


Everything Changes

by DeMarcos



Series: The 'Verse Changes [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Barry and Iris Are Best Friends Forever, Canon Caitlin/Ronnie, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Barry/Linda, Psychological Torture, Series Adjacent, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 201,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3300551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeMarcos/pseuds/DeMarcos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Barry was the one Eddie found himself interested in, the night they first met? There's a connection between the two of them and they hit it off, but before Eddie can get Barry's number, he goes and gets struck by lightning. When Barry wakes up, he discovers just how much everything in his world has changed, and what has stayed the same. Namely, a certain detective's feelings for him.</p><p>This series will follow along each episode, focusing on the altered, in-between moments as Barry balances honing his new ability and becoming a hero with trying his hand at being in a serious relationship, all while keeping a massive secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin At The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the first four chapters at once, as two of the four are very exposition heavy, dealing with two different perspectives of the events in the pilot, and the aftermath. After that, if I haven't lost any readers because of it, the story will focus more on the in-between moments of each following episode. Also, I'm going off the _Arrow_ sequence of events, mixed in with the pilot, if only because it works better for what I have in mind.
> 
> Enjoy!

A flash of brilliant light. An agony such as nothing he’d ever felt before detonated inside his body, immediately followed by an aftershock in his back as reality tilted and he was given a hard lesson in gravity. The sound of glass breaking into a million shards, skittering wildly across the floor. A blossom of red and then…

Lady Gaga.

 

* * *

 

It was too much, too fast, the barrage information coming at him from all sides and Barry thought he might hurl from the enormity of it. Being told he’d been in a coma for nine months after getting struck by lightning, cellular regeneration, the inexplicable appearance of abdominal muscles that hadn't been there before, it was more than he could handle all at once. Barry found himself glad when Cisco all but dragged him back so that he was sitting down on the medical bed, because he wasn’t sure he could have kept his legs under him otherwise. 

To be told that for the rest of the world, almost a year had passed, it was a hard concept to swallow and Barry turned his gaze downward, closing his eyes to try and calm the dizziness threatening to send him back into unconsciousness. In his mind, he'd just come back from Starling City after the adventure of a lifetime. Upon his return, he and Iris had gone out to watch history in the making and he'd gotten his clock cleaned by a mugger.

The last thing Barry had any clear memory of was watching the news feed as the S.T.A.R. Labs accelerator began malfunctioning, and after that, nothing. He was almost glad for the appearance of Dr. Wells in the lab, surprising as it was to see him in a wheelchair -the last Barry had seen of him, Dr. Wells was standing at a podium making a speech, before Barry had run off after Iris’ mugger- as it gave him a much needed distraction from the racing, whirling questions that were all loudly competing for answers.

He hoped that Wells' arrival would mean he'd get the answers he so desperately wanted, because the rapid fire explanations from Caitlin and Cisco _weren't_ helping. Though he didn’t know Wells personally, Barry had been following him long enough through reading his entire body of work to trust and hope that he was in safe, knowledgeable hands. Once Dr. Wells explained to him what had happened and what was going on, he was sure the world would once again make sense.

 

* * *

 

As Wells went on about the effects of the accelerator’s failure on the city, showing him the structural damage that FEMA had rightly labeled a disaster area, Barry managed to find himself idly wishing he possessed a similar speaking prowess. When trying to explain evidence or theories to whatever detective or officer he was working with, he could generally keep from tripping over his own tongue. With anyone else… depending on the subject matter, Barry tended to ramble on excitedly, or nervously, at great length, whether the person he was talking to wanted him to or not. Iris called it a quirk. Barry called it verbal diarrhea.

He had to hand it to Wells though, as they circled back to the lab he’d woken up in. Removing him from the clutches of Caitlin and Cisco, speaking to him one-on-one in calm, even tones, unafraid to use lingo only those in any STEM field would understand, treating him like an equal, it had helped to alleviate the all-consuming panic that had been steadily building up since regaining consciousness. Barry was starting to feel like the world hadn't completely spun out of control while he'd been asleep.

It was reentering the lab that unspooled all of Wells’ efforts, as the mere mention of Joe and Iris coming to see him during his coma had hit him like a Mack truck. Barry remembered that he had family that had been waiting on tenterhooks to see him, and more than anything else, he wanted to see them, too. If it was true what they were all saying, that his doctors at the hospital had thought he was dying because of his strangely erratic heartbeat, then Joe and Iris would have been worried sick for him, doing anything they could to save his life, such as agreeing to have him moved to S.T.A.R. Labs to be treated.

Going against the advice of all three of his caretakers, who were adamant that he not do anything even remotely related to leaving the lab until he had been given a clean bill of health, Barry all but ran from the facility, making a beeline straight to Jitters, where he knew he would find Iris.

He’d never in his life been so happy to see her, a welcome, familiar face in the bizarre circumstances that he’d been swept up into, yet again. Barry didn’t let himself get distracted by the thoughts of his mother’s murder, or becoming an unsuspecting accomplice to a vigilante, or the recent event of his coma. Instead, Barry focused on wrapping his arms around Iris and hugging her with all his might. Her warm embrace, like every hug she’d ever given him since they’d become friends so many years ago, it was the best homecoming he could have ever asked for.

Even the trippy few seconds where time seemed to somehow slow down and speed up in the same instant couldn’t fully deter Barry from enjoying being back with his family. Despite the strangeness of what had happened to him, he knew everything would be all right as long as he had Iris and Joe beside him. He just carefully made a mental note of the freak occurrence, folded it up and tucked it away for when he made his way back to S.T.A.R. Labs, then waited patiently for Iris to grab her things so they could head down to the station to see her dad.

 _Two homecomings in one day_ , Barry thought, as Joe pulled him into a hug tight enough to make his ribs creak. For a moment, it seemed as though Joe wouldn't let him go, but they were men, and as men, they remained true to form and eventually disengaged before it got too awkward. Not only for propriety's sake, but everyone else wanted to welcome their forensic assistant back. His coworkers, they all wanted to get in their congratulations on him not being dead, a few of them cleverly disguised as wisecracks and jokes, and for once, Barry couldn’t begrudge them the teasing. It made him feel like nothing had changed.

 

* * *

 

A content feeling of safety in being surrounded by loved ones. Heart beating in his chest almost too quickly, a new but not entirely unwelcome sensation. The garden-variety call of a crime in progress, everyone going through the motions of gearing up, and then…

“Barry, hey."

 _Oh, God... Eddie_. 


	2. And Go On Until You Come to the End

_Nine months earlier…_

The first glimpse Barry caught of Eddie was through the chain-link fence separating him from his mugger. In the dark overcast cut vividly by the sodium halo of the security lights ringing the outer perimeter of S.T.A.R. Labs’ property, Barry spied blonde hair and a smug grin that was oh-so familiar on the faces of the cops and detectives he worked with when they’d collared their mark.

He used a quick bit of abductive reasoning to guess that the unmarked nondescript car with city plates, the suit instead of a uniform and the noticeable bulge of a figure eight holster under the suit jacket were the likely traits of a detective, not one of the private security personnel hired for the event going out of their way to catch some thug.

“Nice job, Detective.” Barry called out, curling his fingers around the metal spokes of the fence as he watched the scene before him. He was beyond relieved that Iris wouldn’t have to shell out for a new laptop, and hadn’t lost her course work, along with whatever else she kept in the bag. Barry didn’t make a habit of going through Iris’ things, a lesson he’d learned the hard way back in middle school.

The detective aimed that grin toward him from over his shoulder as he read the guy his rights, eyes catching a glint of overhead light, shining brilliantly for a brief second. Then the detective turned away, and there was the sound of handcuffs clicking together tightly, causing the mugger to hiss in pain as he was led to the squad card.

“All in a day’s work for me, sir.” He responded, and Barry could immediately tell by the tone that they were words he was used to saying, sounding well-rehearsed, magnanimous, yet self-effacing at the same time. This was a guy who was used to getting the job done and had practice in making being humble sound not humble at all.

“Give me a second, I’ll find my way around, so I can give you my information.” He said. Barry knew the drill, he had to give an official statement and it wouldn’t do to have that conversation in the rain, with a fence standing between them. Unfortunately, there was no way he could gracefully climb the fence, not unless he wanted to cause more injury to himself, as well as make a fool of himself in front of the detective. That meant going the long way around.

It took Barry some time to find the route onto the street and make his way back to the car, and by then, the mugger was being tucked unceremoniously into the backseat. The detective shut the door and turned around to give him a once over, treating Barry to the first proper look at his face. And judging by the uptick of his smile, the detective was enjoying the same benefit of their close proximity.

Barry chalked up the sudden charge in the air to the gathering storm around them.

His artfully spiked-up blonde hair framed a classical handsome face, his strong jaw line covered in a trendy crop of stubble and he had the symmetrically attractive features of the genetically gifted alpha male. What struck Barry more than his looks were his eyes. They were too kind, too friendly, with crinkles and smile lines around them, indicative of someone who spent a fair amount of time laughing. The lines softened the rough edges that were also visible, edges that came with the territory when you worked in law enforcement, when you had be tough with criminals, yet still be caring with victims.

Staring into those eyes, Barry guessed that they were blue, or perhaps maybe green, but with the chemical glow of the halogen lights around them however, it was hard to tell. Still, behind the cockiness and swagger of his most recent arrest was a kind, concerned gaze, one that raked Barry up and down in an assessment that didn’t feel one-hundred percent professional.

“Your nose is bleeding.” The detective said, brow furrowed in interest as to how he’d received the injury, and he spared a glance back at the mugger occupying a seat in his squad car, the smile quickly falling from his face.

“Huh...? Oh.” Barry brought up a hand to swipe at his nose, fingers coming away with a smear of red. It wasn’t bleeding profusely, which was a good sign. He’d have to wait until they got back to the station to get some tissues and staunch the flow, as he had nothing on him, unless he wanted to get his shirt bloody. He wiped his hand on his jeans before pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers. He then stuck out his hand politely, the one that hadn’t just been covered in blood, and smiled. “Uh, hi. I’m Barry Allen. We haven’t had a chance to meet yet. I work at the-”

That’s all it took to bring the smirk back to life. “Yeah, you’re that forensics guy. The one who can’t seem to show up on time. Heard your name tossed around the station, but I’ve not had the pleasure of putting the name to a face.” The detective reached out and shook his hand firmly, grip wet from the rain, fingers covered in calluses born from handling a gun regularly. “Detective Eddie Thawne.”

He didn’t release Barry’s hand right away, still smiling broadly, before he realized that he eventually had to give him his hand back, which he did, accompanied by a cough to clear his throat.

Barry returned the smile with one of his own, tucking his hand, warm and tingling from the grip, into his jacket pocket. He hadn’t been expecting that, or the tenor of Eddie’s voice, with just the hint of gravel, to send the slightest hint of a tremor up his spine as they introduced themselves.

“Nice to meet you. You’re, ah, you’re from Starling, right?” He thought he remembered hearing something about a new transfer but the precinct scuttlebutt usually went in one ear and out the other, pushed out by the more important facts, like the cases he was working on. Without knowing for sure, Barry’s brain went into default ramble mode, to make up for the lack of knowledge. “I just got back from there a few hours ago. Nice place. Bit of a vigilante problem. There’s the giant crater problem, too. Well, I say _crater_ , but… uh.” Barry had to forcibly slam his mouth shut to keep from going on and on. At least if he really stuck his foot in it, he could always blame it on the mugger kicking his ass.

“Heh…” Eddie had kindly waited for Barry to be finished with his sudden case of word vomit before chiming in. “I’m from Keystone, actually. I’d, uh, I tried applying to Starling P.D. but with the _crater_ and everything else, there were no openings in the budget for another detective. The captain there said I should try Central City instead, and here I am.”

“And here you are,” Barry repeated, and instantly, it sounded lame in his head. He dropped his hand from his nose and tried rolling the words into something a bit less stupid sounding. “And in a fortuitous case of kismet, here to catch the idiot who mugged my friend.” Hand still tucked in his pocket, he motioned with his elbow to the back of the squad car. The man in question was leering at them, and when he had their attention, puckered up his lips in a lewd, pantomime kiss.

Eddie slapped the flat of his hand against the window to get him to stop, and then glanced back at Barry. “You say kismet, I say the call that came in about a purse-snatcher near where that particle thing is being switched on. Just so happened to be the closest unit in the area, so I took it.”

A dozen words flew to Barry’s lips to correct Detective Thawne about the particle accelerator being more than just a _thing_ , but they all died before being spoken when he saw Thawne’s gaze move toward the ground. The mugger had dropped Iris’ bag in the process being arrested, and there the bag laid between them, slowly getting wetter in the drizzling rain. At least now Barry knew how the detective had ended up being in the right place at the right time.

“I’d apologize about having to take the bag with me, but it _is_ evidence and I assume you’re familiar with procedure.”

“Sure, sure. Take pictures, get a few prints, confirm said bag was stolen by said idiot, and when it’s all over with, _then_ we get it back.” Barry was the last person to get in the way of evidential procedure, and while Iris would no doubt complain, she wouldn’t put up a fight over it.

“Exactly.” There was that smile again. “The call was placed by a woman, so you’ll have to tell your… girlfriend that she can pick it up at the station later.” The word _girlfriend_ , though it was surrounded by words that didn’t make it sound like a question, was most definitely a question. Barry got the distinct notion that Eddie wanted to know what his deal was, and had decided to do a little fishing. It was either that or he had one of those friendly personalities from working with the public so often that he unconsciously sent out all the wrong signals, which invariably led to misunderstandings and awkward explanations. Barry was used to those.

“Uh, no, no girlfriend. My friend Iris would be the one who called the cops. Iris West, Detective West’s daughter and my sorta foster sister.” Leave it to Iris to be the one with enough sense to call the cops instead of blindly chasing down a mugger and getting a bloody nose for the effort. Sometimes he wondered who the real genius in their patchwork family was.

“Ah. Good to know.” Eddie said smartly, straightening up his soaked suit jacket with a tug of his hand. “Well then, I should get this guy to the station so he can be booked out. You want to ride with?”

“I should call Iris, see where she is. I caught a ride with her to the event tonight.” As if on cue, Barry’s phone started to ring in his pocket and when he pulled it out to look at the display, he saw that Iris’ ears must have been burning. Holding up a finger, Barry punched the _answer_ button and took a step back to take the call.

“Barry! Oh my God, are you okay? You just _took off_ and I lost you! What were you thinking?” Worry dripped from Iris’ voice, even as she shouted angrily at him and Barry couldn’t help the way his lips curved up in a tiny smile at the berating.

“Iris, I’m okay. The cops showed up, thanks to you, and the guy’s been arrested.”

“Thank God! All my notes for my dissertation were in that bag, I was freaking out that I’d lost it all. But not as much as I was freaking that you’d run off to get yourself _killed_!” Iris, having been denied a chance to become a cop herself because of her father, had to watch them go to work each day, knowing there was always the chance that they might not come back and there was nothing she could do about it. Except dress them both down when they’d done something spectacularly dumb out in the field.

“Calm down, Iris. Deep breaths.” Barry tried to lead by example, taking a deep breath through his nose, only to choke and restart the flow of blood. He spat a lump of it out on the pavement and coughed to clear his throat. “Just… I’m okay.” Barry shifted slightly to peer back at Eddie, and made another split-second decision. “Listen, I’m gonna catch a ride with the detective who arrested your mugger, if you want to get your car and meet us down there, we can fill out the reports to get your bag back.”

There was a huff on the other end of the line. “ _Fine_. But don’t think I won’t kick your scrawny butt for this little stunt later.”

Before Barry could get a word in edgewise, the call disconnected. He shook his head and pocketed the phone. No one could make you feel guilty quite like family. Spinning on his heel, Barry walked back toward the car.

“So, uh… the offer for a ride still good?” He asked somewhat sheepishly, rubbing at his earlobe in an unconscious nervous gesture.

Eddie nodded, mouth curving up in another smug grin and motioned for Barry to get in.

 

* * *

 

“Who does he think he is, honestly? So he caught a mugger, big deal.” Iris asked, glaring hate daggers at Eddie from across the room. Barry thought she was angrier at him than she was at the detective, and Eddie was just getting the runoff of her ire at him for trying to be a hero.

“Detective Eddie Thawne. He’s a transfer from Keystone, just started a week or so ago.” Barry said, blotting his nose with a wad of tissues. It had finally slowed down to just a thin trickle, but he knew it was best to just stay as still as he could until it stopped completely.

“So _that’s_ Detective Pretty-Boy.” She said, nodded her head in sudden understanding, eyes glancing back across the station to fully assess the detective in a new light. Barry didn’t understand however and glanced at Iris like she was babbling nonsense.

“That’s what my dad keeps calling him.” She elaborated, mouth puckering in moue of derision. “Says he _actually_ keeps score when it comes to his arrests and convictions. Pfft.” The naked disgust on her face then morphed into something else. “He _is_ pretty, though…”

Barry rolled his eyes. That was the wrong tree she was barking up, even if the bark had come in the form of a backhanded compliment. While Eddie had kept their conversation in the car on the ride over mostly professional, due to the presence of the mugger in the backseat, it was obvious that he had been most assuredly flirting with him. Not anything overt, just the typical get-to-know-you questions, but they were accompanied by heated glances and playful smiles when Barry answered them, or asked a few of his own.

Now that there was some distance between them, Eddie having gone off to pull some more paperwork for their statement, Barry was kicking himself for trying his hand at flirting back. His encounter with Felicity had inflated his confidence significantly, but after taking the time to really think about, he was picturing everything that could possibly go horribly wrong because he'd decided to live in the moment. Despite the _long_ dry spell he’d been in, he knew better than to poop where he ate. In this line of work, you didn’t mix business with pleasure, not when a messy break-up could emotionally compromise you in the field, and you certainly didn’t do it with the new hire, when you were a guy and said new hire was also a guy.

Captain Singh was to be commended for being incredibly much open about his relationship with his boyfriend, announcing for all the world to know in that gruff, no nonsense way of his that he was out, proud and everyone could go to Hell if they didn’t like it. It only went over through the ranks because the position Singh occupied on the ladder was beyond reproach. Singh was tough and shrewd when it came to the officers under his purview, firm when he had to be, yet always fair when given the chance. It had earned him respect from everyone he worked with and Singh respected them back for it. Except when it came to Barry.

In the captain’s defense, Barry had the unfortunate habit of being late to almost every crime scene he was called to, he took forever getting reports onto the captain’s desk and was generally a hot mess when it came to interacting with other people at the precinct. For all of that and more, he had a very special place on Singh’s shit-list. Not to mention that his most recent bout of lying and missing work to do his own investigation in Starling City was still looming over his head. Singh was going to rip him a new one for that little stunt when he got the chance.

And while Barry didn’t think Singh would ever hold his _purely hypothetical thought-exercise_ coming out against him -not when there was everything else to hold against him- there was just everyone else to think about. Singh was almost untouchable, given his hard-earned rise to captain, but there were still cops who told gay jokes when the coast was clear and mocked the drag queens who had been picked up at the bars and brought in for booking.

Given that Singh’s dislike of Barry for his professional flaws had trickled down the ranks and turned into casual jokes in the bullpen –if one more officer called him _lab rat_ , Barry thought he might scream- he didn’t want a new aspect of himself leaving him open to living a repeat of high school. If something like that was the end result of getting involved with Eddie, Barry would never forgive himself for engaging in a workplace romance.

After crunching the numbers of a risk-benefit analysis in his head and coming up with a solution that didn't work in his favor, he resolved himself to keeping everything professional between them from here on out, to avoid leading Eddie on and avoid a potentially messy fallout. When Eddie walked back over to where they were seated to finish up their statements, Barry kept his mannerisms and words in check. He kept his hands folded in his lap and his eyes locked on a place just over Eddie’s shoulder as the detective dotted the _i_ _'_ s and crossed the _t_ _'_ s for his report.

Succinct, calm and to the point, that was Barry. At least he thought so, but judging by the odd glances from both Iris and Eddie, even they noticed he had started being a little rude. After that, he made sure to act a bit more normal by keeping eye contact with Eddie for at least six seconds, answering his questions as smoothly as he could, and when Eddie retreated once more to file the paperwork, Barry smiled placidly while Iris whispered to him about trying to figure out what the detective's deal was.

When they’d finally finished up the arrest report and the request papers for Iris' bag, and Iris had gone home, Barry decided to go up to his lab to watch the news feed from the particle accelerator. There was no point in trying to go back downtown and Barry didn’t quite have the energy to walk home in the storm. His lab would serve as refuge until the storm broke or until he caved from exhaustion and spent the night there.

“Hey, Allen!”

Pausing at the sound of his name, Barry turned on the staircase and peered down at Eddie. He gripped the banister to ground himself for what was guaranteed to be a highly uncomfortable exchange.

“Eddie, hey. Did you need something else for the report?”

Eddie took a few steps up, closing the distance between them, but not so much that anyone walking by would give them a second glance. Barry flicked his eyes down to the banister, where Eddie had placed his hand as he ascended the staircase, their fingers now resting only centimeters apart. Barry let out a quiet, shuddering breath, remembering the strength he'd felt in their handshake earlier and lurid images flashed through his mind at all the things a hand like that could do to him.

“No, nothing like that, it’s all been squared away.” He leaned his head in and lowered his voice. “I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee sometime.”

The closeness jarred Barry back to the present and he chuckled weakly, hoping to dodge the come-on by playing the absent-minded lab tech. “If I were you, I wouldn’t trust the coffee around here. Too many cooks ruin the pot, so half the time, it’s nothing more than a black sludge. When it’s not watered down, that is and ends up tasting like it was brewed with water from the river. I wouldn’t risk it. Your best bet is to stick with coffee found _anywhere_ else outside the general vicinity of this building.”

He’d started babbling, taking the diversion a bit too far, and he shut his jaw with an audible _click_. To his surprise, Eddie just laughed, his eyes –which Barry had discovered were blue once they were indoors- crinkling gorgeously in amusement.

“Look, I get it, that scene back there," Eddie said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder, "Iris doesn’t know about you. And if she doesn’t know, it’s a fair bet that Detective West doesn’t know either. I get that you probably want to keep it that way, and I’m not going to judge you for keeping your private life private in this place. That’s your choice to make and I respect that.”

Eddie was well aware that even in the 21st century, law enforcement agencies around the country generally lagged in the acceptance department, but it wasn’t enough to deter him from his goals. When he set his mind to something, he made sure to see it through to the end, no matter the hurdles. Besides, Central City had a progressive enough attitude, he’d learned since his transfer, and Barry was cute enough to put in the effort, closet case though he was.

“But that’s not going to stop me from putting the offer out there, even if it’s on the DL.”

Blinking down at him, Barry cocked his head to the side in confusion, unused to the idea of being hit on by someone like Eddie. Hell, he was still reeling from his whirlwind experience of getting to know Felicity. Two beautiful blondes in the span of a few days looking at him like he was a prime cut of beef -after a years of getting _zero_ play- was enough to make his head spin. He'd have included Oliver -who was blonde _and_ attractive- in the count, but Oliver had spent most of their time together giving him murderous glances and Barry had enough sense of self-preservation to _not_ follow that rabbit hole down into perving on a douche. A well-intentioned douche, but a douche nonetheless. Just like with Felicity however, when the moment came to make a move, Barry couldn’t find it in him to seal the deal.

She’d been right there in front of him, waiting for him to lean in and kiss her, but he just… _couldn’t_. Felicity was knockout, tough and loyal to the end, not to mention insanely _smart_ , everything a guy like him could ever want, and he’d felt like an idiot when her face fell in disappointment. But her comment about his fascination with Oliver wasn’t entirely off the mark, which he thought was apparent when he didn’t exactly deny it. In his defense, though, neither had she, when asked about her feelings toward Oliver. And all that was _before_ Barry found out about him being the Arrow. After being brought into the fold, his childlike fascination had taken over and replaced everything else, despite Oliver’s annoyed, stoic glares at his blatant giddiness.

Barry just couldn’t help but wonder why all of the sudden, he had two amazing people sniffing after him. In the space of a few days, it seemed he had become the living embodiment of an Axe commercial, though he knew that nothing about him had changed so drastically since he’d been gone. That begged the question…

“Eddie… we just met less than an hour ago and you’re already asking me out on a… on a _date_?” He whispered the last word, like it was a bomb waiting to go off. Oh yes, definitely not in _any_ way experienced when it came to asking people out.

The most bizarre expression crossed Eddie’s face, like he couldn’t understand how Barry could be so intelligent, yet so adorably clueless at the same time. “That _is_ how it works. Two people meet, they have a moment, flirt a little to get a read on each other, and if it works out, they follow up with a date. You _do_ date, right?”

“Not since college…” The words came out before Barry could catch them and he pursed his lips so hard, the skin around them turned white. “I gotta go be... somewhere else right now.” Mortified, Barry spun on his heels, face flaming red from embarrassment and all but raced up the stairs, but not fast enough to miss Eddie’s reply.

“You do that," Eddie called out with feigned casualness, as if they'd finished up a normal, run-of-the-mill conversation, "and we’ll catch up later!”

Turning the corner after making it to the landing of the second floor, Barry came to a halt and leaned back against the wall. Staring up at the ceiling, he wished there was a rock nearby for him to crawl under and die. Taking in a few deep breaths, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed up Felicity. He’d told her he’d call her once he got back to Central City, and right now he needed to commiserate with someone who was familiar with constantly opening up their mouth and inserting their foot into it.

 

* * *

 

Once he’d said his goodbyes to Felicity, Barry found himself feeling better for having talked to her. Something about her voice just soothed the growing bubble of worry in his chest and he was glad he'd thought to call.

Heading down the hall to his lab, he slid open the door and sighed when he spied the rain water falling in from the skylight. Sidestepping the puddle so he could turn on his laptop and find the live news feed from S.T.A.R. Labs. Barry couldn’t help but smile at Eddie’s words to him as he watched the report, his promise that despite any verbal fumbling, he wasn’t ready to give up the ghost.

Barry couldn’t deny it felt kinda nice to be wanted and pursued, even if it was someone he’d end up working closely with. If Felicity could harbor feelings for her boss, even knowing that it could compromise their mission in Starling, then Barry didn’t have to freak out about being hit on by a coworker. Yes, a relationship would be risky, and potentially messy, but at the end of the day, there were worse things that could happen at work.

And then the universe had to go and prove just how incredibly _right_ that thought was.


	3. The Boy of My Dreams is Giving Me Nightmares

“Barry, hey!” Eddie said, absolutely floored to see him up on his feet and moving around after nine months of doing exactly the opposite. Caught off guard, he almost stopped in the process of throwing on his jacket as the rest of the precinct geared up for the bank robbery call. Of all the things he'd expected to happen that day, seeing Barry upright once more was definitely _not_ one of them. Duty called, however, and as much as Eddie wanted to cross the room and pull Barry into his arms, he somehow managed to restrain himself.

“Glad to see you back in the land of the living.” It was the only thing that came to mind, true though it was, and Eddie wondered when he’d regressed back to middle-school level smoothness.

“Thanks, Eddie.”

Barry miraculously looked exactly the same as he had the last time Eddie had seen him, the night of the lightning strike. Same puppy dog smile and bashful eyes he remembered so vividly. Eddie felt his stomach start doing somersaults, and he deflected the awkwardness by shifting his gaze to the side. “Hello, Iris.”

“You should get moving, Detective." She said primly. "My father doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

Eddie nodded in agreement, if not specifically agreeing with her tone, but he couldn’t really blame her for the brush off. After all the excuses he’d made about not going to visit Barry, he more than earned her vitriol, as well as the guilt that swelled up inside of him because of it. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though. No one liked having their faults thrown in their face, no matter how much they deserved it.

“Good to have you back, Barry.” Fixing the lapels of his jacket once he had it on, Eddie flashed Barry a heartfelt smile. Giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder, he moved past him to run and catch up with his partner, desperately needing the distraction but not wanting to miss his ride to the party either.

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, he might as well have missed out on the call, as he stupidly spent the entire ride to the bank completely spaced out, instead of focusing on preparing himself mentally to enter the scene of a robbery. If Eddie didn’t stop thinking about Barry and start thinking about entry points and possible hostage negotiations, he was going to get himself, or someone else, killed.

Seeing Barry again had thrown Eddie wildly off balance, his reappearance bringing all his buried feelings for Barry flooding back to the surface. He'd spent the last few months working hard to get over Barry, much like everyone else at the precinct had as time had gone on, people who had _truly_ known Barry since he’d started as their forensic tech, people who had more valid reasons than Eddie to miss him and worry for him.

Most of his coworkers had had years of knowing and working with Barry under the belts, while Eddie had only a little over an hour with him. But for him, the hour and change that they'd shared was more than enough for Eddie to feel like he’d been taken for a ride on a rollercoaster.

He’d pinned down that purse-snatcher in the alley, a ridiculously easy collar, and he'd felt good knowing the woman who had called 9-1-1 to report it would be relieved her belongings would be returned to her. Much to his surprise, he heard a crash against the chain-link fence the mugger had just jumped over, but instead of the woman chasing after her mugger, he'd found a young man. Eddie had been a bit preoccupied in handcuffing the perp, but when the guy had made his way around the fence and he finally got a good look at him, that was all it took. He knew right then and there that he was gone.

The guy was a catch, his adorable good looks more than evident, even in the dark. He’d heard all his life that one should never trust a first glance at a potential pick-up in the lighting at dark bars and clubs filled with strobe lights, but Eddie knew somewhere in his gut that the guy would be just as gorgeous in a well-lit room as he was in the faint light of the sallow yellow glow from the streetlamps.

Spiky dark hair, thick brows and gorgeous puppy dog eyes set into an angular face, lips that made Eddie think sinful thoughts, a neck that went on for days, and his _body_ … Growing up the way he had, chunky and unpopular, Eddie knew he’d developed a type because of it, an ideal form he once thought he could never obtain for himself, and Barry’s lithe, lean-looking body, with his delectably high hip to shoulder ratio, had checked every box on Eddie’s list.

There had been a brief moment when Eddie had fearfully thought he was just some fresh-faced high school kid foolishly chasing down a criminal, until he found out that he was none other than Barry Allen, Central City P.D.’s resident genius. It had been a major relief to Eddie, who didn't want to live the rest of his life knowing he'd been turned on by a guy who ended up being jailbait.

Looking at him though, finally putting the face to the name, Eddie found reality better than his imagination. In hearing his fellow officers discuss Barry around the station, that he was brilliant, thorough with his work, and so socially inept, it was almost painful to witness, Eddie had formed a mental image of him as an overweight geek with a pocket protector and a disturbingly large collection of mint-in-box action figures.

The socially inept part he discovered was true, as Barry swiped at the blood on his face, pinching his nose to stem the flow before offering up his clean hand for a handshake, a wobbling thousand-watt grin on his face. Everything Eddie had assumed about him had been blown away upon seeing the truth that was the real Barry Allen. Shaking his hand, Eddie had felt something almost tangible pass between them.

Call it a charge or a moment of chemistry or a certain _je ne sais quoi_ , but Eddie would have sworn in a court of law that what he'd experienced was not only real, it was powerful, like the stuff people normally only saw in movies. Something about Barry’s effervescent energy, which seemed to somehow negate his deplorable social skills, just flipped all his switches.

During their ride to the station, spurred on by Barry’s confirmation that the bag belonged to a friend and that he was not currently seeing anyone, Eddie lobbed the standard set list of subtly flirtatious questions at him. The lack of protest at his laser focused attentions told Eddie that Barry was at the very least bisexual, and enjoying their conversation, even flirting back in his own obviously inexperienced, subdued way, much to his delight.

When Barry bantered back, mouth opening wide in laughter, eyes squinting as he did so, Eddie couldn’t help but keep going, wanting to know what they had in common, what they didn’t, if only to keep seeing that smile, the one that lit up Barry’s face when he responded back with a well-placed quip. Unfortunately, they had a perp in the backseat -one who kept snorting derisively at them as they conversed- that needed to be thrown in a jail cell, and their arrival at the station to get rid of their third wheel cut their tête-à-tête short.

It was going through the process of filing the report that put a damper on Eddie’s confidence that he would score Barry’s phone number before the night was through. Not only did he clam up after clipping his ID badge to his jacket, but the arrival of Iris caused an almost abrupt change in Barry's personality. With her, he was chatty and supportive, but with Eddie present, he limited himself to generic responses when they were going over his statement. The last thing Eddie wanted was to get on Iris' bad side, being the daughter of Detective West, a respected veteran on the force, which would mean ending up on _his_ bad side, so he worked to hide the fact he was upset that her presence seemed to shut something down in Barry.

He’d said she was his friend, that they were foster siblings, but even Eddie had to admit that Iris was attractive and he couldn't really blame Barry if he secretly wanted her. A flippant part of Eddie wondered how Joe was still a cop, and not in Iron Heights for attempting to shoot everyone who so much as _looked_ at his little girl twice. His suspicions that maybe Barry hadn’t been totally honest with him about his relationship with Iris were thankfully proven to be unfounded when she took a playful jab at him, chiding him about saving up his hero moments for when he had a girlfriend.

It clicked in his head then that Barry wasn’t out to his friends, family or coworkers, and though the knowledge made Eddie frown. His high opinion of Barry dimmed a bit, though he knew he had to respect the decisions other people made in their life. Whatever had happened to him to make him keep a part of himself hidden from his obviously caring and accepting foster sister, it wasn't for Eddie to judge. God only knew his own upbringing could have had him in the exact same closet and he wasn't stupid enough to start throwing stones at glass houses. Watching Iris and Barry talk from across the bullpen while he filed their statement in the perp’s case jacket, Eddie weighed his options, deciding whether or not he'd put himself out there and ask Barry out, even if it meant that if Barry accepted, they would have to keep their relationship a secret.

Barry was pretty much the complete package. Intelligent, but not on a level that made him condescending to others when he talked to them, modest almost to a fault, as Eddie learned when Barry spared no detail in describing how the mugger had thoroughly punched his ticket. Most guys would have fudged the facts in effort not to look weak, but Barry didn’t hesitate on making sure the whole truth was there for every cop, lawyer, and judge to see in the report.

He was kind and caring, more concerned with Iris getting her laptop and school notes back than his own well-being. He'd turned down the offer for an EMT to check him over, taking only a handful of tissues for his nose to keep from bleeding all over himself while writing up the paperwork to have the bag returned to Iris after it had been processed for evidence. Sure, he had a tendency to ramble on at length, which had gotten him in trouble more than a few times, as Eddie had heard, but it was just a quirk, and an endearing one at that.

Whatever faults the captain and everyone else in the precinct saw in Barry, Eddie only saw admirable personality traits, things that made Barry human, made him _real_ , and made Eddie want him with a passion he’d not felt for anyone since graduating from the academy. Smart, witty, and a decent human being, all put together in one gorgeous wrapping. Eddie was sold, and couldn’t even find it in himself to be deterred when Barry sidestepped the issue of a date due to being a overwhelmed by the come-on and ran off. He'd just have to regroup and try his hand again.

Nothing worth having was easy, after all, Eddie thought.

 _Famous last words_.

Eddie could still recall the bone-shaking sensation of the shock wave from the particle accelerator going supernova, causing the whole building to quake right down to its foundation, followed by a blinding flash of light just before the power went out. The combination of glass shattering, panicked screams, and responding shouts of his fellow officers was almost deafening. Once they'd gotten over the initial shock and regrouped, they'd fanned out in a standard pattern to assess the situation. Every cop in the building broke out a flashlight and did a run-through of the station top to bottom, to calculate any damage and locate any injured personnel. Beyond a dozen or so cases of scrapes and bumps, thankfully no one was seriously hurt.

Then they found Barry.

His lab was a mess, debris everywhere, with Barry knocked out cold in the middle of the maelstrom. He’d been thrown back into the metal shelving that had held his equipment, clothing covered in tiny shards of glass, the soles of his shoes smoking. The air around him was thick with the odor of burnt hair, burnt pennies, burnt _everything_ , all mixed together with a faint whiff of ozone. It didn’t take long for them to figure out he’d been struck by lightning, and Eddie felt an explosion of fear in his chest as he stared at Barry's prone, smouldering form. But since they were dealing with one of their own, Eddie swallowed his fear and they all leapt into action. It took them less than five minutes to get the paramedics up to the lab and Barry into an ambulance.

Eddie had ridden with him to the hospital, trying like hell to get a signal on his cellphone to get a hold of Detective West on the ride over, to tell him what had happened. The explosion must have knocked out the cell towers, and the radios were a mess, dozens of people on every channel trying to get through to report deaths, injuries and panic in the streets. As he listened to the incessant radio chatter from the ambulance's CB, Eddie was torn between wanting to stay with Barry and wanting to be out on the streets, to help everyone who so desperately needed it.

He wasn’t at the hospital long, duty winning out in the end, though he made damn sure he was leaving Barry in the capable hands of the best doctors before heading back to the station to find out the true scope of the damage.

In the mess of the explosion at S.T.A.R. Labs, the city had descended into chaos, looting rampant due to the power outages, and it had stretched their numbers thin, trying to contain it all. With everyone dealing with the fallout, Barry unfortunately got lost in the shuffle.

Over the next few days, with every hand on deck at the precinct, save for Joe, who remained faithfully by Barry’s bedside, Eddie had to keep himself focused on helping to restore order in Central City. There were bodies to identify, a power grid that needed rebooting, and it didn’t help that FEMA had rolled into town like pompous idiots on white horses, to assess the damage from the accelerator’s catastrophic failure. As much as he wanted to take two minutes to himself to worry about Barry, and whether he'd live or not, Eddie knew it wouldn't help him one way or the other, so he kept his mind on the work at hand.

It was almost a week before Eddie finally got a free moment to go see Barry at the hospital, which was in its own nexus of disarray, suffering greatly from the rolling blackouts, their generators running at maximum capacity in the interim to keep all the patients alive. Even then, once he made his way to Barry's room, all Eddie could do was stand silently behind Joe and Iris, watching with them as Barry went into seizures and cardiac arrest again and again and _again_.

He wasn't family, hell, he wasn't even really a friend, to any one of them. Eddie was just someone who had flirted outrageously with Barry shortly before his near fatal accident. There was nothing he could say or do, except be there to support Joe and Iris. And hope.

The next time Eddie managed to find time to visit Barry, he’d walked in to find Joe pale and shaking, listening intently to a doctor as he explained that they didn't think Barry was going to make it, that he had slipped into a coma, the force of the lightning strike multiplied tenfold by the explosion from the particle accelerator. It was an unknown quantity when it came to estimating Barry’s chances for recovery and the doctors could only keep restarting his heart for so long before their efforts started causing permanent damage.

Eddie had to keep Joe from punching the doctor after he was told he'd have to start seriously considering pulling Barry off life support. He'd been reeling from losing his partner and hearing that he might lose his foster son too was the final straw.

The doctor was apparently used to delivering bad news to volatile people, because he'd barely flinched when Joe lunged at him. Eddie had just clamped his hand around Joe's arm, held him back and used his best negotiations voice, telling Joe in soothing tones that Barry needed him there with him, that Iris still needed her father, and he couldn't do those things sitting in jail for assault. When Joe had finally stopped straining against him, Eddie had led him to his chair, sat him down, then dutifully escorted the doctor away, so neither of them could witness Joe breaking.

He had to believe that his level-headed thinking in that situation was what kept Joe from complaining too much when Eddie had been assigned as his new partner a few weeks later. Chyre had left some big shoes to fill and all Eddie could do was be the best detective he could be, while not looking like he was trying to replace Joe's long-time friend and colleague. Eddie really put his nose to the grindstone then, offering to chase down leads and question witnesses while Joe split his time between the station and the hospital, and then between the station and S.T.A.R. Labs, after Harrison Wells showed up with an offer to move Barry to a better equipped facility, free of charge.

Considering it was his accelerator that had put Barry in a coma in the first place, he said it was the least he could do.

Joe hadn’t been too happy about Wells’ offer, generous though it was, until the doctor told him that Barry was _not_ experiencing cardiac arrest, and never had been, but that the hospital’s monitors weren’t advanced enough to show them what was really going on inside Barry. Wells had demonstrated his statement by hooking him up to a machine that fed data directly into a tablet and Joe stared at the screen in wonder as he saw Barry’s heart beating beautifully. There were no hiccups, no arrests, just a strong heart beating too fast for traditional machinery to register, just as Wells had explained.

In the space of a half hour, Joe had the release papers signed and Barry had been transported to S.T.A.R. Labs. At first, their collective sense of hope had been renewed when they saw the care Dr. Wells and his assistants took with Barry. But despite the cutting edge technology and detailed weekly reports about Barry’s health, his coma continued unabated.

Weeks turned into months.

Central City eventually got put to rights and life started to resemble something close to normal once more. In the meantime, FEMA made the moves to officially shut S.T.A.R. Labs down, which led to a flurry of lawsuits and death threats against Dr. Wells, the city outraged at the devastation he had unknowingly brought down upon them. Joe took it upon himself to investigate every threat personally, if only to repay Wells for his kindness in keeping Barry at the lab, despite the facility being shuttered. Eddie was only too happy to help Joe out with those and eventually, they had become a good working team, finding a rhythm that made them an extension of each other out in the field.

He continued to visit Barry when he could, and found himself an unexpected friend in Iris, when their visits happened to coincide. Joe was a little leery about that at first, until Eddie politely explained to him that while Iris was a lovely woman, she just wasn't his type and he had no intentions toward her. Whatever Joe saw in his eyes during _that_ pleasantly uncomfortable conversation, he just nodded, accepted it and didn't complain again. Not even when he'd come to visit Barry after a long day and found he and Iris laughing like school children, all but falling over each other as she told him an embarrassing story about Barry from his childhood.

There were numerous tales from growing up with him in her repertoire and over time, Eddie had learned them all from Iris. He was an attentive audience to her, and a few times, Caitlin and Cisco, Dr. Wells' assistants, would find themselves sucked into whatever story was being told, leaving them all unprofessionally breathless over the form of the very person they were laughing at. 

One day, Iris had directed Eddie to Barry's blog, to all his social media accounts, and they had sat next to Barry’s bed, poring over Eddie's tablet. They snickered at the ridiculous pictures, bizarro blog posts about people moving objects with their minds, alien strongmen from distant galaxies or researchers looking for Atlantis, and tweets complaining about being forced to do disgusting tests on bodily fluids by his superiors who didn’t want to do it themselves. He couldn't believe that someone as smart as Barry was into all that Twilight Zone stuff, but then again, Eddie had always heard that most intelligent people always had quirky, unexplainable hobbies. At least there hadn't been anything on his blog about Bigfoot.

And when there was no laughter to be found sitting by Barry's bed, Eddie became Iris’ shoulder, listening to her talk quietly through tears about Barry's father and mother, how her father had arranged for Barry to come live with them because he and Iris were best friends, and how angry Barry had been that no one believed him about the man in the yellow. She explained that it was the disbelief surrounding Barry that led him to forensics, to work the cases from the inside, to study the weird, in the hopes of one day finding a rational explanation of what had killed Nora Allen.

With every new story, anecdote and tidbit he learned about Barry’s life, Eddie found himself falling more and more head over heels for Barry. It spoke highly of his character, that after the tragedy of his mother's death and watching his father get locked up in Iron Heights for a crime he didn't believe he'd committed, Barry had used that belief as motivation to find a purpose in life, to help others who had been thrust in the same situation he'd been, to help them get the justice Barry believed his father had been denied. It was an admirable quality, to say the least.

The downside of it all was that Eddie slowly started to realize he'd allowed himself to become ensnared in a trap of his own making. He’d spent so long putting Barry up on a pedestal in his mind, eagerly awaiting the day he woke up, that he couldn't see the reality that the chances of Barry coming out of his coma were get slimmer by the day, and he was setting himself up for failure. Becoming consumed with Barry wasn't going to end well if Eddie didn't eventually come to terms with the fact he had to start letting Barry go.

One fantastic moment wasn't worth putting half of his life on hold for almost a year, no matter how amazing he thought Barry was. He had to move on, start living again, or else when Joe finally decided that it was inhumane to keep Barry on life support indefinitely, Eddie would end up crashing and burning because of it.

So he slowly pulled back, visiting Barry less and less, with excuses that he had paperwork to do, or a lead to track down. When he _did_ go, he found ways to dodge Iris's offers to get lunch or coffee at Jitters afterward, always promising her a rain-check and never fulfilling it. It took some time, but her offers stopped coming, and eventually, so did Eddie.

He began exploring Central City, beyond the radius of his neighborhood, as he hadn't really gotten a chance to after the transfer. All he knew of the city was what he’d seen while working, going to see Barry or going home, so he worked on changing that. Eddie started actively participating in his life, going out to the local cop bar to drink with colleagues, meeting new people at the gym, and slowly, he moved on bit by bit. With each day that passed, he got a little happier because of his efforts, and the guilt of letting Barry go got less and less as the weeks went on.

When Barry showed up at the station out of the blue, awake and alive, with an unrestrained smile on his face, Eddie's world titled violently on its axis.


	4. I've Got To Tell You Something

Barry sat at his usual table at Jitters, watching Iris make her rounds through the busy afternoon crowd, topping off people's cups, chatting amicably each of her customers as she did so. Everything seemed so different now, knowing what the lightning bolt had done to him, and how it had irrevocably changed him. Watching your hand heal from a break over the course of a few hours _really_ altered your perspective of the world. And that wasn't even taking into account the super speed, the time stoppages and becoming the weird he used to investigate.

"I've heard of playing hard to get, but taking nine months to get that cup of coffee is really going for the long game."

Startling at the gravelly voice so close to his ear, Barry swung around in his chair and came face to face with Eddie. In the chaos of finding out what he was capable of doing, thanks to the lightning strike, Barry had almost forgotten that he still had to have a discussion with Eddie. Now that he'd remembered, he kinda wished he could forget again, if only to put it off for a little bit longer. For Barry, Eddie had asked him out on a date just the other day, while it had been _much_ longer than that for Eddie, and he deserved to have whatever was going on between them to finally addressed, after months of having been left hanging.

Unfortunately, it was guaranteed to be one of the most unpleasant conversations he'd ever taken part in.

Eddie sat down in the seat across from him and Barry managed a watered down smile. He was still good-looking, a bit more seasoned, with worry lines between his eyebrows where there hadn't been many before, but they made him no less attractive. Quite the opposite, actually. If anything, Eddie seemed more handsome than he had the night they'd met, though it could have just been the disparate circumstances between then and now, or perhaps it was the sunlight pouring into Jitters, shining beautifully on his golden hair, making it seem like there was a halo above him.

His appraising glance was returned, and Barry could almost _hear_ Eddie wondering how he'd managed not to look like the typical long-term coma patient, all atrophied limbs and sallow complexion.  _Thank my newly acquired healing powers,_ Barry thought wryly to himself.

Their gazes locked for a moment, as if to test each other, trying to sense if the chemistry that had been there during their first meeting.

Blue stared into blue-green and for a moment, the din of the café around them disappeared as they focused intently on one another. A blank suddenly formed in Barry's mind, and he glanced away, having no clue where to even begin addressing the gulf of time between them. He immediately went into default mode, to break the tension. "So what happened with that bank robbery? The one from earlier?" As if Eddie needed clarification on that.

 _Smooth_ , Barry thought, _real smooth_.

Eddie's mouth broke into a grin, enjoying Barry’s oh-so-subtle conversational misdirect after their little staring contest. He shrugged casually, seemingly going with the flow. "Serial case, so exactly the same as the others. Perp got away with the money, security cameras were trashed and there was a freak storm to deal with. Managed to get a partial from cellphone footage though, and a witness is sitting with a sketch artist, but… that's not what I want to talk to you about." Eddie placed his arms on the table, folding his hands together as he tried to catch Barry’s eyes again.

Ducking his head, Barry scratched at the back of his neck with a hand, not seeing any way to avoid the gigantic elephant in the room.

"Yeah, I figured that, Eddie, it's just not..." He let out a frustrated sigh and flicked his gaze back up, trying to explain without words the craziness he was dealing with, the amazing, wonderful, terrifying craziness, but found he didn’t have to, not when he saw the expression of such heart-wrenching _understanding_ on Eddie’s face.

"A good time," Eddie finished for him, "believe me, I get that, I really do. But the last thing I thought I'd be doing do today was actually get a chance to talk to you. And now you’re here, you’re back and I…” He stopped, before he became the one who lacked the ability to have an adult conversation without jamming his foot in his mouth. “I can't even begin to imagine how overwhelming it must be for you, to wake up to find your whole life turned upside down."

Barry's lips curled up in the ghost of a smirk. "Understatement of the year." If Eddie only knew exactly how truly different his life now was, he might not be so understanding. Not many people would be copacetic with hitting on someone who'd become a genetic anomaly after being struck by super-charged lightning. 

"I’m not here to add anything else to your plate, Barry. I just wanted you to know that my offer from before… that night…"

Eddie cleared his throat, drumming his fingers on the tabletop, wanting to tell Barry how he truly felt, but was unsure how to do so without coming off like a creep.

"After so long, I started to think your chances of waking up were getting slimmer, so I tried moving on, and I thought I was just starting to get over you, but now that you're here... I _still_ feel those things for you. Seeing you earlier brought it all back, and I still want that date. When you're ready," He quickly added. "Definitely no rush. Before the accident, you’d said that it’d been a while for you, the whole dating thing, and that's why you were hesitant that night, after I asked you out. You needed time to deal, I respected that then, and I'll respect it now. Just... when the dust settles and you've gotten everything put back together, if you find yourself similarly interested, I'll be waiting. Again."

Eddie smiled teasingly and slid his hand across the table, covering Barry's, fingers curling gently around his wrist. Beneath his fingertips, he could feel Barry's pulse racing erratically. Eddie hoped it was because he was excited to see if they could make a go of it, and not because he was nervously trying to think of a way to let him down easy. Then Barry smiled at him, slow and hesitant though it was, and moved the hand he was holding to interlock their thumbs. Whatever had been between them the night they met, it was still there, brought raging back to the surface from one touch.

Eddie's heart fluttered in his chest, his doubts blown away in an instant. Barry’s cheeks reddened slightly and despite having been immobile and hooked up to machines for the better part of a year, he still somehow looked impossibly adorable.

It seemed crazy to Barry that Eddie was seated across from him, confessing that he was still very much interested in him, in dating him, but going out of his way to make sure he knew that he was willing to wait until Barry was comfortable with it, given the circumstances. Those circumstances raced through his head, interrupting the train of thought about seriously considering giving the dating scene another go, after so many years of false starts and epic letdowns.

Barry’s life was now vastly altered, right down to the molecular level and until he figured out what he was going to do with his new abilities, how he would function in everyday life, he didn’t know how long it would be until his world stabilized. If Barry gave Eddie hope now, after the nine month gap between them, only to have him end up thinking he was stringing him along while he adapted the changes, he could end up alienating him. And Barry liked Eddie, relationship or no, and to lose even a potential friendship because of that…

"What happens if-"

"Eddie, hi. Did you want a- oh."

Iris had suddenly appeared at their table and they turned their heads to find her eyes had become riveted on their hands, still clasped together, for everyone and their mother to see. Her jaw dropped open comically and Eddie released Barry's hand at the same time Barry jerked his arm back, matching expressions of guilt on their faces.

This time, it was Eddie's turn to blush and a frog seemed to have taken up residence in his throat. "I should, uh... the station, I should get back there." He croaked, visibly flustered. "Bank robber to catch. Bye, Iris. Bye, Barry."

For a second, Barry thought Eddie was the one who'd suddenly developed super speed, with how fast he got to his feet and flew out the door. He would have been impressed, if he'd not been aggravated at being left alone to deal with Iris. She'd been known to devour people whole when it came to getting all the details on a good gossip story.

Shifting in his seat as Iris turned back to him after watching Eddie flee, Barry smiled and let out a weak huff of laughter. It seemed he hadn’t yet filled his daily quota on awkward conversations.

 

* * *

 

Iris told her coworkers she was going out on break and all but hauled Barry out of Jitters, leading him out onto the street, heatedly demanding answers about what she’d just witnessed. They started walking around the block, silence hanging over them for a few minutes, as Barry had no clue how to even begin. Under Iris’ continued burning glare, however, he broke.

“All right, already, will you stop trying to kill me your eyes?”

“If you don’t start spilling right now, buster, I’m gonna kill you with my hands!” She reached out to him, clawing her hands and shaking them in the air emphatically.

Barry cracked a smile at the theatrics and shook his head. “In your state of shock and awe, did you forget that your dad is a _cop_? And don’t say he’d help you cover it up. Too many witnesses for that, this being a public sidewalk and all.” He pointed at all the other pedestrians around them.

Dropping her hands to her side, Iris shrugged idly, glancing at Barry out of the corner of her eye. “Fine, you win. Now stop stalling and start squealing."

" _Squealing_? What are you, a thirties noir movie?"

"Stallingagain."

Letting out a strange noise, a mix of a resigned sigh and a frustrated groan, Barry tilted his head around, as if to stretch himself in preparation for his confession. “You want the whole sordid tale or should I just start with Eddie?”

“Let’s start with Eddie and work our way back, shall we?” She asked, doing her best impression of Barry when he used his analytical voice. “Starting with how after only being awake for _half a day_ , you’re all of the sudden holding hands with him!”

“Right, that. Okay… my coma. Nine months has passed for you and everyone else in a nice linear fashion. But for me, it hasn’t.”

“Uh-huh…”

“So, from my perspective, I met Eddie _yesterday_. And _yesterday_ , after Eddie arrested that mugger, he was totally flirting with me. And I, uh… flirted back. Kinda. A little. Maybe more than a little.”

Iris snorted loudly in disbelief, unable to imagine Barry actually flirting with _anyone_. When he spoke with people he wasn’t really familiar with, unless it was about work or any one of the nerdy things he was into, Barry became a hot mess. When she’d been present to witness the occasional girl try and make a pass at him, Barry became the proverbial deer in the headlights. He froze up at the attention and would begin babbling, moving from one subject to another with such alacrity that it eventually scared the ladies off. Iris thought it was simply adorable, and it was one of the many things she loved about Barry, but the other girls didn’t seem to share her opinion.

“Hey, laugh all you want, but it happened, and it wasn’t completely awkward and sad. And you saw the result for yourself!” Barry hooked an arm over his shoulder, pointing back at Jitters, indicating to the scene that had led to them walking down the street. “Undeniable proof that I have game.”

“Pfft. Sure you do, sweetie.” She said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “But that brings us to the sixty-four thousand dollar question. Eddie’s a _guy_.”

“That’s _not_ a question.”

Iris slapped his arm, making him flinch away and chuckle at her. “Ha-ha. You know what I mean, Barry. Eddie’s a guy, and since when do you flirt with guys?”

“Well, there are a number of variables you have to consider when trying to answer that. First, you have to-”

Cutting off what could end up being an hour long dissertation on the intricacies of picking up men with a sharp wave of her hand, Iris shot another glare at him. “Are you gay, Barry? That’s what I’m getting at.”

Barry hissed a bit, lips curling up and revealing his teeth. “I don’t… trying to quantify and label the vagaries of my pitiful love life is difficult at best.”

“But you… like guys.”

“Sometimes.”

“And girls?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay, Mr. Mysterious, you’re gonna have to be a little _less_ mysterious if you want to satisfy my curiosity.”

Barry tucked his hands into his pockets, shoulders hunching up in a subconscious defensive gesture. When they came to a crosswalk, he used the gap crossing the street created in their conversation to figure out how to eloquently explain just how weird he was to Iris. His lack of social skills inhibited his ability to date successfully, and for the longest time, he’d been more preoccupied with trying to find a way to figure out what had killed his mother than worrying about finding a significant other.

“I dunno, Iris, I… you grew up with me. Did you see a line of people outside the front door just waiting to go out with me to dinner? Or to the football games, or to prom?”

Unfortunately, Iris knew the answer to that question. She’d been his date to their junior prom, not because she hadn’t had plenty of offers, but because Barry didn’t. Barry had turned her down at first, saying he didn’t want a pity date, but Iris swore that a prom without her best friend, her _brother_ , wasn’t a prom she wanted to go to, so he’d better say yes and like it.

He took her contemplative silence as his answer. “Exactly. Because to them, not only was I the resident weird nerdy kid, I was the weird nerdy kid whose dad killed his mom. Do you really think that gave me a lot of experience in dating? In relating to other people intimately?”

“No, but…” Iris twisted on her heel a half step, to look at Barry momentarily as they walked. “Oh! What about that girl in high school? The one in your chess club? Didn’t you two sorta date for awhile?” She righted herself and moved back beside him. "She obviously didn't think those things about you."

“Well, one, she was the only Goth kid in our school and she didn’t have any friends because of it, which made that and chess all we had in common. Two, we mainly just talked about whatever crazy stuff they’d printed in the latest issue of National Inquirer. And played chess… while occasionally holding hands. It was pretty much all I was capable of without making a complete ass of myself. I mean, she tried to kiss me one time and I got so focused on cataloging the potentially toxic chemical compounds in her black lipstick that I ended up with it all over my nose. She kinda soured on me after that.”

Laughing out loud, Iris clamped a hand over her mouth quickly to try and stop herself, though she wasn’t very successful. Her eyes softened apologetically, even as she continued giggling.

Barry laughed along with her, time and perspective allowing him to see the humor in the mortifying tale. “So yeah, not exactly what you would call a good primer on romantic relationships.”

She reached out and patted Barry’s back in consolation, hoping it made up for laughing in his face.

“It just… not a lot of people who knew about my past bothered getting to know me, as a friend or otherwise. So when people _did_ make the effort, I learned to value and appreciate them for treating me like an actual person, and their gender didn't matter to me. What mattered was who they were on the inside, and when I went away to college, it was a value I took with me. It also helped that no one there had read my name in the papers, so it became like a fresh start for me.”

“Because you were finally able to let your freak flag fly?”

Barry shrugged. “Yes and no. I still had absolutely no idea what I was doing when it came to building relationships, or even trying to play the field. I was so afraid I’d try to dip my toes in the water, only to fall in and crack my skull open, that I kept to myself for the longest time.”

“Okay then, what about, uh..." Iris snapped her fingers, trying to recall the name, right there on the tip of her tongue. "Oh! Leslie! I distinctly remember hearing about a Leslie while you were away. If you dated her, then you must have eventually found your footing.”

“Yeah, about that... Leslie was a _guy_ , and I may or may not have used his gender neutral name to my advantage, to keep you and Joe from finding out.”

Iris blinked at that, heart clenching a bit at learning she’d been lied to all this time. On one hand, she couldn’t really blame him. She’d read too many horror stories online from people who’d come out to their family and friends, only to be shunned, or worse. On the other hand, boldfaced lying was something she never would have thought Barry was capable of, and finding out the truth of the matter was painful. She began glaring at him again, once she got over the shock.

“Hey, hey, I thought we talked about you doing that.” Barry waved a finger at her narrowed eyes shooting hate beams at him.

“You deserve it, Barry! For lying to us, to _me_ , for thinking that my dad and I wouldn’t be okay with knowing that you’re… _whatever_ you’ve decided to label yourself in your mind.”

“What was I supposed to do, Iris?” Barry said, voice an octave away from a shout. “I waspretty much a social _pariah_! I talked about seeing a man made of lightning who killed my mom, and I had to deal with becoming the weird kid who made up lies to cover for my dad! Once I finally learned that it wasn't a good birthday party conversation, I went and made it even worse when I fell in love with science! That's when I found out I could use science and physics and logic to explain what happened that night! Suddenly, I was going around quoting the basic principles of quantum mechanics verbatim, when most boys were memorizing sports stats and drooling over Shakira.

“Your dad could barely keep up with me after that, and while he never came out and said it, it _did_ strain our relationship a little. Not just because he had no idea what I was talking about, but because he knew I was doing it for my dad. He thought I was wasting my talents on a fool’s errand. Even you couldn’t understand why I liked the things I did, and we were best friends. Do you really think that on top of all that, I wanted to be more of a burden by telling you and him and everyone else that sometimes, I found myself attracted to guys? So I could see that look of disappointment on his face one more time?! So I could go for the gold on the horrible adjectives people used to describe me behind my back? Y'know, when they weren't saying them right to my face.”

His throat went dry and Barry swallowed thickly, the trifecta of his life going off the rails complete. First the coma, then the speed, now his awful confession. If Iris only ended up hating him for telling her the truth, he’d consider himself a lucky man.

Hence his surprise when she smiled up at him, reaching up to cup his face in her hands. He stared down at her, eyes flicking back and forth as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

“Barry, listen to me, okay? Really _listen_. This is me you’re talking to. It doesn’t matter to me that you’re into conspiracy theories or yetis or whatever, or the fact that you can recite the periodic table by heart. I have never thought of you as the kid with the dead mom, or cared that you had zero social graces, and I _never_ resented you for being smarter than me. And I don’t care now that you’re sometimes gay. It doesn’t change who you are, or what you mean to me. There are no adjectives for you in my book, because to me, you will always be just plain ol’ Barry Allen. You’re my brother, and I love you. And my dad loves you, too, no matter what. Nothing could ever change that, for either of us.”

“Iris…”

“Hmm?”

“You’re squishing my face.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Iris grimaced when she realized what she was doing, his face a jumbled mess of distorted skin underneath her fingers and she released him so fast he stumbled back a bit.

Barry rubbed at his cheeks, feeling them go bright red, tingling from Iris’ hard grip. Heart racing in his chest as a weight seemed to magically lift from his shoulders, years of negative beliefs about himself banished by Iris’ words, Barry coughed to clear his throat of the lump that had formed and shifted on his feet to start walking again. Their abrupt halt on the sidewalk had created a bit of a logjam.

Falling into step with Barry, Iris took his hand in hers and laced their fingers together. “So… where were we? Oh yes, _Leslie_.”

Barry squeezed her fingers gently. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re like a dog with a bone?”

“It’s gotten even worse after those Journalism classes you talked me into, so you’ve only yourself to blame for it. And again, stalling.”

“Right, Leslie. He just sorta… happened. But we never did anything more than just fool around a few times.”

“So you never…?”

“No, romantic plebian, remember? Not a single clue about relationships, and no clue about sex either. I mean, I _knew_ about sex!" That declaration earned him a few sideways glances from other people on the street, and Barry lowered his voice to a more considerate volume. "Our sex education classes were _surprisingly_ informative and thorough… add that to every movie we watched with a gratuitous sex scene, before your dad found the remote and fast forwarded through them, and I had a very solid foundation in the mechanics.”

“Holy crap, Barry… Are you telling me that you’re still a _virgin_?”

“ _What_? No! Just… never with Les.” Barry used his free hand to rub at his neck in embarrassment.

An expectant grin spread on Iris’ face and she nodded for Barry to go on, dying to know more about this new side of him.

Barry exhaled a frustrated breath. “Okay, knowing the mechanics of it didn't mean I was prepared mentally for sex, and because of it, Les and I just drifted apart. I decided to console myself at a mixer on campus shortly after that and... ending up having a drunken one-night stand. Although afterward, she made it abundantly clear that it was more like a one _minute_ stand.”

“Oh, ouch.” Iris felt for Barry, she really did. She remembered her first virgin. The embarrassment after the fact had lasted longer than he had.

“Yeah. I don’t really remember it clearly. There was a lot of booze and dancing and hands. Way more hands on me than I was used to, and then I let her drag me into a closet. But a minute is a minute either way, so technically, per the bounds of the definition, yes, I lost my virginity to her.”

“And after your little hook-up…?”

“I became more adept in the art of intimacy. And no, I won’t go into all the sordid details,” Iris’ face slumped at that, “but brevity being the soul of wit, let’s just say that I gained some more experience with a select sampling of partners, both women _and_ men.”

“Uh-huh. So what you’re saying is instead of slaying co-eds left and right with your new-found sexual prowess, you stuck to your extremely rare species of adorable nerd, none of them lasting long though, as you’re obviously no longer with them and we never heard about them, aside from the one you _lied_ to us about being a chick.”

He hated to admit it, but Iris was right, and he nodded in affirmation. “That’s about the long and short of it, yeah.”

Pouting in sympathy, Iris tugged on Barry’s hand, pulling him in for a hug. “Oh, Barry… it’s okay. Not every man can go out and become some magnificent stud their first few times.”

Barry huffed in protest and leaned back from the hug to stare down at Iris. “Hey! Are you implying that I’m _not_ a stud?”

“Not at all. If someone like Eddie’s is trying to get in your pants, then you _must_ be a stud under all that cardigan and flannel.” She plucked at his sweater teasingly, smiling coyly up at him.

“Good. Cause I am, you know. When I went to Starling, I met this woman, Felicity, and we totally hit it off." Barry puffed up his chest a bit, proud of that little accomplishment.

"Oh, yeah?" Iris blinked in surprise, thinking that somehow, when she hadn't been looking, Barry _had_ developed stud-like qualities, to be talking about _two_ people who had piqued his unique interests.

"Yeah." Barry drew up an image of Felicity in his mind, remembering how amazing she was so he could accurately describe her to Iris. "She was just… smart, _my_ kind of smart, and funny, and so beautiful. She even rambled on worse than I did.”

Iris grinned up at him, though her brow furrowed in confusion. “So _she’s_ the one you met, the one you were telling me about before, you know, _before_ … But if you two hit it off so well, what happened? 'Cause I’m guessing nothing, if you and Eddie are the ones now dancing around each other.”

Bobbing his head from side to side in an iffy motion, Barry shrugged. “Good chemistry doesn’t mean good timing. She was sort of… pining, I guess, over someone else. I knew that if something happened between us, I’d just being a placeholder for who she really wanted, and it wouldn’t have been a good situation, in the long run.”

“Ah… smart thinking. You’re too good a person to be someone’s second choice. And from what I saw today, you’re definitely Eddie’s first choice. He must really dig your adorkableness, to have waited all this time for you." Iris reached up to boop his nose playfully and laughed.

He made a face at her, wiggling his nose around at the touch and they finally parted from the hug. Iris had to get back to work eventually, and they began walking once more, taking the path that would have led them in a circle back to Jitters. "What can I say? We had a moment, before the lightning bolt. There was just something about him... I can't even explain it properly. It was more of a feeling than anything else. But whatever it was, Eddie felt it, too."

Turning his thoughts inward for a second, he began contemplating Eddie and all the choices before him that he had to make. “Just do me a favor, will you, now that you know my big secret? Even though I know I don’t really deserve it, after keeping everything from you.”

“Depends on the favor, but I’m listening.” She replied magnanimously.

Barry turned his head to Iris, so she could see how serious he was. “Don’t tell your father about Eddie. Please?”

“Barry, I-”

“ _Please_?” He repeated, not caring if he came off desperate. “Just… there’s too much I have to deal with before I can even begin to _think_ about dating. Telling your dad about him, that I’m interested in his partner… it would not end well for me _or_ Eddie.”

“You’re asking me to _lie_ to my dad? Because that’s always worked out _so well_ for the both of us in the past.” Not that he had the power to ground them like he used to, but her dad could stick to a grudge when he put his mind to it. Iris folded her arms across her chest and looked at Barry expectantly. “You gotta do better than that.”

“Uh... it's not _really_ lying, if it makes you feel better. More like… keeping up with the status quo. Right now, me and Eddie getting together is just an idea, a hypothesis. Something that _might_ happen in the future. It’s Schrödinger’s Cat, in a real life applicable scenario. Just because we find each other physically appealing doesn't mean anything. We could go on a date and find out we have absolutely _nothing_ in common with each other. So until we open the box and find out if the cat is dead or not, there’s no point in having to say anything to Joe about it.”

Iris scrunched up her face in disgust. “Ugh, did you _have_ to mention dead cats? I’m gonna have to go watch a dozen cat videos now to bleach my head of _that_ mental image.”

“Sorry.” He grinned apologetically, ducking his head a bit. “Seems to be my mantra for the day… Don’t worry though. Once we figure out what’s going on, I’ll come clean to Joe. I might have to ply him with a few beers and hide his gun beforehand, but I promise, Iris. I will tell him eventually.” Before Iris could open her mouth, Barry held up a finger. "And even if Eddie and I don't get together, I'll still tell him."

Iris wavered for a moment, not relishing the idea of lying to her father, but she didn’t want to go behind Barry’s back and tell him something that wasn’t her business revealing. Barry had to man up and come out to her dad himself, even if it left her in a precarious position in the meantime.

“ _Fine_. But don’t drag your feet in getting around to it, okay? I won’t cover for you forever. And Eddie won’t wait forever either, just so you know.”

“Oh, I know. And trust me, I won't leave him hanging. More than I already have, that is, which was totally not my fault." Getting struck by lightning wasn't something one factored in for while making major life decisions.

“Well, at least now I know why he was always coming around to see you while you were in your coma. He _loved_ you.” Iris dragged out the vowels in a sing-song voice, making it sound completely ridiculous and childish.

“Eddie came to see me?” He asked, cutting off Iris' teasing. Barry hadn’t known that and neither Dr. Wells, Caitlin or Cisco had said anything about Eddie visiting him. Granted, at the mere mention of Joe and Iris, he had bolted out of the lab before he could hear anything else. He felt a tug low in his stomach, knowing Eddie had not given up on him.

“Oh, yeah, he-”

Before Iris could finish her sentence, the sound of sirens split the air and they both spun around to watch the fast approaching car chase. Half a dozen squad cars raced behind a black sports car and Barry almost let himself become too distracted by the spectacle to notice one of the cars lose control.

 

* * *

 

Barry managed to get Iris out of the way before they were hit by the car, thanks to his new abilities. In spying Clyde Mardon in the sports car, he chased after him without a second thought, leaving Iris, their conversation and all the revelations in the dust.

The weirdness of his life kept getting weirder and once more, and Barry's personal life took a backseat to exploring what everyone had once thought was impossible, what _Joe_ had thought impossible. But after that night, after Mardon had been dealt with, Joe’s disbelief thankfully became a thing of the past.

And with knowing what he could do with his new powers, the future seemed all the brighter. Until Joe asked him not to tell Iris about what he could do. Barry was hesitant, not wanting to lie to Iris, or anyone else, not after finally coming clean to her after so many years. But Joe had made him promise and Barry agreed, hating himself for the new set of lies, and wondered whether his powers would prove to be more of a curse than a blessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are, the first four! After this, I will start to fiddle with the timeline of events, to square the circle on the progression of Barry and Eddie's relationship in this arc, versus the progression of Iris and Eddie's on the show. Also, since it's usually impossible to find your own typos during editing, if you spot any misspellings or grammatical errors I overlooked, _please_ feel free to alert me to them!


	5. Mother's Child Having A Hard Time

Barry sat slumped in his chair, elbow perched on the table, cheek resting on his closed fist as he stared at the screen of his computer, waiting for the results of the test he was running to pop up. He wasn’t completely paying attention to it, his focus having drifted as his mind replayed the mistakes and disasters of the last few days in an epic self-induced guilt trip.

The door to his lab slid open and Barry jerked out of his stupor at the unexpected noise. Whipping his head around, he spotted Eddie walking in and he inwardly groaned. Eddie was so _not_ the person Barry wanted to see right now, but honestly, with everything else that was going sideways in his life, why not add Eddie into the mix?

Eddie shutting the lab door behind him tipped Barry off to the fact that this was going to be a private conversation and he had to forcibly keep himself in his chair, so as not to go racing away to avoid another embarrassment.

"Hey, Eddie," He mumbled halfheartedly, "what can I do for you?"

Taking note of the lackluster welcome, Eddie shook his head. "Nothing at all. I just wanted to come by and make sure you were okay." He passed by a table with a bunch of empty donut boxes on it and though this was Barry's lab, Eddie had the odd thought that there was no way he could have demolished all three boxes by himself. If he _had_ , Eddie would be surprised, never having pegged Barry as one to stress eat. Brushing the thought away, he came to a stop in front of Barry and peered down at him. "You, uh... weren't looking so hot the other day, after you'd passed out."

Spinning his chair around so that he was fully facing Eddie, Barry affected a casual posture and waved his hand in dismissive gesture. "Oh, uhm... that was nothing. Just the shock of the heist and low blood sugar is all. Not a good combination, so..." He tipped his head back, closing his eyes to mime passing out. He opened his eyes after a second and faked a grin. "I'm fine." 

That explained all the donuts, at least, but Eddie was far from being convinced that Barry was fine, his body language telling him more than his words were. He perched himself on the edge of Barry's desk, giving him a concerned look. "Uh-huh. Well, I was worried that maybe you were suffering from side-effects of your coma. I mean, a seasoned forensics assistant passing out at the scene of a crime? Being taken hostage isn't a cake-walk and it's not something you get over easily, but it didn't make sense to me, so here I am, checking in on you."

Leaning forward, Barry braced his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together. He flashed Eddie his most disarming smile and gave his head a shake. "Like I said, I'm fine. I've been seeing Dr. Wells and Dr. Snow every day since waking up, and they've run every test in the book on me. According to them, I am perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. I just needed to eat something and the adrenaline rush of being held at gunpoint didn't help. My brain is working properly, it just couldn't keep up with all the excitement."

It warmed his heart that Eddie was so concerned about him, it really did, but lying to him made Barry's gut churn and he thought he might be nauseous. He was tired of coming up with excuses and alibis for his whereabouts, and his mind immediately started up with the guilt again, his smile to wavering. He'd never told so many lies in his life but it was what he'd been reduced to, in keeping his secret safe. Barry hated himself for it and he was certain that he'd develop an ulcer if he kept with the lying. The thought made him rub at his stomach, as though he could feeling it forming already.

Watching Barry attempt to reassure him, it was obvious to Eddie that he wasn't being entirely honest and he couldn't do much to help if Barry wouldn't let him in. It was understandable, given the dichotomy of their time-warped relationship, but it didn't stop Eddie from wanting Barry to trust him, though.

"You're sure? Because you know if something was going on, you could tell me, right?" Eddie winced at the way that came out. The offer was sincere but he knew it had sounded a bit too much like the good cop in a cliché interrogation scenario. He tried again. "If anything, I want you to at least see me as a friend, Barry. And friends are there for each other when they need someone to talk to."

Barry ran a hand through his hair and exhaled through his nose. He _did_ need someone to vent to, to lift the weight off his shoulders so he could focus on his next move. Unfortunately, the circle of people he could come completely clean to was pitifully small and if he didn't do something, he knew he would break. When his mother had still be alive, she was always the one he went to when he was having problems and what he wouldn't give for her to be there, to give him advice on what he should do. But she had long ago been buried and he was just going to have to muddle through the best he could on his own. Making up his mind, time in the lab slowed as Barry stood up to begin racing around Eddie erratically.

"I would love to tell you everything, Eddie, if I didn't think you'd freak out on me. I'd _love_ to tell you how _fast_ I am now and about all the cool things I can do! That I've been saving people all over the city, that I'm using my powers to do something _good_...  And I wish I could tell you how you make me feel, because for the first time in a long time, someone wonderful wants me for _me_ , but I can't, because there's so much going on right now and I _hate_ that I've had to put you on the back burner. I hate being a disappointment _again_."

The image of Joe's face crumpling in pain as Barry declared loudly that he wasn't his father popped up in his mind and all the energy went out of him. Deflating, Barry flew back into his chair. He thought he'd feel better after getting everything off his chest, but it had only made him feel worse. He consoled himself by staring at the open, concerned expression frozen on Eddie's face for a half-second before time resumed around him.

"I know, Eddie," He said, as if there had been no break in their conversation and that he now wasn't ridiculously hungry, "And I appreciate the gesture, but-"

Cut off mid-sentence as the door to the lab opened once more, Barry lifted his head to see Joe come walking in, his stride and expression all business. He groaned loudly and pushed himself out of his chair, wanting to stand tall despite all the turmoil he was feeling from his argument with Joe. "Come to yell at me some more?"

Spying Eddie over Barry's shoulder, Joe knew it wasn't the time or the place to say what was really on his mind, and he held his tongue until they would have a chance to talk alone. "Simon Stagg's head of security was murdered last night."

Eddie quickly got to his feet, schooling his face into a mask of professionalism. Joe handed Barry an evidence envelope and Barry took it from him, blinking in surprise. "The coroner got some skin samples from the body. Hopefully they belong to the killer. See if you can find a match."

Coming up behind Barry, Eddie glanced down at the envelope, then flicked his gaze up to Joe. "It can't be a coincidence that Stagg's event was attacked yesterday."

"I know, that's why we're going to interview Stagg right now."

"I can come with you guys." Barry chimed in.

" _No_. Your job is in here, stay in here and do it."

Eddie wasn't sure of what was going on between Joe and Barry, but whatever it was, he didn't want them to start arguing right in front of him. Sliding his hand down the front of his tie to straighten it in an unconscious gesture, Eddie cleared his throat, to stop the building tension before it boiled over. Barry turned his head away, rolling his eyes petulantly, accepting the order, though he didn't like it.

Joe nodded, hating to leave things where they were, but there were bigger fish to fry at the moment. He motioned for Eddie to follow him. Eddie spared Barry one final glance. "Good luck, Barry." He clapped a hand on his shoulder, fingers holding on for a second too long before he realized it and dropped his arm.

"Yeah, thanks, Eddie." He said through clenched teeth. Watching them both leave, Barry sighed heavily, shoulders slumping, despite the warmth left behind from Eddie's touch, and he wondered what else could possibly go wrong.

After several minutes of mental self-flagellation, Barry pulled a pair of gloves from the box beside his laptop, putting them on so he could run tests on the skin sample Joe had brought him. He had just unsealed the evidence bag and opened the envelope when he heard footsteps coming down the hall.

The sound of her heels clicking on the floor preceded Iris into his lab and he smiled at her as she sauntered in. "Hey, what's up? You just missed your dad." He turned away from her to grab a swab, using it to lift the sample from the envelope, listening to Iris move behind him and set her coffee down on the other table as he worked.

"No, I just ran into him and Eddie on the stairs." She said, voice tight. "But I didn't come here to see him." There was a beat of silence. "You gonna tell me why he's mad at you?"

Barry shrugged a shoulder and swiped the sample onto the test tray. "Just... work stuff." He craned his head around to glance at her, then stopped when he saw the look on her face. "Why are _you_ mad at me?" _Oh right, it isn't enough that Joe and Caitlin are mad at me, the universe felt the need to go for a full trifecta_ , he thought morosely. If he'd actually been paying attention, he might have sensed Iris building up a head of steam after she'd walked in.

"Oh, I don't know... maybe because you were supposed to come to Jitters to give me a scientific background for my article and you _bailed_ without saying anything." She replied, tapping her fingernails on the table expectantly. "Now I have to come up with a whole new article, or I will fail the assignment."

It took only a moment before it hit Barry like a ton of bricks. He'd been so caught up in his own shame spiral that he'd forgotten his promise to Iris. Sighing, he tore off his gloves and spun around on his heel to apologize. "Iris, I..."

"Don't say you're sorry, okay? I know you are. I just don't get what's going on with you. You're constantly running off at all hours and coming up with lame excuses afterward, which by the way, _aren't_ very convincing, so you might want to try coming up with some new material." Iris found his stash of sugar packets somewhere in the mess on his desk and tore them open, then peeled the lid off her cup of coffee so she could dump the sugar in. "And now my dad is all mad at you... You've never been this unreliable before and I don't understand it, Barry.  I mean... have you been secretly hooking up with Eddie? Is that it?"

"No! I am not hooking-" Barry jerked his head toward the open door to make sure no one was walking by, and then lowered his voice, just in case. "I'm not hooking up with Eddie! I'm-" Running a hand over his face, he tried to stall for time to come up with something that Iris would believe, since his other excuses apparently weren't doing the trick. He wanted nothing more than to tell her that he was busy training at S.T.A.R. Labs, honing his new skills and using them just as Oliver had said he'd should, to be a hero.

But instead of confessing everything to her, Barry kept his promise to Joe, which meant that once more, he had to lie her. He almost wished he could say that he and Eddie _were_ hooking up, that they were sneaking around under everyone's noses, if only so he tell Iris something that was _actually_ true, to make up for keeping her in the dark, again. Iris and her schoolwork weren't the only one suffering from his lack of free time, though. Barry had been so focused on improving his speed, preparing himself for the next meta to crawl out of the woodwork that he hadn't been able to slow down and figure out what he was going to do about his Eddie situation.

They'd entered into a weird sort of holding pattern, sticking with professional courtesies and clipped conversations, Eddie doing exactly what he'd said and that was giving him space. Only instead of using that space to figure out what he was going to do like he'd said he would, Barry had avoided it like the plague. It was now ten times more complicated than just deciding whether or not to dip his pen in the company ink. If Iris was complaining that they'd had zero time to spend together, how would that translate into a relationship with Eddie? How could he be in a relationship when he couldn't share everything about himself with his partner?

It wouldn't be fair to Eddie to not commit himself completely, when Eddie had more than proven that he was willing to do the same for him. And if they _did_ start dating, they worked together. Feigning having to go to work to run off and stop a mugging or a convenient store hold up, or to go toe-to-toe with someone else effected by the particle accelerator, Eddie would eventually find out that he was being lied to. There was no way Barry could repay Eddie's kindness and dedication with secrets and lies.

His head was a mess of what-ifs and maybes and Barry thought that his brains might explode out his ears if he spent any longer thinking about it. He wanted so badly to confide in Iris, to have his best friend understand what was going on with him and be on his side, where Joe and Caitlin had not. But he couldn't.

Before he could come up with something to appease Iris and diffuse her anger, his computer beeped. Barry turned around, tapping his fingers on the keys to bring up the results.

"Oh, no," Iris huffed, "We are _not_ done talking about this."

Not even paying attention to her, Barry stared at the screen, confused. "Huh. That's weird."

Iris knew a brush-off when she heard it and sighed. She was _so_ going to kick his ass when this was all over with, and knowing Barry the way she did, he'd let her do it too, because he would think he deserved it. Waving a hand in temporary defeat, she walked up behind him and peeked down at the screen. "What is it?"

"These cells, they're naïve."

At Iris' blank expression, Barry elaborated. "They're stem cells. They can replicate and become whatever the body needs, but they're only found in infants."

She arched a brow. "So what... your killer's a baby?"

Barry shook his head, to keep himself laughing inappropriately at the mental image of a serial killer baby. There had to be a plausible explanation for Stagg's security guy to have stem cells on him, and just to be certain there wasn't a problem with the sample, Barry ran the test again. He and Iris stood there waiting in uncomfortable silence, the machine humming quietly as it worked. Finally, the computer beeped again, but nothing had changed.

"I gotta take this to Singh." He said, trying to work out what it could mean for the case. Moving the mouse around quickly, Barry clicked the command to print off the results. Snatching the sheet of paper off the printer as it came out, Barry cast Iris an apologetic glance. "Sorry, Iris, I gotta-"

"Yeah, I know, just go. But don't think we won't be finishing this conversation." She put a hand on her hip and stared him down, to let him see just how serious she was.

"Later, I promise!" Not that his promises meant much these days...

Barry all but ran out of the lab, thankful for the reprieve and the time it would give him to come up with a believable excuse for Iris when they met up again, even as the guilt over lying began to eat at him once more.

Walking into the bullpen to find all hell breaking loose, Barry watched the officers gearing up like they were going to war. The captain hurried out of his office while adjusting his Kevlar vest, and Barry knew then that something awful was happening.

"Captain, what's going on?"

"Not now, Allen," Singh replied brusquely, double checking his sidearm, "Someone's shooting up the Stagg Industries warehouse."

Stopping dead, Barry watched him and half the department storm out of the precinct.

"Eddie," Barry whispered under his breath. " _Joe_."

Joe's disapproval meant nothing then, as Barry knew he couldn't just sit around twiddling his thumbs, not when they were in danger. A true hero didn't care about danger, not when the lives of the people they cared about were at risk. Barry had to trust that he'd been given his powers for a reason, and now, that reason was Joe and Eddie. Everything else fell by the wayside and he'd just have to deal with Joe's anger after the fact.

At least it would mean that he was _alive_ to be angry with him, and that was all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

Folding the empty pizza boxes and crushing them up the best he could so they'd all fit in his garbage can, Barry jammed them in the best he could, feeling happy for the first time in days. And it wasn't just from all the cheese and grease currently clogging up his arteries.

Everything that had been going wrong for Barry had seemed to right itself on its own and the burden of guilt had lifted from his shoulders. Caitlin had been swayed to help him and Cisco out, though Barry kinda thought that Cisco's childlike enthusiasm for their moonlighting activities was what had done the trick, and that she believed they needed an _actual_ adult to supervise them, so they both didn't wind up dead, or worse.

It wasn't just Caitlin either. For the first time since finding out what he could do, Joe was in his corner and the confidence that fact instilled in Barry was almost overwhelming. Not just because Joe was finally on board with his new mission in life, to use his powers to not just to catch metas, but to help those who needed it most, but now, after fourteen years, Joe was going to help him get his father's conviction overturned. The idea that someday soon, he'd be able to see his father without a bulletproof glass partition between them, it filled Barry with a giddy elation.

Sure, it would be a hard road to travel, finding a way to exonerate his dad without letting the public at large know that metas existed, but the end results would be worth the battle. Then again, if Iris was adamant in her endeavor to write about him, the Streak, the world would be aware of metas soon enough. Barry wasn't exactly sure he was comfortable with the idea of her writing about him, putting herself out on the front lines for a story she was truly excited about, but for now at least, that was a bridge he'd have to burn when he got to it.

Kicking the trashcan under his desk, Barry sighed and started closing down the lab for the night. He wanted nothing more than to put on his suit and get out on the street, to run around the city and clear his head. Despite all the pieces falling slowly into place, he still had Danton Black's death on his conscience. Dr. Wells had tried to assure him that there was nothing he could done for him, but it didn't erase the image of Black falling to his death from his mind, and he didn't think anything he -or anyone else- did would ever let him be rid of it.

He went through the motions of shutting down his computer and flicking off his desk light, lost in his morbid thoughts, when a soft knocking at the door caught his attention. Glancing over, Barry saw Eddie leaning casually against the door jamb. Barry cursed internally, feeling a sense of déjà vu wash over him. In all the excitement, he'd all but forgotten about Eddie.

Earlier at Jitters, he'd been so focused on finding Iris, to finish their conversation and apologize to her that he'd not spoken more than a few words of congratulations for Eddie's good work at the warehouse, and subsequent television interview. Now he felt like even more of a heel. He'd raced headlong into danger to save Eddie and Joe, but afterward, he'd let the hectic craziness that followed confuse his priorities.

"Hey, Eddie. What are still doing here?"

Taking that as a cue to come in, Eddie took a step forward, and shut the door behind him. _Great, another fun, private talk_. Barry was starting to wonder why Eddie was so interested in him, seeing as he'd barely had time lately to give him more than a second thought.

"I was just heading out, actually. Had to finish up my report for Singh, and thought I'd come up to say goodnight."

He wanted to ask why a simple goodnight required a closed door, but he was distracted by Eddie slowly but surely closing the distance between them. Panicking, Barry side-stepped Eddie before he got too close, making a beeline toward the door, pretending he was finishing his routine in closing up for the night.

"Uh, yeah, goodnight." He said, shutting off the overhead light, leaving them both bathed in the faint glow of the security lights. Barry went over to the coat rack, so he could grab his bag and jacket, giving him something other than Eddie to focus his attention on.

Eddie could sense that Barry was nervous, so instead of the direct approach he'd originally planned out, he went for something more subtle. 

"I see that you and Joe made up." He threw out, hoping it would keep Barry from running away before they had a chance to clear the air. "Do I even want to know what you were fighting about?" Joe was his partner after all, and though it didn't mean they knew every aspect of each other's lives, a good partner kept himself apprised of the general goings on, as even the smallest oversight could get someone hurt in the field.

"Huh? Oh, just… family stuff. But it's all good now."

"That's good. I'm glad to hear it." Eddie said, nodding, not wanting to seem like he was prying, even though he was dying to know what was going on with him. There was definitely a dark cloud hanging over Barry, and Eddie didn't like the sight of it. It reminded him too much of sitting at Barry's bedside during his coma, watching his slack face twitch every now and again in what he thought was pain. Eddie used to think Barry was experiencing nightmares, until Caitlin had politely explained to him that most coma patients didn't have the proper brain function for dreams, or nightmares. It didn't stop Eddie's heart from clenching from seeing his face like that, though, not when the memories of Barry's vibrant smile were still so fresh in his mind.

Eddie shook off those thoughts, not wanting to go to a dark place himself, and he cleared his throat. "You know my offer from before still stands. If you need someone to talk to, you know I'm here for you. Just... keep that in mind."

Smiling wanly at him, Barry shrugged his jacket on, grabbing the lapels to give it a good shake and straighten it out. 

"Thank you, Eddie. That means a lot to me." _Even if you're just another person I have to keep secrets from_ , he thought. "Honestly. I know it's been kinda... weird, I guess, between us, and I know it seems like I'm stringing you along because I haven't come to a decision yet, but with getting settled back in and coming right back to work, and then all this with Joe and Iris," Barry slipped into full ramble mode, "and the other stuff going on right now, trying to find a minute to assess my priorities has been easier said than done..."

He took in a deep breath to refill his lungs before continuing. "But I swear I'm not keeping you on the hook, at least not on purpose. You said you'd give me all the time I needed, which is... amazing." Barry ran a hand through his hair, twisting the strands as though they were a valve that would shut his mouth off, with no immediate success. "Not many people would wait around for the better part of a year for someone who wasn't a sure thing and that just speaks... _volumes_ about how good a person you are on the inside, that you care so much. And the outside isn't so bad, either. I mean, look at you."

Barry waved at hand at Eddie. "Not that you can really look at yourself, obviously, but I can and it's... you're... yeah. I'd be insane to say no to you. Not that I'm objectifying you in _any_ way, because that'd be incredibly wrong of me to see you as an object of desire based on looks alone. Point is you're an awesome guy, in every way, and I feel terrible about brushing you off, because no one deserves that."

Eddie found himself thoroughly impressed, listening to Barry carry on. Before now, he'd only thought high school girls could maintain one side of a conversation with limited oxygen intake, but Barry was admirably proving otherwise. Ducking his head, he let out a quiet laugh and flicked his gaze upward, watching Barry wave his hands around as he rattling on at great length. At that moment, however, Eddie thought there were better things he could do with that mouth. And Barry _had_ just called him attractive...

Throwing caution into the wind, he launched toward Barry, who was still going strong and before he realized what was going on, Barry's back hit the wall. Eddie crowded into his personal space and lifted his arm, bracing a hand on the wall behind Barry's head. He paused, wanting to savor the moment, the two of them staring into each others eyes, knowing what was coming next and the anticipation of it leaving him nearly breathless.

The first touch of their lips was chaste, a measure of utmost restraint on his part. Then Barry gave in, their mouths sliding together, lips puckering as they met, parted and met again. Emboldened by the fact that the Barry didn't push him off or turn his head away demurely, Eddie decided to go for broke. His tongue peeked out, the pink tip licking at the seam of Barry’s lips and it was blessedly granted entrance. 

He lapped at the roof of Barry’s mouth with a pleasured groan, finally able to do what he'd been thinking of for _months_ , but instead of hastily tasting him, Eddie _breathed_ him in, tongues twining and dancing off each other sinuously. The temperature around them spiked, both of them panting heavily with desire as they sank deeper and deeper into the kiss, neither of them wanting it to be over quickly. Eddie regained a modicum of self-control and backed off a bit, not wanting to scare Barry by going too fast too soon, trading the passionate, all-consuming kiss for soft pecks and quick flicks of his tongue.

Barry was having none of that. He'd not been aware of just how much he'd _needed_ such a devouring until Eddie had cornered him, the simple intimacy blowing his problems away, if only for a moment. When he tried to slow things down, Barry's hands moved under Eddie's suit jacket, and came to a rest on his hips, fingers hooking around his belt loops to tug him a little closer. Sinking into Eddie, their bodies pressed together, Barry took him to task, breathing hard through his nose as he went about committing every contour of his mouth to memory.

Chuckling low in his throat at Barry's unanticipated insistence, Eddie found himself giving in, lifting his other hand to cup Barry's cheek, thumb sweeping over the line of his jaw reverently. If Barry didn't think this qualified as moving too fast, then far be it for Eddie to deny him what he wanted.

 _That_ line of thought was what brought Eddie back to himself. Just because Barry seemed gung-ho about the kiss didn't mean that continuing on with it was the right thing to do. It would have been easy for both of them to get lost in the moment, but the last thing Eddie wanted was for Barry to do something he'd end up regretting later.

Slowly pulling away, Eddie opened his eyes and was treated to one hell of an appetizing visual: Barry, skin completely flush, head back against the wall, eyes still closed, kiss-reddened lips slightly parted as he let out a shuddering breath.

Eddie had to rein in the urge to dive back in for more, overriding the demands of his body with all his might. He needed a distraction, so he busied himself with trailing his fingers trail down Barry's cheek to his neck, tracing the line of his freckles down to find his pulse racing. The pad of his thumb rested there, the erratic thump caused by adrenaline and endorphins enticing to Eddie for some unknown reason. He chalked it up to caveman mentality, being turned on by the knowledge that he'd had such an effect on Barry.

When Barry cracked his eyes open, vision slightly hazy from euphoria, he licked his lips languorously when he caught Eddie staring intently at him. "... Wow." He croaked. "That... I. _Wow_."

Smirking in satisfaction, Eddie arched a brow and circled his thumb over the spot on Barry's neck lazily. "Never get tired of hearing that." He said, his voice more gravelly than normal.

Barry rolled his eyes and yanked at Eddie's belt loop playfully. "Have you ever been accused of having even the _slightest_ sense of modesty, Detective?"

Eddie responded by leaning in to steal a quick kiss. "Never." He whispered huskily. Pushed himself off the wall, he put some space between them, so as not to be tempted to go back for seconds and thirds.

Barry released his grip on Eddie, not wanting to let go, but knowing it was for the best. He dropped his hands to his side and smiled. "Thank you, Eddie..."

"For what?"

"For that. For figuring out a way to shut me up. Because I sure as hell wasn't capable of doing it myself."

Chuckling, Eddie scrubbed his stubble covered chin with a hand, whiskers rasping as he did so, and he shot Barry a sly grin. "Truth be told, I actually like listening to you talk. I think it's kinda cute. But it wasn't to shut you up."

Brow furrowing, Barry stared at him, confused. "... it wasn't?"

"Believe it or not, Mr. Allen, I've actually been thinking about doing that for what I can _guarantee_ was an excruciatingly long time. And you seemed like you could use a pick-me-up. Two birds, one stone."

"Oh. Yeah, the last few days have been rough. And that definitely helped. I mean... wow." Barry could still feels his lips tingling.

Eddie barked out a laugh, feeling his chest swell with pride. "I know what you mean. Don't worry, though. That was a no strings attached thing. I'm not the kind of person who expects a kiss to come with a proposal of marriage or anything. So if you decide that this," He motioned between them with a finger, "isn't want you want, I won't take it personally. Don't get me wrong, I'll be upset, because that kiss? Wow doesn't even begin to cover it. But I'll understand."

Barry cocked his head to the side, wondering what he could have possibly done to deserve someone like Eddie in his life. "How can you... be so _cool_ about this? Most people would have been running for greener pastures by now."

Eddie grinned again and leaned to the side of Barry to grab his bag for him from the coat rack. "In case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not most people." He casually tossed him the bag and Barry managed to catch it, a puzzled expression on his face as he started for the door. Opening it up, he paused, glancing back at Barry.

"And the answer to your question is patience. The best things in life are always worth waiting for. Call me cocky, but I think that was just the incentive you needed, and now, I believe that I'm going to be rewarded for my patience with that date."

With that, Eddie strolled confidently out of the lab and Barry was left shaking his head. _Cocky indeed._

He had to admit, though, it was a phenomenal first kiss, and he certainly hadn't pushed Eddie away, which he could have done if he hadn't truly wanted it. He couldn't deny how it made him feel, even if it did complicate things for him even more. But thinking pragmatically, he knew he'd be dead long before life ever got uncomplicated, and if he didn't at least try, he'd always wonder what could have been. Besides, it was just one date, and he _really_ wanted to kiss Eddie again.

The world wouldn't fall apart because of one date, and if didn't let himself, neither would he.

 

* * *

 

Infused with a new energy and sense of purpose, Barry hurried into his suit and raced out of the precinct, feeling like he could take on the world. And when Caitlin's voice came on through his earpiece, he _knew_ he could take on the world.


	6. Something Between Us

"So am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?" Cisco glanced between Caitlin and Barry expectantly, waiting for a confirmation from either one of them. "'Cause you gotta admit, it's pretty crazy."

"It's just _one_ date, Cisco, I think I'll be all right." Barry kicked at the floor with his foot to spin the chair he was sitting in and the metal support bar squeaked slightly underneath him as he drifted around in a lazy circle. "And if something major happens, I'll have my phone on me. I can just say I have to, y'know, go to the bathroom and hope I can get back before Eddie thinks I have like, irritable bowel syndrome or whatever." He was less worried about having to run off in the middle of his date, and more worried that if he did, his clothes or shoes might burn off from not having his speed suit handy. He'd already spent way too much money replacing his wardrobe in the last few weeks, and he wasn't excited about the prospect of spending even more.

"Dude, you _misunderstand_ me." Cisco said firmly, brushing back a stray lock of his dark hair. "It's not the date itself, it's the fact that you're going out on a date with a guy who spent the last nine months creeping on you while you were dead to the world."

Barry stopped spinning and scoffed at Cisco. "Eddie wasn't _creeping_ on me! He _cared_ about me and he wanted to come and visit. Iris and Joe did it, and you're not accusing them of being creeps."

"That's because they're your family, they're _supposed_ to visit you. Don't get me wrong, we all hung out with Eddie when he came to see you and I'll freely admit that he wasn't a complete tool, but he _barely_ knew you before the accident." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean, what kinda person stalks someone in a coma, huh? And then hits on them right after they wake up from said coma? A creeper, that's who. You're gonna go out and think you're having a nice time, but before the night is over, you'll end up a lampshade or a skin-suit."

"Don't listen to him, Barry," Caitlin interjected, patting his arm gently, "I think it's sweet. Like a real life _Sleeping Beauty_." She clapped her hands together in front of her chest, a romantic twinkle in her eye, only to dissolve into a frosty glare that she leveled on Cisco.

"Eddie is a nice guy and you know it, so there will be no more talk of skin-suits." Cisco started to say something, but she raised her hand sharply to cut him off. " _Don't_ ruin this for Barry. It's his first date, there will be no putting gross... B-horror movie ideas in his head. Besides, on the off-chance Eddie _was_ a psychotic stalker, it's not like Barry can't defend himself. Eddie wouldn't stand a chance against him."

Barry stared at Caitlin with wide eyes, hurt that she would even consider Cisco's ridiculous stalker scenario. "Ugh, not you, too. I thought you were on my side!"

"I am." She said primly. "I was just being hypothetical." Caitlin decided they needed a change of conversation, and fast, before the conversation dissolved even further. "So what's on the agenda for tonight?" She asked, none too subtly.

"Dinner and a movie, your typical first date stuff. It's just a dry run, so we're just keeping it low-key." He flicked his eyes toward Cisco and smirked at him. "And don't worry, _mom_ , I'll be home at a decent hour, with my skin intact."

Cisco jabbed a finger in his direction. "Yuk it up, man, just don't come crying to me when he goes all Leatherface on you."

Barry slapped his hands on the metal arms of the chair and got to his feet. "Well, _that's_ my cue to leave. Don't take it personally when I say I hope I don't hear from either of you tonight, and I'll be back tomorrow for another, hopefully less horrifying gossip session." He grabbed his coat off the back of the chair. "If you see Dr. Wells, tell him I said goodnight."

Caitlin nodded, offering him a smile. "Have fun, Barry."

"Yeah, dude, have fun." Cisco chimed in ominously. "It was nice knowing you." Caitlin smacked his arm and he gasped dramatically, rearing back out of her reach.

Grinning and laughing at the pair of them, Barry headed out of the lab, not wanting to be late and make Eddie think he'd been stood up. Getting into the elevator, he glanced down at his watch to discover that he was already late. Groaning loudly, the sound reverberating off the elevator walls, Barry put on the speed as soon as the doors opened and raced downtown.

About a hundred yards away from the restaurant they'd decided to meet up at, Barry slowed to a more normal pace and walked the rest of the way down the block. Smoothing down his windblown hair, he spotted Eddie through the crowd of pedestrians on the sidewalk, waiting for him just outside the front entrance.

"Eddie, hey!" Barry called out to him, waving to get his attention, then abruptly dropping his arm, realizing he looked like flailing, overeager idiot. Clearing his throat, he tried to appear more casual, shoving his hands in his coat pockets as he made his way over to him. "Hey, sorry I'm late. I kinda... lost track of time."

Smiling warmly at Barry, Eddie shook his head. "It's fine, Barry, don't worry, I just got here myself about a minute ago." Eddie gave him a quick once over, and immediately felt overdressed in his suit when he saw Barry was wearing a t-shirt and dark colored khakis under a hooded jacket. They'd agreed that they wouldn't do anything fancy, in effort to keep it simple, but Eddie had been so preoccupied in getting ready that he'd gone for his default attire. "I figured you'd be running behind anyway."

"Ah," Barry blinked, not expecting that Eddie would have taken his inability to show up on time into account and adjusted his own arrival time accordingly. "Cool..." It made sense to him, since it was a well-known fact around the precinct that he was guaranteed to be late, try though he might, and it showed incredible foresight on Eddie's part. When he'd first gotten his powers, he assumed that it would solve that problem for him, but it hadn't proven so yet, except when it _truly_ counted, so Barry couldn't blame Eddie showing up late himself.

"No offense." Eddie said, seeing the expression on Barry's face and he held up his hands deferentially. "I just thought if we were both late-"

"No, no, believe me, if there's one thing I'm well aware of, it's the fact that I'm _never_ on time. Singh once said that if ever showed up to a crime scene on time, Hell would freeze over." _That_ had been a fun little pep talk, standing right over a dead body, and it was something Barry didn't want to dwell on right then. "It's okay."

Silence filled the space between them and Eddie mentally kicked himself for saying anything at all. _Great way to start the evening_ , _idiot_ , he thought, _why not find more flaws to point out and make things_ really _awkward?_ Eddie scratched at his chin anxiously, and then motioned toward the restaurant with a hand, hoping to distract Barry from the verbal faux pas.

"Do you, uh, want to head inside?" Blinking at the stupidity of his own question, Eddie began wondering what had happened to every ounce of coolness he'd been carefully honing since high school. "Of course you do, you suggested this place."

Stepping up to Eddie, Barry placed his hands on his shoulders, looking into his eyes to settle and ground him. "Eddie. _It's okay_. I'm not upset. If anything, I'm glad you did it, otherwise I'd be upset at myself, for making you wait. So stop spazzing and breathe."

Eddie took a deep breath through his nose, centering himself, then exhaled through his mouth. "Sorry. I've just... I've spent the better part of a year imagining how our first date would be and right off the bat..."

Lips twisting up in a wry grin, finding Eddie's nervousness absolutely endearing, Barry squeezed his shoulders lightly. "Well, why don't we consider this moment right here the _actual_ start of the date. Hi, Eddie, you look great. Nice tie. Really brings out your eyes. This is where you'd compliment me in return," He paused, giving Eddie a moment to jump in.

Getting the hint, Eddie chuckled in embarrassment. "Yeah, you look good, too." He reached up and plucked at Barry's shirt. "Amazing, actually."

"Thank you." He said, pleased Eddie didn't mind that he was woefully under dressed, as he had honestly assumed dinner and movie was code for jeans and a t-shirt. But that's what he got for making assumptions. "And now we walk inside the restaurant like normal, hungry people. You can put your arm around me if you like, though I guess that would be a personal preference, not a requirement." He released his grip on Eddie, hands falling to his side, waiting to see what he'd do before making a move.

Eddie nodded resolutely, letting out another calming breath before they turned toward the entrance of the restaurant. He furrowed his brow questioningly. "How is that you've somehow become the level-headed one and I'm the one having the panic attack?"

"Oh, don't be fooled. I'm freaking big time, but for once, I wasn't the first to make an ass of myself and I'm kinda enjoying how the tables have turned." Barry flashed him a thousand watt smile and nudged Eddie playfully with his elbow.

"Thanks, Barry." Eddie said sardonically. "I'm feeling better about my prospects already."

"You should." Barry replied, pointedly ignoring Eddie's jibe, "I hope this place isn't packed, because I am starving." As if on cue, his stomach gave an almighty growl and Eddie was thrown by the sheer volume of it. By the sound, he'd have thought Barry hadn't eaten all day, but Eddie knew for a fact that he was constantly surrounded by food. Still, it wouldn't do to keep a hungry man waiting.

"Good idea." He said, laughing as he reached out for the handle of the door to open it up for Barry, hand coming to a rest on the small of his back as they walked in. Barry shifted under the touch but didn't shake off the hold, and with some of his former bravado coming back to him, Eddie kept his hand where it was. He peeked at Barry out of the corner of his eye. "Are you really freaking out about this?"

Barry turned his mouth down in a casual shrug as they got in the line at the hostess' podium. "Did you really fantasize about how our first date would go the whole time I was... y'know. Out."

"If I said yes, you wouldn't think I'm a psycho, would you?" Even he had to admit that the circumstances were a little weird, if not downright crazy and deserving of a restraining order. He just hoped Barry wasn't put off by the idea.

Cisco's words from earlier rang in Barry's ears and he had to laugh at the irony that the one person who would have sided with Cisco was Eddie himself. "I mean... if we were to go back to your place after this- not that I'm saying we will! I'm not the type of person to put out on the first date, so this is all purely hypothetical!"

The woman standing in the line in front of them turned around to give them a scandalized look, and both Barry and Eddie immediately gave her apologetic, placating smiles. After she turned away, Barry pitched his voice lower.

"If we went back to your place, am I going to find a-" _don't say skin-suit_ , _don't say skin-suit_ , _do_ not _say skin-suit_ , "shrine or something built to me in your closet?"

Eddie had no idea where _that_ had come from, and though he knew that Barry had a good imagination for the weird and fantastical, the idea of him having a shrine went well beyond weird. "No, no... shrines or anything shrine related."

 _Well, that's a relief,_ Barry thought. "Then no, you're not crazy. Just a romantic, I suppose. And that's not a bad thing to be."

Eddie smiled at him, heart doing a somersault in his chest, glad Barry didn't think he was some weirdo, and it occurred to him that even after the rocky start, there was hope that the date could be salvaged.

 

* * *

 

"On a regular movie scale, that was around a seven or an eight. On a zombie movie scale, that was a four, _tops_."

He and Barry were walking out of the theater, arms wrapped around each other. Halfway through the movie, Eddie had successfully pulled off the classic yawn and stretch maneuver during one of the more intense scenes of extreme violence, and hadn't let go of him since, not even as Barry dissected each frame of the movie with gusto.

"Wait, there's a scale?" Eddie said, cutting Barry off. His tastes ran more toward action and buddy-comedy flicks, so the existence of a scale was news to him.

Barry blew past the question, mind still on the tangent. "Oh! Did you know that zombies exist in nature? There's this fungi that attacks ants and grows in their brains, taking complete control of their motor functions and directs it upward over the colony. The thing then grows inside the zombie ant and the spores _explode_ from the dead husk, which in turn infects new hosts. And its not _just_ ants! There are dozens of species of the fungi that targets specific insects and it can wipe out entire colonies. Population control at its most bizarre."

Barry glanced over at Eddie excitedly, only to find him not as interested in the topic as he was and he deflated a bit. "I'm going full nerd again, aren't I?"

"A little, yeah. But you just so happen to be the most gorgeous nerd I know, and I like hearing you talk, remember?"

He tried to keep the self-satisfied smirk off his face, but Barry couldn't help it. It was great, being out with someone who didn't mind his tendency to ramble on and a warm feeling blossomed in his chest at the knowledge. He pressed himself into Eddie and nudged his hip playfully. "Yeah, but I can't spend the whole night running off at the mouth. What about you, did you like the movie?"

Eddie opened his mouth to try and gently explain that he'd not been quite as enthralled by it as Barry, only to be cut off by the sensation of his phone buzzing in his pocket. Releasing his arm from its hold on Barry, Eddie fished the phone out, and saw that Singh was calling. He shot Barry an apologetic look. "It's Singh... I gotta take this."

Barry shook his head to tell Eddie it was okay, knowing all too well that the job took precedence and resigned himself to waiting quietly on the sidewalk for him to finish. Eddie took a few steps away, though Barry could still pick out a few clips and phrases from the conversation.

He was distracted from pretending not to listen in by his own phone going off and Barry answered it quickly. "Hello?"

"Code 237 on Waid Boulevard!" Cisco said without preamble.

That one threw him for a loop. "Public indecency?"

"Wait... I think I meant a 239."

"Dog leash violation?" Barry asked, face scrunching up in confusion. If they were going to be doing this on a regular basis, Cisco was going to have to familiarize himself with the radio call-outs, or they'd waste time they didn't have trying to uncross their wires.

Caitlin broke in and interrupted them both, ever the voice of reason. "Bad man with a gun in a getaway car!"

Barry lifted his head toward Eddie, who was still talking with Singh, back to him. There was only a moment's hesitation, not wanting to speed off and risk having Eddie think he'd randomly abandoned him if he turned around to find him gone. This was more important however, and having to fumble an explanation was a small price to pay for getting some maniac off the streets.

Dashing off, it wasn't hard to find who he was looking for, as the sirens were a dead giveaway. It was almost _too_ easy, catching up to the speeding truck, snatching the driver out of the front seat, trussing him up in handcuffs and graciously depositing him in the backseat of the squad car that had been chasing him, much to the officers' surprise.

Barry managed to stop the rampage and get back to Eddie before he'd even finished his phone call. Screeching to a halt behind Eddie, glancing down quickly to make sure none of his clothing was on fire, Barry slapped a _I-wasn't-doing-anything-suspicious_ expression on his face just as Eddie hung up and turned around.

"Sorry about that." Eddie said, putting his phone away and moving back to Barry's side. "There was a mix-up with some paperwork in my report."

"Ah, don't worry about. When duty calls..." Barry felt his stomach rumble, demanding food despite the brevity of his exertion. "So, you wanna grab a bite? I'm feeling a little famished." He wasn't anywhere close to passing out, but he knew if he didn't eat something now, he'd regret it later.

Eddie blinked. "After the Mongolian barbecue you wolfed down _before_ the movie? And the extra large popcorn we shared _during_ the movie?" Eddie flicked his eyes up and down Barry's lithe frame, baffled -and somewhat jealous- by how he managed to keep his figure. "How can you eat that much and not gain any weight?"

Shrugging a shoulder, Barry shoved his hands in his pocket and smiled cheekily. "I've taken up... jogging."

"Ah." He said, as if it explained everything, though he wondered how much jogging he had to do in order to keep so trim. "Well... where were we?"

"We were on our way to get some dessert, while _you_ were going to do the talking for once."

"Was I?" He asked, arching a brow playfully.

Barry freed a hand from his pocket and offered it to Eddie, who gladly took it, lacing their fingers together tightly. "You were. And I was going to listen intently."

"And not just nod and smile while I bore you to death? Lucky me."

They began walking once more, hand in hand, their shoulders bumping occasionally as Eddie started expounding on football stats and the likelihood of the Central City Cougars taking the division title.

True to his word, Barry absorbed every word, thinking it was only fair to pay attention, as Eddie had dutifully listened to his verbal diarrhea without complaint. In doing so, he finally understood why Iris and Eddie were in the same mindset that he was adorable when he spouted off at the mouth. The light in Eddie's eyes, the implacable grin on his face as he talked about point spreads and turnover ratios, the excitement in his rough voice, Barry found himself lost in Eddie's passion for the subject, even though he didn't know what half of it meant.

Spellbound as he was, Barry didn't even realize he'd been led into a little corner bakery until the scent of fresh baked pies and muffins assaulted his senses. Jarred out of his reverie, he peered around the shop, taking in the quaint décor, from the glass display case showing off every cookie and candy known to man, to the folksy wallpaper print, and finally to the antique looking cash register at the checkout counter. He never would have guessed that Eddie -who looked like he probably hadn't had processed sugar in over a decade- knew of a place like this in town, not in a million years, and Barry turned his gaze on him, eyebrows raised.  


Eddie shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly when he saw the look Barry was giving him. "What? You think I don't know how to carbo-load when I want to?" He leaned in conspiratorially. "Don't tell Iris, but the blueberry scones here are _much_ better than the ones at Jitters.  She'd kill me if she ever found out I said that, so... best to keep that between us." Eddie winked at him and clapped a hand on his back.

it was right at that moment that Barry knew he'd fallen for Eddie. It was no longer just a hypothetical concept based on mutual physical attraction and chemistry. It didn't matter that they had very little in common, because there was so much more to the man than just looks. So what that he read sci-fi books and science journals, while Eddie preferred workout magazines and crime novels, or that his idea of a lazy Sunday was scouring the internet for bizarre occurrences around the world, while Eddie enjoyed kicking back to watch the game?

He was sweet and kind-hearted, who had a positive outlook on the world, despite the horrors he saw while serving the city. The same could be said for himself, consistently refusing to let the ugliness of the world bring him down, using his family's tragedy to spur him toward helping others, while enjoying the beautiful things life had to offer him. Getting a glimpse of Eddie's true nature was all it took for Barry to fall head over heels. He was Eddie's.

He was also majorly _screwed_.

 

* * *

 

Eddie pulled his car up to the curb in front of Barry's apartment building and parked, shutting the engine off. He'd offered to give Barry a ride, so he wouldn't have to walk home alone in the dark. Not that he didn't think he couldn't handle himself, it was just the gentlemanly thing to do. And if Barry thought the date was a success and Eddie scored a goodnight kiss, he didn't want it to be on a crowded public sidewalk. Angling around in his seat to look at Barry properly, he cleared his throat. "So... here we are."

Barry glanced out the window at his apartment briefly before turning to Eddie. He'd been feeling rattled and torn since his epiphany at the bakery, and had drowned his worries in several brownies topped off with vanilla ice cream and extra fudge syrup. Eddie's face as he watched him eat, mesmerized by the sheer amount and voracity, had been absolutely priceless, but it hadn't been enough to shake him from his funk.

He wanted Eddie, there was no doubt about it. He wanted to date him and be in a relationship with him and enjoy all the perks being in a relationship provided. Barry wanted to learn about Eddie's quirks, his guilty pleasures, even his pet peeves. If Eddie had been excited just talking about football, Barry wondered what going to a game with him would be like, which made him actually want to go to a game. And he didn't even _like_ football.

There was just one glaring problem. All these things Barry wanted learn and experience, he couldn't guarantee he could do the same for Eddie, bringing him back to that old chestnut of leading Eddie into an uneven, unfair relationship. Sure, he'd been able to run off to stop that car chase without any problem, but Barry would have been stupid to think it'd be that easy every time, or easy to boldface lie to Eddie about what he spent his days doing. If he could just tell Eddie what had happened to him and not worry about him flipping his lid over the revelation, Barry would do it in a heartbeat. There was just the little problem of Joe and Dr. Wells finding out what he'd done. They'd have to fight each other to win the right to kill him first for letting the cat out of the bag, but Barry would end up just as dead either way.

He suddenly had a new appreciation for Oliver and how much of a tight-ass he was in having to precariously balance his public life with his secret identity, as Barry could see himself eventually becoming a similarly neurotic hot mess.

Barry had told himself that one date wouldn't hurt anything, but that was before he'd been blindsided by the true depth of his attraction to Eddie. It changed everything, because, in Barry's limited experience, it usually took some time for feelings that profound to develop. To have them come crashing down on him all at once, it was too much for Barry to deal with. He had to step back and decompress, before figuring out where he was going to go from there.

Rubbing his hands over his thighs nervously, Barry forced himself to smile at Eddie. "Well, I... had fun." He said, sounding unbelievable to his own ears, even though he _had_ had fun, right up until the end.

Face twitching in sudden confusion, Eddie studied Barry closely, reading his body language and mannerisms to clue himself to the sudden change of demeanor. "Yeah, me too." He said somewhat distractedly, trying to piece together a puzzle. They'd gone from a pleasant dinner, cuddling up at the movie and holding hands while they walked around the city to an awkward silence cut by stilted words. Cataloging every micro-expression and his restless shifting in the passenger seat, a light bulb spluttered to life in Eddie's head. Barry wasn't lying to him about having a good time, he was just apprehensive about _how_ good of a time they'd had. They had both made overtures about taking things slow, but they had progressed from casual touches to hand holding in the space of a few hours.

Barry was stomping on the brakes, but was doing a piss-poor job of it, through no fault of his own. Eddie guessed that Barry didn't have a lot of experience in the nuances of dating, so he decided to throw Barry a bone, much as it hurt him to do so. There was nothing he wanted to do more than lean over the center console and kiss Barry's doubts away, but Eddie knew that would do more harm that good at their current juncture. He just had to not take the rebuff personally and slow down to a pace Barry was more comfortable with.

"So I should-"

"It's getting kinda-"

Their laughter at cutting each other off broke some of the tension that had built up in the car and Barry was grateful for it. Laughter tapering off into a chuckle, he motioned with his hand for Eddie to go first.

"It's getting kinda late and we both have work in the morning. You should get inside and get some sleep, and I will see you tomorrow." It was a neutral out for Barry, but still containing a promise that he wasn't giving up on him, and that they would have to talk about it eventually.

Nodding his head at the unspoken subtext, Barry unbuckled his seat belt. "Thank you for the ride, Eddie. And for tonight."

"Any time. Have a good night, Barry."

"You too, Eddie." Barry opened up the door and exited the car, giving Eddie one last wave before shutting the door. Racing up the front walk to the security door, he could feel Eddie's eyes on him and Barry felt like the biggest douche in the world. Nothing like watching your date literally run away to boost your confidence, and Barry hated himself for it.

 

* * *

 

Iris exited the elevators and walked into the precinct with single-minded determination. She had questions that needed answering and there was only one man -well, two men, but one of them was being an reticent goober, so that left the other- who could do that for her. Making her way over to Eddie's desk, she saw that he was on the phone and slowed up, so as not to interrupt him.

"Yes, I'm writing this down. Red streak, at the mall, during the gas attack." That got her attention and she edged closer to eavesdrop. Eddie scratched the tip of his pen against the page of his legal pad, scribbling down the woman's information, even though he knew it would end up in the bogus pile of call logs. Spotting Iris standing a few feet away, he smiled up at her and lifted a finger for her to give him a second. "Yes, I got it. Thank you for calling." Hanging up, Eddie leaned back in his chair and sighed. 

"Never fails," He said as Iris came over, "tip lines bring out the whackos and potheads."

"Did they get a good look at the Streak's face?" She asked, eager for any scrap of information she could get for her blog. Most of her posts came from information from other internet denizens, but something official from the department could really help boost the site's profile and get more people talking about what was going on in the city.

Eddie scoffed in amazement. "Not you, too. I thought this stuff was more Barry's forte than yours."

Iris pursed her lips and gave him a frank look. "Speaking of Barry," She swung her finger between them in indication, "we need to talk."

Feeling the bottom drop out of his stomach, Eddie nodded his head in resignation and stood up to follow Iris out of the bullpen. She led him over to the gold embossed mural on the wall by the elevators, for some semblance of privacy, as the heavy foot traffic would mask their conversation. Folding his arms over his chest, Eddie gave Iris his full attention.

"What's going on?" He asked quietly.

"No, _I_ get to ask that question. What did you do to Barry?"

Eddie blanched and stared down at her in shock. "Why, did something happen to him? Is Barry okay?"

"No, he's not okay, Eddie! Not emotionally, anyway. I know you two went out on a clandestine little date the other day, and since then, he's been all... weird."

Relaxing from the sudden onset panic, Eddie let out a breath. "Yeah, I know, tell me about it. He's barely spoken to me since that night. I mean, it's a little disconcerting, how fast Barry went from setting up our date to giving me the cold shoulder."

Iris lifted her hand in the air expectantly. "Which brings us back to _what did you do_?"

"Nothing!" A few passing officers glanced over to stare at them, and Eddie reined himself in. "Nothing," he hissed quietly, "we went out, we had a _great_ time. We saw a movie, we held hands, Barry... ate what I'm sure was his _entire_ body weight in junk food."

"Oh, you've seen that trick?" Iris asked, remembering Barry cleaning out Jitters the other week like it was his last meal. "Freaky, isn't it?"

"How does he _do_ that? Where does he _put_ it?"

"The only thing I can think of is that it all goes into that big brain of his." Iris waved her hand in the air. "We're getting off topic. You say you had a great time, and yet Barry is still acting like it was a disaster. Why?"

"I think I..." Eddie reached up to scratch at his chin. "pushed him a little too fast. He's only been back a little less a month and maybe it was just too soon for him." He started to beat himself up, cursing his stupidity in kissing Barry in his lab on a whim, when it was obvious to him now that his impetus had backfired on them both. He promised Barry he wouldn't rush him and what had he done? Exactly the opposite. He groaned. "One minute he was fine, and the next," Eddie snapped his fingers, "he could barely look me in the eye. Like he regretted going out with me, but didn't want to hurt my feelings. He just shut down on me. It was strange..."

Iris arched a delicate brow and snorted. "Barry has been acting strange ever since he woke up. It's like he's the same old Barry he was before, but at the same time... I don't know how to explain it, exactly. You try to talk to him about what's going on with him and he says everything is fine, but you get the sense that he's throwing up walls around himself."

"He was like that before, though. The night we met-"

"I know, you two got your flirt on before he turned tail and ran, Barry told me all about it. He was always like that, over-analyzing everything he does, trying so see things from every angle, in case it blows up in his face, but it was never so... _pronounced_. But it kinda makes sense, y'know? People don't just get struck by lightning and wake up from a coma without having a few of their marbles shaken up in the process. And Barry was already extra special before the lightning." She sighed, wishing she had the answers to Barry's problems. "Whatever he's dealing with, it's obviously taking a toll on him and I guess it's why he's been so distant lately. And all you or I can really do is just be there for him when he decides he's ready to talk."

Eddie nodded in agreement, though he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "Great. So if I get the _it's-not-you-it's-me_ speech from him, it will actually be true for once." He thought if he backed off a little, Barry would come around, but so far, that hadn't happened. They'd fallen right back to dancing around each other, and if Barry ever did come around, there was a good chance he'd decide that it was better to not get involved in a relationship when he was still trying to figure out where he stood after missing out on damn near a year of his life. "I just wanted this to be real..." He said, sighing, thinking once again that he couldn't hit the pause button and miss out on his own life while waiting for Barry to make a decision.

"Whoa, where's _that_ coming from?" Iris frowned as Eddie seemed to crumple in on himself and she reached out to rub his arm consolingly. "I didn't say anything about Barry not wanting to be with you. He really likes you... like, _a lot_. When we do get a chance to talk, he always finds a way to bring the conversation back to you. And the _way_ he talks about you... If that doesn't make it real, then I don't know what does." She squeezed his bicep consolingly. "I just meant... it's not that he doesn't want to be with you. You just have to be more patient than you already have been and let him get a handle of himself."

She grinned at him, trying to lighten the mood and released her grip on him to playfully slap his arm. "Hard, I know. If I had to wait a year to tap that, I'd be frustrated, too. Just..." Her grin morphed into a moue of contemplation. "Don't let him stew too long. Get in his face, let him know that you want to be with him, once he pulls his head out of his ass, and make him see that the only person who knows what's best for you is you, and what's best is you being with him, even if he is a hot mess. In my experience, I have found that you have to be firm with him, take the direct approach to knock some sense into him. God love him, but for someone so smart, that boy is an idiot sometimes."

Her teasing brought a tiny smile to Eddie's face. It'd be foolish not to take the advice of someone who knew Barry better than he probably knew himself. The idea of taking a more proactive stance with Barry and his hedging made him feel a little better about the whole situation. Eddie's mind raced back to their kiss, how nervous Barry had been, right up until their lips had touched, and how vigorously he'd responded once he'd let go of whatever was holding him back. "So, be patient, but also firm and direct... I can do that. I can make it work." _If Barry will let me_ , he thought. "Thank you, Iris." He said sincerely.

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?" Iris said, watching Eddie as a weight seemed to lift off his shoulders, his confidence restored and she suddenly saw him in a whole new light. She had called it weeks ago, when she'd been teasing Barry about Eddie. Eddie totally loved him, even if he didn't know yet that it was love he was feeling, and Iris had to savagely force down the squee of excitement that was threatening to erupt from her.

On a whim, Iris pulled Eddie into a bear hug, overwhelmed by the idea that Barry might have found someone who truly deserved him. She felt him hesitate for a moment, before he circled his arms around her and patted her back softly. Cheek pressed to his chest, not caring if she smudged makeup all over his tie, Iris hugged Eddie for all that he was worth.

When she drew back, she stared up at him with a smile on her face that could rival the sun. "Good luck, Eddie." She pumped her fists in the air, to let him know she was rooting for him.

They parted ways after that and Eddie walked back to his desk, glad that there had been someone to talk to about the soap opera drama that was his love life. He'd spent so long internalizing his feelings, to keep Barry's secret safe, he hadn't realized he just needed someone to vent with, to get his mind cleared and back on focus.

It was great that Barry had a loyal friend like Iris in his life, to watch his back for him, and Eddie was happy knowing he had her friendship, too. After he'd blown her off numerous times before Barry had woken up, he thought he'd lost her companionship forever. He was glad that it wasn't the case and he still had Iris on his side.

 

* * *

 

Barry walked into Joe's hospital room to find Iris and Eddie sitting at his bedside, Iris holding her father's hand as they talked in the hushed tones people unconsciously adopted in hospitals. He had known before rushing out of the Iron Heights that Joe would be okay, but it didn't stop the relief that flooded through him, or the silent thank you he sent to Caitlin for her antidote. Joe looked over at him when he came in, drawing Iris' attention and a frown marred her face.

"There you are! I've been blowing your phone up trying to find you! Where have you been?"

"I know, I got all your messages, but your phone is off when I tried calling back, so..." Barry was actually proud of that particular cover up, as it was mostly true. Changing out of his speed suit and into his clothes after handing Nimbus over to Dr. Wells, he'd discovered several angry texts and voicemails from Iris, telling him her dad had been taken to the emergency room.

Iris could have kicked herself. "Right... phones off in the hospital. Makes it kinda hard to take calls. Duh. Sorry." The whole time she'd been angrily formulating the perfect way to rip Barry a new one for being unavailable _again_ , it hadn't occurred to her as she shut her phone off walking into the hospital that Barry might try getting a hold of her, to no avail.

"It's okay," He said, glancing at Eddie briefly as he walked over to stand on the other side of the bed, hand going to Joe's shoulder, "If it'll make you feel better, I'll still let you chew me out later." When Iris gave him a patronizing stare, Barry's lips ticked up in a grin. "C'mon, you  _know_ you want to."

Iris scoffed at him, even though he was right, and shook her head ruefully. Barry looked from her to Joe, the grin dropping from his face. "So what'd the doctors say?"

Joe gripped Barry's forearm tightly, thanking him without words for saving his life. "I'm fine. They want to keep me overnight but I should be able to go home tomorrow."

"Go home to _rest_ , they said, not go home to change so you can go right back to work." Iris chided, pointing a finger at her dad. "Don't think that Barry and I can't take you in your weakened state if you try to leave the house. You are officially on lock-down, mister."

When Joe glanced up at him to see if he was going along with Iris' plan for house arrest, Barry shrugged and shook his head. "I don't argue with the warden, and neither should you."

Iris smiled primly and lifted her nose in the air. "Ha. And Singh makes three. He told me that you could take a few days to recuperate and I graciously accepted on your behalf." She turned to look at Eddie for support, so her dad had no choice but to concede to the inevitable.

Eddie just sat there with a deer in the headlights look on his face, not knowing what to say. He didn't want to be seen betraying his partner by siding with the 'enemy', but he didn't want to contradict the captain either. "Uh. I'm sure I can handle things if you decide to take it easy for a while, Joe."

Joe hummed in disbelief and leered at Eddie like he'd just signed his death warrant. "Fine," He sighed in concession, turning his head on the pillow to peer over at Iris. "I am at your mercy." It had been a long time since he'd last taken any vacation time and he supposed he deserved a little R&R, what with being poisoned and all.

"Good." Standing up, Iris leaned in to kiss her dad's cheek. "I'm opening Jitters in the morning, so I'm gonna go. Call me when they release you and I'll take you home, okay?"

"Sure thing, sweetie." Joe said, giving her an ungainly one-armed hug, so as not to tangle her up in the wires he was trussed up in. When they parted, Iris grabbed her purse and jacket from under her chair, and Eddie stood up, smoothing down his tie.

"Have a good night, Joe. Feel better." Eddie said, waiting for Iris to get her things together.

Barry gave Iris and Eddie a confused look. "Did you two... come together?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. When the call from the prison came in, I stopped to pick up Iris."

"Which I am extremely grateful for. I don't think I could have driven myself here without causing an accident." Eddie had reassured her on the ride over that her father was alive and well, but it didn't allay the fear she'd grown up with, that one day, she'd end up getting called into the hospital in a similar situation and he wouldn't be alive. She slapped a brave smile on her face, to keep herself from crying again, like she had when they'd first walked in to her dad's room, and looked to Barry. "Will you come by tomorrow, in case he tries to escape and we have to strong-arm him?"

"You do realize I'm _right_ here and I can hear everything you're saying?" Joe interjected, waving a hand to show them that he wasn't invisible.

Chuckling, Barry scratched at the hair at the nape of his neck sheepishly, gaze bouncing from Joe to Iris. "Yeah, yeah, sure, I can be there."

Iris slung the strap of her purse over her shoulder and smiled at Barry. "I'm gonna hold you to that. Goodnight, you two."

"Yeah, goodnight, Iris." His eyes found Eddie's again and they shared a somewhat awkward glance, both of them well aware that they still needed to have that talk about their failed date. "'Night, Eddie." He said, right back to feeling like a total ass.

"See you, Barry." Eddie said amicably, sensing his discomfort. He wanted to say something else to let Barry know that it was okay, but he stuck to Iris' advice and chose to be patient, until they had a better opportunity to talk.

After the room cleared out, Barry walked around Joe's bed to take the chair Iris had vacated and he sat down heavily, wishing the lightning had given him the power to travel back in time and fix things with Eddie. Wishing wouldn't do him any good, however, and he just had to resign himself to fixing things the best he could with what he had. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he clasped his hands in front of him and flicked his gaze up to Joe, who was staring back at him with calm anticipation. Steeling his nerve, Barry sucked in a breath. "Joe, there's something I need to tell you. And it... it might change the way you think about me. Even more than telling you I was a genetically altered meta human did."

Joe nodded, shifting to push himself up on the bed without pulling out any of the needles jabbed into him and gave Barry his full attention. "Nimbus. Is he... did you?"

He shook his head emphatically. "No, I didn't kill him. He's alive and Dr. Wells is working on making sure he'll be secure inside the accelerator pipeline."

Joe let out a sigh of relief. After Danton Black, he didn't want another death weighing on Barry's mind, especially one he'd directly caused himself. That was a burden he never wanted Barry to have to live with. "Good, that's good. But if it's not that..."

Licking his lips, Barry worked out the words in his head for umpteenth time, wanting to get them just right, so that maybe, just maybe, Joe wouldn't disown him. "I... After you took me in and life slowly got back to normal, I spent so long trying to do everything I could to make a good impression, to repay your kindness by doing something meaningful with my life, because anything I did would be a reflection of how you raised me. With people already thinking I was off my rocker because of my dad, I didn't want them to think that you screwed me up even worse."

"Okay..." Joe said, worry building up inside him at Barry's hesitant tone.

"I don't want you to hate me for keeping this from you for so long, but..." Barry cleared his throat, but it came out more like an hysterical wheeze. "Uhm. I wanted to tell you that I'm not exactly what you'd call... straight."

Of all the reactions Barry thought he'd get from his confession, laughter wasn't one of them. He stared at Joe like he'd gone bonkers, the plastic frame of the hospital bed shaking underneath him as he laughed his head off. Barry didn't know how to take that and it must have shown on his face.

Joe shook his hand in the air as the laughter turned to coughing, still sore from the poisoning, and he managed to get control of himself before he hacked up a lung. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, Barry, I just thought you were gonna tell me something I _didn't_ already know." He let out a weak chuckle. "You had me worried there for a second."

"Wait, so you... You're... How did-"

"Barry," Joe said, saving him from having to struggle to find the words to speak, "I'm a detective, remember? Even if I wasn't, any parent with working eyes and common sense knows these things about their kids. And since sitting you down for the sex talk was awkward for the both of us, and you never really warmed up to the idea of talking with me about afterward, I figured you'd come out to me in time, once you were comfortable enough in your own skin to do so." He offered his hand to Barry, who took it without hesitation and they held on to each other firmly. "I just didn't think it'd take you _this_ long to do it. If I'd have known better, if I would have brought it up ages ago, just so you wouldn't have to keep hiding it from me."

Barry cast his eyes downward. "I'm sorry, Joe, I didn't mean to lie-"

" _Stop_." Joe squeezed his hand, tugging on it until Barry was looking at him once more. "In our line of work, we've both seen firsthand how badly things like this can go for other people. I will _never_ hold it against you, not telling me, because I understand _why_ you did it. For years, you believed with all your heart your dad was innocent, and I wasn't exactly supportive of that, so I know I didn't set a good example in being more accepting. But I have always been proud of you, son, and nothing you could do will ever change that."

Swiping his free hand over his cheeks to brush away the tears that began sliding down his cheeks, Barry ducked his head, not wanting Joe to see him cry. This had gone over better than any way he ever could have expected and he just needed to get the emotional outburst out of his system.

Joe gave him all the time he needed to get himself together, silently watching Barry as he sniffled loudly, rubbing at his nose and face, his shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. It took some time for the tears to subside, but Joe never let go of him, squeezing his hand gently from time to time to let Barry know he was there to support him, no matter what.

When he was done, Barry settled back in his chair, cheeks reddened and puffy and he exhaled loudly, feeling drained but happy. Joe tapped his thumb against the back of his hand a moment before he released his grip and once his hand was free, Barry immediately used the cuff of his sweater to wipe his face clean.

Joe had to resist the urge to scold Barry for wiping his nose on his sleeve, something he'd been doing since he was a kid, but it wouldn't do him any good. Fourteen years and it was still going in one ear and out the other. "So what brought about this sudden need to confess." He had an inkling as to why, but he wanted to hear it from Barry.

"Oh, I uh, I met someone. A _guy_." It galled Barry, to have to lie to Joe about Eddie, after all that, but it just wasn't the right time. "It's nothing serious yet, but I think it could be. Iris found out about it, though and she told me that I had better tell you before I got in too deep."

"Hmm. Smart girl. Someone must have raised her right." Joe said, with no small amount of pride in his voice, though he didn't miss the humor that Iris had discovered one of Barry's secrets and had managed to keep a level head about it. It made him wonder if she'd react just as maturely if she ever did find out about Barry's _other_ secret.

Barry cracked a smile. "You raised us _both_ right, Joe. And I'll never be able to thank you enough for that."

Joe wagged a finger at him. "That's another thing about parents. They don't need to be thanked. Seeing their children happy is thanks enough."

"Then how about I tell you that you were right."

"About what?" He asked.

"About my dad. I could have broken him out of Iron Heights."

"I know." It would have been the perfect opportunity, in all the commotion, and Joe was glad that clearer heads had prevailed.

"But you were right. It's not the way."

Joe managed to smile at him, even if it broke his heart knowing that Henry was stuck rotting in a cell and Barry had to keep going strong, in spite of it. He'd already gone through more tough times than anyone twice his age ever had, and though he now finally had the ability to right the numerous wrongs that had been done to his father, he was stuck doing nothing, all because it was the right thing to do. He could talk a good game, but Barry always did the right thing in the end, and Joe loved him for it, broken heart and all.

They fell into a companionable silence and Barry stretched his arms out as his mouth opened in a wide yawn, the motion drawing Joe out of his thoughts. After saving him at the prison, chasing down Nimbus and his emotional outpouring, Joe knew he had to be completely worn out.

"You should get some sleep."

Barry shook his head as he rubbed at his eyes. "I don't wanna leave you here all by yourself."

"So stay. You shouldn't be running home tired anyway. You'll end up crashing into something, like Wile E. Coyote." He clapped his hands together, making an explosion noise with his mouth.

Barry gave him a mock laugh. "Ha ha. Just remember that the reason I'm so tired is because I was saving _you_. Which is exhausting work, by the way."

Joe chuckled softly. "Right now, I really miss having the ability to ground you."

Leaning back in his chair to get more comfortable, Barry rested his cheek on his closed fist, eyes already starting to droop. "Sorry I went and grew up." He mumbled, lips ticking up in the ghost of a smile, before the events of the day dragged him under.

Joe had almost forgotten how young and innocent Barry looked when he was asleep. He laid back in his bed, a wistful smile on his face as he watched Barry sleep, something he hadn't done in a very long time, and he planned to enjoy every minute of it that he got.

 

* * *

 

Floating back to consciousness, Barry opened his eyes slowly, the world a blurry haze. It took several seconds for his eyes to focus and when they did, he found himself in the dark, the lights having been dimmed at some point while he'd slept. Pushing himself out of the chair, he got to his feet and stretched his limbs, the muscles in his back tight from having been in one position for so long. Glancing at his watch, Barry saw he'd gotten a good hour and a half or so of sleep, and if he wanted to get anymore before work the next day, he needed to get home.

Joe was dead to the world, the machines he was hooked up to beeping softly underneath the sound of him breathing. His vitals looked good and most of the color had come back to his face, so Barry didn't feel guilty about his decision to pack it in for the night.

Scribbling a quick note out on the pad of hospital stationary placed on Joe's bedside table, Barry gave him a last once-over before heading out.

He was halfway down the hall to the elevators when Barry saw Eddie walking toward him from the opposite direction. Swallowing down the sudden lump of apprehension that had grown in his throat, Barry nodded his head at him. Things were still weird between them, mostly because Barry hadn't known how to approach Eddie to explain himself without looking like an idiot. Or rather, _more_ of an idiot.

"Eddie, what are you still doing here?" He asked, stopping in front of him.

"I've _been_ here, actually. I had nothing else going on tonight and I figured Joe would want some company. After I dropped Iris off, I went to the station to grab some paperwork, to keep me busy while I sat with him. I was just grabbing a bite to eat in the cafeteria before I came up." He could have grabbed something cheaper from the Big Belly Burger down the road from the hospital, but the idea of consuming all that grease, only to sit on his ass for a few hours didn't appeal to him, so he'd gone for the somewhat more healthier options the hospital provided.

"Oh. Well, he's out, so unless you wanna do paperwork for the next several hours, you should probably go home and get some sleep instead. Singh may have given him a reprieve, but he'll still expect us to show our faces at the station tomorrow."

Barry had a point, but Eddie felt weird leaving his partner all alone in a hospital, asleep or not. He knew firsthand how boring they were, time somehow seeming to move _backward_ , and he didn't want Joe to suffer without anyone to entertain him if he woke up. You could only sleep so much in a hospital, and being bored was a relatively small price to pay for showing Joe some solidarity.

"It's fine, Barry, it's no big deal. I can always drink a ton of coffee to stay awake tomorrow, if I have to." He'd have to make a few runs to Jitters, as Barry had been right about the coffee made at the station. You drank it at your own risk. Eddie put his hands on his hips, fingers grabbing the belt loops to readjust his pants, a sincere smile spreading on his face. "I just... need to be here for my partner."

There was a beat of silence between them, Barry absorbing what Eddie had said, and remembering what Caitlin had said to him when they had spoken earlier. Something coalesced in his mind and in an act of brave stupidity, he opened his mouth.

"Eddie-"

"Barry-"

They both let out little laughs at trying to speak at the same time, smiling at each other as they both got the eerie sense of déjà vu. Eddie motioned to Barry with his hand. "I'm sorry, go ahead." The last time this had happen, Barry had let him go first, so he decided to return the favor.

Barry cleared his throat, rubbing at his chin with a shy expression on his face. "I know our date kinda ended... badly? But do you, uh, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

The bottom dropped out of Eddie's stomach and he stood there gaping at Barry with wide eyes, dumbfounded.

"I mean, call a mulligan and do our date over again, but more official like this time? Not _officially_ officially, since no one knows about us, except for Iris, and she's been sworn to secrecy. I did tell Joe earlier that I liked guys _and_ girls, to sort of pave the way for eventually telling him we're a thing, but that was it. Though I guess it would have been smart to tell him while he was in a hospital, in case he had a heart attack, or better for you, if he tried to kill you, but I didn't want to unload everything on him all at once-"

Eddie took a step forward, lifting a finger to place it over Barry's lips and shush him. He dutifully pursed his lips together and peered into Eddie's eyes questioningly.

He dropped his finger and Eddie placed a hand on Barry's shoulder, gripping it gently. "I would love nothing more than to be your boyfriend, Barry, but... I gotta ask. The other night, and over the last few days, I had gotten the impression that you didn't want to see me in that capacity again. So what changed between then and now?"

"Ha, yeah... about that. You remember Caitlin, right?" Eddie nodded and Barry realized it was a pointless question. Eddie had spent all that time at S.T.A.R. Labs and had gotten to know her and Cisco, which had led to Cisco's tirade about creepers and skin-suits. "You know her fiancé died in the accelerator accident?"

Eddie breathed in through his nose and nodded, remembering that her fiancé had been on the list of the dead. "Ronnie, right? She never said anything to me about it, but Cisco told me. Caitlin was still grieving while she was taking care of you, and she was sometimes... irritable, to put it nicely. He didn't want me or Iris thinking she was being rude, so he filled us in."

"Yes, okay, so. When I set up the date, I did it because I didn't want to _not_ do it, and end up thinking about what could have been if I had." Barry held up his hand, tipping his index finger to the side. "Going around that for _just_ a second before I bring it back to the point, the subject of Ronnie got brought up today and Caitlin was having a hard time dealing. I went to talk to her, y'know, to lend her an ear, and she told me about Ronnie and how he... basically got her to come out of her shell and actually _live_ her life. That she let her guard down around him and ended up with a fiancé because of it. And it occurred to me that if Caitlin was fearless enough to let someone who was her complete opposite into her life, and be changed for the better because of it, then I could be that fearless, too. So this is me, being fearless and running _to_ you, not _away_ from you."

The smile on Eddie's face stretched ear to ear. He thought his heart might bust right out of his chest, going from being convinced Barry was going to nix the idea of them being together to sheer giddiness at the idea that he wanted a second chance. He let out a shaky breath, not wanting to seem like a kid who'd just been given the keys to the candy store. "Well, when you put it like that," He said evenly, "how can I say no?"

Barry huffed sharply, unable to believe that his bravado had paid off. Running a hand through his hair, Barry decided to keep going with the flow, while he still had the nerve to do so. He slowly closed the distance between them and Eddie, catching on to what was about to happen, leaned in, their lips meeting softly. The kiss was brief, yet filled with a promise of many more to come.

When they broke apart, Eddie let out a pleased hum before opening his eyes, wanting to savor the moment. Barry was gorgeous, even in the crap hospital lightening and Eddie knew he'd never forget how he looked, how his _boyfriend_ looked, in that moment in time. A wry grin spread across his face. "Don't think this lets you off the hook for our date. You may have set the bar pretty low the last time, but the next one... you owe me big time and I expect to be thoroughly swept off my feet."

Barry let out a laugh, the sound splitting the silence of the hallway and he had to stop himself before a nurse came along to yell at them. He dragged his teeth over his lower lip and shrugged. "I should go. Work tomorrow, remember?"

Eddie tipped his head to the side and made a sweeping motion with his hand. "Go on, go home and get some sleep. I'll see you at work. We've got that date to plan, after all."

"Right. Feet, sweep them out from under you. Consider it done."

They kissed one last time, saying goodbye and Barry moved around Eddie to walk toward the elevators. He was almost there when he stopped and spun around on his heel. "Hey, Eddie?"

Pausing mid-step on his way to Joe's room, Eddie turned to look at him from down the hallway. "Yeah?"

"What were you going to say? Earlier, before we cut each other off."

"Oh... that. Iris and I had a conversation about you and what I should do with you. I was going to make this big speech about how I'd be happy to be with you, even if you had the idea in your head that I'd be better off without you. And then I was going to remind you that no one is perfect and no matter what you're going through right now, I still wanted you, flaws and all. The phrase _better to have loved and lost_ might have come up somewhere in there as well."

Flushing a brilliant shade of pink, Barry glanced away sheepishly, smiling to himself. To have Eddie accept him as-is made his heart flutter wildly against his ribcage. He'd spent the last few days thinking of every worst-case scenario that could arise if they started dating for real, and Eddie had blown those musings away with just a few honest words. He licked his lips and glanced down the hallway at Eddie with hooded eyes. "Goodnight, Eddie."

"'Night, Bar."

 

* * *

 

The next day, before making his way to the house to welcome Joe home, Barry stopped by Iron Heights to visit his father. He sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair in the visitor's room, mindlessly counting the bricks that made up the wall on the other side of the glass partition to calm his racing thoughts. When his dad finally appeared a few moments later, Barry grinned at him nervously and picked up the phone, gripping the base a little too tightly.

Henry saw it was Barry and smiled at him, sitting down and picking up the phone on his side. "Hey, slugger. How's Joe doing?" The last he'd seen of Joe before being taken back to his cell by one of the C.O.'s had been of him prone on the ground, gasping for each lungful of air after the man in the mask had run off. Henry had spent the whole night worrying, waiting for some word of what had happened to him.

"He's doing great, actually," _Thank you again_ , _Caitlin_ , "they released him this afternoon and the doctors say he should make a full recovery."

"That's great." Henry said, relieved, not wanting Barry to lose two fathers. The two of them may have had their differences, and it stung his pride that Joe had been there for Barry when he couldn't, but when he saw the man Barry had become because of Joe, Henry couldn't help but think of him in any other way than his son's surrogate father. "You'll have to give him my regards."

"Yeah, definitely..." Barry tapped his thumb against the table and Henry could clearly see something was weighing on his mind, but he didn't know how to go about bringing it up.

"You know, I was worried when Joe came to see me, that something had happened to you. The last time he was here was tell me about your accident." God, how it had tormented him that the powers that be wouldn't let him go see Barry when he was in his coma, and when he'd seen Joe the previous night, his heart clench painfully in fearful anticipation of more bad news, complications, a relapse, or worse. "You look fine, so I'm guessing there is something going on with you..." He trailed off, leaving an opening for Barry so he could pick up the thread of the conversation in his own time.

"I met someone, dad. And I think... I think it's the real deal." Barry unconsciously wrapped his fingers around the phone cord, reverting back to his younger days when there was still a landline in the house and his dad would call him collect from the prison. Barry would stretch himself out on the couch, twirling the spiral cord around while telling him about school or homework.

A fond expression crossed Henry's face, remembering how he'd felt when he'd first met Nora and how he just knew deep inside that she was going to be the woman he married. "Oh, yeah?" He asked, wanting to hear all about it. It wasn't every day your son told you he'd found _the one_.

"Yeah. I wasn't looking for it or anything, but it found me anyway. And I can't even begin to tell you how amazing he is." Barry dropped the pronoun like a grenade and waited for the explosion.

Henry raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh..." When Barry didn't elaborate, he moved his hand in a circle, indicating him to continue. "So... where did you two meet?"

Barry's jaw hit the floor comically. The complete and utter lack of reaction on his dad's part had Barry seriously reconsidering every neuroses he'd developed once he discovered his tastes ran far and wide. First Iris, then Joe, and now his father. No one seemed surprised or bothered with the revelation of his sexuality, and he wondered if he'd done _that_ poor of a job trying to hide it.

He just shook his head, flummoxed. "That's a... long story, dad."

"Look around you, slugger. I've got nothing _but_ time. So you'd better begin at the beginning."

Barry grinned and laughed, heart swelling in his chest at the acceptance shining in his dad's eyes, the happiness he felt like a balm on his soul. "Well... it was actually the night of my accident..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I have been fascinated by cordyceps -the fungi Barry is referring to in the episode- after seeing them on the _Planet Earth_ documentary Discovery did a few years back. I _relished_ the opportunity to write and expand upon them here.
> 
> P.P.S. I apologize for the delay in getting this posted. As you can see, this one was a beast and went through several re-writes before I was satisfied with it. As always, feel free to point out errors and misspellings, as I'm sure I missed quite a few!


	7. Long Way From Home

"I'm not at liberty to discuss ongoing police investigations with you." Barry said, hedging around the subject of the Streak. Iris was currently attempting to wheedle information from him for her blog and he was attempting to avoid the subject, as it was like talking about himself in the _fourth_ person. He had thought her showing up at the station with coffees for Joe and him had been a kind gesture, out of the goodness of her heart, but apparently, it had been nothing more than a caffeine laden bribe to get on his good side.

"Since _when_ , Mr. Blabbermouth?" Iris asked, a sneering smile on her face, remembering quite well the numerous occasions in which Barry couldn't shut up when it came to showing off his vast quantities of nerd knowledge on shoe print tread depths or determining if a murderer was right or left handed, based solely on blood splatter patterns. Or, as was the case weeks ago, explaining a stem cell sample to her that had been taken off a dead body. She had a hard time believing he suddenly couldn't let her take even a little peek at a case jacket.

Barry steered himself around her and continued on down the hallway toward his lab, with Iris in tow behind him. "Some friendly advice, from someone who has been investigating the weird and impossible for years... blogging about the Streak will only have the crazies knocking down your door." He was well-versed in the insanity that was online conspiracy boards and if Iris threw herself into the deep end without knowing the dangers, she could end up regretting getting involved in her endeavor.

Iris gave him a look that said she wasn't stupid. "You _know_ my blog is anonymous, right?"

She said it like anonymity magically solved everything, and Barry marveled at just how precious and naïve she was. "Be that as it may, it won't protect you forever, and you never know what kind of nutjobs are out there trolling around the internet." If someone cared enough to hunt her down, anonymity wouldn't be enough to keep her safe.

"I can vouch for that." Someone called out and Barry knew before he even rounded the corner who the voice belonged to. Clapping eyes on Felicity, he walked into the lab, absolutely floored to see her there and a wide smile stretched across his face.

Felicity gazed back at him with a smile of her own. "The internet is filled with nutjobs," She told Iris, whom she assumed Barry was trying valiantly to talk down from doing something foolish. "And nerd rage. _Lots_ of nerd rage."

Barry gaped at her, and Felicity, seeing that he wasn't going to remember his manners while in a state of shock, turned to Iris. She offered out her hand so she could do the introductions for him. "Hi, I'm Felicity Smoak."

Shaking her hand, Iris twigged to the name, remembering Barry saying something about a Felicity, though from the way Barry had described her, she hadn’t expected her to be a knockout blonde with impeccable fashion taste. "Iris West." She replied, genuinely happy to meet her, though the drama radar in her head was going off loudly.

"Barry Allen." Barry said, his eyes widening comically when they both turned to look at him like he'd blown a fuse. "But... you two already knew that. Uhm, Felicity is the-"

"Girl you met in Starling City. You two worked on one of Barry's unexplainable cases."

"Which, long story short, turned out to be totally... _explainable_." It wasn't an explanation that would make sense to anyone who wasn't in the know about Slade Wilson and mirakuru, but it still technically fell under the definition of explainable. Felicity sensed that a change of subject was definitely needed and she took a step back, pointing up to the skylight.

"So... this is where the lightning came in?" She already knew the answer, having hacked into the station’s servers to read the report about his accident after it had happened, but it got them off the subject of the circumstances under which they’d met.

Barry's response was a noncommittal puff of air and he nodded his head, motioning with the hand holding his cup of extortionist coffee. He had no idea what Felicity knew about his accident, beyond what had been in the news and he didn't want to ask her if Oliver had mentioned anything to her about his _condition_ in front of Iris. There was a brief moment of silence between the three of them, no one sure how to break it.

"Well," Iris started, not wanting to be a third wheel in their little reunion, "You two have some catching up to do, and I have to get to work sometime soon- _ish_. So I will let you get to it. Felicity, it was great meeting you."

"You, too." Felicity said, offering her a wave and a bright, friendly smile.

Iris patted Barry's arm as she turned to go, and was almost out the door before she snapped her fingers and spun back around. "Real quick... you don't mind if I borrow Barry for just a second before I leave, do you?"

"By all means." Felicity hadn't finished poking around Barry's lab and she knew she could find something entertaining to keep herself from eavesdropping on their conversation. She meandered over to the centrifuge while Iris tugged Barry bodily out into the hallway.

Hissing in pain at the manhandling, Barry pulled his arm out of Iris' grip and rubbed at the muscle. "Aah, what was that for?" He asked, keeping his voice low, as they were in Felicity's line of sight and probably still within earshot.

"Dude! Please tell me that you two have spoken since you woke up." She demanded of him, making sure to keep a smile plastered to her face, in case Felicity happened to glance their way.

"Uh... _no_? I haven't seen or spoken to her since I came back that night from Starling. Why?"

"Ugh," Iris groaned, eyes turning upward as she wondered -not for the first time in her life- how it was possible that men had managed to rule the world for so long, when they were completely and utterly hopeless at seeing what was right in front of their faces. "How can someone so smart be so stupid?"

Blanching at that, Barry furrowed his brow, confused as to what he'd done to end up in this conversation. "Why am I stupid?" He asked petulantly.

"Barry, I want you to look at Felicity. I mean _really_ look at her." Grabbing his arm again, Iris turned him around so he was staring right at her. Even Iris could admit Felicity was beautiful, dressed to the nines in a stylish peach colored dress that flattered her figure and shapely legs. If her sexuality were the swinging pendulum that Barry's was, she'd definitely be into that.

Doing as Iris told him to, with no small amount of grumbling, Barry's eyes landed on Felicity. After giving her a healthy once over, he couldn't figure out what it was that she wanted him to see. He shrugged and glanced back at Iris. " _What_?"

"Seriously?" She threw her hands in the air. "Beautiful women like that don't just hop on trains and travel hundreds of miles on a _whim_ to see someone they don't like. You said it yourself, Barry, you guys had chemistry when you first met, but she was hung up on someone else. And now, after all this time, here she is, looking amazing, and you're gonna tell me that she's not available and  _doesn't_ think you're available, too?"

Barry's face fell as it dawned on him that Iris, who knew more about women than he did, was most likely right. "Ooh..."

Iris rolled her eyes. "Yeah, _ooh_."

Rounding on Iris, feeling himself start to panic as he thought about all the potentially disastrous scenarios, Barry wrapped his hands around her wrists and locked eyes with her. "What should I do? I thought she was interested in someone else, so I didn't think I was on deck... what do I do? Do I come right out and say it? Should I go for the subtle approach? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to seem like a dick about it. What if she's not here for that and I end up making things even worse by trying to do the right thing?"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down and _breathe_." She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, and Barry followed her lead, until his heart stopped racing in his chest. "It's going to be fine, Barry. You can do this."

"Okay, okay. I'll, uh, I'll take her out, show her around the city, we'll do the catching up thing and then... tell her I'm off the market. Somehow."

Iris nodded, shifting Barry's hold on her wrists until they were holding hands, and she gave them a squeeze. "You’ll find a way. Without breaking her heart, I hope." She made a face. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah, thanks. Something tells me I'm gonna need it."

Letting Iris go, they said goodbye and Barry headed back into the lab, hoping he didn’t end up screwing things up with Felicity too badly. They had gotten along so well before and he didn't want to lose her friendship because of a misunderstanding. She looked over at him when he came in, greeting him with another wide grin, and he knew that would never be able to forgive himself if he was responsible for that smile falling from her face.

"Hey, do you wanna... get outta here?" He asked, trying to act casual as he leaned against the edge of the worktable.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

He shrugged, face scrunching up as he thought about it. "Uhm, walking. Talking. Maybe eating. Not necessarily in that exact order."

Felicity laughed, mirth in her eyes as she watched Barry try to play the smooth operator. He wasn't completely bad at it, just painfully obvious in his attempt. She couldn't really knock him for it, as she had no room to talk when it came to awkwardness around the opposite sex. "Sounds good to me. I can definitely walk, and I'm no stranger to talking, obviously. Or eating. Lead the way." She motioned toward the door and together, they walked out. "So... you mind if I ask what was that all about? With Iris?"

"Huh? Oh," Barry shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Just reminding me of something I have to do." He just had to do it without alienating Felicity forever.

 _No pressure_ , he thought, wondering what the universe had against him.

 

* * *

 

Eddie sat across the table from Barry, trying to absorb everything he'd just been told. The noise from the crowd around them made it hard to focus properly and Eddie had to take a few minutes to really process it all. It wasn't every day that your boyfriend told you that the friend they were introducing you to was someone they'd once considered possible dating material.

Iris placed a hand on his forearm, silently offering him support and Eddie turned his head to give her a brief, tight smile. She hated the idea that the first time they were out as a group had to come with such an uncomfortable aspect to it. Her intention had been to find a way to get everything out in the open, so they could all have a good time as friends, not to cause problems for Barry and Eddie.

Licking his lips, he looked back to Barry. "So she's _just_ a friend?"

Barry nodded emphatically. "Exactly."

"A friend who you had feelings for..." Eddie didn't know if it was a good thing, the jealousy creeping up on him. It usually came after being with someone for a while, not after only a few weeks of dating. Then again, he'd been emotionally invested in Barry for _months_ , so when viewed it like that, he felt he was justified in being worried about Felicity's presence in town.

"The operative word in that sentence being _had_." Barry corrected, finger in the air. "As in _no more_. Beyond the normal friendship feelings you're supposed to have for friends, of course. We talked about it and looking down that road, we realized that her and I being a thing wasn’t going to happen, now or in the future. All we are is just really good friends. Felicity's not here to steal me away or anything. She just... she recently got out of a relationship and needed a friendly ear. And since the ear she was thinking of happened to be on someone she hadn't seen in months, she came to visit. Two birds, one stone, y'know?"

"Ah..." Eddie murmured, not entirely convinced. Considering that he himself had put on the pretense that he no longer harbored feelings for Barry, when it looked like he'd never regain consciousness, Eddie had a hard time believing that a person could simply shut something like that off completely. Even if Barry was being honest with him about her, their friendship would always be built on the fact that they had once shared a mutual attraction with each other.

Iris cleared her throat and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear with a finger, using the action to surreptitiously give Barry a pointed look, telling him with her eyes at he needed to do more to drive his point home.

Getting the hint, Barry gave her a tiny nod and slid his hand over the surface of the table toward Eddie, palm up, “Hey… I chose _you_ , Eddie. If I'd wanted Felicity, I would have gone to Starling to see her after I woke up." In hindsight, he was actually glad the idea of doing so hadn’t crossed his mind. After Felicity had filled him during their heart-to-heart on everything that had gone on between her and Oliver, Barry had the inkling that if he'd shown up to declare his love for her, Oliver would have more than likely shot him full of arrows.

"But I didn't. And it wasn’t because you beat her to the punch, or because I thought I owed you something, but because I…" Barry paused, not sure he could put into words what Eddie meant to him. He thought back to the night of their fateful meeting in the dark alley behind S.T.A.R. Labs and the unexplainable surge of electricity that had arced between them. When he’d peered into those beautiful blue eyes and saw in them the amazing person Eddie was, before they’d even been properly introduced, Barry knew Eddie was something special, someone who needed to be in his life, in any way possible. He'd also unfortunately dragged things out between them, trying to figure out if he could successfully maintain a relationship _and_ a secret life, but Eddie didn't need to be reminded of that, so Barry went with simple truth.

“I want to be with you.” He finished, voice catching slightly.

The sensation of his stomach fluttering was an odd one, but it didn't stop the grin slowly spreading across his face, and Eddie took the proffered hand, slotting their fingers together. The sincerity and raw emotion in the reassurance that he'd been Barry's first choice quelled the jealousy that had been tinting his vision green since he first heard Felicity’s name. He'd never before been the kind of person who was suspicious of the intentions of his partner's friends, but something about Barry apparently brought out his possessive side.

"So I have nothing to worry about? You're all mine?" He asked, shifting their joined hands to massage the inside of Barry’s palm with his thumb.

Flashing him a coy grin, Barry lifted a brow lasciviously. "All yours. No ifs, ands, or buts."

Iris made a gagging face as the two of them mooned over each other and pressed a hand to her cheek, as though in pain. "You guys are seriously giving me cavities, stop it. You can't be all lovey-dovey while I'm right here, rockin’ it single style. It’s not fair."

Eddie gave Barry’s hand a squeeze before they let go of one another and he slung an arm around Iris' shoulders. "Okay, we're done. I promise from here on out, we'll keep it PG for you. At least while we're here." He winked lewdly at Barry, who turned an interesting shade of crimson and looked away. "After that, though, you're on your own."

Iris snorted derisively. "Gee, _thanks_. I can really feel the love." Eddie pulled her in for a sideways hug and she giggled, pressing a hand to his chest to push him away, which only made Eddie latch on harder.

Barry laughed at their antics as they horsed around playfully, and he found himself glad that his best friend and his boyfriend were on such good terms. With all the time they'd spent together watching him in his coma, they had developed an amazing rapport, which was great. Nothing was worse than hating the guts of the person your friend was dating, only to pretend otherwise to their face. Iris had dated a few guys Barry couldn't stand and Barry was happy to see the reverse wasn't true when it came to her and Eddie.

The smile dropped from his face slightly when he started thinking about how that could work against him, if his and Eddie's relationship ever hit the rocks. Iris was fiercely loyal to her friends and family, and if Barry ever screwed up -which was more than likely, secret life and all- she would definitely side with Eddie. It would be like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, and Barry would crash and burn against the wall of Iris' wrath. The thought alone sent an ominous shiver down his spine.

"I hate to be the one to interrupt the shenanigans..." All eyes turned to Felicity as she approached the empty chair at their table and she took on the appearance of a deer in the headlights when she became the immediate center of attention. Felicity giggled nervously and waved at them. "Hello."

"Felicity, wow..." Iris said, Eddie's arm dropping from around her and she sat back in her seat to give Felicity an appreciative glance. She had changed her outfit, and was now wearing a white sundress with a blue floral print, her hair let down out of the ubiquitous ponytail, her long locks flowing over her shoulders in gentle waves. "You look amazing!"

"Thank you, Iris." Felicity replied, taking the compliment with a pleased grin. She hung her purse on the back of the chair and peered around at the crowd packed into Jitters as she took her seat. "I feel ridiculously overdressed for trivia night, but thank you." She exchanged smiles with Iris, and then turned to Eddie. "And you must be the boyfriend, Eddie." Felicity stuck out her hand and they traded grips. "Who is _way_ more gorgeous than I pictured in my head." When they let go of each other, she turned to Barry. "Cue the envy. He doesn't have a single twin brother, does he?" Felicity whipped her head around. "Do you?"

Eddie laughed, feeling the tension inside him break at that. "Not one that I know about, but stranger things have happened." He felt his chest puff up in pride at having a woman as beautiful as Felicity compliment him. It made him feel good, not just for the compliment itself, but for what it implied, that she was jealous not of him, but of Barry. It did wonders for his ego and worked to appease his fears.

"Isn't that the truth," She said, thinking of all the strangeness in her life and that she probably didn't need any more of it, which likely wasn't going to happen any time soon. She was a veritable magnet for strange, for better or for worse. Her eye landed on the placard on the table and she chuckled, glancing up at Barry. "E=MC Hammer. Funny!"

Barry nodded smugly at Eddie and Iris, who had poked fun at him earlier for choosing the name for their team. "See? At least _someone_ here understands my sparkling wit and humor." He said pretentiously.

"How could you _not_ find that funny?" Felicity asked. "It's Einstein's formula for kinetic energy and..." She glanced over at Barry, and as one, they sang, " _Can't touch this_!"

"That's great, Barry," Eddie said flatly and he tilted sideways in his chair to stage-whisper to Iris. "There's two of them now." Barry leered at him for the crack on their geeking out, and all Eddie could do was give him a placating smile in return.

Iris patted Eddie's arm gently, having become accustomed over the years to just how nerdy and ridiculous Barry could be when he put his mind to it. "It's okay. Just think about all the coffee we're going to win because of them, and go with it."

Felicity clapped her hands together at the mention of the prize, excited about all the espresso highs she'd enjoy once they'd won it. " _Yum!_ "

 

 *~*~*

 

Barry stared down at the tablet in his hand, mind racing to place the names to the faces on the screen. He knew the stories behind the names, the great leaps they'd all taken in science and mathematics, but putting those names to the black and white portraits while on the clock was no easy task. He was glad Wells had been adamant that he partake in all the high pressure training, to sharpen his speed and focus. "Three is Pasteur." He said, looking to Felicity for confirmation before he tapped on anything.

Biting the nail of her index finger, she shook her head and used her other hand to swipe along the screen. "Three is Erdel and _four_ is Pasteur. Five is..." There was a beat, and at the same time they said, "Descartes!"

"Are they even speaking English?" Eddie asked Iris, feeling woefully inadequate as Barry and Felicity kept completing each other's sentences, rattling off facts he was certain he'd never learned in high school, let alone in college. Thanks to them, they were spanking the competition, but if it weren't for Barry's assurances earlier that Felicity was no longer in the picture romantically, Eddie knew he'd be steaming at just how well the two of them got along.

The MC announced that their team had won the points for that round and Barry and Felicity high-fived in celebration of their victory as the crowd around them cheered loudly.

"I knew you two would make a great team!" Iris said over the noise, clapping along with everyone else. She felt the look Eddie gave her more than she saw it and her applause slowed before stopping. They had all loosened up and relaxed around each other after the contest had started, but she knew better than anyone that somewhere deep down inside Eddie, he was hating himself for not being as smart as Felicity. 

Iris had grown up watching Barry bring home report cards with straight A's and trophy after trophy he'd won in every science fair he participated in, and though her father had never once compared them academically, there were times she wasn't above indulging in a little bitterness at the idea that her best friend was a certified genius. She felt for Eddie, she truly did, having been where he was, and she decided a tactical maneuver was needed, to remind Barry that brains didn't trump compassion. Iris didn't blame Barry one bit for the gifts he was born with, but when he got on a roll, everything else fell by the wayside. It was just who he was, and both her and Eddie were aware of it, but sometimes Barry needed a good whack on the head to bring him back to his good senses.

She held out her hand for the tablet, wanting to have it before the next round started, and Barry pushed it across the surface of the table. Iris took it, spun it around and placed it in front of Eddie, giving him an encouraging smile. "You've got this in the bag." She told him. Settling back in her chair, Iris saw the sheepish expression on Barry's face and Iris tilted her head to the side, arching a brow at him. _Served him right_ , she thought. "So, Felicity," Iris piped up, looking over at her, "what do you do in Starling?"

"I work in computer sciences at Queen Consolidated." She answered, though how much longer the company would stay Queen Consolidated remained to be seen, given the current state of corporate affairs.

Iris' eyes lit up at the image of Oliver Queen that immediately popped up in her mind. "That's gotta be pretty exciting." She said, her imagination running wild. Even if Felicity only got to see him in passing, it still ranked above serving cappuccinos all day. A paycheck was a paycheck, but there was only one Oliver Queen.

Felicity managed a tight smile and drummed her nails on the tabletop. "Oh, it's... afforded me some _interesting_ opportunities." She flicked her gaze over to Barry, who was busy watching Iris melt in her chair, but thankfully, before they could get into the specifics of her job, the music started up again as the next round was announced.

Iris shook away her thoughts and put her hands on Eddie's shoulder as he peered down at the tablet, waiting for the question to appear. Eddie let out a breath as Felicity and Barry leaned in to watch him, and he knew that if he could chase down bad guys for a living, he could handle a simple piece of trivia.

Barry reached over to cover his hand in a show of solidarity, in effort to make up for his poor display with Felicity. "You can do this, Eddie."

"Definitely," Felicity added, "they've been pretty consistent with alternating back and forth between easy questions and hard ones, so this should be a piece of cake." Barry craned his head around to give her a wide-eyed, disbelieving stare. " _Or_... or it could be a hard one, and you'd still get it, because you're not an idiot or anything." She corrected with a grimace.

Snorting at her, Eddie had the strange notion that the two of them would be better suited for a foot in mouth contest. "Nice save." He said, lips turning up in a wry smile. The question suddenly appeared and his heart sank when he saw it was about _Star Wars_. Of course an entertainment question would revolve around a genre he wasn't all that familiar with. Feeling the pressure, Eddie made a split second decision and tapped on an answer. The buzzer going off told him that he'd been wrong and Eddie shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I thought I knew the answer and I just went with it." The lost points wouldn't hurt their lead too much, but after building him up to get the win, he hated that his gross lack of knowledge had let them down. It was awful, feeling dumb and he began to wonder why someone as smart as Barry had chosen him over someone like Felicity.

"Maybe the other team won't get it right either." Iris offered, trying to cheer Eddie up when she saw the expression on his face.

Felicity laughed. "Yeah, I'm fairly certain a team called Pride and Padawans _knows_ the name of Han Solo's ship." Barry kicked her foot under the table and a wounded expression crossed her face. It hadn't hurt that much, as it was more of a tap than anything else, but she was wearing open toed heels, and offered no real protection against his sneakers.

Before Barry could open his mouth to apologize for Felicity, Eddie's phone buzzed and he picked it up to look at the message. His whole demeanor shifted, going from embarrassed to impassive, and he looked to Barry. "They've spotted Snart. I have to go." He stood up, yanking his jacket off the back of his chair. "Bye, you guys. Felicity, it was nice meeting you." He said curtly, though he didn't have time to figure out if it was from needing to put his mind on capturing Snart or from the jealousy he'd thought he'd been able to suppress.

Felicity smiled tightly at him, and then exchanged glances with Barry, who had gotten to his feet as well, ready to race off as soon as the coast was clear. In the meantime, he came around the table and stopped in front of Eddie. Reaching up to fix the lapels of his jacket once he'd put it on, Barry pulled him in for a kiss. "Be safe." He murmured against his lips.

Eddie nodded resolutely. _This_ was something he could do that she couldn't, catching criminals, and he was already mentally adding a slot for Snart's name on his arrest scorecard. "I'll see you later." Stealing one last kiss, Eddie put his game face on, pocketed his phone and hurried out the back door of Jitters to get to his car.

Watching him leave, Barry waited until Iris had turned her back on them for a moment before he could make his escape as well, Felicity hot on his heels, rattling off excuses she could make for him. He crossed his fingers that she would find something that wouldn't make Iris suspicious about he and Eddie leaving at the same time.

"How about really bad diarrhea?" She offered helpfully, wanting to make up for whatever it was she had done to elicit such a reaction from Eddie.

 _Screw that_ , he said to himself. He'd rather Iris be suspicious of him and the string of lies surrounding his secret identity, because anything was better than _that_. "Leaving now!" He shouted before running off, leaving Felicity behind to roll her eyes.

 

* * *

 

After Barry sped away from Felicity's train, he headed back into the city and came to a stop at the door to Eddie's apartment, hoping that the sound of him blasting into the building didn't disturb him or his neighbors. Listening for a moment, he was greeted with silence and he breathed out a sigh of relief. The walls here must have been better at dampening sound than the ones at his own apartment and he found himself momentarily jealous. Squaring his shoulders, Barry cleared his throat and knocked on the door. After a moment, he heard fumbling on the other side of the door and it opened up, revealing Eddie in nothing more than a t-shirt and boxer briefs. It was a struggle to keep his gaze at a respectable level.

"Hey," Eddie said, peeking his head out to glance up and down the hallway before turning his eyes back on him, giving Barry a once over to make sure he wasn't hurt, "what are you doing here?"

"I, uh... It's been a rough couple of days and I... didn't want to be alone. Then I remembered that one of the many benefits that comes with having a significant other is not having to be alone." Barry wrung his hands together and peeled his lips back in a sheepish smile. "So I was thinking that maybe I would come over and take advantage of that fact."

"Yeah, yeah, come on in." He stepped aside to let Barry in and shut the door behind him. Eddie was more than happy to comfort Barry if he needed it, but he felt it would require a change of wardrobe, and probably a quick clean-up. He went to the wall to turn on the overhead light, revealing the state of his living room. He'd chosen to unwind after work by diving into a six-pack and binging on whatever ESPN was airing. His coffee table was littered with empty beer bottles and he'd left a trail of clothing from the bathroom to the couch. In all the times Barry had been over, Eddie had always made sure to have the place clean, but after Snart and the train derailment, he'd been a bit out of it. He motioned toward the couch. "Make yourself at home, just, uh... give me a minute to go and put some pants on."

Taking in the mess as he shrugged out of his coat, Barry shook his head. "Oh, you don't have to do that. I was going to see you out of that three-piece suit eventually, so..." He held up a hand quickly. "But if you _want_ to, I don't mind! If you'd be more comfortable, that is." With his thoughts muddled and his mood in the toilet, Barry wasn't exactly feeling sexy. The last thing he wanted while literally leaning on Eddie's shoulder was for some wires to get crossed and Eddie to think approval of his state of undress was approval for any hanky-panky.

Eddie gave him a frank look. "Would _you_ be more comfortable?" He'd shed his pants so he'd be comfortable while lounging, but if Barry wanted more than thin cotton acting as a barrier between them, he wouldn't take it personally. Aside from a few hot and heavy make-out sessions, they were still taking it relatively slow, until Barry was ready to take things to the next level, so if his state of undress made him uneasy, Eddie had no problem whatsoever with rectifying the situation. Even if it meant putting his pants back on.

Plopping down on the couch and pushing aside Eddie's discarded waistcoat, Barry peered up at him, making sure his eyes didn't drop below his chest. When he thought about it, though, another benefit of dating was getting to stare unabashedly at the other person's business, so after a second's contemplation, Barry snuck a peek. He felt a little better after doing so and patted the cushion beside him. "Sit down, Eddie."

Pleased that Barry had apparently liked what he'd seen -he couldn't have been more obvious with his efforts if he tried- Eddie did as he was asked and scooted back into the corner of the couch. Barry wasted no time in curling up at his side, throwing an arm over his stomach and burying his face in the crook of Eddie's neck. As one, they wriggled around for a moment, trying to find that perfect cuddling position, Eddie putting his feet up on the coffee table so Barry could hook a knee over his thigh.

Settling down, Barry let out a contended sigh, feeling Eddie's hand come to a rest at his side, rubbing his fingers in soothing, gentle circles. Eddie's other hand moved under the hand he had resting on his stomach and laced their fingers together. Barry could feel the heat bleeding off him and he sank further into it, leeching the warmth greedily.

They sat in a companionable silence, _SportsCenter_ dronedquietly on the television in front of them, though neither of them were really paying it any mind. Eddie was focused on the feeling of Barry in his arms, listening to each soft breath he took, the exhalations ticking his skin through the fabric of his shirt. He leaned his head back and pressed his lips to Barry's forehead. "You want to talk about it?" Eddie asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Not really." Barry mumbled. He couldn't unload his problems on Eddie, telling him how guilty he felt about the security guard he couldn't save, how terrified he'd been that he wouldn't be able to save everyone on that train, or how much it hurt knowing that Cisco had created the cold gun specifically to take him down. He flicked his eyes down toward the uncharacteristic mess Eddie had left in his wake and included the more mundane problems that Felicity's visit had caused between them to the list of woes.

"Do _you_ wanna talk about it?" Barry lifted their joined hands to wave toward the empty bottles and clothing everywhere.

"Not really." Eddie replied with a smirk, even though he knew Barry couldn't see it. He didn't want to complain about the issues he was having with Joe treating him like a rookie on his first day, especially not to his foster son. Eddie had learned to wait until he was at least four months into a relationship before he started bad-mouthing the in-laws. And anything he said about Felicity would probably start a fight, one he didn't feel like engaging in, now that she was gone.

Barry snorted indelicately. "Well, that's settled, then."

"Glad we sorted it out." Eddie said. Silence surrounded them once more, both of them deciding it was better to use each other's presence like a balm for their souls than to talk about it. It was unusual for Barry, though, to be this pensive, something he'd not been since they'd started dating and Eddie wondered what had happened to send his mood spiraling. Felicity couldn't be the problem, as she'd left on somewhat amicable terms with all of them, so that meant something else was up. Asking about it however meant talking about it, and they both clearly wanted none of that.

After some contemplation, he looked down at Barry. "Hey."

When Barry lifted his head up, Eddie kissed him. It was just a quick catch of their lips, but when he pulled away, Barry leaned in closer, whimpering like a puppy until Eddie gave in with a laugh. The second kiss burned slowly between them, a means of providing each other some comfort and solace, not to ignite their passions. He knew his mouth must have tasted like a brewery, but Barry didn't seem to mind it, deepening the kiss until the lingering flavor of barley and hops was all but eradicated, leaving behind only the taste of the man beside him. Eddie let go of Barry's hand and used it cup his cheek tenderly.

When Eddie broke away, Barry opened his eyes, wondering why he'd stopped. "What's wrong?"

Sliding his thumb over Barry's chin, just under his lower lip, still slick and reddened from their kiss, Eddie shook his head. "Nothing. Just... whatever happened, or whatever is going on... it'll be okay."

Blinking at the random vote of confidence, a wry smile spread on Barry's face and he arched a brow. "Oh? You a psychic now?"

"No," He said, thumb tracing the line of Barry's smile, "I just know you. You've overcome a lot since you woke up and if you've managed to do that, then I believe that you are fully capable of taking on whatever else life throws at you." Not many people could have assimilated back into a normal life after missing out on so much after an accident, but Barry had somehow pulled it off, with only a few minor stumbles, and Eddie would have been remiss not to admit to him how highly such a feat spoke to the quality of his character. It made him think that he too could get over the bumps of the last few days, as long as he had Barry with him.

It was one of the sweetest things Barry had ever heard, and hands down, it was definitely one of the most endearing things a _partner_ had ever said to him. A wave of emotion swept over Barry, the intensity of it nearly overwhelming, leaving him almost breathless. He peered into Eddie's clear blue eyes, heart thumping erratically in his chest at the sincerity in his eyes, and the sheer amount of faith he had in him.

"Even after everything that happened with Felicity?" He was still feeling a little guilty about that. He'd tried to be a good friend, but in doing so, he'd made a bad impression as a boyfriend. When he'd spoken with Felicity on the train, she'd apologized to him, for putting him in that position, but Barry had told her that it was a mess of his own making. It was his fault for never explaining to Eddie that he'd met the two of them in the same week, that he'd liked them both and even though he'd chosen Eddie, Felicity would still be a factor in his life, given their similarly unique circumstances. If he'd shown a little foresight, he could have prepared Eddie for Felicity, instead of just throwing her into the mix without warning.

Eddie gave a quick shrug of his shoulders. "You're here now, right? That's all that really matters to me." Barry wasn't with Felicity, who could keep up with him when it came to brains and know-how. Barry was there, on _his_ couch, in _his_ embrace and everything else in the world ran a distant second to that fact. There wasn't any need to be jealous, not when he had what he wanted in his arms.

Swallowing thickly, Barry leaned in, capturing Eddie's mouth in another kiss, one full of fire and intent. He shifted on the couch, never once breaking the lip lock as he moved closer to him, pushing his feet on the cushions to drape himself like a cat on Eddie's lap.

Eddie, who had been surprised by the abruptness of the kiss, quickly adapted to change of pace and cradled Barry gently in his arms. A hand slid down Barry's side, fingers wriggling under the hem of his shirt to get at the heated skin beneath. His words must have struck a chord with Barry, who was normally a bit more hesitant with being physically affectionate, but Eddie wasn't going to complain about the effect they'd had. He was fine with letting him take the lead when it came to intimacy, since it had been a while since Barry's last serious relationship. Even when they factored in chunk of time the coma had stolen from him, it had still been -as Barry put it- an embarrassingly long time, so when the mood struck him, Eddie had learned to just go with the flow.

At that moment, going with the flow meant unabashedly palming every inch of skin up and down the length of Barry's spine, a task he was more than glad to perform. He thought that if he played his cards right, they might add heavy-petting to their repertoire of physical activities and Eddie tested the waters by skirting his hand around to Barry's chest. Fingertips finding the circumference of a nipple, Eddie toyed with it until Barry was shivering under his touch.

Moaning quietly against his lips as Eddie pawed at him, Barry clutched his face, desire pooling low in his groin. Nails raking through the stubble on Eddie's jaw with a quiet rasp, their tongues entwined in desperate battle for dominance, Barry refused to give him an inch. As much as he wanted to just submit, to finally let this beautiful man claim him for his own, he couldn't deny how wonderful it felt to make him work it, to fight for his prize. Eddie pinched his nipple between his fingers and Barry gasped in pleasure, body shaking in his yearning for Eddie.

Then he realized he actually _was_ shaking, limbs vibrating as though he were running at top speed. Surprised and shocked at what was happening to him, he jerked himself away from Eddie so fast, he tumbled right off the couch. Colliding with the coffee table before he hit the floor, a beer bottle rolled over the edge and cracked him square on the forehead. Barry let out a pitiful groan of pain and tried to sit up.

"Jesus, Barry! Are you okay?" Eddie asked, scrambling off the couch to grab Barry's arms and pull him up. He had no clue what he'd done to elicit _that_ kind of reaction from him, and didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. "What happened?" He asked, checking to see if he'd bruised or broken anything.

Once he was steady on his feet, he looked down at himself. "I don't know, I-" Barry couldn't even come up with a viable excuse, having _no_ idea what had caused him to start vibrating, but he knew without a doubt that it had started once they'd moved to second base. His chest still tingled from where Eddie had been teasing him and Barry had to fight to keep his hands under control. "I gotta go." He was too riled up and he needed to figure out what was going on, before Eddie saw what he could do, which required him making a hasty exit.

He spun around and beat feet toward the door, leaving Eddie looking dumbfounded. "What? I don't understand..." He followed after Barry, scratching at his head in confusion. "Did I _do_ something?"

"No, no, believe me, _you_ did nothing wrong." Barry said over his shoulder, rearranging his shirt and sweater to look more presentable, though no one would see his state of disarray when he was running a couple hundred miles an hour.

"But I-"

"Eddie, I'm sorry, please, just... don't take this the wrong way, but I have to leave." Reaching the door, he opened it and stopped before walking out, turning toward Eddie. "I'm sorry," He repeated, feeling horrible and scared and still slightly aroused, and he cast Eddie a shamefaced gaze, "Call me tomorrow, okay? I know how this looks, but please? Call me?"

Eddie threw his hands in the air, lost as to why Barry was acting the way he was, but he sure as hell couldn't keep Barry force him to stay at least long enough to explain what had happened. Grabbing the door, Eddie held it open, bracing his weight on it as he peered into Barry's eyes, which were full of remorse for what he was doing. He didn't want to just chalk it up to another one of Barry's quirks and accept it as a normal occurrence, as it was most assuredly _not_ normal, but Barry wasn't giving him any other options as to how to categorize it, if it wasn't something he'd done to spook him. "I... Are you _sure_ I didn't-"

"No, you didn't!" He exclaimed, needing Eddie to understand that he was not the problem here. "You were _great_! I think that is kinda the problem. But! The thing you did with your hand?" Barry blew out a huff of air and waved in the general vicinity of his chest, "It was... remember that for next time, because... yeah. Nipples, big turn on for me." He felt himself start to vibrate once more and he tamped down hard on his desires to get it to stop. "Bye!"

"Barry, I-"

He cut him off by planting a kiss on Eddie's lips, and then left as fast as he could, shutting the door behind him. Shoulders slumping, Eddie leaned forward, forehead hitting the door with a quiet _thunk_.

"Shit." He whispered to himself, no clue as to what he was going to do with Barry. He was hot, then he was cold. He was forthcoming and affectionate, then he shut down harder than a steel trap. He wanted him to call him, and by what he'd said, there was going to be a next time for them, but how could there be a next time when they'd barely had a first time?

It was as though there were two Barrys. Eddie loved the Barry that he'd fallen for, the one who'd kept him at his bedside for more long, lonely nights than he cared to admit, who was too adorable to let slip through his fingers once he'd woken up, and even after a short amount of time in dating brought out the protective streak in him, but the Barry that was as skittish as a nervous park squirrel had him seriously reconsidering whether a relationship was worth the unceasing amount of bizarreness that came with it.

Eddie lifted his head off the door, staring blankly at it as he backtracked through his current train of thought to the word his mind had unconsciously picked. _Loved_.

" _Shit_..." In a daze, he moved away from the door and shuffled toward the bathroom. He needed to think, about what the word meant and how it applied to their relationship versus the current quandary they were in. More importantly though, he needed a shower.

An extremely cold shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who saw this chapter after I accidentally posted in while it was still in the process of writing it, I do apologize. In a true blonde moment, I mixed up "edit chapter" with "post chapter", and had to race to get everything saved before taking it down. Sorry about the confusion and I'll try to be less blonde next time.
> 
> Also, how about that last episode? I am both anxious and excited about what's to come next, and what it could mean for this series...


	8. Don't Let Me Down (Slowly)

_Eddie let out a frustrated breath. “As much as I appreciate you finally telling me the truth… it doesn’t change anything.”_

_Mouth falling open, his eyes going wide, Barry cocked his head in confusion. “What do you mean? That’s what this has all been about! And you’re gonna stand there and tell me that it means nothing?”_

_“Yes, Barry, I am. Because even after explaining the..." Eddie paused, trying to recall all the technical terms Barry had blurted out, "side effects of your accident, you’re still not being honest about yourself with Joe, which means I’m not being honest with Joe. I can’t be, because I want to protect you. But protecting you means having to lie to the man whose hands I put my life into every day. It's not right and I don't know how much longer I can be complicit in this.”_

_“But you… you said you respected my decision to not come out at work.”_

_"I do, Barry! That is your choice to make, not mine and I would never force you into that situation. But I don’t respect your decision to lie Joe about us. He deserves better than that, from both of us."  
_

_Aghast, Barry spluttered in shock. "... If Joe finds out, he'll kill us." He said, pleading with Eddie to understand the position they were in._

_Eddie shook his head and pointed at Barry menacingly."You should be less concerned about Joe and more concerned with yourself, because right now, you're the one killing us." Angry and confused as he was from their fight, he knew he needed to walk away before he said something else, something that he'd end up regretting. Pushing past Barry, Eddie made a beeline toward the door._

_Tears welling up in his eyes, Barry just stood there speechless, watching Eddie as he stormed out of the lab.  
_

 

* * *

 

Taking the tray of drinks from the bartender, Barry carefully wended his way around the obstacle course of patrons standing between him and the safety of their table. Sliding the tray onto the table once he'd successfully navigated his way back, he glanced down at the array of shots in front of him, before glancing up at Cisco and Caitlin. "Guys, we have a problem."

"Duh, that's what all the alcohol is for, so we can temporarily forget those problems." Cisco grabbed a shot glass and placed it in front of him, patiently waiting for Caitlin and Barry to take theirs, so they could do a round.

"No, I'm not talking about _that_..." He'd been so down in the dumps after his fight with Eddie that Cisco and Caitlin had insisted on taking him out, to try and cheer him up, but two beers in, he'd noticed something was wrong. At their questioning looks, Barry did a quick check to make sure no one was paying attention to them before downing all the shots on the tray as fast as he could. They continued to stare at him, only this time like he was nuts and Barry groaned in frustration.

"I can't feel _anything_."

Cisco snorted and smirked at him sarcastically. "Yeah, that's generally what happens when you drink too much." Caitlin took a drink of her rum and coke to hide her grin and she shared a knowing look with Cisco.

" _No_ ," Barry replied emphatically, "the alcohol is not effecting me. I _literally_ feel nothing."

Suddenly extremely interested in the new aspect of his abilities he was displaying, Caitlin's eyes widened with glee and she set her glass down on the table. "It's your hyper-metabolism!" She said, with more excitement in her voice than Barry was comfortable with. "I need a sample!"

"I'll get some more shots." Cisco offered, scooting his chair back to stand up and Barry wasn't sure whose intentions he needed to be more afraid of at that moment, Caitlin for wanting his blood or Cisco for wanting to put his liver to the test. He may not have been able to get drunk but his liver still had to process the alcohol.

Rooting around in her purse, Caitlin swore under her breath. "I could have _sworn_ I had a vacutainer in here..."

 _Caitlin_ , Barry thought to himself, _I definitely need to be more afraid of Caitlin_. "You keep a blood sample kit in your purse?" He asked incredulously.

"Uh, guys? We have a problem."

"It's okay, Cisco, just start a tab for us." Caitlin said distractedly, still searching through her purse for her supplies.

"No, I'm not talking about _that_."

Barry turned to find that Cisco hadn't even made it three steps from his chair, stuck in place as he stared across the bar. Tilting his head to the side to follow his gaze, Barry peered through the crowd and froze when he saw Eddie and Iris by the front door. "Oh, crap." His heart started pounding in his chest, his throat going dry. He had seen Eddie around the station since their fight, but they barely spoken a word to one another, even when working a crime scene, and Barry dreaded every awkward encounter. There was no way bumping into each other in public would be any less mortifying.

"This is not good."

"Do you think we could duck out before they see us?" Caitlin asked, peeking around Cisco's shoulder, ready to grab her purse and make a mad dash out of the bar if needed. She saw Cisco shake his head, dark hair moving back and forth with the motion.

"Too late..."

The pressure of someone staring at him prickled on his skin and Eddie did a subtle scan of the bar, as though he were trying to spot a place for them to sit while Iris shrugged out of her coat. When his eyes met Barry's, standing at a table in the back, Eddie sucked in a breath through his nose. Not breaking the gaze, Eddie reached out and tapped Iris' elbow. "You planned this, didn't you?"

Iris arched a brow in confusion. "Planned what?"

"Barry's here. He's over there with Cisco and Caitlin." He pointed toward them and together they watched as Barry panicked, turning his back on them as if they wouldn't be able to see him if he weren't facing them.

Adopting the most innocent expression she could, Iris shook her head. "Oh! Wow, that's funny... Barry said he was going out for a drink but he didn't say where. I had the idea that if he needed to unwind, then you probably would, too." Spying two empty seats at the bar, she headed over toward them, and Eddie followed after her. "I just didn't think he'd come _here_."

When they reached the bar, Eddie pulled out Iris' chair and she smiled at him, tossing her coat over the back before sitting down airily, like nothing was wrong. Grabbing the back of the chair beside her, Eddie spun it around, not only so he could talk to Iris face-to-face, but because it put Barry's table in his line of sight. "You _do_ remember that the whole reason Barry and I are fighting is because of trust issues, right?"

"Ugh,  _f_ _ine,_ I knew he was coming here. And I deliberately misled you into coming out tonight, in the hopes that you two might finally _talk_. You're both miserable and mooning over each other like teenage girls, but you're also playing relationship chicken, waiting for the other to break down first and I..." Iris deflated. "I thought I'd be helping, if I got you two to talk like the mature adults you're supposed to be."

Appreciating her open honesty, Eddie clapped a hand on Iris' shoulder. "It's okay, I'm not mad." She gave him a narrow-eyed gaze, not believing him for a second and he laughed. "I'm _not_ mad. A little upset, maybe, but I'm sure I'll get over it after you buy the first round." He couldn't really blame her for trying. She was friends with the both of them and only wanted to see them happy, even if it took manipulation to get them into the same room together.

"Done." Iris said and caught the attention of one of the bartenders, so she could order them a pitcher. Placing her arms on the bar, resting her weight on her elbows, she peered into the crowd, seeing if there was anyone who looked cute and available, but no one immediately popped out. Sighing at the idea of going home alone, Iris glanced over at Eddie and saw that he only had eyes for Barry, laser focused on him, to keep tabs on what he was doing. If only she had someone who looked at her the way Eddie was looking at Barry, with such naked longing. Alas, she was stuck playing the third wheel and that meant fixing the two wheels she was attached to.

When Iris cleared her throat, Eddie immediately brought his gaze front and center. "So did you know about Barry's..." He waved his hand in the air, not knowing how to even begin describing it, as it had been hard enough digesting it when Barry explained it to him.

"No," Iris replied, giving her head a shake, "but the doctors at the hospital told us that there was a possibility that there could be irreparable damage to his brain, if he ever woke up. I guess we were all just so happy to have him back that we didn't notice he was acting weird... well, weirder than usual for Barry." She almost hadn't believed Eddie when he'd texted her after their fight, but she'd confirmed everything with Barry and was just as surprised as Eddie was about the true toll the lightning strike had had on him.

"But it's not necessarily a _bad_ thing. You read all the time about people who have major accidents who come back speaking languages they'd never spoken before, or could miraculously play instruments they'd never learned. It's not any worse than that. Especially when you think of the alternative..." When there was a time they'd all been worried Barry would end up a vegetable, waking up with a few new quirks was definitely the best outcome possible, as long as it meant he was _awake_.

"That's not what's really bothering me, though." Eddie said, eyes flickering over to Barry once more. "It's the fact that he didn't trust me enough to tell me in the first place."

Iris put her hand over Eddie's, bringing his attention back to her. "I'm not taking his side, because he didn't tell me about it either, I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but... he probably didn't want to worry any of us with it. Knowing him, he thought he could deal with it on his own. You saw how eager he was to start work again and get back to his old life. If he thought telling us would hinder that, if he thought we'd try stop him and get him help, of course he'd keep it to himself. He just wanted to be normal again."

Eddie couldn't deny that he saw the logic in her words, even if a part of him insisted on staying angry at Barry for keeping him in the dark. It was the part of him that had been scorned upon learning that Barry had outright lied to him about Dr. Wells and Caitlin giving him a clean bill of health after his coma, the part of him that had been hurt when Barry had run out on him without explanation, the part of him that had bared his heart and soul to Barry, only to have the gesture returned with secrets and lies.

The seed of doubt that Iris had planted in his mind however, to see it from Barry's perspective, was taking root. He'd lost nearly a year of his life and woken up to unexpected medical issues, muscle spasms from the nerve damage the lightning had inflicted upon him and stress induced lapses in judgement due to damage to his prefrontal cortex. Eddie had to research the terms after the fight, to truly understand what Barry was going through, and he couldn't deny that it would have been a hard pill to swallow, if it had been him. When he added that to Barry's history with mental health professionals when he'd been young, Eddie could see how he'd want to keep such things to himself.

"Doesn't make it right, though." He grumbled quietly, emotions warring with one another. As much as it explained the odd behavior and as much as he understood that Barry wanted to move on from it, the fact that he'd continued to lie to him about it, refusing to let him in even a little, it made him wonder how they could ever recover. Especially since after coming clean, he still wanted to lie about their relationship to Joe. The turmoil over all their issues was made inexorably worse, given his ill-timed realization that he was in love with Barry.

The other part of him, the part that loved Barry, wanted to follow Iris' logic, walk up to him and forgive him for lying because of the mitigating circumstances, so they could begin mending their relationship. Or, he could continue to let his anger win, walk out of the bar and keep stewing in said anger for being deliberately misled. At that moment, both options seemed viable, torn as his head and heart were.

Iris saw Eddie's eyes go dark, as though storm clouds had gathered behind them. She had to do damage control, and quickly. "If you're up for it," She started casually, drumming her nails on the counter top, "we can get your mind off things, go play a round of darts. If you want your ass handed to you, that is." There was no better way for a woman to manipulate a man to her will than to issue him a challenge in a physical activity, as men were somehow completely unable to resist proving which gender was the best, even when they weren't misogynistic jerks. Judging by how fast Eddie's eyes cleared and the way his whole posture shifted, she knew she'd been successful.

"I know what you're doing. And not just because you told me all about it." Eddie replied, lips managing to tick up in a wry grin. The dartboard was on the wall by the table Cisco, Caitlin and Barry were seated at, all of them doing their best to pretend they weren't noticing him noticing them. The three of them were more painfully obvious than Iris was, and if the situation weren't so fraught with emotional baggage, Eddie would be laughing at how ridiculous they were.

The bartender came back, placing a pitcher and two mugs in front of them and Iris handed him her credit card. "Well," She said, pouring Eddie a drink, tipping the mug to keep the foam from building up, "If you know what I'm doing, you also know you only have two choices. Go along with my cunning plan or sit here and drink alone. Because either way, I wanna play darts." Iris pushed the mug toward him and began pouring her own. "Which is it gonna be, Pretty Boy?"

Eddie took a drink, using it as a distraction as he weighed the choices in front of him. Barry _had_ told him what had precipitated his hasty exit from his apartment and he _had_ told him what his deal was, difficult as it had been. If they could somehow open up another line of dialogue, since they hadn't spoken to one another since the fight, perhaps Barry could finally be convinced to talk to Joe about the true scope of their relationship, so the air could be cleared between them and neither of them would have to tiptoe around Joe any longer. Assuming they managed to remain a couple after the ultimatum was put out there.

Deciding to go for one last Hail Mary, he set his down the mug, giving Iris a frank look. "There's no way in hell you can kick my ass, West."

Iris beamed at him. "Challenge accepted!" She cheered, grabbing her drink and her things so they could make their way over to the dartboard.

When they passed by Barry's table, Eddie made sure to nod at Cisco and Caitlin, while ignoring Barry altogether. Iris smirked at Barry in self-satisfaction as she walked by him, which earned her a puzzled look. He didn't know it yet, but he was going to owe her big time for doing his dirty work.

 

*~*~*

 

Caitlin sipped at her drink idly through the spindly little straws, watching Eddie and Iris take turns at the dartboard while behind her, Cisco and Barry did more shots. She heard their glasses hit the table, accompanied by breathy groans as the liquor burning down their throats, but she was a little too preoccupied with the display of athleticism going on in front of her to pay much attention to whether or not they'd drunk enough to provide her with a good sample.

There was a tap on her shoulder and Caitlin turned around, lowering her drink to swirl the straw around in her drink, ice cubes tinkling against the glass softly. "Hmm?"

"You're staring a little _too_ intently at my boyfriend." Barry said, surprised at the level of possessiveness in his voice. Eddie, who had changed out of the ubiquitous suit into a brown leather jacket, a plain shirt and a pair of tight jeans that hugged his backside like a glove, was garnering admiring glances from several people in the crowd, women and men alike. Barry wasn't comfortable with Caitlin adding herself into the mix, leering at Eddie like he was a side of beef.

"What? He's hot." Barry gaped at her audacity and Caitlin flushed red with embarrassment. She set her drink down on the table guiltily, deciding she'd had just about enough. " _Genetically_ speaking, I mean! I _am_ a geneticist. God, I sound like Felicity..."

Barry peeked over at Eddie from out of the corner of his eye and he had to admit, Eddie _did_ look pretty hot. He cut a fine figure in his three-piece suits, but there was something undeniably sexy about seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt. It just wasn't fair that he was stuck in the background, gawking along with everyone else, while Iris got to be the one at Eddie's side, making them all jealous. And given all the friendly hugs and high-fives going on between them as they went round after round, Barry knew without a doubt that all the PDA was purely for his benefit, to show him what he was missing out on, all because of what he'd done.

Sighing morosely, he grabbed another shot and downed it, but it had no effect whatsoever, which was a tragedy. A little Dutch courage in his system and he might have run out of the bar, straight to the house and confessed everything to Joe, to prove to Eddie how bound and determined he was to make things right. Unfortunately, his feet stayed firmly rooted to the floor. A loud cheer caught his attention and Barry looked over to see that Eddie had landed a bullseye. The cheer had come from Iris, who lifted her mug to him defeat, not even a little mad that Eddie had wiped the floor with her. Smile on his face, Eddie shifted his head away in chagrin and caught Barry's eye briefly, before looking back to Iris, as though he were stranger who he'd happened to catch staring.

"I can't believe he's over there, acting like nothing's wrong." He said sullenly, mouthing turning down in a pout.

"You mean acting like a jilted lover whose trying to move on? Because that's _totally_ understandable, after you jilted him. You're a jilter, Barry, and this is what you get." Cisco replied, not meaning to pile it on but Barry had no one to blame for his current predicament but himself.

"Jilter's not even a real word, Cisco."

"It is _now_. I'm coining it to describe you." Cisco peered over at Eddie and shook his head. "Poor guy. No one deserves to be left with blue balls, man. It's just not right." He lifted his drink to his lips. "Along with all the lies, too," He added as an afterthought, "it sucks, dude."

He blanched at that. "Since when do _you_ sympathizing with _him_? You once said he was going to wear me as a skin-suit!"

Caitlin groaned in misery, eyes rolling in their sockets. "How are we talking about skin-suits _again_?" She'd thought they were done with that topic of conversation weeks ago, once Barry and Eddie had started getting serious.

Cisco continued on with his diatribe, as though he hadn't heard her. "If there's one thing every guy can sympathize with, it's blue balls. And what you did was cold-blooded."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Cisco." He buried his face in his hands, feeling the urge to find the closest rock and crawl under it, so he could die in peace. It was bad enough that he was well aware of the fact that the fault lay entirely with him, he didn't a harsh reminder from the people who had taken him out to cheer him up slash commiserate with him.

He smiled at Barry cheekily and clapped him on the shoulder. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Barry peeked between his fingers at Caitlin, looking to her for help, but she seemed to be on Cisco's -and by default, Eddie's- side. "I'm sorry, Barry. Even given your little... unexpected problem, running out on him was a bad move. Lying about it was just icing on the cake. Lying about suffering from some sort of 'lightning psychosis,'" She wriggled her fingers around in air quotes, "was the cherry on top of the icing that is on top of the cake."

"I know!" He slapped his hands down on the table. "Believe me, I _know_..." Feeling two feet tall after having all his wrongs lain out before him, Barry hung his head. "I just wish I could have told him about my powers, instead some half-truth, so he wouldn't have to think that I'm off my rocker. Then none of this would be an issue."

Caitlin hissed through her teeth. "Ooh, not a good idea. And not just because he's a cop and you're moonlighting as a vigilante. Joe said he didn't want Iris to know because it could put her in danger. Eddie already puts his life on the line every day and putting him in more danger by telling him your secret probably wouldn't be a good thing."

" _This_ is why I was hesitant about dating Eddie in the first place, this _exact_ reason." He jabbed his index finger against the tabletop. "I either look like a spazz who can't handle any social situation because I'm constantly making up excuses for my behavior and have an upset boyfriend all the time, or I don't have a boyfriend at all and I die miserable and alone." He was really reaching with that last one, but he was falling swiftly down a shame-filled depression spiral and to him, nothing seemed too hyperbolic.

"You could just date someone who already knows." Cisco pointed at Caitlin. "Caitlin's single, and you wouldn't have to hide her from Joe. You should take her out."

Absolutely horrified at the suggestion, Caitlin glared daggers at Cisco, missing the look of sheer terror Barry leveled on him at the same time.

"That's never gonna-"

"She's my _doctor_ , that's just-"

Their heads swiveled around so they could look at each other, their eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"No offense or anything, but-"

"None taken, not at-"

"You're a great guy-"

"And you're an awesome girl! I mean lady, er, _person_ -"

"But no."

"Definitely not."

"Nuh-uh."

Cisco smirked at them, feeling like he'd just watched an epic ping-pong match. When they turned back to him, he held his hands up in defeat. "Okay, sorry. I was just sayin'."

Without warning, Iris materialized at their table, wearing a wide smile and holding a half-empty glass of beer in her hand. "What are you three over here talking about?"

"Nothing!" Caitlin and Cisco cried at the same time, matching expressions of surprise and guilt on their faces, like they'd been caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar.

Iris blinked. "Oh-kay... Barry. I have had one too many and totally tanked that last round. You wanna take over for me?"

He knew that not a single word of that was  true, as he'd been surreptitiously keeping tabs on them after they'd come over from the bar. "You've had half a pitcher..." Barry wasn't a complete idiot and while he appreciated the effort Iris was putting in on his behalf, being forced to talk with Eddie over a round of darts in a crowded bar didn't sound like it would help their situation any. If anything, it would make things worse, what with Iris, Caitlin and Cisco on the sidelines, watching their every move like hawks. If their relationship became a spectator sport, the pressure to come to an amicable agreement for the sake of their friends and not themselves could potentially do more harm than good.

Iris shrugged and did her best impression of a ditzy sorority girl. "What can I say, I'm a lightweight who can't hold her liquor, and I need a big strong man to go defend my honor in the heat of battle. Now, get in there and do me proud!"

She went to push Barry toward Eddie, but he sidestepped her, hand curling around her arm. He walked Iris a few paces away from the table and pulled her in close. "This plan of yours isn't going to work, you know. Clever as you are, you're no mastermind when it comes to plotting devious schemes."

"Pfft! Says you. But I'll have you know, I've been buttering Eddie up all night. Dropping your name here and there, about how mopey you've been without him, plying him with beer, all while taking a dive, so he could win and feel good about himself. At this point, all you have to do is swoop in, flash him your puppy dog smile, apologize like your life depends on it, which it does, because I will castrate you if you ruin this... And once you two are talking again, you can start to fix things up with him."

"That is... actually surprisingly clever." The castration part was more frightening than clever, but he had to hand it to her for being on top of the game. Iris grinned at him, but Barry swiftly cut her off, before she could bask too long in her smugness. "But you know it's not that simple."

"Yes, it _is_ that simple. You _promised_ me, Barry. You promised when this all started that you would tell my dad about you and Eddie, and it's been over a month now. As angry as Eddie is for having to keep up pretenses, just imagine how pissed _I_ am about it. If being with Eddie means as much as you say it does, all you have to do is be a man and bite the bullet."

Barry had been hoping that she had forgotten about his promise. It was why he'd told Joe about his sexuality in the first place, to prepare him for the blow of being informed that he was dating his partner, but it was a step he just couldn't bring himself to take. He'd already dumped so much on Joe and to throw more on him seemed too cruel. He huffed and ducked his head, scratching at his hair. "Yeah, I know, but... You know your dad doesn't like complicated. And dropping _this_ on his lap? Kinda the definition of complicated. Remember what he did to you when he found out you'd applied to the Academy?"

Boy, did she ever. "Yeah, like an overgrown man-child, he refused to talk to me until I withdrew my application." As much as she'd dreamed of following in her father's footsteps and becoming a police officer, she had only been able to live in the same house with him for so long while enduring all the stubborn, heavy silences before cracking. She'd carried around a grudge against him for that for such a along time, especially since he'd had no problem with Barry going into forensics. When she'd accused him of denying her her dream because she was a girl, he'd fired back, saying it wasn't because Barry was a guy, but because working crime scenes and analyzing evidence in a lab meant he wasn't putting himself in the line of fire.

They'd had a serious heart-to-heart after that and he'd confessed that as much as she dreaded the day she'd get the call that he'd been killed on duty, he feared what would happen if he'd lost her the same way. Parents weren't supposed to bury their children and he said he didn't care if she spent the rest of her life hating him, at least she'd still be alive to hate him. There had been lots of tears and hugging afterward, and though it still stung that he'd squashed her dreams, she knew she could never truly hate him for loving her the way he did.

"Exactly. You're his _daughter_ and that's how he treated you. I don't even want to think about what he'd do to me, or Eddie, though I can only imagine it'll involve the woods and a shallow grave."

Growling as her frustration boiled over, Iris smacked the palm of her hand against Barry's forehead. Barry winced and rubbed his fingers over the spot where she'd hit him. "Ah, what was that for?!"

"For being an idiot! My dad treated me like he did because he was scared of my choice in careers. But he knows as well as I do that you can't help who you love! He'd never just cut you out of his life because he doesn't approve of who you're dating. Yeah, you two will most likely get the cold shoulder from him for awhile, but at least you'll still have each other, and _that's_ what counts. But you'll have nothing at all if you don't get your narrow behind over there, apologize to Eddie for being an idiot, kiss ass to get back on his good side and tell him you're gonna explain everything to my dad the first chance you get!"

She made a shooing gesture with her hands and Barry scowled. "But-"

"No buts! Get over there, or I will stage a repeat performance of the first fight you and I ever got into." Iris put her hands on her hips, eyes boring into Barry until he folded under the weight of her gaze.

"I'mgoing, I'm going, jeez!" He moved past her and hissed over his shoulder, "And hair pulling is considered cheating, just so you know." He felt more than he saw Iris' evil smirk as he walked over to Eddie and Barry had to give himself a shake, letting out a breath to prepare himself for their first conversation in days. _I can do this_ , he thought. _If I can tackle a runaway train, I can tackle this. Piece of cake_.

Stopping when he got to the table where Eddie was finishing off the last swallow of beer in his mug, Barry propped his elbow up on the table and smiled at him. He opened his mouth to greet him with some genial platitude, but all that came out was a mess of vowels, followed by a faint gagging sound. Teeth clacking as his jaw snapped shut, Barry just stood there, humiliated and baffled at the new circle of social interaction hell he'd walked into.

Eddie set down the mug and side-eyed Barry warily. "Nice to see you, too." He replied, voice devoid of any emotion. "I take it this is the start of phase three in Iris' plan to get us back together?" Looking over at Iris, he got his answer when he saw her clink glasses conspiratorially with Caitlin.

"Back together?" Barry asked, finding his voice, "You say that like we broke up. Wait... _did_ we break up? Because if we did, I had _no_ idea. I thought it was more of a... _break_. Not a break _up_."

He snorted derisively. "No, we didn't break up, we-" Eddie was cut off by his phone beeping. Palming it in his hand, he peered down at the screen. "There was a bombing at Eighth and Pass." Shoving the phone back in his pocket, he did some quick thinking to figure out how he was going to sober up before going to the bomb site. He was going to need a strong cup of coffee and something to get his adrenaline pumping, to wash the alcohol out of his system. "I gotta go."

He brushed past Barry, who turned to follow him, glancing at Cisco and Caitlin. "Yeah, it's getting kinda late." He said and Caitlin, getting the hint, started to mime a yawn, so they could feasibly explain to Iris why they too were going to leave.

Iris just nodded her head at them distractedly. If there was a bombing, she was sure the Streak was going to show up and she needed to get to the scene without her father or Eddie finding out. "I have an early shift at Jitters anyway, so we'll have to catch up tomorrow." Iris went back to their table to get her coat and purse, already on her phone to call a cab.

While she was distracted, Barry made his exit as quick as he could.

 

* * *

 

Barry was surprised to find Joe perched on his desk when he walked into his lab and for one wild second, he debated the merits of walking right back out before Joe saw him. There was so much going inside his head that Barry just wanted to put off having to talk to Joe and take a moment for himself to compartmentalize it all.

He'd put things off long enough, though and it was high time he manned up about it, like Iris had told him to. Heading over to Joe, Barry tossed his coat over the back of a chair. "Hey, what are you doing here?" Leaning his shoulder against one of the brick pillars, Barry folded his arms over his chest, eyes falling to the box beside Joe.

"Nothing, just thought I'd go through some of the material in your mother's case." Joe patted the top of the box reverently, trying to ignore the creeping sensation of guilt the contents sent through him. It was a knew experience, feeling guilty about a case he'd closed, but knowing what he knew now, he couldn't help it. "What's going on with you?" He asked, needing to focus  his attention on something else.

Barry shrugged nonchalantly. " _Stellar_. I became friends with a human bomb who I promised I would help, and then couldn't. Oh, and I also diagnosed why Iris is so adamant in writing about the Streak. Turns out she's doing it for me, to prove the impossible is possible and vindicate me for all the trouble I went through after my mom's death."

Joe blinked, a line appearing between his eyebrows as he narrowed them in suspicion. The last they had spoken, Barry said Iris had rebuffed his efforts to get her to take down her blog. Now he was suddenly a fount of information as to her motives. "And you know all of this how?"

"The Streak... he might have spoken with her." He said, hoping Joe wouldn't be too mad at him.

"Uh-huh." Joe responded flatly. "And you didn't think that she'd recognize your voice?"

A grin spread across Barry's face and when he spoke, his voice came out distorted. " _No, see, I can do this thing with my vocal chords where I vibrate them, so no one will recognize me_."

Stunned by what he'd heard, Joe leaned back, laughing at just how utterly strange Barry's sounded, like he'd jacked his voice directly into a soundboard. It took a moment to get himself under control, thrown by the just how astounding the depths of Barry's powers were. Eventually, the laughter subsided into chuckles and Joe clapped a hand on his thigh. "Well, you've put that out there now, so..." He knew there would be no keeping Iris from writing about him after seeing him in the flesh. If anything, she'd dive into it with a renewed sense of purpose.

Barry took a step forward, glancing down at his crossed arms as he scuffed at the floor with the toe of his shoe. "You know the only way to get her to stop blogging about this is to tell her the truth." The irony of him advocating for the truth, with everything going on between he and Eddie, it was like a slap in the face.

"You really want to tell her, don't you?" He'd never known Barry to be the type of person to lie about anything, which explained why he was so bad at it, and Joe could see that it was eating him up inside.

"Of course I do. I tell her everything." Barry replied, gathering up his courage. "And I... there's something I need to tell you, too."

"Oh?" He leaned forward slightly, ready to hear what new revelation Barry had for him.

"Yeah." Dropping his arms into a less defensive posture, Barry straightened himself to his full height and looked Joe square in the eye. "It's about Eddie."

"You mean how he's dating Iris behind my back." Joe replied seriously, before collapsing into another fit of laughter a few seconds later. Shoulders shaking, he covered his mouth with a hand, trying to contain himself, but when he looked up at Barry, he only laughed harder. "If you could only see the look on your face right now!" He said, wheezing out the words.

Heart hammering against his rib cage, Barry swallowed thickly, not finding it funny in the slightest. He frowned petulantly, waiting for Joe to stop laughing at him. It took several minutes, as every time it seemed Joe was finally done, he'd crack up all over again. "You knew about us." He said, once Joe was done having his fun.

Joe grinned at him. He'd known for some time, but he couldn't help but have a little fun with it, now that Barry had dug up the courage to tell him. "You must really have a low opinion of my detection skills, if you thought you two were pulling a fast one on me."

Needing to sit down, Barry's butt found a chair and he plopped heavily into it, once more thrown off balance by just how much Joe actually knew about him. He started to wonder how wise it was to keep Iris in the dark, when he was doing such a poor job of doing the same with Joe.

"Were we that obvious?" He asked, going over all their interactions in his head, trying to figure out what they could have done that tipped Joe off.

"It wasn't anything you did, per se. It was more how everything seemed to make sense, once I put two and two together. Eddie visiting you all the time while you were in your coma, even though he didn't know you. You telling me you'd met someone only a few weeks after you'd woken up. The looks you gave each other while working a case. Then I remembered something he'd said to me right after we moved you to S.T.A.R. Labs. I thought it was because he was interested in Iris and I questioned him about it. The _way_ he told me she wasn't his type... it never ceases to amaze me how much people give away when they think they're being sneaky. And that includes you, by the way."

Barry pressed his hands to his cheeks, feeling them heat up in embarrassment. For the second time, all the things he'd been worried about when it came to Eddie had amounted to nothing more than fears he'd built up in his own mind. He peeked up at Joe, who still looked like he'd been told the funniest joke in the world. "So you're not mad?"

"Oh, I'm mad. If Eddie were here right now, we'd be having a _very_ different conversation. But... you're both adults and as much as it complicates things, I can't really stop you from seeing each other. You're like any other kid, if I tried to keep you from him, you'd just want him more."

Barry let out a shaky breath and smiled in relief. "Does that mean you'll promise not to kill him the next time you see him?"

Joe didn't answer. Instead, he returned the smile with one of his own and stood up, grabbing his jacket from where he'd lain in across the desk. Slipping a finger under the loop sewn on inside of the collar, Joe tossed the jacket over his shoulder and headed out of the lab as though he hadn't a care in the world.

"Joe." Barry said, watching him leave. "Joe?"

Joe gave him a wave before disappearing around the corner and Barry panicked. " _Joe_! Please don't kill my boyfriend!"

 

* * *

 

Stepping out of the elevator, Barry tried to keep the elated smirk off his face as he passed by his coworkers. He was still riding the high of having run on water, feeling the wind shear and the spray of water on his face as he ran faster than he ever had before. It had been an amazing sensation, one he wouldn't soon forget. Then he remembered what had precipitated the feat, Bette's death at Eiling's hand, the memory of holding her body in his arms as he ran from the city limits, and it dampened the high. Bette was the first meta who hadn't tried to kill him -on purpose- and he hated the idea that Eiling would get away with her murder.

Smile waning a few degrees as his thoughts turned somber, he crossed the main hall toward the staircase, only to put on the brakes when a familiar crop of blonde hair coming out of the bullpen caught his attention. "Eddie!"

Craning his head around at the sound of his name, Eddie saw Barry coming toward him and he sighed inwardly. He didn't have time for this, not with the explosion in the river, which had the reek of a military cover-up all over it. The police were running clean up with terrified locals, who were flooding the switchboards with calls, despite the general's assurances in the news report that no one had to worry about fallout of any kind from their 'testing'. There had been a dozen or so car accidents, when people out on the roads had been distracted by the flaming mushroom cloud in the sky and had run off the road, or into other cars. EMTs were stretched thin across the city, with many officers pulling double duty to assist them where they could.

"Barry, now's not the-" He was cut off by Barry draping his arms around his neck and sealing their mouth together in an impassioned kiss. Caught by surprise, Eddie's body reacted first, hands falling to his hips to pull Barry in closer, tongue slipping past his lips hungrily. Someone wolf whistled at them and Eddie's brain kicked back into gear, realizing that he was kissing Barry as though he were a man starved and Barry was a three-course meal, all while standing in the middle of the packed station. Then he remembered that they were still fighting, which probably explained why his body seemed eager for the affection, craving Barry's touch after being bereft of it for so long.

Breaking away, Eddie used his hold on Barry to push him back a step and he peered down into those blue eyes, the flecks of hazel devoured by his pupils, blown wide in desire. "What the-"

"I told Joe." Barry blurted out. "He already knew about us, because apparently, we are the _worst_ kept secret ever, but still. I told him." His eyes flicked over to the side. "And now, everyone else knows, too."

Looking around, they saw that while almost everyone continuing on with their business like there weren't two full-grown men making out like teenagers in public, a few people were whispering to each other and brazenly pointing in their direction. Sheepishly, they let go of one another, Eddie fixing his tie as Barry scrubbed a hand through the hair at the nape of his neck. "So, uh, I hope..." He started, before clearing his throat and trying again, "I hope this makes amends for, y'know... the lying and giving you the emotional run around, and for being a jerk and a dick and a bad boyfriend, and did I mention that I'm sorry?"

"A few times. But this is definitely the most inventive way you've done it so far, though." Eddie said, rubbing at his chin. It wasn't an easy thing, going from mad to elated in the space of a few minutes and Eddie had to check himself, before Barry thought he was being brusque on purpose. He licked his lips, still slick from the kiss and he smiled. "But I told you that you didn't have to make a show of it, as long as Joe was aware."

Sticking his hands in his pants pockets, Barry shrugged a shoulder. "I know. But I wanted to show you how serious I was in making things right. And I figured what better way was there to prove it to you once and for all than by taking a scene right out of a chick flick."

"So no more freak outs? At least where we're concerned... intimately?" All he wanted to do was touch Barry, without having to constantly worry that he'd send him into some kind of episode. It wasn't enough that Barry was no longer lying to him, or that Joe knew they were a couple, Eddie wanted to be one hundred percent certain that there was nothing else standing between them being together in every way, emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically.

 _Ah, there's the irony again_ , Barry thought, _I'm standing here talking lies, when I did just that to explain to him why I've been spazzing out_. "No promises on that end, but I'm trying to get a handle on it." He just had to follow Cisco's advice and think about entire shelters of dead animals to keep myself from shaking like a paint mixer when aroused, or crossing the finish line early. "It wouldn't hurt to get some practice in controlling myself, though." Barry said, giving Eddie a sly look. "A _lot_ of practice. And we still have some official making up to do. We could always kill two birds..."

Swallowing thickly, Eddie nodded, not missing the innuendo in Barry's voice and he glanced down at his watch. "I'm still on shift for another hour or so." The last five minutes had been a rollercoaster, going from agitated to overjoyed to ridiculously aroused and there was no way on earth he was going to be able to focus on anything now, not when he'd be thinking about Barry the whole time. Hopefully, he could muddle through until he was off duty without screwing up too badly.

"Come over to my place when you're done?" He asked, moving in closer and reaching for Eddie's tie, slowly stroking his thumb down the front suggestively. He heard Eddie suck in a shaky breath and Barry had to applaud himself. It generally wasn't his area of expertise but judging by Eddie's reaction, he was nailing the seduction angle quite well.

"Yeah, definitely." Eddie answered huskily, the subtly obscene action Barry was performing on his tie making him think impure thoughts and his system flooded with testosterone. If he wasn't careful, he'd be the one making a scene. It was bad enough that the other guys would be ripping on him for days, after the public display of their relationship status, but if he added an awkward erection to the mix, he'd never ever live it down. "I'll be there." He said, doing his best to exercise some self-control.

"Good." Barry released Eddie's tie and leaned in for a kiss. "See you soon." Stepping back, he turned back toward the elevator, so he could race to his apartment and get things ready. He was in the car, the doors ready to close, before he leapt forward, hand activating the sensor that kept the doors from shutting. "One more thing," Barry called out and Eddie raised his eyebrow to indicate he was listening.

"Fair warning, there's a good chance Joe is out for your blood, so... watch your back." Pulling his hand back, the doors closed and Eddie shook his head. He didn't care if Joe did kill him, as long as he waited until the next day. He'd die a happy man, as long as he got to spend the next few hours with Barry.

 

*~*~*

 

Iris meandered down the hall towards Barry's apartment, humming quietly as she reached into her purse to find the key she had to his door and hadn't yet returned. When Barry had been in his coma, her father had worked out a deal for the rent with the landlord, so he wouldn't wake up to find himself homeless, and one of the stipulations of the arrangement was that they kept the place up, not letting it fall into disrepair because of disuse.

After they had spent a day or two cleaning out the place, throwing out the food in the fridge and tackling an ungodly pile of dirty laundry, they'd taken turns stopping by occasionally to dust, vacuum and run water through the taps, so rust wouldn't build up in the pipes and turn the water brown. When it got cold, the heat was turned on to keep the pipes from bursting and flooding the unit. Iris had taken to using it as a getaway spot, if she'd been particularly upset after visiting Barry and needed a boost by burying her face in the couch cushions that smelled less and less like him the more time went on.

It was her first time coming over since Barry had been back and her trip wouldn't even be necessary if he'd just answered his phone. He'd texted her a few hours ago, about them needing to talk but of course, once she'd gotten a chance to text him back, he didn't respond. But they'd been playing phone tag for years and Iris knew the best way to circumvent their off-kilter schedules was to just see him face to face.

Pulling out the key attached to a heavy pewter keychain in the shape of a big red B, Iris stopped at Barry's door and undid the deadbolt before unlocking the knob. Walking in, she shut the door behind her and tossed the key back into her purse. Before she could open her mouth to call out for Barry, a head peeked out at her from the bathroom.

A spiky-haired blonde head.

Iris gaped at Eddie and he goggled right back at her, toothbrush hanging from the corner of his mouth, a smear of toothpaste on his chin.

"Hey, do you want mayo or Miracle Whip?" 

They both turned their heads toward Barry, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a butter knife in one hand, jeans noticeably undone and hanging open. When he saw Iris, a nervous, watery smile appeared on his face.

"Iris! What uh, what are you doing here? In my apartment... right now?"

Eyes flicking from Barry's open fly to Eddie with the toothbrush and back again, it hit Iris like a ton of bricks, what she'd walked in on, or rather, what she'd walked in on _after_ the fact. " _Oh, my God_!" Clapping a hand over her eyes, she spun around to face the front door, feeling them heat up from her mortification. "I tried to call you, after I got your message! When you didn't answer, I thought I'd come over! I had no idea that you... that you and Eddie had made up!"

Shooing Eddie back into the bathroom, Barry leaned back to drop the knife on the kitchen counter, freeing his hands to zip up and button his jeans. The door to the bathroom closed with a soft _click_ and once he was presentable, Barry put a hand on Iris' shoulder.

Turning around, Iris grinned up at him sheepishly. "So, I guess congratulations are in order. I'm so happy for you guys! And I'm so, _so_ sorry for barging in!"

Barry snorted. "Don't worry about it. I'll hang a sock on the doorknob next time." Iris laughed and punched his chest playfully, proud of him, even if she thought she was going to die of humiliation. He pretended to be hurt, massaging his chest where she'd hit him in mock pain. "Fine, see if I try to protect your tender sensibilities next time."

"They're not _tender_! Just... prone to unexpected surprises." She motioned toward the door. "Is he _seriously_ using your toothbrush, after he..." Iris trailed off, not wanting to go into specifics. Eddie and Barry were adorable together but she didn't need to think about her best friend slash brother getting his jollies.

"What? _No_! I've got a whole stash of toothbrushes in the cabinet in there. They give me a free one every time I go to the dentist and it always seemed a waste to throw them out." Barry had even tore the thing out of the little clam shell package after he'd finished washing his own mouth out, apologizing profusely to Eddie for being a stickler for hygiene, despite the fact they'd made out quite fervently after the deed was done, not caring about the transfer of fluids in the heat of the moment. He'd pointed out how ridiculous he was being, not wanting to share a toothbrush, but Eddie had waved him off, confessing that even he would have done the same to him. Some things were just sacred.

"Ah... well, good. _Smart_. So... that was fast. Did you two have a grown up discussion about your fight or did you just jump right into bed together?"

"Oh, we gonna have a gossip sesh now?" He asked, a teasing smile on his face. They _had_ actually had a deep, meaningful conversation about their fight, and their future, now that they were out in the open, but Barry felt it more prudent to rib Iris the best he could, since she'd barged in on them. "You wanna know all about Eddie's oral technique, too? I could get a couple of spoons and some ice cream from the freezer. I wouldn't recommend sitting on the couch, though..." Entertaining as it was to rub it in, for propriety's sake, he really didn't want Iris to sit there until he'd had a chance to clean up the cushions. Barry was fairly certain Iris didn't want to be anywhere near where his bare butt had been, while Eddie had knelt on the floor in front of him.

Iris pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head, hair flying around in her vehemence. "God, I hate you _so much_ right now..." She just wanted to leave and forget she'd ever saw or heard anything, but she needed to find out what Barry had wanted to talk to her about before that could happen. "Just tell me why you texted me, so I can go drown these memories in brain bleach!"

The bottom dropped out of his stomach, remembering why he'd messaged Iris in the first place. It was before he'd spoken with Eddie, and it had been pushed to the back of his mind, in favor of more pleasurable activities. It all came rushing back, Joe's warning about getting Iris off the Streak, and his visit to see her at Jitters, both as himself and as the Streak, to get her to stop blogging about him.

"That, yeah... uhm." The endorphins that had been rushing through his system dissipated quickly when reality came crashing down around him. "I wanted to talk to you about your blog."

"Barry, we _already_ talked about this." She said, not wanting to go down that road again with him.

"I know, but please, just listen. I was working this case, for someone I really thought I could help out of a bad situation. But I couldn't... and she died."

Mouth turning down in a frown, Iris reached out to take Barry's hand, not sure where this was going or how it related to her, but she wanted to comfort him all the same. "I'm so sorry... are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't know her all that well. It still hurts though, y'know? But as bad as I feel right now, I know how much it hurts when the person you lose is family. And if I lose you because you're blogging about this and putting yourself in danger, I don't know how I could live with myself. So I'm asking you, one last time..." Barry laced their fingers together, squeezing her hand tightly in his own as he peered into her eyes, to show her how much this meant to him. "Please, just stop all this. If not for your own safety, then at least for peace of mind for Joe and me."

Shaking her head, Iris pulled away from Barry and folded her arms over her chest. She couldn't stop, not now that she knew the Streak was real, not now that they had spoken to one another, even if she'd been the one to do most of the talking. The joy she'd felt for Barry and Eddie making amends had been replaced with cold disappointment. Disappointment that the one person she'd thought would back her up on the story was trying to shut her down.

"Why is it that I'm the only one interested in this? You hopped a train to Starling City, _without_ Singh's approval, I might add, to work a case that had the faintest whiff of impossible on it, but now, it's like you couldn't care less about the same thing going on in your own city, right underneath your nose. Why, Barry? What is going on with you?"

Barry rubbed at the back of his neck, not believing that he was once more in this situation, but instead of with Eddie, it was with Iris. One more person he wanted to confess everything to and one more person he had to lie to because he couldn't.

"I dunno. I guess that with the accident and the coma and Eddie, living my life seemed more important than staying stuck in the past and I finally had to put what happened to my family behind me to move on." He inwardly cringed, regurgitating the words every therapist he'd gone to see as a kid had told him, and it was like bile in his throat. Barry didn't think it was possible to hate himself more, but he did.

For weeks after he moved in with Joe and Iris, he'd curled up in her bed at night, crying into her shoulder about how no one believed him about the man in the yellow suit and how as soon as he was big enough, he was going to get his father out of prison, and she'd always listened to him, gently stroking his hair as he cried himself to sleep. Fourteen years later, there he was, telling her that he'd just given up on all that, out of the blue. Of all the lies he'd told since discovering his powers, _that_ was the one he thought he'd regret for the rest of his life.

Iris stared at him like he'd grown a second head. Yes, she knew that Eddie had the potential to be life-long partner material and Barry was working to throw himself wholly into their relationship, but all of that didn't explain his endeavors to get her to stop blogging or how he wasn't excited about something that had been the cornerstone of his interest in the sciences. It boggled the mind, especially since _he_ was the one she was doing all of it for. Having her efforts thrown back in her face hurt more than anything else.

Pursing her lips together tightly, she shook her head and threw a hand in the air. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But whoever the Streak is, wherever he comes from, I won't stop until the whole world believes in him. And if you can't support me in that, the way I've supported you in the past," Iris tapped Barry's chest with a finger, "then maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while."

With that, Iris went to the door, opening it up and marched out with her head held high, slamming the door behind her. She wasn't made of glass or some dim-witted damsel who needed saving, and she was old enough to make her own decisions about her life, without her dad or Barry or anyone else second guessing her every move. She would show them, she'd show them all.

Startling at the sound of the door slamming shut, Eddie lifted himself off the toilet, where he'd been waiting patiently, doing his best not to eavesdrop on them too much while he waited for Barry and Iris to finish their conversation. Unfortunately, the bathroom was all tile and ceramic, and the two of them were standing right outside, so he had overheard everything. It had been lighthearted at first, quips thrown back and forth at the embarrassing nature of the situation, but it had devolved into territory that was meant to be private.

Knowing he couldn't stay in the bathroom forever, Eddie took a centering breath and opened the door, the hinges creaking faintly. Barry heard the noise and turned his head to look at him with the most lost, heartbroken expression on his face, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Hurrying out of the bathroom, Eddie embraced Barry tightly and kissed his temple tenderly.

"It's okay, Barry. It'll all be okay." Eddie murmured, not sure if it was the right thing to say after his fight but Barry needed some kind of reassurance, and he smoothed a hand over his back, whispering sweet-nothings into his ear to calm him down.

Crumpling in on himself, Barry wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, fingers clutching tightly at his shirt. He knew this was all his fault, that every bad thing that had happened with the people he cared about had been because of his inability to tell anyone the truth, and Barry thought he didn't deserve to be comforted, not when he'd gotten himself into this mess in the first place, first with Eddie and now with Iris.

Burying his face in the crook of Eddie's neck, questioning any deity that would listen as to what he'd done to deserve someone like Eddie in his life, Barry sniffled softly, a tear rolling down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The show beat me to the punch, but there _is_ a line in chapter five -which I did _not_ go back and edit in, it's been there since the beginning!- that follows along the line of "lightning psychosis", and I truly was going in that direction the whole time. I just jumped on their thread, out of convenience. So much for originality...


	9. Seed of Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous about this one... you'll see why. Hope you guys like it!

" _Thirteen_ fractures." Caitlin chided, tightening the screws on Barry's splint. "You've set a new record, and that's just in your hand. You also have a concussion, three cracked ribs, and a bruised spleen. Even with your powers, you'll still need a few hours to heal."

Barry said nothing in response, taking the admonishing tone in Caitlin's voice without complaint. He knew he was due for a scolding for freaking her, Cisco and Dr. Wells out after they'd found him collapsed and bleeding on the lab floor, unaware that he'd even been out running the streets. Every inch of him hurt, his hand sending fresh waves of agony through his already overtaxed body. Exhausted beyond belief, he couldn't escape Caitlin's wrath, even if he wanted to.

"What, pray tell, did you hit?" Dr. Wells asked, studying the screen displaying the massive amount of damage he'd taken, fingers swiping across the screen as he flipped through the images and data.

"A man. A... _big_ , bad man. His skin changed when I hit him." Wells turned to face him and seeing that his interest had been piqued, Barry went on, "It turned into metal." Weird as it had been to see, it barely move the needle on their collective meter of weird, but Wells still seemed intrigued nonetheless.

"Hmm. A man of _steel_." Dr. Wells said, lips turning up as though it were an especially amusing inside joke.

Before Barry could ask if he'd heard of something like it before the accelerator explosion, Cisco stepped forward to put in his two cents, arms crossed over his chest defensively. "Dude, why didn't you call us, before you went off to take on a meta alone? I thought we were supposed to be a team."

"We are. But I had _no_ clue what he was when I went after him." Barry said in self-defense, sitting up and throw his legs over the edge of the bed. "Besides, I was... off duty."

Caitlin made a noise and Barry craned his head around to look at her. The expression on her face said he wasn't fooling anyone, or at least, he wasn't fooling her. She'd been the first person to tell him not to get involved with Iris and her blog about his alter ego, but given their fight and the subsequent radio silence between them since their fight, it was the only way he could talk to her, as well as watch out for her. No matter what, she was still his best friend and he cared about her. At least as the Streak -he'd been trying his best to convince her to come up with something better- he could keep her safe, the way she wouldn't let him as plain old Barry. He figured that unlike Cisco and Dr. Wells, Caitlin was following Iris' blog and knew that they had been meeting up. Barry glanced away guiltily, making Caitlin roll her eyes at how much of an indictment it was to his recent clandestine activities.

"At least he didn't knock out your teeth," Cisco said, completely missing the non-verbal conversation going on between them, still upset that he'd missed out on the crime fighting, "those puppies will not grow back."

 _Thank goodness for small mercies_ , Barry thought. "But you know... the strangest thing about this guy wasn't that he was a meta."

"What do you mean?" Catlin asked, giving Barry a temporary pass on the Iris issue.

"I got the feeling that I knew him from somewhere. He said something to me that was... familiar. I just can't place it." Barry peered over at Dr. Wells imploringly. "But he's gonna hurt someone else if I don't stop him. So any ideas on how I'm supposed to fight a guy made of steel? And _win_?" He couldn't emphasize that point enough, the winning. He'd fought the guy already and lost. If they couldn't come up with a workable strategy, there was a chance he wouldn't walk away the second time around.

"Trust that we will find a way." Wells said encouragingly, "But tonight, you need to focusing on healing."

Groaning, Barry gave a reluctant nod and moved to lie back down on the bed until he was feeling well enough to return home. Thinking of going home while trying to find a comfortable position shook something loose in his head and Barry muttered a curse. "Can one of you lend me your phone? I have to call and cancel on Eddie."

Cisco reached into his back pocket to dig out his phone and placed it in Barry's good hand. "On a scale from one to rage zombie, how pissed do you think he's gonna be?"

Tapping out the number slowly, as even dialing seemed too strenuous an activity, Barry shook his head, mouth turning down in a shrug. "If it comes to that, I suppose it'll just be another thing I'll have to add to my list."

"Your list?" Caitlin asked from across the room, lifting her eyes to him briefly from her computer screen.

"My  _get out of the doghouse_ list." Barry said, "A place I thought I was going to get out of sometime soon, but now, my chances aren't looking so hot." Barry thought he'd been getting close to the finish line, outdoing himself with each new endeavor every time he had to make for canceled plans or blowing Eddie off altogether to take care of Flash business, getting more creative each time it happened, but if Eddie got upset for taking a raincheck on their date on such short notice, he'd have to pull off another miracle.

When they'd taken the mulligan on their first date, Barry had thought he'd done pretty well for himself, calling in a favor to get them a table at an upscale Spanish restaurant that overlooked the river. Reservations were hard to get but luckily, he knew someone on the wait staff, an acquaintance from high school who wasn't above having his palms greased to get to their names bumped up the list. The candlelit dinner had nearly broken the bank, but the look in Eddie's eyes as they'd worked off the decadent meal by walking the riverfront hand in hand, taking in the night skyline as they talked about everything in general and nothing in particular, it had been well worth the debt.

He'd thought there was no way he could top that, nor would he ever have to, until he'd dug himself into a hole that required more romantic gestures to get out of. Barry had to do more than sweep Eddie off his feet and he'd gone above and beyond to do so. He'd surprised Eddie with seats in a loge box at a Cougars game -he owed the desk sergeant big time for hooking him up with the tickets- and had loaded up on online recipes so he could cook him a private dinner, even going so far as to set up an impromptu picnic lunch in his lab, a tacky gingham picnic blanket spread out on the floor, with a wicker picnic basket loaded with food he'd prepared himself. Eddie had spent most of the time laughing his ass off at him, but he certainly hadn't hated it.

Barry had to up the ante after that, following up every grand gesture with little things, like back rubs after Eddie came back from the gym, leaving little notes stuck to his computer screen at work, and letting him pick the movies to watch from the Netflix queue. He'd never seen so many action movies in his life, though to be fair, they generally didn't make it that far in before they started making out. He knew he had to be close to being back in Eddie's good graces once more, but if he caught even the tiniest whiff of dishonesty from the call, it was over.

"If it makes you feel any better, you don't have to lie to him this time. Just tell him you aren't feeling well, which is true, and you've been given doctor's orders to stay in bed until you heal," Caitlin glared at him sternly out of the corner of her eye, as if daring him to try and leave before he was back to one hundred percent, "also true. _.._ Besides, it's not like you two can't reschedule for tomorrow night."

Barry arched a brow. "With our metal meta on the loose?" He gave his trussed up hand a waggle, something he instantly regretted, as pain lanced excruciatingly up and down his arm. It took a moment to recover from that misstep, hissing through his teeth while Caitlin turned to face him, hands on her hips and a _you're-an-idiot_ look on her face. 

"I think it'd be better to reschedule after I get out of full-body traction." He said, voice straining as he bore down on the pain. He had no clue how he was going to take down the meta but he knew that when he did, there was a good chance he'd break every bone in his body in the process, and wouldn't _that_ just be a joy to explain to Eddie.

"As I said, we'll find a way to take him down without that happening," Dr. Wells said placidly, "For now, let's give Mr. Allen some privacy to make his call." He motioned to Cisco and Caitlin, and the three of them left the room, Cisco spinning around to give him a thumbs up before disappearing from view.

Once he could no longer hear their footsteps, or the whirr of Wells' wheelchair, Barry hit send and put the phone to his ear. Listening to it ring, he hoped that Eddie wouldn't let the call go to voicemail when he saw it was from a number he didn't recognize. If that happened, he'd just have to keeping calling back, until curiosity made Eddie pick up. After the fourth ring, however, the line connected and Barry let out a sigh of relief.

"Hello?" Eddie's voice had a faint echo to it and Barry figured he was in the locker rooms at the police station, most likely getting ready for their date after getting off shift.

"Hey, it's me," He said, "I'm glad you picked up. I'm calling from Cisco's phone and I didn't think you'd answer."

"I wasn't going to, but this late, I thought it would be important... Is everything all right? You don't sound good."

"No, I'm okay. My phone died earlier and I needed to get a hold of you to, uh..." He paused to brace himself before he continued on. "Because I need to cancel tonight."

Eddie sat down on the wooden bench in front of the row of lockers and gripped the edge, suddenly worried. "What happened? Are you okay?" He asked again. It sounded like Barry was having trouble speaking and his pulse quickened, thinking he'd hurt himself somehow.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm at S.T.A.R. Labs, everything's fine. They just kinda ran me ragged today with their tests," _So much for not lying_ , "and now Caitlin wants to monitor me before she lets me go home. It should only be a few hours, but afterward, the only thing I'll feel like doing is crawling into bed."

The reassurance calmed him down but glad as he was that Barry was getting the help he needed, Eddie didn't like the idea of him being left alone after enduring whatever stress-tests Dr. Wells and Caitlin were subjecting him to. Especially if they were the kind of tests he needed time to recover from. "Is someone gonna take you home? Even if it's late, I could come get you, if you wanted, and stay over, to look after you."

"No, that's okay. As much as I enjoy the idea of you tucking me into bed, Caitlin said she'd give me a ride home." That part had the potential to end up being true, as there was a real chance she'd flip out if he tried to run home after getting the crap kicked out of him and would give him a lift, on principle alone.

Eddie's shoulders slumped, feeling kind of useless. It was bad enough that the car chase earlier had ended on such a crazy note and busy as his mind was with questions, the one person he had in his life to distract him from work didn't need him. "Is there _anything_ I can do?"

"Mmh, you could talk to me. Keep me company while I lie here being bored." Barry rolled over as best he could, so the phone was on the pillow and he pressed his ear to it, so he could rest his arm. Closing his eyes, he smiled as he heard Eddie laugh softly.

" _That_ I can do." He said, glancing around to make sure he was alone in the locker room. Once he was sure no one was eavesdropping on him, he stood up, reaching into his locker to grab his gym bag. If he was going to end up spending the night solo, he thought he could at least squeeze some time at the gym before heading back to his place. "So... are you alone?" He asked lightly.

Barry's eyes flew open. From anyone else, it would have been an innocuous question, devoid of the need to be scrutinized, but he could hear the hidden question beneath the innocent tone. "Oh no, we are _not_ having phone sex."

Laugh echoing off the walls, Eddie grinned as he shouldered his bag and elbowed the locker shut. "It hadn't even crossed my mind." It most certainly had, but neither of them were really in a position to actually go through with it, beyond joke about doing it. "But after everything we've done together, it's good to know _that's_ where you draw the line."

Beneath Barry's button down exterior, Eddie had discovered that he wasn't as vanilla as one would think when it came to their bedroom activities, and though they'd not had sex yet, Eddie had the sneaking suspicion that when they finally did, it could quite literally shake the rafters. 

When he'd gathered up the courage to ask Barry about how well-versed he was, he'd explained that a previous boyfriend who'd had a very strict no intercourse rule had instructed him in the other ways two people could pleasure each other. Not that he himself was a slouch in that area, but having a partner that could match him between the sheets, it made him curious. Most people didn't like hearing about their partner's exes -it was usually a death knell of a relationship, prying about a significant other's sexual history, beyond making sure they had a clean bill of health- but seeing as Eddie was reaping the benefits of that tutelage, he very well couldn't complain. If anything, he wanted to meet the guy, just to shake his hand and thank him by buying him a drink.

"Hey, I'm not adverse to the idea in and of itself. But _one_ , this is Cisco's phone and that'd just be disrespectful. Not to mention that logically, if his phone is here, so is he, which means I'm not technically alone. _Two_ , as bad as I am trying to maintain a normal conversation, how long do you think I'd last before I made a complete ass of myself and ruined the mood? And _three_ , I'm not really comfortable with the idea that some perverted NSA flunkie at Ft. Meade could be listening in right now and would get their rocks off if we started..." Barry waved his good hand around, searching for a term that wasn't too crude, in case they _were_ being tapped, "you know, talking dirty about our... _stuff_."

"Sorry, NSA flunkie," Eddie said, tipping the phone to speak directly into the speaker, mindlessly digging his car keys out of his pocket as he did so, "Bartholomew Henry Allen of Central City is uncomfortable talking about _stuff_ , so it looks like neither of us are getting our rocks off tonight."

Grumbling into the phone, Barry rolled his eyes. Eddie was lucky his hand was broken in a dozen places, otherwise he'd have to dash over to the station and throttle him. "Have I ever told you about how much I hate you? Because if not, I will _gladly_ count the ways."

Walking out of the locker room, Eddie headed toward the exit that would take him to the parking deck, lowering his voice as he filtered through the late night crowd of officers and desk clerks. "Please do. I'd be extremely interested to hear how much you hate me."

"No. Do not take use that seductive boyfriend voice on me. We're changing the subject now... Tell me about your day, and _not_ about how much of an insatiable bastard you apparently are."

Eddie pushed open the door to the parking deck and checking around once more to ensure he was alone, he pitched his voice even lower, knowing all too well how it turned Barry on when he did it. "You already know how my day went, as you were around for most of it. Breakfast, the shower before work, you making us late because you forgot your equipment bag and getting reamed by Singh. Any of that ringing a bell?"

It rang quite a few bells, especially the reaming part, though Barry had built up quite a tolerance to those. The shower was memorable though. There was a big misconception that showers were an especially erotic venue for two people to enjoy, when in reality, it was generally the exact opposite. Most tubs were too small for any real gymnastics, and if they weren't, the slippery surfaces made such feats dangerous to attempt. In most cases, when people got it in their heads to make the effort, for the sake of sexiness, one of them invariably ended up shivering in the back, while the other person got to enjoy the hot spray.

They had decided to forgo all of that and simply take a shower, in the interest of saving time and conserving water. Without any of the pretense, they had actually had a lot of fun, soaping each other up and making jokes about cleaning behind their ears. Barry wouldn't give him the satisfaction of an acknowledgment however, not after the use of his full name. "I have no clue what you're rambling on about."

Chuckling, Eddie made his way to his car, hitting the key fob to unlock the doors. "I'm sure." He replied sarcastically. "As for the rest of the day..." His mind went back to the car chase and the thief who was apparently bulletproof and his teasing mood abruptly vanished in a puff of smoke.

Barry frowned, brow furrowing together in confusion when Eddie trailed off. "Eddie? What is it?"

Shaking his head, not caring that Barry couldn't see it, he threw his stuff into the back and climbed into the driver's seat, shutting the door with a snap. "It's nothing. Just a case. But you should... for now, you should focus on feeling better and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"But. I thought you were gonna keep me company." Barry said with a pout. "You wanna talk about it?"

He deflated a bit and let out a weary sigh. He rubbed at the spot between his eyebrows with a finger. He hadn't intended to get short with Barry, but it was really weighing on him, what he'd seen. "No, I don't. I'm sorry, but I just..."

He could have questioned it and gotten Eddie to open up about what was bothering him -he'd bet money it was his meta case, as he'd spied Joe and Eddie when he buzzed past the police barricade- but it didn't seem right. All the times Eddie had pressed him on issues he didn't or couldn't talk about it, it wouldn't be fair to not extend him the same courtesy and understanding when he was the one having a hard time. Barry knew how seriously Eddie took his arrests and he decided to let him have this one, hoping that he'd be in better spirits the next day. "No, it's okay, I understand. We'll talk in the morning."

"Thank you, Bar." Eddie replied, relieved that he didn't have to get what was bugging him off his shoulders, at least just yet. Before, he'd been eager to see what Barry had planned for their date, as he was still pulling double duty on making up for all the lying he'd done, but now, Eddie could only focus on working out his issues at the gym, going home afterward and having a few beers to calm his mind. "Have a good night."

"You too." The line disconnected and Barry was left staring at the edge of the pillow. At least Eddie wasn't mad that he'd canceled, though if the alternative was him being distracted and upset by his bust going sideways, Barry wasn't sure which one he preferred more. A light bulb flickered to life in his head, about how he could cheer Eddie up and Barry smiled to himself as he plotted his next move.

 

* * *

 

Closing the door to the apartment as softly as he could, Barry toed off his shoes and took off his coat. Tossing it in the general direction of the couch, Barry took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. Slowly, the apartment came into focus and once he was sure he could make his way through without stumbling over anything, he made his way to the bedroom, sense memory guiding him through the shadows. He tread carefully across the carpet, not just because he didn't want to make any noise, but because he was still rather sore from his beating.

His hand was working once more, though Caitlin had suggested he exercise it as much as he could, to keep the tendons from healing improperly. Then she exercised her own hand by using it to slap Cisco's arm when she caught him making a masturbatory gesture behind her back. The rest of his injuries, the bruises and internal injuries were now just an inconvenience, but nonetheless, Caitlin had made him promise, under pain of death, to take it easy before she let him go racing off.

Making it to the hallway, Barry's lifted his arm, fingers finding the wall and used it to guide him past the bathroom to the bedroom. Finding the door open, he walked in and stopped just short of where he knew the bed to be. He quietly unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them, kicking them aside as he pulled his sweater off. Dropping it onto the floor, he undid the buttons of his flannel undershirt and it too was flung aside. Clad in only his boxer briefs, Barry breathed in deeply through his nose and lifted up the blankets, praying that this didn't end with more broken bones.

The second the mattress dipped under his weight, he felt Eddie startle.

"Ssh, it's just me." Barry whispered, climbing onto the bed and scooting toward him, before Eddie tried to fight him off. When they bumped into each other, Eddie grabbed his arm tightly, yanking on it to bring him closer, to make sure it was really him. Unfortunately, it was the arm attached to his bad hand and Barry had to grit his teeth against the throbbing ache Eddie's grip had caused. "It's okay, it's me, see?"

"Jesus, Barry!" The rush of adrenaline after coming out of a dead sleep had made him dizzy and he shook his head to clear it of the fog, releasing his hold before he left a bruise on Barry's arm. "Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?" He asked with an hysterical little laugh. 

"Sorry," Barry said, hand finding Eddie's face to stroke his stubble covered cheek apologetically, "I wanted to surprise you, but it wasn't until just now that I remembered you keep a loaded gun in the nightstand." Shifting to lie back, he pulled Eddie down with him, one arm wending around his shoulders, the other settling around his waist.

He collapsed on Barry's chest, going completely boneless as exhaustion overtook him once more. "Loaded, not chambered, safety on. I'm not an idiot." He kept it that way so he could protect himself at the drop of a dime if he had to, while minimizing the risk of accidentally shooting himself in the process. It did something for his peace of mind though, knowing that if he had gone for the gun, Barry would have been able to identify himself in the handful of seconds it would have taken to flip the safety, rack the slide, and thumb back the hammer before unloading a clip into his chest. "But just in case, don't you _ever_ do that again."

"Mental note: next time I try to surprise you, knock first."

Eddie curled up next to him in response, sleepily tangling their legs together, ear coming to a rest just over Barry's heart. The swift thump-thump soothed his frayed nerves and his eyes fluttered shut at the sound. "How did you get in here anyway?"

"Magic." Barry replied, hoping in Eddie's sleep-addled state, he wouldn't question his illicit entrance too much, not that he was overly worried Eddie would bust him for breaking and entering.

Eddie let out a disbelieving huff, the warmth of his breath ghosting over Barry's chest. "Okay, Houdini, _why_ you in here?"

"Earlier, on the phone... it sounded like you could use a hug." He squeezed his arms around Eddie to illustrate his point and bent down to kiss the crown of his head.

"So you magicked your way into my apartment just to give me a hug?"

"More or less, yeah." His hand idly found its way into Eddie's hair, fingers rubbing at the spot just behind his ear that Barry knew would make him purr and true to form, Eddie groaned, nearly melting under the touch.

"A full body hug. In your underwear." Not that he was complaining about it. Barry's naked skin was like a furnace, radiating a warmth that was lulling him back to sleep almost as quickly as the gentle attention of Barry's fingers. "In the middle of the night."

"... yyyes."

"Hmpf. I knew there was a reason I loved you."

Barry froze, not knowing what he could possibly say to that, but Eddie thankfully drifted off seconds after that, his breathing evening out. It was a reprieve from the expectation to respond in kind, temporary though it may have been, because Eddie would no doubt repeat those three words to him at some point in the future, if they had come so easily to his lips now. He'd obviously been feeling that way for some time, to let it casually slip out in his exhausted state.

Shocked at the impending prospect of the dynamic of their relationship changing, he stared wide-eyed at the ceiling, jarred to the core, any thought of getting sleep gone.

 

* * *

 

Barry was _not_ having a good day.

He trudged sullenly through the main lobby of the police station, eyes on his phone to keep anyone from trying to start up a conversation with him. Getting on the elevator that was blessedly empty, Barry propped himself up in the corner and let his head fall back, trying to take a moment's respite from it all.

His mind wouldn't shut up however and he closed his eyes against the whirling torrent. He knew it had been stupid to go after Tony by himself, but after visiting Iris to make sure he was okay after Tony had approached her, he'd been seeing red and he had gone off half-cocked, wanting to take down Tony with a vengeance that wasn't purely selfless. He'd paid for his impetus with yet another beating -his record was now 0-4 after his second round with Tony, one with the shifty guy at the brewery, and one with Cisco's metal monstrosity- and Barry wasn't sure he could take anymore, not without ending up a pile of hamburger. If that wasn't enough, the verbal beating he'd taken from Dr. Wells had literally been adding insult to injury.

The worst part was knowing that he deserved being taken down a peg, after what he'd done. He'd made a mistake in the field that had nearly cost him his life and he had no one to blame for it but himself. The slice of humble pie he had to eat had been tough going down, but he knew he had to play this fight smarter and the only way to do it was to get his head properly back in the game.

Which would have been simple enough to do, were he not still reeling from the bombshell Eddie had unknowingly dropped on him. He couldn't just run away from it, like he'd been running from everything else since Tony showed up. Being in love changed everything and it was something that needed to be addressed. The only saving grace he had was that Eddie had said it to him without knowing he'd actually said it, because it gave him time to do some soul-searching. He liked Eddie more than a lot, something he could admit without hesitation, and their relationship, hurdles and all, was the one normal thing he had in his life. It was what kept him grounded as he fought the good fight, so he could keep Eddie -as well as Iris, Joe, his friends, and everyone else in Central City- safe from the forces beyond their control.

But _love_?

The nine months he'd spent getting to know every little detail and quirk about him while he'd been dead to the world had given Eddie the advantage, leaving Barry to play catch up in learning what made Eddie tick in the couple odd months they'd been dating. He was definitely a catch, handsome and kindhearted, selflessly dedicated to his work. He kept score of his arrests, but it wasn't just to prove to everyone that he was the best at what he did. He did it as a reminder to himself that there was always more that needed to be done, and more people that needed to be helped. Eddie had a great sense of humor, despite the horrors of his profession, and Barry thought that it complimented his own painfully awkward attempts at humor very well.

Eddie accepted him for what he was, glaring flaws and all, and Barry had to thank his lucky stars that he had found someone like him, as most people would have checked out after dealing with his personality quirks that bordered on delightfully eccentric. He was all crazy lies and abrupt exits when duty called him away, and the unforeseen side-effects of his abilities that made him the occasional hot mess. But Eddie was a good person, a great boyfriend, able to see the light in life, yet capable of being deadly serious when the situation called for it, never hesitating in speaking his mind, and always firm in his beliefs. Even if sometimes that belief was that he was going to get the last piece of pizza, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Barry knew he had been falling for Eddie since the moment they'd met and that first charge of chemistry had arced between them. But he whether he was there yet, mentally and emotionally, he didn't know for certain. There was still so much to learn about Eddie, and so much Eddie still needed to learn about him. The one thing Barry knew for certain however, beyond any shadow of a doubt, was that if he found himself returning Eddie's love, there was no way he could continue keeping his identity a secret from him. He couldn't say he loved someone, while lying about a large part of who he was and Barry would never do that to Eddie. He didn't even like doing it now, when they were just dating. If they became something more, Barry would put his foot down on the issue and not let up until everything was out in the open, consequences be damned.

Dr. Wells, like Joe, probably wouldn't be too keen about it, and not just because he was also of the mind that the less people who knew about his identity, the better. Wells had intimated to him that too many distractions in his personal life could keep him from reaching his full potential. While Caitlin and Cisco had no qualms with his relationship, Dr. Wells just looked at him with an enigmatic smile and said nothing.

If Barry decided that Eddie was it for him, the end of the line, love, marriage and a baby carriage, he had no idea what Wells' reaction would be to the news, if he'd be happy to hear he'd found something normal in his newly minted bizarro world, or if he'd be upset he was letting his so-called distractions get in the way of realizing the true scope and nature of his abilities.

The elevator dinged and Barry pushed himself upright and walked out, deciding he would just have cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, he had to focus on the task at hand -figuring out how to go nearly nine hundred miles an hour and land the _perfect_ punch- and worry about the rest once Tony was secure in the pipeline. If he could run on water and up buildings, he just had to have faith that he could take down Tony.

"Barry, hey!"

Glancing up from his phone, Barry sighed when he saw Joe and shook his head, not stopping on his way toward the staircase. "I've been beaten up enough for one day, Joe, I gotta-"

Joe grabbed him by the elbow, to keep him from going any farther and Barry turned around, looking at him expectantly, wondering how the day could get any worse.

"We got an anonymous tip that led us to Woodward's hideout, but the place was trashed. You gonna tell me what happened?"

Barry sighed and rubbed at his forehead in frustration. "Tony showed up at Jitters to see Iris, asking her about the Streak. She got a hold of me through her blog to warn me, and I... I _had_ to go after him."

"Is Iris okay?" He asked, taken aback that this was the first he was hearing about. Then again, it had been his idea to let Eddie take lead in the first place, with Barry backing him up, and this was what he got for being out of the loop. He had teamed them up because Eddie needed answers on the Woodward case that only Barry could spin and make believable, and he had used the down time so he could put in some footwork alone on Nora's murder, now that he had new knowledge about meta humans that opened up new doors to tracking down her killer.

"Yeah, she's fine. Once Eddie found out, he put a detail on her, just to be safe." Barry leaned in and lowered his voice. "I tried, Joe. I thought I could handle him this time, but..."

"Hey, I know what this punk put you through in school, but you can't go around letting your emotions cloud your judgment."

"A tollbooth camera got a shot of Woodward." _Speaking of reasons why I'm emotional_ , Barry thought, turning to look at Eddie as he came toward them, "Stolen car headed out of town. The state police are taking over. We lost him."

"Don't worry, Eddie," Joe said, giving his arm an encouraging tap, "they'll catch him." He just had to hope and pray that Woodward didn't crack their skulls open while they tried to arrest him. Hopefully, Barry would be there to prevent that from happening, when the call eventually came in.

"I wanted to take this guy down." Eddie said churlishly and Barry would have sworn on a stack of bibles that he sounded exactly like a petulant toddler who'd been denied a treat. It was only the seriousness of who and what they were dealing with that kept him from laughing out loud at Eddie's sour attitude. "Let's go, Barry. I need to hit something."

Barry blinked as Eddie shouldered past him up the stairs, already pulling his suit jacket off, and he spun around to stare at Joe. "Wha...?"

"I don't think he meant _you_ ," Joe said, before adding, "He _better not_ have meant you..." He motioned for Barry to follow after Eddie. "Go."

 

*~*~*

 

Holding the bag as best he could while Eddie worked off his aggression, Barry tamped down on the aggravation that blossomed every time a blow landed and knocked him back. It wasn't Eddie's fault that he'd been used as a punching bag for the better part of two days, only to now be directly behind an actual punching bag, and it wouldn't do to take his anger out on him. That what was the sparring equipment was for and Barry had been a little surprised walking in to find that Eddie had lugged the bag and gloves into his lab, but at least it afforded them some privacy to blow off steam.

Glancing at Barry between punches, Eddie could see that he wasn't in the mood for a little stress release and he understood perfectly that sometimes, you just needed to stew a little before finding a way to vent. It wasn't every day your schoolyard bully reared their ugly head and made your adult life just as miserable as it had been when you were a kid, so Barry had earned the right to be a little reticent. Still, it didn't mean that Eddie didn't want to try and assuage his worry, even if it was with words instead of actions. "So... this history you have with Woodward."

He watched as Barry shut down even harder on what he was feeling, expression going dark and Eddie drew back before he could land his next blow on the bag. "Hey, it's gonna be okay. Trust me, I should know. I had my fair share of bullies when I was a kid."

"Somehow, I find that difficult to believe." He looked at Eddie, his sweat covered muscles bulging from the workout and Barry couldn't even imagine a universe in which Eddie was picked on relentlessly. He was the kind of guy who did the picking, not the other way around.

Eddie smirked and resumed punching the bag. "You didn't know me back then. I was short, fat, and my father was a politician who closed down the factory in my school district. I wasn't exactly winning any popularity contests. Though it was a pretty popular sport to hunt me down between classes..."

Barry ducked his head, shamefaced. Never in a million years would he have guessed that Eddie had been in the same boat as him when they'd been going to school. It only proved to him that there was still so much they needed to learn about each other. "Sorry..." He tightened his grip on the bag and peered up at Eddie. "So what did you do about it?" Something had obviously happened, to explain the metamorphosis he'd gone through to become the man he was today.

"I got my ass kicked. _A lot_. Until one day, my gym teacher took pity on me and taught me how to defend myself." Eddie straightened and propped himself up against the bag, hand waving in the air as he spoke. "She told me that the key to fighting is patience. Most guys, they'll waste all their energy trying to land the most punches. But all it takes is _one_ , and you gotta make it count. Just pick your spot and drive through it, like it's six inches behind the target." He put his arms around the bag and pressed his cheek to it, nodding his head for Barry to take his best shot.

Putting his fists up, Barry glanced from Eddie to the bag, laughing inwardly at how Eddie's advice was frighteningly relevant to his current predicament. If Eddie knew about what he did in his off time, not only would he make a great addition to their team, he would be better at helping him train than Cisco's boxing robot. And it didn't hurt that Eddie was much prettier than all that chrome. Bringing himself back into the moment, Barry squared his shoulders and turned his focus to where he was going to hit, imagining the bag was Tony's stupid face. He took a centering breath, picked his target and took a swing.

Planting his feet to absorb the hit, Eddie shook his head at the lackluster punch. Barry may have been bummed about the current predicament with Woodward, but Eddie knew he could do better than that. He just needed a little encouragement. "Harder!" Eddie barked, grinning and leering lecherously at him.

Barry dropped his stance, hands falling to his side and he glared daggers at Eddie. "Okay, you can't say it like _that_! It's totally workplace inappropriate!"

"Why? Does it make you feel like _hitting_ something else?" Eddie asked, voice dripping with salacious innuendo.

"Pervert." Barry replied with a laugh. "Try all you want, but this isn't gonna turn into some cheesy porno, you know."

"Well, that's a shame." Eddie retorted cheekily. He slapped his hand against the bag. "C'mon, Allen, get your mind out of the gutter and back in the game."

It took everything he had not to stick his tongue out at Eddie. Instead, he shook clear the numerous dirty fantasies that had cropped up in his head of them taking advantage of the pornographic ambiance they'd unknowingly surrounded themselves with, located his target and drove his fist home. It wasn't as feeble as his first attempt, but Eddie still rolled his eyes at him.

" _Harder_!"

Eddie was having him on now, roughening his voice on purpose and Barry had to bite down hard on his lower lip to keep from making an unbecoming sound in reaction to his teasing. In retaliation for him being a sexual degenerate, Barry reared back, tapping into his speed as he swung with all his might. Unfortunately, he put more strength and speed into the punch than he intended, sending Eddie went flying backward. He barely caught himself before he went flying ass over teakettle. Barry stared down at the bag, hand comically stuck inside of it and he jerked his arm back to extract it as quickly as he could.

"Sorry!" He cried, pulling an excuse out of thin air, "the seam, it must have been starting to split!" He had no idea how old the bag was, but if Eddie had dug it out of the precinct's woefully outdated gym, it was safe for him to blame the equipment. If not, well, he'd have to find a more reasonable explanation and hope it came off believable.

Coughing, Eddie waved him off as he caught his breath. "It's okay, that was good!" He wheezed, righting himself and shaking off the blow. "That was _really_ good." Eddie hadn't expected him to be packing a cannon and he chalked it up to the secret strength people tapped into when they'd been properly motivated. In this case, the motivation had been getting some payback and Eddie figured he'd earned that one. "Just do that the next time someone is giving you grief and you won't have to worry about having your clock cleaned again."

Closing the distance between them, he lifted his hand to cup Barry's cheek, where the guy from the brewery had punched him, and was happy to see that he'd avoided any bruising. It had been one of the most terrifying moments he'd ever had in the field, seeing Barry step out from around the corner after taking his shortcut to head the guy off, only to end up with a fist in his face. Eddie had never been one for engaging in police brutality, not willing to risk his career, or his reputation as an officer sworn to uphold the law for a few seconds of revenge, but he'd been sorely tested to break his personal code of conduct, after seeing Barry sprawled out on the ground.

Barry gently covered Eddie's hand with his own and caught his gaze, to draw him out of his memories. "I'm fine, Eddie." He said quietly. "No glass jaw. I guess it's the _one_ good thing about having learned long ago in how to take a punch." The punch had been more like a love-tap, compared to the injuries he'd sustained so far, and honestly, it had slowed the guy down enough for Eddie to catch him, so he didn't really feel all that bad about it, though Eddie obviously did. Barry lifted his other hand to clutch at the front of Eddie's damp shirt. "I'm _fine_."

Eddie nodded, swallowing down the lump of guilt for getting lost in the heat of the moment and yelling for Barry to help chase the guy down. He was a lab tech, not a cop and it had been the wrong call to make, ordering Barry to put himself in that position. An old, familiar pain, born from years of knowing what it was like to feel alone and helpless washed over him and without thinking, he leaned in to kiss Barry. It spoke more than any sentiment he could ever hope to verbalize coherently, the tentative touch of their tongues an apology, telling him that they had one another now and that neither of them would have to feel helpless, or alone, ever again.

The subtle intensity of the kiss took Barry by surprise. Their kisses had run the gamut of the intimacy spectrum, from sweet, playful kisses that threatened to induce diabetes to the frenetic devouring kisses in the seconds before a brain-melting orgasm, but Barry thought there had never been so much emotion between them.

Whether it was from Eddie's regret that he'd been hurt, their shared past tribulations, or that Eddie loved him, or a combination of all three, Barry couldn't quite tell, but he responded to it with moan that had nothing to do with arousal. Melding their mouths together, he gave in to the powerful yet simple presence of Eddie’s lips connected to his, needing him, needing the comfort Eddie was offering him in a way he'd never felt before.

That was when it hit Barry, hard enough that he was surprised his knees didn't buckle from the sheer force of it. He was absolutely in love, and he'd just been too stupid to recognize it for what it was. He'd assumed love like this was something that had to planned for, or worked toward with time and determination, but somehow, when he wasn't paying attention, it had sideswiped him and it had just taken this long for him to feel it. He should have known what it was when he woke up and found this perfect guy waiting for him, waiting to explore the connection they had felt when they met, or when was doing all that he could to win him back and make amends, because the idea of Eddie walking out of his life was incomprehensible. 

Joe had once told him that when the universe wanted two people together, it made sure, one way or another, that all the pieces fell into place. With everything that happened since their fortuitous meeting that night in the alley, Barry's unconscious mind had been nudging him along, attempting to make him see that Eddie was _the one_.

Shivering with realization, goosebumps erupting on his flesh, Barry looped an arm around Eddie's neck, the hand on his shirt tightening to the point where he could feel his nails digging into his palm through the layer of cotton between his fingers. It was simultaneously exalting and terrifying, discovering his love for Eddie. It meant he'd finally stumbled upon the thing he'd been searching for since learning what love was. He'd cared a lot for all his previous boyfriends and girlfriends, but he'd never felt anything quite like this for any of them.

Unfortunately, being in love meant that he was beyond royally screwed. Joe was going to go ballistic when Barry told him that he now planned on letting Eddie in on his secret, but couldn't let Joe's anger dissuade him from what needed to be done. He had to be true to what -and who- was in his heart, something that Joe had no say in, no matter how much he railed against the decision.

Those were thoughts for another day, though. At that particular moment, Barry wanted nothing more than to bask in the new feelings and emotions he was experiencing, without any distraction. Losing himself in the act, the heady scent of sweat mixed with testosterone kick-starting his libido, he arched into Eddie, slotting their bodies together. Eddie let out a hard breath through his nose and thrust his hips, hands circling behind him to grope his ass wantonly, his intent more than apparent.

Barry was two seconds away from jumping up, wrapping his legs around Eddie's waist and riding him to the floor, but before he could throw caution into the wind, he heard a cell phone ring and someone answer out in the hallway. Good sense wriggled back into the forefront of his mind, reminding him of where they were and that the door to his lab was wide open, for anyone to walk in and catch them. Barry reluctantly broke away to catch his breath and rested their foreheads together. They locked gazes, both of them panting heavily as their desires slowly ebbed. " _Definitely_ workplace inappropriate." He croaked, teeth dragging slowly over his lower lip.

Eddie cleared his throat and nodded his head. "Right... We should, uh. Finish our workout." He said, though he wanted to do anything _but_ that. If they had been anywhere else, he'd have bet good money that Barry would have let him rip his clothes off and take him right then and there. Eddie had initiated the kiss because he had wanted to console Barry while he dealt with reemergence of old wounds, but something had changed between them, something Eddie couldn't quite put his finger on.

Whatever it was, it had been exhilarating, and once this was all over and done with, they'd have to explore it further. For now, he released his hold on Barry, giving his butt a playful tap before taking a step back. It was the only way to ensure that he wouldn't say to hell with the rules and pounce on him once more. He spun around and walked over to the desk -his gait a little ungainly- where he had laid out his equipment and picked up the pair of boxing mitts.

Putting them on, he glanced over his shoulder at Barry. "Let's start focusing on enhancing your speed."

"Right, good idea." Barry said, smirking to himself, not missing the humor in that statement. "Work now, porno later."

Eddie huffed out a laugh, he marched back toward Barry and planted his feet on the floor in a wide stance to help him absorb the blows. "You are a heartless tease, Barry Allen."

When Eddie put up his hands, Barry took up position, curling his fingers into tight fists. Eyes on the mitts, he shrugged one shoulder lackadaisically, like they were discussing the weather.

"Who said I was teasing?"

 

* * *

 

Slumping down against the lockers, Barry stared at Tony's unconscious body, more than a little shocked by the unexpected turn of events. He peered up at Iris, who was standing over the both of them, looking surprised herself as she cradled her hand in pain.

" _Nice cross_."

Gritting her teeth, Iris managed a sly grin. "My dad's had me in gloves since I was six," She told him, "No way was I gonna be the defenseless little girl." Iris wiggled her fingers carefully, trying to assess any damage to them, and they protested against the movement. "But I think I broke my hand."

As the adrenaline wore off, the agony that had been nothing more than a background annoyance blossomed into full effect, making Barry gasp. " _Ooh, me too_..."

Forgetting about her own pain, Iris stepped over Tony, literally planting her foot on his chest as she moved to the Streak's side to help him up and make sure he was all right.

Barry immediately vibrated his face to obscure his features from her, and working together, they managed to get him to his feet, albeit shakily. " _Thank you_." He said, grasping his injured arm, which felt like it was going to fall off at any moment. He owed a debt of gratitude to Eddie, for it was his advice that had rung in his ears as he raced back toward the school. He'd zeroed in on his spot and swung with all his might, aiming six inches behind his target. It didn't stop his arm from throbbing in agony, but protecting Iris from Tony had been worth the price of admission.

"I should be the one thanking you." She said breathlessly. "You saved me."

He shook his head deferentially. " _You deserve a little more credit than that_." Barry motioned toward Tony, who was only down for the count because of her actions. His sonic boom punch had done most of the work, momentarily preventing him from shifting into metal once more, but it had been Iris' punch had finished the job.

"Then we saved each other, how about that?" Iris offered, smiling up at him.

" _I can live with that_." He said, before groaning. " _If I live at all_." The pain was making his vision swim, the world tilting a little, yet somehow, underneath the pain, a gnawing hunger was making itself equally known. Barry couldn't tell what he wanted first, a pile of greasy food to sate his stomach, or Caitlin manhandling his bones back into place, so he could heal up, and the fact that he couldn't decide between the two told him how bad off he truly was.

Eyes raking over him to make sure he wasn't hurt anywhere else, Iris placed a tentative hand on his good shoulder, waiting for him to shy away from the touch, but he never did. Taking it as a sign that he trusted her, Iris circled a hand around under his bicep, to keep him steady, in case he collapsed. "Should we... go to a hospital or something? You don't look like you're in any state to be running around some more."

" _I'll be okay. Eventually. Right now, I'm more concerned about getting him out of here_." Barry very well couldn't drag him to the pipeline, nor could Caitlin and Cisco drive to the school in the S.T.A.R. Labs van to whisk Tony away while Iris was still hanging around. She was just as aware as Eddie of all the time he'd been spending there under the pretense of rehabilitating himself after his accident. If she saw the van, she could potentially put two and two together, and start wondering what the hell they were really doing there behind closed doors.

"Why? The cops are on their way, and they've been looking all over for him. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to take him off your hands." She said, as though waiting for the boys in blue was the most obvious solution in the world.

" _No. The police won't be able to contain him and neither will Iron Heights. I'll take care of him. But Iris, you need to listen to me, and not selectively this time_."

It was hard to look him in the eye, with what he was doing to his face, but Iris did the best she could to show him that he had her undivided attention.

" _I need you to leave. The police are on their way, flag them down and tell them you escaped while we were fighting. But you can't tell them I took Tony. The only way to make sure he never hurts anyone again is to put him somewhere that can handle him, and what he is_."

Iris nodded her head, catching his drift. "Which I'm guessing isn't exactly legal, considering there's no prison on earth that's prepared for people like you and him. Except for wherever you have in mind."

Barry was finding it really hard to not to pull off his mask and reveal to Iris who the Streak really was. She had more than held her own against Tony, and she was smart enough to understand what he was asking of her, not missing a beat in accepting what he had to do for the good of the city. Joe may have thought she was some shrinking violet, who would be incapable of defending herself once she knew the truth, but she had proven that wasn't the case, as Barry knew she would. Still, Joe would never forgive him if he brought her into the fold without his approval and Barry kept his mask firmly on. He'd just have to remember this and use it as evidence the next time he and Joe argued over the subject of Iris.

" _We should both be gone by the time you lead the police back here. They'll think we ran off after the fire alarm went off, or that we nearly killed each other and left to lick our wounds. Whatever they decide to go with, don't refute it_. _And definitely don't put this part in your blog_."

She arched a delicate brow. "Oh, so now you're fine with me writing about you?" The other day, he'd tried to convince her to shut her site down, now it was like he was advocating for it.

" _I wouldn't say that... Your blog is what led Tony to you in the first place. But I know you're too stubborn to stop, no matter what I say. Just... try and be more careful in the future_. _Now go_."

There was more she wanted to say, to ask, but she knew that her father, Eddie and Barry had to be worried sick about her. She'd just have to bide her time patiently, until another opportunity presented itself. Without a word, Iris turned and ran down the hallway, to the double doors the Streak had blown off the hinges and disappeared into the night.

When Barry lost sight of her, he raised his good arm up, tapping on the earpiece in his mask with his fingers. "Cisco..." They were going to have to work fast, to clear the scene before the cops showed up, and S.T.A.R. Labs was on the other side of town.

"Don't worry, dude, we're already on the way. And FYI, Caitlin is _pissed_. So... have fun with that."

It hurt too much to laugh, so Barry settled for breathy chuckle. "Must be Tuesday."

 

* * *

 

There was a gentle knock on the door and Eddie swiveled his head around to stare at the door in confusion. It was almost midnight, and too late for people to just be dropping by for a visit. Pushing himself up off the couch, he padded over to the door and glanced through the peephole. Seeing Barry on the other side, Eddie opened the door halfway and leaned against the jamb, giving him an assessing look.

"What, no more magic?" He asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Hey, I said I'd knock the next time I showed up unannounced to surprise you. So this is me... knocking." Barry tapped at the door with a knuckle to illustrate his point.

Stepping aside, Eddie waved him in with a flourish and closed the door behind him. Flipping the lock into place, he made his way back to the couch, watching as Barry set down his messenger bag on the floor, and a shopping bag on the coffee table. He then sat down, hugging a throw pillow to his chest, a wide grin on his face and Eddie lifted a brow. "You're in a good mood."

"I am. I went to see iris, to make sure she was okay and we got to talking, and..."

Eddie smiled down at him, guessing before Barry even finished his sentence as to what had transpired once they put aside their differences and had an adult conversation. "You two made up." He was glad for them, and the fact that they would no longer be avoid each other like the plague. It reminded him too much of when he and Barry had been fighting, and though it had been bad between them, Eddie knew from experience that it was always worse when you fought with family.

Barry nodded, looking for all the world like an overeager puppy. "Not only that, she apparently beat the crap out of Tony, which was just icing on the cake." The real icing had been watching the blast door close on Tony's cell in the pipeline, but Iris punching him out ran it a close second.

Sitting down beside Barry, Eddie leaned back against the cushions and tipped his head to the side to peek over at him. "I heard. She's damn lucky she didn't break her hand, but it would have been a small price to pay for giving him what he deserved." He paused for a beat. "Any chance she's going to shut down her website, before the next crazy comes out of the woodwork?" Not that he would ever say it to her face, but Eddie agreed with Barry and Joe on the issue of her blog, that it was ridiculous and did nothing more than paint a target on her back. Yes, it made her happy and she enjoyed doing it, but the line had to be drawn somewhere.

"Not a chance in the world. If anything, she's just gonna redouble her efforts in making sure everyone believes the Flash exists."

Eddie snorted loudly. "The Flash? What happened to the Streak? Or the Blur, or whatever she was calling it."

Barry lifted a shoulder in an innocent shrug, flicking his eyes away briefly to keep from giving himself away. "Who knows? _But_... that's not why I'm here. Iris was giving me all the details of her trip down memory lane with Tony and she told me about how he got away, and that you guys weren't able to track him down. It got me thinking that unlike us, you probably wouldn't be in too good of a mood."

"Understatement of the year." Eddie said with a sigh, slumping into the cushions. He knew he should have wanted to collar Woodward simply because he'd broken multiple laws, but after hearing how he'd tortured Barry and kidnapping Iris, the case had become personal for him. Having Woodward slip through his fingers had been an insult on multiple levels, to his duty as a cop, to his obligation as a friend and most of all, his desire to be the boyfriend who put Barry's good for nothing bully behind bars, to metaphorically lock their pasts away, so they could move forward together, free of any of that old baggage.

"Which is why I'm here." Barry said cheerfully, patting Eddie's knee before leaning forward to grab the shopping bag. "I thought what better way to cheer you up than by rescheduling the date we missed for right now." Dropping the bag on Eddie's lap, Barry sat back with a smug sense of self-satisfaction, casually tossing his arm over the back of the couch.

Putting his hand over the bag, Eddie shook his head and shot him a pleading look. "No offense, Barry, but I'm not really feeling it tonight. Can we _re_ -reschedule and just... go to bed, get some sleep?" All he wanted to do now that he was here was curl up around Barry and hope that his presence would banish the feeling of being a failure that had been with him since clearing the elementary school.

Barry nodded slowly, sticking out his lower lip in the affectation of contemplation. "We could... _or_. We could go to bed and not get _any_ sleep." He spider walked his fingers over the bag, grabbing one of the little handholds to open it up and reveal the contents.

Furrowing his brow, Eddie dragged his gaze away from Barry, eyes flicking down to look in the bag. Eddie's heart skipped a beat, his throat suddenly going dry and he jerked his head back up to blink owlishly at him in disbelief. "You're serious?"

"I told you earlier. I _wasn't_ teasing." Barry pushed the bag off Eddie's lap and shifted to occupy the space the bag had vacated. Straddling Eddie, Barry positioned himself just so over his groin, draping his arms loosely about his neck. He peered down coyly into those wide blue eyes, leaning in until their lips were barely touching. "Are you feeling it now?"

 _Oh, I'm feeling something_ , Eddie thought, any plans he had for sleep blown away. Settling his hands on Barry's hips, fingers slipping under Barry's shirt to rub his skin lightly, he pulled him in for a bruising kiss, in lieu of an answer. All the heat and passion that had fueled their kiss in the lab was back with a vengeance, and Eddie moaned when Barry responded in kind, plying his mouth with his tongue. The taste of Barry, the smell of him, it pervaded Eddie's senses, an electric thrill obliterating higher thought as a primitive craving took over. Lapping at the hot, inviting cavern of his mouth, Eddie let out a deep growl and pushed Barry's shirt up to splay his hands across his back.

Rearing back, Barry crossed his arms in front of him, grasping the hem of his shirt to yank it off and flung it to the side with careless abandon. Chest heaving with anticipation, he watched as Eddie took in the sight of him shirtless, something he'd seen numerous times before, but this time had a different feel to it, and Eddie stared at him, as if seeing him in a new light. He shivered under the scrutiny, Eddie's gaze sending pleasurable tingles up his spine.

A shuddering breath escaped his lips as the tension built between them, and Eddie leaned forward to lick one of Barry's nipples, feeling it harden underneath the tip of his tongue. When Barry whimpered, fingers sliding into his short-cropped hair to hold him in place, Eddie smirked and focused his attentions on it. His teeth plucked at the nub, tugging it playfully before sealing his lips around the circumference to suckle on it obscenely.

Barry began rocking his hips in response, mumbling a stream of near incoherent curses and encouragements. He almost wished he'd never told Eddie about this particular weakness of his, as he had to start thinking about all manner of unpleasant things, to keep from getting too excited. Eddie refused to relent however, lips skating over his chest to shower his other nipple with affection and Barry dropped his head forward to bury his face in Eddie's blonde locks, moaning wanly, despite the horrors playing out in his mind's eye.

Eddie's hands roamed over Barry's back, nails scoring his flesh as he writhed above him and Eddie felt his pajamas bottoms become too snug for comfort, his arousal so immense that he thought he might burst out of them. Biting down on his nipple, Eddie flickered his tongue over the nub, eliciting another moan from Barry as he melted into him, arms shaking in ecstasy. He stopped when he felt Barry start to shake, not wanting to send him into an episode, and he released his nipple, kissing it gently. Freeing his head from the hold Barry had on it, Eddie drew him down to catch his lips in another kiss, slowly stoking the flames of their desire with a scorching intensity.

Allowing Eddie to apply the brakes until he'd calmed down some, they pawed at each other, Barry tugging at Eddie's shirt, urging him to take it off. He wanted to feel Eddie's bare chest pressed against his own and when he finally relented, Barry leaned back just long enough for Eddie to yank it over his head before sealing their mouths together once more.

The kiss became sloppy and uncoordinated and Eddie embraced him tightly, giving him the skin-on-skin contact that he craved, any thought of slowing things down was lost when they started bucking together, the couch groaning beneath them in protest of their frenetic thrusting. Their bodies became live-wires, conducting every touch, every slide of their tongues directly to their groins, where it pooled heavily, begging to be unleashed in the throes of their lust.

Burying his hands in Eddie's hair, Barry used the grip to tug his head back and tore away from those eager lips to kiss his way down the curve of his neck methodically, paying special attention to the erratic thrum of his pulse just beneath his deliciously salty skin. Mouthing at it lasciviously, he slurred a litany of sweetnothings into his heated flesh, going on about how gorgeous he was, flushed and panting, and about how much he wanted him. When his tongue found Eddie's suprasternal notch, Barry laved at it obscenely, before he was suddenly pushed away, his vision swaying wildly.

It felt like Barry was going to fall and he swore loudly, waiting for his back to hit the floor, but strong arms surrounded him, keeping him safe and secure. Clutching those arms as tightly as he could, he realized that they shift in gravity was due to the fact that Eddie had abruptly lunged off the couch, with him in tow. Feeling like he was in a romance movie as Eddie got to his feet, Barry wrapped his legs around Eddie's waist, in much the way he'd been dying to do earlier in his lab. Eddie never broke eye contact with him, staring up at him with naked love and lust, and Barry drank it all in, feeding it back to him as he was carried back through the apartment to the bedroom, the anticipation building into a crescendo that had them both breathless.

He knew he should have told Eddie the truth about him before they took this step, but for just one brief moment, Barry wanted to forget that he was a meta-human and be a normal person, shed of anything that made them something other than two people sharing a momentous first with the person they loved. Barry touched his fingertips to Eddie's cheek, he nudged their noses together and kissed him softly, making a promise to himself that he'd tell him later, after he'd had his moment of normalcy.

Heart hammering in his chest, Eddie crossed the threshold into the bedroom and deposited his precious cargo on the bed. Bracing his weight on his forearms, he covered Barry's body with his own and brushed their lips together, once, twice. Mouths falling open, Barry moaned quietly, tongue peeking out to meet Eddie's, the quivering muscles suspended in the air between for a brief moment before they twined slowly.

Sinking into the kiss, Eddie lifted his arm off the bed, snaking it between their bodies to tug at the button of Barry's jeans. After popping open with a flick of his wrist, his fingers moved to the zipper, and it was halfway down before he froze solid at the sound of Barry laughing. At first, it had been barely audible, but Barry started shaking and he tossed his head back, actually cackling, the sound of it echoing off the walls loudly. Frowning, Eddie pushed himself up and he stared down at Barry, perplexed, and not just a little hurt.

Mocking laughter was the one thing _no one_ ever wanted to hear when they were in bed with someone, and Eddie felt his arousal start to wane. "What? What did I do?" He asked, a little too sharply.

Barry shook his head and covered his mouth with a hand to muffle his laughter, his big blue eyes peering up at Eddie apologetically. "We forgot- we forgot to grab the bag!" He managed to choke out.

"Damn it!" Eddie shouted, wanting to kick himself for being too caught up in the moment to remember to grab it before hauling Barry into the bedroom. Levering himself off the mattress, Eddie stormed out of the room, cursing at himself as the gales of Barry's laughter followed him down the hallway and into the living room. Snatching the bag with the condoms and lubricant that Barry had purchased for them off the couch, he stormed back to the bedroom to find Barry with his arms thrown back behind his head, watching him with shit-eating grin. Eddie tossed him the bag and kicked the door shut.

He was really going to get it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The Flash_ thinks it's cornered the market on Superman jokes? Nah... _I_ got Superman jokes! There are _three_ references in this chapter and only _one_ of them was in the actual show. Brownie points to whoever spotted the other two. :D
> 
> Also, the random NSA flunkie is based on a friend of mine who works at the NSA. He's a huge perv and I couldn't in good conscience make a joke about government surveillance without including him.


	10. Awake and Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As _Power Outage_ seems to have taken place directly after _The Flash is Born_ , this follows suit, taking place the day after the events in the last chapter. As always, my work is un-beta'd and if you see any errors, please feel free to point and laugh.

Eddie lay gasping on the floor, his field of vision narrowing as the shock tried to send his mind into a hard reset. Somehow though, he managed to remain conscious, despite the massive amount of agony he was experiencing. Gritting his teeth as his brain flooded his body with pain-killing chemicals, the primitive fight-or-flight response kicked in, his body doing all it could to give him a chance to run away from the danger he'd gotten himself into.

It wasn't enough, however, the two bullet wounds producing more pain than Eddie's body could combat, and he choked out a feeble moan, feeling his limbs grow cold. Even if he could lever himself into an upright position to try and get away, there was nowhere safe for him to hide, and his efforts would only earn him another bullet, this time right between the eyes. He had no other choice but to lie there in the growing pool of his own blood, surrounded by his terrified coworkers, and Eddie found himself praying to whatever god would listen that the situation ended before they were forced to watch him die.

It was a sobering thought, knowing there was a good chance that he wouldn't survive. He'd spent years training for the eventuality, going to group meetings with department counselors on how to deal with death in the line of the duty, but everything he'd learned had gone right out the window as he started thinking that of course this would happen, when he now had more reason than ever to want to live.

 

* * *

 

Eddie slid his hands lazily up and down the smooth expanse of Barry's chest, feeling the rumble of his contented purr through his heated skin. Smile spreading across his face, he placed a kiss behind Barry's ear and sighed happily. "For some odd reason," Eddie murmured into his hair, nuzzling Barry gently, "I'm finding it very hard to get out of bed."

They'd already gotten up once earlier, sleepily using the bathroom and brushing their teeth before crawling right back into bed together, but now, propped up against the mound of pillows, with Barry firmly ensconced between his legs, back pressed against his chest as they lounged together comfortably, the motivation to move out from their warm nest once more was nowhere to be found. Eddie knew it was beyond cheesy, but after their first night together, all he wanted to do was ignore his responsibilities for a while, in favor of staying in bed with Barry, basking like a pair of overgrown cats in the rays of morning sunlight beaming through the slats of the window blinds. He would proudly admit to any amount of tackiness though, as long as it meant he could have as many moments like this with Barry in his arms. Getting teased for being a romantic was a small price to pay for being happy.

Barry tipped his head up and glanced at Eddie, eyes shimmering playfully in the sunlight. "You wanna be the one to tell Singh why we we're late? Not that I don't think snuggling is a perfectly valid excuse, but I'd rather not be the one to get _that_ earful." Eddie's reply was to dip his fingers just below the sheet tossed haphazardly over them, seeking revenge for his insolence and Barry closed his eyes, arching up into those exploring fingers with a hum. "Probably better off to call in sick..."

Nipping at the shell of his ear with a smirk, Eddie indulged Barry's little fantasy of taking a half-day for a few minutes, before letting out a world-weary sigh. "Pretty sure the both of us calling off would be a little suspicious." He abruptly pulled his hand out from under the sheet before it got them into more trouble than they could afford and clapped it against Barry's stomach. "I'll just blame _you_ , since you're always late anyway." Eddie tried to extricate himself from under Barry, who immediately went limp and started whining pathetically.

" _Nooo_... I'm comfy!" Barry flung his limbs out to trap Eddie underneath him, to keep him from escaping. "Stop moving and cuddle me, dammit. Or at least finish what you started, you cruel bastard."

Snorting at his persistence, Eddie relented and did as he was told, hand tracing down the lines of Barry's abdominal muscles, making him shiver. "Is this what I have to look forward to every morning?" He wasn't complaining about it, not at all, but if Barry was like this all the time, he'd have to start setting his alarm clock to go off earlier, to compensate for lost time fooling around.

Barry huffed through his nose and licked his lips in anticipation. "Generally, yeah. But you go as long as I have without sex and you'll understand why." Dancing around Eddie on the issue of sex while trying to figure out how to casually announce that he might experience seizure-like fits when aroused because of his speed had only made the waiting for it to finally happen worse. "You're just gonna have to knuckle under and suffer through it."

Kissing Barry's temple, Eddie gladly settled in for the long haul. Kicking the sheet aside to admire the view of Barry's naked body spread out before him, his hand roamed downward, to pick up right where he'd left off.

"Suffer..." He said, as Barry began writhing atop him, moaning wanly, " _right_."

 

* * *

 

He could hear Iris crying, audible under the sound of everyone's ragged breathing and Joe's voice as he tried to reason with Tockman, and it was too much for Eddie to bear. He tried to move his head, to look at her and show her that he was still alive -for now- but the blood loss had weakened him to the point where he had lost complete control over his body. Even if he could move, Eddie wasn't sure he could say anything, the pain in his chest making it hard for him to breath, let alone speak. The tourniquet Tockman had tied around his arm had kept him alive for this long, but it had only delayed the inevitable and he knew he was going to die without being able to say goodbye to the people he cared about the most.

Some perverse part of him wished that Barry had been in the building when Tockman had taken over, if only so he could hold him and see his face one last time. It wouldn't have been fair to Barry, to make him witness his boyfriend dying in his arms, or to have him carry around that weight for the rest of his life, but in his final moments, Eddie really didn't want to die alone.

Distantly, he heard Joe shouting and Iris fighting against someone, Tockman, and every fiber of his being was screaming at him to get up and fight, to save Iris, but all he could do was groan feebly in protest to whatever was going on.

Joe ripped his gaze away from Iris when he saw Eddie start struggling to move, and he felt his heart break, not only for Iris as she was dragged away by Tockman, but for Eddie. He was a good cop and a good boyfriend -though he had yet to admit the latter to either Eddie or Barry- and he didn't deserve to go out like this. All of them knew what they'd been getting into when they'd signed up for the force, but being prepared for the eventuality didn't make watching the life slowly drain out of him any less awful.

Pleading with Tockman, Joe shook his head. Iris may have been adamant that the Flash was going to show up eventually to save them, but unfortunately, Joe knew better. Barry was tapped out and would be unable to do anything to help their situation until he had his powers restored. They were regrettably on their own, and Joe had to quickly think of a way to slow Tockman down, to give them time for a miracle to happen, when something, a faint glimmer, caught his attention.

"Wait! Let her say goodbye!"

Tockman turned around to glare at Joe, hand like a vice on Iris' arm, holding her to him in case any one of them tried anything. He pointed the gun directly at her head, pressing the muzzle cruelly into her scalp, to remind them of the price they'd pay for attempting to stop him.

Once he had Tockman's attention, Joe let out a shaky breath. "This is her boyfriend lying here dying," He nodded toward Eddie in indication, ignoring the looks of utter confusion on everyone's faces, "and you and I both know that he's probably not going to make it. It was wrong that they didn't let you say goodbye to your sister. _Please_... I'm begging you. Give them what you couldn't have."

He may have been a lot of things, but a hypocrite certainly wasn't one of them. He very well couldn't take a precinct hostage, in retaliation for what he'd been denied, only to deny the same thing to someone else. The helicopter _had_ arrived early, giving them a window for a small bit of mercy, and having made up his mind, he pushed Iris forward to unlock her handcuffs. "You have _twenty_ seconds!"

Iris immediately rushed over to Eddie, falling to her knees beside him and clasped his face between her hands as gently as she could, a hard task considering how badly she was trembling. "Eddie! Eddie..." She had no earthly idea what her dad was trying to do by boldfaced lying to Tockman, but she knew he had to have something up his sleeve, and needed her to play a part in it. Leaning forward so her hair fell like a curtain around the two of them to give them some semblance of privacy, Iris gave Eddie a shake. "Eddie," She whispered, to keep her voice from carrying, "stay with me. You need to hold on, okay? Barry's out there waiting for you, so you need to _hold on_."

Blinking up at her as his vision started to go dark around the edges, Eddie managed a watery grin. Maybe he wouldn't have to die alone after all, and as a helicopter flew by, the glow from the searchlight caught in Iris' hair, making her look just like an angel, there to comfort him before he took his last breath. "Tell..." He coughed, trying to clear away the blood in his throat, "Tell Barry I'm sorry... and that I-"

"No, _stop_. You're gonna live, Eddie. You just have to be strong. Can you do that for me? For Barry?" Iris peeked over at Tockman, seeing that he was watching them like a hawk, and she steeled her nerve before bending down to kiss Eddie. Feeling how cold his lips were, Iris choked back her guilt, tears slipped down her cheeks, knowing she would never be able to look Barry in the eye again if Eddie died, his last memory that of kissing someone other than the person he loved.

Eddie struggled to nod his head as Iris pressed their lips together. Just because it seemed like he was going to die didn't mean he couldn't go out fighting. If he last act could save the hostages and put Tockman back behind bars, he _had_ to do it. Not just for himself and everyone else, but for Barry as well, so he could be proud of the fact that he hadn't gone out quietly, like a _true_ hero.

"Ankle holster..." He murmured into her lips.

Iris froze, the words sending a chill down her spine. _Of course_ , she thought. Tockman had relieved everyone of their weapons before handcuffing them, but he'd forgotten to check Eddie after shooting him, mistakenly thinking he'd no longer be a problem. Keeping their mouths firmly slotted together, to keep up the pretense of their last goodbye, Iris surreptitiously reached down the length of Eddie's body, hand searching blindly for what could very well be their salvation.

 

* * *

 

"So, as far as first times go... how would you say that rates?" Eddie asked lightly, running his thumb along the inside of Barry's palm. "Not that I'm fishing," He added quickly, realizing how desperate the question had sounded, "I... if there was anything you didn't like, or-"

Barry lifted his head from where it had been resting in the crook of Eddie's shoulder and stared at him flatly. " _For real_? Did _anything_ about the first time make you think I _didn't_ like it? Because I'm pretty sure if it had been _that_ bad, I wouldn't have stayed for the second round. _Or_ that little encore."

"Okay, okay, I get it, good times were had by all." Pride swelling in his chest, Eddie gave him a placating grin, drawing in their clasped hands to kiss Barry's fingers apologetically. "I've hopped into bed with people it turned out I wasn't sexually compatible with before and I just wanted to make sure you enjoyed it as much as I did." It was something he'd been afraid of, as they circled closer and closer toward finally having sex, and Eddie was relieved to know that they apparently had no problems in that area.

Naturally, they'd have to do a lot more studying, through lots of trial and error and experimentation, but he was sure they'd both be more than willing to go through the slow process of discovering what worked and what didn't, finding their erogenous zones, unearthing all their hidden kinks.

" _Definitely_ ," Barry said reassuringly, "and I mean that. Believe me, I've had my fair share of bad sex before, so I know how you feel." He'd never felt so awkward in his life, lying in bed next to a person he'd disappointed, or had been disappointed by, trying to think of a way to escape as quickly as he could without being impolite. "But you don't have to worry, because... wow. I mean, that thing you did with your tongue?" Barry made an explosion sound with his mouth. "Consider my world _rocked_."

Eddie chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Stop it."

"No, I'm serious. You've maneuvered your way to the top of my list of best sex I've ever had with a guy."

"Just for guys? I'm not the best sex you've ever had in your _whole_ life?" Eddie's jaw dropped, pretending to be shocked by the revelation. "I'm wounded."

"Hey, to be fair... it _is_ kinda comparing apples to oranges. Girls have boobs and boobs are just _so_ awesome and I'm gonna shut up now, before I dig myself right into another hole." At the rate he kept running his mouth off when it came to Eddie, Barry was sure he was one day going to find that he'd dug himself straight to China.

Snorting loudly, Eddie shook his head and glanced down at Barry. "It's okay, I know. You're fine, no holes. At least not this time."

"Wait, you _know_? Have you..." Propping his elbow on the mattress to push himself up, he looked Eddie square in the eye. "Have you slept with women before?"

"Yes, Barry, I _have_ had sex with women before. Well, wo _man_. Singular. One."

"Oh... this is gonna be good." Rolling off Eddie, Barry swung around to sit crossed legged on the bed in front of him and waited impatiently while Eddie shifted against the pillows.

Offering his hands to Barry, they laced their fingers together and Eddie took a centering breath, diving into a past he hadn't thought about in a long time.

"She was my best friend at school. She was my friend when no one else wanted to be around me, unless it was to kick my ass. Even after I lost all the weight and gained some self-confidence, she stuck around, saying I needed someone to keep me humble. She used to tell me that just because I turned into a pretty boy, that it didn't give me permission to act like a dick, like all the other pretty boys. I loved her, in the way you love Iris. But... I was still grappling with my sexuality. And you gotta remember, this was back when Massachusetts had _just_ legalized same-sex marriage and everyone was losing their minds over it. In the months leading up to the decision, my father had been rallying his constituents against it, jumping on the constitutional amendment bandwagon to ban it entirely."

"Conservative?" Barry asked, taking a wild guess.

"Big time social conservative. Naturally, he liked to parade around his perfect nuclear family when he made his speeches, and all I could do while listening to him was think that everything I wanted was wrong. So... with senior prom coming up, I asked her to be my date, because everyone knows that prom is the best chance to get laid, no matter who you are. I thought that if I finally had sex, with a girl I really cared about, I'd realize I was just confused about what I wanted and I could finally be normal. We went out, we had a great time and this guy we knew was throwing an after-party, so she got us an invite. After a few beers, we found a room and... did the deed."

Barry wanted to laugh at the use of the archaic phrase but Eddie was being serious with him, so he squashed the urge and nodded his head solemnly for Eddie to go on.

"It wasn't awful, but... I knew it wasn't right. Afterward, I broke down and apologized to her, which is what _every_ girl wants, a guy sobbing in her arms after sex. Luckily for me, she understood completely and said she didn't hate me, even after I told her I used her as a... trial run. She even," Eddie laughed, eyes drifting to the side in remembrance, "she even stood beside me when I came out to my parents."

"Oh... how did _that_ go?"

"Horribly." Eddie said frankly. "My mom was supportive, but my dad? He went ballistic on all three of us, there was a huge fight... and it ended up destroying my parents' marriage. They were divorced within a year and it was this whole big mess in court. Got his name dragged through the mud in the papers, which was kind of funny. Turned out that to the voters in my town, _wholesome family_ meant not turning your back on your wife and kids just because your son was gay."

"Eddie, I... I'm _so_ sorry."

"No, no, don't be." Eddie said, managing a disarming smile. "It was for the best." It truly had been, though at the time, it hadn't seemed like it. His mother had told him numerous times during and after the divorce that he should never blame himself for what had happened, that he shouldn't be ashamed of who he was. It had taken a long time for him to stop hating himself but with the support of his mother and Mallory, he'd eventually worked through it, and now, he was happier than he'd ever been.

Smiling a sad smile, Barry released Eddie's hands and leaned over to pull him into a hug. They held each other in a moment of silence, Eddie taking solace in his embrace and when they broke apart, Barry caressed his cheek, placing a soft peck on his lips. "So what happened with your friend?" He asked, thumb rubbing at Eddie's stubble tenderly.

"After graduation, we went off to different colleges and with the distance, we eventually just drifted apart." Eddie sighed in remorse. "Last I heard, she was doing well, living near Coast City with her family. I didn't get a chance to make it to our ten-year reunion though, since I was too busy watching over this weird kid in a coma, but- _ow_!"

He flinched away from Barry, who had yanked his hand away to slap his arm. "That's what you get!" Barry crowed, slapping him again.

Laughing, he fell back on the bed as Barry continued batting at him, and Eddie grabbed for his wrists, to pull him off balance. They started roughhousing, flailing about madly on the bed as they tried to pin each other down, tickling and pinching anywhere they could reach, to get the other to submit. Barry may have been quick and slippery as a snake, but Eddie outweighed him in sheer muscle mass, a fact that he used to his advantage by collapsing on top of him once he had him down, stretching out like a starfish to keep him from moving.

He attempted to wiggle out from underneath him, but Eddie refused to relent and Barry finally gave up, sighing heavily from exertion. "Fine, you win. You're bigger and stronger and prettier than the weird coma kid."

Grinning, Eddie tipped his head up and kissed Barry under his chin. "Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend like that. I just might be inclined to defend his honor by tossing you around a little more."

Catching their breaths, they laid there for a while huffing and puffing, and Barry began to think about the enormity of what Eddie had told him, how open he'd been about a dark time in his life. He'd been willing to lay himself bare, and Barry knew he needed to do the same, to return Eddie's honesty with a gesture of his own. Barry just hoped that in doing the right thing, Eddie wouldn't end up hating him forever.

"Eddie," He started quietly, after plucking up the courage to confess all, "There's something-"

He was cut off Eddie's cellphone ringing, skating across the nightstand as it vibrated and Barry sighed. Picking it up, he handed it over and Eddie pushed himself up before answering. 

"Thawne. Yes, sir, I know. Yes, sir, I'm sorry." There was a pause and Eddie looked to Barry, lips twitching as he fought to keep from smiling. "Yes, sir, he is. Oh. Where?" Eddie nodded, taking a mental note while sliding his hand up Barry's leg, fingers ghosting along the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. "Mmh-hmm. Yes, I know where that is." He watched as Barry's head fell back against the pillows with a gasp, stomach muscles quivering as he was teased mercilessly. "Yes, we'll be right there."

Disconnecting, Eddie tossed his phone on the mattress and took his hand back, which earned him another plaintive whine. "C'mon, there's a body and Singh needs us on the scene." He scooted off the bed and stood up, throwing his arms out as he yawned widely.

"Ugh, I hate you." Barry said with a scowl, though honestly, with three orgasms in less than twelve hours, going for a fourth would just be greedy. "How did Singh even know I was here?" He asked, getting up and reaching for his clothes, which were strewn across the floor.

"Do you forget that you work with cops, who spend _every_ day putting evidence together?" Eddie asked, padding into the bathroom and turning the tap on. "I am never late, whereas you are _always_ late. When I didn't show up on time, he correctly put two and two together."

"Right... because lateness is obviously a sexually transmitted disease." He replied sardonically, gathering up his clothes to put them on, even though he knew he very well couldn't show up to work in the same outfit he'd worn the day before. "Hey, I'm gonna run home real quick and grab some clean clothes."

Eddie said something unintelligibly through the bathroom door and shaking his head wryly, Barry shuffled toward the bathroom, pushing the door open to find Eddie washing his face. "What?" He asked, over the sound of running water.

Reaching for a hand towel, Eddie cleaned himself off and turned to face Barry, leaning his hip against the sink. "I asked if you wanted to wait until I could drive you by your place, so you wouldn't have to do the walk of shame."

Barry snorted, not ashamed of anything they'd done, and even if he had been, he knew he'd be going too fast for anyone to get a good look at him. "Thanks, but no. I think I'll manage just fine. I'll see you later?"

Nodding his head, Eddie stepped in close and planted a kiss on Barry's cheek, handing winding around his narrow frame to palm his butt, giving it a firm squeeze.

"To be continued..."

 

* * *

 

"Quickly!" Tockman said, becoming impatient with waiting around, his tightly kept schedule in danger of being blown off track. "Time and tide wait for no man."

"You said you'd let her say goodbye, so do it!" Joe cried, desperately trying to by Iris a little more time. Tockman backed off with a frustrated growl and Joe exhaled in relief. Turning his gaze back to Iris and Eddie, he waited on tenterhooks for her to grab Eddie's backup piece while Tockman wasn't looking. Joe closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer for her, for _all_ of them.

Lips on Eddie's, Iris popped the leather strap of the holster open and wrapped her fingers around the gun. She tried to keep her movements natural, to keep from tipping Tockman off as she tucked the gun into her sleeve, and when he abruptly yanked her up, she thought for sure she'd been discovered. "Eddie!" Iris cried, heart racing in her chest, but instead of wresting the gun from her, Tockman pulled her toward the stairs, taking her up to the roof. It all came down to her, to save everyone, to save herself, and she scrambled to tamp down on the fear, eyes darting over to her father in what she hoped wasn't the last time.

"Dad!"

" _Iris_!"

 

* * *

 

Barry all but sped into the hospital room, remembering at the last possible second that he needed to apply the brakes. He couldn't allow his distress to make him stupid and blowing his cover by blasting into the room anxiously was the definition of stupid. Hand shaking around the bouquet of flowers he'd purchased from the gift shop, Barry sucked in a breath before walking in. His eyes immediately landed on Eddie and Barry thought his knees were going to buckle. He knew from Iris' messages that Eddie was alive and well, but actually seeing it for himself, it was like a punch to the gut.

Eddie seemed in good spirits for someone who'd recently come out of surgery and he was holding Iris' hand like a lifeline, staring up at her with a dopey expression of adoration. When Joe and Iris looked around when they heard him come in, and a wide grin spread across Eddie's face when he followed their gazes to see him standing there.

"Barry! Look, he brought me flowers. That's so _nice_! Isn't he the best?" He asked, glancing up at Iris imploringly, wanting her to see how great Barry was, and a giggle escaped his lips.

Giddier than Barry had ever before seen him, it dawned on him that Eddie had obviously been loaded up on painkillers and was coasting on an incredible high. Iris, however, was far from giddy, glowering at him so intently, he thought his head might explode from the malevolent force of it. Under the heat of her death glare, Barry sheepishly placed the vase of flowers on Eddie's bedside tray, as though it were a peace offering.

" _Where were you_?" She hissed angrily. "I must have called you a _hundred_ times!"

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Barry shrugged a shoulder, giving her his best beaten puppy look. "I know, I'm sorry. I got stuck at S.T.A.R. Labs when the power went out. I was gonna leave, but Dr. Wells thought if they had their computers back online, they could find the source of the outage and help restore power, so I stayed to help them get their backup generators running."

As he'd gotten more adept at lying, he'd learned that is was best to inject a little truth into the lies, to make them more palatable, and it had the desired effect, Iris' features softening as her anger dissipated. "Oh."

"It's okay. The second I heard about Eddie, I raced right over." He moved to the side of the bed, running his hand up Iris' arm. "Are you okay? I heard about what you and Tockman." He asked quietly, and Iris gave him a tiny nod, releasing Eddie's hand to brush her hair behind her ear, a motion Barry knew was a nervous tic.

"I'm fine, Barry. I did what I had to do, to keep him from getting away." She'd been counting on the Flash to make an appearance, but when he hadn't, all that could be done was to take matters into her own hands, with an assist from her dad's quick thinking and Eddie's gun. It mostly just a blur to her, and all she could really remember was the loud report from the gun before she'd found herself sitting on the stairs with her father, his gentle voice telling her that everything would be okay.

Barry offered her a supportive smile and he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. "You're a hero, Iris. Just remember that."

Iris grinned and hugged him back, his words reminding her of what the Flash had said to her at the school.

"And you're my hero, too, for helping save Eddie."

"She kissed me." Eddie chimed in, giggling like a loon as he wriggled around on the bed. "It was _weird_!"

"You _what_?!" Barry cried in bewilderment, pushing Iris back, glancing from her to Eddie.

Joe chuckled at the scene before him, Barry looking scandalized while Iris looked like she wanted to sink right into the floor. Scrubbing at his goatee, Joe's mouth turned up in a rueful smile. "That would be my fault." He said, holding up hand, to get some of the heat off Iris.

Barry's eyes threatened to roll out of his head. "Whaa...?"

"Hey, I saw an opportunity and I took it." Joe said evenly, trying to keep Barry calm. "Eddie still had his backup piece on him and the only way to get it was for Tockman to think Iris was Eddie's girlfriend. And he fell for it, thankfully. Iris really sold it."

Iris narrowed her eyes at her father. "Thanks for throwing me under the bus, dad!"

Joe laughed as Barry moved to the bed, worming an arm under Eddie's head, hugging him the best he could, a look of mock horror on his face. "First my Nintendo DS, then my bike, now my _boyfriend_?"

Iris huffed derisively. "I did _not_ -" Cutting herself off, she threw her hands in the air. "Nope, not getting into this... I need some coffee. I'll leave you to your dramatics." She left the room in a huff, and as soon as she was out of sight, Barry leaned down to drop a possessive kiss on Eddie's lips.

"You're gonna be okay, Eddie," He told him, petting Eddie's hair, the humor leaving his voice as the enormity of what he'd almost lost once more, "You'll be just fine..."

Eddie snickered and kissed him back. "Apples and oranges." He said, cracking up once more.

Barry felt the urge to smack his palm against his forehead in disbelief that of all things Eddie remembered in his drug-addled state, it was _that_.

"Yeah, they _really_ overdid it with the morphine..." Joe muttered mostly to himself, shaking his head. Still, if he had to choose between Eddie in pain and him being high as hell, the latter would win out every time. He observed Eddie and Barry in contemplative silence, watching how tender and caring Barry was being, stroking Eddie's hair while trying to get a coherent answer from him about how he was feeling.

He noticed that the turmoil Barry had been mired in after losing his powers was gone, the line of tension in his shoulders gone as well, and on a whim, Joe reached out, slowly sliding the vase off the tray table. In the blink of an eye, Barry was at his side, holding the vase carefully in his hands. Joe grinned at him in awe and in pride. "You're back."

Eddie goggled at the pair of them. "Did you guys see that?" He whispered conspiratorially, eyes darting wildly around the room.

Joe clapped a hand on his leg and smiled down at him. "You're just seeing things, partner. You're _really_ high, remember?"

After a beat, Eddie grinned again. "Oh, yeah. I _forgot_!" He started laughing again, and Joe peeked over at Barry, arching a brow as if to ask him _this is the guy you're crazy about_? Not that Joe hadn't grown to care for him himself, as more than just a partner. Joe had learned to trust Eddie with his life, and now he was learning to trust him with Barry's heart. After being lied to about his relationship with Barry -though he'd already had his suspicions- he had cooled on him considerably. Especially since Eddie had seemed compelled to over share on things Joe  _didn't_  need, or want, to know about. Constantly. Barry and Eddie were obviously made for each other, because neither one of them seemed to be able to control their mouths when talking about the other. It'd be funny, if it wasn't so unsettling. There were some things a father just _didn't_ need to know.

He knew Eddie was just trying to get on his good side, and Joe had to give him points for making the effort to prove he was worthy of Barry, even if he taunted Eddie mercilessly in his more confessional moments, staring intently while making idle threats about taking him for a drive to the outskirts of the city, until he wisely shut his mouth. But seeing Eddie bleed out in front of him, all the ire and aggravation had vanished in a puff of smoke, replaced with the desire for him to live, if only so Barry didn't have to lose yet another person he cared about.

Fortunately for them all, Iris had stopped Tockman, Eddie had gotten the medical attention he needed, Barry had regained his powers, and all of them would live to fight another day. And maybe he'd get to live right along with them, Joe thought wryly, if his heart didn't give out from all the constant excitement.

 

*~*~*

 

After he'd had his private talk with Iris as the Flash, and both she and Joe had left for the night, Barry carefully climbed onto the tiny bed with Eddie, minding the various wires attached to him. It took a few tries before he found a position that worked, Barry resting partially on his side, hand resting on Eddie's chest as Eddie stared at him in wonder.

"You're beautiful, you know." Eddie said, lifting his hand to touch Barry's face reverently. Still slightly uncoordinated, he accidentally whacked Barry with the pulse monitor clamped to his finger and he couldn't help but collapse into another fit of laughter.

Chuckling at his antics, Barry guided Eddie's hand to cheek, kissing the inside of his palm softly and once Eddie got control of himself, he breathed out contentedly. "You're beautiful, you know."

"I know. You just told me."

"Did I?" He asked, not really recalling. He'd lost all linear grasp of time, Barry's presence the only thing anchoring him to reality, wobbly though it was.

"You did. And you're not so bad looking yourself." He was a little pale, even after all the blood the doctors had given him, his eyes a little too bright against the pallor, but Eddie was still handsome as ever, and all Barry wanted to do was gaze lovingly at him, trying hard not to think of how close he'd come to never seeing his face again. He didn't want to remember the terror he'd felt in those scant few seconds between one of Iris' many voice messages, telling him Eddie had been shot but that he was all right. In the space of a breath, he'd been so utterly terrified, before relief had washed over him at her reassurance that Eddie would make a full recovery. Barry scooted his head across the pillow and bumped their noses together.

Eddie hummed happily and closed his eyes, the cocktail of drugs in his system making him sleepy, now that he wasn't as hopped up as he'd been earlier when his room had been full, all the voices needing his constant attention. He nuzzled Barry's face gently, feeling his grasp on consciousness start to loosen. "There was something I wanted to tell you..."

"If it's that I'm beautiful, you already told me."

"No, not that. But you are beautiful, by the way. You've got these big blue eyes, and these freckles all over that I just want to kiss all the time." Eddie pried his eyes open and saw that Barry was peering over at him like he was the most precious treasure in the world. His heart thumped in his chest at being looked at with such affection and he wished he could remember what it was that he needed to tell Barry. It had seemed so important before, but it had gotten lost in the haze of _really_ good drugs. "I can't remember..." He said pitifully.

Barry shook his head. "It's okay, Eddie. There was something I was gonna tell you, too, but it can wait until you're not stoned out of your skull."

Lips pulling back to reveal his brilliantly white smile, Eddie leered at Barry. "I _am_ pretty high right now." He gasped when he realized something, his expression morphing into one of surprise. "We could have sex right now, and it would be _amazing_."

Barry gaped at him, utterly floored by the suggestion. "No. No, that is an incredibly _bad_ idea. Not after you've just been shot. The nurses would kill me! Besides... can you even get it up right now?"

Scrunching his face up, Eddie tried forcing his brain to reconnect to the rest of his body, but he had such luck in getting anything to work. Giving up, he shook his head against the pillow. "No..." He replied sadly.

"That's what I thought. Probably best to just cuddle instead, until the nurses throw me out. Would you like that?"

Eddie nodded, wiggling closer to Barry, thought it was still a tight fit, lying together on the single person bed. They made due, though, Eddie curling up in Barry's warm embrace, and they closed their eyes, simply basking in each other's presence, just happy to be alive.

After a while, Eddie hummed into his chest. "I love you, Barry." He said, mouth opening up in a jaw cracking yawn, and Barry smiled down at him warmly.

"I love you, too, Eddie." He whispered, heart fluttering in his chest as he wondered if Eddie would actually remember that he'd said it this time around. If not, he was sure it would come up again. Barry thought it was best to jog his memory sooner rather than later, however, because if losing his powers and the incident at the precinct had taught him anything, it was that no matter how long they thought they had together, all of it could be ripped away in an instant, making fools of them both.

Barry rubbed his hand over Eddie's back, listening to the monitor beep with every beat of his heart, and Barry was content to just have that for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They say "write what you know" and what I know is that Eddie's experience -give or take a few details- is what my best friend went through in school, when he was coming to terms with his sexuality in the late 90s/early aughts, at a time when acceptance was low. I needed to leave myself some wiggle room lineage wise, given the reveal that Wells is Eobard Thawne and that the show has never mentioned Eddie having siblings, but I didn't want to use a plot device without lending any truth or humanity to it. It's not meant to be indicative of everyone's LGBT story or meant to be reductive to anyone's struggle with their sexuality. It's just one man's story that I knew I could draw from to create a sense of realism, instead of giving you, the reader, something fake and not from the heart.
> 
> That being said, I hope you liked the schmoop in this chapter, because the next one is _Flash vs. Arrow_ and EVERYTHING goes downhill after that. Cheers!


	11. Stumble You Might Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot stress this enough... Once Barry gets whammied, his thought processes are going to change radically. There will be no logic to what he does or how he thinks, and therefore, I have to write him without using any logic. Just his anger. So basically, he is all kinds of OOC!

There was something about his powers that Barry had begun to loathe.

After spending most of his life running slower than everyone else, he definitely loved being able to speed around as fast as he could, even if somehow, he still managed to be beyond fashionably late wherever he went. Using that ability to save people, to help the citizens of Central City, who were under constant threat from both common criminals and the meta humans who used their powers to do harm, was incredible.

Every new skill he learned to overcome his enemies, every mistake that led to a personal catharsis, every experience in being part of a team that worked daily to achieve something greater than themselves, not only did it drive him to do better with each encounter he found himself it, but he knew that one day, once he'd reached the pinnacle of his powers, he would use them to finally find a way to free his father from prison. It may have burden at times, carrying that weight of his new responsibilities around on his shoulders, but Barry wouldn't trade what had happened to him for all the world.

Except for _one_ thing. His ability to heal from nearly any wound, at an alarming rate.

It had come in handy numerous times, literally saving his life, when others would have normally succumbed to the injuries, and Barry was more than thankful for it. But when it kept him from enjoying a good sex limp, that particular ability became somewhat of an annoyance.

He knew how much he _personally_ liked it when he got to watch Eddie shift his gait while walking, or sit down daintily after a mind-blowing night, but when the role was reversed, after a few hours, Barry was incapable of returning the favor, and it was starting to bum him out. Eddie had yet to wonder aloud how it possible for him to get up the next day and move around like he'd not been thoroughly plowed into the mattress, though Barry could sometimes see the unspoken question in his eyes when he caught Eddie staring at him the morning after.

It wasn't exactly something a person could fake either, so Barry found himself actually grateful that Eddie was recovering from his gunshot wounds. It was an awful thought to have, as he'd never been more scared for Eddie than after hearing he'd been shot, but giving his body a chance to heal meant he had to take it easy, both in and out of bed. Eddie had been riding a desk while waiting to be cleared for field duty, was doing physical therapy for his arm and shoulder instead of working up a sweat at the gym, and had to let Barry take the reins between the sheets.

Now that Eddie was feeling much better, however, and was working cases with Joe again, he'd spent the night vigorously repaying Barry for taking care of him -sometimes on hand and foot, especially those first days when he'd been loaded to the gills on pain meds and couldn't even bathe himself without assistance, lest he suffer an ignominious death by drowning in the tub- and for helping him out around the apartment.

It was that vigor that had Barry lying in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling, missing the familiar, deep ache of having had fantastic sex. The alarm clock went off beside his head and an arm shot out over him to hit the snooze bar. After a few swats, the beeping stopped and before Barry knew what was happening, Eddie rolled on top him, sleepily nuzzling his neck.

"G'morning." He purred, nipping at his skin and Barry sniggered softly at the attention.

" _Someone's_ in a good mood."

"Is there some reason why I shouldn't be?" Eddie asked, lifting himself up to gaze down at Barry, a warm, teasing smile on his face.

"Well, it _is_ ridiculously early and we _were_ up ridiculously late." Barry replied, running his hands down Eddie's sides. "That's a good reason."

Eddie rolled his eyes. He'd been up just as late as Barry, and he felt fine. Better than fine, actually. "You're just not a morning person. Not yet, anyway..." Waggling his eyebrows, he leaned down to kiss Barry, who started laughing and pushed him away roughly.

"Gah, morning breath!" He cried, turning his head away until his face was half buried in the pillow. "Get away from me!"

Shaking his head, Eddie relented with a mock sigh and got his knees under him so he could get up. "Fine. I have to get ready anyway, or I'm gonna be late getting to the gym."

Barry realized he was about to lose his main source of warmth and had begun whining like an abandoned puppy, when his phone buzzed on the nightstand, distracting him. If someone was texting him this early, it had to be important, and as Eddie climbed out of bed, Barry wiggled out from under him, crawling to the other side of the bed to grab his phone.

As he slid his thumb across the screen, Eddie playfully smacked his butt and Barry craned his head around to glare at him, highly unamused. Eddie just laughed at him and grabbed the undershirt and button down off the chair he'd thrown them on the night before. "What's up?" He asked, nodding at Barry's phone.

"Oh, nothing. I've got an alert set up for Iris' blog and someone just posted a new photo of the Flash." He tapped on the photo and held the phone out for Eddie to see.

"That blur?" Eddie looked away and began buttoning up his shirt. "How does she know it's not Photoshopped? How can she know that _anything_ on her blog hasn't been faked?"

Barry exhaled a laugh, recognizing the irony in him about to defend Iris' blog, after all the effort he'd put in to trying to discourage her from keeping it up and running. "You've seen _my_ Facebook page, right? You don't have to believe in _all_ the crap people post... you sift through it all to find the _one_ thing that could be real. It keeps life interesting, knowing that there's still so much amazing stuff to discover out in the world. Besides, haven't you ever believed in anything you couldn't explain away?"

"Mmh, I believe in what I can see." Moving to kneel on the mattress, Eddie leaned in and ran a gentle finger down Barry's arm. "What I can touch... what I can _feel_. I believe in you." He leaned forward and nudged his nose against Barry's, not missing the way he appeared to melt at the sweet words. Smiling tenderly at him, Eddie gazed deeply into his eyes. "And I believe in _us_."

It was a good thing Barry was still in bed, because if he'd been standing, his legs might have gone out from underneath him after hearing the naked emotion in Eddie's voice. Phone slipping from his hand, Barry brushed their lips together. Taking that as his cue, Eddie swept him into a kiss, and though a part of Barry knew it was wrong to not let Eddie in on his secret after _that_ admission, he didn't want to ruin such a perfect moment. To repay his ardent belief in them with the truth would crush Eddie, and not for the first time, Barry swore to himself that he'd tell him soon, whenever he managed to find the right time.

Without warning, Eddie pulled away, his face scrunched up. "Morning breath." He said, backing up off the bed so he could go brush his teeth, to rid himself of the sour taste in his mouth.

"Told you." Barry replied flippantly at Eddie's retreating back. "At least it's _one_ thing I've told you..." He muttered under his breath, heart sinking as he picked the phone up from the sheets to look at the picture of himself on Iris' blog.

 

* * *

 

Staring into Singh's office as Eddie talked emphatically to the captain, Barry watched them intently, chewing on his lower lip in contemplation. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear Iris come up from behind him, and he jumped slightly in surprise when she spoke up.

"What's all that about?" She asked, pointing at Eddie, who was smoothing down his tie in a nervous gesture as Singh said something to him, something he obviously didn't like hearing.

Wide-eyed, he looked around wildly, wondering how long she'd been standing there right next him. "Uh... I think Eddie is trying to convince the captain that the Flash is a public menace." And boy, did _that_  ever sting. All he ever did was try to help the people of the city, but because of one meta human, Eddie was more than eager to hunt down a person he before didn't even think existed. He thought he could have handled the idea better if it were some other detective or officer leading the charge against him, but no, it just _had_ to be his boyfriend. There was no way Barry could confess his secret now, not when Eddie was bound and determined to see him in a jail cell.

Iris narrowed her eyes, her expression darkening, and when the door to Singh's office opened as Eddie and Joe let themselves out, she all but launched herself at Eddie, like a ravenous wolf on weak prey. Sensing that it wasn't going to be pretty, Barry found an empty chair and sat down to watch the carnage, glad he wasn't on the receiving end for once. It wasn't often he got to be on the other side of Iris' anger and the part of him that was hurt at Eddie's efforts wished he had a bucket of popcorn to go with the show.

"I have spent _months_ trying to convince everyone that the Flash exists, and now that you _finally_ believe he's real, the first thing you wanna do is  _arrest_ him? What the hell?!" She exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and giving him an arch look.

Eddie blinked at her, having not expected such ire from her, and he glanced at Barry over Iris' shoulder. "Thanks, Barry." He said sarcastically and Barry offered him a feeble grin in apology. Sighing, he turned his gaze back at Iris. "You can relax, the captain shot me down." He told her, though he knew it wouldn't do anything to quell her anger at him. Just knowing that he'd asked in the first place was more than enough to be on her shit-list. Lowering his hands to his belt loops, Eddie readjusted his slacks and suppressed a groan when Iris continued to give him the evil eye. "Look, I'm not feeling like lunch. I'll see you two later."

He'd actually been looking forward to going out with Iris and Barry to grab something eat, until the thought of being berated by Iris for an hour had made him queasy. It would remind him too much of the family dinners he'd had growing up and even with Barry there to keep him grounded, there was no way he could eat anything without making himself sick. Eddie quickly sidestepped Iris, not even looking at Barry as he walked out of the bullpen in a huff.

Iris turned watch him go and scoffed in disgust. "He's just jealous."

"Of the Flash?" Barry asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. "Why would he be?"

"Come on, Barry, you're supposed to be the smart one. All around the country, public trust of the police is at an all-time low and out of nowhere, here comes a guy that is not only doing their job better than they are, but he's bringing hope to people all over the city. That's gotta hurt his pride a little."

"Ah..." That was just great. It added another problem to the already complicated equation and Barry was beginning to think he'd never be able to tell Eddie about himself. When he thought about Eddie putting him in handcuffs, it usually took place in his daydreams, and had nothing to do with being taken in on charges of vigilantism by his boyfriend, who believed the presence of the Flash was a threat to his job, or the standing of the police force.

Barry found himself glad that Eddie had abruptly canceled their lunch plans, as he wasn't sure he could maintain his composure, sitting next to the man gunning for his head. It was his fault, though, for letting things go as long as they had, constantly putting it off for some excuse or another, and this was what he got for all his hemming and hawing.

He knew he needed to do something about the matter, somehow devise a plan to gently inform Eddie he was the Flash, to head off the imminent disaster of being arrested by him, but no matter which way Barry looked at it, even in a best case scenario, he was utterly doomed. And there was no one to blame for it but himself.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Eddie walked into Jitters and before he'd even taken two steps toward the counter, Iris appeared at his side. He hadn't seen her standing anywhere near the door and he raised his eyebrows at her in surprise, wondering when she'd become a ninja. Her eyes were sparkling brightly, a giddy expression on her face and she grabbed his arm, fingers tightening like a vice around it as she dragged him a few paces to the side.

"Morning." He said warily, glad she was apparently no longer mad at him, but it didn't stop him from wondering what the hell was wrong with her, and why she was suddenly in such a good mood.

"Did _you_ know that Barry knew Oliver Queen?" She blurted, nearly stumbling over the words in her rush to get them out.

The question had come straight out of left field and Eddie continued to stare at her like she'd gone mental. "No...?" He wormed out of Iris' grip and rubbed at his arm. " _Does_ he know Oliver Queen?"

Iris answered by turning toward the array of tables set up on the main floor and pointed toward the back, where Barry was talking with none other than Oliver Queen. They were standing close together, discussing something that appeared to be fairly serious and Eddie completely understood now why Iris was acting the way she was. Even this far back, it was a strange thrill, just being in the same room with a famous billionaire -albeit a former billionaire, given what had happened to his family's company after his mother's death and the hostile takeover of his company- who had had the singular experience of being stranded for years on a deserted island.

It also didn't help that he was quite good-looking, worthy of a lingering once over, though Eddie felt wrong for doing it. Before the island, Oliver had been on nearly every cop's radar due to his plane-hopping playboy antics, and back in Keystone, when Eddie was still a wet behind the ears rookie, he and his fellow officers used to mock the cops in other cities that had capitulated to his family's status -and team of expensive lawyers- by letting Oliver off the hook for whatever new act of dumbassery he'd committed that week. After a violent incident with a paparazzi photographer, he remembered calling Oliver the worst possible result of an orgasm.

Even though he knew how Oliver had been changed by the circumstances that had vastly altered his life, those personal tragedies making him a better man -at least in the public eye- how Barry had come to be acquainted with someone like Oliver was beyond him.

The moment of awe passed, replaced by the creeping sensation of jealousy as he continued watching the two of them converse. It was stupid to be jealous of him, what with Oliver being the ladies man that he was, his face having once been plastered on every supermarket gossip magazine with whatever party girl he was sleeping with before the island, but Eddie couldn't help himself. Especially after the mood Barry had been in the night before, calling him to say he wouldn't be coming over and hanging up quickly after a curt goodbye. Squaring his shoulders, Eddie gave Iris a quick glance before striding toward them purposefully.

Oliver's eyes slid to the side, to a point just behind his shoulder, tipping Barry off that someone was approaching them and he turned his head to see that it was Eddie. "Oh, crap..." He muttered, turning back to Oliver with deer-in-the-headlights look before he managed to slap on a grin. "Eddie, hey!" Barry said, a little too enthusiastically and immediately cleared his throat, switching to a lower, more conversational register. "What are you doing here?"

"Coffee run." He replied, as though it should have been obvious, since they were in a coffeehouse.

"Right..." Barry was still smarting from Eddie requesting a task force to hunt him down and blowing him off the night before because of it had left him flustered, making it hard to think clearly. He then remembered that Oliver was right there next to them, watching him make a fool of himself and Barry waved at him with a hand. "Uh, Eddie, this is Oliver Queen. But I'm sure you... already knew that. Because he's," Barry blew out a huff of air, "y'know..." _Ugh_ , _so smooth_ , he thought with a grimace.

Taking pity on Barry, Oliver smiled and offered his hand, spying the shield clipped to Eddie's belt as he did so. "Detective, nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Eddie said, shaking Oliver's hand. He could have tried to pull a macho alpha-male move and gripped his hand too tightly, but in that moment, he realized he didn't _have_ to. They were all adults and while he wasn't sure what exactly Barry's acquaintance to Oliver had been predicated on, he was reassured by the fact that Barry had spent the last few months sleeping in _his_ bed, and would hopefully be spending many more months -years, even, if he was to be so lucky- sleeping in the same place. Eddie was secure in his relationship, he had the utmost faith in Barry, and therefore, he had no reason to intimidate the man, so he refrained from doing anything stupid.

He traded an easy grip with Oliver and when they let go, Eddie tucked his hands into his pockets, the three of them standing there in a brief moment of tense, uncomfortable silence. It was thankfully broken by Felicity joining their impromptu gathering and he relaxed a bit at seeing a familiar face in the proceedings. "Felicity, hi. How have you been?"

"Overworked and underpaid." She quipped, earning her a sideways glare from Oliver, which she dutifully ignored. That glare may have cowed lesser mortals but it was utterly useless against her. "And you?"

"About the same." He replied simply, deciding he didn't want to go into detail about the incident with Tockman at the station, lest Oliver think he was telling the story to somehow prove his masculinity, which was completely unnecessary, as he was confident enough already in _that_ fact.

Felicity nodded, trying to keep from outright laughing at the web of testosterone she'd waded into and she folded her hands together, extending a finger to point at Eddie. "Ah, well. Good... catching up. That we did right there."

Eddie tossed her a tiny, apologetic smile, and then looked back to Oliver. "So, how do you and Barry know each other?"

"Oh, uh..." Barry scratched at his neck nervously. "Last year, I went to Starling City to work a case at one of Queen Consolidated's warehouses. That was how I met Felicity, and how I also met Oliver. You remember, we had been joking about their..." Barry glanced at Oliver guiltily and swallowed thickly, "their problems with craters and vigilantes... After I got back. But before the, uh, lightning."

He remembered that conversation quite well, unable to ever forget the night they met. He may have been too busy weighing the risks of hitting on someone who looked they were too young to be out so late, but he definitely remembered them trading barbs about Starling. Barry had mentioned that it was a case that had led him to meeting Felicity, but Oliver's name had been conspicuously absent from the story. Then again, he had recounted the tale after being in hot water for not telling him that he'd had a thing for Felicity, and probably hadn't wanted to add more fuel to the fire.

"Right... Well, I need to grab those coffees and get back to the station. Bank robber to catch." Eddie nudged Barry with an elbow. "You wanna help me free Iris from her mooning so she can cash me out?"

"Huh?" Barry peered around to find Iris behind the counter, still staring at Oliver like a lovestruck teenager. "Wow, yeah. Okay. Give us a minute?" He said, turning back to Felicity and Oliver.

Felicity waved them off. "We're not going anywhere. Just... let her down gently, guys."

Snorting, Barry rolled his eyes, not sure there was anything _to_ say that could in any way dispel her crush on Oliver. "No promises." With that, he and Eddie marched over to the counter.

Once they were out of earshot, Oliver swiveled his head around to peer down at Felicity. "What was _that_?" He asked tightly.

"What? Eddie probably just realized that Barry's thing for blondes might have possibly extended to you, and he was seeing green." When Oliver's eyes narrowed, Felicity glanced away sheepishly. "Sorry, bad joke."

Gaze sliding from Felicity to Barry and Eddie, standing shoulder to shoulder as they talked with Iris, he saw Eddie's hand come to a rest at the small of Barry's back, and Oliver let out a hard, frustrated breath through his nose. "We don't have time for this."

"Hey, unlike _some_ people, Barry discovered a way to balance running around saving people with being in a relationship." Felicity said, bringing her hand up to check her nail polish, because she knew if she looked at Oliver, she'd see the pain in his eyes and _that_ was what they didn't have time for. "He should be commended, not belittled because his boyfriend was feeling a little threatened. Don't feel too bad about it though, I got the same treatment from him the last time I was here, before Eddie eventually warmed up to me." She finally brought her eyes up to Oliver. "But not anywhere near how much Iris has warmed up to _you_ , so if anyone should be upset here, it's me."

The corner of Oliver's mouth ticked up in a brief smirk and he moved around Felicity to head back to their table. Felicity followed suit, sitting down and pulling her mug closer to her.

"All I'm saying is that maybe if I spent a little time on the salmon ladder, she'd be brewing _me_ a fresh pot of coffee."

Sneaking a peek of Oliver between Barry and Eddie's heads when she heard him laughing, Iris tuned out whatever it was the two of them were saying to her. She'd been jealous of Felicity before, for working at the former Queen Consolidated, thinking maybe she got to pass Oliver in the hallways or share an elevator with him, but knowing she actually worked _with_ him? Even if he was no longer a billionaire, he was still absolutely gorgeous and Iris' heart skipped another beat as her mind slipped into a fantasy world. It was short-lived however, rudely jarred back into reality when she heard her name mentioned and saw that Eddie and Barry staring at her expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Barry snorted, recognizing the expression that had been on Iris' face. "Nothing. Just, if you decide to stop daydreaming about jumping Oliver's bones and actually _try_ to jump his bones, I should tell you you'll have to go through Felicity first. She may not look like much, but she's pretty tough."

Iris glared at him, drumming her fingers on the counter curtly, remembering a magical time when she'd been an only child. "You just want to see us cat-fight, you pervert."

Barry opened his mouth in retort, but when he felt Eddie's eyes boring into him, he wisely chose to keep his smartass comments to himself. He scratched at his cheek with a finger, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment. Before Eddie could agree with her about him being a pervert for maybe entertaining such thoughts about Iris, he was saved by Eddie's phone going off. 

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Eddie read the text message and his expression changed to one of smug satisfaction. "I gotta head back." Eddie quickly put the phone away and reached for his coffee. He looked over at Barry. "So if I kiss you goodbye, is it going to come off too much like I'm marking my territory?"

"What? I... _pfft_! If there is one thing you don't have to worry about, it's _Oliver_. All the money and good looks in the world don't make up for being a dick." He glanced over at a crestfallen Iris, upset at hearing her crush wasn't a perfect human being who'd put the moon in the sky and he backtracked a little. "I mean, he's a nice guy, very... uhm, _proactive_ in his community, always trying to help people out when he can, but when he puts his mind to it, he can be... sort of a dick."

Eddie furrowed his brow. "You think he's good-looking?"

Barry reached out to wrap his fingers around Eddie's tie, sliding his thumb suggestively up the length of the material and gave it a tug to pull Eddie in closer. "Aesthetically, yes. But I think you're even _better_ looking than he is. And definitely _not_ a dick. So... no worries in  _that_  department." It wasn't even just Oliver. Barry didn't want to be with anyone else but Eddie, even if he had to he reminded now and again where his heart truly lay. Whatever was going on between them, it didn't change that fact one iota. He leaned forward, their noses bumping, lips mere centimeters apart. "I am all yours, detective."

A weight lifted off his shoulders and Eddie grinned. "Good." He placed a small peck on Barry's lips, not wanting to give everyone in Jitters more of a show than they'd already been given. "I'll see you later." Giving him one last peck, he extricated his tie from Barry's fingers and said goodbye to Iris before heading out the door.

After Eddie left, Barry leaned on the counter and peered over at Iris, who was giving him the same starry-eyed gaze she'd been directing at Oliver. He leered back at her. "Who's the pervert now?"

"Hey, you guys are adorable together and I just can't help myself." She frowned when she heard how it sounded out loud. "I think I need a boyfriend..."

Barry barked out a laugh. "Be sure to mention that to Oliver while you're refreshing his coffee."

"Ha-ha." Iris said mockingly, before sobering as she reached for the coffee pot. "... don't tempt me."

 

* * *

 

Barry stood up and made a beeline out of Caitlin's lab, wanting to get away from her and all her invasive equipment as quickly as he could. He'd told her that he felt fine and that it was useless to subject him to her inane tests but she'd been annoyingly adamant about giving him a thorough workup. Now that she'd wasted enough of his time, he just wanted to get out of there. He heard Caitlin and Felicity follow him out into the Cortex and he sighed in aggravation.

"Look, obviously Bivolo's power didn't work on me, so..."

"It was stupid of you to go out there alone, Barry!" Caitlin said, trying to make Barry see that just because he'd gotten lucky once, it didn't mean he'd be so lucky the next time, with Bivolo, or with the next meta that came crawling out of the woodwork. "You take too many risks and as fast as you are, it's going to catch up with you."

He closed his eyes and shook his head at her incessant nagging. Who did she honestly think she was, lecturing _him_ about danger when she was always behind the protective walls of the lab, while _he_ was the one out on the streets, day after day, putting himself in the line of fire to keep idiots like her safe. Barry spun around to face Caitlin, going right for where he'd knew it'd hurt her the most, to get her off his back. "I'm not Ronnie, Caitlin, and you've gotta stop treating me like I am."

The expression on Caitlin's face told him he'd hit his mark and he gloated inwardly as he watched her try to keep her composure, lips twisting indignantly, in effort to keep herself from going off on him in anger at the jab. Served the uptight bitch right, thinking she could tell him what he could and couldn't do, like she was his mother.

"You're right," She said icily, hurt that Barry would ever say such a thing, knowing how fragile she still was on the subject. "You're _not_."

Caitlin stormed out, heels clacking heavily on the floor in her distress and Barry rolled his eyes at her. Noticing Felicity staring at him like he'd grown another head, he raised his eyebrows questioningly. " _What_?"

"You are _such_ a lovable dummy, you know that?" She told him, descending the steps from Caitlin's lab to march toward him, folding her arms across her chest as she prepared to go into full on rant mode. Felicity had more experience than most when it came to men and their injured pride. She had long ago run out of fingers and toes to count out how many times she'd had to talk down Oliver and Dig and Roy when one of them -or all three of them, joy oh joy- began lashing out after doing something insanely stupid. 

She wanted to lay into him for taking out his frustrations on Caitlin but was denied the opportunity when Barry dug it out of his pocket like it was the most difficult chore in the world and read the message he'd just received.

"It's Oliver... he wants another training session." He said, not at all eager to go head to head once more with Oliver, just so he could make a fool out of him again. As if he had nothing better to do with his time than take another turn as a human pincushion. 

Felicity had to force herself not to laugh, because right now, Barry needed a little humbling to help cool his jets, and Oliver was the best person to do that. "I'm sure he's not gonna shoot you again... probably." She turned to walk away but paused mid-step. "Might want to wear some body armor." She added before leaving the lab to go find Caitlin, to make sure she was all right.

Barry really didn't like the tone in Felicity's voice but by the time the words came to his lips to start shouting at her, she was already gone. Deciding to save it for later, he slid his phone back into his pocket and took off, his anger at Oliver fueling his speed.

 

*~*~*

 

"Thinking of new ways to embarrass me?" Barry called out to Oliver's back once he arrived at the abandoned building, hoping it ruined his stoic contemplation of the setting sun. It had the effect he wanted, as Oliver turned to face him, flipping his bow into a downward position, and Barry honestly wondered how someone as smart as Felicity had fallen for a such a meathead.

Not for the first time in dealing with Barry, Oliver rolled his eyes. He was a grown man but in some ways, he was still a child and this line of work wasn't meant for people who couldn't bring a sense of maturity to it. It was the whole point of him trying to show Barry the ropes, to educate him on what he could do to be a better hero.

"It's not trying to embarrass you, Barry, but you went after Bivolo last night _alone_ , after asking me to team up with you on this case, and you lost him because I wasn't there to back you up."

Barry flicked his eyes to the side in frustration. Oliver hadn't even wanted to help him out in the first place, now he was lecturing him about teamwork? "What, like you've never had a misstep?" He asked, scrubbing his face with hands, feeling like he was going to crawl right out of his skin if he had to spend one more minute with Oliver and his self-righteousness.

"Of course I've had missteps, Barry." He replied, keeping his voice calm and even, taking note of how agitated Barry was, and he didn't want him thinking he was leveling a personal attack on him. Barry was in desperate need of mentoring if he was dedicated to the cause of using his powers to help people, and haranguing him would serve no purpose at this stage. It was an option he'd not been offered in learning life's hard lessons, but he would never subject Barry to the same treatment.

"I've been living this life for nearly eight years, encountering things you can't even begin to fathom, and despite the missteps, I am still alive. Not because super speed kept me out of the ground, but because I realized that I needed to keep learning, keep training, to keep getting smarter, so I could outmaneuver my enemies, and until you understand what still needs to be done, despite your best intentions, you will end up doing more harm than good."

He had no right to come into _his_ city and dole out lectures on how to do the job properly, and the audacity of someone like Oliver telling someone like him he needed to get smarter was mind-boggling. Oliver didn't have a hope in matching him for mental prowess, it was why he needed to keep Felicity around, to do his thinking for him. All of his prattling served no other purpose than to make himself seem superior, which was laughable, considering the people of Starling City were afraid of the Arrow, whereas the people in Central City loved the Flash.

"Wow... I see it now. You're a little bit jealous of me, aren't you?" Oliver blinked and raised a brow in confusion, which made Barry laughed. "A guy like you, rich, handsome, can have anyone he wants, and you're jealous of a scrawny nerd like me. It's probably a new emotion for you, so you might be a little slow to get what it is that you're feeling." Barry said pedantically, as though he were explaining it to a child.

"That's your theory?" Oliver asked, peering intently into Barry's eyes.

"Absolutely. You can lift weights, train all you want, climb that stupid salmon ladder until your heart explodes, but you'll never be as _fast_ as I am. You'll never be _what_ I am. You'll never have the kind of _relationship_ I have, or the trust the people of this city have in me, and that's gotta hurt your rock-hard pride, seeing me have everything you can't,  _Ollie_."

Nodding to himself, Oliver folded his arms behind his back, tactically retreating from the conversation. "I told Felicity you didn't want my help..."

"Yeah?" Barry said, brushing past Oliver to get away from the rusted-out misery pit he had taken refuge in, before he needed a tetanus shot just from being in the general vicinity of the place. "You were finally right about something!"

 

 *~*~*

 

All but bolting out of the elevator, Barry made his way toward the stairs, needing the solitude of his lab get some respite from all the single-celled amoebas surrounding him. He'd almost made it, too, before he heard Singh yelling for him. 

"Allen... _Allen_!"

"Yeah?" He said, not pausing once on his way to the staircase, hoping to shake Singh off.

"Where are you on the Bivolo case?" Singh asked, trailing behind him doggedly, wanting to hear at least _some_ good news about their suspect, so he had something to give to the press and the public.

"I'm working it." Barry replied noncommittally and ascended the stairs.

"Care to be more specific?" When he didn't get an answer, Singh scowled and added some authority to his voice, in effort to command a little more respect. "Hey, how about you _answer me_ when I ask you a question?"

Spinning around, Barry glowered at Singh, hand gripping the banister hard enough to turn his knuckles white. "Hey! How about you back the fuck off?" Barry shouted, feeling his head start to ache, vision throbbing red at the edges as his blood began to pound quickly.

Singh narrowed his eyes dangerously, chest swelling as he sucked in a furious breath. " _Excuse me_?"

"Look, I work _just_ as hard as anyone else in this building, and I don't need you _constantly_ berating me to do my job! When the results are done, you'll have 'em, all right? Until then, leave me the hell alone!"

Having heard the commotion, along with everyone else in the station, Joe leapt in before Singh could fire Barry for insubordination, placing a hand on the captain's chest to hold him back from ripping Barry a new one. "Sorry, boss, you'll have to forgive him, he's having a... bad reaction to some new medication."

Singh didn't buy the excuse for a second, but in all the years Barry had been working there, he'd never before had an incident like this. In a moment of supreme mercy, thinking he'd just had a spectacularly bad day, Singh nodded his head sharply, deciding to let the outburst slide. For now. "Just remind him who answers to who." He said, straightening his jacket before walking back to his office, ignoring the looks everyone was giving him as he passed by them.

Waiting until Singh was out of earshot, Joe pulled Barry down off the steps and took him aside. "Are you out of your damn mind?" He asked quietly, once he was sure no one around them would hear.

Barry ran his hands through his hair, feeling like his skull was about to burst open with rage and he moved toward the back corner of the hallway Joe had led him into, his breathing becoming erratic as he fought to contain himself. "I'm just so sick of Singh talking to me like that."

"He's _still_ our boss." Joe said gently. "Now I know you're upset about losing Bivolo, but-"

Barry rounded on Joe. "No, stop! I don't need your help! God, you're _just_ like him. Like Wells, like Oliver, and everyone else my whole life who didn't think I had what it took to get the job done." He marched over to Joe, leveling a menacing glare on him. "You want to help me, huh? You can help by getting my dad out of prison! I mean, you're the one who put him in there in the first place, right?"

Ignoring the flare of the age old pain of having been the one to take Barry's father from him, Joe placed his hands in the air placatingly, heart doing a somersault in his chest as he watched Barry have an epic meltdown in front of him. "Okay, Barry, I need you to calm down for me. Why don't we both take a ride down to S.T.A.R. Labs?"

Barry wasn't even paying attention to Joe wasting his breath trying to make him see sense, a flash of blonde having caught his eye. From across the hall, he saw Eddie leading Iris toward the elevators and Barry's rage exploded. How could he have been so stupid? Joe may have thrown his dad in jail, but Eddie was the one who had been keeping him from focusing on how to get him out. Ever since he'd allowed his heart to overrule his mind, he'd been too concerned with playing the role of dedicated boyfriend, letting their relationship take over his life. And how had his efforts been rewarded? With fear and the threat of arrest, all because he'd wanted to keep Central City safe.

He was through letting someone else dictate his actions, especially someone like Eddie. _No one_ tried to hunt him down like he was some rabid animal, and like hell he was going to let that person take Iris from him at the same time. Iris was _his_ best friend, and Eddie, who'd decided he wanted to see him rotting in cell right next his father's, didn't get to convert Iris, the one person who'd believed in him since the beginning, to his way of thinking.

"I _am_ calm!" Barry all but screamed, not caring that everyone in the precinct was staring at him once more. They could all go screw themselves for all he cared, the plebeians who teased and taunted him for being smarter than they were, simply because they felt threatened by his genius. Going ballistic, Barry threw his hands out, shoving Joe away from him forcefully. "When I'm _not_ calm, you'll know!"

Joe blanched when he saw Barry's eyes burn red and a fear the likes of which he'd never felt lanced through him. Watching Barry go tearing off, he dug his phone out of his pocket, hand shaking as he tapped on Cisco's number from his recent call list. He lifted the phone to his ear and listened to it ring, silently praying that there was a way to save Barry before he seriously hurt someone.

 

* * *

 

Barry spotted Iris' car a few blocks from the station and sped towards it with single-minded malevolence, heading directly for the passenger side. Yanking on the handle, he ripped open the door and reached for Eddie. Time seemingly at a standstill, he saw their frozen expressions, Eddie peering over at Iris imploringly as she glanced back at him in obvious frustration. He didn't know what Eddie had done to upset her but seeing as she was the only one on his side -starting her blog to support him and warning him about the task force- Barry's hatred for him exploded tenfold. Dragging him out of the car, Barry dropped Eddie and let gravity take care of the rest.

The car screeched to a halt behind him as Iris realized what had happened, but Barry was too busy enjoying the way Eddie tumbled down the road, and a satisfied grin spread across his face. When Eddie finally rolled to a stop, he shakily pushed himself up onto an elbow and stared up at him. Barry greedily lapped up his expression of terror, evident even in the sallow haze of the streetlights. Eddie _should_ be frightened of him, as he'd ignorantly bitten off more than he could chew, and now, it was time to pay the price.

Balling his hands into fists, Barry stalked menacingly over to Eddie's prone form. " _I heard you've been looking for me! All this time you've been trying to catch me, and I caught you first!_ "

Disoriented, Eddie surveyed his surroundings for some sign of help, but the streets were devoid of life. No one was coming for them, and it meant that it was up to him defend himself and Iris from this maniac. He reached back slowly to pull his service pistol from its holster, steadying his aim as he drew down on the Flash.

" _Guess you haven't been reading your friend's blog_." Barry sneered, wondering how Eddie had made it so far in life without being killed, making stupid, rookie mistakes, like thinking he was slow enough to be taken out with bullets.

Eddie's retort was to open fire on him. His hearing immediately went dead, firing so close to his ears without plugs in them, but he could still make out the dull echo of the shots, each one reverberating down his arm. It was useless though, a streak of yellow cutting through the night air as the Flash dodged each bullet, before disappearing completely. There was a pulse of energy behind him and Eddie turned to look, eyes wide in fear as he saw the Flash just standing there, waiting for his next move.

It was time to play a little offense and Eddie pushed himself up off the pavement, getting his legs steady underneath him. He grit his teeth, bearing through the pain and the fear. He was a cop and Iris was a civilian. Despite her soft spot for the Flash, he was showing them both his true colors and it was up to him to make sure Iris stayed safe from his wrath. Exhaling a growl, Eddie ran full tilt toward him, hoping against hope that in close quarters, he could land a hit that would take the Flash out.

Barry would have howled with laughter at the attempt, if the idea of Eddie trying to take him on weren't so pathetic. He caught Eddie mid-lunge, hand squeezing around his arm -the one that had been shot weeks ago- like a vice, eliciting a cry from Eddie that was more satisfying than any moan of pleasure he'd ever coaxed from him. Barry used Eddie's forward momentum against him, spinning around with a burst of speed to toss him back onto the street like a rag doll.

Hitting the ground with a sickening thud, Eddie bounced several feet and came to a stop face down. Every inch of him ached, his arm throbbing in fresh waves of agony from where the Flash had violently grabbed him. Mingling with the pain radiating from his back and legs, it was a wonder he managed to push himself up at all. Survival instinct had taken over, mind screaming at him to run, to get away, to do anything other than die in the middle of the road like a dog and Eddie began crawling away, though he knew it was futile.

Eddie trying to slink away from him was one of the most sadistically gratifying sights he'd ever seen and Barry sauntered toward him, delighting in the way his footsteps seemed to spur Eddie to move faster. Injured as he was however, Barry didn't even need super speed to catch up with him and squash him like a bug, but like a cat toying with a mouse, he wanted to bask in the moment a little longer before ending it.

" _Who the hell do you think you are?_ " He asked viciously, slowly closing in on Eddie. " _Who are you to come along and think you can do whatever you want to me?_ " In all the time they'd been dating, Eddie had had him bending over backwards and jumping through hoops just so they could be together, when it should have been the other way around. He should have been thanking his lucky stars to have the attention of someone with his abilities, not making him question his every move, or making him forget there were more important things to be doing, like finding his mother's killer and freeing his father.

It had been so long so he'd last went over his mother's case files, preoccupied as he was with thinking that Eddie's happiness would make him happy in turn. Only it had made him absolutely miserable and every day he spent pretending his was in love with the poor little rich kid with a sad sob story was another day the man in yellow got closer to never being caught. And to think, he'd defended their relationship to Oliver, when in reality, it was keeping him from actualizing his true potential. But not anymore.

" _What gives you the right to ruin my life?!_ " Barry screamed, despising Eddie and everything he'd ever done with every fiber of his being.

Glancing wildly over his shoulder, Eddie blinked in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?" He shouted, planting his elbow on the street to turn over and stare wide-eyed at the Flash. If Eddie hadn't known that this had all started because of his task force, he would have sworn this had become a personal issue, the way he was carrying on.

"What are you doing?!"

Startled, Eddie saw Iris coming up from behind the Flash and he couldn't believe that she hadn't taken her chance to run off to safety while he'd been busy getting his ass handed to him. After having all those clandestine meetings with him, she must have thought he truly wasn't a danger, despite the current evidence to the contrary. Still, he paused in his approach, as though her voice was enough to have him briefly second-guessing himself, and if she could use their relationship to talk him down, it was better than letting the Flash grind him into the pavement.

"What is wrong with you?" Iris asked, taking a step closer to the Flash, hoping that she could get him to focus on her enough to let Eddie get away. It seemed to be working, as he hesitated, glancing over his shoulder at her.

" _I'm fine_." Barry replied blithely, switching his gaze back to Eddie, eyes raking over the blood pouring down his face, the blood and dirt from the damp road staining his shirt. It was a good look for him and Barry idly began doing the mental math on how much he could make Eddie bleed, how long he could exact his revenge before the torture killed him.

When the Flash turned away, Iris motioned emphatically with her hand for Eddie to get up, to escape while she had him distracted. "You are _not_ fine! What you are doing is _not_ fine!"

" _You think just because you write about me that you know me? You don't know me!"_ Barry shouted, advancing on Eddie when he saw him trying to pick himself up off the ground.

"I know that you have risked your life to help people, to _save_ them! Someone who does that doesn't just wake up one day and want to _hurt_ people! Please..." She begged, desperate to get the Flash away from Eddie.

Barry glared back at Iris. Didn't she understand that if he didn't deal with Eddie now, _he_ would be the one to get hurt by being the subject of his obsessive manhunt? Only by preemptively taking Eddie out could he ensure his safety. He wasn't just doing this for himself, he was doing it for _her_ , so she could continue having someone to look up to, to believe in.

"Please!" She yelled. "Don't do this!"

Eyes flaring red when Iris irritatingly refused to see that this was the right thing to do, Barry turned his back on her and descended upon Eddie, dragging him up off the ground by the lapels of his suit.

"Eddie!" Iris screamed. 

A high-pitched whistling sound cut through the air and suddenly, the Flash released Eddie, staring down at the wire he was now bound up in. Iris whipped her head around to see the imposing silhouette of the Arrow. What he was doing in Central City, she hadn't a clue, but right then, it didn't matter how he'd gotten there. His presence was a miracle and Iris had no desire to look a gift horse in the mouth.

" _RUN_!" The Arrow boomed and Iris didn't need to be told twice.

"Eddie, run!"

She took several steps backward, waiting for Eddie to get up and run toward her. Once he was within arms length, she grabbed for him and together, they took off toward her car. Iris could hear the Flash and the Arrow yelling at each other, but she didn't dare to turn and watch, more concerned with getting Eddie into the car before she raced around to climb into the driver's seat. 

The car peeled away and Iris kept her eyes firmly on the road, never once looking back.

 

* * *

 

Standing at the door to Eddie's apartment, Barry had his hand on the knob, but he couldn't bring himself to turn it. He had absolutely no idea what to expect when walked in, and whatever state he found Eddie in, he didn't know if he had it in him to pretend as though he hadn't been the cause of it. He could vividly recall each ugly thought he'd had and the desire to end Eddie's life, so could he possibly fake the surprise of coming home to find his boyfriend beat to hell? The worry would most definitely be real, as he'd been worried about Eddie ever since Oliver had helped with knocking the sense back into him. He'd been able to put it off temporarily, wanting to catch Bivolo before he put the whammy on anyone else, but now that he was securely locked away in the pipeline, Barry had no choice but to deal with consequences of what he'd done.

Racing from S.T.A.R. Labs to Eddie's, Barry had wondered if he'd completely ruined the chance for ever a positive outcome in telling Eddie the truth. It was one thing to reveal himself to be honest with his partner and convince him he wasn't a menace, but it was another thing entirely to say 'hey, I'm the guy who tried to kill you, sorry about that.' More than all of that, he was concerned about Eddie's state of mind. He'd been shot a few weeks prior and after just coming out of recuperation, he'd been assaulted again. Would he be angry, or wallowing in depression, or would he be lost in his own head, thinking himself a poor excuse for a cop.

There was only one way to know anything for certain, and that was for him to man up and walk in. Sucking in a deep breath through his nose, Barry exhaled, centering himself before facing the music. Turning the knob, Barry swung the door open and found the apartment dark, save for a beam of light coming from the kitchen. Stepping into the apartment, Barry shut the door behind him and headed inside.

Barry stopped dead in the doorway when he saw Eddie leaning against the counter, clad in a white tee and a pair of thin, faded flannel pajama bottoms, his head tipped back as he drank from a tumbler full of amber liquid. That answered that, as Eddie normally only broke out the good stuff when a case wasn't going his way, or had fallen apart, or if a suspect managed to get himself cleared of the charges levied against him, and he began doubting himself. Sighing, Barry moved toward Eddie, plucking the glass from his hand to set it down on the counter.

Eddie stood there, hand still in the air, fingers curled as though he were still holding the glass. "I wasn't done with that." He said brusquely.

"Yes, you were." Barry replied. "Now, come here, lemme see." He crooked his finger, motioning for Eddie to lean in closer.

Doing as he was told, Eddie reluctantly offered himself up for inspection. "Iris tell you what happened?"

"Joe did." Barry lied, running his fingers gently over Eddie's hairline, pulling back the tape on the gauze bandage to assess the gash on his forehead. It had stopped bleeding, but it still look red and angry, even after being cleaned up. "You go to the hospital?"

"No, I told Iris to drive back to the station and she found an EMT to check me out." He'd been more concerned with getting a team of officers together to go back to where he'd last seen the Flash fighting the Starling City Vigilante, but Iris had all but strong-armed him into staying put until his injuries had been tended to. By the time he'd gotten back to the scene, they were both gone, nothing but a few spent arrows and a smouldering dumpster left in their wake.

Making a mental note to thank Iris the next time he saw her, Barry ghosted his fingertips over the tiny cut by his eyebrow, and down to the road rash on Eddie's cheek. He wouldn't be able to shave until it cleared up, but thankfully it didn't look as bad close up as it had for the doorway. Biting his lip, his hand moved down to Eddie's sleeve and lifted it up. The scar from the bullet wound look fine, the new tissue shining in the light, but there was dark bruise around it, in the perfect shape of a hand.

Choking back the bile rising up his throat, he released the sleeve, smoothing it back into place carefully, before reaching for the hem of Eddie's shirt. Barry lifted it up and was relieved to see his chest was free of any scrapes or cuts, having been able to get his arms underneath him to protect himself. The only noticeable mark was the scar from the second bullet that had hit him, healing just as nicely as the one on his arm. Barry's relief turned to horror however when he spotted a dark bruise on Eddie's side, just above his hipbone. Gasping, he grabbed Eddie and spun him around.

"Jesus Christ..."

Eddie's back was mottled with bruises and scrapes, stretching all the way down from his shoulder blades, a few dark patches disappearing under the waistband of his pajamas. Stomach churning, Barry remembered the force he'd used to hurl Eddie onto the street and the sickening thud of his body hitting the pavement. It was a miracle he hadn't broken Eddie's spine. The bruising looked absolutely painful and Barry realized Eddie wasn't drinking to deaden the memories of a bad day, he was drinking to deal with what he could only imagine was excruciating pain.

Barry covered his mouth with a hand, hot tears spilling down his cheeks as he tried not to vomit. He was no better than a wife beater. His excuse that he'd not been in his right mind and unable to control himself due to a meta human was on par with every abuser that had ever been brought in for booking, blaming what they'd done on alcohol or drugs, or worse, blaming the assault on anger over a perceived slight.

Every violent urge had been based upon his inability to deal with his own issues and he'd wrongly lashed out at Eddie because of it. Barry couldn't even promise himself that he would never let it happen again. Not only because he couldn't guarantee another meta wouldn't mess with his head again, but because it would only solidify the similarities between himself and an abuser too firmly in his mind, swearing to their victim that if they took them back, they'd never succumb to the violence again.

Eddie tugged his shirt down, uncomfortable with how quiet Barry had become, and turned to face him. Seeing the tears in his eyes, his mortified expression, Eddie forced a smile, even though it hurt to do so. "I'm fine." He said, wanting to reassure Barry, even though he sounded anything but fine. He picked his glass up off the counter, bringing it to his lips. "It only hurts when I move. Or breathe." It had been worse before, the agony unbearable, but after a handful of ibuprofen, a muscle relaxer left over from his regimen after being shot, and his third shot of whiskey, the pain had been deadened to a dull roar.

"You are _not_ fine." Barry said, voice cracking as he cried, recalling Iris' desperate words from earlier. "And if you took something, you shouldn't be _drinking_." He took the tumbler from Eddie once more, downing the rest because Eddie would kill him for dumping good whiskey down the drain. He just wished the alcohol would have some kind of effect on him, because he wanted nothing more than to be able to self-medicate his guilt. Putting the tumbler in the sink, Barry wiped away his tears. "You need to get some sleep." The image of the bruises on Eddie's back -forever to be burned into his memory- flashed before his eyes. "... On your stomach."

Brow furrowing, Eddie reached out to take Barry's hand in his own. "What is going on with you? Why are you crying?" If either of them was supposed to be crying, it should have been _him_ , not Barry. He was the one who'd been used as a punching bag and even he had been able to maintain his composure.

"Because I _hate_ that I- I hate seeing you like this!" Barry exclaimed, sobbing. "First you were shot and now _this_! Jesus, Eddie, you're almost completely black and blue and I-"

"Hey, hey, stop that. What did I tell you? I've had my ass kicked plenty of times and given my line of work, I'm pretty sure I'll have it kicked again between now and retirement. Just be happy I'm alive, because _I_ am. I'm mad as hell, but at least I'm alive to _be_ mad. And believe that I'll be alive to catch that asshole and give him what's coming to him."

Heart sinking at the declaration, all Barry could do was nod his head noncommittally, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. For the first time, he wished he'd never been struck by the dark matter laced lightning. He wished he didn't have these powers, or the responsibilities that came with them, if only so he'd never have to worry about the kind of collateral damage that came with being a meta human. He wished the only worries in his life were that of everyone else, working and paying bills and maintaining a relationship.

The day before, his biggest complaint was that his powers prevented him from providing Eddie with physical proof that he was sexually satisfied, but right then, standing in the kitchen with Eddie holding his hand, reassuring him instead of the other way around, it had seemed so petty, now that he'd been given a front row seat to the darker aspects of his power. Now, Barry would gladly give them up just be normal, to have saved himself from carrying around the burden of what he'd done for the rest of his life.

As it stood, however, the only normal thing he could do was trying to make the best of a bad situation. First and foremost, he needed to tend to Eddie, and tugging on his hand, Barry led him out of the kitchen, switching the light off as he went. Taking him back through the apartment to the bedroom, he flipped on the light and pointed to the bed. "Lie down. And strip."

Eddie looked from the bed to Barry, arching a perplexed eyebrow. "No offense, but I'm _really_ not in the mood."

"Not for _that_. Just... take off your clothes and go lie down on your stomach." Barry said, releasing Eddie's hand and disappearing into the bathroom.

"Okay..." Shaking his head, Eddie stripped out of shirt as carefully as he could, hissing as the movement strained his sore muscles. Once it was off, he didn't have the energy to do anything else but let the shirt fall to the floor. His pajama bottoms were easier to divest himself of, only having to undo the tie and let them slip down his legs. Stepping out of them, Eddie inched toward the bed and slowly dropped onto the mattress. He groaned in relief at getting off his feet and he laid flat, pulling a pillow to him so he could tuck it under his head.

Walking out of the bedroom, Barry paused. Naked, he could now see the true extent of Eddie's injuries. Dark purple splotches dotted his backside and trailed down his thighs, where he'd taken most of the damage after being thrown. There were more scrapes along his elbows, where his suit hadn't been able to protect his skin from the force of hitting the street, but luckily, they weren't bleeding, merely looking raw and roughened. Eddie had received a cruel lesson in Newton's Second Law, and Barry just prayed that this helped tip the karmic scales and allow him atone for a little for being the one to give him the unexpected lesson.

Kneeling down on the bed, Barry settled beside Eddie and flipped open the cap of the bottle in his hand. It was from Eddie's gym bag, one of the few expensive splurges in his life, a homemade topical cream he'd purchased at a boutique that he applied to keep his muscles from getting sore after working out. Eddie swore up and down that it was better than any of the crap the pharmacies sold, and well worth the hole in his wallet. Fortunately for them both, the blend of menthol, camphor and arnica had more than one application. Not only would it help relieve the tension in his muscles, it was also good for clearing up bruises quicker than letting them heal on their own. Let it never be said that having a working knowledge of chemistry didn't have its practical uses outside of a lab.

Squeezing a dollop into his palm, Barry rubbed his hands together to warm up the cream and spread it around before applying it to Eddie's back. His hands were gentle, mindful not to press too hard into the skin. He wasn't trying to hurt Eddie even more by giving him a back massage. Hearing him let out a soft sound of contentment, Barry shifted to get all of his back and sides, doing the best he could to make sure Eddie was in the least possible amount of pain. The tears still streaming from his eyes fell from his cheeks and landed on Eddie's skin, and Barry swiped at his face with his forearm, running his fingers in circles over the wet spots where they had landed on his back, swirling the cream around to erase all evidence of them.

As Barry methodically worked his way down, Eddie huffed out a sigh into the pillow. "This is the best stroke of genius you've ever had."

Barry sniffled and worked his hands over Eddie's butt, kneading the cream into his skin. "Just wish I hadn't needed to have had it at all." He murmured quietly. "I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault, Bar." He moved his arm under the pillow and lifted his head up a fraction of an inch. "Did you know that Iris was meeting with the Flash?"

Hesitating for a moment, Barry grabbed the bottle from the sheets and squeezed more of the cream into his cupped palm. "It stood to reason, I suppose." He said, rubbing his hands together once more before shuffling down the mattress to get Eddie's thighs. "She had to be getting her information from somewhere and directly from the source seemed the most likely option."

"And you were okay with that?" Eddie asked him incredulously.

"I didn't know for certain, but. Iris is more than capable of taking care of herself. If she'd gotten the sense that he was bad news, she wouldn't have kept blogging about him."

Eddie snorted. "I guess he must have just liked her more than he liked me."

"Well... you _were_ trying to start a manhunt for him."

"Was I wrong to? Look at what he did to me! And she thinks someone like that deserves to be _praised_?"

Stifling another sob, Barry shook his head, though he knew Eddie wouldn't see it. "No... no he doesn't."

Dropping his head back onto the pillow, he was glad to at least have Barry on his side in the matter. Convincing Iris was another story, though after tonight, there was a good chance she would change her tune. "Maybe now, Singh will approve the task force." He'd be crazy not to, after having one of his men brazenly attacked in the middle of the street.

"Maybe." Satisfied that he'd gotten every bruise covered with a good base coat, Barry picked up the bottle by the cap, not wanting to smear his sticky fingers all over it and he got up off the bed. Walking around to the other side, he lifted Eddie's arm to tend to the bruise there, making sure it was good and covered before he set his arm back down. Placing a kiss on the crown of Eddie's head, Barry went into the bathroom to return the cream to Eddie's bag -though he had a feeling they'd be using it more frequently in the coming days- and wash his hands.

Heading back into the bedroom, he flipped the light switch off, casting the room in darkness. Sinking onto the bed, Barry arranged the blankets over himself and Eddie before lying down on his side next to him. Sidling up to Eddie the best he could without hurting him anymore than he already was, Barry put a hand on his shoulder in lieu of wrapping himself around Eddie like he normally did when he stayed over.

Eddie hummed and closed his eyes, feeling the perfect combination of the medicine, the whiskey, the tingling of the cream and Barry's warmth beginning to take full effect. "Thank you." He whispered, grateful that he had someone like Barry in his life to take care of him when he needed it most.

Swallowing thickly, Barry ran his teeth over his bottom lip, hating the sound of gratitude in Eddie's voice. "Don't mention it." He felt absolutely wretched, lying next to Eddie after beating the crap out of him. He had no right to even be in the same room with him, monster that he was, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave Eddie's side, or stop himself from cuddling up to the man who rightly believed he didn't deserve to breathe the free air. After what he'd put Eddie through, despite knowing it hadn't truly been his fault, it was hard not to think that he should have locked himself away in the pipeline, if only to keep from ever hurting Eddie, or anyone else, ever again.

Guilt gnawed at him as he heard Eddie's breathing start to even out, and Barry had no illusions about getting any sleep himself. He'd painted himself into a corner he had no hope of ever getting out of, which meant he'd never ever be able to stop living a lie. He'd been wrong before when he thought he was doomed.

He wasn't doomed. He was _fucked_.

 

* * *

 

Sitting at his regular table at Jitters, Barry surreptitiously spied on Eddie and Iris as they spoke to one another at the counter. Eddie apparently hadn't seen him when he walked in through the back entrance, and Barry had made no efforts to flag him down, still feeling awful about what he'd done. Eddie was looking better than he had the night before, his forehead re-bandaged with thin adhesive strips Barry had dug out of the medicine cabinet, and he was moving around with more ease, thanks to a handful of pain-relievers, a long, hot soak in the tub and another rubdown with his fancy cream.

Barry had wanted him to take a day off to rest, doing his best to cajole him into staying in bed as Eddie struggled into his clothing, but he wouldn't hear anything of it. He was a man on a mission and he refused to let any aches or pains, or a protesting boyfriend, slow him down. They'd parted ways at the station that morning, Eddie keeping his head held high the best he could as he walked into the bullpen, and Barry hadn't seen him since, until now.

Watching them come to some agreement and hug it out, Barry swore he felt the last nail being hammered into his coffin. It seemed he'd lost Iris, along with Eddie, and even though he knew he still had Caitlin, Cisco, Joe and Dr. Wells on his side, Barry had never felt more alone in his life. The two people he should have shared everything with were now set against him -without even knowing it was him at all- and it was all because his desire to keep them safe had put them both directly in the line of fire. He'd been a fool to believe it was in their best interest, but he couldn't take it back now. It was done and he'd just have to live with his deplorable mistakes in silence.

When Eddie left to head into the bathroom, Iris turned his way and a smile lit up her face. She walked toward him, and he smiled back before he saw that her eyes were not on him. Barry jumped when he realized Oliver was standing right next to him and he tried to cover it up by rubbing at his ear as if it was an intention action, though thankfully, Iris' laser focus on Oliver meant she hadn't seem his mini freak-out.

"Hey," Iris said cheerfully to Felicity and Oliver, "you two heading home?"

"Yeah, we just need some javas for the road." Felicity replied, offering Iris a bright grin.

Iris suppressed her disappointment at not being able to ogle Oliver anymore and flicked her eyes to Felicity. "Well, I will hook you up. C'mon." Iris took Felicity by the arm and led her toward the register. Glancing back over her shoulder to see Oliver take the seat across from Barry, Iris again wondered how working a case at Oliver's old company had resulted in their being friends. Having a connection with Felicity seemed obvious, but that didn't mean Barry had to become friends with her friends. It was a mystery that would likely never be solved, as Barry had remained tight-lipped on most of the details, like he had with most things lately.

She wanted to believe his reticence was just one of the many new quirks he'd come out of his coma with, but she couldn't help the niggling feeling that there was something else going on that he refused to tell her, and she didn't like thinking that Barry, of all people, would keep secrets from her. Or perhaps she was just reading too much into it, all the time spent sifting through conspiracy blogs distorting her perception of the things around her. Iris just had to trust that if she wasn't going crazy, Barry would eventually come to her and tell her what was going on with him, the way he always did.

When Oliver sat down, Barry cleared his throat and immediately began apologizing to him. "So, uhm, again... I am _really_ sorry about what I said at the field, and then last night in the street. I wish I could say it was all because of whatever Bivolo did to me, but I guess with everything that's been going on, I had more feelings bottled up than I thought."

"You know you can always talk to me." Oliver said, in the hopes that Barry _would_ come to him with those things, as Barry was the one of the few people in the world in the same situation that he was. It was lonely work and he knew better than anyone that at times, you just needed someone who understood to help you get back onto your feet.

Barry nodded his head, glad for the offer, though Oliver didn't seem the type for a meaningful heart-to-heart. "Yeah, thank you. And you were right... I still have a _lot_ to learn." Though they had different approaches to their missions, Barry couldn't deny that Oliver got results and it would do him some good to listen to his advice.

"There's one more thing you need to learn... but you're not gonna like it." He didn't even like the fact that he had to say it, but it needed to be said, even if it made him the bearer of bad news. Barry was a good kid and Oliver didn't want to see him get hurt, not in the field, and especially not in his personal life.

"Does it involve you shooting me in the back?" Barry quipped, grinning.

"No. In the heart." He motioned behind him with a tilt of his head, and Barry flicked his eyes over to Felicity and Iris, who were standing at the counter talking with Eddie, who had just returned from the bathroom. Felicity was waving her hands around, fingers wrapped firmly around the two cups of coffee for her and Oliver, recounting some story that had Iris and Eddie laughing.

"That's not gonna work out for you," Oliver said softly, Barry's attention returning to him, "and you need to let him go. For both your sakes." He spun around in his seat to look back at the three of them, seeing how happy they all looked -how happy _Felicity_ looked- and he turned back to Barry, a melancholy smile on his face.

"Guys like us don't get a happy ending."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry said a SWEAR. Eleven chapters to drop my first f-bomb, and hopefully, no one's tender sensibilities were harmed by it. 'Cause there's a few more coming down the pipeline...
> 
> Also, this chapter was a BITCH. How much of a bitch, you ask? Enough that for a while, I gave up and started writing chapters twelve and thirteen! Twelve is about 90% done and thirteen already has two scenes finished... It was aggravating, too, because I'd had _this_ chapter mentally written even before I finished the first FOUR chapters. But it didn't want to come out, so I cleared my head by writing the reveal. 
> 
> THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE! The moment you've all been waiting for! It's coming up next!
> 
> P.S. I hate writing fight scenes! The only thing worse for me to write is sex scenes, and I would have gladly written one of those if it meant I didn't have to write Barry fighting Eddie.
> 
> P.P.S. OMFG FINALE IN FOUR DAYS!


	12. When I Walk Away From You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself. I'm still raw from that finale and then I had to go and do _this_.

"They're called meta humans." Joe said quietly to Eddie, eyes scanning around the bullpen to make sure no one was listening in on the bombshell he was dropping.

Eddie stared at him, eyes swimming in unshed tears, still reeling from the events at S.T.A.R. Labs earlier, and now that he had the answer to all his burning questions, it just led to even more questions. "Meta humans?" He asked, indicating for Joe to keep going.

"They're people with... very powerful abilities. You and me, we're the only guys on the force that know what's really going on in the city. And we need to keep it that way, so no one else gets hurt. You think you can do that?"

Joe waited patiently as Eddie looked away, needing a moment to digest the new information, and everything it meant. He understood how difficult it was to take in, as it had been for him when Barry had brought him in to the strange new world he had found himself a part of after the accelerator accident. When Eddie turned back to him and resolutely nodded his head, Joe could see the determination in his eyes, watery as they were from having his world turned upside down, but determined nonetheless.

"And the Flash?" Eddie felt as though he were adrift at sea, unable to comprehend the sheer depths beneath the surface and he desperately needed a lifeline to help make sense of the waters. "Do you know who he is?"

Joe took a moment before answering, aware that if he confirmed that he was working with the Flash, it was something he could never take back and Eddie would be firmly in the fold. Eddie had proven himself more than capable time and time again, if not a little overeager to make a name for himself, but still plenty capable of doing what needed to be done to protect the people of Central City. After what he'd seen that night, he deserved to know the truth.

"Yeah... yeah, I know who he is."

Eddie looked at Joe expectantly, shifting around to face him fully, waiting on tenterhooks to know who this guy was, and how he was capable of doing the things he did. "Well?"

Glancing away, Joe spotted Barry walking from the elevator to the stairs and he knew it wouldn't be right to divulge Barry's secret to Eddie, not like this. It was something Barry was going to have to do himself, cruel though it was to have made him keep his secret for so long. Looking back to Eddie, Joe offered him a tight smile. "... He's the guy who saved our lives tonight." He patted Eddie's leg and stood up, leaving Eddie with his thoughts. Joe wended his way out of the bullpen, making for the stairs to go have a word with Barry.

Taking the steps two at a time, Joe mulled over how he was going to tell Barry that after so many months of asking him to keep such a monumental secret from everyone, he now needed to come clean with Eddie. It wouldn't be easy, because then Barry might ask why he couldn't tell Iris as well, and that was a road Joe didn't want to go down just yet. Right now, Eddie needed to know what they were dealing with out on the streets, and for that to happen, he needed to know what he was also dealing with in his personal life.

Joe walked in to Barry's lab to find him sitting at his desk, holding a snow globe in his hand. He recognized it as Nora's, one of the few keepsakes Barry had taken for himself before leaving his childhood home forever. He had a pensive expression on his face as he stared down at it, heavy thoughts about losing to the man in yellow seeming to weigh him down, and Joe hated to be the one to throw another wrench into an already upsetting situation.

"Hey, Bar." He said softly, so as not to startle Barry with his presence. Barry flicked his eyes up to him and quickly set the snow globe down, as though he hadn't wanted to be caught with it, or with the dark emotion that had settled over him like a storm cloud.

"You know my mom traveled around the world twice?" Barry started, trying to lighten the atmosphere with a fond memory and distract Joe from commenting on what he'd walked in on. "She spent a semester abroad in Spain, and she loved it so much that after she graduated, she went to Europe. Didn't stop until she'd been to a few dozen other cities. She always wanted to go back, but she just never got a second chance..."

It slowed him down some, knowing that it was having a family that had prevented her reliving her youthful dreams. If her life hadn't been so viciously cut short, perhaps she would have been able to go back, after seeing her son grow up into a man, capable of taking care of himself. Now that would never happen, and all that was left of her presence on earth were a few trinkets and lingering thoughts of what could have been.

"I offered to send you abroad when you were in college." Joe replied as he pulled up a chair, thinking at the time that maybe if Barry had gotten out of the country, he could have somehow exorcised all the ghosts that had been haunting him since the night of his mother's murder, that seeing the world outside of Central City would free him in some small way.

"Yeah, I remember. I just... for some reason, I couldn't take off. I mean, the truth is I'm stuck here... in Central City. Fear has kept me in your living room for fourteen years." Barry sighed morosely, all his pent up anger turning to ash in his mouth. "Joe, I... I was mad at you for being scared. But the truth is, _I_ was the one that was scared. I've been afraid of the man in yellow for my whole life. And that's why I lost." How could he have possibly thought he could take on someone who still managed to strike fear in his heart and make him feel like he was a helpless little kid all over again?

Lifting a hand, Joe scratched at his goatee, taking his own walk down memory lane. "You know, when you first moved in with us, I thought it was gonna be too much. I was already a single dad and finances were tough. And you were a little boy who'd just lost his mother. But, man, was I _wrong_." He chuckled, shaking his head ruefully. "Within two weeks, you had changed the whole dynamic inside the house. Suddenly, it was filled with this... _light_ , this _energy_. I mean, you brightened up everything. You'd seen more darkness than any man will in a lifetime, but you never let it dim your soul. So there I was, thinking that I was changing your life by taking you in, but the truth is... you changed mine. So don't lose that light now, Bar. The world may need the Flash, but... I need my Barry Allen."

He took a deep breath before he let the other shoe drop, seeing the way Barry was fighting to keep the tears welling up in his eyes from falling. It tore him up inside, what he was about to do, but he had to believe it was for the best, for everyone. "And right now, Eddie needs both of you."

Barry blinked, his expression shifting from sorrow to confusion at the complete one-eighty of the conversation. "What?"

"It's always been my job as your guardian to _guard_ you, not just from physical threats, but also from heartache. It's why when this all started that I didn't want you going off and telling Eddie about what you could do, thinking it would end badly. But after what happened tonight, the game has changed and I... I can't help but feel like I just handed you a brand new burden."

"What did you do?" Barry asked, his brow furrowing.

"I told Eddie about the meta humans." Joe answered, somewhat sheepishly.

"You _what_?"

"After what he saw tonight, there was no other choice. If I had tried lying to him about the man in yellow, about all the other crazy stuff that's been happening since the accelerator exploded, who knows what he might have done? There was only one thing _to_ do and that was to tell him about what's really going on, to prepare him for what's to come. To do that, it not only means telling him the truth about the metas, but... it means you have to tell him you're the Flash."

Eyes going wide, Barry gave an abrupt shake of his head. " _No_. No, not after what I did to him. Look, I get what you're trying to do. Eddie needs to know that there are metas out there who don't want to destroy the world, so he can shut down his task force before someone innocent gets hurt, but there is _no way_ I can come out to him now, not when he still thinks I'm a public menace. I lose him forever."

"That wasn't _you_ , Barry, it was Bivolo. Sure, he's gonna be pissed, but take him to S.T.A.R. Labs, show him the pipeline, explain to him what it is these metas can do, and he'll see the truth, just as I do. That you're one of the good guys, and always have been."

"Yeah, the truth. The truth that I've been lying to him all this time because of _you_." Barry sniped bitterly, angry at Joe all over again, for putting this on him _now_.

"So blame me, too, use me as a scapegoat. I thought that lying to him would keep him safe, but I forgot that he is out there on the front lines with me every day and now, the only way to keep him safe is for him to know _exactly_ what is going on right underneath everyone's noses."

"He'll never forgive me. I can point fingers all I want, but at the end of the day, _I_ still chose to lie to him."

"You love him, don't you?" Joe asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Of _course_ I do, I-"

"And you know he loves you, too."

Barry spluttered at that. "Well, I-"

"It wasn't a question, Bar. You two are stupid in love and _that's_ all that's gonna matter in the end. That light I see in you? Eddie has seen it, too, and I know that it'll guide you both down the road ahead. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, telling Eddie your secret, but you know what they say about love... it conquers all. And it'll conquer this as well."

"And if it doesn't? You were the one who told me to keep this secret, but I didn't have to listen. I could have told him any time I wanted... but I didn't."

"Well then... If things _do_ go sideways between you and Eddie, you can go back to being mad at me. Give me a taste of my own cold shoulder treatment if you have to. But I don't think that will happen." He'd been witness to the evolution of their relationship, through all the ups and downs, at just seeing the way the two of them _looked_ at each other, the way they were together when they thought no one was watching. Joe had to believe that they would be strong enough to overcome this, just as they had overcome everything else. He had to believe, because the alternative was living with the knowledge that he'd had a hand in destroying their relationship. "I _know_ you're stronger than that."

Drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, Barry contemplated the decision that lay before him. He'd wanted nothing more than to tell Eddie everything there was to know about him, ever since the day he'd woken up. First he'd been afraid that Eddie would think him some kind of freak, and now that Eddie was aware of the existence of metas, Barry was afraid of what he'd would do upon learning he'd been lied to for so long.

It was the right thing to do, but the cost of doing the right thing frightened Barry more than the man in yellow ever could. He could face whatever came his way, any day of the week, knowing he had his friends and family and Eddie to fight for, but if he lost Eddie... Barry knew he couldn't get lost in the what-ifs. He _had_ to do this. Eddie had a right to know and Barry had made this bed a long time ago. Now it was finally time to lie in it, for better or for worse.

"Okay... Okay, I'll tell him."

 

* * *

 

Eddie picked up his phone to check the time and let out an exasperated breath. He'd known Barry was going to be late getting ready for the Christmas party at Joe's, it was just a fact of life, but this was pushing it. It wouldn't have been his first Christmas with the West family, having spent the previous holiday around Barry's bedside, hoping against hope for a miracle, but this was to the be the first Christmas he'd spend with them as Barry's boyfriend, and hopefully, not the last. But if Barry didn't hurry up, he would never get his first real time and his impatience had him sighing loudly to his empty apartment.

As he set his phone down on the couch cushion, it buzzed in his hand and Eddie lifted it back up to read the text. _Be there soon. Should be coming through the door any second._ It wasn't very reassuring, as in Barry-Time, a second could mean fifteen minutes or an hour, depending on how far behind he was running. Crossing his arms behind his head, he leaned back on the couch, thinking that if he was going to wait, he might as well get comfortable. He just kept his mind focused on how much fun they would have sitting around the tree with friends and family, not wanting to think about what Joe had told him earlier. Eddie just wanted to keep work at work and enjoy the little moments as best he could, no matter how much his world had changed in such a small amount of time.

He sat there, doing his best to relax, when his ears picked up a faint noise, like the buzz of the refrigerator compressor as it ran through a cooling cycle. He hadn't heard it kick on and he'd been unaware of it up until then, but before he could pinpoint exactly where the noise was coming from, the door to the apartment burst open.

With a crackle of energy and in a streak of amber-yellow lightning, Barry suddenly appeared in front of him. His abrupt entrance kicked up the papers and envelopes that had been sitting on the coffee table, creating a mini-tornado for a few seconds before the breeze he'd created died down, scattering the papers to the floor.

Utterly flummoxed by what he'd just witnessed, Eddie slowly stood up, eyes as wide as dinner plates as he stared at Barry like he'd never seen him before. _He's the Flash_. _He's_ _the Flash_. _Barry is the Flash_. It was too much, too much for him to process, and his brain kicked off to reboot, leaving him standing there with his jaw on the floor in a state of shock. He let out a shuddering breath, unable to believe what he was seeing.

Barry slowly bent down to gather up the papers, keeping his eyes on Eddie as he did so, giving him all the time he needed to shake himself free from his stupor. Arranging everything on the table properly, Barry stood up and took a tentative step toward Eddie, who continued to stare blankly at him in stunned silence. He’d been expecting disbelief or anger or even a combination of the two, but instead, there was nothing, no reaction from him whatsoever. It was starting to freak Barry out and he cleared his throat loudly, to get Eddie's attention.

"Eddie?” He asked, voice hesitant. Eddie continued standing there dumbfounded, and Barry tried again, reaching out for him. “Eddie?”

The motion shook something loose and Eddie jerked away. His mind kicked into overdrive to work through the disconnect between the Barry he'd first met, his sweet, beautiful, endearingly awkward Barry, and the Barry that was standing in front of him right now, the Barry that was the Flash. He'd _known_ something was up with him, something just beneath the veneer of their daily lives, but never in a million years would he have ever suspected _this_ was the thing Barry had been keeping locked away.

Barry swallowed thickly at the way Eddie pulled away and he knew in his heart that Joe had been dead wrong. He shook the thought away, knowing he needed to remain positive. Of course Eddie would be thrown by learning the truth, of course it would take some time to find his bearings, and it wouldn't do for him to jump to the worst conclusions right off the bat, before he had a chance to explain himself. Barry took another step forward, arms hanging at his side, so Eddie would see that he didn't present a danger.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't think of any other way to do this without beating around the bush and I- I'm sorry."

Licking his lips, Eddie brought his hand up to his forehead, fingers pressing into his skin as though the pressure would somehow tame his wildly racing thoughts. "You... all this time, you... you're the _Flash_!" The last piece of the puzzle had fallen into place and Eddie began thinking of every odd thing that had ever happened in a new light, all of it making a strange sort of sense, now that he had a clear view of the picture. The flimsy excuses, the canceled dates, the constant lateness. "The accelerator explosion. It what, created you and all the other meta humans Joe told me about?"

Barry nodded slowly, impressed with how quickly Eddie had put it together. "Yeah. The explosion was infused with dark matter and certain people were affected by it on a molecular level. Myself included. It completely altered our DNA and gave us superhuman abilities. All the unexplainable things the last few months... some of the people affected decided to use their abilities to hurt others, and we've been-"

" _We_?" Eddie interjected, eyes narrowing, wondering how many people had known about this, while he'd been stranded in the dark. "We _who_?"

"We as in me, Caitlin, Cisco, Dr. Wells and Joe." Barry said with a sigh.

Eddie scoffed. It seemed everyone in Barry's circle _but_ him had been in on the secret. "Lemme guess... there were no side-effects from your accident. Aside from the obvious, of course."

"No... not really." Barry said, ducking his head shamefully. "I had some problems in the beginning, and I made up a condition to explain away what was happening, so you wouldn't get suspicious, and to explain why I was spending so much time at S.T.A.R. Labs. When we weren't tracking down metas, they were helping me train to get faster."

"And you've been hiding that from me _all this time_?!" Now that he knew finally knew what was really going on, Eddie couldn't help but feel hurt by the realization that he'd been deliberately misled for so long, about who Barry really was, and what he had been doing behind his back.

"I didn't _want_ to hide it from you, Eddie, but I... I wanted to keep you safe and the best way was to not tell you about what I could do."

"Keep me safe?" Eddie shouted, aghast and he flung his hand into the air. "You call kicking my ass keeping me _safe_? I don't know about you, but we call that _aggravated assault_!"

"That wasn't... that wasn't _me_ , Eddie! Not the _real_ me! Bivolo, he was a meta and he has this ability to get inside your head and mess with your mind, to make you lose control of yourself. All those people at the bank he robbed went ballistic on each other because of him, and then... then he got to me, too."

"So _lying_ to me about who you were kept me safe from you trying to _kill_ me?"

"I didn't think that-"

"Exactly! You didn't _think_!" Eddie bellowed, face turning red. "You just decided that it was easier to lie about _everything_ , making sure that I wouldn't be in a position to, I don't know, _help_ you, or even prepare myself for you getting mind-" He stumbled for a second, trying to find a word other than the one that first popped into his head, " _altered_. You decided... you decided it was better to be dishonest, and you put _me_ in danger! Jesus, Barry, you put _Iris_ in danger!"

"You think I don't know that?" Barry shouted back at him. "I begged Joe to let me tell you both, but he-"

Eddie held up his hands, sharply cutting him off. "Wait, wait, wait... You're telling me that Joe _told_ you to lie to me? And you _listened_?!"

"I thought he was right! And I..." He deflated and scrubbed at his face with a hand. "It was easy for me to go along because I was worried that if I told you, you'd be afraid of me, of what I could do, and that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. It was easy to lie because we were _happy_ together when I did, and even though it killed me inside, I didn't want to ruin _us_ with the truth." It was awful to admit and Barry felt like the biggest piece of shit in the universe.

Turning around, Eddie walked away, burying his hands in his hair. "I can't do this..." He stopped and stared at the back wall of the living room, unable to look at Barry anymore. It hurt too much, to see the face he adored above all else superimposed in his mind with that of the Flash. The bruises had faded but the memories never would. At least it explained why Barry had seemed so distant after it happened.

When Caitlin and Cisco had taken a road trip to Starling, Barry had been quick to follow after them, only letting him know he was joining them after he'd already left. He had gone to great lengths in treating him with kid-gloves, their sex life having come to a screeching halt after the beating he'd taken, but Eddie had originally chalked it up to Barry not wanting to exacerbate his injuries, even after he'd healed up and was able to get back to his regular routine. Knowing now that the gentle hands that had tended to his wounds with such loving care had been the one to inflict them in the first place was more than he could handle. Eddie couldn't stop the single tear from spilling down his cheek and he was glad that Barry couldn't see it, couldn't see just how much the truth had hurt.

Barry sat down heavily in the armchair, resting his elbows on his knees and he pressed his fingers to his eyes, brain a jumble of competing thoughts. Silence settled over them, fraught with tension, both of them unsure of what to do next. Minutes passed and Barry sat back, craning his head around to peer across the room at Eddie. “Are you saying you want to break up with me?” He asked, voice wavering with naked emotion.

“I don’t _want_ to break up." Eddie responded after a long pause. "But you weren't the only one who had something to lose in all this. I care about you, Barry, but I _cannot_ be in a relationship with someone who was so dishonest with me with such _blatant_ disregard. I let it slide the last time because you told me it was your accident, that you couldn't control it, and I thought to myself then that even though I hated the idea of you not trusting me, I believed that if we worked together, as _partners_ , we would get past it. But there's no getting past _this_... this is so far beyond fixable that I can't... I just _can't_.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eddie bowed his head, hand falling from his hair to scrub at his chin. "And honestly, how else could you have possibly expected this to go?"

"Honestly? Pretty much exactly like this." He waved his hands around to indicate their fight, though he knew Eddie couldn't see him. "I told Joe this would happen, but after what happened at S.T.A.R. Labs, he insisted on telling you everything. We both knew you'd be angry, but he thought you'd understand, eventually."

Eddie spun on his heel and glared at Barry, eyes full of rage. “I would have understood if you had let me _in_ when this all started! That’s what being in a relationship is about, supporting your partner, through the good _and_ the bad. And I would have done it, Barry, if you'd have just _believed_ in me! But no, you didn't even _try_ to give me a chance! You just let Joe coerce you into lying to me, and only when he snapped his fingers and told you to tell me the truth is when you decided I suddenly earned the right to know this other side of you. Not after waiting for nearly a year, not after pursuing you after you woke up, not after I took you back, not after you almost _killed_ me! After _Joe_ told you to! Jesus Christ, Barry, I'm in a relationship with _you_ , not you _and_ Joe! You allowed someone else dictate _our_ relationship, and that is..."

He paused, almost choking on the hurt and betrayal he was feeling. "I get that you did it because you had some noble idea in your head of keeping me safe, but you also did it because you had such little faith that I would accept you for who you are." Eddie stared at him in heartbroken disbelief. "I would have forgiven you _anything_ , Barry... You could have told me you'd slept with someone else, hell, you could have told me you'd murdered someone, and I would have forgiven you. Like I'd forgiven you when you first lied to me. But that lack of faith, _that_ , above everything else, is _unforgivable_. And there's nothing left to do but end this, right here, right now.”

Getting to his feet, Barry moved around the chair to face Eddie. “I did it because I was scared, Eddie! _I love you_ and didn't want to lose you!” He said beseechingly, ready to get down on his knees and beg Eddie to grasp just how hard a decision it had been to weigh the mountain of lies against his well-being, against his _life_.

Eddie stared at him with a thunderous expression. He’d never before in his life raised his hand to any of his partners but the desire to march over to Barry and crack him across the face rose up in him like a tidal wave. It would have been poetic justice, to repay Barry for nearly killing him and the temptation was almost overwhelming. Balling his hands into tight fists to keep himself from giving in to his urges, Eddie gave a curt shake of his head.

“No. You do _not_ get to say _those_ words to me, now of _all_ times, and think it will magically make everything better! You _lied_ to me, Barry. About _everything_! And what’s worse, when you got caught the first time, you made up _more_ lies, to cover your ass!” He dragged in a heaving breath, gathering more steam before he let loose some more. “Has _anything_ that has ever come out of your mouth since we started dating been true?”

Barry blinked at Eddie, heart clenching in his chest. “Of _course_ it has…Even before I knew what it was I was feeling, I loved you. And I just wanted to protect you, to keep you safe. Dr. Wells, Joe, Cisco, Caitlin, they all know about me and they put their lives in danger every day by helping me. I didn’t want to thrust you in that same position just because you happened to be dating me. And yes, it was stupid and wrong, but the more I kept lying, the harder it got to find a way to tell you the truth. I tried, though… I _really_ did. A few times, but… life kept getting in the way.” He ran his hands through his hair, fingers twisting around the strands as he watched his life shatter like glass before his eyes. “I know I can never apologize enough, but believe me when I say I _do_ love you, and everything I did, I did it with the best intentions in mind.”

Eddie pointed sharply toward the door. “Get out.”

“But I-”

“ _Shut up_! Take your good intentions and get the hell out! I’ve had enough of your excuses for one lifetime. I deserve better than someone who thinks lying to the one they claim to love was the _valiant_ thing to do." Eddie tapped a finger to his chest. "I deserve better than _you_ , Barry. Now get out."

Tears spilling from his eyes and cascading down his cheeks, Barry nodded solemnly and reluctantly did as he was told. When the door slammed shut behind him, his whole world crumbled.

 

*~*~*

 

He ran as fast as he could to Joe’s house, amazed he made it there without killing himself, blurry as his eyes were from crying. He could have blasted through the front door, but he only made it as far as the porch before he broke down, the energy bleeding right out of him. Dropping on the top step, Barry brought his knees up, folding his arms to bury his face in them as he started sobbing uncontrollably.

Oliver had been right, but he’d been too blinded by his emotions to see the truth. He understood now why Oliver chose to keep his distance from Felicity, to keep everyone at arm's length, so he could stay singularly focused on his mission. Barry had leapt into a relationship with Eddie, foolishly thinking he could have it all, and look at what it had cost him. He’d lost sight of getting his father out of prison and enhancing his speed -which would have been a boon when he'd faced off with the man in yellow- but most of all, he'd lost Eddie. He'd been so afraid of telling Eddie, just like he'd been afraid of the man in yellow, and he'd let his fear win. It had cost him not only the fight and the best chance of avenging his mother's murder, but it cost him the love of his life.

If he’d just stayed away, liked he'd told himself he should have when they'd met, they could have at least still been amicable coworkers, maybe even friends. Now, he would have nothing. Not a boyfriend, or someone to go have drinks with after a rough day, or even work friend, someone to bounce ideas off of while working a case. Barry doubted they could ever work together again. He'd warned himself that this is what would happen if he chose to engage in a workplace relationship, but he'd gotten swept up in just how much he'd wanted Eddie. If Eddie was angry enough at him, as well he had every right to be, he could very well seek another transfer, to Blüdhaven, or Coast City to be near his old friend, or anywhere else on earth, just to get out of his life completely.

It was too much for Barry and he could feel his heart breaking in his chest as he cried his eyes out. Behind him, he heard the door open, the sound of the everyone enjoying the festivities inside amplified for a moment before the door closed, followed by the muted sound of approaching footsteps.

“Oh, Barry…”

Joe sat down beside him, immediately pulling him into a one-armed hug. “It’s okay, son, I got you now.” Joe said as soothingly as he could, rocking Barry gently. “I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...”

Barry just cried harder.

 

* * *

 

Curled up on the couch, face buried in the cushions to muffle the sounds of his crying, Barry let them soak up his tears as the party broke up around him. Caitlin and Cisco had been shocked when Joe had brought him in off the porch, face red and eyes swollen, but had quickly begun gathering up their things the second they realized the party had become a private family affair. They both had briefly touched his shoulder before taking off, offering him their support and quietly telling him to call if he needed anything at all. Now they were at the door, talking with Joe and Iris, but Barry couldn't make out what they were saying.

The door shut, leaving him with just Iris and Joe, who started whispering to each other. If he'd had a mind to, he could have tilted his head up, to listen in on what they were saying, but he was too raw, too weak, and it was too much effort to try. After a minute or so of debate, one of them went up the stairs and the other walked around the couch, making Barry curl up on himself even more. All he wanted to do wallow in the grave he'd dug for himself without any witnesses, because it was what he deserved, after what he'd done to Eddie.

Whoever it was stood over him a moment in silence and Barry thought that if he ignored them, they'd eventually go away, but he had no such luck. They let out a patient breath and Barry immediately knew it was Iris. Iris, who had held him in her arms after her mother died and promised she'd always be there for him, no matter what. It was a promise she had never broken and Barry relaxed a bit, still not wanting to talk, but now he craved to be close to his best friend.

Seeing her cue in Barry's posture, Iris touched his head and without a word, he extricated himself from the couch long enough to lift himself up so she could sit down. Resting his head in her lap, he wept into her stomach and Iris had the errant thought of how much cleaning it would take to get Barry's tears and snot out of the material. She said nothing of it, though, letting Barry get it all out of his system. It had been a long time since either of them had been this emotionally wrecked, but she remembered their routine well enough.

Slipping one hand under Barry's arm to rest on his back, Iris began combing her fingers through his hair, nails scraping gently over his scalp to soothe him as his body shook from the force of his misery. She kept silent, offering him no platitudes, made no effort to cheer him up, knowing that in these kinds of situations, anything that was said would just be empty words, meant more for making the person saying them feel better than the person in actual need of comfort. Instead, Iris let her presence do the comforting, nothing more reassuring in the darkest of times than having your best friend beside you.

They stayed like that for more than an hour, Iris rubbing a hand in slow circles over his back, the other stroking through his hair, before Barry began running on empty. The wracking sobs subsided and he sucked in several gasping breaths, lungs sore from so much crying. He knew he'd heal eventually, but for now, they burned in his chest, a painful reminder of the awful thing he'd done. Having no more tears left in him to cry -at least until he rehydrated- he rolled over to look up at Iris, sniffling quietly, feeling as though he'd been drained of life and left with a with a hollow void inside of him.

"Thanks," He murmured, scrubbing at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, "Sorry about your shirt."

Iris tilted her head down, chin on her chest, and saw the large wet spot Barry had left behind. She shrugged a shoulder. "It's fine. Not the first one you've ruined. Probably won't be the last, either." Barry managed a weak chuckle and Iris smiled sadly down at him. Resting her hand on his chest, she gave him a consoling pat. "You ready to talk about it?"

Barry shook his head, casting his gaze up to the ceiling. "Nothing _to_ talk about." Barry said softly, voice wrecked from crying so hard for so long. "I screwed up, end of story. Eddie was right to dump me." After the deception and lies, he couldn't blame Eddie for breaking up with him, or even being furious at him. He was angry at Joe and Dr. Wells for convincing him that Eddie and Iris were better off not knowing his secret, but he was angrier at himself for letting himself be convinced.

Not a single good thing had come from it so far, almost destroying his friendship with Iris and it had most definitely destroyed his relationship with Eddie. And while he could have hated Joe for being the reason behind their breakup, Barry knew that telling Eddie the truth had been a long time coming and had been the best course of action, even if it hadn't been the best thing for their relationship.

"C'mon, it's gotta be a little more complicated than that. Eddie loves you, he wouldn't just dump you because of one mistake." Even after Eddie had caught Barry lying, he'd taken him back, not willing to weigh his future happiness against a lie predicated on Barry's embarrassment over his accident.

"It was a _big_ mistake. And believe me, being dumped was the _best_ possible outcome." He didn't even want to think about what would have happened if Eddie had tried to arrest him, if not for being a vigilante, but to interrogate him on what he knew about the man in yellow. After the debacle that had been their trap to catch him, it was a fair bet that the police would be eager to find out everything the could about the man who had laid out half a dozen of their fellow officers. And once the public learned about him and the other meta humans, people like General Eiling would come for him, wanting to study him and everyone they had imprisoned in the pipeline.

Getting dumped trumped vivisection _any_ day.

Iris didn't understand why Barry had spent so long crying over something that he thought was a good thing and she lifted her hand, placing it on his cheek to bring his focus to her. "The best possible outcome would have been you two working through whatever bonehead thing you say you did and better for having learned from your mistake, you guys would have four hundred babies and live happily ever after."

Barry scoffed. "Have you seen my hips? Not exactly what I'd call child-bearing..."

Giving his cheek a playfully tap, Iris grinned at him. "You know what I mean. Now come on, seriously. You've always told me everything, and you know I won't judge you. I didn't judge you when you told me you liked guys and I didn't judge you when I found out about your lightning whatever, though I was mad you lied to Eddie about it. But you know what gets said stays between us... always has, and it always will."

It had been so long since he'd last confided in her that he'd almost forgotten what a relief it was to share everything about themselves with each other, their secret hopes and dreams, and things they had never shared with another living soul, things they'd promised to take to their graves.

Barry knew that Iris' first and only brush with the other side of the law involved stealing candy bars for them from the grocery store when Joe hadn't been looking, just as Iris knew Barry's first brush with being a mad scientist had been putting a homemade depilatory cream in all the shampoo bottles in the football team's locker room. They had eaten those candy bars together in Iris' closet, enjoying their ill-gotten gains with glee -and no small amount of trepidation- and they had laughed maniacally together when the football team had to forfeit two games, costing them a shot at the state title.

What they knew about it each other had bonded them to one another, and now, when he needed her comfort more than ever, Barry decided it was time to renew that bond. Levering himself up, he grabbed the back of the couch and spun around, sitting cross-legged so he could look Iris, the one constant in his life, his faithful confidant, square in the eye. It took her a second, but she mirrored his position, their knees bumping together, and he took her hands in his own. "I lied to Eddie."

"Again?" She asked, blinking at him in surprise. "I thought you would have learned your lesson the first time around."

"Yeah, you'd have thought... but. It was a _big_ lie this time. Like, life altering big. And Eddie was pissed that I'd kept him from him for so long."

"What did you do, cheat on him or something?" She asked, smirking at the mere suggestion, but when she tried to think of what Barry could have possible done to throw himself off the lofty pedestal Eddie had him on, it didn't seem so far-fetched. Eddie was a kind, caring person, who loved Barry fiercely, and she thought that only sleeping with someone else could ever tarnish Eddie's feelings for him. "Wait, you didn't, did you...?"

"No, I didn't cheat," He said, hanging his head, "I just killed our relationship by being an idiot. It was all my fault, and Eddie..." His words rang in Barry's head and broke his heart all over again. "Eddie deserves better than me."

Without knowing the particulars of this massive lie Barry had been keeping, all Iris had to gone on was what she knew of Barry and Eddie, and how they'd been with each other the last few months. They were crazy in love and complimented one another perfectly. When they were working a crime scene, Eddie was the heat and Barry was the light, working together flawlessly to solve the case and catch their bad guy.

When they were off the clock, Eddie's affable nature took the edge off of Barry's pragmatism, and the only person besides her who thought Barry was adorable when he was displaying his complete lack of social graces was Eddie. And where most people thought Eddie was conceitedly tooting his own horn about his arrest record, Barry saw a man selflessly dedicated to helping as many people as he could. They were perfect for each other and Barry saying that Eddie deserved better than him was insane.

"Listen to me," Iris started, lacing their fingers together and giving Barry a little tug so he was one hundred percent focused on her words, "don't you _ever_ say that. Whatever happened between you two, whatever lie you told him, you'll find a way to work past it, like you did before. You guys... you were meant for each other. You just need time to figure things out, and once you do, you'll get back together and you two will be stronger than ever before."

It hurt to hear of the unshakable faith she had in his and Eddie's relationship, when he hadn't been able to share the same sentiment with Eddie. It seemed the only person who hadn't believed Eddie would ever forsake him, no matter who or what he was, was himself. He felt the empty void inside him grow larger as Iris went on.

"You just have to believe that your relationship is stronger than a lie and that things will get better, okay?" She rubbed her thumb over Barry's fingers gently, knowing if he just tried, they would be able to set things right.

Barry thought her advice would have been sound, if the lie had been something more run-of-the-mill. Without knowing about his abilities or the true scope of their fight, however, Iris had no clue to as to just how bad a shape the foundation of their relationship had been in. Keeping it from her though was no better than having kept it from Eddie and all he could do was hope than when he told her, their friendship wouldn't crash and burn, too.

He nodded his head firmly, squeezing her hands right back. "Okay."

Smiling, knowing in her heart that things would eventually work themselves out, Iris released her hold on Barry, giving him a kiss before pulling him in for a consolation hug. Even if -for some godawful reason- they weren't able to make amends in the end, she had to hope that they'd remain amicable while on the job, and hope that afterward, Barry would one day find someone else. Maybe not as perfect for him as Eddie, but someone that would make him just as happy. There was still Felicity, and if they got together, maybe she could finally have a shot at Oliver.

Iris giggled to herself at the audacity of the thought while trying to comfort Barry and he pulled back to give her a perplexed look.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing... just something stupid that popped into my head."

Barry knew all about having stupid thoughts at inappropriate times, like the one he'd been having for the last few minutes, and he offered her a tiny smile in understanding.

"Iris?"

"Hmmm?"

"... I'm the Flash."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. Mic drop.


	13. The Long Way Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for clarification, this chapter covers the events in _Revenge of the Rogues_ , _The Sound and the Fury_ , _Crazy for You_ , _The Nuclear Man_ , and _Fallout_. Save for _Rogues_ , these episodes weren't exactly heavy on dialogue or screen time for Eddie. So I decided to condense everything into one chapter, and use the lack of Eddie/Barry moments to my advantage. This is mostly from Eddie's perspective, as we all know what Barry was up to, the stinker.
> 
> And to make up for my lateness in getting this posted, enjoy an extra long chapter. The last part was going to be in the next chapter, but I thought what the hell, it works just as well here and y'all deserve it, to make up for all the pain I'm putting you through.

Eddie stared at the wall by the front door. He'd been standing there for several minutes, arms folded over his chest, in a transfixed silence. There was a dent in the drywall and he'd been pondering the merits of buying the spackle himself to fix it, versus calling building maintenance to have them fix it, when he'd gotten stuck on thinking that maintenance coming to fix it could potentially lead to questions on how the dent had gotten there in the first place.

It had been there since his fight with Barry months ago, and Eddie had taken to intentionally ignoring it, not wanting to revisit those particular memories. He couldn't keep ignoring it though, not when the mere sight of the dent brought everything floating back to the surface, whether he wanted them to or not. He unfolded an arm lifted it up, balancing his elbow on the back of his hand so he could chew on his thumbnail in contemplation.

After their fight, when he'd yelled at Barry to get out, he'd been in such a livid rage after he left that he'd pulled the black velvet box that had been tucked away safely in his pants pocket all that day. He'd viciously curled his fingers around it, feeling it bend under the pressure. Then, hand shaking, he'd hurled at the wall, hitting it hard enough to leave a dent, the hinges cracking open to dump the contents on the floor, the little silver key that been inside tumbling silently across the carpet.

Before Barry had let the cat out of the bag, Eddie had planned on asking him to move in, as a Christmas present. It made sense to him, taking the next step, as Barry had spent most nights there anyway and if he moved in, he'd no longer have to worry about running back to his place, after forgetting to bring his equipment box or a change of clothes with him. Eddie snorted derisively at himself. At least now he knew why Barry had never wanted a ride to his apartment, as he could run faster than his car could drive him.

They had been so crazy about each other and though neither of them had said the L word yet, it had been obvious in everything they did that they were moving inexorably toward it. So much so that Eddie had had it all planned out meticulously: They'd come back from the Christmas party giddy and not just a little tipsy from all the eggnog. He'd make the proposition after they'd shucked out of their shoes and jackets, and Barry would say yes, maybe even a little breathlessly. Overwrought with happiness, he'd lead Barry back to _their_ bedroom. They'd make love and in the afterglow, gasping from the intensity of their passion, Eddie still buried deep within him, he'd peer down into those beautiful blue eyes and say the words that had been in his heart for far too long. Barry would look up at him, perhaps cup his cheek tenderly, and whisper the words back to him with sweet reverence.

But instead of a magical night together, Barry had ripped his heart out and Eddie was still trying to figure out how to put it back in place. No easy task when the person who had done the ripping was also the same person he'd sworn was _the one_. He'd never been big on the idea of soul mates, but after the universe had smacked him over the head with evidence to the contrary, he now had no idea how someone could even _begin_ to get over losing their other half. Was there another person out there for him, just as perfect as Barry, but without all the drama? Or would he spend the rest of his life searching for something he knew he could never have again?

To escape the spiral of depressing questions, he ignored them by doubling his workout time at the gym, going out for lunch or drinks with Iris -who spent most of their time together trying to talk him into forgiving Barry- and pulling long hours at work. It was usually the latter as of late, now that he and Joe were looking into Wells' past, after the incident with Rathaway at his home. Eddie hadn't been happy about it at first, not wanting to be the hypocrite by hiding what they were doing from Barry, but Joe had fed him almost the exact same line he'd fed Barry when convincing him to hide his secret identity.

It wasn't worth it to bring him into the loop until they were absolutely certain they had enough evidence against Wells to merit telling Barry, Cisco and Caitlin that the man leading their team wasn't what he seemed to be. If it turned out that Wells was on the up-and-up, they would have worried the team for nothing, and Joe didn't want to do that to them. It had only been afterward that he'd understood how easily Barry had been talked into doing what he had done, falling himself hook, line and sinker for the logic in Joe's argument. He could pretty convincing when he wanted to be.

When he had no other choice but to return home, needing sleep or a shower, or food that hadn't been procured from a drive-thru, Eddie usually ended up crashing on the couch, on the nights he didn't dare to venture back into the bedroom that. Even after all the time apart, the room still somehow smelled just like Barry. No matter how many times he washed the bedding and sprayed the place down with whatever sweet-scented air freshener he had lying around, the smell eventually returned. It was like he was sharing the place with a ghost, one that seemed impossible to exorcise, and he thought that if he finally took care of the dent in the wall, it would be the first of many steps to getting over Barry.

Sighing heavily, Eddie walked back toward the couch and plopped down onto it, stretching himself out, the dent clearly in his line of sight. He'd managed to avoid thinking about it, and everything it represented, for so long, but after Iris' voicemail, it was all he _could_ think about, the last few months in his new life without Barry.

 

* * *

 

_Three months ago..._

Eddie sat his bag down on his desk and shrugged out of his jacket to hang it on the back of his chair. Exhausted and strung out from the previous night, he sat down, not sure exactly what he was doing there, but he knew he had to be doing something, _anything_ , just to keep his mind off the fight. It was the day after Christmas, and the station was mostly empty, officers and criminals alike apparently deciding it was better to spend the day with their families. Without much going on, he picked up a pen, thinking to lose himself in some paperwork, when Joe startled him by slamming a case jacket on his desk.

Glancing up at his partner, Eddie saw the stern look on his face and his exhaustion faded, replaced immediately with anger. What right did Joe have to be upset with him, after having played a hand in breaking him and Barry up. He didn't care that ultimately, Joe had been the one to advise Barry that it was time to tell the truth, because if it hadn't been for him, all the secrecy wouldn't have been necessary in the first place. Eddie glared right back at him, but Joe wasn't moved by the hard stare, not even slightly. He pointed a stern finger at him.

"You, come with me. Now."

Groaning inwardly, Eddie put his pen down and stood up. He'd been expecting to have this conversation since he made the decision to come in to work that day, and he willing resigned himself to it, if only to speak his piece as quick as possible. Falling in line behind Joe, they left the bullpen, but instead of being led outside, or to a quiet corner in the hallway, Joe took them up the stairs. Realizing that they were headed toward Barry's lab, Eddie paused on the steps, wondering what Joe's game was.

Sensing that he was lagging behind, Joe stopped and turned around to give him an expectant look. "Problem?"

"What's going on?" Eddie asked hesitantly, thinking Joe was about to take him to the lab, where Barry would be waiting, and Joe would force them to work out their issues, refusing to let them out until they'd resolved their differences.

"We need a place to talk without anyone listening in, and because Barry decided not to come in today, his lab will be empty."

"Ah." He replied, trying to ignore the sensation of guilt creeping up on him. He wasn't the one who should have been feeling guilty, but he was still a decent human being and he hated the idea of Barry too distraught to come into work, torn up by what had happened. Or perhaps he was just too chicken to face the consequences of his actions, the wounded part of Eddie thought.

Brushing the thought away, Eddie resumed his path up the stairs and once they were safely in the lab, Joe shut the door behind him. Eddie found a chair and sat down, Joe perching on the edge Barry's desk.

Folding his arms over his chest, Joe stared down at him. "So... you know about Barry."

"Oh, yeah. I know _all_ about Barry." Eddie knew how well Barry hid behind his good intentions like a coward, letting other people dictate his actions, instead of being a man and facing his problems head on. It wasn't like he didn't know Barry was capable of such a thing, having spent so long keep the truth of his sexuality under wraps, but that decision hadn't hurt anyone but himself. Not until he'd gotten into a relationship and found himself up to his eyeballs in various secrets and lies.

"And I know _you_ told him to keep his secret from me." Eddie said bitterly.

"Damn right I did." Joe said defensively, not liking Eddie's tone. "When it came down to it, I didn't know you from Adam. And the fewer people who knew about Barry and what he could, the better off he was. Just because you were dating him didn't mean that when push came to shove, you would do the right thing and support him. Hell, _I_ don't agree with half of the operation Wells is running, but I go along with it, for Barry. Up until our little face-off with the man in yellow, I wasn't sure which way you would go, what with that task force of yours, the one you started to take Barry down. But you... you came through for him, in the end, and I told Barry it was time to bring you into the fold."

Scratching at his cheek, Eddie scoffed and shook his head, unable to believe Joe's audacity, to outright admit he'd meddled in their relationship. If he had to put up with any more good intentions, he thought he might choke on them. "So loving Barry wasn't enough to earn me the truth? It wasn't enough for you to have a higher opinion of me? I've more than proved I would do anything for him, time and again, but what, none of that was good enough for you?"

"Loving Barry was what put you in the _most_ danger, Eddie. If anyone had found out about Barry, how do you think they'd try to get back at him? By going through his family. And these people aren't just your run of the mill scumbags, as you've seen. Keeping the truth from you and Iris was the only way to keep you safe."

Eddie snorted in disbelief. "Right. Me getting beaten up was keeping me safe. Iris being taken hostage by Woodward was safe. She didn't know who the Flash was, and he _still_ took her. All the time you two spent trying to shut down her blog, perhaps the truth would have been better than lying to her about it... Perhaps if we'd been better informed about what was going on, we might have _actually_ been safe."

"Hey, I'm not saying it was the smartest call to make. Barry only sees the good in people, but me? I've been on this job for so long, all I can see is the flaws, the lies... the dark thoughts people think I can't see. And when you have kids, everything else, every _body_ else, they run a close second to protecting them from all the evil out in the world."

"Well, it's good to know my place in the world." He sniped sarcastically. "Even if dating Barry hadn't brought me into your family, Joe, I was still your _partner_. It's my job to watch your back and intentionally _not_ telling me what you were up to with these metas put your life at risk, because I wasn't there to back you up. And it put _my_ life at risk, because thanks to you, I had no idea what I could potentially be facing out there every day.

"Your disregard for my life, despite your noble intentions to protect your children, is just as unacceptable as all of Barry's lies. And if I thought I could request a reassignment without being questioned as to _why_ , I would. But unfortunately, I can't, which means we're stuck with each other. So from now on, I expect to be kept in the loop the next time one of these metas show up. No matter what happened between me and Barry, I swore an oath to protect the people of this city, by any means necessary. If that means helping you and him out, I will."

Standing up, Eddie stared Joe down, eyes hard and his jaw set. "Like I would have from the start, if you'd had a little more faith in me."

He made to march out of the lab with his head held high, but came up short when Joe called out his name. He craned his head around to look at him. "What?"

"You broke my son's heart." He thought of Barry, shuffling around the house in abject misery, hating himself for what he'd done, and what it had cost him. But if Eddie had not been so emotionally blinded to see reason, Barry wouldn't be in the state he was in now. Wrongs had been done all around, and Joe needed Eddie to know he wasn't as squeaky clean in all this as he thought he was. "As unforgivable as the choices we made may be, _that_ is equally unforgivable. You two get back together, you never speak to each other again, whichever way it goes down... you'll always be the one who broke his heart."

Eddie had no response to that, or at least no response that wouldn't lead to an all-out shouting match between them. Choosing the path of discretion, if only to keep from airing out his personal life in front of his coworkers, he simply kept his mouth shut and made his way back to the bullpen.

 

*~*~*

 

That night, Iris unexpectedly showed up at his apartment, holding a six-pack in her hand and wearing a look that said if he tried to turn her away, she'd change his mind by punching him in the face. Eddie stared at her for a moment, wondering why the hell she seemed so torn between violence against him and commiseration with him, when a light bulb went off in his head.

"Barry."

A pained expression crossed her face and she closed her eyes, trying to fight back the emotions the name brought up in her. She nodded once and Eddie, recognizing a friend in need, held open the door to let her in. Iris walked right in and set the six-pack down on the coffee table. Shutting the door, he watched her tug off her coat and throw it haphazardly over the back of the couch. Sweeping her hair back over her shoulders, she pulled two bottles from the cardboard container, sat down without a word and held out a beer for him.

"Make yourself at home." Eddie said quietly, offering Iris a smile, but it fell from his face when she got that I'm-gonna-punch-you look again. He walked over to the couch and sat down beside her, taking the proffered beer. As one, they twisted the caps off and took a drink, each of them hoping the alcohol would make things better, at least for a little while. Drawing the bottle away from his mouth, Eddie lowered his hand, swiping his thumb across the label as he waited for the alcohol take effect.

He vaguely recalled Barry talking about how because the alcohol molecules were so small, it took them less than a minute to be absorbed into the bloodstream and hit the brain, but somehow, at that moment, a minute didn't seem fast enough. He took another drink, to help hurry the process along. Peeking over at Iris, who was still chugging at her bottle like a champion, he snorted, glad he wasn't the only one who'd been thrown by the whole sordid affair.

"How did you find-"

Iris held up a finger, cutting him off and keeping him silent until she'd swallowed every last drop. When she'd polished it off, she exhaled a little _aah_ sound, closely followed by an unladylike belch, and then licked her lips. Only then did she turn to look at Eddie. "Do not speak until I have a lot more booze in me." She leaned forward, placing the empty bottle into the slot she'd gotten it from before snatching up a second bottle. She cracked it open and began working on number two.

Eddie arched a brow, not sure whether to be impressed or concerned. Iris could more than hold her own when it came to alcohol, and Eddie always figured she'd picked up the skill in the same place most people learned to do some pretty hard drinking, somewhere along the line in her college career. In all the time he'd known her though, he'd never seen her put it away so quickly. He didn't want to make her angry by suggesting she slow down, but he didn't want to see her start binge drinking either. Going for the middle ground between the two choices, Eddie reached over and put a hand on her leg.

"Look, I get that you're upset, I am, too, but it's no reason-"

"I'm not _upset_ ," Iris said, after dropping the bottle from her lips, "I'm _pissed_. At the _both_ of you. But the only way to have an adult conversation without blowing my top is to be inebriated." She motioned to the case of beer. "I figured three for me, three for you, _then_ we can do the whole sharing our feelings thing."

"Why are you mad at _me_? I didn't-"

"Oh, you most certainly _did._ You may be completely in the clear in my opinion, because I'm not sure I wouldn't have reacted the same way if he was _my_ boyfriend, but that's _still_ my brother. He may be the most massive jerkwad in existence right now and the current number one on my shit-list, but all he's done all day is cry over what happened! It's his own damn fault, but _you_ broke up with _him_ , which pisses _me_ off."

"You're taking his side, even after he lied to the both of us?"

"I'm not taking anyone's side but my own! I want to kick you _both_ in the balls for being such stupid idiots. But neither of you are really in the position for a good ass kicking at the moment. So we drink." She took another pull from her bottle and Eddie followed suit, thinking perhaps she was right. With a few beers in them, they'd be less inclined to start screaming at each other and more inclined to speak from the heart, without any inhibitions.

They sat in a moderately companionable silence, drinking their beers and thinking their thoughts. Eddie had no hopes of catching up to Iris, so instead of trying to race her to the finish line, he took his time, getting himself nice and buzzed. By the time he'd started on his last beer, Iris was nursing the last few swallows of hers. She'd stretched herself out as best she could to get comfortable, head leaned back on the cushions, her eyes closed as she rode the gentle waves of her own buzz.

"They way you're tossing 'em back, if I didn't know any better," Eddie started, swiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, "I'd think _you_ were the one who'd just been dumped."

"In a way, it kinda feels like it." Iris said morosely. "It's been so long since I've had anyone in my life who cared about me the way you guys cared about each other." She cracked open an eye to peek over at Eddie. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable being single but... just seeing you two together and _happy_... it gave me hope that I'd find that for myself some day. And now that you're over, I don't know what to think."

"Which I'm guessing is why you want to do harm to my," Eddie waved a hand over his groin hesitantly, feeling a little weird talking about his genitals with Iris, "y'know."

"Mmmh. And why I want to do the same to Barry. If he doesn't die from dehydration before I get to him, that is." Iris opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, as if seeking guidance from on-high. "I just can't _believe_ he's the Flash... or that he hid it from us for _so_ long."

Eddie exhaled a laugh. "Or that your dad helped him do it."

"Ugh, don't even get me _started_ on my dad. I mean..." Iris sighed. "I get _why_ they both did it, in their own convoluted ways, but every time they try to explain it away, it's like they think it'll get rid of how much it hurt to be lied to. All the times Barry ran off and made excuses for bailing, or all the times my dad covered for him? Knowing the truth _hurts_."

She'd hit the nail right on the head and Eddie shifted around to look at her. "You know what your father said to me? He said that he couldn't be sure what I would have done if I'd learned Barry's secret, like I would take that information and use it _against_ him. And after _that_ confidence booster, he then went all protective dad on me and accused me of breaking Barry's heart! What about _my_ heart? Does how _I_ feel just not matter to him?"

Iris pointed a finger at him. "I'll do you one better... After I confronted him, he said he made Barry promise not to tell me because he didn't think I could handle myself it something happened to me! As if he forgot that _I_ was the one who took down Tony!" She made a face. "Yeah, sure, Barry helped soften him up, but _I'm_ the one who finished the job! If it hadn't been for me, he might have ended up with more than just a broken arm! But _no_ , I can't _handle myself_." She made air quotes with her fingers, though they were a bit sloppy, considering.

That brought Eddie's train of thought to a screeching halt. "He broke his arm taking Woodward down?" He'd seen Barry after that fight, and he had been fine, no sign that he'd been in a fight. Iris gave him a dirty look and he quickly amended the question. "He broke his arm helping _you_ take Woodward down?"

"Mmh. Fun fact: Not only can Barry run really fast, he _heals_ really fast. And eats fast. Turns out his insane carbo loading actually serves a purpose."

"Huh." At least now he knew, thinking back on all the Flash sightings and their corresponding interactions afterward, how Barry never had a scratch on him. He quickly got himself back on topic, not wanting to get lost on the things Barry had apparently been keeping from him, beyond just him being the Flash. "At any rate,  _you_ were the one who tried to talk Barry down when he went psycho on me. It didn't exactly work, but it did buy us enough time for the Arrow to show up." If it hadn't been for Iris and Starling City's resident vigilante, he very well could have died on that deserted road, the victim of Barry's meta-induced rage.

Brow furrowing at the mention of the Arrow, Iris pursed her lips. "Do you think Barry knows who he is? Underneath the hood, that is."

Shrugging a shoulder, Eddie's mouth turned down in contemplation. "He had to have already been in town and knew something had happened to Barry, because I don't think he made the trip from Starling to Central City _that_ quickly. Barry's the one with the super speed, not him. Makes sense it would be someone he was acquainted with."

Iris lifted her head up and peered over at Eddie, the wheels turning in her head as she did the math. "You don't think..."

Eddie tried to follow her train of thought, which took some time, given the alcohol coursing pleasantly through his system. Someone Barry knew from Starling City, who had come to town after Bivolo had robbed the bank. He blinked. " _No_... that's impossible."

"Pfft. If there's one thing I've learned in the last twenty-four hours, it's that _nothing's_ impossible anymore."

"How much you wanna bet that Joe knows who he is, too?"

"Yeah, well... we made it this far without knowing what was really going on and lived to tell the tale, so screw them. Barry, my dad, _and_ the Arrow."

"Amen to that." Eddie leaned in to clink bottles with Iris and she gladly toasted him, lifting the bottle to her lips to down what was left inside. Eddie finished off what was left of his beer, while Iris idly picked at the sodden label on hers.

"Still... it had to suck, keeping his secret to himself for so long. Barry was always _really_ bad at lying." She sighed. "It's how I knew what Barry said happened to his mom was real, even when my dad and all the shrinks said he was just confused." Iris thought back to the day she and Barry had fought about her blog, when he'd said that he had put all the crazy conspiracies behind him, because he just wanted to live his life to the fullest after the accident. He'd lied with a straight face about the one thing she'd always supported him in, in effort to convince her to shut down the site.

It tore her up inside, realizing the lengths Barry had gone to, to lie to her, to protect her, thinking she'd be better off not knowing. She had to believe that Barry had been just as torn up, resorting to such a low tactic, just to make sure she stayed safe, because the Barry she knew and loved would have never done such a cold-blooded thing without a good reason. A tear slipped down her cheek. "I want to hate him, Eddie." She said quietly. "He's my best friend in the whole world and I want so _badly_ to hate him. But I can't."

"Even after everything he did?" Eddie asked, surprised at her admission.

"It's _because_ of what he did. Sure, he was wrong to lie to us and you best _believe_ that I'm gonna make Barry _pay_ for it, but really think about _why_ he did it."

"Uh... because of everything we _just_ said. Joe thought I would betray Barry and he thought you were too weak to defend yourself against all the metas."

"That was my dad. And he'll get his... But I'm talking about _Barry_. He only would have gone along with it if he _truly_ thought us not knowing was the best thing. He's a horrible liar and everyone knew it, but he did his best to keep up the charade anyway. I mean, he made up a _fake condition_ to make us believe he was a Grade A spazz, just to cover his ass, because he believed with all his heart that there was a good reason for being a dick. I just... I don't know what to think, honestly, but I know I can't hate him."

He took a minute to process that, to actually look at the situation not from his perspective, but from Barry's. Thrust into a role he'd never asked for because of an accident and forced to choose between putting those he loved in danger by telling them the truth, or putting them in danger by lying to them.

"Shut up." Eddie said, when the pragmatic reason started making him uncomfortable. When Iris arched a brow, he cracked a grin. "You're making too much sense for someone who's had as much alcohol as you've had."

"I think that was kinda the point of all this."

"Be that as it may... you may not be able to hate him, but me?" Eddie glanced away, swallowing down the lump that had formed in his throat. Even playing devil's advocate in his mind, it didn't stop the heartache he felt. "I loved him." He choked out quietly. "And he didn't love me back enough to trust that I would never turn him away just because he was different." He began thinking of his father, who had shut him out of his life, after he'd come out of the closet, and Eddie knew that pain of being rejected well enough to never do the same thing to anyone else, no matter who they were.

Iris reached out and slipped her hand into Eddie's, twining their fingers together. "Loved?" She asked, questioning the tense he'd used. "So just like that, in one day, you can shut it off, and act like the last four months never happened? That you two weren't happy together? One lie, good intentions or no, and it's enough to throw away _everything_ you had?"

Clenching his jaw, Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the tears. He hadn't been able to just shut it off, the love he had in his heart for Barry, but knowing he'd been willingly deceived, it soured those feelings irrevocably. Eddie would probably never just _stop_ loving Barry, but he'd probably never be rid of the pain of what he'd done either. It was too much and Eddie thought there was nothing anyone could do to fix the rift between them.

"Yes." He said, after a long silence, and the blunt answer burned through him like acid.

Iris looked at Eddie sadly, hurting for him. He may have stated the word with conviction, but she had to believe he was lying to himself, to protect himself from the heart break. But she couldn't give up on him, just like she couldn't give up on Barry. Just because she wanted Barry to suffer for being an asshat didn't mean she wanted him to be unhappy, or lose the man he loved.

She scooted across the couch and leaned her head on Eddie's shoulder. After a second, he tilted his head over hers, seeking out the solace in her presence. "Liar." Iris said, with no malice or accusation. She only wanted Eddie to see that for all of Barry's lies, he was lying to himself about how he truly felt, which was just as bad.

Eddie rolled his eyes, not missing the underlying message, not at all. He just ignored it, because if he tried to analyze the truth in it, he would break down and he didn't want Iris to witness that. "Shut up." He repeated softly. 

"Yeah, I know. There I go, making sense again." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "How dare I?"

Eddie just laughed, if only to keep himself from bursting into tears.

 

*~*~*

 

Iris walked in to the house a few hours later and shut the door as softly as she could behind her, not wanting to disturb anyone, given the lateness of the hour. Tugging her purse off her shoulder and pulling off her coat, she tossed them onto the couch on her way toward the kitchen. She paused when she spotted Barry seated at the dining room table, cheek resting on his closed fist as he stabbed pitifully at the leftovers on his dinner plate with a fork. His eyes were red-rimmed, face puffy from crying and there was a collection of balled up tissues scattered about the table. He looked absolutely wretched and Iris couldn't even be mad at him for putting himself in the situation, not wanting to be the one to kick a person when they were down.

Still, something was nagging at her and Iris shifted her stance, folding her arms across her chest. "Is Oliver Queen the Arrow?"

Barry jumped a foot in the air and rounded on her, looking absolutely scandalized. " _What_?" He asked, eyes wide, clutching the fork in his hand as though it were a weapon against the question. "Who told you that?!"

Groaning at the indirect confirmation, Iris threw her hands in the air. "Oh, my _God_ , you are the _worst_! How did you manage to hide you being the Flash for _so_ long when you can't even protect someone _else's_ identity?"

Stuttering for an answer, Barry gaped at her, a string of nonsense sounds escaping his lips. Iris shook her head and stormed off into the kitchen, wondering how she hadn't been able to see what had been right under her nose all this time. Perhaps she'd wanted to be fooled, or perhaps she'd never considered that Barry, of all people, would be the one to mislead the people in his life about who he really was.

Iris then remembered how scared Barry had been, telling her that he preferred men just as much as he preferred women, confessing that he'd hid it from everyone because he was afraid the truth would drive them away. After the accident, he'd found himself afraid for the second time in his life that an essential part of him would be met with scorn. But he'd been wrong about his sexuality and he'd been wrong about this, too. She and Eddie had agreed that they would support Barry as the Flash, but Iris couldn't help but think that it would take a long time before they ever looked at him the same way again.

Pouring herself a glass of water, she took a sip and set the glass on the counter. "Do you think you could convince the Arrow to do an interview with me?" She called out, biting back a grin. "You know, as a way to make it up to me for being a jerk?"

When Barry began babbling indignantly in the other room, vehemently reminding her that Oliver was a dick and that his muscles weren't _that_ big, Iris shook her head at how ridiculous he was being. Okay, maybe it wouldn't take that long for things to return to normal. At least not for her, at any rate.

Eddie was another story entirely and she wondered when the two idiots would realize they were killing themselves over losing each other before they came back to their senses.

 

*~*~*

 

It was almost two months later before Eddie got his first taste of the sheer magnitude of what Barry had been dealing with. It was one thing to catch common criminals on a fairly regular basis, with an occasional meta thrown in to spice things up a bit, but it was another when Leonard Snart made his inglorious return to Central City. After Caitlin had been kidnapped, Joe, Barry, and himself had kicked their investigation into overdrive, trying to find who Snart was working with, and where they had taken her. Eddie's footwork answered the former, while the answer to the latter came when they saw the hacked feed Snart was broadcasting across the city.

They all stared at the screen, transfixed as Snart called out the Flash, while Caitlin fought fruitlessly against Rory's hold in the background. Horrified, he turned to look at Barry and felt his blood run cold when he saw the expression of barely contained rage on Barry's face.

They had taken Caitlin to get at Barry, and it was his worst fear come true. Someone had discovered those in his inner circle and was viciously using them against him. Eddie glanced away in chagrin. It had been Barry's argument, keeping his secret identity from him, to protect him and Iris from those who would seek to do either of them harm, to keep them shielded from the strange new world that had taken shape after the accelerator explosion, and Eddie now understood why he'd gone to such lengths to hide who he was.

If it had been _him_ who'd been affected by the explosion, and Barry who had been struggling against Rory, the anger and guilt over putting him that position would have been overwhelming. And just like that, _actually_ seeing things from Barry's point of view, Eddie felt ashamed. He still thought he should have been told from the get-go, if only because he was on the front lines against the super-charged forces seeking to do the city harm, but now, seeing the worst-case scenario played out in real life, he finally understood the reasoning behind Barry's actions.

When the hack ended, he faced Joe and Barry. "This is good. We know from the feed that they're keeping her somewhere in the warehouse district. That narrows down our search area considerably. If we can find out exactly where she is, we can get Caitlin back."

Joe pointed a finger at him, picking up on his thread. "Right. Snart's running a two man team now, instead of a whole crew, so while they're out on the streets waiting for the Flash to show up, there will be no one guarding Caitlin." He switched his gaze to Barry. "I'll get a hold of Cisco, see if he can slap something together to find out which warehouse they've got her in. In the meantime... you best prepare yourself for the smackdown."

Barry managed a tight, pained smile and balled his hands into fists at his side. "Mine or theirs?"

"You're the one that's been training non-stop." Joe replied encouragingly, though he knew the reason Barry had thrown himself into training wasn't just to prepare for his next face-off with the man in yellow, but to take his mind off the breakup. He placed a hand on Barry's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Safe money's on you wiping the floor with them."

Taking in a deep breath, Barry gaze his eyes briefly over to Eddie's, desperately needing his support in this. Eddie nodded his head once in solidarity. There was a life on the line, and whether it was Caitlin or a stranger who'd been plucked off the streets, it was no time for clinging to grudges or hurts. They were with him, ready to do whatever was needed of them, to help him get Caitlin back and put Snart behind bars.

The cordon had been set up, squad cars blocking off both sides of Main Street, and all the gathered officers were waiting with bated breath for the show to begin. For every two officers who believed the Flash was real, there was one who thought Snart was on drugs and was tilting at imaginary windmills. When the clock struck the appointed hour, they all watched with bated breath as Snart and Rory strolled out of one of the building's parking decks to the center of the road, their guns at the ready. 

There was a crackle of energy and something sped between Eddie and Singh, snapping the yellow police tape in half, sending the broken strands fluttering in the faint night breeze. The wind shear sent him and Singh stumbling back a step.

"Did you see that? That was _him_!" An officer exclaimed in awe. "That was the Flash!"

Singh wore an expression of muted surprise, but managed to display a little more decorum than those under his command. "I don't believe it..." He said, keeping his tone even, to set an example for the rest of his men. They weren't out for an ice cream social and he wanted them to keep their wits about them.

"Believe it." Eddie told him, unable to keep the bitterness completely out of his voice as he watched Barry emerged from the streak of amber lightning, directly in front of Snart and Rory. Seeing really was believing and he just wished that when he'd seen the truth for himself, he'd been able to have the same reaction as his fellow officers, who were whispering to each other like excited teenagers. A helicopter buzzed over them, searchlight bathing the street almost in a light almost as bright as the midday sun, making sure everyone could see what was about to go down.

Even as far back as they were, Eddie could still hear Snart's voice and though the words were indistinct, the glib tone made it more than apparent that he was taunting Barry. Nothing like a little monologuing to get things started.

Then the mayhem began as Snart and Rory opened fire on him. Eddie, along with everyone else, just stood there, unable to do anything else but watch the macabre showdown. Barry was too fast for the both of them, but they quickly adapted, Snart using his gun to ice the sidewalk where Barry was running. A fire hydrant burst in Barry's path, sending him careening into a parked car.

"Come on, Bar, get up." Eddie muttered under his breath when Rory shot a gout of flame at the car. The gas tank ignited from the heat and the explosion rocked the block. For a panicked moment, Eddie thought Barry had been caught in the blast, but a bright yellow streak circled around them and he breathed out a sigh of relief.

It was short-lived however, when he heard a familiar voice calling out his name. Eddie turned around to find Iris pushing her way past the gathered officers to get to him.

"Iris! You shouldn't be here!"

"I know, but they closed down Jitters and ordered everyone to evacuate." She lowered her voice and leaned in closer to him. "How's he doing?"

"Hard to say." Eddie glanced over his shoulder, heart racing in his chest as he saw Barry almost get taken out by another burst of flame. "It's not safe here, Iris. You need to go!" He said, turning back to her. Any response she had died on her lips when twin flares of blue and red lit up the night. Eddie spun around to see Barry running up the side of a building -a surreal event to witness, to say the least- to avoid the blasts.

"We need to expand the evac perimeter," Singh said, eyes riveted on the light show, "before Rory blows up the whole block."

"No," Eddie replied firmly, stepping away from Iris to march toward Singh. "We can't let this spread." It was bad enough they'd caused this much damage on just one city block. If Singh gave them more room to duke it out, they could leave the whole city a disaster area.

Eddie returned his gaze to the melee just in time to see Snart shoot Barry straight in the chest, sending him spiraling to the ground, where he stayed, writhing in pain. Pinned down, Snart and Rory advanced on him slowly, taking the time to relish the moment before they finished him off.

"Oh, my God.."

This time, there was no Arrow to swoop in and save the day, and looking around, Eddie saw that no one else was going to help either. Without thinking, he grabbed for one of the shields that Cisco had retrofitted to withstand Snart's gun, left at the perimeter in case Snart got too close for comfort during the death match. Shouldering it the best he could, Eddie ran head first into the fray.

" _Eddie_!" Iris cried, once she realized what he was about to do.

"Thawne!" Singh shouted. "What are you doing?"

Ignoring them both, Eddie rushed down the sidewalk, using the cover of the parked cars to hide his approach. Edging around the front bumper of an SUV once he was parallel to Barry, he made certain neither Snart or Rory had seen him before sucking in a breath to gather his courage. Letting the breath out, he darted out into the street, raising the shield as he dove toward Barry, just as a stream of ice and fire was unleashed upon him. 

Covering Barry with his body, hemming him in the best he could behind the shield, Eddie grit his teeth against the onslaught. "Hold on!" He shouted as the shield wavered in his grip. For a brief moment, he feared that it wouldn't hold up, having been designed for extreme cold, not extreme heat, but before he knew what was happening, Eddie found himself being slammed into a wall.

Barry had sped them out of the line of fire, but in such a narrow field of play, he hadn't had much room to hit the brakes. Eddie's vision began to swim, head aching from where it had hit the wall and he slowly pushed himself back onto his feet, to continue the fight. He was pushed back again before he'd regained his footing, and blinking in confusion, he saw a blurry version of Barry glaring at him.

"Stay put!" He commanded harshly. He didn't even wait for a response, rushing back out on the street by himself to finish what had been started.

It took a moment for Eddie to clear his head and get the stars dancing in front of his eyes to disappear. When he heard Barry let out a gut-wrenching cry, Eddie threw caution into the wind and dashed to the edge of the sidewalk just in time to see Rory and Snart going flying through the air.

Barry, suit smoldering and nearly ruined from the numerous hits he'd taken, marched over to Snart with a single-minded determination. Eddie swiftly unholstered his sidearm and went running toward Barry as he started trading barbs with Snart, who was lying prone on the sidewalk, defeated. Coming up behind Barry, Eddie brought his gun to bear, putting Snart directly in the cross-hairs. 

Barry sensed his presence and turned halfway to give him an assessing glance, making sure he was all right. Satisfied that he hadn't gotten hurt, Barry's lips ticked up in a quick smile. "Thank you, detective." He said appreciatively, before he disappeared in a streak of light, the breeze created by his exit sending Eddie's tie fluttering in the wind.

Eddie found himself grinning and he reached a hand back to grab the handcuffs from the case clipped to his belt, not taking his eyes off Snart once as he did so.

 

*~*~*

 

At the station, Eddie walked in behind the team leading Snart and Rory to holding, the applause of his fellow officers more than drowning out Rory's enraged shouts. The celebration was briefly interrupted by Rory trying to break free, but there was only one of him, versus a couple dozen officers, and the attempt was cut short. Amidst the furor of the crowd, Eddie's eyes found Barry, standing apart from everyone else, playing the role of uninvolved lab nerd, his arms folded over his chest.

Barry gave him a subtle nod when their gazes met. "Nice work, Eddie."

"It wasn't me," Eddie declared loudly, for Barry and everyone to hear, "It was the Flash." They might not have been together anymore, but Eddie needed to make sure that Barry understood that any bad blood with his alternate persona was all water under the bridge. The work Barry was doing was more important than any task force or lover's quarrel, and Eddie would be true to his word in helping him. He would never be so selfish as to withhold his assistance because of a broken heart, not if it meant breaking his oaths as an officer. He would do the job, and do it well, because it was the right thing to do.

Barry's eyes widened almost comically. Eddie's dedication to improving his arrest count was well known around the bullpen -and the main source of the jokes made about him- and for him to outright state that despite being the arresting officer, he was giving the credit to someone else, it was huge. Something like hope flared in chest, but before it could solidify into anything concrete, Eddie turned to handed off the heat and cold guns to Cisco and promptly walked away. Swallowing thickly, Barry distracted himself from the pain of the brush-off by watching Singh make peace with Cisco and shake his hand.

 _At least_ some _people in Central City were getting along_ , he thought to himself sadly, making his way out of the bullpen. He'd saved the city and people were excited to know that the Flash truly did exist, but despite the overwhelming support and having everyone on his side, Barry had never felt more alone in his life.

 

* * *

 

Tossing back the last swallow of his beer, Eddie set the bottle down on the bar and glanced around the place. After making the decision to do his home repairs himself, he'd gone out to buy the spackle and putty knife necessary to fill in the dent, and had decided to stop at the bar down the road from his apartment after he'd made his purchases. He'd stayed a lot longer than he'd intended to, and after last call, the place had begun emptying out, leaving only the stragglers who hadn't scored a hook-up or found an after-party left behind. He knew it was past time to be getting home, but he didn't want to go home alone, not wanting to feel how lonely the place had become, despite the lingering presence of Barry that had somehow been left behind after the fallout.

All of his struggles to put the past behind him and move on had been tough, but after listening to Iris' voicemail, he might as well have been pushing a boulder uphill. She'd left the message when he'd been at work, around the time he'd been trying to talk down a jumper. He'd found himself unable to delete it, even though it crushed a piece of him every time he heard it, knowing now what Barry had been doing, prior to when he'd raced in out of the blue to bring the jumper back to terra firma.

" _Eddie, I thought you should know... Barry met this girl, Linda. I don't know the how or the where, but she works here at Picture News and they're going on a date tonight. She's actually... a great person, but Jesus. If you don't get off your ass and go after Barry, you're gonna lose him for good. Don't think I don't know that you still care about him, because I have functioning eyesight, which means I can see how you look at him when he's not watching. Look... I know you're still upset with him, and I don't blame you, I was upset, too. Keyword in the sentence being_ was _. I said it before, and I'll keep saying it, until you realize I'm right and that you're a jackass: I decided holding on to a-"_

Iris had been cut off by the time limit for voice messages, but undeterred, she had dutifully called him back, to continue reaming him out.

" _Sorry, your voicemail sucks. Anyway, I had a lot of evaluating to do, personally and of my friendship with Barry, and I decided that holding a grudge wasn't worth losing what we had. A grudge won't take me out for a drink to celebrate getting a new article printed, or listen when I've had a bad day and need to vent. I wanted my friend back and that friendship was worth forgiving him for lying to us all. If you're truly over Barry, that's your choice and so be it. But I know that's not the case, so you need to find it in yourself to forgive him, before things with Linda get serious. If you don't come to your senses soon, it'll be too late."_

Hence why he'd made the decision to go to the bar after the hardware store, to dull the pain Iris' messages had caused. Barry had found someone else and was getting on with his life, and the knowledge had infuriated him. _Barry_ was the one who'd messed things up between them, _he'd_ been the one to put them both in an emotional quagmire, and yet somehow, some way, he'd rebounded like nothing had happened, while Eddie was left putting the pieces of his life back together. He'd had the thought that if he found a warm body to drown his sorrows in, he could start the journey of getting over Barry, to prove to Iris, and anyone else who cared what happened between the two of them, that he was no longer carrying a torch for him. The thought hadn't exactly panned out however.

There had been plenty of guys to talk to when he'd first arrived, but once they'd gotten past the greetings and pleasantries and started with the flirting, Eddie would begin feeling sick to his stomach. He'd start buzzing, his skin feeling like it had shrunk a few sizes, as though his brain were telling the rest of his body that it was doing something it shouldn't have been doing.

Because of it, he'd found a stool at the end the of the bar and remained there for the rest of the night, sitting by himself, ignoring the guys trying to make a pass at him, slowly drinking his problems away, since he apparently couldn't fuck them away. A few casual acquaintances had stopped by, to say hello and catch up, but once they realized he was in a special kind of funk, they left just as quickly as they'd arrived. Eddie felt bad for blowing them off, but he just didn't have it in him to make small talk, not with all the questions swirling around his head. Had Iris been right about him? Was he still hung up on Barry, but had fooled himself into thinking that it was just because he was healing from the end of a serious relationship? Was he throwing away a good thing just so he could hold on to his pride?

Numb from more than just the alcohol in his system, he shifted in his seat to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. Peeling off a few bills to cover his tab and a tip for the bartender who thankfully hadn't tried to be a walking cliché and get him to open up, he spied one of the last few patrons sitting at the other end of the bar, giving him a knowing look. Eddie stared openly at him. With his lithe frame, upturned nose and short-cropped brown hair done up to look like bedhead, he could have been mistaken for a close relative of Barry's.

His face wasn't as narrow, the cheekbones not as pronounced, his eyes weren't as expressive, nor his appearance just as youthful, but there was definitely a passing resemblance. Setting his money down, Eddie cleared his throat and stood up. The guy noticed, smiling coyly at him as he made his way down the bar, and Eddie saw that the smile wasn't the same either. When Barry tried to play at being seductive, his smile always ended up being more hilarious than sexy. Eddie had loved it, the pureness of his smiles, the subtle aura of innocence that belied his heated stares-

Eddie cut off that train of thought. Barry wasn't innocent, or pure. He was a liar, and not worth the emotional torment. Heart turning to stone in his chest, Eddie walked past the man at the bar -who frowned when he realized he was being turned down- and walked right out the door. He'd wanted to get over Barry and he couldn't do that by sleeping with someone who looked liked him. It would only end up making things worse, not better. But as much as Barry apparently had a thing for blondes, Eddie was well aware of his own type. Most of the guys he'd been with had shared Barry's coloring and build, and if he was going to rebound with anyone, it had to be with someone outside of his wheelhouse.

Walking down the street, the cool night air taking the edge off his drunkenness, he idly hoped no uniforms stopped him after spotting his ambling gait. They'd most likely look the other way, out of professional courtesy, but the idea of the embarrassment in being caught toeing the line of public intoxication helped to sober him up a bit. Stopping at corner of the block, Eddie waited for the light to turn so he could cross -not wanting to add jaywalking to his imaginary police stop- and spotted a figure out of the corner of his eye, leaning against a light post.

Turning his head to get a proper look at him, Eddie thought he remembered seeing him inside the bar. He was tall, lanky blonde, a long leg propped up against the post as he texted away on his phone, and in the waxen glow of the overhead light, Eddie saw that his neatly trimmed hair had hints of red in it, the bright screen of his phone reflecting off his trendy wire-framed glasses. He wasn't Eddie's type but he wasn't unattractive, and right then, both of those things were all that mattered.

Sensing he was being watched, the man glanced up at him and Eddie offered him a wavering grin. "Hey." He said, hoping the word wasn't too slurred.

The guy smiled back at him, like he'd just made his night and lowered his phone to give him his undivided attention. "Hey."

 

* * *

 

Parking his car on the curb outside Joe's house, Eddie hopped out and headed up the sidewalk. He'd intended to pull into the driveway, but Caitlin's car was currently occupying the spot behind Joe's car. Eddie wondered what she was doing there, but figured he'd get his answer shortly. He knocked on the door, waiting only a moment before it was opened by Barry.

Things between them had been marginally less awkward as of late, but after his encounter the other night with the man outside the bar, something clenched inside of him. After a moment of guilty hesitation, though he was well aware he had no reason to feel guilty at all, Eddie slapped on a friendly smile with practiced ease, treating Barry as if he were just another coworker he had to be polite to. "Hey, is Joe around?"

"Uh, yeah, come on in."

Stepping into the foyer, Eddie saw Caitlin and a man he didn't know standing by Joe, all of them looking like he'd just broken up a clandestine planning session for some nefarious deed. "Hi, Caitlin." He said, a bit apprehensively, wondering what he'd just walked in on. "Who's your friend?"

Caitlin opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the guy beating her to the punch. He stuck out his hand. "I'm Sam. Caitlin's cousin... I'm just in town visiting from... Hub City."

Eddie traded grips with him, arching a brow at Caitlin questioningly, as none of what had come out of his mouth had sounded even remotely believable. His tone of voice and body language were all wrong, setting off alarm bells in Eddie's head.

Caitlin simply rolled her eyes when she saw the look on Eddie's face and placed a hand on _Sam's_ forearm when they released each other from the handshake. "Ronnie, it's okay. Eddie knows about... everything." She looked back to Eddie. "Eddie, this is Ronnie Raymond."

Blinking at that, Eddie flicked his gaze between the both of them, stunned by the revelation. "Ronnie... as in the dead fiancé Ronnie?"

Ronnie snorted and turned to glance over his shoulder at Joe, who'd asked nearly the same question. "Seems to be the general consensus, but yeah."

"Well... nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise." Ronnie said and it sounded much more sincere than his on-the-spot cover identity.

They all stood around in a few seconds of silence, no one really sure where to take the conversation and finally, Joe cleared his throat, the sound cutting through the tension like a knife. "So, what did you need, Eddie?"

"Uh, I need to have a word with you... in private." Eddie motioned toward the front porch, the only place not packed with people who were directly connected to S.T.A.R. Labs.

"Sure thing. If you guys will excuse us for a minute."

Ronnie and Caitlin stepped aside to let Joe pass between them, trading looks with Barry as they did so. Eddie caught the glances and realized he should have been a bit more subtle in asking to speak with Joe. If anything, he should have waited until they were at the station, when no one would have questioned the two of them having a quiet conversation. They'd been trying to keep their investigation on the down-low, and now he just hoped that after he'd left, Joe would be able to explain away what he'd been doing there.

Joe opened the front door so they could head out onto the porch, just as Iris had been reaching for the knob from the outside. She laughed at the timing and re-situated the bag of groceries in her arms. "Dad, hi!" Iris spied everyone inside the house and the grin on her face faltered briefly. "You forgot I was making dinner tonight, didn't you?"

"No, not at all, sweetie. Just some... unexpected guests."

"Oh. Well, good thing there's enough to go around." Iris' eyes fell on Eddie. "Are you staying for dinner, too?" She asked hopefully, gaze sliding over to Barry, who was standing behind him, doing his best to pretend that he wasn't staring at Eddie's back.

"As delightful as your cooking is, sadly, I have to head back to the station. I'm just here to talk to your dad real quick, before I go."

"Why don't you head on inside, Iris. Go meet Ronnie. Since he's staying here for a while, I'm sure he'll be glad to help you out."

Ronnie raised his hand in greeting and Iris offered him a smile in return. Joe put a hand on her elbow and guiding her inside. "Caitlin will fill you in."

Caitlin stepped forward to help Iris with the groceries and leaned in conspiratorially. "You just gotta promise not to write an article about it."

Iris' smile brightened considerably. She looked over at Ronnie with renewed interest, making him shuffle nervously under the scrutiny. Barry groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, glaring at Caitlin with one eye peeking out between his fingers. She'd basically chummed the waters with intrigue about what Ronnie was and Iris was the predatory shark, hungry for a juicy meal.

Chuckling at the four of them, Joe moved out onto the porch and shut the door, giving them the privacy Eddie had asked for. The chuckles subsided when he saw the no-nonsense expression on Eddie's face, and he gave himself a mental shake, preparing himself for the bad news.

"What's up, partner?"

"You heard about the raid at Jitters last night, right?"

"Mm-hmm. You can thank my new house guest for that. General Eiling is back in town. Ronnie's a meta and Eiling tried to scoop him up. Lucky for him, Barry showed up and managed to put the kibosh on that. Got himself skewered in the process, but y'know, he heals fast."

Eddie turned his head to look back into the house through the glass door lights. He opened his mouth to ask what exactly had happened, but stopped short when he spotted Barry, sitting on the landing of the staircase that led up to the second floor of the house, staring back out at him with an odd expression on his face. Heart leaping his chest, Eddie held his gaze for several seconds before abruptly breaking it, giving Joe his full attention.

"I guess that answers one question." He asked, forcing his thoughts back on track.

Joe's mouth ticked up in a _you're-not-fooling-anyone_ smirk, but humored him nonetheless. "And what's that?"

"A uniform spotted Wells' car heading toward the Army base a little while ago. He only mentioned it in passing because he knew that we knew each other and wanted to know if he was out there to dissect some aliens. I thought it was interesting that hours after a hushed-up military raid on a civilian establishment, Wells was going to visit the base. Now you're saying Eiling's back and interesting just became suspicious."

"Barry told me before that Eiling and Wells worked together once, back in the day, before they had a falling out. But I'm guessing that he's not over there to catch up on the good times."

"You said the blood at Barry's old house didn't match Wells." Eddie put his hands on his hips, peering at Joe intently. "So maybe he's not Nora's killer and we're chasing our tails on that one, but something about _this_  definitely doesn't feel right." It pained him to say, as he'd gotten to know Wells during the course of Barry's stay at S.T.A.R. Labs, and while he seemed a bit eccentric -like all people of great intellect usually were- nothing about him screamed dastardly villain. He'd always seemed to be a nice guy, doing all that he could to help Barry, and by proxy, Central City. Until all the coincidences and bizarre occurrences started stacking up around him, all but forming into a large neon sign declaring that Wells wasn't everything he appeared to be.

Scratching at his goatee, Joe did some mental calculations and after a few minutes, came to a conclusion. "Okay, for now, we just gotta keep it close to the chest, and see how this plays out. We don't have any real evidence one way or another about Wells' real motivations, so making a play now would just show our hand. For all we know, he could just be out there to tell Eiling to get out of his sandbox." Joe didn't believe for a moment that Wells had less than pure intentions in going to see the general, but without anything concrete to go on, they were just taking shots in the dark.

"And if he isn't?"

"Then it's just another nail in his coffin." Joe replied firmly, bound and determined to prove once and for all that all his suspicions about Wells were well-founded. He suddenly had a new appreciation for how Barry had felt for all those years, believing with all his heart that his father was innocent, despite everyone else telling him he was crazy. _Karma_ _is a bitch_ , he thought wryly.

Eddie flashed a brief grin and nodded. "I'll head back to the station, to put my ear to the ground. Eiling tries to mobilize again, I'll call you." Easier said than done, considering the attack on Jitters had barely made the news, but like hell he'd let Eiling take another crack at Ronnie, or Barry. He flicked his eyes back to where he'd seen Barry watching them, only to find that he was on the phone, all smiles and laughter.

Eddie quietly said his goodbye to Joe and headed down the front steps, telling himself that he didn't care. He didn't care that Barry was seeing someone else, and he didn't care that the brilliant smile that had once been reserved for him was now for Linda. Barry was a liar and they had broken up because of it, so he could do and see and smile at whomever he wanted. If Barry could move on without a care in the world, then so could he.

 _I don't care_ , he repeated, attempting to negate the pain of how much it hurt him inside to see Barry so happy, _I_ don't _care_.

 

*~*~*

 

Eddie knew he was dreaming, for two main reasons. The first was that he was in his apartment, sitting at the kitchen table, but it wasn’t his kitchen, not entirely. It was as if someone had cut out his kitchen and pasted the kitchen from his grandmother's house in its place. It was physically impossible, as it was twice the size of his _actual_ kitchen, but somehow, when he looked around, he saw how it blended seamlessly with the rest of the apartment, despite the difference in scale. The floral pattern tile had replaced the plain white he was used to, and the counters were line with the large ceramic containers she kept her baking supplies stored in. Even the cookie jar she kept hidden from him and his cousins was tucked away above the cabinets, where no greedy little fingers could reach, no matter how hard they'd tried.

The second reason he knew he was dreaming was Barry. He was standing at the counter in a tank top and boxer briefs, hovering over a mostly empty box of donuts. He had two in each hand, scarfing one down hungrily, the other waiting for the gallows. The evidence that he'd eaten pretty much the whole box to himself was dusted across his mouth and cheeks, and down the front of his tank.

But he wasn’t supposed to be there, not in his apartment, and certainly not in his grandmother's kitchen. Eddie turned away, unable to look at Barry without his heart breaking. He glanced out the window, only to be met with an endless black void. It was odd to see nothing but blackness, what with the kitchen bathed in a golden hue from what one was assume was a sunny morning. There was a grid of shadows on the floor in the shape of the wooden window frame dividers, even though there was no sun outside to be casting them.

He heard Barry let out a moan of satisfaction as he polished off the first donut and Eddie looked back in time to see him begin devouring the second one, shoving it unceremoniously into his mouth. He'd seen the trick many times before, and like always, Eddie couldn't help but compare him to a snake, unhinging its jaw to swallow everything in one bite. Barry had always hated the comparison, but enjoyed the efforts made to get back in his good graces once he'd done enough pouting to make him feel bad.

“Barry.” Eddie said curtly, to get his attention, so he could ask him what he was doing in his dream.

Barry startled and spun around to face him, like he hadn’t expected him to be there. His face was smeared with jelly, the powdered sugar coloring his fingers white and Barry grinned at him sheepishly.

“Morning.” He said thickly, talking with his mouth full. “Didn’t hear you come in.” Cramming the last bite into his mouth, Barry sauntered lazily toward him. Passing through a ray of light, the sunlight shimmered off his sleep tousled hair, the brown tones glowing radiantly for a brief second before he moved back into shadow.

Stepping between him and the table, Barry straddled him with casual ease, perching on his lap like nothing was wrong. Eddie’s breath caught in his throat, having almost forgotten what it felt like to have Barry atop him, the deceptive weight that belied his lithe frame a welcome pressure after so long bereft of it.

Eddie sat there, enthralled as he watched Barry clean himself like a cat. He swiped a slender finger over his lips, catching all the errant jelly before he stuck the finger in his mouth to lick it clean. Once that was done, he tended to his other hand, popping his fingers into his mouth and drawing them out slowly as he sucked off all the powdered sugar. Hands completely clean, Barry slowly swept his tongue over his lips to get at any remaining stickiness, staring down at him with a knowing smirk. Eddie’s eyes rapturously followed his progress, heart beating erratically in his chest.

The next thing Eddie knew, Barry was kissing him, devouring him with the same unbridled hunger he’d shown his breakfast. That mantra of _I don't care_ filled his head once more, but Eddie's body had other ideas, arms immediately circling Barry's waist, hands clutching desperately at his heated skin, palming every inch he could find with careless abandon. His body shut his brain down and the mantra disappeared, replaced by thoughts like _want_ and _more_ as he sought out the taste of Barry underneath the sugary sweetness of the donut.

It took him a moment, distracted as he was by Barry’s relentlessly pleasurable torment, to realize that they had somehow lost their clothing. They weren't scattered across the floor, tossed about in a fervor to get naked, they were just flat out  _gone_. Between one breath and the next, the physics of the dream shifted again and Eddie was somehow buried deep inside Barry, their bodies slick with sweat. They moved together as one, the legs of the chair squeaking against the tile floor as Eddie thrust his hips frantically.

Barry reared back, spine arched as he cried out, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Eddie’s gaze zeroed in on a bead of sweat dripping down his bared neck. He wanted nothing more to lap it up greedily, to let his tongue follow the path back up the long line of muscle and claim that sinful mouth once more, but an odd sound caught his attention, like someone had unzipped the universe. Eddie craned his heard around and saw that there was no longer a dark void outside the windows. Hovering above the skyline of Central City was an ominous swirling vortex, the force of the winds shattering the tops the skyscrapers and sucking in the detritus.

Fingers clawed roughly at his face, nails biting into his cheeks as Barry forced his attention back to the matter at hand. Looping an arm around his neck to gain better leverage as he writhed above him, Barry refused to release his face. Instead, he held Eddie there, resting their sweat drenched foreheads together so he could peer into his eyes as they neared completion.

Too breathless to kiss, not wanting to be deprived of much needed oxygen as they tumbled closer and closer to the edge, Barry took advantage of how close their mouths were, dropped open to drag in each ragged, gasping breath. Eddie saw him peek his tongue out and he eagerly followed suit. The tips of their tongues met and the raw jolt of electricity that arced through them sent them scattering back.

Eddie groaned as the jolt traversed straight down to his groin and he stuck his tongue out again, craving to experience the livewire sensation again. Tongues undulating together, slick and hot, Eddie dropped his hands to Barry’s narrow waist, fingers gripping his hips hard enough to leave bruises. Shivering bodily, Barry keened loudly and Eddie knew he was close. Bodies slapping together frenetically, Barry finally let go of his face so he could caress his cheek tenderly.

“Thank you.” He whimpered, chest heaving.

“For what?” Eddie asked, torn between focusing on the answer or on his impeding release.

The apartment building began to shake and from the peripherals of his vision, he could see the looming vortex outside, the event horizon bigger now than it had been when he’d first laid eyes on it. They were going to be swallowed up by it, but not before they had this one last perfect moment. The fight, his anger, the doubts, it had all fallen by the wayside, none of it comparing to the magnitude and enormity of his love for Barry.

Barry smiled at him, as if hearing his thoughts. “For that.” He said, amber lightning crackling in his eyes. “For loving me.”

The whole world tilted sideways as his orgasm crashed down upon him and Eddie felt his heart explode in his chest. Vision going white, he heard Barry’s voice, echoing both inside his head and all around him.

“ _I’ll always love you…_ ”

He awoke with a start and it took Eddie several seconds to come back to himself, the dream still cloying to his senses. He swore he could smell Barry’s sweat, mixed with the heady scent of ejaculate, and the scene was so real, so overpowering that it was if Barry had been in the room with him, a split second before he'd awoken. Feeling something warm slide down his thigh, Eddie tossed back the covers and found that the reason he could smell sex was because he’d had a wet dream. The fronts of his pajamas were damp and sticky, and Eddie felt his face heat with embarrassment. It had been years since his last wet dream and though he knew it was a perfectly normal bodily function, he couldn't help but be mortified by it.

Pushing himself off the bed, he shuffled across the floor to the bathroom to clean himself off, dream Barry's final words haunting him as he made the trek.

" _I'll always love you..._ "

 _I don't care_ , Eddie told himself, _we're over and I'm over_ you.

Another voice joined the fray, and this time it was Iris', drowning out his own words and those of dream Barry with frightening clarity.

 _Liar_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So [kurtbasthallen](http://kurtbasthallen.tumblr.com/) made a wonderful [gifset](http://kurtbasthallen.tumblr.com/post/120722897937/what-if-barry-was-the-one-eddie-found-himself) with a quote from Chapter Eight and it TOTALLY made my night, after a poop day at work. If you're out there reading this note, kurtbasthallen, you are FRICKIN' AWESOME. I cannot thank you, or ALL of my readers enough, for just being beyond fantastic. I love you all SO MUCH! <3
> 
> P.S. That whole conversation about Eiling stems from my disbelief that Stein just FORGOT that he passed out seconds after drinking laced booze that Wells gave him. I needed SOMEONE to be suspicious about that particular event and how it unfolded. For reasons...


	14. Just Got To Be

The day Barry reset was the day that changed everything:

 

It started innocuously enough with him naturally being late for work, because such was his lot in life. He was the fastest man alive and yet he'd probably be late for his own funeral. Luckily, he managed to avoid a run-in with Singh, sneaking unseen past the desk sergeant and the bullpen to make it to the safety of his lab without incident. Setting his stuff down on the desk and turning on his computer, he went around the lab while it booted up, switching on his equipment.

When he got back to his desk, he found that he could have saved himself the effort, as it apparently had been a slow crime night, his evidence in-tray woefully empty. Sighing, Barry sent out an email to the other techs, offering to assist them with any backlog they had built up. The response was immediate and within an hour, he busy cataloging soil samples and running suspicious fluids through the centrifuge.

A slow crime night for the police turned into a slow crime day for the Flash, not a single call coming in from Cisco or Caitlin about little old ladies, or _any_ ladies for that matter. He sent them both text messages, just to make sure the lines of communication were open and they told him nothing was really going on, but if something did pop up, he'd be the first to know.

When his phone buzzed a few boring hours later, Barry quickly scooped it up off the desk, anxious to break up the mid-day doldrums, only to find it was a message from Linda. Not that he wasn't happy about that, but he hadn't been expecting it. She'd been swamped covering the Miners' hard run for enough wins to potentially earn a position in the playoffs, along with the March Madness games, and as such, they'd been in sort of a holding pattern relationship-wise while she put her nose to the grindstone. He hadn't minded it at all, not really having any room to talk about life getting put on hold when it came to his own line of work.

They texted back and forth for a while, catching up before they tried to settle on plans for the evening, since she had a free night for once to spend with him. Barry did his best to talk her into going bowling, as he'd been trying to convince her for weeks that it was an athletic activity that he wouldn't embarrass himself at. After some hedging, Linda acquiesced -with the promise that she wouldn't let him live it down if she caught him granny bowling at any point during the evening- and they set up a time to meet.

Engrossed in the conversation, he vaguely heard someone walk in and set something down on his desk. Peering over the edge of his phone, he saw that it was an evidence envelope. "Thanks." He mumbled distractedly, gaze sliding back to the phone. Whoever it was scoffed at him and Barry looked up in time to see a familiar head of blonde hair walking out of the lab.

Barry's good mood quickly evaporated. He knew he shouldn't have been carrying around a torch for Eddie, not when he was dating Linda, but there was no denying that he still wanted Eddie with every fiber of his being. It was hard, spending every day working with him, pretending that he was fine just being a coworker and nothing else. It was useless though, to keep holding on to hope, since Eddie refused to forgive him. The two of them had settled into a cordial working relationship, but that was the extent of their interactions anymore. Nice, pleasant, and heart-wrenching. Barry knew he had to actually start putting in the effort to get past it all and that he had to do it soon, or else he'd be doomed to spending the rest of his life pining for what he couldn't have.

Perhaps if he played his cards right with her that evening, they would get finally get off third base. Not that there was _anything_ wrong with third base, as Linda had always been freely open with her desires for him, but _he'd_ been the one to hit the brakes when things got a little _too_ hot and heavy, in some vain hope of getting back with Eddie. But now, now he had the inkling that sex with her would be just the palate cleanser he so desperately needed to help him to move on, and put Eddie behind him for good.

Sending a text telling her that he had to get back to work, he braved putting a heart emoticon at the end of the message and set the phone aside. He was hyper-aware of it beside him as he signed the chain of custody label and tore open the seal on the envelope Eddie had dropped off, waiting on tenterhooks to see how Linda would respond. After a ridiculously long time -four minutes, thirteen seconds, because he'd time it- she messaged him back with a smiley face and a heart of her own. Barry grinned, thinking that maybe his luck was changing for the better.

 

*~*~*

 

If Barry had the ability to go back in time, he would have gone back a few hours to that afternoon, so he could smack his past self upside the head, for jinxing himself for ever thinking his luck had changed. He'd met Linda at the bowling alley, his streak of being on time for their dates still going strong, much to his continued surprise. After greeting her with a hug and a passionate kiss, to illustrate just how much he'd missed her, he dutifully escorted her inside, waxing philosophic on just how much her butt would be getting kicked in a sport for once.

"You seem confident that you're gonna get the best of me." Linda said, giving him a narrow eyed look, though the smirk stretched across her face told him she was just teasing him. She didn't mind one bit that Barry wasn't athletically inclined. She spent her days surrounded by corn-fed jocks, so when she'd heard his talented pipes on stage and found them attached to a sexy little morsel of a man, her first thought hadn't been whether or not he could throw a fastball.

"Pretty confident, yeah." Barry replied, stopping in his tracks to kiss away that teasing smirk. They way she responded back, darting her tongue into his mouth, he had to remember they were in a public place and couldn't just go around putting on a show.

"Barry, Linda... hi."

Pulling away from the kiss abruptly, Barry and Linda looked around to find that the person calling out to them was none other than Iris, posted up at a lane with Eddie standing right behind her. Stomach doing a somersault, Barry moved so that he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Linda, as if they could present a united front against whatever machinations Iris had in mind. "Hey, guys. What are you doing here?"

Iris put one hand on her hip and scratched at the back of her neck nervously with the other. "Uh, you know... bowling. We wanted to hang out and I thought this would be a nice change of pace." She nodded her head to the empty lane next to hers and Eddie's. "Are you guys gonna be right next to us?"

Linda glanced over at the lane number and saw that they were indeed going to be bowling next to each other. "Looks like we are, yeah." She traded glances with Barry, silently telling him it was his choice in what to do. After the debacle with Iris at work, where she'd let it slip that Barry still had feelings for Eddie, only for Barry to negate the statement with a memorable scene with the ghost pepper, she didn't want Barry to think he had anything else to prove to her. Just being there with her was enough to show that he was trying to move on, so if he wanted to bowl beside them because Iris was his friend and Eddie was his coworker, that was fine by her. If he decided he didn't want to be near his ex, she would be fine with that, too. They were all adults and if they all acted as such, they would be able to rise above the entanglements and have a good time.

Barry bit his lip, knowing that he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he said he wanted to change lanes, so he and Linda could have time alone together, he didn't want Eddie or Iris to think he was really doing it because he was a coward. If they stayed where they were, he didn't want Linda to think he was doing it because there were still some uncut chords between he and Eddie. _Damned_ _if I do, damned if I don't_ , he thought. Coming to a decision that running away would definitely be the worst option, he nodded his head, ready to face the situation head on. "Yeah," Barry said, less than enthusiastically, "should be fun." He just had to hope that Linda could see that he really was over Eddie, and that the night could be salvaged later on.

Iris watched as the two of them walked to the sitting area, so they could put on their shoes, mentally screaming at the universe to ask what she'd done to deserve this. She felt Eddie's hand on her elbow and she spun around to stare up at him with wide eyes. "I did _not_ plan this." She said quietly, even though the pervasive noise in the bowling alley was more than enough to drown out their conversation.

"Really?" Eddie asked in disbelief. "Like you _didn't_ plan our run in at the bar the last time Barry and I were fighting?"

"Hey, I copped to that one, in case you forgot. And if I had somehow managed to orchestrate being here at the same time, _on top_ of getting our lanes next to one another, I'd _love_ to take the credit for it, because honestly? That'd be pretty damn clever of me to pull off."

Eddie folded his arms over his chest, letting out a hard breath through his nose as he looked at Iris. "So what, you're saying that this is all just one big _coincidence_?"

"Eh... probably not, actually. Barry's been talking about going bowling for a while. We've been coming here since we were little and I guess it just, I dunno, planted the idea in my head." When Eddie had called, to ask if she wanted to hang out, it had been the first suggestion to come to mind. Instead of just sitting at a table in a bar, drinking and loading up on cheese-laden deep fried grease, they could do that _and_ something active. He'd told her he wasn't the best bowler, but Iris had already proven that she could beat him in just about any bar sport -darts, pool- so why not add bowling to the list? If she'd known that _this_ was going to happen, she would have been happy with just sitting around, if only to avoid the awkwardness.

He sighed, relaxing his posture to something less imposing. "Okay, fine. You didn't plan this, I believe you. But _you're_ buying the first pitcher, to make up for you and him sharing some sort of mental wavelength. And letting me win the first few frames wouldn't hurt, either."

"Aw." Iris said, putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder. "It's _really_ sad that you think I'd ever show you even the tiniest bit of mercy. You're just gonna have to face it, Thawne, you're gonna get your ass handed to you by a girl. _Again_."

He mock laughed at her, playfully knocking her hand away. "Ha-ha. Just go get the beer."

"Of course. I live to serve." She deadpanned, before punching his bicep as hard as she could. When he didn't budge, or even flinch from the hit, she frowned at him. "C'mon, at least act like that hurt a little."

Rolling his eyes, Eddie clutched at his arm. "Ow, the pain." He said flatly. "How will ever I recover from such a mortal blow?"

"Pfft. Whatever." Brushing past him to make her way to the concession stand, she swung her arm back to slap his ass. _That_ got a reaction from him and she ran off before he could grab for her to get his revenge, giggling loudly at the indignant expression on his face.

"Hey! You gotta wine and dine me _first_ , West, _then_ you get to touch the goods!" He called out. After Iris disappeared into the crowd, Eddie looked around to find Barry and Linda goggling at him. He simply smiled at them and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it's _true_." He remarked casually, before taking a seat in the plastic chair in front of the computer screen, so he could plug in his and Iris' names.

Linda wanted to laugh, but didn't know if it was safe to do so, and she glanced over at Barry, who seemed almost despondent that he wasn't in on their shenanigans. Seeing them, his best friend and his ex, having fun without him, when the three of them used to have so much fun together, Barry couldn't deny that it hurt. Not just in pain for losing Eddie, but for losing out on being with Iris as well, and spending time with the two people who had made him so happy. He knew he should have been happy being there with Linda, but it would have been easier if Iris and Eddie weren't there to remind him of his failings.

He put a hand on Linda's knee, putting his focus back where it should have been. "C'mon, let's go find some balls. To _bowl_ with!" He added, once he realized how the sentence had come out. "Not that I want- I mean, I want-"

Linda pressed a kiss to his cheek to stop his rambling. "I know what you meant." She said, eyes twinkling. Looping her arm around Barry's, she pulled him up out of the chair and to his feet. As they went off toward the rows of racks to select their balls, Linda didn't know whether to pretend that she hadn't noticed the wistful expression on Barry's face or not. It was obvious he missed being able to be with his friends, but she didn't want to sour things by pointing it out to him. Following her own advice about being an adult, she decided not to say anything, in favor of trying to have fun.

By the end of the night, however, she wished she _had_ said something about it, or somehow convinced Barry to go after the second game.

She had expected some crossover conversation, since they were bowling right next to Eddie and Iris, and for most of it, she had no problem. Knowing Iris from work, they'd chatted a bit while the boys were taking their turns, hashing out all the office gossip, and she'd even made the effort to be nice to Eddie. Sure, he was Barry's ex, but they were also coworkers and were still in each other's lives, so it only made sense to be on good terms with him.  
  
Looking at their scores, compared to Barry's and Iris', they'd bonded over the fact that neither of them were good bowlers and whether bowling could actually be considered a sport. Eddie was a genuinely nice person, easygoing and easy to talk to, and Linda found herself enjoying herself around him. The awkwardness that had started the evening had dissipated and the night wouldn't have ended up being so painful, if it hadn't been for the fact that Barry and Eddie seemed to only have eyes for each other.  
  
When they didn't think the other was looking, they were constantly sneaking peeks, keeping tabs on where they were, what they were doing. When Barry got the idea to improve her form by sidling up behind her to teach her the motions, the romantic closeness of the moment had been ruined when she turned around to find Eddie watching them intently, only to glance away quickly once he'd been spotted.  
  
When Eddie got his only strike of the night and had loudly taunted Iris, before scooping her up into his arms to celebrate by swinging her around, Linda caught Barry peeking over at them from out of the corner of his eye, that sad look on his face again.  
  
Linda had believed Iris when she said that Barry still had some unresolved issues from his previous relationship, and she'd believed Barry when he'd refuted the claim, saying of course it was hard recovering from a breakup, but he had her now to help him get through it. Now that she was seeing the two of them with her own eyes, though, she didn't know what to believe. She wasn't stupid and having her fair share of exes, she knew that when they had to interact after the breakup, there was always a little lingering weirdness. She would have understood that. But what Barry and Eddie had wasn't weirdness. It was full-blown _denial_ , not so carefully disguised as disregard.  
  
So when Eddie got a call about a break-in as they were packing everything in, and Barry jumped up, claiming that he had to go as well, Linda was almost glad that their date was getting cut short. She cared about Barry, she really did. He was funny and sexy, in his own dorky way, and with their erratic schedules, it made dating easy, easier than anyone she'd ever been with before, because when they had to cancel their plans, there were never any hurt feelings. Well, save for being left half naked in his foster dad's house. That had stung a little. But recognizing that her boyfriend was still in love with his ex, whether he knew it or not, and that she was nothing more than a rebound, that stung more.  
  
"I'll call you." Barry promised her, taking her hand as he moved in to kiss her.  
  
Linda barely kissed him back, but nodded her head. "Yeah, okay." She said half-heartedly, knowing the phone call they were going to have wasn't going to end up being a pleasant one. When he frowned at her questioningly, she patted his arm and shooed him off, knowing it wasn't the time or the place. Offering her a smile, he dashed off to catch up with Eddie, leaving her standing there with Iris.  
  
"Well... that was fun." She quipped.

Linda arched a brow. "Yeah, it was... _something_."

 

* * *

 

Swallowing down the last bite of his gyro, Barry crumpled up the foil it had been wrapped in and bent down to shove the trash into the bag their lunch had come in. He held out his hand for Joe's wrapper, who had wolfed his down with equal gusto.

"Mmh, I haven't had one of those in _way_ too long." He said, exhaling a quiet burp. Handing off the wrapper, Joe wiped at his mouth before putting both hands back on the steering wheel. He knew he shouldn't have been driving around with one hand on the wheel but hunger had won out over good sense, though he'd made sure to stay off the busier streets, to avoid any traffic while they ate.

"It felt appropriate." Barry replied, looking out the window, eyes on the darkening clouds that were forming above them. The storm also seemed appropriate, considering. "So..." He started, peeking over at Joe. "You wanna talk about what's going on with you?"

"What do you think has been going on with me?" He said, eager to see how Barry was going to psychoanalyze him.

"I dunno, you just seem a little... _cavalier_ about what we're going up against." For all of Joe's hemming and hawing about his suiting up to rush headlong into danger against people who could do him serious harm, Joe was doing _just_ that, against his own advice.

Joe chuckled at him. " _We_ aren't up against anything." Mardon had made this personal by hunting him down and Joe wasn't about to drag Barry into that fight. He had a history with the Mardon brothers and he was going to settle it once and for all, on his own terms.

"Come on, this is-"

"Look, I am _fine_. Can we please change the subject?"

Barry wanted to keep on Joe, but he figured it'd just be pointless. The man was insanely stubborn when he wanted to be and trying to convince him to play it safe would only be a waste of oxygen. Since he seemed happy to talk about anything else, however, Barry decided to seize upon the opportunity. "Actually, there is something I could use your advice on."

"What's that?"

"Uh, you know, just relationship stuff."

"Oh, yeah? Things going all right with that girl, Linda?"

"No, actually, I meant I needed some advice... about Eddie. Things between us have gotten a little... complicated."

It was a fight to keep himself from outright laughing at Barry. "Complicated? You're asking me, your adopted father, for relationship advice about a person who just so happens to be his partner? And the one said partner blames for the events that have led to you needing advice?"

"Yeah, I know, I _know_." Barry groaned, leaning into the door to drop his forehead against the window.

"Things have gone way past _complicated_."

"It's just that sometimes... we have these _moments_. I catch him looking at me, or he catches me looking at him, and when it happens, it's hard not to think that maybe he still feels something for me. And I don't know what to do about it." Or rather, he knew what he _wanted_ to do about it, but he was worried acting upon it would destroy the fragile relationship he and Eddie currently had.

"Look, I don't want to be the one to rain on your parade, but Eddie's already made it abundantly clear how he feels. And unless he comes out and actually says something to the contrary, all you can do is focus on your relationship with Linda, and hope that with time, you can get over him."

He wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know, and it made him feel stupid for asking. He wanted someone to tell him that he wasn't stupid, that there _was_ still something there, something the both of them were just afraid to act upon, lest they get burned again. So far, Iris was the only one who had taken to pointing it out, but after he started seeing Linda, she'd gone noticeably mum on the subject, especially after he'd jumped down her throat when he'd found out she'd told Iris about him and Eddie.

"Speaking of rain," Barry said, changing the subject once more, to something less emotionally painful, "it is really coming down." He turned on the radio and flipped over to the weather station. They sat there, listening to the weather man going on about the bright, sunny day and as it dawned on them what was happening, Joe slammed on the brakes.

"Mardon." Joe said. Thunder rumbled ominously overhead, and they both spun around in the seats to stare out the back window. Through the haze of rain, they saw a pickup truck stopped behind them, Mardon in the driver's seat.

Barry barely got Joe out of the car before the bolt of lightning struck the car, the spark igniting the fuel and sending a flaming fireball into the sky. Mardon's truck sped off, tires squealing and Barry glanced over at Joe. The murderous expression on his face told Barry there was no way he was going to let go of this vendetta, not now, not even if it killed him.

 

*~*~*

 

"I can't believe this is happening." Iris said, eyes riveted on Eddie as he spoke to the officers gathered in the lobby outside the bullpen. Everyone was on high alert after Mardon had put Singh in the hospital and had kidnapped her father, the thrum of tension in the precinct almost a physical pressure. She could barely think straight, her mind a torrent of what Mardon was doing to her father, of what he _would_ do to him, just to exact revenge for his brother. It was a struggle just to keep the tears at bay, wondering if she'd ever see her dad alive again.

"We're gonna find him." Barry said without a trace of doubt in his voice and she glanced over at him, wanting so badly to believe him, but with everything going on, it was hard to.

When he saw Iris fighting to stay positive, he turned to face her fully. "Hey, look at me..." Barry cupped Iris' cheeks in his hands so he had her undivided attention, peering into her eyes to lend her some strength. "I _promise_ I will bring him home."

She nodded her head, taking in a deep, centering breath and offered him a watery smile. "Okay." He'd already faced Mardon once and she had to had faith that the next time they met, Barry would take him down for good. She couldn't let all the negative thoughts deter her from that belief, no matter how dire the situation was. "Okay." She repeated with more determination.

Smiling back at her, he pulled her in close to drop a kiss to her forehead, before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. Flicking his eyes over to Eddie, who was wrapping up his speech to rally the troops, their gazes caught and Barry's expression softened. Eddie had been with Joe when Mardon had taken him and Barry could see that he was just barely keeping it together, the cracks in his calm, firm façade starting to show.

The way Eddie had described the encounter with Mardon, a strong gust of wind had filled the tiny apartment they were searching, followed by Joe being torn out of the window by a seemingly invisible hand, leaving him to watch in horror as his partner was taken away. With Singh out of commission and Joe now missing, it had fallen to Eddie to lead the search and rescue mission he was currently in the process of organizing. The desperate search for Joe seemed to be the only thing keeping him going, and Barry wished there was something he could do to help, other than waiting around for the moment he was needed.

He and Iris broke apart as the gathered detectives and officers began heading out once they had their orders, leaving them to wait until they'd all gone, not wanting to be in anyone's way. Eddie joined them soon after and placed a hand on Iris' back in consolation, a gesture she returned, as she too could see how wired he was. "We've got uniforms combing the streets and a BOLO has been issued to the state police, in case Mardon tries to get out of the city. We're _going_ to get him back." Mardon had come into _their_ house and nearly killed the captain. If Barry didn't get to him first, Eddie knew that whoever found Mardon would do whatever it took to put him down and rescue Joe.

Iris nodded at the reassurance but before she could thank Eddie for it, her phone began buzzing in her pocket. She took a step back from the two of them to take the call and when she saw her dad's name on the display, her heart leapt in her chest.

Eddie looked from Iris to Barry as she began talking on the phone. "And the Flash?"

"As soon as I know where Mardon is, I'll make sure he doesn't get away again." He had the wand Cisco had made and more reason than ever to make sure Mardon spent the rest of his life in the pipeline.

"Just don't get yourself killed in the process." Mardon had more than proven himself dangerous, calling down lightning like he was Zeus reborn. He'd already taken a crack at Joe with it, and now Singh was clinging to life after taking a bolt directly to the chest. Barry had survived being struck by lightning once, but Eddie didn't want him to try his luck the second time around.

Barry's mouth ticked up in a grin. "I'll try not to, detective."

Eddie started to say something else but was interrupted by Iris reappearing at their sides, visibly shaken and tears streaming down her face. "That was Mardon. He wants me to meet him at the waterfront and he said that he'll kill my dad if I tell anyone."

The words were barely out of Iris' mouth before Barry was whipping around to grab the bag he'd shoved his speed suit into. "I'm coming with you." He said, tone brooking no argument. He slipped his hand into Iris', lacing their fingers together to lead her toward the elevators, only for Eddie to block their path, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from going any farther. Barry looked down at his hand before bringing his head up to glare at him. "Don't stop me, Eddie. It's the only way and you know it."

"Do you know that you're walking into a trap?" Eddie countered. "Mardon's been a step ahead of us this whole time and there's no way he's just going to _give_ Joe up, not without throwing everything he has at you first. You need to play this one smart. Don't do anything stupid to get yourself killed. If you..." Eddie trailed off, not knowing how put what he felt into words. Bad things always came in threes. First Singh, then Joe. If Barry was added to that list of people Mardon had hurt, Eddie didn't know what he would do. The thought of losing Barry, the way he had lost Joe, it scared the hell out of him.

Understanding what Eddie was trying to get at, Barry nodded his head. "I know, I'll be careful." He was well aware of what was on the line and was willing to accept the risks. He couldn't just leave Joe to die because he was worried about his own life. It was the whole reason he'd chosen to use his powers for good, to help those who couldn't help themselves, and if he gave up on that idea now, he very well couldn't call himself a hero. He sidestepped Eddie to head toward the elevators, but was stopped once more.

"No... you _don't_ know." Eddie curled his fingers into the collar of his shirt to drag Barry back.

Their lips met and Barry's mind went blank. His body was shouting at him to wrap his arms around Eddie and lose himself in the kiss, but he knew there was no time for that, no matter how much he'd been craving this _exact_ thing. They were in the middle of the station and he was still holding Iris' hand, his bag gripped tightly in the other. By the way she was squeezing his fingers, however, she seemed fine in giving them this one concession before they headed out into danger.

Before they could lose sight of the task at hand, in favor of indulge themselves, the kiss ended as quickly as it began and Barry opened his eyes slowly, stunned. "Whaa... what was that for?"

"Get back here alive." Eddie whispered into his lips, voice thick and gravelly with emotion. "You _and_ Joe." He peered into Barry's eyes, trying to convey what he couldn't say before. With everything going on, he'd thought back to his dream, with the world falling apart around him. Now, just as he had in the dream, he realized that holding on to all his anger wasn't worth it, if it meant letting go to what was truly worth holding on to. Life, happiness, and love. He'd been so blind and he only wished it hadn't taken something as awful as Joe's kidnapping to get him to finally see the truth.

Releasing Barry's shirt, Eddie gave him a gentle push toward the elevator. "Go."

Licking his lips, Barry nodded again, this time more vehemently and turned to go. When he saw Linda standing in the lobby, watching him with sad eyes, he paused mid-step. "Linda, I..." Iris tugged on his hand, silently telling him that they needed to leave. "I'm sorry, it's an emergency, I have to go." He rushed toward the elevator, Iris in tow and when they got into the car, he spun around to face Linda. "I'm sorry." He told her before the doors closed, feeling like a complete and utter jerk.

Linda wanted to laugh as Barry ran off _again_ , but all that came out was a sigh. She couldn't even be mad at him for what she'd walked in on, because all he'd done was beaten her to the punch. Ever since the night at the bowling alley, things between the two of them had been strained and Linda knew it was time to call it quits. She wanted Barry to be happy, and though she wanted him to be happy with _her_ , it was more than obvious that it would never work out that way, not when he clearly still wanted to be with Eddie.

She'd talked with Iris after their not-quite double date, and though Iris had apologized again for planting the seeds of doubt about Barry in her mind, Linda told her she'd done nothing wrong. If anything, it had helped her come to her decision, and she was glad for it, because it had saved her the pain of falling for someone who was already in love with somebody else.

Craning her head around, Linda found the man in question, face flushed red as he did his best to look invisible. Linda cracked a grin. "I hope you guys can make it work this time."

Eddie huffed out a weak chuckle. Right then, he just hoped Barry made it back so they _could_ make it work.

 

*~*~*

 

Barry ran. He ran at speeds he once thought he'd never be able to achieve. Caitlin had told him he needed to create a wall of wind to keep Mardon's tidal wave from ever reaching the shore, and he was pushing himself to the limit to achieve that end. Racing back and forth, the thought of Joe and Iris and Eddie, along with everyone else in the city, were all that fueled his mad dash.

If he failed, if he couldn't stop Mardon, he'd never get to exonerate his father, or hug Joe again, or hang out at Jitters with Iris, or make amends with Eddie, so they could start their relationship over. The thought of losing his family and friends, of letting them down because he wasn't fast enough, it gave him the extra jolt of energy he needed.

Shouting at the top of his lungs to cajole his body past the pain and the exhaustion, Barry surged forward...

And _backward_.

 

* * *

 

It was surreal, to say the least, reliving the day over again. Seeing Joe at the crime scene at the morgue, alive and healthy, acting as if nothing bad had happened, it threw Barry for a loop. He wanted nothing more than to pull Joe into his arms and never let him go, but as he found himself experiencing his own personal _Groundhog's Day_ , he knew that it would only lead to awkward questions. Not that Joe had ever turned down a hug from him, but crime scenes generally weren't the time or the place for such things.

It got inexorably harder to keep himself in check when Eddie walked in, the coroner's tape recorder in hand. Barry stared openly at him, vividly remembering their kiss before he'd gone off to find Mardon. The idea that the event was still in their future, that he hadn't been crazy in thinking there was still a spark between them, it made him want to grin from ear to ear, but when Eddie played the tape for them, hearing Mardon's voice sent reality crashing down around him.

He _had_ to change what had happened, to save Joe, to save Central City, and when he was done with that, he'd get Eddie back, too.

It didn't matter to him what Dr. Wells said about preserving the timeline or how weird Joe thought he was being. Barry was going to have his cake and eat it, too, because if he was going to relive this day, he was going to make it a _better_ one.

 

*~*~*

 

Barry came to a halt in front of Eddie's apartment and knocked on the door. He stood there patiently, waiting for Eddie to answer, but he could hear no movement from inside the apartment. Eddie was most definitely home, as his car was out in the building's parking lot, and Barry lifted his hand to knock again, a little louder this time. This time, there was a thump from somewhere inside, followed by a shout of _I'm coming_ and after a drawn out moment, the door finally opened.

It was a hard battle to keep his eyes at a respectable level, once Barry realized what he'd interrupted. Eddie wasn't exactly dripping wet, but it was more than obvious that he'd had just gotten out of the shower. Skin flushed from the heat of the water, a few errant droplets cascaded from his damp hair to slide enticingly down his shoulders to his chest. Barry pretended to see none of it, though going by the unimpressed look on Eddie's face, he wasn't fooling anyone.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be celebrating catching Mardon." Even for Barry, he'd caught the meta is record time, giving Team Flash more reason than ever to congratulate themselves on the good work.

"No, actually," If anything, capturing Mardon had _angered_ Dr. Wells, something he couldn't really understand, as nothing he was worried about could have possibly been worse than a tidal wave destroying the city. Barry rubbed his hands together nervously. "I was, uh... hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

"Uhm. About us?" Barry answered, a weak smile playing on his lips.

"There is no _us_ to talk about. We _just_ got to a place where we could work together without any weirdness, Barry. Talking would only unravel all of that."

"No, I know but... things with Linda kinda fell through and I was hanging out with Cisco because he wanted to cheer me up, but then he started talking to some girl and I bailed so they could... do their thing, and I started to think about things on the way home and I-" _I still remember the way you kissed me, before I somehow managed to alter the space-time continuum, and I want nothing more than for it to happen again_ , "I just needed someone to talk to. If you're not busy, that is."

Eddie sighed and against his better judgment, he stepped aside to let Barry in. "Lemme go clean up, I'll be back in a minute."

"Yeah, okay." Barry replied, nodding his head, just glad that he'd gotten through the door. Watching Eddie pad down the hallway, Barry decided to make himself comfortable when Eddie disappeared into the bathroom, and sat down on the couch. He idly tapped his hands on his thighs, mentally going over what he was going to say to Eddie to win him back. There was a good chance his penchant for verbal diarrhea in stressful situations would ruin most of it, so it was a good idea to have a general thread to cling to.

When Eddie reemerged a few minutes later, Barry slapped on a smile, though it wavered a bit when Eddie took a seat in the chair, as far from him as he could get while still being in the same room. The intentional distance didn't bode well, but he couldn't let himself be discouraged. He knew Eddie still cared about him and all he had to do was bring those latent feelings back to the surface.

"So," Eddie started, "You and Linda. What happened?"

"Well, nothing really _happened_." Linda had actually seemed relieved when he'd broken things off with her. She had wanted nothing more than him to yearn for her the way he yearned for Eddie, but when it was clear that wasn't going to happen, she said she just wanted him to be happy. When he had looked into her eyes and seen the honest sincerity, Barry wished he could have been the boyfriend she deserved, because Linda truly was an amazing woman. But she'd been right. There was someone else and pretending there wasn't would do either of them any good. "Don't get me wrong, she was fun to hang out with and we had a good time together, but... we were just in different places, emotionally. So we decided to just... be friends."

Eddie arched a brow. "Different places? What, she didn't want to give up her hectic schedule for something more serious?" He remembered Iris waxing philosophic on just how wrong for Barry Linda was, and one of the many examples was her dedication to her extremely competitive job. He didn't completely disagree with Iris' opinions on Linda, upset as he'd been at the idea Barry with someone else. Eddie would always care for him, even if a future together was off the table, and every time he had to see Barry with Linda, or hear about their dates from Iris, it made his heart clench in his chest. The pain of it had lessened over time -and after actually meeting her, to find out she was a great person- but Barry had carved out a place inside of him, a place that was never likely to heal entirely.

"No, actually... _she_ was the one who wanted to be more serious, and I didn't. Linda said my heart should ache for her, but she knew it... ached for someone else."

Scrubbing at his chin with a hand, Eddie gave a shake of his head. "You have to let it go, Barry. And whether or not there's some unresolved tension between us, you still hurt me. That's not the kind of thing you get over easily."

"I know and I am _so_ sorry for everything I did to do. Even if you don't believe me, I _am_ sorry. Every time I had to run off during a date with Linda, or make up some excuse as to why I wasn't around, I thought about how I was just doing to her what I had done to you, and I felt miserable about it."

"But not miserable enough to tell her what you really get up to late at night, though." He'd figured Barry hadn't confessed that little secret when they'd been at the bowling alley and had claimed that he was needed before running off to the morgue.

"Well, to be fair, telling someone on the first date that you're the Flash seems kinda... wrong. Like you're trying to score points or something. I just wanted her to like me for me, before I dropped the bomb on her."

"So you _were_ going to tell her? Just like that, no qualms, no hoops to jump through to prove her worth to you and Joe?"

Barry could tell by the tone in Eddie's voice that it was a loaded question and he took a second to compose himself, knowing that if he didn't answer correctly, everything could unravel just as it had the night of their fight. He didn't want that to ever happen again, not when the chance at rekindling their relationship was right at his fingertips.

"I  _always_  intended to tell you, Eddie. I wasn't lying when I said that I had tried to tell you _so_ many times, but life seemed to have other ideas. First it was Joe telling me I had to keep my abilities a secret, then it was my fear that you would think I was some kind of freakazoid, especially after all the metas started terrorizing the city. Then it was our first fight, and then Felicity, and then you getting shot... no time ever seemed _right_.

"And after Bivolo, all my plans went to hell because I knew what I had done to you was unforgivable. Yes, it was Joe who said I finally needed to come clean to you after what you saw at S.T.A.R. Labs, and yes, you were right, I let him dictate our relationship in a way that was inappropriate, and I... I realize that despite all of that, there was no excuse for what I did. _I_ screwed things up between us. _Me_. And I am truly sorry for putting you through that."

Eddie stared at Barry, a little shocked and impressed that he'd been able to keep it together, without stumbling over himself to get the words out. He couldn't deny that Barry's speech had an effect on him, in a good way. Eddie was glad he'd admitted his failings and had taken responsibility for the havoc he had wreaked in their relationship. As much as he wanted to think that things would have been all right between them if he'd only said exactly that months ago, Eddie knew that it the way their confrontation had devolved, even such a declaration wouldn't have helped. Only with time and first-hand experience into everything Barry had been dealing with could he see both sides of the story.

"Apology accepted." He said sincerely, putting a hand over his heart. "That means a lot to me. And I should apologize to you for letting my temper get the best of me. I was just... _so_ mad, and I lost control. For that, I am sorry." Barry smiled at him, but Eddie held up a hand. "It still doesn't change anything between us, though. I can accept your apology and hopefully, you'll accept mine, and we move forward in our lives, so we can keep working together like we have been, maybe even eventually become friends. But I said it before, Barry, I don't think I can ever forgive you for what you did."  
  
"... I can make it up to you, like I did the last time." Barry said softly, going for a last-ditch effort, to shake loose whatever it was Eddie had realized at the station. "I could let you hit me like Iris did, after she said I was no longer too pathetic to hit."  
  
Snorting, Eddie cracked a smile. "She told me about that. I wish she'd taken a video, but hearing about it was just as hilarious."  
  
"Hilarious for you, maybe. For me? Not so much. Though the look on her face when I told her I heal too fast for any lasting bruises _was_ kinda hilarious."  
  
"Is that why you..." Eddie cut himself off, not thinking it was appropriate, but after what had happened, he thought Barry owed him some answers. "Your healing ability, is that why you never walked around like you'd been up all night having sex? Or why all the hickies I gave you never stuck?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah. I guess we never got that far, after the blow-up, but yeah, that is one of the few downsides of my abilities."  
  
"There are others?" Eddie couldn't really see the downside of super speed and fast healing, but he was looking at it from the outside, whereas Barry had to _live_ it every day.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sometimes I catch fire if I'm not wearing my speed suit. I've burnt through so many pairs of shoes, I might as well just buy stock in the company. I can't get drunk, which was a bummer even _before_ we broke up. After, it was just... and then there are the downsides related to sex." Eddie leaned forward at that, making a motion with his hand, indicating for him to elaborate. Barry's face turned a dull shade of red. He sighed, preparing himself for the embarrassment. "My little freak-out when I fell off the couch? I actually started _vibrating_."  
  
"Vibrating?" Eddie asked in disbelief.  
  
Barry responded by lifting his arm and shaking it as fast as he could, until the whole limb was a blur. Eddie started laughing hysterically, in awe of what he was seeing. He'd witnessed Barry's speed before, had watched him run _up_ the side of a building, but this was on a whole other level. Grinning self-consciously, Barry stopped and dropped his arm, placing his hand on his knee.  
  
"That's pretty awesome!" Eddie said, a wide grin on his face, not so jaded that he couldn't find the humor in all the weird, wonderful things Barry could do.  
  
"Sure, until you're vibrating on top of your boyfriend and you have no idea why. It's the reason I bailed so suddenly that night, because I thought something was wrong with me. But as Caitlin explained to me, in technical terms, due to the combination of my hyper-metabolism and increased blood flow to my organs in... intensely heated scenarios, the shaking was just a physical manifestation of my desires. And that if I wasn't careful, I could, uh... end the proceedings prematurely."  
  
Snorting loudly, Eddie began laughing again, his whole body shaking. "Well," He started breathlessly, once the laughter had begun to subside, "I can say from experience that _that_ never happened." If anything, sex with Barry had always been like running a marathon, not ending until they were both exhausted, yet exhilarated. "How did you manage to hide all of this for so long?"  
  
"Uh, remember that I made up that fake condition, so I could pass it off as a physical manifestation of stress, and hid the vibrating as well as I could, until we had fooled around so much that I was comfortable with you, and had build up enough stamina to counteract it. And when I couldn't hide it, I was luckily usually in a position to pass it off as... just being lost in the moment. As for the premature thing... I had to think of a lot of, uh... unsavory things."  
  
"Unsavory...?" It took Eddie a second to understand what he'd meant by that, before remembering that most men had mental tricks to delay climax. "So you're telling me that when we were together, you had to imagine... what, bloody crime scenes and wrinkled old nuns?"  
  
Barry flicked his eyes to the side briefly, before swinging them back to Eddie. "That and a whole lot worse, but yeah, basically... Just at first though!" He added emphatically. "Once I got it under control, I was there one hundred percent, mentally."  
  
Eddie waved a hand, a wide grin on his face. "It's okay, Barry. I'm not mad. I don't think we've ever had bad sex, so whatever you were doing... it's weird to find out about it, but it doesn't change the fact that the sex was good. Great, even."  
  
"Well, that's a relief." Barry said, chest swelling with pride as he settled back against the couch. When Eddie gave him a look, he huffed out a laugh. "You know how you sometimes have that paranoid thought that your partner's not enjoying themselves during sex? Or that you're not the stud you think you are? Knowing I was never a bad lay is kind of a confidence booster. And for the record, neither were you."  
  
Covering his heart with his hand, Eddie patted his chest, a smile playing on his lips. "Good to know you approved. But I kinda got the hint when you never kicked me out of bed."  
  
They both laughed and all the tension, all the awkwardness, it had all seemed to vanish, leaving nothing more than an easy companionship they'd never really been able to achieve before. Eddie propped his elbow up on the arm of the chair and leaned his head on his closed fist. "You know, I think we needed this."  
  
"Needed what?"  
  
"This. Talking. _Actually_ talking, without all the conflicting emotions and yelling. Getting everything out into the open. Closure."  
  
The smile fell from Barry's face. "Closure?" That sounded final and he didn't _want_ things to be final. Eddie had kissed him, before he'd gone back in time. He knew Eddie still loved him, still wanted to be with him, so why was he talking about closure?  
  
"Yeah... I think that was the biggest thing hanging us up. Things ended so badly and when that happens, it leaves so much up in the air. But this, being able to talk without any of the pain, without the anger? I think if I'd been smart enough to try this a long time ago, we would have been able to break things off a lot cleaner."

"So there's... no going back? You don't want to try and see if we can work things out?" _What am I doing wrong_ , Barry asked himself, _why isn't he telling me how he really feels_? _What did I do last time to make him change his mind_? Then he remembered that right before Eddie's confession, he'd been about to run off to a fight he wasn't guaranteed to win. The danger and the risk he'd been taking going up against Mardon had been what had spurred Eddie to revealing his feelings, and without it, those feelings would no doubt stay buried.

"There's nothing _to_ work out." Eddie said firmly, and Barry crumpled in on himself. "You're not the person I fell in love with, Barry. But you're not the bad guy I thought you to be, either... And I'm not saying this to be cruel. With clarity of hindsight, I know now that all the secrets, all the lies, they weren't done with malice. You got these powers and unlike most of the people who were also effected, you chose to do something selfless with them. No one who does that, who puts their life on the line, day in and day out, is a bad person. You made some questionable decisions, sure, because you're human, and bad things happened to you, like they do to _all_ people. But at the end of the day, you are not the person I pinned all my hopes and dreams on. And to be quite honest, some of that is _my_ fault."

"No, Eddie, it's not."

"Yes, it _is_. If I hadn't... _pushed_ this relationship on you, if we had taken a slower approach, then maybe things would have unfolded differently. We started all this right after you'd gotten your powers, when you were still discovering what you could do, and if had been _me_ , I would have been just as frightened as you had been. Adding a relationship to the mix... when I think back to the beginning, to how many times you pulled away and how I kept tugging you back, I know that I'm just as culpable for how things went down. If I had been less selfish about getting what I wanted, you might have been more comfortable in letting me know what you'd become sooner. Before... before Bivolo, at least. But we don't live in a perfect world and things didn't work out like they do in fantasy land. And there are consequences because of it."

"I understand that, but it's no reason not to _try_! I love you, Eddie, and I _know_ you love me, too." He breathed in hard through his nose, licking his lips before he exhaled harshly. "I know because you told me."

The color drained from Eddie's face. "No... I think that's something I would _remember_. It's not exactly something you forget saying for the first time to the person who inspires you to say it."

"Yeah, well... you said it. _Twice_ , actually." Barry held up two fingers, before placing his hand back on the arm of the couch. He began to pick at a loose thread in the upholstery. "The first time was the night I broke in to surprise you. You were still half-asleep. The second time was when you were high as a kite on morphine, after you'd been shot."

"And it... never occurred to you to tell me what I'd said? Or to say it back?"

"Oh, it did. The first time, we'd only been dating for several weeks. It kinda freaked me out, but that was when I knew I had to bite the bullet and tell you the truth. Even though it had been such a short time, once I actually thought about it, like, _really_ thought about, I realized that I... loved you back, but I didn't want to tell you I loved you until you knew about my powers. Second time, same thing. I promised myself I'd tell you, and again, it just didn't pan out. And the longer things went on, the longer I kept lying, I became afraid, because I didn't want you to ever think I was saying it just to manipulate your emotions when it all finally came out."

"Until you said it during the fight."

"I was _desperate_ at that point, Eddie. I knew going in that it was a bad idea to tell you, after what I did to you, and when things got outta hand... I just blurted it out. And of course, you thought I was saying it to manipulate you."

"I did. And it hurt. I know better now, but at the time?" Eddie shook his head, making a small slashing motion in the air with the flat of his hand. "I thought to myself, after the secrets and the beating, he's just saying it to save himself. Because if he really _did_ love me, he would have said something before. And it was just a downward spiral from there."

"Neither of us were at our best that night. If I'd had used a little common sense, I wouldn't have done it right after fighting the Reverse Flash. Or right after you learned about the metas existing. We were all wired and not thinking clearly. Joe wanted you to know the truth and I wanted you to know, but after lying to you all that time, I just wanted to get it over and done with. If I had actually stopped to think about it first, I would have told you differently... but then again, that's what I _always_ told myself. I'll tell him next time, I'll tell him when things have settled down. Next time, next time. Until there was no next time."

Eddie managed a tiny smile. "So no matter which way we slice it, no matter what we wish we could go back and change, we always would have ended up right _here_."

Letting out an hysterical chuckle that threatened to turn into a sob, Barry turned his head away until it passed. They could have avoided _here_ , but it would have been at the cost of Singh and Joe, and half of Central City. He'd never thought himself capable of having such horrible thoughts, but for a second, just a brief second, Barry wished he'd followed Wells' advice and just let things continue on as they had been meant to. He had to squash that line of thinking down. He would never sacrifice the lives of so many people, just so _he_ could be happy. _This_ was the better timeline, hands down, even if he didn't have Eddie back in it.

"Okay." He said, nodding his head solemnly. There really was nothing more that could be said. Joe, the Joe from before, had told him that he needed to hear from Eddie about how he really felt, and now that he had heard it from the source, Barry saw that there was no point in pressing the issue anymore. Eddie was done with him and Barry just had to come to terms with that. "Well, I'm glad we got a chance to... clear the air."

"Yeah, I am, too."

Barry stood up to leave and Eddie got to his feet to see him out. He wanted to think they were parting on amicable terms this time and Barry's smile, sad though it was, lent credence to the idea that while they weren't fixed, they were better. Bracing his hand on the door after Barry stepped out into the hallway, Eddie smiled back at him.

"Goodnight, Barry."

"Yeah, goodnight, Eddie." He turned to walk away, but stopped short. He opened his mouth to say something else before he appeared to think better of it. But then his posture straightened as he gathered his courage once more. He didn't care if it was monumentally stupid. Eddie had only ever wanted the truth out of him and Barry was going to give it to him. "You know, for what it's worth... no matter what happened between us, or what happens going forward, I'll always love you." He wasn't brave enough to see what the response to that would be, however and disappeared in a streak of yellow light.

Letting out a shuddering breath, Eddie stood at the door, staring blankly out into the hallway. It was if someone had dumped frozen ice water down his back, blood running cold through his veins.

" _I'll always love you..._ "

Knuckles turning white as his grip tightened on the door, he blinked rapidly, trying to fight off a wave of vertigo. He turned the words over and over in his head, as he had so many times since he'd first had the dream about Barry. He'd convinced himself that it was just his subconscious mind trying to deal with the breakup, and that he didn't care about what it meant, because it was over between them. But now... after their conversation, Eddie wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Barry saying that he wanted them to get back together, that he ended things with Linda just to be with him, taking responsibility for his actions, admitting that everything he'd done wrong had come from the desire to keep him happy, followed up by _those_ words, it had him questioning his own actions.

Hearing that single truth, outside the realm of his dreams, it was a clarion call to reassess everything he _thought_ he knew.

Despite their fight, the one thing he'd never doubted was Barry's love for him. He'd never doubted that what they had was real, but the anger and the pain had clouded all of that. The fact that Barry gone out of his way to lie had cut Eddie to the core, but he never once thought their relationship had been predicated on that lie. But that hadn't stopped him from being utterly devastated when the truth had finally come out. The betrayal, the lack of faith Barry had shown him, it had outweighed his love and he'd believed that if he allowed himself to go back after all that, he'd be exchanging his pride, his self-respect, just so he wouldn't be alone.

He'd wondered before if he was clinging to his pride like a lifeline, using it as a validation to keep from seeing reason about the whole of affair, and now, with Barry's confession, he realized he _had_ been. He had allowed himself to be blinded to what was most important and it had ever so slowly been killing him. His dream hadn't been some form of processing his emotions, it had been a mental kick in the ass, before he became nothing more than a hollow shell, bereft of meaning and purpose.  
  
It had been eating him up inside, the idea of Barry moving on, but while he'd thought it was the anger in Barry so easily moving on from their relationship that had been doing the eating, he recognized now that it was because _he_ was the one that hadn't moved on. He had cut Barry out of his life romantically, had given up on the idea of there ever being a reconciliation, and for what?

If he'd just put aside his pain, if he'd just allowed Barry's unerring love to be a salve on the open wounds and if he'd just worked with Barry to make the journey to getting past what had happened, neither of them would have been subjected to the misery they'd experienced since the split. He would have been happy, he would have been in love, and wasn't love between two people who truly cared for each other supposed to weather all storms?  
  
A neighbor and her kid walked past the open door and she paused in the hallway, giving him a funny look. "Are you all right?" She asked, curious as to why he was just standing there staring into space.  
  
"Huh?" Eddie came back to himself and flicked his gaze over to her. "Oh, yeah. I just received some... startling information. But thank you, though. Sorry I worried you." Slapping a weak smile onto his face, he gave her a wave and she smiled back, nodding her head before continuing on down the hall to her apartment.  
  
Eddie shut the door and turned to lean back against it. After a moment, he slowly slid down to the floor, the cold realization too heavy for his legs to continue bearing the weight. It was jarring, to recognize after so long that he'd been a massive idiot and that he'd callously given up on the one thing, the one _person_ , who could have guided him to the healing he had so desperately needed.  
  
What was worse, he'd realized too late. He'd put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship by telling Barry things were well and truly over, that he had gotten closure he needed. And Barry had begrudgingly accepted it. Eddie buried his face in his hands. He wanted to go back now, more than anything, and change things, to tell Barry he'd been wrong, that he _did_ still love him, and that he wanted to make things right. But how could he? How could they wash away the heartache caused by the fallout and start all over again?  
  
A light bulb spluttered to life inside Eddie's head. His shoulders began shaking as he laughed at the sheer simplicity of it.


	15. It All Comes Back To You

Henry surveyed the cortex of S.T.A.R. Labs, the gleaming surfaces and all the equipment jammed into every available corner, with childlike wonder in his eyes. He was well aware of just how much the world had changed outside the bars of Iron Heights, but seeing the sheer advancements of modern technology displayed before him, it was bringing out his inquisitive nature. He wished he had more time, more _freedom_ , to go over every piece, discovering how it worked and what it could do, but he knew he'd be turning back into a pumpkin soon, once the clock struck the hour.

He turned his head to find Barry's friend Cisco keenly watching him. He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, but half of this stuff didn't even exist when I was practicing. It all just looks so..." _Beyond my time_ , his mind supplied, _just like so many other things_.

Cisco grinned back at him. "No worries. I'd be happy to give you a crash course on all of it if you get out." He caught his usage of _if_ instead of _when_ too late and winced. "I'm gonna shut up now."

Henry chuckled and clapped a hand on his shoulder consolingly. "It's okay." If just the mention of showing him how to work everything was enough to bring out the excitement in Cisco's eyes, he'd gladly forgive him the grammatical faux pas, if it meant he'd have someone as passionate for his craft as Cisco educating him.

"Dr. Allen...?"

It had been so long since someone had called him by his title that it took Henry a moment to understand it was him they were talking to. Surprised, he turned to Caitlin. "Yes?"

"I'm feeling the need to give you a hug." From one doctor to another, from one _human_ to another, she knew the healing power of human contact, and figured that he needed one before he was regrettably returned to prison.

"Absolutely." Henry said without hesitation, making them all laugh at his certainty. "I will _always_ accept a hug." It wasn't every day a beautiful woman went around offering hugs and he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. He wrapped his arms around Caitlin, doing his best not to seem like an old pervert as he closed his eyes, held her close and took in a deep breath. It had been a _very_ long time since he'd smelled shampoo that didn't remind him of disinfectant and the floral scent of Caitlin's hair filled his senses. She was warm and gentle, something else he'd not experienced in years, and when they broke apart, he smiled at her for giving him such a gift.

"Thank you." He said warmly. Henry looked around at everyone in the cortex. "And thank you all. Barry may be the one running down the street like a bat outta hell, but you're _all_ heroes in my book. Especially you, Dr. Wells. Thank you for everything you've done for my son."

Wells shook his head deferentially. "Your son is an extraordinary man, Dr. Allen, as we all well know, and you can rest assured that my team and I will always do everything that is within our power to do, to ensure Barry's future."

Henry opened his mouth to respond but was cut off when Joe and another man walked in to the lab. His arrival was the signal that it was time to get going, but when the other man moved to stand a few feet from Barry, suit jacket swinging open to reveal a badge clipped to his belt, Henry realized who exactly the man was. He took a step toward him, giving him an assessing glance. Barry had told him he was ridiculously attractive, but Henry assumed he'd been wildly embellishing the details in his excitement to describe just how perfect Eddie was. Seeing him face to face, however, he realized just how wrong the assumption had been.

"So..." He drawled, not wanting to seem excited himself in meeting Barry's better half, "This is Eddie, huh? Nice to finally put a face to a name."

Eddie cleared his throat after being the object of Henry's intense focus and offered up his hand in greeting, affixing a good-natured smile on his face. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. We, uh... didn't really get a chance to meet properly, during the Parker case."

"Oh, yeah. That was you, huh?" Henry shook his hand, vaguely recalling having seen a blonde following Joe and Barry around when the police had been tossing Parker's cell after the escape, but he'd had no idea that it had been Eddie. If he had, he would have paid much closer attention to him and used his brief reprieve Joe's favor had earned him to do his fatherly duty, to let Eddie know what was what. Now that they had met properly, Henry wasn't going to let the chance slip through his fingers again.

When they released their grip on one another, Henry patted Eddie's arm and turned to Barry with a grin. "It's a fine looking young man you got here, slugger. Quite the couple you two make." They almost reminded him of himself and Nora. Barry may have gotten his eyes, but he shared his mother's darker coloring, while Eddie and he were more fair haired. Seeing them together, Henry felt a familiar pang of longing for his wife, but never allowed his grin falter. "How long has it been now, seven months, eight? How much longer until you make an honest man out of my boy here?"

Joe snorted loudly at that, a chuckle escaping before he could cover his mouth with a hand and Barry flushed an interesting shade of red. "Dad, no, we-"

"Now, Barry," Eddie interjected quickly, "every father has the right to embarrass his son in front of his boyfriend." He gave Barry a look, telling him with his eyes to just keep his mouth shut and play along with what he was doing. "If you try to fight it, I'm sure he'll just make it worse, so we might as well let him do it."

"And smart, too." Henry chuckled, glad to see Barry had picked someone with more than two brain cells to rub together. People _that_ pretty usually weren't that smart, and knowing Eddie was not only a detective, but Joe's partner to boot, Henry was impressed at how well Barry had done in falling for the right kind of guy. "Don't let this one out of your sight, Bar."

Grinning, Eddie searched out Barry's hand and took it in his own, giving his fingers a light squeeze. "I don't intend to let him, sir."

Henry scoffed, pointing a stern finger at Eddie. "It's been years since someone called me sir, so knock it off. It's _Henry_. Although... if you do the right thing, it might just be _dad_."

" _Oh, my God_..." Barry wanted nothing more than to sink directly into the floor, but Eddie's firm grip kept him from taking liquid form and seeping into the cracks in the tile. Cisco and Caitlin, who had twigged to what Eddie was doing for Henry, were doing their best not to laugh at the three of them, while Dr. Wells just sat there, watching the scene unfolding before them all with a bemused sort of expression on his face.

"Dad, stop, _please_." He begged, voice barely an octave above a whine.

"Then again." Ignoring Barry's pleas for mercy, Henry tightened his fingers on Eddie's arm, causing him to gasp quietly at the pressure. "You break his heart and I might just become guilty of murder after all."

"Duly noted." Eddie bit out, dropping his shoulder in effort to shake Henry off, to no immediate avail, as every time he moved, Henry just tightened his hold.

"I'm dead." Barry whispered to himself in mortification. "I'm dead and _this_ is Hell..." Thankfully, after another moment or two of threatening Eddie, Henry released his vice-like grip and Barry exhaled in relief.

Straightened up, Eddie put on a brave face before raising his and Barry's joined hands to kiss his knuckles tenderly. He peered into Barry's wide eyes, lips turning up in a radiant smile. If he had been scared about confessing to Barry just exactly how he felt, and how badly he wanted to be with him once more, the familiar act of being close to him, of holding his hand, it would have banished those fears. But he wasn't afraid, not in the slightest. He was just waiting for an opportune moment, and he had a feeling after this little act, that moment would be arriving for them soon enough.

Eddie tore his eyes away from Barry to look assuredly back at Henry. "I promise, I'll make sure I do right by him, si- _Henry_."

"Make sure that you do." He took a step back, to capture the image of Barry and Eddie in his mind, so he had a good memory of them to hold on to after he was back at Iron Heights. He'd have to remember to request that Barry send a photograph of the two of them in the next letter he mailed out, so he'd have something real and more permanent to look at, a bright spot in his lonely cell.

Nodding once, confident that he'd done his job, Henry turned on his heel and held out his wrists to Joe. "It's time."

Joe shook his head and put a hand on Henry's wrist, pushing them back down. "No."

"No?" Henry asked. Even though Joe now knew he wasn't a killer, or dangerous, and would never attempt to make an escape, he couldn't help but feel a little incredulous.

Placing a gentle hand on Henry's elbow, Joe flashed him a sad smile. "No." Henry had already suffered enough indignities for one lifetime, let alone that evening, and letting him enjoy his freedom for a little longer was the least he could do.

"Okay."

Together, they headed out of the cortex, but he paused when Joe glanced back at Barry. "You coming with?"

"Yeah, yeah... just, uh... gimme a second?"

Taking the hint, Joe got the idea that maybe he should take Henry the long way out to the parking lot, while Barry took care of figuring out what Eddie had been doing with that little display of his, before rejoining them for the ride to Iron Heights.

When the two of them left, Wells stared penetratingly at Barry and Eddie, before ushering Caitlin and Cisco out of the cortex, giving them a little privacy, under the guise that they should go see Henry off. Barry watched them all leave, his doubts about Wells continuing to grow, but there were currently more pressing matters at hand. He turned to Eddie with a confused expression on his face. "What was _that_ for?"

Eddie shrugged casually. "That was for your dad. He's happy knowing you're the Flash, and in case you didn't notice, he's happy thinking that we're together. So why destroy that for him, before sentencing him back to prison?"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe because that is something some people would consider to be a _lie_?" After going on about how lies hurt people, Barry had been more than a little shocked that Eddie had baldfaced lied to his father. And _convincingly_ at that. When Eddie had been gazing soulfully into his eyes, he'd almost believed that everything bad that had happened between them had been a nightmare and that they were still happily in love with each other. For a brief moment, it was like the past few months had never happened, and the knowledge that it had all been for show was like a knife to the heart. He didn't miss the irony, though, that Eddie, who abhorred lies, had been so masterful at spinning them. If this was a taste of his own medicine, Barry now knew with frightening clarity _exactly_ how it felt, and why Eddie had been so angry at him.

"More like a _white_ lie," Eddie said, bringing Barry back into the moment, "You know, so you don't hurt someone's feelings. Like when I said you sound good singing in the shower."

"Hey," Barry sniped, mildly affronted, "I sound _great_ when I sing in the shower."

"Mm-hm." Eddie said, fighting back a smirk.

"I _do_."

"Sure you do... Just amazing."

Rolling his eyes, Barry glanced down at their joined hands, where Eddie was softly rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. There was no hesitation in the caress and even when he'd been caught, Eddie didn't release him. Barry almost let himself be fooled again, by the easy rapport they had when together and the loving touches that used to be second nature to the both of them. He had to remind himself that it wasn't real, that Eddie had shut down any hope of it ever being real again, and Barry slowly unwound their fingers, shuffling backwards, to get back into his own personal space. "I should, uh... I should go. Don't wanna miss my ride."

Eddie cleared his throat, hands going to his hips. "Yeah, I'll uh, I'll catch up with you later." Barry needed to spend all the time that he could with his father and whatever discussion they needed to have, it would hold until they had a better chance to talk.

Not knowing how to respond to that, Barry settled for giving Eddie a perplexed look. "... yeah, okay." He replied, after an extended pause. He made his way out of the cortex, casting one last glance over his shoulder at Eddie. He knew it was unhealthy to keep reading into their interactions, but whatever had just happened between them, it was hard _not_ to do just that. Either Eddie really was _that_ good at lying, or he had truly been speaking from his heart. Barry quickly put a stop to that train of thought, not daring to get his hopes up, only to have them squashed once more.

When he caught up to his dad and Joe, Barry slapped a smile onto his face. It was best to just take what time he had with his father, and not to worry about what Eddie's ploy had meant.

 

* * *

 

"I'm coming, jeez, hold your horses!" Barry called out, hurrying through the apartment to answer the door. Whoever was on the other side was knocking loudly and persistently, and unless the building was on fire, he intended to give them a piece of his mind for it. Scowling, he wrenched the door open. " _What_?! Oh... Eddie." His anger dissipated, quickly replaced with uncertainty. "Whaa-at are you doing here?" When Eddie had said he'd see him later, he hadn't expected it to be later _that night_.

"I'm here to tell you that you were right and I was wrong." Without invitation, he brushed past Barry and walked right into the apartment. "May I come in?" He asked as an afterthought.

Utterly confused, Barry blinked at the empty space in the hall where Eddie had just been. " _Sure_ , come on in." Shutting the door, he turned to look at Eddie, who had begun pacing around the living room. He watched him for a moment in bewildered silence, but once Eddie's nervousness started to put him on edge, Barry took a few steps toward him, planting his feet to the floor to cut him off. Once it had the intended effect, Eddie coming to a halt directly in front of him, Barry tucked his hands into his pockets and gave him an expectant look.

"So what was I right about?"

"You were right about _us_."

Barry's jaw hit the floor so fast, he was surprised it hadn't been accompanied by a sonic boom. Of all the things he'd thought Eddie would say to explain his late-night visit, _that_ hadn't been one of them. He tried to say something, but all that came out was an garbled string of noises. Swallowing thickly to regain his voice, he tried again, though his tone was less ecstatic and more wary. "... I thought you said there was _no_ us."

"I did. Which is why you were right and I was wrong." Eddie lifted his hand and scrubbed anxiously at his cheek, whiskers rasping under his fingers. "All I've been thinking about since you came over was you and our fight, and why I couldn't just let it all go when you wanted to get back together. And then it hit me..."

"Oh-kay..." Barry didn't dare to let himself hope that this was going where he _thought_ this was going, but a sense of elation began to creep up inside of him, despite his best efforts to tamp it down. After all the turmoil between them, he didn't want to risk having his feelings hurt again. "Figured what out?"

"What I've been doing wrong this whole time."

"All right... _what_ have you been doing wrong?"

"I've still been crazy about you. All this time. But I tried to ignore what I felt, so I could get over you, because I couldn't let go of my anger after what you'd done. So how could I still love someone, even after being hurt once I'd learned they weren't who I thought were?"

Not having a response to that, because he didn't have the vaguest conception where Eddie was going with all this, Barry simply shrugged his shoulders, hoping it would be the answer Eddie needed to keep going.

"The problem was that I couldn't come to terms with who I _thought_ you were, versus who you _really_ are. I was hung up on the thought that I never believed you'd be capable of lying and running around keeping all these secrets from me." Eddie stepped forward, gazing into Barry's eyes as he got closer to him.

"After the dust settled and I got to a place were I was finally able to look at things objectively, I still couldn't get past the lies. It was driving me insane. Whenever you hear about people getting back together with someone who cheated on them or abused them, you always wonder _why_? Why keep subjecting yourself to that, when the smart choice is just to move on to something better? So why did I still care about you, when I thought that giving in to those feelings would just mean signing up for another potential heartbreak? But then I had this dream... I won't even go into it, because a lot of doesn't make sense, even to me and it was _my_ dream. In this dream, you managed to make me see what was important in life. Mainly because we were both about to _die_ , but when I woke up, I thought it was just a way of me coping with the break up and did what I always did... I ignored it.

"But then you came over the other day, wanting to start over, and you said something..." Eddie reached out and put his hands on Barry's shoulders. "That's when I realized that despite all that I'd done to ignore my feelings, I'd never stopped loving you. I'd just allowed myself to be blinded by how upset I was... blinded to what was _truly_ important. But even then, knowing I loved you and that there was nothing I wanted more than to be with you, I just couldn't get over what had happened. Even Iris had a hard time of it at first. She knows you better than anyone and _she_ couldn't believe that you'd lied to her for so long. But she forgave you anyway, when I couldn't. She loves you just as much as I do, she was hurt just as much, so why could she forgive you when I couldn't? All I could think was that if I gave in and tried to sweep it all under the rug so we could be together again, it would only end up hurting us. Maybe not for years, but it would still come back eventually to haunt us. And then it dawned on me.

"The reason why I had kept encountering this problem is because who you were... I met that person for all of an _hour_ before you became someone else... before you became _something_ else. Everything I thought you were was based on that first meeting and I spent months creating this perfect ideal of you in my mind while you were in a coma. I then pushed you into a relationship before you'd come to terms with all that had happened to you and could cope with your new life, your new self. So when you failed to live up to my ideals, I just snapped. I did the one thing I swore I'd _never_ do to anyone, and that was disown them after learning who they really were. My father did that to me, after I came out, and I knew how awful it felt to be shut out. And in my anger, I did it anyway, and that's something that can never be forgiven. But that failure isn't on you, it's on _me_. For all that I blamed you for pushing me to by breaking my heart..." Eddie thought back to Joe's words, the day after he'd broken up with Barry. "I broke your heart as well."

"Eddie, I already told you..." Barry lifted his arm, wrapping his fingers gently around one of Eddie's wrists, rubbing at the warm skin just above the cuff of his sleeve. "I've forgiven you for that. Whether you think you deserve my forgiveness or not, you have it. And I _don't_ blame you for us rushing into things. We both wanted a relationship and in the end, _I_ made the decision to be with you. I knew what hiding the truth would earn me, but I kept doing it anyway. And it hurt that you broke up me, but I could have saved both of us the heartache if I'd told you no. But I _didn't_. Well... I _tried_ to, but you were just so gorgeous and sweet and amazing that I said to myself _I want that happiness_  and to hell with the consequences."

"And those consequences have been terrible, on both sides. But that's all over and done with. We've talked it out and made amends already, but now I want to make things right... And I finally figured out how to start over. Once I got over all my own bullshit and insecurities, I knew that forgiving you, the way you'd forgiven me, making up for what I've done and having you back in my life, it was more important than my pride, or holding on to my anger out of spite. But there was still the issue of how to get over the ideal I had of you, how to wipe the slate clean, because I couldn't move forward, _we_ couldn't move forward, if I was still holding you to a standard that existed only in my mind."

"All right. So what did you come up with, to solve everything?"

Eddie let out a shaky breath and released Barry's shoulders, so he could offer up his hand. "Hi, I'm Eddie, it's nice to meet you. I'm a detective with Central City PD, I'm closer to thirty than I care to admit, and despite the macho stereotype of guys who like football and working out at the gym, I'm really a romantic at heart."

Blinking, Barry tried to understand what Eddie was doing, and after a moment, understood perfectly. To move forward, they had to start all over again. And that meant going in with everything out on the table. Chuckling softly, he reached out to shake Eddie's hand. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Barry and I'm a forensic tech, also with the CCPD. I just so happen to have a thing for romantic pretty boy detectives creeping toward thirty and in my off hours, I enjoy putting on a leather suit and fighting crime as the Flash."

"Really, the Flash?" Eddie asked, as casually as if he were asking about the weather. He let go of Barry's hand and furrowed his brow. "You're not just saying that because you think it will impress me, are you?"

"Why, is that something that _would_ impress you?" 

"Well, I _have_ seen him around, being a cop and all. Seems to be an upstanding guy. And I gotta admit... that red leather suit really compliments his ass."

"Well, that ass just so happens to be _my_ ass, because I really _am_ him. But no, I'm not just saying that to impress you. I thought you should know that being the Flash means my life is pretty hectic, and a little dangerous, too. But if that doesn't bother you, I'd love to take you out for a drink some time. Get to know you better. I may have to, y'know, run off to save kittens from trees and help little old ladies fend off purse snatchers, but I'm pretty fast, so it won't take that long."

"Just long as you don't mind that I too get called away from time to time, to help prevent crime as well, I don't see that being an issue."

"Well then... I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

"Me, too. Me, too..."

There was a pause, the two of them smiling at the cheesiness of their faux introductions, before they launched themselves at each other. Neither of them knew who'd made the leap first, but it didn't really matter, not when they crashed together in a fierce kiss. All that mattered was slaking a hunger that had been gnawing at them for _far_ too long.

"I'm sorry." Barry breathed between quick, hard kisses, burying his fingers in Eddie's hair, blunted nails dragging across his scalp.

Eddie groaned and arched into Barry, teeth nipping at his bottom lip. "I'm sorry, too." His mouth skated down Barry's chin, nudging his head up to attack his neck with teeth and tongue. "I'm _so_ sorry, Bar." Eddie tugged at the collar of his shirt, moving the material so he could bite at the juncture of his shoulder. "I swear that I'm never letting you go again." Barry shivered in his arms and Eddie felt his body conduct the sensation directly to his groin. When the shivering continued unabated, Eddie abandoned his work, leaning back to stare at Barry.

Now that he no longer had to hide it, Barry was vibrating without reservation, though he couldn't help but feel embarrassed about it under Eddie's intense scrutiny. He smiled nervously. "It's a _good_ thing, remember?"

Hearing the hesitation in Barry's voice, Eddie cupped his cheek to reassure him with a soft kiss. "It's okay, I remember." Pulling back, he gazed warmly into Barry's eyes. "Now that I know, I'd almost be offended if you _weren't_ shaking."

Barry's smile turned coy. "Well, I'm not shaking _now_..." He released his hold on Eddie and held out his arms, to illustrate his point.

"Oh, we'll see about that." Without so much as a warning, Eddie reached down for the hem of Barry's shirt and yanked it up. Barry raised his arms to help him as he wrestled it over his head, and once it was off, Eddie flung it to the floor. He immediately descended upon one of Barry's nipples, sealing his lips around it and eliciting a sharp moan from him. It was Barry's weak point and within seconds, he was shivering once more. His knees buckled but Eddie wrapped his arms around Barry to hold him up as he relentlessly tormented the nub.

"God, _Eddie_..." Barry whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as the pleasure of the simple act shot through him. He'd almost forgotten what this was like, being with someone he was comfortable with, who knew how to undo him without even trying, who could make him forget about what was going on around him for just a little while, and he never wanted to let go of Eddie again.

How he'd missed that, his name uttered so reverently from beautiful lips, the sound of it sending a thrill once so familiar down his spine. Sliding his arms down past Barry's hips, Eddie hoisted him up into the air. Barry let out a yelp but quickly adapted to the change, looping his legs securely around Eddie, interlocking his fingers behind his neck. Once Eddie was sure they were steady, he released Barry's nipple with an audible _pop_ , tongue trailing a line across his chest to latch on to the other one, leaving it just as red and swollen as the other. Barry melted in his arms, vibrating bodily as he was reduced to moaning half-formed curses and nonsense words.

Bringing up a mental map of Barry's apartment to pinpoint where the bedroom was, Eddie took a careful step forward. He made it to the bedroom with only a few bumps along the way, Barry's pleasured noises peppered with occasional chuckle as they bounced off the walls. It was slow going but neither minded, the inexorable journey to the inevitable only heightening the anticipation.

Depositing Barry on the bed, mattress creaking beneath their weight, Eddie knelt between his legs, peering down at him with complete adoration. He couldn't believe his good fortune, having _this_ again and he drank in the visage of Barry laid out before him, swearing he'd never again forsake Barry for anything. Eddie's hands went to the fly of Barry's jeans, popping the button open and he bent down, kissing a trail down Barry's abdomen.

The press of Eddie's lips sent the muscles jumping and it shook something loose in Barry's mind, a memory of someone else doing the same thing. He reached out, taking Eddie's face in his hand, fingers curling against his cheek. Eddie stopped and lifted himself up, giving him a puzzled look. "What's wrong?"

Barry shook his head, thumb tracing under the curve of Eddie's lower lip. "I never slept with Linda. We fooled around a lot, but we never... there's been no one but you."

They had been broken up, free to do whatever with whomever and Eddie hadn't intended to hold Barry's relationship with Linda against him. Knowing that Barry hadn't been with anyone else but him however, Eddie couldn't stop the feeling of exhilaration from building inside him, and it was only fair of him to return the favor. "Then you should know that I... picked up a guy at bar and took him home. I thought sleeping with him would help me get over you, but I was too drunk and I..." Eddie felt his face flush. He made a motion with his hand. "Couldn't go through with it."

Barry arched a brow. "You couldn't get it up, could you?"

Eddie sighed and hung his head, chin dropping to his chest. "That, too."

He tried to stifle his laughter at the admission, lips trembling with the force of his effort to keep it in, but was unsuccessful. Barry covered his mouth with his free hand, the bed shaking underneath him as he laughed so hard, tears formed at the corners of his eyes. When Eddie glared down at him, it only became worse, the sound reverberating off the walls.

"It's _not_ funny, Barry!" Eddie cried in indignation.

"I _know_ and I'm _sorry_!" He replied from between his fingers, picturing the unfortunate scenario in his head. No man ever wanted to be caught having performance issues, but it was just _too_ hilarious. "I can't help it, though!"

Watching Barry turn red as he laughed at his misery, Eddie rolled his eyes at the spectacle. "Well, at least _someone_ finds it funny. Really pissed _him_ off... but it kept me from trying again. Guess I can say I'm glad for it now." He was glad to have gotten it off his chest, even if Barry was laughing in his face because of it.

"It's okay." Barry said, once he'd calmed down enough to not have his words slurred by laughter. Removing his hand from his mouth, he lifted it up, using it to draw Eddie down to him. He nuzzled his face tenderly, kissing his lips. "Even if you had done something, it's like you said, clean slate. We're here now and I want you _so much_." Barry lifted his hips, grinding up against Eddie, to make up for teasing him, and to show him just how much he was wanted. "I love you, Eddie."

For all his imaginings about how such a moment would have played out, it hadn't prepared him for the impact the words would actually have. "I love you, too." Eddie replied softly, voice breaking as he said what had been in his heart for months. Feeling something break inside of him, he fastened their mouths together, pouring into Barry the depth and sincerity of his emotions. Barry, not to be outdone, took it all in and fed it right back to him, until they were both overwhelmed by the enormity of their shared moment.  
  
Barry tugged at Eddie's tie, undoing the knot before going to work on the buttons of his shirt, needing to feel skin on skin. It was a delicious fight, getting their clothes off while trying not to break the kiss, the two of them rolling around and around on the bed in the struggle to divest themselves of the barriers between them, but Eddie lost the game when Barry finally got his slacks unbuttoned.  
  
He abruptly pulled back to peer down at Barry, who was too distracted with getting the slacks and boxer-briefs down past his hips. "Whatever happened to the guy who swore he didn't put out on the first date?" Granted, the whole reintroduction thing was just an exercise in dealing with their issues, but they'd been pretty quick with hopping back into bed together.  
  
Snorting loudly, Barry glanced up at Eddie and arched a brow. "I'm the Flash, remember?" He lifted a foot, hooking a toe on Eddie's slacks to push them down and off his legs. "Means I move fast, literally _and_ figuratively." Barry drew Eddie's naked body down onto his own, until they were flush together. "And you should get moving yourself... supplies are in the drawer."  
  
Eddie slid his gaze over to the nightstand. It was tempting to just dive right in, but he shook his head, wanting something _more_ for this reunion. He turned to Barry, who was glancing up at him with a confused expression on his face.  
  
"No..." His hand found its way between their bodies and Barry let out a gasp, eyes fluttering shut as his back arched off the bed. Eddie brushing his lips tenderly over Barry's. "I've got a lot to make up for and I'm  _not_ rushing it."

" _No_..." Barry whined as Eddie flicked his wrist just _so_ , sending his body into shivers once more. "Nngh, slow is good, too." Gasping, he melted under Eddie's ministrations. "Slow is _definitely_ good."

 

*~*~*

  
  
Iris let herself in to the apartment, shoving the spare key into her purse as she shut the door behind her. "Barry! You _really_ need to learn to start picking up your phone! I've been calling _all_ morning!"  
  
"Iris."  
  
Freezing at the sound of her name, she slowly craned her head around to find Eddie peeking his head out from around the kitchen corner. Her eyes went comically wide, jaw dropping open. She'd recognized the voice but seeing Eddie, _actually_ seeing him, in Barry's apartment, it was a complete shock.  
  
"Eddie, holy crap! What are-"  
  
"Iris." Eddie repeated, cutting her off. "I need you to listen, because this is _very_ important."

Staring at him, she nodded her head dumbly. "Okay..."

"Close your eyes and turn around."  
  
"Why, are you... _oh, my God_!" Iris instantly spun on her heel, squeezing her eyes shut. "God, I _didn't_ know!"  
  
Once he was sure Iris couldn't see him, Eddie crept out of the kitchen, covering himself as best he could, just in case. He quickly made his way back to the bedroom, but instead of finding Barry naked and sprawled out on the bed where he'd left him, he was fully dressed, doing his best not to burst out laughing.  
  
"You jackass." Eddie muttered under his breath, shutting the door before picking his clothes up off the floor.  
  
Barry did laugh then, returning Eddie's murderous look with a goofy grin. "Sorry. I heard her come in and panicked. I didn't even think about you until I heard you talking to her."  
  
"Well, it's a good thing you got yourself dressed then, because now _you_ get to go out and talk to her, while _I_ stay in here and die from embarrassment."  
  
"Oh, no. You're not getting off the hook that easily." Racing around Eddie, Barry got him dressed in two seconds flat, leaving Eddie a bit dazed once he was done.  
  
"Okay, _that_ was weird." Eddie glanced down at himself, patting at his shirt and tie as though he wasn't sure they were real. " _Handy_ ," He conceded, when he realized he looked just fine, despite being dressed by someone else, "but weird."  
  
"After this morning, trust me, that was _tame_ by comparison." Barry said with a leer.  
  
"Hey, I said you didn't have to do it if you weren't comfortable with it, and I didn't hear any complaints during, so..."  
  
"So you _did_ like it?" Barry asked quietly, glancing away nervously. He'd been a bit more confident when they'd been in the throes of passion, but now that they had some distance from it, he'd started to second guess himself.  
  
Eddie took a step forward and took Barry's chin in his fingers, turning his head back to give him a peck on the lips. "I _loved_ it." He whispered. "And if we can get rid of Iris fairly quickly, I want to do it again."  
  
A slow smile spread across Barry's face. "Yeah, definitely." He replied, a bit breathlessly, not wanting to lose a minute in making up for all the time they'd lost out on. Shaking off the lascivious thoughts, not wanting to go out and see Iris with a suspicious glaze to his eyes, he took Eddie's hand in his own. "C'mon, let's go face the music." They opened the door to head out into the hallway and were greeted by a bright flash of light.  
  
Iris lowered her phone and grinned at the two of them. "Sorry. My dad wouldn't have believed me unless I had photographic evidence to back it up."  
  
Blinking to get their vision back, they shuffled out into the living room and Iris descended upon them, wrapping them both up in a hug. It was a bit awkward, with the height disparity, but she made it work, squeezing them both as tight as she could, pressing cheerful kisses to their cheeks. "I'm _so_ glad you're back together!" They had been so stupid for so long and she'd wanted nothing more than to knock their heads together, to make them see sense. Now that they had, she didn't want them to do it again. When she drew back, she cupped her hands to their cheeks, smiling innocently up at them for a brief second before she pushed their heads together.

" _Ow_!"

"What the _hell_?!"

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!" She withdrew her hands and pointed at Barry. "No more lying!" Iris then rounded on Eddie menacingly. "And no more breaking up! You two get into a fight, you find a way to solve your problems, like _normal_ people!" She was aware that their situation wasn't exactly what one would call _normal_ , but it didn't mean they couldn't solve their problems just like everyone else did.

They had the good decency to look chagrined at the chastisement. Averting their eyes, they both mumbled _I'm sorry_ and rubbing at their heads, they quickly moved out of Iris' reach, before she decided to take another whack at them for good measure. Eddie plopped down into the lone armchair Barry had in his living room, and Barry perched himself on the arm. He may have wanted to be out of hitting range from Iris, but the same couldn't be said of Eddie, who had only been out of sight once since coming over the previous night, and that had been to grab them a bottle of water from the fridge, before Iris had walked in.

He jumped slightly when Eddie's hand found its way under his shirt, having not expected the touch, but relaxed when his knuckles rubbed gently at his back. Barry spun his head around to peek down at Eddie, who simply shrugged his shoulders. It seemed the feeling of not wanting to be out of reach from each other was mutual.

Tugging her purse off her shoulder, Iris kept one eye on Barry and Eddie as she took a seat on the couch. They seemed to be glowing from their reunion - _probably from all the sex_ , her mind supplied, _which you should_ not _be thinking about, perv!_ \- and Iris couldn't help but feel happy for them.

"Well, I hope you two had a nice long talk about how ridiculous you were being, and didn't just hop back into bed together." When they both glanced away guiltily, her eyes widen. "Oh, my God, you _idiots_!"

"Hey, we _talked_! Barry said defensively, before giving Iris a nervous grin. "And _then_ we hopped into bed."

"Where we talked some more," Eddie chimed in, "in between, uh... y'know."

"Yeah. We promised to be more constructive, should we ever have another argument."

"And I promised that whatever happens in the future, I'll remember just how much I love Barry, so I'll never hurt him again."

"And I promised never to hide anything from Eddie again, no matter how detrimental I think it might be."

"Because we're stronger than that... it took us a while to recognize, but we got there."

Twisting around, Barry leaned down to kiss Eddie, murmuring an _I love you_ into his lips. Eddie whisper the sentiment right back, sinking into the kiss hungrily, their tongues twining together sinuously. It was only when Iris cleared her throat that they realized they still had company and broke apart.

"Sorry," Eddie said, "we're back in the honeymoon phase."

Shaking her head at the both of them, Iris pulled a file folder out of her purse. She really hated to be the one to burst their adorable bubble but she had questions that only they would be able to answer. Once she had those answers, she wouldn't need to be told twice to make herself scarce. "So, I promise to make this as quick as possible, so you can get back to your... being naked together," _God, when did I become_ _Barry?_ , "but you never told me if you'd gotten a chance to look into locating Mason."

Eddie sucked in a breath between his teeth. He'd told Iris he'd do some checking up on him, but had completely forgotten all about it. "Iris, I'm sorry. With the Trickster and the hostage situation, and then things with Barry... it slipped my mind."

She wanted to be upset with him, she really did. Mason, for all his strutting, was a great journalist and her coworker, and she was worried about him, but she couldn't really begrudge Eddie getting wrapped up in getting back together with Barry. Sighing, she placed a hand on the folder, now resting on her lap. "Well, while you two were... y'know, I took the liberty of poking around his desk, and there was _nothing_. His computer had been wiped and all his notes for this article he'd been working on were gone. All I could find were a few emails to some sources of his that were still on the Picture News server," Iris tapped the folder with a nail, "but that was it. No one knows where he went and our boss told me hadn't put in for any vacation time. It's like he just up and vanished."

Eddie went to lean forward, so he could take the folder, but Barry opened his mouth, cutting the motion off.

"Iris... there's," He sighed and put his face in his hand, any idea of running back to bed with Eddie quickly evaporating. "There's something I need to tell, and it's gonna be... hard to digest. But you can't say anything to _anyone_ and after I tell you, you need to act like you _don't_ know. Because if you don't, you could put us all in danger."

Iris and Eddie exchanged glances at Barry's foreboding tone. Eddie turned his gaze back to him, and Iris bit her lip. She didn't want to say that she could keep a secret, only to have it be so devastating that she couldn't comport herself the way Barry was asking her to. But she needed to know what was going on, and what had happened, no matter the cost. "Yes, of course I promise." She said, willing to take the risk, to do the right thing for Mason.

"The same goes for you, Eddie." Barry shifted around to peer down at him. "None of this can leave the room." 

"I thought we were done with all the secrets. It's not even been half a day since we made up and already, you're asking us to keep _more_ secrets."

"This isn't..." Barry groaned and pushed himself off the arm of the chair, getting to his feet to walk a few paces from Iris and Eddie. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to rein in the jumble of thoughts and emotions. "This isn't just a secret, it's..." He couldn't even describe what it was. Everything he thought he knew about the man he trusted and respected had been proven completely false, and the truth of what Wells was had left a bitterly hollow wound inside of him. "It's a ticking _bomb_. And unless I do something to disarm it, it will destroy _everything_. I don't know when, I don't know how, I don't even know _why_ , but I know that it'll hurt everyone I care about."

Slowly turning back around, Barry faced Eddie, looking him square in the eye. "But if there's one thing you taught me, it's that the best way to defend yourself is to know what you're up against, and to have those who matter most right beside you." He flicked his gaze to Iris. "And if they're up for it, to fight alongside you as well."

Iris nodded her head solemnly. "Always. Whatever it takes."

Giving her a half smile, Barry crossed his arms over his chest, taking a moment to mentally gird himself before exhaling loudly. "Mason Bridge is dead." Iris' eyes widened, her mouth falling open in a gasp. "And I... I think Dr. Wells killed him."

The silence in the apartment was deafening. Iris sat there, utterly stunned by the revelation, while Eddie only appeared pensive at the news. Barry took a step toward him, raising a brow curiously. "You don't seem too surprised by that..."

"I, uh... I didn't know about Mason but... Joe and I have been looking into Wells for a while now. We've not found anything that points to him being a murderer, but there's a lot of circumstantial evidence that suggests he's not as clean cut as he makes himself out to be."

Barry had known that Joe was harboring his suspicions about Wells, but he hadn't been aware that he'd brought Eddie in on it. "What happened to no secrets?" He asked wryly.

"Well, I..." Eddie cleared his throat, huffing out a weak chuckle as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "I..."

"I'm guessing he wasn't a liberty to discuss ongoing cases with you." Iris offered, giving Barry a pointed look. "That's what you told me, right? When you were trying to keep me from looking into your escapades as the Flash. Works both ways, I suppose."

Unable to argue with that, Barry waved a hand in defeat. "Okay, fair enough. I'll give you that one, Eddie." It wasn't worth hashing out Eddie looking into Wells, when he'd just gone to Joe and told him he now believed all his suspicions were well-founded. "But this goes beyond circumstantial. Mason was working on an exposé about Wells. He had all these newspaper clippings and photos and case notes from Central City _and_ Starling."

"Wait... I knew Mason was working on something big. He kept trying to get me to go over everything but I never had a chance to look over his notes. And now everything he found is gone, so how do _you_ know about it, when even _I_ didn't?"

He couldn't tell Iris that in the day that never was, that not only had he spoken with Mason about Wells, but that she herself had come to him with Mason's file, to ask him what was really going on at S.T.A.R. Labs. He would have to tell her and Eddie eventually, but telling them now would only lead to more questions and right now, they needed to focus on the matter at hand.

"I just _do_." Barry said, gracelessly dodging the question. "He thought Wells had killed Simon Stagg and I think Wells got rid of Mason to cover his tracks."

"Okay, but why kill Stagg in the first place?" Eddie asked. "He wasn't a threat to Wells, personally or business-wise, so what's his motivation?"

"I don't know _why_ he did it, but I'm sure one of the reasons is that... Wells is the Reverse Flash."

Eddie, not missing a beat, spoke up. "The glass at his house." When Barry gave him a funny look, he elaborated. "The night Rathaway attacked him, Joe couldn't figure out how Wells had escaped all the falling glass without a scratch on him."

When Barry been piecing together the debris of Wells' skylight, his sole focus had been on discovering the source of what had shattered the glass, and he'd not even given a single thought to Wells' escape from it. Now that he was putting serious thought to it, and the last several months, the evidence of who Wells really was had always been right there in front of him, but he'd not allowed himself to see it.

"And there's Stein to consider." Eddie added. "Wells went to see Eiling a few hours before he supposedly broke into S.T.A.R. Labs to take Stein. He said he didn't remember anything about the kidnapping, but I'd bet you anything that Wells staged the whole thing and then lied about it to cover his tracks."

Barry raised his eyebrows in surprise. When Joe had told him that he and Eddie had been investigating Wells, he hadn't been aware of just how thorough they'd been in keeping tabs on him. Of all the things he'd suspected of Wells, trying to harm Ronnie and Martin hadn't been one of them and he was glad they'd done their homework.

"But... Wells is in a _wheelchair_." Iris said. "How could he possibly be the Reverse Flash?"

"I think the wheelchair is just for show." Barry parked himself on the couch next to Iris. "Last night, after taking my dad back to Iron Heights, I was talking with Joe on the way back. When Wells was talking me through phasing, so I could get the Trickster's bomb off me... the _way_ he described running, feeling the wind and the power of being the Flash... it was like he was talking from experience. I didn't want to believe it at first, but. Wells _is_ the man in yellow. And he killed my mom."

After a moment of heavy silence, Eddie leaned forward in the chair, reaching out to take Barry's hand in his own. Iris followed suit, taking up his other hand to interlock their fingers. He'd been tracking down his mother's killer for years and she knew that seeing his father thrown in jail on false accusations, he would just go around blindly accusing anyone of the crime, not unless he believed with all his heart that he'd found the right man.

"We believe you, Barry. And we'll help you prove it."

"Whatever it takes. Just tell us what to do, and it's done."

Smiling at them both, Barry gladly drank in the support they were giving him. He was going to need it, need _them_ , two of the people he loved more than anything else in the world backing him up, now more than ever.


	16. When We Were All Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get started, I need to thank [Enina](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Enina/pseuds/Enina) for pointing out some clarity issues in the last chapter, in regards to the shakiness in the foundation of Eddie and Barry's relationship, specifically as to Barry's acceptance of Eddie's apology and their conversation before getting back together. In effort to fix that, I went back and edited in some more dialogue between the two of them, to flesh out Barry's acceptance of Eddie's apology, as well as to add some dialogue between Iris, Eddie and Barry, so that hopefully, it all makes more sense.
> 
> In that same vein, I need to thank [Jade_Letters](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_Letters/pseuds/Jade_Letters) for giving me the mental kick I needed to go about writing _this_ chapter, one I hadn't originally intended to do. Also, because I am the living embodiment of a dumb blonde, in the last chapter, I forgot to link this beautiful [fanart](http://crazyjadeletters.tumblr.com/post/122396500937/ok-so-this-is-fan-art-of-a-fic-by-the-fablulous) she created for this story.

Adrenaline pumping through his veins, Eddie turned the street corner a little too sharply, feeling the SUV lose traction control for the briefest of moments before it corrected itself. Luckily, the vehicle he and Joe were chasing had experienced the same thing as they'd taken the turn, and the gap between the two vehicles closing considerably as the pursuit continued. Eddie put the pedal to the floor, the RPM needle jumping as he unleashed all of the SUV's three hundred and sixty horses.

The gap closed again, the car in front barely able to stay ahead of them while dodging traffic and navigating the slick roads. Fingers tightening around the steering wheel, Eddie flew down the road, eyes on the distance between them, needing just a few more feet before he could PIT maneuver them and end the chase.

A call came in over the radio, alerting them to another robbery and Joe scoffed beside him. "Has every criminal in this city lost their damn minds? That's the _third_ attempted robbery tonight." He pulled out his cell phone and hit the speed dial. After a second, the call connected. "Hey, Bar, we got another one. 18th and Olive."

He hadn't even hung up the phone when a burst of light filled the backseat. Eddie mistakenly flicked his eyes to the rear-view mirror, foot instinctually lifting a few millimeters off the pedal as he did so, and the decrease of speed lost him precious ground. He put his eyes back on the road to catch up and Joe turned in his seat, to survey their new passengers.

"Who's this?" He asked, motioning with his hand to Barry's guest.

"Oh. Indecent exposure, Powell Park."

Joe glanced down at the man and then quickly back up. "Yeah, that's not something you should be showing off." Barry shook his head in agreement, and in a fair amount of disgust.

"Guys," Eddie cut in, needing them to focus less on the pervert and more on the robbery and the high speed pursuit they were in the middle of, "they're getting away." He took another corner, tires squealing loudly on the pavement.

"They're _not_ getting away, Eddie." Barry said calmly, leaning forward to reach around the driver's seat and pat his shoulder in a teasingly condescending manner. Eddie chose to keep his snarky retort to himself, not wanting to divide his attention again and risk losing their perps.

"Let's get these bozos ahead of us, and then we'll worry about the idiots at the Shiny Diamond." Joe handed Barry his handcuffs. "Though we might run out of room..."

"I'll take care of that." Barry planted a kiss on Eddie's cheek before disappearing.

"What do you think he meant-" Looking around to realize Barry had absconded with Joe, leaving him with no one but the pervert, his voice trailed off. "by that." He got his answer soon enough though, when another streak of light preceded one of the thieves from the SUV being deposited in the back seat. The other vehicle's brake lights lit up as it slid to a halt and Eddie knew then where Joe had ended up. "Oh," He said to himself, a smirk appearing on his face as he brought the SUV to a halt, " _that's_ what he meant by that."

He and Joe entered the premises of the Shiny Diamond some five minutes later to find the burglars still inside smashing the place up, and Eddie had to give Barry serious props. If it hadn't been for him putting an end to the chase when he had, they might not have made in time to catch the crooks red-handed. Raising their guns, they called out, telling them to freeze. When burglars lifted their own weapons in response, Eddie's finger around the trigger, ready to shoot if they pushed him to it. A streak of light arced between them, and between one blink and the next, the burglars had been disarmed, Barry standing directly behind them.

"Missing these?" He taunted. They turned around to stare at him in shock and dismay at the turn of events.

Eddie let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and inched forward. "On the ground!" He boomed, bringing their eyes from Barry back to him. " _On the ground_!" He repeated when they didn't comply immediately. Left with no other options, they finally did as they were told and once they were on their knees, Eddie pulled out his handcuffs. Barry maneuvered between them to hand their guns off to Joe, while Eddie behind them to slap the cuffs on and read them their rights.

"Just out of curiosity," Barry started, grinning cheekily down at them, "have you guys like... _never_ heard of me?" There were days he wondered why anyone kept trying to pull these kinds of heists, knowing there was a good chance they'd never get away with it. Still, they kept him in business and without it, he'd be just another regular guy who happened to run _really_ fast.

Joe burst out laughing and traded a fist bump with Barry for the barb. Eddie huffed out a chuckle, lips quirking up in a half smile, enjoying the feeling of elation at working with Barry and Joe as a team. Sure, he had worked with the Flash before, but not like this, out in the field, hopping from one bust to the next with near seamless ease. It wasn't often he could say that he actually had fun while working, but that's exactly what it was, _fun_. And after Joe had come to him to bury the hatchet, when he'd gotten back together with Barry, they'd found the rhythm that used to be so natural when working a case and because they were now a well-oiled machine, it was shaping up to be a banner night.

Once he had the burglars securely cuffed, Eddie straightened up to survey his handiwork, thinking that if they kept this up, his arrest score would go through the roof. As if reading his mind, Barry folded his arms over his chest and assessed the scene before him, his grin shifting to something more mischievous. 

"Nice work, detective."

Warmth flooding through him, Eddie unhooked his radio from his belt to call the arrest in, and he found himself actually hoping for more mayhem. It was a foolish hope, no cop _wanting_ crime to happen, for innocent people to get hurt, but a part of him didn't want the fun they were all having to end, not just yet.

 

* * *

 

Gazing down at the body of Lindsay Kang, Barry's eyes flicking from one puncture wound to the next as Joe and Eddie stood on the other side of the gurney. Joe was talking but Barry wasn't really paying attention, too busy trying to figure out what could have caused such lethal wounds, without leaving a trace of evidence behind.

"-tell us everything we need to know." Joe said, flipping his notepad closed and tucking it back into his coat pocket.

He nodded his head distractedly. "Yeah... I'll, uh. Run some tests back at my lab." Feeling Joe's confused expression more than he saw it, Barry craned his head up to look at him. "What?"

"Isn't that something S.T.A.R. Labs could do a whole lot faster?"

"Well, yeah. But it's just..." Barry trailed off with a sigh.

"It's just what?" Joe asked and when Barry didn't answer right away, he could sense that there was something weighing down on him. He motioned for Barry and Eddie to walk away from the hustle and bustle of the active crime scene so they could have some privacy, and once they were a good distance away, Joe motioned for him to speak his mind.

Barry self-consciously tucked his hands into his pockets and shrugged a shoulder. "It's kinda weird for me, being there right now, and I hate having to pretend that I-"

"Hey," Joe interjected, "you know we have to play it cool with Wells." If Barry blew their cover, Wells would be in the wind before they had any real dirt on him and whatever it was that he was planning.

Eddie rubbed a hand over Barry's back soothingly, knowing that as much as he hated working for the man who'd destroyed his family, it was imperative for them to keep under the radar. "If he finds out we suspect him..."

"I know, and I get it." He said, appreciating the comfort, even if it did nothing to quell his doubts. "But it's not that. I just think... I would feel better if we could tell Cisco and Caitlin. They need to know what's going on. And they could help us figure out what Wells is up to."

After a moment's contemplation, Eddie seemed open to the idea, as they were in desperate need of allies, especially ones who were also in Wells' inner circle, but Joe shook his head emphatically. " _No_." He pointed a stern finger at Barry. He wasn't exactly thrilled that the other week, he'd told Iris about Wells, and now he wanted to go tell Caitlin and Cisco their boss was evil? "The more people who know, the more we run the risk of Wells finding out that we're on to him. He finds out and we'll lose what little advantage we have over him. I mean, what if one of them slips up? Or panics? Or what if..." Joe sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "What if they're not on our side, Barry?" Wells had been fooling them for over a year, and there was no guarantee that Cisco and Caitlin weren't capable of the same thing.

"No, absolutely not." Barry said firmly. "They're not involved in whatever it is that he's planning."

"Be that as it may, Wells _is_ their boss _and_ their mentor. They've been with him for a long time, and I've seen plenty of people make the wrong choice out of loyalty. So please, do _not_ include them until we can be sure about where their loyalties really lie."

He didn't want to admit it, but the notion of their involvement had been niggling at the back of his mind since learning about Wells' identity. Barry didn't want to even consider it, pushing his suspicions as far down as he could, dreading the implications of Cisco or Caitlin -or both- having known the whole time that their boss was a villain. The mere idea that his friends were just waiting for the opportune moment to reveal their true colors and betray him was a bitter pill to swallow.

"All right." Barry conceded after a moment, knowing that in this case, discretion was the better part of valor, though he didn't acknowledge that a part of his decision was because he wanted to keep on ignoring the thought that Joe was right about his friends. The pain of losing the person he'd trusted most was bad enough, losing Cisco and Caitlin was just too much to bear.

Eddie whipped his head around to stare at Barry in disbelief, hand dropping from his back. While the situation was very much different to what had led to their fight and subsequent breakup, he couldn't believe that Barry was choosing to once again keep someone in the dark about what was going on around them. Caitlin and Cisco were good people and there was no way, loyalty be damned, that they would side with a murderer. After all the three of them had been through together, even entertaining the _possibility_ that they were working against him was ridiculous.

Sure, Joe had been right about Wells, but given everything that he'd been wrong about -nixing Barry becoming the Flash in the first place, not telling Iris, not telling _him_ , not trusting the Arrow- his streak of bad advice was reaching epic proportions. Barry had had the right idea to let them in on the investigation, but he'd let himself be convinced by Joe _again_ to play it safe.

"I'll get the samples to Caitlin." Barry said, oblivious to how Eddie troubled thoughts had caused him to drift away. He made his way back over to the body, to gather up his evidence kit and head to S.T.A.R. Labs, against his better judgment. Joe followed behind him, leaving Eddie to glare at their backs.

If Barry had thought to come to him with his desire to tell Cisco and Caitlin, the way he'd told him and Iris, Eddie would have supported him in the decision without hesitation. He would have helped him plan a way to break it to them easily, to ensure they understood just how deep the rabbit hole went, and to ensure they managed to keep up the pretense when they went back to work like nothing had happened. But instead, Barry had spoken to Joe. And while he wasn't wrong in that loose lips sank ships, Caitlin and Cisco deserved more credit than Joe was giving them.

Finding a trashcan to angrily toss his coffee cup into, Eddie glanced over at Barry, who was snapping his evidence kit closed. The night before, after their wild jaunt through the city chasing criminals, Barry had teasingly threatened to leave him handcuffed to the headboard. Now, Eddie was wishing he had, if only because it would have kept him from witnessing Barry repeating the same mistakes over and over again. 

 

* * *

 

"You know, I left Starling City to get _away_ from the mood and brood, but it looks like it followed me here anyway." Felicity said, taking a sip of her coffee as she followed Barry over to a table. In the hours between breakfast and lunch, Jitters was all but empty, something she was grateful for, as it meant they didn't have to worry about finding a secluded spot to have their conversation. The sun was out and shining through the windows, and she wanted to bask in the rays, not hide in the corner like they were having a clandestine meeting. Though when she really thought about it, it was _exactly_ what they were having, in excluding the others from their coffee run so she could get to the bottom of whatever was making Barry act so strangely.

Still, it didn't mean she couldn't bask away. She spent way to many hours away from the sun, tucked away in the basement of Verdant and if she didn't do something about it, she'd start to look like a guppy. Translucent.

"I know, I'm sorry," Barry said, cutting off her train of thought and bringing her back to the present, "but like I said earlier, it's just not a good time." He propped his elbows up on the table and ran a hand through his hair nervously.

"Come on, Barry, I have been through enough with you to know when you're holding something back." She pursed her lips, attempting to deduce what it was, since he wasn't talking. "Is it... Look, I know I told Ray your secret and it wasn't my place, but he's trustworthy and he wants to help people, just like you do."

"No, it's not Ray that I'm worried about." Although it had been rather worrying seeing the two of them running off at the mouth. For the first time in a long time, he'd been on the outside when it came to someone making an ass of themselves, and the combined power of Felicity and Ray's verbal back-pedaling had made even _him,_ the king of graceless social interactions, wish he didn't know them. "I just don't want to put anyone else in danger."

"In danger of what?" Felicity asked, cocking an eyebrow at how much like Oliver Barry sounded. It was _never_ a good thing when people started talking like Oliver. Barry started to say something, but was cut off when Eddie suddenly appeared at their table, making them both jump. They'd been so wrapped up in their conversation that neither of them had noticed him walk in and head toward them.

"Barry, hey." He said a bit breathlessly.

"Oh, hey, Eddie. You remember Felicity." Barry said, waving toward her with a hand. Felicity waggled her fingers at him in hello.

"Of course, it's great seeing you again." He said as cheerfully as he could manage, before his smile began to waver and crumpled in on itself.

Felicity leaned in and glared at the both of them. "Okay, seriously, _what_ is going on? Is _everyone_ in Central City in a bad mood?"

Eddie gaped like a fish for a second, trying to think of something to say. "It's, uhm. It's not..." He glanced at Barry, giving him a look and motioning with his head that he needed to talk about _work_.

"No, it's cool," Barry said, once it dawned on him what Eddie was trying to say, "Felicity knows about me."

Eddie rounded on Barry, eyes narrowing dangerously at Barry's casual admittance that Felicity was already clued in on his identity. " _Wow_. So _everyone_ but me and Iris." He snapped angrily, doing his best to keep his voice down. When Barry peered up at him with a wide-eyed wounded expression on his face, Eddie gripped the edge of the table and quickly ducked his head to take in a deep breath. Felicity's eyes darted back and forth between them, wondering just what the hell she was missing out on.

"I'm sorry," Eddie said, after he'd taken a moment to compose himself, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm not upset, I was just... surprised, is all. "

"Okay, time out." Felicity cut in. "Do I get some back story on whatever..." She pointed a finger at them, " _that_ was? Or do I just sit here awkwardly and pretend I can't hear you two need of some couples counseling?"

"We don't..." Groaning, Eddie cursed himself for losing control of his temper. "I found out that Barry was lying to me and Iris about..." He swiveled his head around to make sure no one was listening in, "being the Flash."

"To _protect_ the two of you." Barry added in his defense.

Felicity nodded solemnly, understanding more than most about people keeping secrets to protect the ones they loved, though it occasionally ended with disastrous results, if Captain Lance's reaction to finding out about Sara was anything to go by. "Well, speaking from experience, you should think of it more that he was protecting you with... a _fib_." She made a face when she spoke the word, as out loud, it didn't sound much better than lying.

"So you're just _fibbing_ when you tell people Oliver Queen isn't the Arrow?" Eddie asked wryly, giving her a pointed look.

Eyes widening comically, she gaped up at him. " _Who_ told you that?"

Barry masked a chuckle at her reacting the same way he had when Iris had confronted him about the Arrow by taking a sip of his coffee, earning him a heated glare from Felicity. He shrugged by way of apology and she thankfully turned back to Eddie.

"No one." Eddie replied honestly. "Iris was the one who put two and two together. I just happened to be in the room when she did. And it occurred to me just now that if you know about Barry, of course you know who the Arrow is."

"Clever girl..." Felicity mused, impressed that Iris had figured it out, when people who actually _knew_ Oliver had never been capable of doing the math. " _And_ clever guy. You both deserve a gold star." She grinned at her own joke, but when both of them just stared at her blankly, the grin gradually fell from her face. "So, uh... what happened after you found out?"

Barry shook his head, not wanting the conversation to go down _that_ particular route. "That's a long story, Felicity." He said, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "No sense going into it now."

"We had a knockdown, drag-out fight about it." Eddie told her flatly.

"Okay, it's a _short_ story." Barry said with a roll of his eyes.

Felicity laughed, but her hand flew to her mouth to cover her laughter when neither of them looked as amused as she was. She was on a serious roll with the inappropriate humor and she gave herself a mental shake. If they were going to air out their dirty laundry, she needed to act more mature, lest they leave her hanging without telling her the rest of the story. "Sorry, go on."

"We, uh..." Eddie cleared his throat. "We had a fight and it didn't end well. I was hurt by the _fibbing_." He made air quotes with his fingers.

"Which I did to  _protect_ him." Barry repeated vehemently. "Or at least, that's what I _thought_ I was doing. But there was a lot more to it than just that and after what happened with Bivolo, everything that had been building up all came out and it was a horrible mess..."

"And because of it, we broke up."

Felicity's lips turning down in a pout at the news. She had thought they'd made an adorable couple and living proof that opposites did attract, and sadness began to well up inside of her for the both of them, hearing that their relationship hadn't survived the fallout of Barry's revelation.

Seeing the expression on her face, Eddie quickly reassured her that things were fine. "But despite all that, we realized that we hadn't stopped caring about each other, so we managed to work things out." He put his hand over Barry's. "Obviously."

"Obviously." He mumbled, still stinging from the anger that had been in Eddie's voice, brief though it had been. Even if it hadn't been intentional, it hadn't stopped him from being hurt by it, and being reminded of his mistakes didn't feel too good either. They may have had a clean slate but they still had to relive what had happened when recounting the tale to people who hadn't known about it, like Felicity, and it seemed like they'd never truly be free of the painful memories.

"And taking what we went through into consideration," Eddie turned from Felicity to Barry, "as well as the conversation I just had with Iris at the station, neither she nor I think you should be doing to Caitlin and Cisco what you did to us. After everything you three have been through, you owe them an explanation. They deserve to know."

Felicity blinked. "Uhm, I'm pretty sure they _already_ know about Barry. Kinda the basis of the whole... Team Flash thing."

"This is about something different." Eddie said, not taking his eyes off Barry. "Forget what Joe told you. If you _don't_ tell them what's going on and they find out you've been holding back with them the way _I_ found out, who do you think they'll side with? The friend who they've bent over backwards for, who in return didn't trust them enough to let them know what he was doing behind their backs, or the man who-?"

Eddie stopped short when Barry jumped in his seat. He then sheepishly pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up the message. "Another bee attack." He said, looking from Felicity to Eddie. "Folston Tech."

Eddie reached into his jacket to grab his phone, and putting it to his ear, he stepped away from the table, moving toward the door. "I'll find out where Joe is and meet you there."

Barry pushed his chair back and stood up to follow him. Felicity shouldered her purse, thinking to run to S.T.A.R. Labs to join Caitlin, Cisco and Wells in the cortex. "Be- _eeee_ careful," She said, wincing at her unfortunate choice of words.

"For real?" Barry asked, looking back at her like she was mental.

"Sorry, I know, bad pun." She said, covering up her embarrassment by reaching for her coffee, taking one last sip to give herself a caffeine boost, and to hide her burning cheeks. "Just don't die."

 

*~*~*

 

Eddie raced into the Folston Tech parking lot, tearing over the speed bumps so fast, Joe was worried they'd blow out the suspension system. He was relieved when they pulled up to the building, thinking if he could survive Eddie's reckless driving, he could survive taking on a raging swarm of killer bees. Climbing out of the car, they quickly looked around, wondering where Barry was.

They got their answer seconds later, when Barry sped out of a side door a dozen or so yards ahead of them, shouting as he tried to shake off the swarm of bees. He collapsed onto the pavement and once he was down, the bees flew off. Shouting his name, Joe and Eddie ran full tilt toward him, dropping to their knees beside him in a blind panic. Eddie rolled Barry over, fingers flying to his neck to check for a pulse. Fear flooding through him, Eddie looked to Joe and shook his head. Joe fished out his phone while Eddie started chest compressions, and he speed dialed Cisco. Tapping the speaker button, he placed the phone on the ground and watched Eddie work as it rang.

"Joe?"

"Cisco! Barry doesn't have a pulse!"

"I know!" Came Cisco's distressed voice, able to see the readout from the suit on his screen. "You need to step away from him!"

"What? _Why_?"

"There's a defibrillator in the suit and we're gonna jump start his heart!"

Leaning away from Barry's prone form, Eddie and Joe stared down at him, both of them horrified at how pale and still he looked. Caitlin's eerily calm voice came over the line. "Charge it to three hundred joules." Barry's body twitched as he was jolted, but nothing else happened. "Charge it to three hundred and fifty joules." She ordered to whoever was operating the defibrillator, when Barry continued to flat line. Again, nothing happened and Eddie and Joe traded frightened glances. They were miles away from the nearest hospital and even Barry's advanced healing wouldn't help if he suffered prolonged oxygen deprivation to the brain, or worse. He couldn't heal when he was dead.

Eddie had to fight to keep it together. He was a professional, he'd witnessed such things on a day to day basis and the only way to help Barry was to remain detached from it all. Even as he watched the man he loved dying right in front of him, he couldn't allow himself fall apart. There was no other choice, as one misstep could end up costing Barry his life.

"Hit it again, four hundred joules!" The cool, clipped tones of Caitlin's voice were gone, sending another thread of fear down Eddie's spine, threatening to shatter his resolve.

Barry's eyes suddenly popped open and he sucked in a deep, rasping breath. His body was radiating with blistering hot pain from all the stings, his chest feeling like it was on fire and barely able to breathe, he sat up, coughing harshly. Feeling an arm wrap around his shoulders, Barry leaned into the hold, panting heavily to get as much oxygen as he could back into his system.

Clutching Barry to him, Eddie turned to Joe, who had a death grip on Barry's arm. "We need to get him to S.T.A.R. Labs." Just because he was conscious didn't mean Eddie wanted him running around and Caitlin needed to check him out, to make sure the toxin was out of his system.

" _I'm_ driving this time." Joe said brusquely. Neither of them were really in the right frame of mind for driving safely, but after already being subjected to Eddie's reckless driving to get to Barry, Joe knew he'd probably end up in an accident while trying to get him to S.T.A.R. Labs. Loathe to let Barry go but aware that they needed to leave right away, he gave his arm a squeeze and then got to his feet. "Get him in the car."

Not needing to be told twice, Eddie hooked an arm under Barry's knees and lifted him up into the air. Making sure Barry was secure against his chest, he hurried back toward the car. Joe raced ahead of him to open the back door, so Eddie could lay Barry out on the back seat. Once he had Barry situated, Eddie clambered into the back with him, not daring to leave him alone, in case something else happened. Joe slammed the door shut once he was in and ran around to the driver's side. Engine still running, he kicked the gearshift into drive and sped out of the parking lot.

Eddie rearranged Barry so that he was lying against his side, head lolling gently on his shoulder. Carefully tugging his mask off, Eddie ran a hand through his dark hair, feeling the swollen puncture marks dotted along his scalp. The bees had managed to sting him straight through the leather of his suit and it was likely that his entire body was riddled with them. It explained how they'd delivered enough of the toxin to overcome even a meta of Barry's caliber, though how an ordinary bee could have such a strong stinger was beyond him. He would just have to wait to get that answer, once Barry had been tended to. "How you feeling?" Eddie asked, fingers skating tenderly down his cheeks.

Barry tilted his head and looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, the hazel-flecked blue irises seeming unnaturally bright against the stark paleness of his skin. "Like I jammed a penny into an electrical outlet." He wheezed quietly. He felt simultaneously lethargic and wired, the charge to his heart leaving him ready to run the circumference of the earth, while the anaphylaxis made him want to fall asleep for days.

Letting out a weak, nearly hysterical chuckle, Eddie tightened his hold on him and planted a kiss on his temple. "Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again." He whispered, the nightmare inducing image of Barry's lifeless body forever burned into his retinas.

"I'll try not to." Barry replied sardonically, lips ticking up in a ghost of a smile. Closing his eyes, he tucked his head into the crook of Eddie's neck. After a moment or two of silence, broken only by the occasional blaring horn as Joe wended his way through traffic, Eddie cleared his throat before leaning back to peer down at him.

"What happened back there, Barry?"

Joe flicked his eyes up to the rear-view mirror when he heard the question. Eddie was peering down at Barry, who was wearing an expression of such confusion on his face that it made Joe's heart clench painfully in his chest. Seeing your kid almost die was a horrendous thing, but to see your kid look _so_ lost, to hear his meek answer as to how he'd almost died, it was just as awful.

"... I don't know."

 

*~*~*

 

"I believe I was very specific when I told you _not_ to die." Felicity frowned, glaring daggers at Barry. It was a good thing he was hurt, otherwise she would have cracked him upside the head for disobeying a direct order.

"Yeah, that's kind of a big thing for her." Ray added, well aware of just how adamant she could be when it came to her friends flinging themselves into danger without a second thought for their own safety. Everyone back in Starling had a standing no death order from her -leading him to honestly believe Oliver had survived Nanda Parbat simply because he'd been afraid Felicity would find a way to stalk him through the afterlife- and he had the inkling that she was now going to do her damndest to make sure it extended into Central City as well.

"Kind of a big thing for _all_ of us." Eddie said, pointedly looking around the room before his gaze fell back on Barry. The bee stings that had marred his face and body were gone, and he was as lucid as ever, but the fact of the matter was that he had still nearly died. Hell, technically, he _had_ died, even if it had only been for however long it had taken Caitlin to restart his heart. Someone had to be held accountable for what had happened, and it certainly wasn't Barry.

Barry turned to Cisco, who had been the one to lead him to a dead end. "What happened out there? I followed your directions exactly."

"I'm sorry I led you the wrong way," Cisco replied quietly, ducking his head, "but the schematics we had weren't up to date." He was running an overhaul of the system as they spoke, to correct his mistake and make sure the plans they had of the city where current with the ones on file at the planning office.

He furrowed his brow in disbelief. "Weren't up to date? What do you mean? That's never happened before." They were supposed to be running one of the most sophisticated facilities in the world, with cutting edge technology and software. Felicity had even taken it upon herself to upgrade their systems the last time she'd visited, to ensure that they weren't lagging behind on anything, a lag that could potentially cost lives, so how had Cisco blundered so badly?

Not liking the tone in Barry's voice, Felicity put a hand on his shoulder. "What, do you think Cisco was _trying_ to get you killed?"

"No!" Barry said, a little too quickly and attempted to course correct. "Why would he do that? That doesn't make any sense."

"I know. That's why I was _joking_."

Wells rolled his wheelchair closer to the examination bed and Barry peered down at him warily. "It's our job to protect you, Barry, and today we failed. But hopefully, it will serve as a warning for all of us to be more vigilant in the future."

Barry wanted to make a snide remark, but the click of Caitlin's heels as she came out from her lab into the cortex distracted him.

"Good news," She said, smiling at Barry, "the apitoxin is out of your body." Felicity held out a hand for her tablet and Caitlin passed it to her, so she could double check the results. "Your levels are back to normal."

"Terrific." Barry hopped off the bed and brushed past Caitlin. "I'm going home."

"Good idea." She said, glad for once that she didn't have to work to convince Barry to take it easy. "Get some rest and we'll... hold things down here."

Nodding his head, Barry wordlessly bundled up his street clothes, careful not to look at anyone directly. Taking the hint, Joe and Eddie gathered up their things before following him out of the cortex, the procession leaving a tense atmosphere in their wake.

Coming up from behind Cisco, Caitlin traded looks with him over Barry's reticent behavior. "That was weird."

"Yeah..." Cisco replied, the guilt of his massive oversight viciously eating away at him as he watched his friends all but storm.

 

* * *

 

The ride back to Eddie's apartment was a quiet one, Barry staring out the window in contemplative silence, leaving Joe and Eddie to wonder what was going on inside his head. It hadn't been his first brush with death but it had been the closest, and both of them knew that looking down that particular barrel came with a high price. They had seen more than their fair share of good cops pay that price, until they had nothing left to give, and neither of them wanted the same thing to happen to Barry.

Halfway home, Barry quietly requested they stop for food and Joe took them through the Big Belly Burger drive-thru. Eddie watched him demolish three burgers and a large order of fries like he hadn't eaten in weeks, but said nothing about it, figuring that whatever was weighing on him would come out in due time.

When they pulled up to the curb outside of the apartment building, Joe climbed out of the car, walking around the front end to give Barry a fierce hug. He squeezed him a bit harder than usual and held on a bit longer than usual, the terror of having to bury one of his children fresher than ever in his mind.

Releasing his hold on Barry once he started to squirm, Joe clapped a hand to his cheek. "Get some sleep. I'll put in some footwork on the last victim, see if he'll lead us to our meta."

"Okay. Thanks, Joe." He said appreciatively, forcing his mouth into a reasonable facsimile of a smile.

"Don't mention it." Joe gave Barry's shoulder pat, and then stepped aside so he and Eddie could pass. Eddie glanced back at him, to thank him for agreeing to cover the rest of his shift so he could take care of Barry, but the words died on his lips when he saw Joe's face. He pointed a stern finger at him, then jabbed it in Barry's direction, silently telling him that he needed to talk to Barry as soon as he could, to help him get his head back on straight. Getting the message loud and clear, Eddie gave him a thumbs up.

Once they were in the apartment, Barry didn't even make it as far as the bedroom, legs carrying him to the couch, where he immediately flopped down onto it. Reaching around for one of the throw pillows, Barry hugged it to his chest and all but curled up on himself. Mouth opening in a yawn, he closed his eyes and settled in for a nap.

"Barry..."

"Hmm?"

"You're gonna end up with a crick in your neck if you fall asleep there. Go lie down in bed."

"Ngh, too far. This is fine."

Sighing, Eddie walked over to the couch and knelt down in front of it. He brushed his fingertips through Barry's hair, earning him a soft murmur of contentment. "You're sure? I could lie down with you, if you wanted some company."

"No, it's okay." He said, already beginning to drift off, his mind begging for a respite from reality. "Just gonna sleep for a little while..."

He traced a thumb over the shell of Barry's ear tenderly, weighing the merits of just picking him up and carrying him into the bedroom. It was clear that he was in desperate need of some down time and jostling him around after he'd gotten comfortable wouldn't help, so Eddie didn't press the issue of where he'd decided to crash. "Well, if you change your mind, let me know."

"Okay."

Leaning forward, he planted a gentle kiss on Barry's forehead. "Love you." He breathed, caressing his cheek before getting to his feet. Eddie gazed down at him for a moment, amazed at how someone so tall and lanky could look so small and vulnerable. Eddie couldn't help but think back to the last time he'd seen Barry in such a fragile state, when he'd been lying comatose, his body seemingly swallowed up by the bed and blankets, covered in an endless series of wires and tubes, a victim of something else beyond his control.

He had to forcibly stop that train of thought in its tracks. He couldn't allow himself to get caught up in the what-ifs. Barry was alive and at the end of the day, that was what he needed to focus on. That and helping Barry get past whatever it was that he was going through once he woke up. He couldn't let whatever it was start to fester, not like the last time. He knew it had to involve Cisco and their current situation with Wells, but until Barry found a place where he could openly discuss it, all he could do was wait. Wait and hope that they could resolve the issue, before it was too late and it blew up in all their faces.

A few hours later, Eddie put a hand on Barry's shoulder to shake him gently. "Barry." When he didn't wake up, Eddie tried again. "C'mon, babe, wake up." He cajoled, giving him another shake and Barry stirred briefly, but stubbornly stayed asleep. " _Barry_." Eddie then resorted to his usual method of waking him up, taking away the pillow he was holding in his arms and bopping him over the head with it.

With a groan, Barry finally cracked open an eye, which he used to glare up at Eddie petulantly. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"Well, I would have woken you up the way you actually _like_ , but since you refused to sleep on a real bed..."

Pushing himself up, Barry raised his arms over his head, stretching to work out the kinks in his back. Yawning, he glanced around and noticed that sunlight was no longer pouring in through the windows. "What time is it?"

"Almost eight-thirty."

"Huh." He'd been exhausted, but he hadn't planned on sleeping for so long. It must have been a pretty slow night, if no one had called him about running out to chase down more burglars, or even their meta. "What's going on?"

"Felicity called. She invited us out to dinner with her and Ray, if you were feeling better."

"What, like a double date?" It seemed a little apropos of nothing, but Barry's stomach rumbled and it was as if he'd eaten the burgers and fries a lifetime ago. "Yeah, I could eat."

"I know you can eat, you're _always_ eating, the question is if you're feeling all right. You did almost _die_. We'd all understand if you just felt like ordering in tonight."

He shrugged nonchalantly and stood up. "I feel fine. And hungry." He'd have to stop by his place for some nicer clothes to wear, the clothes he kept at Eddie's more for work than dinner dates, but that was a quick fix. He blasted out the front door and was back in a clean suit and tie without even breaking a sweat. "Let's go."

"Whoa, slow down. Lemme call her back and let her know we're coming first, then let me get ready before we go."

"Oh, right. Duh." Barry sat back down on the couch and began drumming his fingers on the cushion.

Shaking his head ruefully, Eddie padded into the kitchen to grab his phone, and dialed Felicity's number as he made his way back to the bedroom.

Barry listened in on the call, Eddie's voice floating down the hallway as they hammered out the details. He closed his eyes to the sound, letting it soothe his frayed nerves and racing thoughts. He couldn't keep from wondering if what had happened earlier was the result of an honest human error, or if Cisco truly was in cahoots with Wells.

It was a downward spiral from there, the question only leading to more questions and uncertainties. He hated having to suspect the worst of his friends, of the people he trusted most, and he hated the idea of yet again having to hide a bombshell. Eddie had been right that he needed to tell them, but after the incident at Folston Tech, a seed of doubt had been planted in his mind. If they _were_ working with Wells, telling them would backfire on him, as they'd only turn around and inform Wells his cover had been blown.

But if Cisco and Caitlin really were as oblivious as he had been to Wells' motivations, how would they react to the knowledge that he hadn't trust them to do the right thing? It would be a repeat of his fight with Eddie all over again, and that was something he wanted to avoid at all costs.

His ears picked up a lull in the conversation and when he focused on it, he realized it wasn't a lull at all. Eddie was whispering into the phone, pausing at times to hear a response, before the whispering started up again.

Getting up, Barry snuck down the hallway, the carpeting muting his footsteps. Peeking around the corner, he saw Eddie standing in front of the closet. He was tucking his button down into his slacks, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder.

"I'm not an idiot, you know... _of course_ I've tried..." He hissed, zipping up his slacks and buckling his belt. "Yeah, well _you_ try doing it and see how far you get... if it comes down to it, we just might have to."

Eddie pulled a suit jacket off a hanger and slung an arm through the sleeve. He had to grab the phone to switch ears and when he spun around to put his arm through the other sleeve, he spotted Barry standing outside the door. "I gotta go. Yeah, we'll see you there. Bye." Taking the phone from his ear, he tapped at the screen and tossed the phone on the bed. "Sorry, I'll be out in a minute."

Barry came around the corner and entered the room. "What are we going to have to do?"

"Nothing." Eddie replied unconvincingly and disappeared into the bathroom to run a comb through his hair.

"You talking about me behind my back isn't _nothing_." He called out, following after Eddie and came to a stop just outside the bathroom. "You're the one who said no more secrets, Eddie. So no more secrets." He was extremely interested in who he'd been talking to, and why it was so important that he not know about it.

Eddie set the comb down on the sink and turned to look at Barry, eyebrows raised expectantly. "All right, you first. Tell Caitlin and Cisco about Wells."

A dark scowl marred his face, and without a word, Barry spun around to walk back out into the living room. Eddie lifted his eyes upward, praying for strength before he chased after him, snagging his phone off the bed as he went. "You _know_ that I'm right and running away _won't_ change that."

Barry rubbed at the nape of his neck in agitation but said nothing. He didn't want to be having this conversation, not when they were supposed to be heading out to make nice with Felicity and Ray. There was no reason they couldn't wait until after dinner to hash it out and Barry felt his heart sink when he realized he was doing it _again_ , putting off a discussion until it was more convenient. It didn't seem possible but he actually felt worse, watching history repeat itself right in front of his eyes.

"Seriously? The silent treatment?" Eddie asked when Barry didn't respond. "Joe would be so proud."

"No, I'm not..." Barry groaned in frustration. "Can we _not_ do this now?" He clapped his hands together in a pleading gesture. "I would just like to eat and have a nice night with my friend and her very tall new boyfriend, before they leave town. And then we can fight about this afterward." Eyes widening, he backpedaled quickly. " _Talk_. We can _talk_ about this afterward. Calmly, like the adults that we clearly are."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "Nice save." He moved around Barry to grab his car keys off the table by the front door. Clutching them in his hand, he pointed at Barry. "Okay, we do it your way. We hit pause on this conversation for now, so we can go out to dinner. But we _will_ restart it, as soon as we get back."

"Agreed." He said, immensely glad for the temporary stay of execution. If they went out after a very heated _not_ -fight, it would only spoil the mood and ruin the night for everyone.

"Fine." Eddie opened up the front door. "Now come here."

Confused, Barry moved slowly toward the door. Eddie shook his head in exasperation, but pulled Barry into a one-armed hug nonetheless. "I love you." He said softly, "And I'm not mad, Bar... Just incredibly concerned." It wasn't wrong for Barry to want to play it safe, especially in this instance, but it wasn't healthy when it came at the expense of his own sanity and the trust of the people around him.

Barry sighed in relief and hugged him back, asking himself for the umpteenth time how he'd gotten so lucky to find someone like Eddie, someone who was determined to keep him on course, for better or for worse. He knew he owed it to Eddie to face his problems head on, and he resolved himself to stop putting the issue off. Once they returned home, they'd sit down and hash everything out, and find a solution to their predicament.

After a few moments, they parted with a brief kiss and Barry rubbed a gentle hand over his arm consolingly. "I know you are. And I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now, but with..."

"It's okay. Later." Eddie motioned out into the hallway. "We should get going."

"Oh yeah, right." As it stood, they were already going to be late, but no one would be shocked by it, especially not Felicity, who was painfully aware of Barry's epic tardiness. stepped out of the apartment and Eddie followed suit, turning once the door was shut to lock the deadbolt. When he turned back, he discovered that Barry had crowded into his personal space, skull hitting the door with a soft _thud_ as Barry leaned in to kiss him again. It was more of a peck than anything else, their lips barely catching before he pulled away, but the muted intimacy of it left Eddie quite stunned.

"I love you, too." Barry said in answer to the unasked question, a shy smile on his face. He offered his hand out to Eddie, who took it without hesitation and together they walked down the hallway, not quite fixed, but definitely not broken.

 

* * *

 

Eddie slid his keys into his pocket and let out a wolf-whistle as he walked around the front of the car. "Wow, Iris... you clean up nicely." Not that she didn't always look amazing, but she had really pulled out all the stops in getting dressed up for their dinner date. He puffed out his chest a bit, looking forward to having two gorgeous people on his arm when he entered the restaurant.

Shutting the passenger side door behind him, Barry stared at Iris as she checked her reflection in the mirror of her compact case. "What are you doing here?"

"Didn't Eddie tell you? Felicity called me and asked if I wanted to join you guys for dinner." She turned and smiled brightly at him. "And here I am. Iris West, fifth wheel."

" _That's_ who you were talking to?" He asked, not believing Eddie had resorted to such dramatics over a secretive phone call to Iris. By now, he was used to them talking about him, usually right in front of him, as though he weren't even in the room, which had led to a few awkward -if not outright hilarious- moments of righteous indignation on his part, when he realized they were trading stories about him. There were days when he was overjoyed at the good fortune that his boyfriend and his best friend got along so well, becoming close friends themselves, but today definitely wasn't one of those days. "You could have just _told_ me that..."

Eddie started to say something, but caught himself before the words came out. Balling his hand up into a fist, he gave it a shake as he pursed his lips together, fighting to keep it inside. They had hit the pause button, so he couldn't say that if Barry hadn't insisted on keeping things so bottled up, his friends wouldn't have to resort to such measures of thinking up of ways to pry it out of him, so instead, he forced a tight smile. "Yes. Yes, you're right, I could have."

Sensing an undercurrent of tension between them, Iris narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You guys aren't fighting, are you?"

"No." They said at the same time, before glancing away guiltily.

She tossed her compact back into the purse and glared at them, mouth turning down in a angry frown. "What did I _just_ tell you about this?" It hadn't even been a full two weeks since they'd gotten back together and they were already back at it. "Do I need to bang your heads together again? Because you know I will."

Holding up a hand to stop her before she made good on her threat, Eddie shook his head. "That's not necessary, Iris. We're not fighting, we're just... waiting until _after_ dinner to have that discussion you and I were talking about."

"And I promised him that we would, as soon as we got home." Barry added, to keep Iris at bay. He wasn't really looking forward to a repeat performance of her knocking them around.

"Well, then... let's go ahead and get this over with." She'd been afraid that if Eddie didn't get Barry to talk before dinner, that it would all come out at some point while they were eating, making things uncomfortable for everyone. By the looks of it, there was a chance it could still happen. "The faster we get through the evening, the faster you two can go and figure out what you're going to do about Cisco and Caitlin. Knowing you two, another round of make-up sex will probably factor in there somewhere as well..."

Eddie snorted at her bluntness and even Barry couldn't entirely suppress a grin. "You're just jealous that I have a boyfriend to _have_ make-up sex with." 

"Uh-huh." Iris replied impassively, and then held out her elbow to Eddie. Once he realized what it was that she wanted, he slipped his arm through hers in a light hold. Sticking her tongue out at Barry, she pressed herself to Eddie's side, giving him a playful hip check. "Such a gentleman."

"Well, I had to do my fair share of hobnobbing when I was younger, when my father was campaigning, and escorting beautiful young women around social events was one of my duties." His father's intentions had been for him to meet a suitable woman from the right upbringing so he could marry her, and while that particular endeavor hadn't gotten either of them anywhere, he hadn't forgotten the motions.

Iris leered at Barry after the compliment, and deciding that he didn't want to be in the middle of a sibling rivalry, Eddie reached out to take Barry's hand in his own. "But that doesn't mean I can't also escort a dashing young man."

Lacing their fingers together, Barry grinned slyly at Eddie. "Has anyone ever told you that you can be incredibly cheesy when you set your mind to it?"

"You say cheesy, I say romantic." He put his nose in the air haughtily and gave them both a gentle tug, walking them around the building to the front door.

Heels clicking on the sidewalk, Iris glanced around as the sound was echoed back. "Is it just me or does this place seem a little... quiet?" It was one of the most popular restaurants in the city, so busy that reservations had to be made months in advance. It hadn't occurred to her when she'd pulled her car in to the parking lot that it was mostly empty, and what few cars there were had been parked near the back.

"Huh." Now that she had mentioned it, Eddie was now noticing that the place seemed essentially dead. The lights were still on inside and as they approached the entrance, he could see Felicity and Ray through the glass panel of the exterior doors, seated at the bar with drinks in their hands, but aside from the bartender, no one else was in sight. "Is there something else going on tonight?"

"Not that I know of." If there had been, Picture News would have been covering it, which meant she would have at least heard about it. After the hostage situation at the mayor's fundraising event though, the socialites might have still been a bit wary about going out, deciding to stay in instead and jealously guard their valuables.

"Strange." Barry reached for one the handles of the double doors and it opened, Iris going for the other so the three of them could walk in unhindered. There was soft classical music being piped in through the speakers but there was no ambient noise underneath it, no hum of conversation from other diners, no silverware clinking together, nothing. The only thing that kept Barry's internal warning system from going off was Felicity waving cheerfully at them before hopping off her seat.

"There you are! We were wondering how long you were going to make us wait." She said and then paused when she saw Iris. "Wow, Iris, check you out."

"Two wows in less than ten minutes," Iris mused, unwinding her arm from Eddie's, "I should wear this dress more often." Felicity nodded in agreement and they greeted each other with a hug. "It's great seeing you again."

"You, too." When they pulled away, Iris held Felicity at arm's length to peer at her dress. "And you look amazing yourself."

The two of them began talking about designers and store sales, and Barry couldn't help but look them both up and down appreciatively. The pristine white of Iris' dress set beautifully set off her dark skin and hair, and Felicity's bright red bare shoulder dress, paired with her matching lipstick and high-heels, was stunning as well. Eddie nudged him sharply in the ribs and gave him a look that said _really?_ Barry simply shrugged and flashed him an apologetic grin, making Eddie roll his eyes.

Watching two separate conversations going on right in front of him, Ray stood up and cleared his throat to get their attention. He smiled in bemusement when everyone turned to look at him. "Hi."

"Oh, God, where are my manners?" Felicity sidestepped Iris and put a hand on Ray's shoulder. "Iris, this is Ray Palmer. Ray, Iris West."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Ray said sincerely, having heard a lot about her from Felicity, and he held out his hand.

"And you." Iris replied as she shook his hand, once more in awe at the quality of men Felicity was friends with. First Oliver, now Ray. She started to seriously consider packing things up and moving to Starling City, where rich, handsome men seemed to apparently grow on trees. "Thank you for the invitation tonight." She said, trying not to sound smitten. Felicity unsuccessfully trying to stifle a snort knocked Iris back into her good senses.

"Monsieur Palmer." The maitre d' appeared at the bar -much to Iris' relief- and Barry couldn't tell if the French accent was fake or not. "Your table is ready."

"Excellent. Shall we?" Ray asked, beaming widely as he turned to look at everyone. They all nodded, and Felicity grabbed her coat and purse off the bar stool before linking her arm with Ray's.

As one, they followed the maitre d' and when they entered the dining area, they got the answer to why the place had seemed dead. There was no one else in the restaurant except for them and the waitstaff. Barry, Iris and Eddie all gaped at the sight, and then turned their dumbfounded expressions on Ray.

"I thought it'd be nice if it was quiet, so I bought out the entire restaurant." Seeing the looks on everyone's faces, Ray's smile fell. "Too much?"

"Just a tad, sweetie." Felicity murmured, patting Ray's arm gently. She was happy Ray wanted to make such a good impression with her friends, but if he'd wanted a quiet evening, they could have just invited them all back to their hotel to pig out on room service. It would have been a lot cheaper and much less awkward.

Once they had been seated and their drink orders had been taken, Eddie was the first to break the silence. "So," He started, looking to Felicity and Ray, "How did you two meet?" It seemed a safe topic to begin with, something that would get the conversation rolling again.

 Felicity smiled gratefully at Eddie from across the table. "We met at work."

"Well, I had bought Queen Consolidated, where Felicity was working, so she was forced to join me when it became Palmer Tech."

"It's _not_ as creepy as he makes it sound." Felicity added quickly.

"No, no, not at all!" Ray said with a self-deprecating laugh when he realized how he'd worded it. "I swear, I'm not _that_ kind of boss!"

Felicity put a hand over Ray's to get him to stop while he was still ahead. Getting the hint, Ray exhaled and looked back to Eddie. "What about you, how did you and Barry meet?"

"Uh, work as well. I helped stop his purse snatcher."

"It wasn't _my_ purse." Barry interjected, looking scandalized. "It was Iris', _I_ was just the one chasing the guy down." When he saw them all staring at him like he'd lost his mind, he shrunk down in his seat. "Not that there's anything _wrong_ with a guy carrying a purse..."

Tamping down on the urge to laugh, Ray covered by reaching for his glass of ice water and taking a sip. "Now was this before or after the accident?" He knew Barry and Eddie worked closely together, both in their day jobs and in their moonlighting activities, but he had to hope that the fastest man alive didn't need help chasing down a purse snatcher.

"Before." Eddie replied, glancing over at Barry with a fond smile on his face as he remembered the day both their lives had changed. "Actually, it was _right_ before." One glimpse of Barry through a chain-link fence and his fate had been sealed. Fortunately for him, Barry had felt the same way and had freely given him his heart.

Seeing Barry blush and the two of them start giving each other bedroom eyes -and honestly, only men could put a fight on hold for food and then perv over each other in the meantime- Iris picked up the thread of the story for them. "It sounds corny as hell, but it was love at first sight. After the accident, Eddie even came by to visit Barry while he was in a coma." She leaned over to pinch Barry's cheek teasingly. "He was like a fairy tale princess, with his very own Prince Charming just waiting for him to wake up."

The whole table burst into laughter and Barry batted her hand away, which only made them laugh more. Blushing for a whole new reason, he was glad when the waiters reappeared, the sight of the trays in their hands breaking up the merriment. "Oh, thank God, it's the food." When the waiters set the dishes before them however, he wasn't sure he could truthfully classify it as food. Huge bowls set out for a single mouthful of egg and bread, and Barry felt like he'd been robbed of an honest meal.

"Our first course on the tasting menu," The maitre d' began, the words _first course_ renewing Barry's hope of more -and potentially _real_ \- food, "is the quail egg frittata. Bon appetit."

They all unrolled their napkins and settled them across their laps as the waiters went around pouring whatever wine was accompanying the dish. When they disappeared again, Ray cut off a piece of his frittata. "Well," He said, popping the bite into his mouth, "as awful as the accident was, I've got to admit, I _am_ a little envious of you getting to spend so much time at S.T.A.R. Labs. Harrison Wells is, like, a personal hero of mine, and it's amazing just to be in the same room with him. And _Cisco_ , he has been..."

As Ray spoke, it was like someone had turned down the volume on Barry's hearing, until all he could hear was a high-pitched ringing over the dull sound of Ray talking. Thinking he was going to vomit if he kept listening to Ray ignorantly extol the virtues of Wells' scientific accomplishments, he tugged his napkin off his lap and tossed it over his bowl. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

He got up and hurried out of the dining room, not caring if he was being rude. He found a door that he thought would lead him to bathrooms, but it turned out to be where the restaurant kept their wine stored away. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the strands as he tried to get his brain under control. Joe had told him he needed to play it cool, and what he'd just done was the very definition of _not_ cool. He'd just have to think of a reasonable excuse for leaving them all, once he'd calmed down enough to go back.

They all traded surprised looks at the abrupt exit, and Felicity caught Eddie's gaze, cocking her head to the side. Eddie nodded and pushed his chair back to stand up. "We should, uh, go after him. Just give us a few minutes."

Watching them go off to search for Barry, Iris turned a smile on Ray after they'd been left to their own devices. She plucked her wine glass off the table. "So... I hear you have a super suit."

They eventually found where Barry had run off to, and Eddie held open the door for Felicity. She stormed into the room, heels clacking loudly on the floor as she approached him. "Okay, you have been acting super strange since Ray and I got to Central City." She put a hand on Barry's shoulder to spin him around. "Just what is going on with you? And _don't_ say it's a bad time. Oliver might join up with the League of Assassins, Laurel has become the new Black Canary and Thea's been training with Malcolm Merlyn, so I know all about bad times."

Eddie didn't understand half of what Felicity had said, and he was fairly certain Malcolm Merlyn had been declared dead after the earthquake he'd unleashed on Starling City, but Barry seemed to know what it all meant, though it hadn't served as the kick he needed to open up. He just stood there staring at them, mouth stubbornly pursed shut. Eddie sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Unpause."

Barry deflated at that, knowing he wouldn't be able to avoid pushing things off this time. He'd said he'd talk about once they'd restarted the conversation, and though they weren't home, he'd made up his mind to get it all out into the open. "Fine, okay." He fixed his gaze on Felicity. "We found out that Wells isn't who he says he is. He's the man who killed my mother."

Felicity's eyes widened. "Oh, my God! But he's been... he's been _helping_ you."

"In getting faster and stronger, yeah, I know."

"Why? Why would he do _any_ of that?"

"I don't know. I don't know _anything_ anymore. And that includes who to trust. Not after I trusted Wells."

Felicity frowned as the pieces began to fall into place, and suddenly, Barry's behavior began to make sense. "You think Caitlin and Cisco are helping him. No way. That's impossible."

"Is it?"

" _Yes_. They were trying to save you today, Barry. They _did_ save you."

"Wells has _also_ saved me, many times. I thought that Wells was a great man and it turned out that I was _so_ wrong about him. What if I'm wrong about them, too? I almost _died_ today because Cisco led me the wrong way. _Died_. Which is a whole other..." Barry shook his head, not even going there. "Cisco created the cold gun Snart stole, because he wanted a weapon that would be able to stop me. _And_ he was the one who told Snart my true identity." By themselves, they had been innocent mistakes, mistakes Barry had forgiven him for, but in adding them all up, it seemed to point to only one inevitable conclusion.

"And what if..." Barry lowered his voice, flicking his eyes around the room to make sure they were alone, "What if my coma wasn't as bad as it they made it out to be? Caitlin's a medical doctor. Once Wells convinced Joe to have me moved to S.T.A.R. Labs, she could have easily pumped me full of drugs to keep me under, giving them all the time they needed to put whatever it was they were up to into motion."

" _Barry_." Felicity said, waiting until she had his full attention before speaking. "I want you to _really_ think about what you just said, because both those scenarios are contradictory. If they wanted you dead, why move you from the hospital, where the doctors were _certain_ you were going to die? They could have just _left_ you there. And if they needed you alive for whatever reason, why would Cisco do anything that would get you killed? _If_ he's working with Wells, who has gone to such great lengths to keep you alive and has helped you out all this time, why would he have let Cisco lead you the wrong way?"

" _I don't know_!" He all but shouted, nearly at his wit's end. "I have gone over _everything_ that has happened since the accident, _everything_ Wells has done and _nothing_ makes any sense!"

"So you just jump to the worst possible conclusions? Didn't you learn your lesson the last time?" Eddie cupped Barry's face in his hands and peered into his eyes. "Why are you so willing to let history repeat itself?"

Shamefaced, Barry cast his gaze downward. Every awful assumption he'd had about Eddie -that he would hate him for not being normal, that he'd turn around and use his task force to hunt him down, or would hand him over to someone like Eiling- he was now having about his friends as he questioned their allegiance. He'd witnessed firsthand what those kind of assumptions would earn him, but after Wells, he couldn't be certain of anything anymore. It had fueled a bitter dichotomy in his mind, not wanting to be caught trusting people who were working against him, but not wanting to _again_ think that the people he cared about were even capable of betraying him to begin with. He hated himself for thinking the worst of his friends, but he hated Wells more for putting him in the position in the first place.

Eddie lifted Barry's head back up, thumb sweeping over his cheek. "I get it. You're hurt by what Wells has done. You're angry and you have _every_ right to be. And you don't want to open yourself up to being hurt again, so you're thinking that it's better to be safe than sorry. But Joe and I have been looking into Wells for a long time now, and _nothing_ we have found has implicated them whatsoever. If we _had_ found something, we would have told you, so you would know what you're up against. But if you're afraid to trust yourself with taking the risk in trusting them, then at least trust _me_. All I care about is you, and I'm telling you that they're _not_ involved."

A glimmer of hope appeared in Barry's eyes and Felicity reached out to slip her hand in his, in an attempt to foster that hope. "Trust me, too, Barry. Cisco and Caitlin have only ever had your best interest in mind. I know that it's a tricky situation, but this is when you need your friends to have your back. And how can you if you won't even give them the chance?"

Barry glanced over at her and Eddie released his hold on him. "But what if Joe is right?" He asked hesitatingly. "What if I tell them and it backfires? Wells isn't just their boss, he's their mentor... their hero." He shook his head ruefully. "He was _my_ hero."

Felicity squeezed his hand in reassurance. "You know, when I first met Oliver, before I found out he was the Arrow, he would ask me to do all these weird things, like decrypt a bullet-ridden computer, or hack some company. And when I would ask him why, he would come up with these _ridiculous_ excuses. I always knew he was lying, but I helped him anyway. And you wanna know why? Because I knew Oliver was a _good_ person, with a _good_ heart. Cisco and Caitlin are no different. They _aren't_ working with Wells. And even if they get upset that you've been holding back, they won't choose him over you. Besides, Eddie was upset, wasn't he, when he learned you were the Flash? And look at you two now."

"She's right. We are living proof that just because something seems insurmountable, it doesn't mean that it can't be overcome. I forgave you for the lying," Eddie slid his gaze over to Felicity, "sorry, the _fibbing_ , and you forgave me for being an asshole."

"You weren't an _asshole_..."

"Yeah, I kinda was." If it hadn't have been for Barry's persistence and that bizarre dream, he'd probably be at home right now, miserably blaming everyone but himself for being alone.

"Okay, you were, but like you said, I forgave you. Because I loved you."

" _Exactly_. And that's why I believe that _if_ Caitlin and Cisco get angry with you, they'll eventually forgive you. Because they love you and they're your friends, and that's what friends do."

Lips quirking up in a tiny smile, Barry nodded, starting to feel foolish for having kept his doubts to himself. Actually talking about them had not only allowed those doubts to be banished, but it had allowed him to clearly see what he had to do next. It wasn't enough that he had to believe in his friends, his friends had to believe in _him_. "Thank-" He jumped when he felt his phone vibrate in the breast pocket of his suit jacket, causing Eddie and Felicity to flinch backwards in surprise.

"Sorry." He muttered as he dug his phone out. He was really going to have to work on not being constantly startled every time his phone went off. Reading the message, his expression fell. "Emergency at S.T.A.R. Labs."

"Go." Felicity said without hesitation and before the words were even out of her mouth, Barry was gone, the breeze of his exit kicking her hair around. 

Eddie ran a hand down his tie, which had been similarly sent fluttering and glanced over at Felicity. "Thank you for the assist." He said gratefully. "I don't think that would have gone over as well if it had just been me trying to convince him." She'd had the experience of doing this kind of thing for longer than he had, and her insight had been just the nudge Barry had needed.

She shrugged a shoulder. "That's what friends are for. Just be glad we didn't have to resort to beating the sense into him." The way she'd been tempted to do with Oliver as of late, but Felicity kept the thought to herself.

"Believe me, I am." She smirked up at him and Eddie motioned between them with a hand. "I know I haven't really had the chance to apologize yet for the way I acted, back when we first met, but I'm sorry if I came off like an ass. You're a good friend to Barry, and I shouldn't have treated you the way I did."

Felicity blinked at that. Except for some sullen looks and whatever weirdness her presence had caused for the two of them, Eddie had never once said anything mean or untoward to her. Their relationship had still been in its infancy when she'd shown up and given her history with Barry, it was understandable if he'd been threatened by her, but she had never felt that she'd been treated poorly by him. But he obviously felt bad for what he'd done, even if what he felt sorry for had only been in his mind, and she appreciated his effort to clear the air, so they could move forward as friends.

She shook her head, hair swishing around her shoulders. "No worries. It's all water under the bridge. Besides, if I were dating Barry, I'd be just as protective of him as you are. I'm just happy he has someone like you fighting for him."

"He's worth fighting for." Eddie said quietly, giving voice to what was in his heart. "I let myself forget that for far too long, but... he has _always_ been worth fighting for."

Felicity didn't think there could possibly be a more sincere declaration of love and she felt herself get a little choked up. Though she wasn't as good a friend with him as she was with Barry, she'd always known Eddie to be a good man, at least up until that moment. Now she knew him for what he truly was, what Barry had seen and knew him to be, and that was a _great_ man.

She cleared her throat of the lump that had formed there and leaned in closer to Eddie, lowering her voice, "Well, between you and me... all these guys spend so much time fighting to protect other people that they don't realize that sometimes, _they're_ the ones in need of protecting. Luckily," Felicity slapped on a perky smile and tapped a finger to Eddie's chest, " _we're_ their heroes. Just ordinary people who love them for who they are, flaws and all, and will take the bullet for them when they need saving. Speaking of..." She arched a delicate brow and glanced toward the door, "we should probably go save Ray from Iris."

He'd been so concerned with preventing Barry's meltdown that he'd completely forgotten about how they'd essentially abandoned the two of them. Left alone for all that time, there was a good chance that Iris was trying to wring every juicy morsel out of Ray for an exposé. "Good idea." Eddie turned to head for the door but found himself unexpectedly caught up in a hug. Surprised and not quite sure what he'd done to earn it, he wrapped his arms around her, giving her back a little pat.

The hug ended almost as quickly as it began and Felicity took a step back. There was so much more she wanted to say to him but she knew that if they had any more heartwarming moments, she really would start to cry. So instead, she smoothed down the wrinkles on her dress from the hug and gave him a watery smile. "C'mon, let's get back out there."

True to form, when they exited the storage room and walked back to the table, they found Iris seated beside Ray, her phone out and recording as she lobbed questions at him. Ray appeared both eager to discuss the leaps and bounds his company was making in the technology field, and absolutely thrown by Iris' sheer vehemence in interviewing him.

"Off I go to save the day." She murmured, and Eddie chuckled as he watched her go extricate her boyfriend from Iris' journalistic clutches. She had been right about superheroes needing the occasional rescue, if the relieved expression on Ray's face was anything to go by, and he was glad she'd been there to help him rescue Barry as well. He knew he could have done it on his own eventually, but as they'd told Barry, it was better when you had your friends and loved ones with you, fighting the good fight alongside you.

 

* * *

 

"They should be here any minute." Barry said anxiously, tugging on the canvas screen over his whiteboard to reveal the information they'd been gathering on Wells. It still seemed scant in his eyes, going on what little Joe, Eddie and Iris had dug up. It would have been nice have had the thick file Mason had been compiling, but that was lost to day that had never been, and he just had to hope that they _did_ have would be enough to convince Cisco and Caitlin. He chewed on his lip nervously, eyes bouncing around the articles he had tacked to the board.

Eddie came up from behind Barry and slung an arm across his shoulders. "Take a deep breath and _relax_. No matter what happens, I'm proud of you for doing this."

Barry craned his head around to look at Eddie. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He replied. "It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing, even when everyone else is telling you not to." Eddie kept his eyes on Barry, though he really wanted to glance pointedly back at Joe. "And I'm proud of you for finding that courage."

Smiling, Barry bent his head down to rest it on Eddie's shoulder. It meant a lot to him, Eddie's support, considering what had happened between them concerning this very thing. The specter of their breakup was hanging over the current situation, and despite their clean slate, it had left him with a tangled ball of mixed emotions. He'd almost let himself fall into the same trap of shutting out the ones who'd meant the most to him after being burned by the truth of Wells' deceptions, but thankfully, Felicity and Eddie had shown him what his errors were leading him to. He'd almost let his paranoia alienate him from the people he needed most at his side, Caitlin and Cisco.

But not anymore, not after Cisco's heroics in saving Ray had convinced him, more than anything else, that neither of them were working with Wells. He hadn't just restarted Cisco's heart on that deserted road, he'd seen the depth and scope of it, and what price Cisco was willing to pay to keep his friends safe. It had reminded Barry that he'd _always_ known Cisco's -as well as Caitlin's- true colors, even if he'd let the pain of Wells' betrayal blind him to that. They had earned the right, time and again, to know what was happening at S.T.A.R. Labs, and it hadn't been fair of him to tell Eddie and Iris, while denying the same opportunity to his friends. He'd been wrong and he was determined to make amends.

"I wouldn't have found it without you... and I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you the truth about me earlier." Barry all but whispered, knowing that Joe was only a few feet behind them.

"That doesn't matter now." Eddie whispered back and he kissed the crown of Barry's head, closing his eyes as he breathed in the scent of his hair. "But it's good that we're _both_ learning from our past mistakes." They'd agreed to a clean slate, but he wasn't going to let Barry carry around the weight of their breakup, not when they both had shared a good portion of the blame for it. "We may never be able to forget what happened, but that's a good thing. We're stronger now because of it, and hopefully, it'll help remind us what _not_ to do in the future."

"Still... I shouldn't have been stupid enough to make the mistake in the first place." He scoffed at himself. "You were an asshole and I was stupid. Hard to know which is worse."

"Hey." Eddie nudged Barry's head and when he lifted it up to look at him, Eddie placed a soft kiss on his lips. "You're _not_ stupid, okay? You just so happen to be the smartest guy I know. But nobody's perfect and that includes you, so don't go beating yourself up. Iris has already done that for us."

Barry barked out a laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as a grin replaced his somber frown. "God, don't remind me." He rubbed at his head, where it had collided with Eddie's, as though he could still feel the bump. "Though it's good to know that she's not above resorting to physical violence if either of us does something stupid like that again."

"With friends like that, who needs enemies?" Eddie quipped, before regretting it the instant it came out of his mouth. "Sorry..."

"It's okay." Barry murmured, though he pulled away from Eddie all the same. He walked away from the board and moved toward his desk to lean against the edge. The hurt of finding out about Wells was still fresh in his mind, but he needed to remain positive and not fall into a pit of despair over it. Reaching for the silver lining, he figured that the betrayal had allow him to discover who his true friends were. Hell, now that the whole city knew about him, he was finding support in the most unusual places, like Captain Singh. It gave him a renewed sense of purpose. Wells hadn't just betrayed him, he'd betrayed all of Central City, who had looked to him and S.T.A.R. Labs as a beacon of hope in an uncertain world. Now they had the Flash and he would never turn his back on anyone.

Barry turned his head to Joe, who had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time and arched a brow. "You all right?"

Joe nodded. "This is your show, Barry. I'm just here to back you up." Watching Barry and Eddie from the background had been like a moment of clarity for him, one he hadn't even known he'd needed. His son was an adult now -not that he'd been ignorant to the fact that both his kids had gone and grown up on him- and Joe had realized that it was past time to let Barry handle the reins on his life.

He'd wanted to keep him safe, to protect him from the harsh realities of the world, but in doing so, he'd only caused more problems than he'd solved. He hadn't wanted Barry out there putting himself in danger, but now that he had, he was seeing just how much the world needed the Flash. He'd wanted Barry to keep his identity secret from Eddie and Iris, and in doing so, he'd nearly destroyed both relationships. And so soon after putting back the pieces of those relationships, he'd told Barry to do the same thing to Cisco and Caitlin. But it had been Eddie who Barry had turned to in the end, and it had turned out that he was right. Most people wouldn't put themselves in harm's way for someone else, but Cisco wasn't most people, and he'd nearly died in protecting Ray.

There was no overlooking how mistaken he'd been in directing Barry's actions and all he could do now was let Barry do what he felt was the right thing to do. They were in a precarious place as it was, trying to maneuver behind Wells' back and ignoring desperately needed allies had been the wrong choice, and ultimately, not his to make in the first place. His meddling had come from a sincere desire to shield Barry, but it had clearly done him more harm than good. Joe had to learn to be less controlling and seeing Eddie with Barry, reassuring him, being his emotional rock, offering him the support he needed, it was a lesson that had been long overdue. He would never stop helping Barry, but he just had to be proud that he'd had become the kind of man Joe always knew he could be, and that he'd found someone deserving of his love, someone who would be there for him when he couldn't.

"Well, it means a lot to me that you're here." Barry smiled at him. "I have a feeling I'm gonna need all the help I can get." It was going to be a tough sell, but he had to believe that they would be able to persuade Cisco and Caitlin of the truth.

As if on cue, they heard footsteps coming down the hall and Barry put on his game face. He felt bad for bringing them to the station under false pretenses, especially since they'd seemed so excited for a karaoke night, but he just had to hope that they'd forgive him for fib, along with everything he was about to do. It wasn't every day that you shattered someone's perception of reality and replaced it with hard truths. Cisco's voice filtered down the hall as he began to sing and Barry had to steel his nerve against the innocent, carefree riff. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. There was simply too much on the line.

Eddie nodded solemnly at him, and his unwavering support infused him with the strength he needed to upend Cisco and Caitlin's world, so that together, they could face whatever the future had in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good gravy, this took _forever_. That's what happens when you end up doing something you hadn't planned on doing, you end up coming up with shit on the fly. I hope this hit all the right notes and I promise I'll try to be faster with updating!


	17. Now Is The Time To Be Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am well aware that the premise for this chapter is completely ridiculous, but I thought we all needed a breather and a healthy dose of some fluff (peppered in with some sexiness) before the shit starts hitting the fan, and this exists purely as an in-between. It might also toe the line of the T rating, so for those who are faint of heart, look away now! To the rest of you pervs, enjoy!

Falling onto his back with a thump, the mattress protesting loudly against his weight, Eddie turned his eyes to the ceiling as he fought to catch his breath. Barry lay beside him, panting heavily as well, limbs finally stilling from their erratic buzzing as his body was flooded with a calming rush of endorphins and oxytocin. They rode the waves of post-orgasmic bliss in relative silence, until their hearts had stopped drumming against their rib cages and they were capable of coherent thought once more.

Toes numb and the pleasantly dull throb in his groin fading, Eddie reached down to rip off his condom, leaning over the edge of the bed to toss it into the small garbage bin beside the nightstand. Rolling over onto his side, he pulled Barry to him, their mouths crashing together in a sloppy kiss.

Humming softly, Barry tangled their legs together, sliding an arm under Eddie's to wind it behind his back and bury his fingers in his damp hair. It was too hot to be so close, the two of them absolutely drenched in sweat, yet still, they pressed every inch of naked skin they could against each other.

Eddie pawed at him leisurely, smoothing a hand over the jut of his hipbone down to his thigh, then around to his butt. When he began kneading the muscle, Barry broke the kiss with a gasp at the over-stimulation. "Jesus, you are _insatiable_..." He moaned, unable to stop from writhing underneath Eddie's gentle ministrations.

Eddie chuckled and dropped a kiss on the indentation of teeth marks just below Barry's lower lip, where he'd bitten down hard on the flesh somewhere in throes of heated passion. "If you had a boyfriend as sexy as mine, would _you_ be able to keep your hands off him?"

"Well, it just so happens that I _do_ have an incredibly sexy boyfriend and yet I'm fully capable of not handling him like a piece of meat." Barry tugged at his hair playfully, a smirk spreading across his face.

Tilting his head back on the pillow, Eddie leered at him. "Then he obviously isn't doing something right." He squeezed Barry's butt again, making him shiver. Eddie nipped at his lips, trying to pull him into another kiss, but Barry stopped him  by planting a firm hand on his chest.  
  
"We really should start getting cleaned up. Can't be late to our own party, can we?" It wasn't so much a party as it was a planning session, so he, Eddie, Joe, Iris, Caitlin and Cisco could begin to hatch something that at least sort of resembled a feasible course of action to combat Wells. But there had been mention of beer and pizza, so that qualified as a party in his book, even if it was more of a war party.

"Says the man who is habitually late for everything. I seem to recall a Barry Allen who enjoyed sleeping in and had to be dragged out of bed. Whatever happened to him?"

Barry ached a brow in amusement. He never thought he'd live to see the day where Eddie, of all people, would be advocating sleeping in late. "I think he was replaced by a pod person who can see the value of being on-  _oh, my God_..."  
  
His words dissolved into a low whine, mouth dropping open in wide O as he began bucking on Eddie's hand. "That's not _fair_." Barry huffed, squeezing his eyes shut. "God, that is _so_ not fair..." It was straddling the line of pleasure and pain, so soon after an already mind-blowing orgasm, but the raw intensity of the sensations only made it all the more enjoyable.

He started buzzing again, the vibrations shaking the mattress underneath them and he didn't know whether to give in to the amazing torture or put his foot down on stopping so they could get ready to leave.

Eddie refused to relent however, when he saw the line of consternation form between Barry's eyebrows. He was thinking too much again and his hand became more insistent, to get him to stop thinking. "Who ever said anything about fair?"

" _No one_." Barry whimpered, the hand he'd been using to push Eddie away curling up, fingernails clawing into his skin.

"Now what was it you going on about, something about being late?" He asked, eyes raking over Barry's face, greedily drinking in the sight of him in pure sensory overload.

"N-nothing..."

"That's what I thought." Eddie pulled Barry to him once more, claiming his mouth in a possessive, bruising kiss.

 

*~*~*

  
"Okay, now we're _definitely_ going to be late." Barry said, voice hoarse and his limbs twitching sporadically. He felt gloriously wrung out, tear tracks drying on his face from where he'd started crying, the closer Eddie had dragged him toward an inexorable, screaming release. Barry gathered up the tattered remains of his sanity and licked his lips, swallowing thickly before lifting his head up off the pillow to glance down at the mess they had made.

The bed was a complete wreck, the sweat-soaked sheets twisted up around them and the fitted sheet torn clear off the edge of the mattress. The comforter had been kicked to the floor at some point, along with all their clothes, leaving the bedroom looking like a war zone. Even though he could have had the room straightened up in the blink of an eye, he didn't really have the energy to get moving. Eddie's mouth and fingers had seen to depriving him of any motivation. Barry thumped his head back down on the pillow with a deeply satisfied moan.  
  
"It's like you're always saying, _they know I'm going to be late anyway, so why worry_?" Eddie rolled onto his side to look at Barry, mindful not to touch him in any way. As much as he'd wanted to cuddle with Barry after the fact, there was a good chance even the merest brush of skin would cause him to explode, and not in the good way. "I think Joe will manage to keep them all entertained until we get there."  
  
Barry leveled a glare at him, a sour look on his face. Eddie, realizing his faux pas, grinned back weakly. "Sorry. Buzzkill." There weren't many subjects that were verboten when it came to their pillow talk, but on the list of the few that did exist, Joe was at the very top. Or rather, it was any discussion of either of their respective parents, which Joe fell into the category of.  
  
"Big time." It had been the incentive he'd needed to get up however, and Barry shifted around to swing his legs off the bed. Yawning widely, he got to his feet, his knees still a little wobbly and it took him a second to steady himself. "Give me a few minutes to take a shower and then I'll help you clean up." Barry scratched at the back of his neck as he turned to peer down at Eddie. "Though I should make _you_ do the cleaning, for killing the mood."  
  
"Yeah, I probably deserve that." Sighing, he got up and stretched his arms above his head. "Will you at least save me some hot water?"  
  
Grinning mischievously, Barry said nothing as he padded into the bathroom. Eddie shook his head as he heard the water turn on and he quickly set about cleaning up, just in case Barry proved to be not so magnanimous in shower sharing. It was simply a matter of tearing the sheets off the bed to toss them in the hamper, along with the pillow cases and their discarded clothing. The comforter had been saved from most of the mayhem but Eddie still gave it a once over, checking for stains before folding it up and placing it at the foot of the bed.  
  
He debated going to the linen closet to redress the bed before they left, versus doing it when they got back but Barry starting singing loudly and the sound of it made the decision for him. Eddie walked into the bathroom and pulled the shower door open, scaring the crap out of Barry, who had been busy soaping himself up. "Hey! What have I told about that _warbling_?" He stepped in behind Barry, sliding the door shut before turning a mock glare on him. "The neighbors are going to think I'm up here skinning a cat."  
  
"I'll have you know that I _totally_ scored my first date with Linda thanks to this singing voice." Barry moved aside to let Eddie get under the spray. "Said I was _talented_."  
  
Tipping his head back under the water, Eddie chuckled as he soaked his hair completely. "Well, she was right. That mouth of yours _is_ pretty talented." He had the bite marks and wicked sex hangover to prove it, too. "Will you hand me the shampoo?"  
  
Barry harrumphed, but plucked the bottle out of the caddy so he could hand it over. "So it's true... you _have_ just been using me like a piece of meat." It would definitely explain all the sex they'd been having recently. Not that he was complaining, but it _had_ been a little strange.

Some times, they could go days without sex, opting for just curling up in bed together before falling asleep, and other times, they were like horny teenagers. Even then, it still didn't explain the marathon sex sessions they'd been having over the last few days, Eddie taking full advantage of his increased stamina and reduced refractory time to wring him absolutely dry and leave him a quivering, babbling mess.

Eddie popped the bottle open and squeezed out a dollop of shampoo. "Should I _not_ have been?" Closing the bottle, he handed it back to Barry and then maneuvered around him, so he wouldn't be directly under the water as he worked the shampoo into his hair. "Don't get me wrong, I love the _whole_ package." He waggled an elbow at Barry. "Brains, heart, body... I thought you needed a distraction while we waited for Cisco and Caitlin to come around."

Barry was a genius level intellect, but that intellect, for all its merits, also had a downside and that was when there was an obstacle he couldn't think his way around, Barry had a tendency to let it eat away at him until he found the solution. Since there was no real off-switch for that big brain of his, Eddie had decided to just short-circuit it altogether, in one of the best ways he knew how, with lots and _lots_ of stress-reducing orgasms.

"I just assumed you knew what I was doing and were going along with it, but if you're feeling used and objectified, I can stop right-" He barely caught his footing in time to keep from falling over, after Barry collided into him and sealed their mouths together in a fierce kiss.

He'd been wondering why Eddie had seemed so much more amorous as of late, but listening to his explanation, he thought back to each instance in the span of days after confronting Caitlin and Cisco with what they'd found, when he'd been tetchy and on edge. It had been a lot to digest, all the evidence they had been compiling against him, and they had all agreed to give Caitlin and Cisco -mostly Caitlin, who had been extremely hesitant about accepting the fact that Wells had been lying to them- some time to come to terms with the revelation. He and Eddie had all but talked it into the ground while they'd been waiting around, until he'd been too frustrated to even think.

He and Joe had then talked it into the ground, while discussing him taking a trip to Starling City to investigate the car accident Wells had been in fourteen years prior. Barry had talked about everything so much, he was mildly surprised he hadn't lost his voice, or that his jaw hadn't simply fallen off from overuse. Because of all the nervous anticipation, he'd been too antsy to sit still and try distracting himself with work, or doing chores around the apartment, or even binge watching whatever movies Eddie had on hand. He'd tried eating his worries away, but too much junk food had given him an awful sugar high, making his mind race even more about all the different ways what they were doing could go wrong.  
  
Every time he'd started to pace or fidget in his seat or begin chewing his nails nervously, Eddie would pounce on him, manhandling him onto the couch or into the bedroom, so he could devour every inch of him. Barry had just been too wrapped up in what was going on to figure out that Eddie had found the way to distract him from his thoughts. And it had _worked_. The sex had been off the charts and the afterglow, holding Eddie in his arms, listening to his heart beat as he gently spoke about some inane topic or another, it had been the respite he'd so desperately needed from his troubles, at least for a little while.

Tasting soap in his mouth, the shampoo suds in Eddie's hair running down his face, Barry pulled back, hands wiping away the shampoo. "That has to be the most asinine, _idiotic_... sweetest, most selfless excuse anyone has _ever_ used for sex."

Eddie blinked his eyes open and gave him a perplexed look. "So basically what you're saying is that I'm a... sweet idiot?"

Laughter echoing off the shower walls, Barry grinned and nodded his head. "Yeah, you are. And God help me, I'm in love with that sweet idiot."

"Oh? Then that idiot must be doing _something_ right." Breaking their no hanky-panky in the shower rule, Eddie slung his arms around Barry, tugging him closer to capture his mouth in a slow, heated kiss. Closing his eyes at the gentle sensation of Eddie's lips against his, Barry breathed him in, all his senses intoxicated beyond belief. Their tongues met and twined together sinuously, Eddie deepening the kiss as he aimlessly traced his fingertips down the water slicked length of Barry's spine. 

Barry's hand grasped at Eddie's upper arm, squeezing the muscle as he began to shiver and vibrate, his body awakening once more. He didn't even know how it was possible to have anything left in the tank, but right then, he didn't care if he was close to running on empty. He moaned softly, slotting their groins together, eager to repay him in kind for what he'd done, but Eddie pulled away, teeth tugging at his lower lip before he released it with a soft _pop_.

"Barry..."

"Yeah?" He murmured, nearly breathless and light-headed from desire.

"The water's getting cold."

Barry blinked, too much blood rushing downward to think clearly. Coming back to himself by degrees, he realized Eddie was right, the water cascading over them cooler than it had been when they'd started. " _Crap_. I'll, uh... I'm done, so I'll go and let you... finish up."

"Yeah, I'll be quick. We really shouldn't keep everyone waiting anyway." As much as he wanted to continue on with the proceedings and have his way with Barry, they really didn't have the time to dally any longer. It was late in the afternoon as it was, and if they didn't hurry, it be close to dark by the time they got to Joe's. "Pause?" He asked, ducking his head to drop a kiss over the cluster of freckles on Barry's clavicle.

"Yeah, sure... as long as you admit that I _can_ actually sing."

Eddie lifted his head up and furrowed his brow, pretending to think about it. Barry was quite the opposite of an awful singer and his insistence otherwise had originally stemmed from being woken up on his day off -after a _very_ long, _very_ trying double shift- to the sound of Barry loudly belting out a tune in the shower. It wasn't that he _didn't_ want to hear his melodious voice, happy and free from any worries, it was that he didn't want to hear it _right then_. In his sleep-addled frustration, Eddie had called out for him to pipe down -in much more colorful words- to which Barry had barked back that it was _his_ apartment and he'd do whatever he damn well pleased. Ever since then, he'd taken to teasing Barry about it whenever he got the chance.

"Fine, you can sing. You have a beautiful voice and I've always enjoyed hearing how talented you are." He tried to sound petulant about the admission, but the playful gleam in his eyes gave him away.

"That's what I thought." Barry said with a smug, self-satisfied smirk. "So yes, pause."

Rolling his eyes, Eddie gave Barry's butt a gentle swat before letting go of him, and Barry slid the shower door open. He stepped out and reached for one of the towels hanging on the door's rack. Still flustered, though his arousal was beginning to wane, he dried his hair quickly before wrapping the towel very carefully around his waist. Huffing out a breath to center himself, he set about brushing his teeth and shaving while Eddie hurried in using what was left of the hot water to wash his hair and the rest of his body.

By the time Eddie appeared behind him in the fogged up mirror, Barry was finishing up. Tossing his razor into the little plastic cup on the sink, he stepped aside to let Eddie have a turn at getting ready. He made his way back into the bedroom, to grab the clothes he'd brought over in his gym bag.

Barry started to ask when Eddie would consider making room in his dresser for him, so he wouldn't have to essentially live out of a bag, but the buzz of Eddie's beard trimmer switching on cut him off. He'd just have to bring up later, when they didn't have to much other stuff to worry about. He got dressed the old-fashioned way, since he wouldn't be able to do his hair until Eddie was done with the mirror, slipping into a pair of dark jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a black cardigan over top of it.

Eddie came out of the bathroom as he was lacing up his sneakers, stubble neatly trimmed and his damp hair combed back. "Mirror's free." He said, plucking his necklace off the nightstand to put it on. Barry grinned, the rhythms of their rituals nearly as flawless as they had been before their split. If his calculations were correct, Eddie would be dressed and at the door waiting for him when he was finished.

Barry hopped to it, pulling his hairdryer and styling products out of the bag before disappearing into the bathroom. He could have just made a mad dash around the block to dry his hair, but getting it out of that windswept look was usually more of a hassle than just taking the time blow dry it. 

He went as fast as he could however, as no one would care how fashionable he looked while plotting someone's downfall, and he was sure once he and Eddie got back to the apartment when they were done, it'd end up a sweaty mess once more. 

Once he was done, Barry assessed himself in the mirror, to make sure he was presentable. To the outside world, he appeared calm and collected, but inside, he was starting to freak out again. Cisco had been the most open to the idea that Wells wasn't who he said he was, his dreams of being killed by him already setting the stage for accepting the fact that Wells was the Reverse Flash.

Caitlin, however, hadn't been so keen on just taking their evidence at face value, which Barry completely understood. It had taken months for him to be convinced of Joe's suspicions and even then, it was hard to believe that someone so dead set on helping him in every way possible was actually working against him. It was a hard, _bitter_ pill to swallow, so he knew where Caitlin was coming from.

It still didn't allay his fears that she might not come around to it, or even agree to help them. He needed Caitlin, they _all_ needed her, and just the thought that she would refuse to join them made his stomach queasy.

"Barry?"

Whipping his head around, Barry saw Eddie standing in the doorway, dressed in jeans and a button down shirt that was open at the chest, showing off the fact that he wasn't wearing anything underneath it. "Huh?"

"Are you okay? I've been calling your name, but you weren't answering."

"Yeah, I'm good, I just..."

Eddie offered Barry an understanding smile and moved to sidle up behind him, placing a featherlight kiss to the back of his neck. 

"It's gonna be fine. _You're_ gonna be fine." Eddie peered into the mirror and met Barry's gaze. "We just have to get through this last hurdle, and once everyone is on board, we can make our move against Wells."

"But Caitlin-"

"The fact that she's waiting for us at Joe's should tell you everything."

"I know, but-"

"No buts. She's _with_ us. Even if she doesn't believe one hundred percent right now, she's with us."

Nodding, Barry lifted his arms up, looping them up and around Eddie's head to link his fingers behind his neck. He turned to peek back at him and Eddie kissed his lips, hands immediately finding the patch of skin from under his shirt that had been revealed when Barry had raised his arms.

"How are you always so positive about everything?" Barry asked, nuzzling against his cheek. "When did I become so _negative_ about everything?" He used to have such a sunny, upbeat disposition, and a rosy outlook on life, but as of late, there wasn't much to be upbeat about.

Eddie splayed his fingers out over Barry's stomach, feeling the muscles twitch under the gentle touch. "Once burned, twice shy. It's hard to see the good things in the world, and to keep having faith in people after you've been hurt." He watched Barry's expression darken, well aware that he was speaking from experience and Eddie continued on, not wanting his thoughts to go down _that_ road.

"But _I_ have faith in you, Barry. We _all_ do. Joe, Iris, Cisco, even Caitlin. Once this is all over and done with, and things are made right again, I'm sure we'll be seeing that adorable puppy dog smile back on your face."

Barry snorted derisively, but kissed Eddie all the same, for the confidence boost. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Mmh, you have... but I could definitely stand to hear it a few more times." Eddie waggled his eyebrows, grinning at him cheekily.

"And there he is, my sweet idiot."

Eddie gave Barry's stomach a slap, making him gasp. "C'mon, smartass, we need to get going." He released his hold on Barry and pulled his phone out of his pocket, texting Joe as he headed out of the bathroom that they were on their way over.

"Yeah, I'm coming." He dropped his arms and fixed his shirt, before glancing in the mirror one last time. _Everything is going to work out_ , he told himself, trying to find the positives in their bleak situation, _I'm going to have my friends and family with me when I face Wells. He's been training me to go faster and he'll end up regretting it_.

"You look fine, babe!" Eddie shouted from the living room. "Ready to kick ass and take names, so let's  _go_!"

Barry's lips ticked up in a grin, finally finding something to be upbeat about.  _We're_ _going_   _to_ win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you may already know, I'm not a fan of _Glee_. In fact, I'm what most people would refer to as a "hater". But many of you wonderful readers _are_ fans and there have been several comments made to the effect of paying homage to the fact that Grant has a talented singing voice and that he was on _Glee_. And since this story isn't just for me, it's for _all_ the Thallen fans who are tagging along on this adventure, I felt it was necessary to be inclusive to every reader... and also because I robbed you all of the chapter where Caitlin and Barry sing karaoke. So I hope this makes up for that.


	18. Take Everything From The Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy poop on a stick! Over 500 kudos! You guys are seriously the _absolute best!_ You all deserve a treat of some kind for being the sweetest, most amazing readers ever! But since I can't give my sweets some sweets by shoving cake, pie and ice cream through the computer screen, I'll have to think of something else to reward you all with!

Barry chewed on his lower lip anxiously, eyes riveted on the screen of his computer as he ran the GSR sample from Eddie's hands. He began bouncing his leg up and down on the base of his chair, wishing he could pick up the lab equipment and shake it until it started going faster. He'd been wanting to freak out ever since he'd seen the dashcam footage showing Hannibal as Eddie gunning down two officers, but losing his mind wouldn't do him or Eddie any good, and that meant not abusing the machinery.

Singh had asked him for answers that would exonerate Eddie and come hell or high water, Barry was going to deliver. What he _really_ wanted to do was drag Hannibal Bates into the station by his hair and force him to shapeshift, to prove to everyone that Eddie had been framed, but not only was he impossible to find -and most likely couldn't be forced to shift, making him look like an idiot- Caitlin and Dr. Wells had been adamant about not touching Bates, lest his powers be transferred, along with his likeness.

The thought of Wells sent his mind further down into the pit of despair he was currently wallowing in. Of all the things they _didn't_ need right now, a meta screwing around with them was definitely at the very top of the list. With Joe and Cisco in Starling City and Caitlin on the fence about Wells, he was already shorthanded and Eddie being locked away wasn't helping their cause. There was just too much going on and Barry felt like he was going to split apart at the seams. Planting his elbows on his desk, Barry bent his head down and buried his hands in his hair. He pressed his fingers into his scalp, trying to calm his frantic thoughts, which were the only things doing any racing, fast enough that he thought they would burst out of his skull.

He could almost _taste_ proving once and for all that his father was innocent of having murdered his mother, but until he could prove that _Eddie_ was also innocent, using only what meager evidence he could find, he was stuck. How could he save his dad when he couldn't even save his boyfriend? Barry didn't want to even _think_ about going up against Wells without Eddie at his side, but unless he could find something that contradicted the damning footage, or somehow caught Bates red-handed, there was a very good chance he would _have_ to do it without him.

 _No. You have to stay positive. You can't just give up_. He'd never given up on his dad, not after all these years, not even after Joe had tried everything he could to dissuade him of holding on to false hope, and he wouldn't be giving up on Eddie either. Until they found a way to stop Bates, he just had to trust in the thing he'd dedicated his life to, science.

He would show Singh that there had been no gunpowder on Eddie's hands and that his service pistol hadn't even been fired, as well as the fact that the bullet had come from another gun. Even with the footage, Barry would convince him and the DA and everyone else that Eddie hadn't killed those officers. And when he was done with that, he'd convince Caitlin that Dr. Wells was the Reverse Flash and get his father out of prison. He couldn't in good conscience call himself a hero if he couldn't even save those he loved the most.

The computer beeped and Barry wrenched his head up so fast, he felt a muscle pull. Ignoring the pain in his neck when the results told him what he already knew, he quickly printed them off. Running out of the lab with the paper clutched in his hand, he made his way down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time, not caring if he was being rude by bumping into people. He spotted the DA in the interrogation room where they were holding Eddie and instead of taking the results to Singh, Barry burst into the room without even knocking.

"The results of the GSR swab." He said breathlessly, handing the printout over. "Detective Thawne's hands show no evidence of lead, barium or antimony. And I'm running the shell casings through the system right now. With that," Barry pointed the page in the DA's hand, "I believe it'll show the shots weren't fired from his weapon."

"And yet, _no one_ can seem to explain how the surveillance footage _clearly_ shows Thawne firing that weapon."

That sent Barry grasping for something to say, but he couldn't come up with anything that sounded even remotely feasible. He went with the only thing that came immediately to mind. "It only _looked_ Detective Thawne."

She shook her head and held up a stern finger. "No, Mr. Allen, that's _not_ good enough. You're the scientist around here, you of _all_ people should know better than that. And _you_ shouldn't even be the one running these tests in the first place, considering your personal relationship with the detective." Frowning deeply, she handed the printout back to him.

"Find someone else to run those tests." Not that it would do them any good, not if they couldn't feasibly refute the footage they had, but he would need some sort of defense when they went to trial. With that thought, she looked to Eddie. "And I'd highly recommend finding some good legal representation, detective." Having nothing more to say to either of them, she turned and left the interrogation room.

Eddie sighed after she walked out, the fading echo of her heels striking against the floor like that of someone hammering the last nail into his coffin, and he slumped down dejectedly in his seat. "It's hard to blame her. The video _is_ pretty damning." He now knew how the bank teller he'd been interrogating the day before had felt when she'd been confronted with the security footage from the vault. Completely innocent, yet absolutely helpless when faced with the evidence before her.

" _No_. No, we just have to find a way to convince her." His mind went back to the idea of dragging Bates into the station, which was now more tempting than ever, even if it meant running the risk of Bates stealing his powers.

"Seeing is believing, Barry." Eddie peered down at his hands. "They're gonna put me away..." He said morosely. No matter what tests Barry ran, no matter how much evidence he found to disprove the video, no jury would believe it, not when they saw Bates as him shooting his brothers in blue. He didn't know which was worse, the idea of losing his freedom, or the idea of being locked up in a place where the people weren't exactly keen on cops, _especially_ the ones they thought were dirty.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Barry glanced at the window. The blinds had been put down, to give Eddie the courtesy of not having to be stared at by those who believed him guilty, and Barry saw his chance. Pulling Eddie up out of the chair, he sped them both out of the room, toward the back alley behind the station. Making sure the coast was clear, Barry put on the brakes.

As soon as they stopped moving, Eddie pushed Barry away, disheveled and somewhat shaken. It hadn't been the first time he'd tagged along for an unexpected trip at several hundred miles an hour, but he still hadn't quite gotten used to just how _bizarre_ it was.

"Okay, you need to get to S.T.A.R. Labs as quickly as you can." Barry said firmly, though he couldn't hide the slight panicked edge to his voice. "I'll call Caitlin and she'll set you up with a burner phone. I'll contact-"

" _No_." Eddie said firmly, cutting Barry off mid-ramble. He brushed past him, searching the alley to make sure no one saw him and thought he was making a break for it. "If I run now, that surveillance video will be the _least_ of my problems. No way I won't look guilty... Even if we clear my name, I'd still be guilty of escaping police custody. There's no way they'd let me stay on the force after that."

Barry blanched at that, not having given a single thought to what would happen once the police discovered that Eddie was gone. They would initiate a manhunt to track him down and alert the whole city that an accused cop killer was on the loose, which would only create an even bigger problem after he was vindicated. Eddie would be blackballed for certain, not only by his peers, but by the public as well, and his career would likely never recover from it.

Barry cursed himself for his overreaction. It was _exactly_ what Oliver had warned him against, not taking the time to fully assess and consider all the consequences of his actions, so he wouldn't go barreling blindly into any given situation. But he'd done _just_ that. He'd put Eddie in even more danger of the law by acting rashly on his desire to keep him out of prison.

In the blink of an eye, he had Eddie back in the interrogation room. Fortunately, no one had noticed their brief absence, even with him blasting in and out of the room. Barry brushed his hands over Eddie's shoulders, smoothing down the wrinkles in his suit he'd caused by running him around. It wouldn't matter how he looked while he was stuck in holding, but Barry felt the urge to do it nonetheless. "Eddie, look, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't apologize, okay? I understand." Eddie put a hand on Barry's elbow, to stop him from the nervous primping. "I know what you're thinking right now, and you're wrong."

"You're not a psychic, remember, you _can't_ know-"

"You're thinking about your father and you're worried that you won't be able to save me, just like you couldn't save him."

He flicked his gaze downward, wishing he hadn't been wearing his heart on his sleeve, but Eddie raised his hands to cup Barry's cheeks in his hand and peered deeply into his troubled eyes. "You're _wrong_. When they put your dad away, you were just a kid and there wasn't anything you could do to make people believe the truth. But you're not a kid anymore... you're a _scientist_. And you're the _Flash_. We've talked about this before, Bar... the people of this city believe in you. _I_ believe in you. And if you didn't believe in yourself, you wouldn't put on that suit every day and risk your life to help others. You believe in yourself, right?"

Barry exhaled through his nose sharply and nodded. "Yes." He believed in what he did for the city, and what he did for his friends and family. With his powers and through his actions, he was living proof that just because things looked bleak, it didn't mean they were hopeless.

"Good." Eddie clapped his cheek gently, "Now, you _are_ going to find Bates. You _are_ going to prove that he framed me and you are _going_ to clear my name. So go _do it_. Get me out of here the _right_ way."

"All right."

 

* * *

 

Hannibal's eyes roamed over every inch of the cortex as he walked through it, an odd smile playing on his lips. The guy he'd shifted into was certainly the most _interesting_ person he'd ever impersonated. He hadn't thought much of the kid when he'd shown up at his grandmother's house with the detective, bumbling around on the sofa like an awkward, ungainly teenager, but turned out that looks truly were deceiving. Hannibal grinned at his own joke as he made his way into Caitlin's lab.

It had been a stroke of luck, ending up inside S.T.A.R. Labs and finding out that they were still in business, though not the kind of business anyone would be advertising. This Barry person was working with a crew to stop people with powers, people like him. Now that he knew what they were doing, it would be simple enough to stop them, before Caitlin could finish her serum, because like hell he was going to let them rob him of his abilities.

Caitlin turned from whatever it was she was doing when she heard him walk up behind her. She smiled up at him, taking a step into his personal space. "Okay, good to go. Just need to give it a spin."

Hannibal grinned back, wondering exactly what kind of relationship she had with Barry. She was definitely hot, in that sexy librarian sort of way, and the way she had been talking to him earlier -before dropping the bombshell that she was working on a way to steal his powers- the two of them had gotten into some kind of argument about his mother, which said that she was in some way involved in his personal life but that they weren't related. That was a mistake Hannibal had made once before, shortly after the blast that had given him his powers, and he would never make that mistake again, no matter how hot the chick was. So hot, intelligent, and involved, but just _how_ involved this Barry kid was with her remained to be seen.

When Caitlin continued to stare at him and made a motion with her hand, he realized she wanted him to move out of her way. "Oh, _right_. A spin..." He got out of her way and she immediately slipped the vial of serum into one of the slots on the piece of equipment he'd been standing in front of. Hannibal sidled up behind her, gaze sliding up and down her body lecherously as she worked.

"So, will this stuff take away his powers completely, or is it just a... temporary fix?" He asked, staring unabashedly at her ass.

"Temporary. But long enough for us to stop him." She furrowed her brow at the question. Barry knew, better than anyone, that the particle accelerator explosion had _permanently_ transformed the DNA of everyone who had been effected by it. She had explained it to him back when Farooq had zapped him of his powers, that his molecular structure hadn't changed whatsoever, and it never would, and that was true for _every_ meta. Nothing anyone did would ever completely stop Bates. It would only suppress the polymerization reaction for a short time, and he should have known that.

"And how long will that take?" He asked, bending down to take a whiff of her hair. She smelled nice, a lot nicer than most of the people he dealt with in his line of work, and he inhaled deeply again, taking in the mixed aroma of her shampoo and perfume. What he wouldn't give to push her up against the table and see if she smelled just as wonderful _everywhere_.

"Not long. We just need to-" She spun around suddenly, the vial in her hand once more, and Hannibal inched back a bit, the two of them locking gazes, an owlish expression on her face as she peered into his eyes. She then grinned at him in embarrassment, cheeks flushing a soft shade of pink. "What are you doing?"

So she _did_ like him. She hadn't seemed all that bothered by his closeness, though her blushing suggested that they didn't know each other in the biblical sense. _Not yet, anyway_ , he thought with sly smirk. Caitlin brushed past him, to awkwardly bustle over to the other side of the lab, but she hadn't pushed him away in anger or disgust. That was all the incentive Hannibal needed.

He glanced toward the entrance to the cortex, making sure no one else was around before coming up behind Caitlin once more. "Something I think I should done," He grabbed her elbow, using the grip to make her turn and face him, "A long time ago." He cupped her cheek in his hand, fingers smoothing over her soft skin as he pulled her in for a kiss.

Their lips met and Caitlin's eyes widened, staring at Barry in utter confusion as she wondered just what the _hell_ was wrong with him. She knew that things were a bit hectic in his world at that moment, what with Eddie being arrested and him trying to prove that Wells was somehow killed his mother, but it wasn't hectic enough that he would be pushed to cheating on Eddie by seeking solace in another person. After what they'd been through together, she didn't even think that the world ending would be enough to tear them apart.

She broke away from the kiss but Barry quickly caught her again before she could protest, tongue licking at her lips to get her to open up to him. _The Barry I know would_ never _do this_ , she thought, _and_ _he wouldn't ask questions that he already knew the answer to_. That meant only one thing. It _wasn't_ Barry kissing her, but Hannibal Bates himself.

Caitlin started panicking. She couldn't let on that she'd him figured out, otherwise he'd shift again to get away, slipping through their fingers again. It meant that she had to play along - _that's_ _all_ _I'm_ _doing_! she screamed at herself internally- to keep him in the building, and she closed her eyes, choking down on the urge to vomit as she kissed Hannibal back.

Fortunately, before he could get any farther with her, something beeped from behind them and she pulled away as fast as she could, eyes swinging around to the security terminal. Iris was in the elevator, on her way down to the cortex and Caitlin sent out a silent _thank you_ for her epically amazing timing.

"Oh, my God! Look who's here!" She said a bit too shrilly, and she winced at how it sounded.

"Oh, yes..." Barry - _Hannibal!_ \- said, as though nothing were wrong and it was all peaches and cream in his world. "Her."

Yeah, definitely _not_ Barry. If it _had_ been the real Barry and he had somehow gone  _completely_  insane, deciding on a whim that he wanted to be with her and _not_ Eddie, the real Barry would have been freaking out, hoping not to get caught by Iris, who would have snapped his neck clean off his shoulders for even _thinking_ of cheating on Eddie. Caitlin cursed herself for not realizing it sooner, questioning how good of a friend she actually was that she hadn't noticed any change in his behavior or demeanor, right up until he'd put the moves on her.

All she could do was chalk the error up to everything that was going on and she'd just have to guilt herself later for not recognizing Hannibal for what he really was from the moment she'd walked into his apartment. Running her fingers through her hair to fix in from where Bates had manhandled her, she hurried out of the lab into the cortex, cheeks flaming brilliantly in mortification as she felt him hot on her heels.

Iris all but ran in and immediately went to Barry. "I have been looking for you _everywhere_." She crossed her arms over her chest, arching a delicate brow. "You are _impossible_ to get a hold of sometimes, you know that?" It was something she was more than used to by now, but after the shooting, she was surprised he hadn't been hanging on his phone, waiting for any news about Eddie or Hannibal Bates.

"Well, I'm here now." He said, wondering what his relationship with _this_ woman was. Barry had quite the harem of lovely ladies at his fingertips and he had to hope that he was putting the screws to at least _one_ of them. The way Caitlin had become skittish after seeing her and how he was being chastising by the new addition like they were an old married couple, he wondered if they _were_ an old married couple. There weren't any rings on either of their fingers though, so maybe she was just his harpy of a girlfriend.

With the both of them around, he'd have to keep on his toes if he wanted to keep up the ruse and throw a wrench in their plans. It was usually easy enough to fool one person on his identity, but the more people that got added to the mix, the harder he'd found it to play his role convincingly while trying to stick to just the vagaries of personal facts and details. He'd gotten this far, however, simply by playing it by ear, and he just needed to clear one last hurdle before he was on to something -and someone- else.

Iris rolled her eyes at his attitude and looked to Caitlin, who was surreptitiously trying to pull her phone out of her pocket. "So I got to thinking..." She started, getting Caitlin's attention and she glanced up guilty, hiding the phone behind her back. "If we can't find a way to show everyone what Bates can do, the only thing we have to rely on is the evidence we have. So I hacked into my dad's CCPD account and went through the footage of Eddie shooting those cops."

Walking over to the array of computers, Iris sat down in front of one and brought up the CCPD page, logging in with dad's password -which was, predictably, hers and Barry's names with an ampersand between them as the required special character- to access the footage. Iris played it for them and they watched in silence as the Eddie lookalike ruthlessly gunned down the officers, before taking out the camera.

Iris craned her head around to Caitlin, who was secretly typing away on her phone. "Are you okay?"

Startled, Caitlin jammed the phone quickly back into her pocket and nodded her head. "Yeah, _fine_! Barry, what do you think?" She asked, going for a misdirect, to get Iris' attention off of her.

Hannibal shrugged his shoulders, wishing that Caitlin wasn't being such a spazz about their kiss. The girl had no poker face whatsoever and for someone who had apparently been so into him, she certainly couldn't keep her cool about finally getting a piece. Perhaps that was why Barry had never made a move, because she was _way_ too high-strung. "I dunno," He replied with a casual shrug, "looks pretty convincing to me." His aim was certainly improving, hitting the dashcam dead on, and he had to applaud himself for it.

Iris twirled around in her chair, staring up at him like he was nuts. "Look _again_. You of all people should know that Eddie's _not_ left-handed." She peered back at the screen, pointing at the frozen image of Eddie, left hand raised. "No cop is trained to shoot like that, and no way he goes to the shooting range and just practices with his left hand. You said there was no evidence that the bullets had come from his gun, and there was no GSR on his hands. If we bring this to the DA..."

Hannibal slowly reached behind his back, tugging his gun from the waistband of his pants as Iris continued on about circumstantial evidence and release bonds. No one could know what they'd discovered and he certainly couldn't allow Caitlin to perfect that serum. All he had to do was kill them now, and Barry would be the one seen on the cameras, fleeing the scene of a double murder. He'd simply become someone else after the fact and there would be no one left to stop him.

He flipped the safety off and raised his arm to aim the barrel at the back of Iris' head, only to feel a sharp pain in his back, followed by an overwhelming jolt of electricity. The world went red, before turning completely black.

Iris screeched as Barry collapsed into a heap on the floor and she jumped up from the chair, eyes going from Barry's prone form to Wells, he was holding a taser in his hand. "Holy shit, what did you _do_?" She goggled at him, aghast at what he'd done, wondering if this was it, the moment he'd decided to make his move against them.

Wells just smiled back at her placidly. "Your observations about the shooter were spot on, Miss West." He said, as calmly as if they were discussing the weather. "He was indeed left-handed. As is _this_ man." He indicated to Barry. " _Our_ Barry is right-handed."

Iris returned her gaze to Barry, and saw a gun clasped loosely in his still twitching hand. His _left_ hand. She stood there speechless, not knowing what to say to Wells, to thank the man who had killed Barry's mom for saving their lives.

"Luckily," Wells continued, saving her from having to come up with something, "Caitlin here, in a stunning show of deductive reasoning, figured out that he was an impostor and alerted me to his presence." Wells waved the taser around. "Good thing I keep this around, in case of an emergency."

Caitlin grinned weakly at the compliment, not even wanting to think about what Bates would have done if Wells had arrived only a few seconds later. She was just thankful that she'd been able to get the message out without being caught, and that Dr. Wells had been there to take him down. If it had come down to her and Iris, they might have presented enough of a challenge to Bates, but she'd chosen discretion instead of violence -mostly because she knew her own weaknesses in fighting- and now they had Bates right where they wanted him.

"That's the weapon he used." Iris said, almost to herself, an idea taking shape in her mind. "If we can keep him knocked out, he can't shift. All we have to do is find the real Barry and get them both to the station, so everyone can see him." She looked from Wells and Caitlin. "They'll _have_ to release Eddie then."

While he wasn't exactly keen on removing Bates from the facility, Eddie's freedom was the main priority they had to consider. The newspaper hadn't changed once since Eddie's arrest, but he'd rather not tempt fate, not again. Wells tucked the taser into one of the pockets of the wheelchair and clasped his hands together on his lap. "Then I suggest you two get moving. He should be out for a while, but finding out where Bates stashed the real Barry might be a problem."

"I, uh, I spoke to him a few hours ago. He said he was at his apartment, to shower and change. That _has_ to be where he is." 

Caitlin motioned to Iris. "C'mon, let's get him into my car and then we can run over to Barry's place." Time was of the essence and they had to move quickly, before he woke up and attempted to escape from their clutches. As much as she loathed the idea of Bates anywhere but the pipeline, Eddie needed to be vindicated and the only way to do that was for them to show the world -or at least the Central City police- what Bates could do.

She moved around him and grabbed one of his arms, thinking the only way for the two of them to get him out of the lab was to stand him up and carry him between them like one would a drunk friend, to evenly distribute his dead weight. "We're gonna have to restrain him somehow."

Iris tugged on Bates' other arm and together, she and Caitlin dragged him to his feet, which was easier said than done. Not only did he look like Barry, he was just as heavy, and it was a struggle to get their shoulders underneath him. Grunting as they finally got him steady, Iris brushed her hair back from her forehand when they were done. "Pretty sure I have a pair of handcuffs in my car." She saw Caitlin's eyes go wide and Iris quickly amended her statement. "Because my dad's a _cop_."

"Right." Caitlin said as neutrally as she could, not wanting to make even the slightest inference into Iris' personal life. "Good thing, because we'll need them."

As one, they got Bates out of the cortex and into the hallway toward the elevator, Wells following behind them with the taser at the ready, just in case. When they got to the elevator -after what seemed like a five mile trek- Iris punched the button, mentally counting down the seconds it took for the doors to open. 

She had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind as she tried to puzzle out exactly how Bates had bested Barry. Sure, Bates could have been anyone he wanted, in effort to get close to Barry, but at the point of attack, he had to have seen it coming. Unless Bates had used his gun to take him out of the equation. From what she had read in all the police reports about his crimes, he'd never resorted to violence, even before he'd become a meta human, and he didn't have to now, not when he could change his face to get what he wanted.

But the fact still remained that Bates had been impersonating Barry for hours, without any sign from the real Barry. Iris had to force herself to stay positive as the elevator took them up to the parking level. Maybe he was just tied up or trapped somewhere and couldn't free himself. Any scenario her mind could conjure was better than thinking of the d-word.

_He's fine. He's alive. He's gotta be. Because if he isn't, I will find a way to track that idiot through the afterlife and kill him myself._

 

*~*~*

 

Iris jammed her key to Barry's apartment into the knob and twisted it open. Flinging the door open, she and Caitlin barged in. "Barry!" They shouted simultaneously, the sound carrying through the apartment, but they heard no response to their cries. Glancing at each other nervously, they had some sort of silent conversation that culminated in Caitlin heading towards the back, while Iris started clearing the front.

She found his keys and jacket, tossed carelessly onto the couch in his rush to be in and out, but that was the only sign that he'd been there. There wasn't any food or drinks lying around -the usual tell-tale clues that Barry had been somewhere, topping off with a snack or a soda before he was gone again, leaving his garbage out to be picked up later- and she made her way into kitchen, further confirming that Barry hadn't even made it that far before Bates had shown up.

Looking high and low, Iris found nothing. Worry building in her chest, she turned to go help Caitlin, when she heard her voice call out.

"Iris! I found him! He's all right!"

She dashed down the hallway, following Caitlin's voice to the bedroom. Iris found her kneeling on the floor in front of the closet, where Barry had been carelessly stuffed, bound and gagged with what looked like an entire roll of duct tape. Caitlin was shaking his shoulder, trying to rouse him, but he remained stubbornly unconscious. Left with no alternative, she reared her hand back and slapped Barry across the face.

 _That_ woke him up and he groaned in pain, only to let out a shout when Caitlin then ripped the duct tape off his mouth.

" _For real_?" His whole face on fire from Caitlin's oh-so professional bedside manner and he gaped at with a wide-eyed expression of surprise. "Why did you slap me?"

"Because you were _unconscious_." She replied snappily, trying to tear away at the tape around his wrists and ankles.

"Well, smelling salts work _just_ as well." It wouldn't have saved him from the raw, sticky feeling around his mouth from the tape, but he could have done without her adding insult to injury. As soon as his hands were free, he sullenly rubbed at his face.

"Sorry." She mumbled as she worked, running her hands through his hair to make sure whatever lump he'd had on his head was completely healed and peering into his eyes to check his pupils. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." His memory came rushing back to him suddenly and he jerked his head out of Caitlin's grip. "Wait..." Barry looked up at Iris. "Bates was here!"

Iris exchanged glances with Caitlin. "Uh, yeah... we know."

Barry read their expressions and he immediately forgot about his pain. "Oh, God. Are you two all right? What did he do?" He asked, almost dreading to hear the answer. Bates could have wreaked unimaginable chaos while he'd been knocked out, as Eddie or himself -damning Eddie's name even more, or his own in whatever his goal had been in tracking him down- and Barry sincerely hoped that Bates hadn't absorbed his powers when he'd touched him.

Caitlin felt her cheeks heat up and she pursed her lips, shaking her head reticently, embarrassed by the uncomfortable moment in the lab with Bates. She just had to remind herself that it hadn't really Barry and that no one ever had to know just how long she'd gone not recognizing the fact that her friend hadn't truly been her friend. And honestly, all the signs had been there, if she'd just seen them for what they were. Hell, the whole car ride back to S.T.A.R. Labs, she'd gone on and on about the serum she was cooking up, and the whole time, he'd just sat there, silently nodding his head without adding anything to the conversation.

Never in the several months they'd been friends had she known him to be silent when it came to science and chemistry, or on _any_ subject he had a working knowledge in, enjoying the ability to ramble on ad naseum with people who shared his level of intellect. If she'd been thinking clearly and saw him for what he was, she could have gotten Bates back to the lab and jammed a needle full of sedatives into his neck. Bates obviously hadn't taken on Barry's powers, which meant he wouldn't have metabolized a sedative as fast as the real Barry would have.

She could have had him unconscious for days on a cocktail of drugs and they would have had all the time in the world to clear Eddie's name in the shooting. But _no_ , luck hadn't been with her that day, and if Bates got away scot-free, she'd never be able to rid herself of the guilt in not seizing the opportunity when she'd had it.

"We, uh..." Caitlin cleared he throat. "We had him. And then we lost him."

"It's my fault." Iris chimed in. "Wells tasered him and he passed out still looking like you, so I thought if we took you both to the station, it would prove to everyone that Eddie was telling the truth. But... Bates escaped.

"Evil little brat." Caitlin muttered under her breath, hating to acknowledge how clever the move had been, shifting into a little girl. She was still surprised that she and Iris had made it out of the situation before the cops had been called, as there would have been no plausible explanation to explain what they'd been doing with a handcuffed child in the backseat of her car. Luckily for them, they had been able to make their getaway while the construction workers had been busy scratching their heads over the mad dash Bates had made, away from the supposed arms of safety the large number of burly men would have provided.

Barry arched a brow at bitter tone in Caitlin's voice, and then flicked his eyes back up to Iris. "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not. All that matters now is finding him before he gets out of the city and Eddie ends up in Iron Heights."

Nodding emphatically, Barry pushed himself up onto his feet. "Let's get going then." He said, swearing to himself that Bates would get away with framing Eddie over his dead body. First Eddie, then himself, and now whatever he'd done to Iris and Caitlin. This meta was on his very last nerve, in a way none of the others had been and he was _done_. Done with people who weren't who they appeared to be screwing around with his life, and done with playing it safe. This was going to end _today_ , if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

* * *

 

Staring out the precinct window down onto the street below, Barry watched the cars go by, mentally calculating their speed by how long it took them to pass between two stationary objects, in this case, adjacent light poles out on the sidewalk. He was trying to distract himself with whatever mundane thing he could think of while Eddie was being processed out of holding and his arrest voided. Though he had been proven innocent by the footage of Bates at the airport, there was still paperwork that needed to be done before he was completely in the clear and able to return to work. Barry had thought that they'd extend him a little professional courtesy and put a rush on things, but apparently not.

He'd been waiting for nearly two hours and he was starting to get antsy, wondering what the problem was. Having worked with the police for as long as he had, he well understood the bureaucratic slog that made things ten times more complicated than they had to be, but two hours was _beyond_ ridiculous.

"Barry."

Spinning around, he saw Eddie walking toward him through the bullpen, a little rumpled but no worse for the wear, and his heart flip-flopped anxiously in his chest. "God, Eddie." Barry said, rushing over to wrap him up in a fierce bear hug. "I was beginning to think something had happened." He buried his face in Eddie's neck, ecstatic that he could hold him in his arms once more. The fear that he'd only ever be able to see Eddie through bulletproof glass had been all too real and Barry squeezed his arms around him tighter, to banish those fears away. He'd won the fight, Bates was in the pipeline and Eddie was _free_.

"Sorry," Eddie murmured, hugging Barry back just as tightly, "Singh and the DA kept me held up." It was almost hilarious, the two of them do their best to apologize to him without actually saying _I'm sorry_. There had been a lot of doublespeak and references to all the evidence they had against him, but the humor in watching them stumble over themselves had been lost along the line somewhere, due to the fact that he'd been staring down the barrel of a life sentence.

Rubbing his hand in slow circles over Barry's back, Eddie sighed, not wanting to think about what had nearly happened. He just wanted to go home, take a steaming hot shower and fall asleep in his own bed. "Please tell me we don't have to wait around anymore for something else to go wrong."

Groaning morosely, Barry lifted his head up and leaned back. "We do kinda have to stick around for just one more thing... Joe and Cisco are back." It was the other thing he'd been distracting himself from, what the two of them had brought back from Starling. Of all the things he'd expected them to find, a body _hadn't_ been one of them, and wrapping his mind around it and what it meant had been exhausting.

"What did they find?" 

"You've, uh... you gotta see it for yourself." Explaining it would do no justice, and it was best for Eddie to see it with his own eyes.

"Okay... Your lab?" 

"Yeah, let's go." Barry released Eddie and they made their way out of the bullpen. "The sooner we get up there, the sooner we can go home."

"Hah. From your lips to God's ears." This impending fight with Wells had been occupying everything they'd done for weeks now, but Eddie wished that for just this once, they didn't have to worry about Wells, or any Flash business, or anything related to metas. Just a few hours of down time to recoup after the shooting incident shouldn't have been too much to ask, but the universe apparently had other ideas.

As they got to the stairs, the elevator dinged just before the doors opened and Caitlin stepped out. When she clapped eyes on Eddie, a wide grin split her face. "Eddie, hi!" She jogged over to them, ready to hug Eddie in joy and relief at his release, but at the last second, she realized they weren't exactly on hugging terms. Caitlin froze awkwardly, too late to abort but too self-conscious to go through with it.

"It's okay," Eddie said with a warm chuckle, seeing the grimace on her face as she struggled with indecision, "I'm huggable."

"Oh, thank God." She slung her arms around him and patted his shoulder lightly. "I'm so glad we were able to catch Bates in time." She hadn't been too thrilled seeing him in the pipeline, shifting between all the people he'd impersonated -including herself- before revealing his true form, distorted as it was by too many shifts, but by and large, it was better to have him in containment instead of anywhere else, unsettling or not.

"Me too." He replied, releasing Caitlin with a wry smirk on his face.

"Well, yes, of course you are. I didn't mean it like-" She spotted Barry making a cutting motion with his hand and quickly got the hint. "Yay, you're free. Let's go see whatever this thing is that Joe and Cisco brought back, shall we?"

" _Yes_ ," Barry said, " _that_ sounds like a good idea." It wasn't a good idea, as it would forever destroy Caitlin's perception of Dr. Wells, but the truth wasn't always pretty, or easy to swallow. With an incredibly heavy heart, he waved them up the staircase and trailed behind them, each step feeling more and more ominous. There was no going back after this, not for any of them.

He felt like he should have given them a choice, before they reached the point of no return, but he knew that they would never abandon him, no matter how much it would hurt to stay with him. It should have filled him with pride, to have such loyal friends, but all he could feel was a bone-deep dread at how he was testing that loyalty by dragging them into his fight. Eddie would have no qualms about it, but it wasn't Eddie that Barry was worried about.

He was worried about Caitlin, worried that she'd only ever see him as the one who tarnished her view of Wells, the man who might as well have put the moon and the stars in the sky, especially after Ronnie's supposed death. Wells had given her more than a job, he'd given her a reason to keep getting up every day after the explosion, to make Ronnie's death mean something by saving others, and Barry was about to destroy that for her forever.

To say he felt like an asshole was an understatement, but at the same time, Caitlin deserved to know the truth about the man she so admired, and that was why Barry opened the door to his lab without a peep, letting Caitlin and Eddie go in first. They walked in, only to stop dead at the sight of the table Joe and Cisco had placed smack-dab in the middle of the room.

Caitlin sucked in a sharp breath, slowly making her way to the table to survey the decayed body, her eyes searching for any signs of trauma that would have been the cause of death. The bones were old, old enough that decomposition had left almost no visible traces of hair or skin left attached to the bones. It would take her a couple of x-rays and a CT scan to determine what had killed this -she flicked her gaze down to the pelvic bone- man, but she knew with absolute certainty that she'd be able to determine what had happened to him.

"Who is this?" She asked, not sure what an old skeleton had to do with Wells.

Cisco stepped around the desk and waved dramatically toward the body. "Guys... meet Harrison Wells."

"Excuse me?" Eddie said, looking to Joe and Barry for confirmation that Cisco wasn't just pulling their legs. Their solemn nods told him that Cisco was indeed serious and he turned back to the body, eyes wide.

"That's _not_ possible." Caitlin said, heels clicking on the floor as she crossed the room to the desk where Cisco had his equipment set up. She began scrolling through all the data, the dental records and DNA test, the photos of the where they'd dug up the body, in relation to where Wells' car accident had taken place fourteen years earlier. "This _can't_ be possible..." She breathed, though she didn't sound so convinced of her own words as she read on.

"I ran the tests twice." Cisco said as gently as he could. It had been hard for him to stomach it after he'd seen the results, but he knew it was going to be twice as hard for Caitlin. He put a hand on her shoulder consolingly. "It's a perfect match. This body is the _real_ Harrison Wells."

"But if _this_ is Dr. Wells, then who have we been working for this whole time?"

"Dr. McGhee said that after the accident, Wells, became a completely different person." Barry put his hands on his hips and looked from Eddie to Caitlin. "It's because he _is_ a different person."

 

* * *

 

Barry ran his hands over the wall where Cisco's equipment had indicated the influx of tachyons, at first searching for anything at his level, before remembering that Wells would have to access whatever was behind the wall from his wheelchair. Inching his hands down, Barry kept going and finally hit pay dirt when the hidden panel lit up, and the wall disappeared before their eyes, a gaping black hole against the rest of the concrete. He glanced back at Caitlin, Iris and Cisco, who were just as stunned as he was to have discovered Wells' secret lair, and fairly easily at that.

Though they had been suspicious him for quite a while, it had only been Cisco who'd had the notion that S.T.A.R. Labs housed more than just the accelerator. It seemed so arrogant, to operate _right_ under their noses, but everything Wells had done in the past year reeked of arrogance, up to and including training and mentoring the very person he'd been working against for so long. Having a secret lair where tucked away where they all worked seemed par for the course at that point.

No one was in a hurry however, to see just what was inside and Barry supposed that they were waiting for him to go first. Taking a deep breath, he made the plunge into the darkness.

Something must have sensed their presence as they filed in one by one, the door closing behind them as seamlessly as it had opened. A low blue light flickered to life without a command and revealed in a recess inside the adjacent wall was the Reverse Flash suit. He heard Caitlin gasp softly from behind him.

Even after seeing the skeletal remains Joe and Cisco had found, that the tests had proven was Harrison Wells, the yellow suit had been the final, absolute nail in the coffin, obliterating any further doubts she might have still been harboring.

They all crowded around the display, awed and unsettled by it, but Barry couldn't stomach the sight of it. It was the representation of everything that had gone wrong in his life and all of his failures, to save his mom and free his father. He moved farther into the room to get away from it, more lights turning on as he did so, and he scanned every inch of the place, trying to see if there was anything else Wells was hiding. There was a console of some kind near the back wall and when he approached it, an image appeared in front of him.

Barry's heart began to race. "Uh, guys..."

If the suit was unsettling, the newspaper image was downright _terrifying_. They stared at it, unable to comprehend exactly what it was that they were seeing.

"What the frack?" Cisco breathed.

" _Flash Vanishes, Missing In Crisis_." Barry read. " _After an epic battle with the Reverse Flash, our city's very own Scarlet Speedster disappeared in an explosion of light_."

"Look at the date." Iris said, pointing at the top of the image. Barry's eyes went to it, before widening dramatically.

"April 25th... _2024_." His heart was now threatening to burst right out of his chest and he had to fight to keep himself calm. "When I fought the Reverse Flash at Christmas, he said that we'd be fighting for centuries."

"Wait, wait, wait," Caitlin interjected, hands in the air, "you can't really think that this is from the _future_." Wells could very well have planted the image for them, knowing they might find the secret room and had intended to throw them off whatever is was that he was really planning.

"That would mean that Dr. Wells, or whoever he is, is _also_ from the future." Cisco looked back to the picture, brow furrowed in contemplation. "I have to say, I am really digging the brighter red suit. And the white on the symbol? That's so dope." He froze, mind doing somersaults. "Hold up... If we change the color on the suit, will it be because we got the idea from this picture? That would mean that we're living in a causal nexus... This is _so_ trippy. Like Marty in the Polaroid trippy."

He wondered what would happen if he made the decision to absolutely refuse any changes to the suit, now or ever. Would the image then change right before their very eyes, or was it inexorably linked to whatever future Wells had come from? If they stopped Wells now, would the image change again, since future he'd come from no longer existed, or were they in one big loop, where everything that happened would _always_ happen, no matter what they did? His brain started to overload with the thoughts of alternate realities and timelines.

"Yeah, but it's not as trippy as the name on the byline." Caitlin murmured softly, directing their attention away from the picture.

Barry blinked, eyes raking down to where the article started. "Iris West _-_ _Webb_?"

All eyes turned to Iris, who was gaping openly in stunned silence at the sight of her name, and the implications of what it meant. It wasn't every day you found out that you were indeed going to find the person who would be the end-all, be-all in your life and they gave her a second to take it in.

"Uh... Mazel tov?" Cisco said hesitatingly after a moment, a bit taken aback as he began thinking of causal nexuses once more.

"Hebrew. Ancient language of the Jewish people."

They all nearly jumped out of their skin. "What the _hell_ was that?" Cisco asked, looking around frantically for the source of the voice that had filled the room, but they found nothing. There wasn't anywhere for anyone to hide, unless there were more unseen doors, leading to more secret rooms, which wasn't _entirely_ out of the realm of possibilities.

"Is someone there?" Barry called out. "Hello?"

"Hello, Barry Allen." Said the voice and a large digitized face appeared behind the console.

Barry traded glances with his friends, before taking a slow, measured step toward the face. "Uh, hi." He stammered, looking for any sign of a projector and speakers, but there appeared to be nothing at all to explain how they could see or hear the holographic image. "Do you know who I am?"

"Of course. Barry Allen, director of Central City Police, CSI Division."

He blinked. " _Director_?"

"I guess you get a promotion." Iris offered, still reeling from the revelation of her own future.

"Also known as the Flash." The image continued. "Founding member of the-"

"Wait," Barry cut in, "What are you?"

"I am Gideon. An interactive artificial consciousness."

"Whoa... AI." Cisco said, thoroughly impressed. " _Sick_."

"And you know Dr. Wells?" Barry asked, more concerned with getting answers than marveling at the futuristic technology. Everything else paled in comparison to figuring out what they were dealing with when it came to Wells.

"Yes."

"Do you know who he _really_ is?"

"I don't understand the question."

"I mean, what is he doing here? Why did he come here?"

Gideon's head shifted into the form of a body, causing them all to flinch backward at the sudden, unexpected change.

"To kill you."

Barry felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, skin erupting in goosebumps at the matter of fact statement. He stood there flabbergasted, trying to think of what he ever could have done -or _would_ do- to make Wells want to kill him. He couldn't imagine himself in _any_ timeline doing something so monumentally awful that would make Wells hold a grudge against him for _so_ long. He started to ask Gideon another question, but Cisco's phone started beeping and he yanked it out of his pocket.

"Guys, Wells is in the building." He said, voice on edge. Cisco looked up from his phone and flipped it around so they could see the alert.

"Oh God, what did you do?" Iris asked, watching the little dot on the screen move around.

"I, uh... put a tracker in his wheelchair a while back. And if we're wrong about him, which I'm kinda doubting now, and Wells really _is_ paralyzed, I'm totally going to hell for that one." The dot continued moving and Cisco waved his hand at Barry. "He's in the cortex, ask questions fast."

Barry turned back to Gideon, mind immediately going to the question that had been burning inside of him for fourteen years. "Why did he kill Nora Allen?"

"Because he was angry."

"About what?" He asked, utterly lost and confused about the genesis of the hatred Wells had for him.

"That you escaped."

"Dude," Cisco interjected, "he's on B-level and coming this way!"

"What does he want from me?"

"For you to be the Flash."

Caitlin looked to Barry, who couldn't understand why Wells would kill his mother, only to ensure that he became the Flash. "That's gotta be why Wells let the particle accelerator explode... so you would become the Flash."

"But _why_? For _what_ reason?"

"Okay, we gotta go, like _now_. He's almost here." Cisco motioned to three of them to hurry up, and then stopped short. "Wait, _wait_. What if HAL over there," He pointed at Gideon, "tells Wells that we were here?"

"That would be _bad_." Caitlin replied bitingly, as though the answer should have been obvious.

"Yeah." Cisco brushed his hair back before handing Caitlin his phone and the tachyon tracker. "If I can get into its operating system, maybe I can disable the memory core."

"Gideon, can you show us where your operating system is?"

"Certainly." The projection changed, revealing where they could find what they were looking for.

Cisco let out an hysterical chuckle at the complexity of Gideon's system, knowing that even if they had the time, he'd still never be able to figure it out. "Yeah, _no_. _That's_ not gonna happen." 

"He's in the corridor." Caitlin told them, peering the ever-moving dot.

Barry looked to Gideon imploringly. "Gideon, could you just, like... _not_ tell him that we were here?"

"Of course." She replied smoothly. "I will accept any command given to me by you."

He arched a brow questioningly, but Caitlin, Iris and Cisco were already gathering at the door, ready to get the hell out of dodge.

"Come on." Iris hissed, waving her hand at him frantically. "We've got to get outta here."

"Hold up..." He held up a finger and faced Gideon. "Why would you accept _my_ commands?"

"Because you created me."

The bottom of Barry's stomach dropped out and he gulped loudly, wondering how and why and _when_ he'd find the wherewithal to create an artificial life form. That seemed more Cisco's forte than his own, but he'd just have to take Gideon's word for it.

"Barry!" Caitlin cried, anxiously trying to get his attention. They were waiting for him and if he didn't hurry up, they would all be found for sure by Wells, and all their clandestine planning would have been for naught.

Forcing himself to turn away from Gideon, Barry sped up, the three of them appearing frozen as he maneuvered around them, slinging Iris around his back, leaving his arms free to gather up Caitlin and Cisco. He blasted out of the door and ran as far away from S.T.A.R. Labs as he could get.

If he hadn't had his friends with him, Barry would have kept going, to Starling City, or to Canada or Mexico, or just anywhere that was in the middle of nowhere, so he could stop and scream out his frustrations. More than that, he wanted to curl up in Eddie's arms and bawl his eyes out over the fact that he'd been the cause of his mother's death, to just let his emotions bleed out until there was absolutely nothing left inside. But he couldn't.

So instead, he bottled up his feelings, swallowing back the bile that had been steadily building in the back of his throat and headed straight to the house. He knew they would be able to regroup there, as well as fill in Joe and Eddie on what they'd learned, and figure out just what the hell they were going to do next.

 

*~*~*

 

"You know, for a bunch of very smart people, that was really _stupid_. I mean, what if Wells had caught in that-" Joe spun his hand around, searching for a word to accurately describe the place they'd just told him about.

"Time vault." Cisco replied quietly.

"Yes, thank you."

Eddie scrubbed a hand over his chin and glanced around at the four of them. It hadn't even been a day since he release and they were already in the thick of it again. _No rest for_ _the weary,_ he thought to himself wryly. "Okay, I know we've all seen a lot this year, but seriously...  _time travel_?"

"I did it. Or, I _will_ do it."

"Excuse me?" Eddie stared across the room at Barry, absolutely flabbergasted at the admission.

Pushing himself off the support beam separating the living room from the dining room, Cisco made his way over to Eddie, talking as he walked. "You two were kinda all broken up and pathetic when this happened, but... we found out that one of the two speedsters in Barry's house the night his mother died was Barry. I mean, the Flash. He was there." He stopped in front of Eddie and spun halfway around to point a finger at Barry. "Which means that one day in the future, Barry will travel back in time to that night."

Eddie blinked, not sure how to wrap his brain around that kernel of knowledge, but then, he supposed that was the reason Barry, Caitlin and Cisco were the scientists and he was just the cop. "Okay." He said blithely, figuring that just like everything else in their not so normal lives, it was best to just go with it. It was simpler that way.

"Actually, I wasn't talking about that." Barry wrung his hands together nervously. "I kinda... _already_ time traveled. By accident."

" _What_?" They all asked in near unison and Barry would have laughed, had the situation not been so serious.

"I was running, trying to stop a tsunami from hitting the city..."

"When was that?" Joe asked, in his _why the hell are you just telling me this now_ voice.

"Uhm, a few weeks ago?" He looked to Cisco. "Right before you started getting those dreams."

"Oh, you mean the ones where Wells uses his super speeding hand to shred apart my heart? _Those_?"

"Yeah, those." And hadn't that just been a kick in the pants, finding out that the day he'd been so busy trying to save Joe and repair his relationship with Eddie, Cisco was across town, being murdered in cold-blood by their mentor and no one had known about it. Caitlin had called him before the tsunami, to tell him something about Wells, but he'd been too preoccupied to listen to what she was saying and now they were all reaping the consequences of his inaction. "So suppose they aren't dreams? What if they're _memories_?"

Joe shook his head. "I'm not following."

"All right, so Cisco found out that Dr. Wells is the Reverse Flash and then Wells killed him. But when I ran back a day, I changed the timeline so that the event never happened."

"But if it never happened, then how can Cisco remember it?"

"I don't know." Barry told him, before glancing back at Cisco. "I don't know. I think the important thing though is that he _does_."

Iris, who had been sitting their quietly on the couch, hands together on her lap as she absorbed the deluge of information going on around her, sat forward with sudden realization and stared up at Barry. " _That's_ how you knew about Mason, isn't it? Because you'd _already_ lived that day and _knew_ what he was going to publish."

"Uh... yeah. He'd given you his folder with all the evidence he'd been gathering on Wells and you showed it to me. I didn't think anything of it, though. I had no clue about what Wells truly was and I thought it seemed all circumstantial, but... I couldn't exactly see the forest for the trees." If he'd only known then what he knew now, he thought he could have somehow prevented all of this from happening.

Barry peeked over at Eddie, who was wearing an all too familiar expression on his face. "Look, I would have told you guys, but at the time, it was more important that you just _believed_ me about Mason and Wells, and not get caught up on me trying to explain _how_ I knew about them."

"The _how_ being that you, what, punched a hole in the fabric of reality, traveled backwards in time and were able to relive a whole day, with the knowledge you'd gained from the first go-round?"

Barry grimaced at the concise nut-shelling. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Not really a lot to get caught up on then, is there?" Barry had made him watch enough of his science fiction movies that Eddie had a fairly good grip on the concept of time travel. Knowing that his boyfriend had _done_ it was another thing entirely, but he wasn't a complete idiot.

Flicking his eyes between the two of them, Cisco raised a hand in the air. "Should we like... leave, so we don't have to watch you guys fight about this?" There was nothing more uncomfortable than being stuck in a room where people were fighting, especially when it was about their relationship.

"Oh, no, this is _my_ house," Joe said sternly, "if anyone's leaving, it's  _them_."

"No, no one is going anywhere." Iris stated firmly, her tone brooking no argument. "And  _no one_  is going to be fighting. Because Barry is going to apologize for the omission, isn't he?" She glared heatedly at him, until Barry broke under the intensity and hung his head, shamefaced.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you all about what I'd done. But Dr. Wells said..." A scoff escaped his lips, remembering Wells' big speech on how telling anyone what he'd done could further effect whatever changes he'd already made to the timeline. Fat lot of good that had done him, as nothing came close to resembling the day that never was. He lifted his head up and gazed around the room. "I'm sorry." Barry's eyes landed on Eddie. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

Caitlin and Cisco nodded their heads in acceptance of the apology, but kept silent, knowing it hadn't really been for their benefit. It had definitely stung, not being told that Barry had already time traveled, but honestly, with everything else that had been going on, it seemed almost inconsequential to the fact that Barry had been able to bring vital information back with him. Then again, to them, it was a matter of the mind, whereas with Eddie, it was a matter of the heart. So they wisely kept their mouths shut.

"It's okay. What's done is done and what's important now is just moving forward with what we know and worry about everything else later." They'd still be having a conversation at some point about it, but for now, they needed to figure out what they were going to do.

Eddie chuckled inwardly as he found himself using the _exact_ same line of logic Barry had used to explain why he hadn't said anything to them about his time traveling adventure. He figured he'd probably have to give Barry a pass on this one, not only because he didn't want to be a hypocrite, but because honestly, it was _time travel_.

Not that he _didn't_ believe it, or in Barry and Cisco when they said it was possible, it was just that he... couldn't wrap his mind completely around it. He and Joe were cops, Iris was a journalist and Caitlin was a medical doctor. It made sense to play the time travel card close to his chest, until he could reveal his hand to anyone besides Cisco without his sanity being questioned, not to mention the possibility of such a thing ever happening to begin with.

If Barry _had_ told them then, he would have been right about them wanting to pick his brain on everything it meant, what he'd learned, the consequences of what he'd changed, and they would have lost focus on the point of that whole conversation. His lips ticked up in a tiny, forgiving smile and he saw Barry's posture relax a bit because of it. A silent understanding was reached between them, and he couldn't help but feel relieved that they'd averted another crisis. Eddie had to think it of it as a good sign, that they were growing into something more, and that the little trespasses couldn't hold a candle to the renewed strength of their relationship. He flicked his eyes to Iris and nodded his head to her in thanks.

Iris rolled her eyes in return, curious as to what hell they'd ever do without her around to hold their hands through every little bump in their love lives and bandage their boo-boos when they tripped up. She had to laugh, wondering if this Webb person would be kosher with the idea that she'd have to maintain two separate relationships, theirs and Barry and Eddie's. Must have been, since he'd gone and married her. _That_ sent her down a whole other train of thought about her mystery man, and what role he would play in all their lives.

"So what _are_ we going to do?" Caitlin asked. What could they possibly do to stop a time traveling certified genius who'd been fooling _everyone_ for the better part of two decades? It seemed an almost insurmountable task, stopping a man with knowledge of the future, and she could see no clear path to stopping Wells.

Biting his lip, Barry took a tentative step forward. He hated himself for even contemplating the thought, but it seemed the only obvious choice, to flush Wells out and reveal to the whole world who and what he truly was. "I think... I think I have a _really_ bad idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, guys, there is an explanation for _everything_. It will all make sense in time, I promise. As for the name change, Fiona Webb was Barry's fiance in the comics, after Iris' "death". With a wave of my magic keyboard, the gender gets changed and we now have one Mr. Finn Webb. I had considered pulling a random name out of my ass, but I figured it was best to stick with something at least sort of resembling actual canon.
> 
> Also, I feel I should tell you that I don't know when the next update will be coming. Real life got real crazy real quick and making it un-crazy is gonna be _real hard_. I was in the middle of doing the final edit for this and writing a one-shot for another fandom when it happened, so now that this is posted and the other fic is almost done, it might be a while before the next chapter is up. From the bottom of my heart, I _do_ apologize to you all, but I wanted you to know what was what, and not just leave you all hanging for an extended period of time, thinking I'd forgotten about you.


	19. I'm Not Afraid (Because I'm Not Alone)

Joe stood off to the side of the desk in the precinct lobby, pretending to be preoccupied with looking over the paperwork for a case he and Eddie had pulled a few weeks previous. Some run of the mill job that for once had nothing to do with metas that they'd been able to close fairly quickly. All that was left was finalizing the reports before they were filed in the system, but Joe was making a show of it so he could surreptitiously watch Eddie without raising any questions.

After Cisco's little stint in la-la land the night before, where he'd dropped the bomb about Wells' true identity, before having to relive Wells killing him, Joe had become Eddie's shadow since they'd come in that morning. So far, he hadn't done anything that would be considered out of the ordinary, but Joe still couldn't shake the feeling that something was definitely not right about the situation. _He says his name is_ _Eobard Thawne_. The words, and all that they implied, had been playing in his head since he'd heard them, gnawing at him incessantly as he tried to make heads or tails of it.

"For real?"

Only years of training under intense pressure had kept him startling at the unexpected admonition. Joe swiveled his head around to see Barry standing behind him, arms folded across his chest and an expression of utmost exasperation on his face. From within the bullpen, he wouldn't have been spotted spying on Eddie by anyone, but coming through the lobby, it was more than obvious, if you knew what you were looking for.

He sighed and closed the jacket on the case papers he was supposedly engrossed in with a snap. "Don't look at me like that. After what Cisco remembered about Wells, you _cannot_ blame me for this."

"Oh, yes I can." Barry moved in closer, to afford them some semblance of privacy in the busy lobby and lowered his voice to a dangerous murmur. "All these suspicions of yours, it's what ended my relationship with Eddie the first time around and now that we've just gotten back together, I won't let you do it to him, or me, again."

"My _suspicions_ are what put me on Wells' case in the first place, and I'm not so convinced that I wasn't right about Eddie, too." Joe pointed a finger at Barry. "And you can't stand there and tell me that you don't think the same thing when you heard what Cisco said."

Barry scoffed at him. "Of course I did. For about a _nanosecond._ " When Cisco had said Wells' real name, his heart had leapt into his throat, every awful scenario about their unknown connection playing in his head like a horror film. For the briefest of moments, Barry had doubted Eddie, leaving him shaken and feeling guilty after the moment had passed. "Then I remembered that Eddie's never done _anything_ to ever made me think he isn't exactly who he says he is."

"Just like Wells?" Joe countered, making Barry scowl darkly. "Are you honestly going to tell me that you think it's just a... big coincidence? Because Thawne's not what you'd call a common last name and the two of them showing up in this city, showing up in _your_ life, at damn near the exact same time, that's _not_ a coincidence."

"Wells came here fourteen years ago. If they _were_ working together, that means Eddie would have been _fifteen_ when Wells killed my mom and the real Harrison Wells. Do you really think he recruited a teenager to his cause? And only had him transfer from Keystone a few weeks before the accelerator exploded, instead of, I dunno... planting him here _way_ before that?"

"That's assuming Eddie really is who he says he is. C'mon, Barry, with all this time travel nonsense and discovering that body, you have to accept the possibility that maybe they've been lying to you and that they're _both_ from the future."

"Then why the last name? Why would he go by Thawne if he were trying to hide their connection?" Joe started to speak, but Barry railroaded right over him. "If he was a plant, why would he break up with me? Wouldn't keeping me close to him be his ultimate priority? Did they hire an actress to play his mom?" Barry hadn't met her yet but Iris had, when he and Eddie had still been broken up. He'd spoken to her a few times on the phone, when Eddie called her to check in and catch up. He only knew what she looked like from family photos and the resemblance was uncanny. "Or is she from the future, too?"

"Have they been directing my whole love life so I would fall in love with Eddie, on the off chance I wouldn't have met anyone worth staying with by the time we first met? What if I'd had a thing for redheads instead of blondes? If Wells wanted Eddie to get closer to me, why did originally he side with you about the two of us dating? What it, what if, why, why, why? Too many variables make the premise implausible."

"English, please."

Barry rubbed at his temples in irritation, trying to wrangle his thoughts so he could explain them to Joe in a more simplistic way. "...It means there's just too much left to chance and sheer dumb luck for it to be believable that Eddie and Wells have been working together this whole time. Think like a cop and not like a concerned, overly paranoid and protective father. You work backwards from the evidence you have. You have to be able to answer all the questions the evidence presents to come to the correct conclusion. If there's more questions surrounding the evidence than there are answers, you wouldn't have a case and defense would eat you alive in front of a jury."

"Okay then, D.A. Allen, explain to me how this is _all_ just a coincidence." Joe drummed his fingers on the desk, an expectant look on his face as he waited to hear Barry's side of the argument.

"That's just it... by their very definition, coincidences _can't_ be explained. He and I've been together long enough and you've been partners with him for even longer. You suspected Wells was up to something right from the get-go, but you were only worried about what Eddie would do if he found out I was the Flash. Everyone here _loves_ Eddie. Even the assholes who make fun of him for being a super cop. But Wells has done nothing but burn bridges since the car accident, alienating his friends and has lied to everyone he's ever met for his own ends. The two of them are as different as night and day. Maybe they are related, however distantly, but they're _not_ the same and they _aren't_ in on this together."

"So you're basing this belief on what, you're gut instinct? Even though that same instinct misled you on Wells?"

Barry had _always_ known there was something off about Wells, but in his _naïvety_ , he'd chalked it up to everything that made most all geniuses and world-changers different from everyone else, what made them unable to connect on one level or another to their peers, co-workers and families. Being the weird, nerdy kid himself, Barry had understood that, but he'd mistakenly allowed it to blind him from the truth.

But there was no mistaking the pain of betrayal in Eddie's eyes when he'd told him about his powers. Or the sheer joy and relief in his eyes when they'd finally made up after so many months apart. The smile on his face when he told Eddie he loved him, the bubbling laughter meant just for him when they were lying in bed together, there was no misinterpreting what they meant. Without a shadow of a doubt, Eddie loved him, with all of his heart.

And if Wells had taught them anything over the last year, it was that love like that truly couldn't be faked. Wells, in his own twisted, psychotic way, had become fond of him and Cisco and Caitlin, even though his ultimate purpose was to be their undoing. It was why he still had such a hard time reconciling who Wells really was with who he had believed him to be, because Wells' feelings bled through when he was encouraging Barry to push himself to the limits, or advising Caitlin on whatever concoction she was cooking up to stop their meta of the week, or telling Cisco that despite his missteps, he should never ever hold back on his creative talents. That fondness was what made his betrayal of their trust all the worse, because they'd all believed that he cared about them. That belief had cost them all a beloved mentor, and in Cisco's case, his very life.

Eddie, however, was always genuine with his emotions and wore his heart on his sleeve. All he wanted was to be a good person, a good detective, and an even better boyfriend. He wanted a nice house in the suburbs, complete with a white picket fence and two point five kids. It was how Barry knew he could vouch for Eddie until he was blue in the face, because his motives weren’t buried under mountains of lies and subtext.

"Yes. Yes, I am." He said with unwavering certainty. "And _that_ should be enough to convince you, too."

Joe's eyes searched Barry's face, who was staring right back at him, as if daring him to come up with anything else, real or imagined, that would contradict the utmost faith he had in Eddie. Seeing the determined set of his jaw, Joe nodded his head solemnly in a show of solidarity. He'd resolved himself to trusting Barry more as they went deeper down the rabbit's hole, to let him take the reins when it came to his life, and wouldn't go back on his word now. _Think like a cop, not like a father._

Eddie had never intentionally or unintentionally hurt Barry, Iris, or anyone else he'd ever come into contact with while on the job. In the age of dirty cops and police brutality, Eddie always strove to be the exception to the rule. Before Joe had taken him on as a partner, he'd gone through his file from Keystone. He'd been a good beat cop, even though he'd been like every other rookie, rushing headlong into danger, convinced they were invincible. _Reckless_ had been the term his previous OIC had used.

He'd matured on his path to detective, though he kept trying to be a super cop, as the guys around the station called him. But that maturity hadn't stopped Eddie from willingly thrown himself into the line of fire to protect Barry from Snart. As far as Joe knew, Wells had never done the same when it came down to the wire, offering up his own life for Barry's, and that fact alone spoke volumes.

If Barry believed that Eddie's heretofore unknown relation to Wells was merely a coincidence, and that his character and allegiances were unimpeachable, then Joe believed it, too. "I suppose you're right." He conceded with a sigh. "I'm just... I'm," _Scared, terrified of losing your or Iris to Wells, absolutely frightened of what could happen if we're too late at finding another snake in the grass_ , "worried about this plan of yours and how it could all go wrong, and I guess it’s just making me tilt at windmills."

Barry managed a small half-smile, relieved that he'd been able to reason with Joe and glad that he'd been able to admit that he was wrong. "It's okay to be worried. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried, too. But at the moment, we have bigger things to worry about than this _particular_ windmill." Clapping Joe on the shoulder, he turned and walked into the bullpen, moving directly toward Eddie's desk.

He perked up when he saw him coming, a smile spreading across his face. "Hey, Bar, what's up?”

“Nothing much… you had lunch yet?”

“As a matter of fact, I was just about to finish up and head out. What are you in the mood for?” Eddie asked, turning to his computer to close out the documents he’d been working on.

“Something ridiculously unhealthy. The greasier, the better. Followed by an ungodly amount of chocolate.” He was going to need all the energy he could get, if he wanted to successfully outsmart Wells, and pigging out on what essentially amounted to a heart attack on a plate seemed the best way to go about it.

Eddie’s eyes sparkled with mirth. “It’s like you’re reading my mind.”

“I keep telling you, you’re _not_ a psychic, and neither am I. One superpower is bad enough, I don’t need you piling on more.”

A faux pout marred his features, Eddie stood up and grabbed his jacket. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re absolutely no fun whatsoever?”

Barry’s retort was a sly, Cheshire grin. “That wasn’t what you said the other night.”

His cheeks reddened considerably and he cleared his throat. “I don’t recall the incident you’re referring to.” He replied flatly, sliding into his jacket and smoothing it down to hide the bulge of his holster.

“Liar.” Barry teased, though he felt a pang in his chest when he said it. For all that Barry had defended Eddie to Joe, he still hadn’t told Eddie what they’d learned about Wells from Cisco’s dream. In his defense, though, he couldn’t really think of a good way to tell Eddie that Wells was in fact some distant relation from the future. It wasn’t the kind of thing you just brought up in casual conversation, and it needed to be handled with grace and aplomb. Until he actually found the right time to sit Eddie down and break the news to him, it was another thing he was holding back on. Again.

“Well then,” Eddie said, pulling Barry out of his reverie, “allow me to make amends for my regrettable oversight by feeding you something guaranteed to clog your arteries and take ten years off your life.”

Barry sidled up beside Eddie, looping arm around him, hand settling on his hip. “You say _amends_ , but it sounds like a form of murder.”

“Aren’t all the best things essentially a murder? _Kill them with kindness_ , _death by chocolate_ , _lethal seduction_.”

“Now it sounds like you’re outlining a game plan.” When Eddie arched a brow questioningly, Barry leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “ _Kindly_ taking me out to lunch, promising me _dessert_ afterward… should I be mentally preparing myself for a nooner before the lunch hour is over?”

Eddie snorted loudly. “Perv.”

“That wasn't a _no_.”

“Come on, you filthy degenerate, before I kick your ass in front of everybody.” He tugged Barry out of the bullpen, his fellow officers and detectives giving them knowing looks as they passed. Even if it ended up only being a purely innocent lunch, the precinct, being populated by nothing but gossipy teenagers, would still assume otherwise. They’d wink at the two of them when they got back and make a few comments loaded with innuendo, as if none of them had ever done the exact same thing when the opportunity presented itself.

They passed Joe as they headed toward the elevators and Eddie offered him a smile. “Hey, Joe, we’re going out to get lunch. You want us to bring something back for you?”

Joe paused in answering him, looking at Eddie like he was just now seeing him for the first time. Or perhaps he was finally seeing him the way Barry saw him, a good, kindhearted person thrown into extraordinary circumstances by mere coincidence alone. He wasn't the only one who could relate to that, as it seemed that the whole of Team Flash had been subject to the same fate, thanks to Dr. Wells.

Cisco had unleashed a villain on Central City, thanks to the cold gun he'd invented to stop Barry. The misstep didn't mean he deserved to be stashed away in the pipeline. Caitlin had been Wells's biggest supporter, questioning them at every step of their investigation, worried about them potentially ruining the man's life, and Joe had never once thought that maybe her blind faith had been because she was an accomplice of his. Being related to someone who had lied and killed his way into all their lives didn't mean Eddie was a bad guy, and he'd been undeserving of such suspicion, especially when he'd been so lenient with everyone else. He'd been asked to give Eddie the benefit of the doubt, just as he'd done with Cisco and Caitlin in their various transgressions.

"Thanks, but no. I should be good." He said with a quixotic note to his voice. "You two have fun."

"All right," Eddie said, almost hesitatingly, "I'll catch up with you later." With a wave of his hand, he and Barry continued on to the elevators. The doors opened to reveal a thankfully empty car and they got in. Barry pressed the button for the main lobby and when they started moving, Eddie cleared his throat. "So what was _that_ about?"

Sighing in exasperation, Barry squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I'll tell you later... Right now, I need to drown in a vat of grease."

 

*~*~*

 

After Cisco proudly showed off his changes to the electronic barrier -and Barry was left rubbing his head from his painful demonstration that the barrier worked- Joe motioned surreptitiously to Eddie. Cisco was showing Caitlin and Barry the specs of the barrier on his laptop, the flow of technical jargon between the three of them leaving him and Eddie looking at each other like Neanderthals. Joe cocked his head to the side and together, they stepped out of the room, enough so they could talk privately, but not so far that they were out of earshot from the others.

"What's wrong?" Eddie asked and Joe shook his head. 

"No, it's nothing like that. I need a favor from you... and you might not like it."

Furrowing his brow, Eddie stared at him in confusion. "Okay... so what's the favor?"

"When all this is going down, I don't want Iris here. But I don't want her out there by herself, either."

"No. No way. This is _too_ important to Barry and I won't leave him to deal with alone. Besides, Iris can take care of herself."

"Normally, I'd agree with you, much as it pains me to admit, but not against this. Not against Wells. He already threatened Iris once, when I first started looking into him. If this goes sideways and he makes good on his threats, I need someone I trust to be there watching her back."

He snorted derisively. "I'm glad that you trust me, but what do you honestly expect me to do against Wells? In case you've forgotten, Barry kicked my ass when we went toe to toe. And Wells is _faster_ than him. How much better do you think I'll fare in a fight with him?"

"I'm not counting on you to fight him, I'm counting on you to protect my daughter. Keep her out in the open, with lots of people around. Safety in numbers, right? So far, Wells has done his damnedest to keep the Reverse-Flash away from public consumption, and I'm sure revealing himself in front of half of Central City after all these years isn't on his agenda. And if you don't hear back from us, you can call in reinforcements. Ronnie and Dr. Stein, hell, even Oliver, if it comes down to it."

They both knew that the Arrow was out of commission, after the now infamously viral televised stand-off he'd had with the SCPD, but Oliver wasn't the type to abandon his friends when they needed him.

"If not him, I'm sure the other masks he runs with will help pitch in. And hell, if it comes down to it, tell Singh and everyone else at CCPD what's been going on since the explosion. We're gonna need a back-up plan, and right now, you're the only one I can think of." And it wasn't just because Wells was somehow related to Eddie and Joe thought that relation could be worked in their favor, if came down to them needing some leverage. No, this was Joe proving to Barry that he trusted him, by trusting Eddie with one of the things he cared for most in the world, Iris.

"I hate to just drop it on you like this, but if you're willing..."

He admit to admit that it was a decent plan. It didn't mean that wanted Barry to face Wells by himself though. Their face-off would be the culmination of everything he'd done over the last fourteen years, working tirelessly to get justice for his mother and father, and it pained him to even think of not being there to see Barry succeed. But Joe was putting Iris' well-being in his hands, along with the well-being of the entire city, should the unthinkable happen and he _did_ end up being their last line of defense.

It was a lot of responsibility, but Eddie had never been one to shrink in the face of such a burden. The whole point of being an officer of the law was putting service before self, and he had a duty to protect the city and the civilians in it, which included Iris. Wells was putting her and Central City at risk and Eddie very well couldn't break his oaths by saying no to Joe. Barry had his own mission, and it seemed that now, he had his own.

"Yeah." He said around a sigh, hand rubbing at his chin. He then straightened and spoke with a little more conviction. "Yes, I can do it. You know I'll always do my best to keep Iris safe." Eddie then deflated a bit, looking at Joe warily. "Does Barry know about this?"

"... Not exactly. He's thinking in absolutes right now and failure probably hasn't even crossed his mind yet."

"And I'm sure you'd appreciate it if _I_ was the one to break the news to him that I'm now Plan B."

"Here I was thinking you got that detective's badge out of a cereal box." Joe said with a chuckle. "But no, as much as I'd enjoy not taking the heat on this one, he'd still find a way to rip me a new one.  So we might as well do it as partners."

A smile spread across Eddie's face, not exactly happy that he'd have to drop this on Barry's already overfull lap, but glad that Joe was going to do it with him. His partnership with Joe was just as important to him as his relationship with Barry, and after the breakup with Barry had put immense strains on their partnership, it was gratifying to know that Joe had faith in him to get the job done right. He nodded and took a step back toward the door. "You know they haven't put good prizes like that in cereal boxes for nearly twenty years now, right?"

Walking back into the bunker with him, Joe side-eyed Eddie. "That your way of calling me old?"

"No, sir." Eddie replied, dutifully keeping his gaze straight forward. "Just saying you're woefully behind the times."

"Uh-huh. Just wait until you're my age and some smartass, hot shot detective comes along to make _your_ life a living hell. Let's see you crack wise then."

"Oh, I will. And I'll make sure to tell you all about them when we come to visit you at the retirement home."

The quip caught Joe by surprise, and it wasn't the implication that one day he might be so old that he'd be forced into some care facility. No, it was the assured way Eddie said _we_ , that he was already planning to be Barry's life long enough to see Joe into retirement and beyond. It was such an unconscious, genuine statement that there was no way it could have been faked or forced, and any lingering doubts he might have still had about Eddie's loyalties had been completely obliterated by it. He placed a hand on Eddie's shoulder and gave it a fatherly squeeze. Before they rejoined the others, Joe used the hold to stop Eddie a few paces back. His grip tightened and he held up a stern finger.

"Never forget... I will never be so old that I can't beat you with my cane."

Having heard the exact same warning tone from Henry -as well as felt the same iron-handed grip- Eddie quickly nodded his head. "Loud and clear, sir. I won't forget. Assuming Barry doesn't kill us first for this contingency plan of yours."

Hearing his name, Barry perked his head up and looked at the two of them in confusion. Having been caught, Joe smiled weakly at him and Eddie half-heartedly waved at him, but neither of them moved to actually fill him in on what they had planned.

"After you, hot shot." Joe all but stage-whispered.

"Age before beauty, old man." Eddie replied, not caring if the jab meant being assigned to scut work for the next decade.

Joe leveled a glare on him that could have melted solid steel, but eventually released Eddie's shoulder. He walked over to Barry, pulling him aside so they could drop a cold dose of reality on him, leaving Eddie to suck in a breath, mentally girding himself for the ensuing fallout.

 

* * *

 

"This sense of foreboding really sucks, you know that, right?" Iris peeked up at Eddie, who looked torn between agreeing with her to get the weight off his chest and saying nothing, so as not worry either of them even more than they already were. "But looming danger aside, it's been a fun night..." She continued on, thinking it was best to keep with the ruse, so Eddie would unclench, if only for a moment. "I can't remember the last we got a chance to hang out."

"Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?" He said, glancing around before guiding Iris to the bridge that spanned the river. It was dark but there were still plenty of people out and about enjoying the mild spring evening, enough that he thought they'd be safe. It had been his main concern the whole evening, since he'd picked Iris up from the house a few hours earlier. Eddie had planned the whole night around being in a crowd, from going to dinner at a restaurant during the evening rush, ensuring they'd be surrounded at all times, to taking her out to a bar for after-dinner drinks that was hosting a live show and had been completely packed to the teeth.

For dessert, Eddie had treated her to ice cream cones at the most popular soft-serve stand in Central City and they were now walking off their meal, several beers and their dessert. He'd kept them to busy thoroughfares and footpaths along the river, mindful to stay under the streetlights as they went. He'd taken to checking his phone every twenty minutes or so as the evening progressed, but so far, there hadn't been any news. Eddie's eyes found S.T.A.R. Labs as they made their way over the bridge, shining brilliantly against the darkened skyline. He wondered what was going on inside and his gloomy thoughts must have shown on his face, because Iris pressed herself against him, looping their arms together.

"I'm enjoying this stroll..." She said with a faint smile on her lips. "I think we needed a good stroll."

Eddied shook his head, a soft laugh escape his lips. "How can you be so calm, when there's a good chance that..." He motioned toward S.T.A.R. Labs off in the distance, the cheerful blue glow of the building seeming to mock him with its very presence.

"Oh, trust me when I say that I'm at my wit's end. But I know Barry. He's _this_ close to getting everything he's wanted for his parents and there's no way he's gonna let the chance slip through his fingers. Doesn't mean I'm not scared shitless for him, but I have faith that he's gonna win."

"I just wish I was there with him." Eddie sighed and came to a stop on the bridge. Getting out of the way of the sparse foot traffic, he led Iris over to the railing and they stared out across the river. "I can't help but think that something's gone wrong and that I need to be there." Barry hadn't been pleased with Joe's backup plan -not exactly keen on them preparing for him to fail- and there was a moment when he'd been sure Barry was imagining how difficult it would be to skin two grown adults alive, but in the end, he'd capitulated to their logic.

Iris leaned her head on Eddie's shoulder. "How do you think _I_ feel? I've basically been relegated to damsel status."

Eddie choked out a disbelieving laugh. In all the time he'd known Iris, he'd never once thought of her as some sort of shrinking violet or the kind of woman who just waited around to be saved. She maintained a strong bearing through all the craziness they waded through on a near daily basis, and when it came down to the matter of being saved, if she wasn't doing it herself, she was at least lending a hand to the process. Or a well-placed right hook. "Well, you may not be a damsel but in this, I don't think you'd be able to lay out Wells like you did Woodward or Bates or Tockman. No offense."

She snorted at the mental image of herself trying to sucker punch the Reverse Flash. "None taken. Believe me, I know I wouldn't stand a chance against him, no matter how much I wish I could be there helping Barry." They stood there in contemplative silence for several moments, eyes riveted on S.T.A.R. Labs, as if waiting to see any sign of life from within.

When nothing happened, Iris lifted her head up and looked at Eddie. "But can you imagine what it's gonna be like, once Barry gets his dad out of prison?" A smile crept across her face and Eddie found himself mirroring it.

"So he can be around to threaten me _all_ the time for dating his son?" He asked wryly, thinking of how miserable he'd be with Henry _and_ Joe hovering over him, reminding him of how easily they could make him disappear if he hurt Barry.

Iris laughed at him, and quickly covered her mouth with a hand when Eddie narrowed his eyes at her. "Sorry." She mumbled between her fingers. He'd told her about his first meeting with Henry, after the Trickster had taken him hostage and she'd laughed in his face then as well. "That's just his sense of humor. Don't worry, though, you'll get used to it. Maybe... hopefully." She continued grinning, but became suddenly wistful when she thought about being around Henry once more, having him back in hers and Barry's lives. She glanced back out at the river. "He had the _worst_ dad jokes ever, but I still always loved going over to Barry's house as a kid."

Eddie had never really heard about Barry's childhood, at least not before Nora's murder. As much as he wanted to know more about Barry's parents, Barry didn't like to talk about it, and it didn't feel right to press him on the issue, to make him relive how happy he'd been before tragedy had struck. For all intents and purposes, the Barry he knew and loved hadn't come into existence until after the man in yellow had upended his life. Eddie peered eagerly down at Iris, almost anxious as he waited for her to go on. "Oh, yeah?" 

"Yeah. After my mom left, I spent as much time as I could over there and Nora didn't care that I always wanted to sleep over. I wanted so badly to have a normal family again, and Nora understood that. My dad was worried about me but Henry told him that I was always welcome in their house." She let out a heavy breath through her nose. "Those were some of the best years of my life. I loved Barry's parents like they were my own and Henry used to joke about how if me and Barry got married, they really _would_ be my parents. Of course, we were young enough that we thought it was gross, but I also kinda thought that if we did, I'd have my normal family back. But then Nora was murdered and Barry came to live with us...

Trailing off, her eyes met Eddie's once more. "He became part of _my_ family, instead of the other way around. And now..."

"And what, you afraid that Henry will come along and take him back?"

" _No_! I would _never_..." Eddie just arched a brow and Iris rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe I am, just a _little_." She held up her hand, her thumb and index finger a hairsbreadth apart. "It's not that I _don't_ want Henry to get out of prison. I love him and I know how important it is to Barry to have his dad back."

" _But_...?"

"But I don't know! I feel awful for even thinking it, but it's like he'll get Henry back and they'll go back to being a family! And what used to be me and my dad and Barry will go back to just being me and my dad."

It was a serious moment, Iris laying out her emotions and deepest fears for him to see, and it should have been met with a serious attitude, but Eddie couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping. It bubbled into outright laughter. The glare Iris leveled on him promised a swift, brutal murder but Eddie was unable to help himself. He took a step back and tried to clear his head with a hard shake.

"I'm sorry," He said after a second, though his grin stayed firmly plastered where it was, "I shouldn't have laughed at you, I really shouldn't have."

"Then why are you?" Iris asked, crossing her arms over her chest angrily.

"Because it's _funny_! Honestly, it is! You're afraid of losing Barry, but you forget just how important family is to him. His whole life, everything he's ever created for himself has been to save his father. And he couldn't have done that without you and Joe. Your dad never once believed Barry when he swore his father was innocent, but he believed in Barry enough to support his dreams of going into science. And you were there to support him when no one else was, when people thought he was crazy and that his obsession with the weird was going to end with him shacked up in the whacko-basket. His _family_ was there for him and his family was what got him to _this_ moment, right now. So do you really think that after all he's been through getting his father freed that he's going to forget who helped him do it?"

Chagrined, Iris ducked her head. Eddie _did_ have a point. Barry would never just up and leave them. It wasn't in his nature and she felt foolish for ever being afraid that he would. "No..." She peeked up at him. "But you forgot to include yourself in all this. Even after everything you guys have been through, you were always there for him, just like we have."

"Oh, I haven't forgotten. And if all goes according to plan..." He hesitated for a second to tell Iris about what he had in mind, but the urge to get it off his chest won out. "Your family is about to get a bit bigger." Face lighting up like a kid's at Christmas, Eddie reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a small black velvet box.

Iris' eyes widened comically, her mouth falling open in surprise. " _Oh, my God_..." She glanced around wildly, checking to see if there was anyone around who would think that he was proposing to her, but the traffic on the bridge was gone, leaving just them. He then cracked open the box, the streetlights reflecting off a key nestled in the box. Iris blinked.

"I thought you were going to show me an engagement ring."

"I, uh... I thought it best if I asked Barry to move in with me first, before I popped the question. Why, do you think I should have gotten a ring instead? We only just got back together and I thought it would be too soon..." He frowned, nervously second guessing himself. They practically lived together already, as things had gone back to the way they used to be after they'd gotten back together. His apartment was bigger, so Barry stayed over every night, only going back to his place for clean clothes and to check his mail. They worked together, they fought metas together... he _should_ have just bought a ring and made official the life they already had together. "I can _get_ a ring."

Reaching up with her hands, Iris grabbed Eddie by the face. "Breathe in..." He stared at her for a second before doing as she told him and once he was calm, Iris offered him a smile. "Ring, key ring, I'm sure whatever you choose-"

There was a violent rush of wind, followed by a burst of electricity and suddenly, Eddie was just _gone_. A streak of red lightning cut through the night, leaving an afterimage in Iris' eyes. "Eddie! _Eddie!!_ " She screamed at the top of her lungs, heart hammering in her chest as cold realization hit her. _Barry failed. They couldn't stop Wells. They failed. He has Eddie, oh God, what am I going to do?!_

Mind reeling, hot tears began spilling down her cheeks and she ran her hands through her hair frantically. Everything her dad had ever taught her through the years about keeping cool during an emergency went right out the window and she thought she might collapse from the sheer enormity of what had just happened. Eddie was supposed to be their backup. If Barry couldn't stop Wells, he was the one who was supposed to bring in the cavalry. And if he was gone...

Iris ripped her phone out of her pocket and went into her contacts to find Singh's number. It had come down to her to sound the alarms and like Eddie, she wouldn’t balk at the responsibility, not when her family, her friends and her _city_ were on the line. But before she could put the call through, the wind kicked up again. Barry appeared in front of her, clad in his speed suit and overjoyed to see him alive, Iris launched herself into his arms.

"Christ, Barry! I thought you were dead!" She sucked in a shuddering breath before roughly pushing him back. Iris stared up at him with wild eyes. "Wells! He _took_ Eddie!"

Barry's world momentarily went black. It was if someone had simply flipped a switch in his brain, shutting everything down. When his brain finally rebooted, a blood red veil dropped over his vision. He'd been chasing after Wells, think that if he couldn't catch him, he could at least find out where he was holing up. But when the path had led them over the bridge, where Iris had been standing alone, Barry had thought Eddie had gone running off to alert the cavalry, thinking the trap had failed. The thought of Eddie being kidnapped by Wells made his blood boil.

"I promise I will get him back." He said angrily. If it was the last thing he _ever_ did, he’d make sure he rescued Eddie from Wells’ clutches. “But right now, I need you get to S.T.A.R. Labs, okay?”

Iris hesitated for a second, startled by how the whites of Barry’s eyes crackled with yellow streaks of electricity. She swallowed thickly at the sight of his naked rage. “What happened, Barry?” She asked, wondering how the elaborate trap they’d set up for him had led to their chase through Central City.

Grabbing her hand, Barry squeezed it as gently as he could manage. “Get to S.T.A.R. Labs.” He repeated. “Your dad will explain everything.”

“Barry,” Iris protested, but he ignored her in favor of running after Wells, the alacrity of his exit sending a static shock through her hand. She winced and shook her hand in the air to help dissipate the small jolt of pain. Watching Barry’s lightning trail disappear into the night, Iris turned on her heel and ran back across the bridge, fear, doubt and a barrage of questions burning in her mind as she made her own mad dash.

It made no sense for Wells to take Eddie. Yes, he was Barry’s ultimate weak point, but Wells had been at S.T.A.R. Labs, where he could have just as easily grabbed Cisco, Caitlin, or her father, before making a run for it. It would have been the more practical option, instead of wasting precious time and energy to track Eddie down to take him hostage. So it begged the question, why did Wells was want Eddie specifically?

Once she was off the bridge, Iris immediately headed to the road to flag down a taxi. They had taken Eddie’s car out that night, and Iris didn’t have the super speed and stamina to run the few miles to S.T.A.R. Labs. When one finally stopped for her, she clambered into the back and all but shouted her destination at the poor man driving. Iris pulled out her phone once more and dialed her dad. Lifting the phone to ear, she listened to it ring, thoughts still swirling.

What would a future man need with a seemingly random person from the past?

The answer hit Iris so hard that she gasped out loud. She could vaguely hear her dad calling her name from other end of the line, but in her stunned state, she could only gape silently as the revelation took hold.

 

*~*~*

 

Eddie came to by degrees, his ears picking up the details of his surroundings before he ever opened his eyes. He could hear his own stilted breathing, just under the sound of someone moving around in his general vicinity, their tinkering about echoing off thick concrete walls.

It was _that_ thought that had him prying his eyes opening. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision of the blurry haze, and once he had reoriented himself to his current situation, he took stock. Nothing felt bruised or broken, though he could feel pins and needles in his hands and feet, where the rope tying him to the chair had been secured a little _too_ tightly. Eddie struggled half-heartedly against them, just to test how much they would give if he made a serious attempt to escape. The answer was not at all, which meant he’d have to find an external means of getting free of his bonds.

Craning his head around to see what his limited options were, Eddie saw the Reverse Flash, eyes glowing a menacing red as they stared him down. Groaning as it all came rushing back to him –Iris, the bridge, the tiny velvet box in his hands, _Jesus, where had it ended up?_ \- Eddie rolled his eyes.

“You might as well take off the mask.” He rumbled condescendingly. “I know damn well who you are, or whoever you claim to be.”

Not needing to be told twice, Wells slid the mask of his face, the red of his eyes fading to a normal color as the charade was dropped. He grinned a wide, manic grin. “Well then, I suppose it’s time I made a proper introduction. My name is Eobard.” He paused for a moment, deliberately heightening the tension for dramatic effect. His grin became even more maniacal. “Eobard Thawne.”

A river of ice snaked down Eddie's spine, and despite the warm, heavy air, he felt his skin prickle with goosebumps. His throat went dry, making his voice crack as he replied. “Why… why do you have my name?”

“What, didn't they tell you?" A sarcastic expression of surprise colored his features. "Of course not. They never tell you anything. But _I_ will. The reason I have your name is because we’re _family_ , Eddie.” He said it like he was sharing the meaning behind some favorite inside joke.

“That’s funny… I certainly don’t remember seeing you at the last family reunion.” Not that he went to the Thawne family reunions anymore, but that really didn’t seem relevant at the moment.

Wells actually laughed at that, the sound sending another wave of ice water crashing over Eddie. “That _is_ funny. And the reason it’s so funny is because as far as the distinguished Thawne family is concerned, I haven’t been born yet.”

It delighted him to watch Eddie try and puzzle out the meaning of the statement. It was like introducing a caveman to the concept of a flame thrower seconds after he’d just discovered fire. He swore he could almost see the light bulb splutter to life behind Eddie’s eyes when he eventually put two and two together.

Though Barry, Cisco and Caitlin were considered geniuses by the current century's standards, to Wells, they were still light years behind him, and being around them was akin to babysitting incredibly bright toddlers. Next to Eddie, however, the three of them might as well have been revolutionary visionaries sweeping in a new era of human knowledge and understanding. It almost made him miss them. Almost.

“So that’s why you didn’t kill me that night at S.T.A.R. Labs.” Eddie said, an expression of abject horror dawning on his face. Wells was able to sympathize with him on that, as he’d experienced something similar fourteen years ago. It wasn’t every day you realized you’d been responsible for screwing _everything_ up.

“What does that make me to you then?” He asked bitterly and Wells saw the horror shift into something resembling anger and pain. Wells remembered that Barry hadn’t exactly shared his true identity with Eddie. Barry, Caitlin, Cisco and Joe knew of their familial relation, but Eddie and Iris hadn’t been brought into the fold on that aspect. Just another devastating secret in a long line of secrets. If there was one thing Barry was good at, it was keeping secrets. It was why it had taken even a genius like him so long to find out who the Flash really was. It seemed that singular ability had been the bane of more than one Thawne. And to think that he’d actually once been scared of Barry’s relationship with Eddie…

Wells smirked wickedly and Eddie shivered. “That makes you my _insurance_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be chock full of answers! Answers and exposition and cluster bombs of _moar answers_! Basically, the reveal of everything that has been rattling around in my skull since I started this venture back in February!


	20. Dance With The Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one covers _Grodd Lives_ and most of _Rogue Air_ , for a number of reasons. The biggest being ANSWERS. The second being that most of _Grodd Lives_ dealt with Iris finding out that Barry was the Flash. As that is a non-issue here, it didn't make the cut. Also, the fight between Barry and Grodd was amazeballs and I feel that I would not do it justice by covering it. Third, as entertaining as _Rogue Air_ was, logic-wise, it was ridiculous. So I decided to give most of it a wide berth. I just don't want there to be any confusion, so this is going to jump around the relevant events in these two episodes. Enjoy, and as always, feel free to point and laugh at any spelling errors I've made. I'm a big girl, I can take it.
> 
> Also, I apologize for the delay. _Again_. I've been splitting focus between the real world, this and a one-shot for Thallen Week at the end of the month. Hopefully this extra long chapter will make up for it.

Eddie was bored.

It was an awful, asinine thing to think, after being taken hostage by your supposedly future descendant and unceremoniously strapped to a chair in a dank concrete bunker, but it was the truth. The one thing they never showed on TV and in the movies was the long down time cops spent on stakeouts, and the endless hours hostages spent with nothing but their thoughts as they awaited rescue. Wells had left him alone hours ago, off to go finish the planning stage of whatever nefarious deed he had planned against Barry, and after fruitlessly attempting once more to free himself from his bonds –ignoring his rumbling stomach all the while- Eddie was simply _bored_.

At first, he'd tried keeping his mind busy by thoroughly scoping the place out. There was only the one exit, which wasn't helpful in the slightest, and the vent in the ceiling wouldn't even fit a small child, let alone a full grown man. There were tools on Wells' work station that he could use to cut through his bonds, but the odds of actually getting over to it weren't all that high. His feet were strapped low to the chair legs, the ropes around his ankles preventing any movement, which meant finagling himself onto his feet to hunch-walk over to the station was out.

At best, an attempt to somehow scoot the chair across the bunker would cause him to tip over and break something, leaving him to lie there like an awkward turtle until Wells returned. At worst, he'd tip over wrong and break his neck. He was well and truly stuck until either Barry found him or Wells released him. Considering how long that could take, he was hoping for the former.

So Eddie did the only thing he could while stuck alone with absolutely nothing to do. He began to think. If Barry hadn't found him by now, then Wells had proven himself not only to be the faster of the two, but also the smarter. It burned him as much as it must have burned Barry, because until the moment Wells had shown his true colors to them all, Eddie had always thought Barry was the smartest person he'd ever met. Sure, at times, he could also be the dumbest thing on two legs, but generally, his genius shined through.

In turning his thoughts over and over, he eventually came to terms with the fact that Barry hadn't told him about his relation to Wells. He'd gone backward in his mind, to when he'd been in the precinct elevator with Barry, on their way to grab something to eat, before everything had gone to hell. It had been after Cisco had taken his dream walk through the previous timeline, and his fatal encounter with Wells, which explained where they would have gotten the information that he and Wells were related.

He'd asked Barry what the awkward encounter with Joe had been about and Barry had said that he'd tell him later. It stood to reason that his and Wells' connection had been what Barry needed to tell him, but in his typical fashion, he'd been waiting for the _right_ time.

It was if he'd not learned his lesson the last time, that there never really was a _right_ time to expound on the sort of things they dealt with, especially things like the massive revelation that Wells was his _direct descendant_. As much as it warmed his heart that Barry was constantly worried about proper timing and the potentially negative reactions in his friends, sometimes Eddie wished his boyfriend had the kind of testicular fortitude it took to just be horribly _blunt_ about these big reveals. When it came down to it, Eddie wished Barry would have come right out and said _oh, by the way, Dr. Wells, who isn't even the real Dr. Wells, is actually your time traveling great-great-great-great-ad infinitum grandson_ , instead of holding back, waiting until he was in an emotionally healthy space and frame of mind to handle the knowledge _._

That kind of intense caring and love Barry had for his friends and family was to be commended, if it didn't always eventually lead to some kind of fallout. But you didn't just love a person for their merits, you also loved them for their flaws. It was a big, gaping flaw, but Barry had at least shown he was working to get over it by saying _I'll tell you later_. Those four words were an acknowledgment that something was going on, and it was more than he'd ever gotten before finding out Barry was the Flash, or about his accidental adventure through time, so that had to count for _something_.

Like with all things in their life, there had been bigger fish to fry, ironing out the plans for Barry's trap, and everything else had fallen by the wayside, as per usual. When he got out of this -he refused to think in _ifs_ \- Eddie was going to look Barry in the eye and tell him that the next time something like this happened, even an impersonal _text message_ would be better than not knowing at all. The rest could be figured out after the fact, just as long as he wouldn't walk into the next situation blind.

The hatch above him creaked open and Eddie tilted his head up, heart leaping into his throat for a tense second. He saw Wells making his way down the ladder and the anticipation he’d felt died a bitter death.

"I don't suppose you brought lunch." He said blithely, to cover his hopeful thought of a rescue.

Wells hit the raised platform and then jumped down the smaller ladder, coming to a stop right beside him. "Did you know..." Wells grabbed his tie and yanked on hit hard, causing Eddie to gasp. "That human beings can survive two months without food?" He fiddled with the tie for a moment, letting Eddie know without a word the harm he could do him without even trying, before finally releasing it. He calmly walked over to his work station, as though nothing had happened.

 _Keep him talking, get whatever information you can from him_. _You never know what could be useful later_. "Is that how long you're planning on keeping me here?"

"Oh, I doubt it will come to that." By his own estimates, he’d only need a couple of weeks before everything fell into place. Only a few more weeks, and all of this would be over…

Eddie watched as he began fiddling once more with the contraption at the work station. It looked like something Cisco would have whipped up for fun on one of their off days, which meant he had no hope of knowing what purpose Wells had in mind for it. Their team dynamic had a sort of odd split between people who created such things and people who put those things to practical use. Barry drifted between the two, but Eddie knew he himself fell into the practical category, and being a practical kind of guy, he had zero qualms about it. Didn't mean that he hadn't been monitoring its progress since he'd come to the night before, in the hopes that he would get a chance to describe it to Cisco and Barry before Wells used it against them.

"You want to tell me what we're doing down here?" He asked, taking mental notes of everything Wells was doing.

"No."

Sighing internally, Eddie swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried again. "You told me that you're from the future... that we're related." Eddie may have been able to come to terms with Barry keeping secrets, but there was no real coming to terms with _that_. It only created more questions in his mind, questions that made his head hurt if he tried coming up with answers to them. Being from the future was one thing. Being made to think he was responsible for all the bad things Wells had done over the last fourteen years, that was... a little hard to swallow.

"So _prove_ it." He wanted Wells to show his hand, to prove that he'd been lying about their relation, to misdirect everyone yet again while he continued being a step ahead of the game. It had to be a ploy, to create in-fighting that would distract them all while he put the finishing touches on his evil plan. _Watch this hand, everyone, while the other hand relieves you of your wallets and valuables_. Joe, ever the suspiciously minded detective, had been acting strange since they’d put Cisco under, so it would have been a good play, to keep them chasing their tails.

Then again, why would Wells in the previous timeline reveal such a thing about himself to a man he was going to kill. It's not like he'd thought Cisco would tell anyone, or that he'd retain memories of the day that never was. The line of reasoning made Eddie's head hurt again.

"Yeah... I don't have to prove anything. To anyone."

"Well, I think you're full of shit." Eddie said cavalierly, despite his own second-guessing, trying to goad an answer out of Wells. No way he believed he'd given birth to such a monster, and not just for the _obvious_ reasons. "And whatever you're trying to do, you're not going to get away with it, because the Flash is-"

In a heartbeat, Wells was on him, tie curled in his fist once more as his eyes blazed an angry red. " _Stop talking_."

Eddie stared at him, aghast, arms and legs straining against the ropes as his body instinctually tried to get away. He'd wanted answers, not a violent reaction and choosing discretion over valor, he immediately shut up. He nodded his head minutely, enough to get Wells to back up off him. Once Wells was satisfied, he let him go, silently marching back over to his work station.

Relief flooding through him, Eddie shook off the terror he'd felt at the sight of those red eyes. Slowly, his heart went from wildly jack-hammering against his ribs to something a bit more sedate for someone who was currently a kidnapping victim. He curled his fingers over the edge of the arms of the chair, resolving himself to finding another -less potentially lethal- way to get answers, to get Wells to slip up enough to make the mistake that would be his undoing.

 

*~*~*

 

"You know they're going to find me." Eddie called out as Wells descended the ladder down into the bunker, despite knowing he was taking a chance with running his mouth again, so soon after the last attempt. By his estimate, it had been at least four days since the night on the bridge with Iris, and nearly two days since Wells had come at him in anger. Since then, they'd established a textbook rapport as captor and captive. Eddie cooperated and kept the chatter to an absolute minimum, Wells provided him with food and didn't kill him, either by hand or slow starvation. That good behavior got his hands freed so he could feel himself and empty his bladder, which was a small favor unto itself.

The first time Wells had untied the ropes around his wrist so he could eat, Eddie had contemplated trying to escape... but before the thought had been fully formed, he realized that not only could he _not_ overpower Wells with his chest and feet still bound, he had a snowball’s chance in hell of outrunning him. So he'd quietly taken the bag of food from Big Belly Burger, presenting himself as a cowed, submissive hostage.

But the silence of being left alone had gotten to him and he risked opening his mouth, just to hear something else besides his own staggered breathing. "And you... you're not as smart as you think you are."

"Oh, really?" Wells replied, hopping off the ladder. "Because I'm a genius where I come from. Imagine how smart that makes me _here_."

"Because you're from the future?" He asked, still playing it dumb, because it seemed the only way to get Wells to open up. There was only one thing smugly intelligent people liked more than being smugly intelligent, and that was boasting about it to those they deemed lesser. Eddie had been dealing with people like Wells most of his life, those who looked down on him because of his sexuality, or because he’d been overweight for most of his childhood and teen years, or simply because they thought he’d thrown away a goldmine by not following in his father and grandfather in the world of politics.

He'd learned a long time ago not to compare himself negatively to others, especially to Barry, who was far and away the most intelligent person he’d ever dated. For better or for worse, he’d spent his life playing to his strengths, discovering what he excelled and sticking to it, and what he was good at was being a detective. He was good at getting to the bottom of a mystery and collaring the bad guy, so he decided to put his skills to work. If it meant playing the part of a dumb blonde, well... it wouldn't be the first time.

"Mmh." Was Wells' only response, and true to form, he chose to stand on the platform instead of coming down the second ladder. What better way to showcase your superiority that to assume a physically imposing posture, like some lord of old, ruling over the serfs from atop a throne? If it wasn't for the whole time-traveling murdering evil genius thing, he'd almost be a classic case of megalomania.

"With a name like _Eobard_ , I guess you'd have to be."

"No, Eobard is a _distinguished_ name," Wells said, affecting a playfully snooty tone of voice, "for a _distinguished_ member of a _distinguished_ family."

"It's depressing to think that all of my descendants are as crazy as you."

Wells laughed at that and stepped forward on the platform, bracing his hands on the rails of the ladder. "No, no, no, the _Thawne_ bloodline is chock-full of politicians, scientists, captains of industry." He leapt off the platform and peered down at Eddie. "Failures such as yourself are just the exception."

"And what exactly makes me such a failure?" Eddie asked, genuinely insulted by the insinuation.

Letting out a derogatory huff of air, Wells clapped a hand to Eddie's shoulder. "Ooh, tough question. Eddie, where to start? How about your career as a police detective? It's _spectacularly_ uneventful."

"Yeah, well, we'll see." He’d told Barry months ago that it was all any cop could ask for, a career that ended with retirement and not a bullet, so if Wells was the real deal and he lived long enough to start a family and retire at a ripe old age, it couldn’t _truly_ be that bad. Then again, time-traveling evil genius… Eddie supposed their definitions of failure had _vastly_ different meanings.

"We _have_ seen. _I_ have seen. _I_ am from the future. And _you_ are the only Thawne all but forgotten by history. Waste of a life, waste of a man. And... _oh, no_.” His mouth dropped open in feigned shock. “You don't even get the guy."

Eddie felt his stomach do a somersault. The possibility of an uneventful career and a quiet, simple life he could handle, but not getting the guy? "What are you talking about?"

He watched as Wells headed over to his work station to grab something off of it. It was small enough to fit in his hand and Eddie kept his eyes on it as Wells walked back over to him. He held out his hand, and Eddie flinched backwards, thinking it some kind of weapon, but the thing lit up, projecting an image between the two of them. It was the front page of a newspaper, blaring the headline _Flash Missing, Vanishes_ _In Crisis_. Did Wells mean that Barry died in the future? Eddie leaned forward to stare at it, transfixed.

"Observe, if you will, the byline."

Eddie's gaze went right to it. _Iris West-Webb_. He looked back to Wells. "And?"

"Now... look at the byline _before_ I came back to this time."

The image shifted right in front of them, but it stayed exactly the same. The headline hadn't changed, nor had the other smaller articles. If Wells hadn't told him where to look, Eddie wouldn't have noticed it at all. _Iris West-_ Allen.

"That's right. Barry marries Iris. Not _you_."

Eddie blinked in confusion, feeling as if someone had a death-grip on his heart, the pressure agonizing as they attempted to snuff the life out of him.

Wells smirked at the sudden shift of expression on Eddie's face, the way the light in his eyes dimmed ever so slowly. He shut the device off and walked back over to the work station, setting the link to Gideon down. Picking up his tools once more, his smirk melted away. Showing Eddie the future had the effect he'd wanted -getting him shut up- but it had also reminded him of his own failure.

The domino effect he'd set off by killing Nora was something even _he_ never could have foreseen. He'd ended up _trapped_ in this godforsaken place, losing his powers and forced to watch his own undoing. It hadn't been noticeable at first, what his rage at failing to kill Barry at his most defenseless had cost him. Joe had taken Barry in and at the time, he hadn't thought anything of it. All it meant was that Barry was now closer to the woman he was destined to be with. But then one day, Gideon had alerted him, informing him that the byline changed. It was in that moment that he'd realized what had happened.

Joe was raising the Barry and Iris like they brother and sister, and despite not actually being related by blood, the feelings they had were no longer that of two people who loved each other. At least not in the way they were _supposed_ to.

He needed to find a way to get back to his own time, and clean up his mess, before the headline changed as well. Or even worse, before he ceased to exist, erased from the world by a paradox. That meant speeding things up. He couldn't wait for the real Harrison Wells to build the particle accelerator, the one that would ultimately create the Flash and every other meta, because not only did he refuse to wait all those years for the accelerator to be built, but with the changes he'd unintentionally set in motion, there was no guarantee that Barry would be where he needed to be when it exploded.

He decided he'd have to do it himself, so he could stack the deck in his favor. Easy enough, being the genius he was, to take over his life, to _become_ Harrison Wells. _No one_ had questioned him after the change, believing the car accident had irrevocably altered his demeanor, leaving him able to move amongst them like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

With his new identity in place, and his character unimpeachable –at least professionally- all had gone according to plan. The proper pieces were in play, the accelerator exploded, the dark matter had the effect it was intended to have and _voilà_. He now had the means to finally get home. Not only that, in bringing Barry to S.T.A.R. Labs, he was able to witness firsthand Iris mourning for her friend and he thought that _finally_ , things would go back to the way they were supposed to be. She would recognize the true depths of her feelings for Barry, who would awaken soon enough and have the same realization.

But no, his failure kept getting thrown back in his face. Instead of the timeline righting itself, to preserve any semblance of a cosmic order, the byline had stayed changed. And to add insult to injury, _Eddie_ had appeared, from seemingly out of nowhere. While it's true that he'd transferred to Central City in the original timeline, in the hopes of furthering what would prove to be a truly mediocre career, it wasn't supposed to happen for another six years, months after the original accelerator explosion. It seemed that the dominoes he'd knocked over had a more far-reaching effect than he'd anticipated. It wouldn't have been a big deal, except for the blatantly obvious affection Eddie had for Barry.

Watching Eddie with Barry is what truly gave him pause, for the first time since seeing that altered byline, making him doubt that he'd be able to get back to his own time before everything unraveled on him. He'd kept tabs on Barry, while building S.T.A.R. Labs, and was aware that he'd had relationships with both genders while he was away at college, but he’d never thought anything of it. For all he knew, in his own time, Barry had probably had a fondness for attractive men. He just hadn't needed to _act_ on that attraction because he already had the love of his life at his side. Hell, he’d most likely had a thing for Eddie, after he'd joined the department, but again... love of his life.

He'd held on to hope, though. Hope that Barry and Iris would see that they were meant for each other, because the timeline needed to be preserved and grandkids still needed to be born. Even as Eddie came back, day after day to watch over Barry, he never gave up on that hope. The tale of their meet-cute in the alley had made its way to him from Caitlin and Cisco, and though no one had seen it yet, he knew that Eddie was harboring feelings for Barry. And after Barry woke up... _that's_ when he really started to worry.

But time went on. And it _kept_ going on. As their relationship progressed, despite his best efforts to convince Barry that Eddie was an unnecessary distraction, his hope was once more renewed. His continued existence meant that he was either going to be successful in his endeavors, or it meant that the dramatic rollercoaster ride that had been Eddie and Barry's relationship would fail, and Eddie would eventually end up on the path he was supposed to be on.

Or, in a very cruel twist of irony, it meant the events that led to the further propagation of the Thawne line were still _very much_ in play, just with Barry as Eddie's partner, instead of the man Eddie was supposed to end up with. And wouldn't that just be tragically hilarious, Barry Allen, the Flash himself, one of the progenitors of the man who would seek to destroy him?

Either way the tale went, fate or destiny or simply sheer dumb luck was on _his_ side, as evidenced by every breath he took in this almost barbaric landscape, and all he needed to do was see his plan through to the end. Then he'd be home and everything that had been taken from him would be returned.

"It doesn't matter."

Wells craned his head around and stared at Eddie, who was glaring back at him defiantly. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"It. Doesn't. Matter." Eddie said, with a bit more confidence. "That image from your time, it means _nothing_ to me. We're in _this_ time." What did he care if some other version of Barry was in love with Iris? All he cared about was that _his_ Barry loved _him_. "Call me a failure, a waste, whatever you want. I have Barry in _this_ time and that's the only thing that matters to me."

"Oh, that's _adorable_." Wells tossed aside his screwdriver and approached Eddie's chair, a predatory look in his eyes. Coming to a stop directly in front of him, Wells bent down, hands covering Eddie's wrists so he could brace his weight on them. The pained hiss that escaped Eddie’s lips was like sweet music to his ears. Locking their gazes, Wells made sure he had his full attention before speaking.

"I think you're betting on the wrong horse there, Eddie. You see, I'm going to make Barry an offer he can't refuse...” He smirked at that, remembering the line from one of Cisco’s movies. “And when I do, he's going to all but _beg_ me to help him put things back the way they're supposed to be. And when he does, you'll go back to being what doesn't _matter_."

Eddie gasped when he let go of his wrists. Wells turned his back on him, and he flexed his fingers, trying to get the blood flowing back into them. After a moment, the sensation of pins and needles disappeared. A lingering sense of dread remained, however. What had Wells been talking about? What could he _possibly_ offer Barry that would have him sacrificing the life he'd built for himself here, in favor of one that was more to the liking of the man who'd tried to _kill_ him, and _had_ killed his mother?

He stared openly at the outline of Wells' profile as he worked on whatever it was he was putting together, the questions burning inside of him and making him sick to his stomach. Of all the things that had unsettled him since waking up a hostage, the absolute _certainty_ in Wells’ voice as he spoke about what choice Barry would make… zealots spoke with less conviction than he had, and _that_ was what _truly_ scared him.

 

 *~*~*

 

"You realize the fatal flaw in your plan, right?" Eddie asked nonchalantly, flexing his fingers to work the blood back into them. Wells had untied his hands to allow him to eat the dinner he'd brought, and relieve himself, and he was adjusting to being bound once more, after the brief reprieve.

Wells, extremely interested to hear how hard Eddie had put that hamster wheel of a brain to work, turned and leaned against the edge of the work station. He gave Eddie his full, undivided attention.

"Enlighten me, detective. What Achilles Heel have you discovered in the plan I've spent over _fourteen_ _years_ carefully crafting?"

"Your complete inability to _not_ be a smug bastard of an evil genius."

Wells laughed, the sound echoing off the concrete walls of the bunker. "Be mindful of your words, now... those are _your_ descendants you're besmirching by questioning their marital status at the time of my conception."

"See, _that_ , right there. That's where you screwed up. You just _have_ to be the smartest person in the room, and you've fallen into the oldest, dumbest trap in the book."

"And what's that?"

Eddie remembered a line from some stupid kid’s movie Barry had made him watch, only redeemed in his eyes by the fact that it had made fun of all the superhero clichés. Clichés he’d laughed at from behind his hand as Barry glared at him from the other side of the couch.

"I got you monologuing."

Genuinely thrown off sides by that, Wells narrowed his eyes dangerously. He folded his arms over his chest, his posture defensive and Eddie smirked at the small victory. "What, pray tell, does that mean?"

"It means you _told_ me your plan. When Barry finds me, and he _will_ find me, I'm just going to tell him what you said. He'll know you're planning on offering him some kind of deal, and he'll flat-out refuse because of it. And on top of that, you can't kill me to keep him from finding out, because if you do, you'll have destroyed _any_ chance you might have had in getting him to agree to said deal."

Wells stared at him for a long, drawn out moment, before he began laughing again, and this time, he doubled over from the force of it. He managed to compose himself after a second, but the unnerving smirk never dropped from his face. "Wow, Eddie..." He said with a chuckle, "I didn't realize until just now how much I needed a good laugh." He rubbed his chin, shaking his head at the sheer stupidity of it all. Then, as if he'd pulled off a mask, his expression changed and in a blink, he was standing in front of Eddie, who blanched back in the chair in surprise. Wells glared down at him.

"I'm only going to say this _one_ last time, so pay _very_ close attention, because if you force me to repeat myself, you won't like what will happen. Your story has already been written. Barry _never_ chooses you. In the vast ocean of time, you are nothing more than an insignificant drop, washed over by other, _greater_ , drops. When this is over, and I've won, he'll barely even remember that you exist. So it'll do you well to stop thinking you have some part to play in all this... that someone like _you,_ the forgotten Thawne, could ever dream of stopping someone like _me_."

Leaning in close, Wells stared into those frightened blue eyes, eyes that so closely resembled his own, once upon a time. "This isn't a movie. And even if it were, you'd never be the hero of the story. You can't outwit me, and you can't stop me with some highly convoluted, last-ditch effort. You just... _can't_. So don't embarrass yourself by trying." He clapped Eddie gently on the cheek, relishing the way he recoiled in fear from the touch.

How he had descended from such a dimwitted cretin was beyond him. How Barry, who at his prime was almost definitely his equal, had _fallen_ for such a cretin was beyond him. But soon, that wouldn't be his concern anymore. Soon, he'd be back where he belonged, the past would be the past, and none of this would be his concern ever again.

 

* * *

 

 _Barry, I need you to listen to me, okay? Whatever is happening to you, you_ have _to fight it! I_ know _you can do this... I_ know _how strong you are. Stand up to Grodd. You can do this._ Please _, Bar... do this for me. For my dad... for_ Eddie _._

Iris' voice, which had been background noise in his mind, lost under the painful memories and sensations Grodd was feeding him, suddenly became a clarion call. Images flashed before his eyes, but this time, they weren't of horrendous experiments and cruel tortures. No, what he saw now, guided by Iris' gentle urging, were his own memories.

Trying to explain a science fair project to Joe, who somehow looked completely confused by the technical jargon, yet extremely proud at the same time. _Joe congratulated me on the hard work and effort, and I almost said “Thanks, dad.” That’s when I knew I’d accepted what had happened. I'd never forget, but I was never alone... that I'd never been without a father.  
_

Sitting at a table with Iris in a 24-hour diner after junior prom, him in a tux, Iris in a powder pink gown, both of them shoveling food into their mouths between raucous laughter about just how much fun they'd had as each other's dates. _Iris peeked at me over a spoon laden with ice cream and said “Told you so.” The wide, brilliant smile on her face when I told her she was right, that I’d had a great night because my best friend had been beside me, had been worth the humility of admitting I'd been wrong._

His first kiss with Eddie, the thrill of anticipation before their lips met, that giddy moment between doing something he wasn't sure he should be doing and giving himself over to his desires. _If I’d known then what I know now, I would have given him everything right then and there, my heart, my soul, my body, just to have more time, a few extra weeks, with the love of my life._

The horrors of Grodd’s memories were unable to contend with beauty of his own, and just like that, Barry was in control once more, the psychic assault fading away. He stood up, straightening to his full height as he gazed across the tunnel to where Grodd stood, glaring murderously out at him from the hole in the brick wall.

Once Grodd realized that his abilities were no longer effective, the assault ceased entirely. The void the silence left behind was both jarring and a relief. Barry blinked a few times to get his bearings straight, Cisco and Iris still shouting into his ear about the oncoming train.

He only had a few seconds before he _had_ to get out of the way, but he desperately needed those few seconds to pull off the plan that had quickly formulated in his mind.

Remembering that staring an animal down was a sign of aggression, Barry kept eye contact with Grodd, his stance threatening and his breathing erratic, as if pumping himself up for an attack. The seconds stretched into an eternity as he entered tachypsychia, the flood of chemicals coursing through his veins fooling his brain into thinking he had an extended window of time in which to act, and to react. Barry knew what was happening, but he couldn't find it in him to care, not as long as it could give him a potential edge in the fight.

Just as he thought it wasn't going to work, Grodd snarled, incited into a furious rage, and leapt out of the opening in the wall. As massively scary as an enormous genetically altered gorilla was, the fact that he was _so_ massive was ultimately his undoing. What he had in raw strength, he lost in speed and precision. Launching his weight across the tunnel made the leap slow, and the downward arc put him directly in line with the train.

At the _last_ possible second, Barry blasted out of the way, and he watched in awe as the train punched into Grodd, its greater mass and acceleration removing him from the fight once and for all. Pushing himself up off the back wall, Barry hesitantly walked back onto the tracks, peering down the tunnel. He hadn't heard the brakes being pulled, nor the sound of the train being ripped off the tracks after running over something too large for it to maintain its current course.

His imagination conjured up the sight of Grodd being stuck to the front car by the wind shear, until the train stopped and his body rolled off like roadkill. He was glad he wouldn't have to be the one to explain away the large, dead gorilla on the tracks to the transportation authority. He'd leave that to whoever had been spinning tales in the media to cover up all the meta activity in the city. Barry chuckled quietly himself, until he remembered that he still needed to find Joe.

He zipped back through the brick wall, searching each corridor until he found Joe, and was able to give Iris the news she'd been eagerly awaiting: Her dad was alive and they were on their way home. Unfortunately, it was apparent Wells wasn't hiding out in the sewers, and they were no closer to finding Eddie than they had been before. Barry helped Joe to his feet, getting a shoulder under his arm, but his mind was with Eddie, wherever he was.

 _One down, one to go,_ he thought. _I'm coming, Eddie, I promise_.

 

*~*~*

 

Iris walked through the doors of Jitters, intent on picking up some coffees for herself and a few coworkers who were also burning the midnight oil -as they were sick to death of the swill normally obtained from the seemingly centuries old coffee maker Pictures News kept on hand- but came across a sight she hadn't expected to see. Tucked against the wall at a table near the back sat Barry, hunched over and looking for all the world like a lost, lonely child. The only thing missing was a black thunder cloud above his head, raining down on him just to make things even more depressing.

Any thought of a caffeine boost went right out the window. A new mission in mind, Iris shouldered her purse and made her way over to Barry. "Hey." She said softly, getting his attention.

He whipped his head up and stared at her with surprised, watery blue-green eyes. Feeling her heart break for him, Iris pulled out a chair and sat down across from him. She reached over the table for his hand, tangling their fingers together and for a moment, they just sat in silence, Iris trying to provide the solace he was obviously in desperate need of. Barry finally managed to smile, though it was more of a brief upturn of his lips, but she returned it with one of her own, hoping the small gesture would in some help to make him feel better.

"What's all this?" She nodded toward the letter and envelope he had set out before him, surrounded by a pile of photographs.

"Oh, uh... my dad wanted me to send him some pictures of me and Eddie so he could hang them in his cell. I wrote out the letter before..." Barry swallowed thickly. "I just never got around to getting all our pictures printed out. I let them pile up, and now there's a hundred of them, and I don't know which ones to send." With his free hand, he touched a photo of himself with Eddie that Joe had taken at the station. Eddie was seated in a chair, and Barry was standing behind him, arms draped around his shoulders, the both of them grinning widely at the camera.

His fingers grazed over another, and Iris could see her own face smiling back at her, firmly ensconced between Barry and Eddie as they sat on the couch at her dad’s house. In the next photo, her and her dad had switched places, and he was sitting between them, Barry surreptitiously throwing up bunny ears behind her dad’s head as she snapped the picture. There was one of Eddie with Cisco and Caitlin, Cisco’s big cheesy grin almost matching Eddie’s in sheer wattage. The next one was of all four of them, Barry having done his ridiculous speed trick to take a group photo with himself in it, and he was pressing a wet kiss to Eddie’s cheek.

All around him, he had the captured moments of how happy they'd been, reminders of the good times they'd had together, but looking at them now, they were only making him miserable. He knew the statistics, and Iris did, too. After two days, the chances of finding a missing person alive dropped by half. It had now been two weeks, and every day Barry woke up, he wondered if it would be the day Wells had thought Eddie had served his purpose, and they found his body. Wells had been smart. _Too_ smart. He'd sent a Grodd-controlled Eiling at them, distracting them from their search and by the time the fight had been over with, the trail had gone cold.

Iris had tried to reassure him that Wells _couldn't_ kill Eddie, because not only were they related, Wells was Eddie's _direct_ descendant, but it had just made the possibilities of what Wells was doing to Eddie even _worse_ in his mind. They had all known that the two of them were related since Cisco's dream trip into the other timeline, but it hadn't occurred to any of them that they potentially shared a direct line. They'd just automatically supposed that it was some distant future relation, but Iris' insistence that Wells had kidnapped him was for _exactly_ that reason had them all at a loss on how to move forward with their rescue effort.

It was just one dead end after another, and the havoc the time travel aspect added to the situation created a million questions that none of them could answer. Questions Barry was almost afraid to know the answers to. The how, the why, the _when_...

Iris brushed her thumb over the back of Barry's fingers and he flicked his eyes to her. "You're probably sick of hearing it, but we _are_ going to find Eddie."

"How? I have searched _everywhere_." Barry tapped a finger on the table harshly, his voice getting louder. " _More_ than once, day after day, and I _still_ haven't found anything." For all he knew, Wells had stashed Eddie on the moon, just to show him _yet again_ that he would never be able to beat him. Iris tried to wrest her hand from his and realized that he'd unconsciously tightened his grip as he vented his anger and quickly released it. "Sorry," He said. "I'm not mad at you, it's just..."

"You miss him."

"Yeah, I do." _Miss_ just didn't seem to do it justice, though. It was if Wells had stolen the very _air_ from his lungs, and each day without Eddie was a slow, suffocating death. He was little better than a dead man walking, forcing on a brave face for his friends, going to work and pretending nothing was wrong, all the while feeling completely hollow inside. If Iris was wrong, and they found out Wells _had_ killed Eddie, he didn't know how he would live with himself. Could he go on being the Flash, knowing he'd failed and had been unable to save the most important person in his life?

His morbid train of thought was cut off by the sensation of his phone buzzing in his pocket. He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled it out, staring at the screen. "It's Cisco. I gotta go." He pushed his chair back and stood up.

"Yeah, go. I'll catch up with you in a bit. And if you want, just leave this with me." She pointed to the letter and the photos. "I'll find some good ones and make sure they get sent out." It wasn't much, but anything she could take off his plate to give him a little peace of mind was better than watching him wallow in pain and self-doubt.

He smiled at the offer, and this time, it reached his eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Iris watched him hurry out the back door of Jitters before blasting away, and she slid a photo out from the pile, one of her and Eddie at Picture News on her first day. Iris pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing, and she swore to herself that if anything happened to Eddie, not even Barry would be fast enough to stop her from beating Wells to a bloody pulp. Wells would learn, just the way Tony Woodward had, what happened to the people who messed with her friends.

And after she cold-cocked Shawna Baez with fire extinguisher to get her off Caitlin, Iris mentally added her name to the list of people who'd learned that lesson the hard way.

 

* * *

 

"Your vitals are normal, but you're just a little dehydrated. The IV should help with that but drink some fluids and stay off your feet, okay?"

Eddie nodded his head gratefully. "Thank you, Caitlin." She smiled at him, before glancing back at the monitors she had him hooked up to. He'd almost forgotten what it was like talking to someone other than Wells, to see another person's face, and he looked from Caitlin to Iris, who was sitting beside him on the bed, to Cisco and then to Joe. He re-familiarized himself with their faces, with how it felt to be in the presence of people who weren't constantly threatening him. According to Caitlin, it had only been a little over two weeks since he'd been taken, but it had seemed like much longer. Every hour he'd spent alone had been like a lifetime and every hour he'd spent with Wells like an eternity. He let out a relieved breath and heard the beep of the heart monitor slow, audible evidence of him finally being able to relax.

Their was a crackle of energy, followed by a gust of wind and Barry appeared at the entrance to the cortex. He was bent over, trying to catch his breath, an odd sight in and of itself. They'd all witnessed Barry run around the city like a madman and never even break a sweat, so to see how much he'd exerted himself while chasing down Wells, it further illustrated just how much faster Wells truly was. And given their current predicament, it didn't lend any credence to the idea that they'd catch him before he put his plan in action.

Barry swallowed thickly, unbelievable parched, and he exhaled loudly. "Oh, God... he was too fast. He's _always_ too fast." He'd wanted nothing more than to catch Wells and wrap his hands around his throat, to viciously shake loose the answer to where he'd been keeping- "Eddie." He'd straightened up and without the console blocking his line of sight to the others, he saw that they were gathered around Eddie, who was sitting on a bed, hooked up to an IV and a slew of machines.

"We found him under a hatch in the pipeline." Caitlin said, turning to look at Barry, who was standing there, flabbergasted. Eddie waved at him as Iris hopped down off the bed, fairly certain she didn't want to be in the splash zone of their reunion.

Barry blasted over to Eddie, kicking up even more wind as he went. He wrapped his arms around Eddie in a fierce hug, burying his face in his neck. He didn't even care that Eddie stank of old sweat and basement mildew, because he was _alive_ and hugging him back. All of his fears instantly vanished and he breathed in deeply, the feeling of being suffocated gone. If he hadn't still been incredibly furious at Wells getting away _again_ , he would have cried at being able to hold Eddie once more.

His anger hadn't made him completely immune, however, and he felt the tears begin prickling at the corners of his eyes. They slipped down his cheeks and he squeezed Eddie tighter, refusing to ever let him go again. "I'm _so_ sorry." Barry whispered to him. "I thought I looked everywhere for you."

Of course Wells had been hiding in the one place they'd never think to look for him, and if Barry had been kicking himself for not being able to save Eddie, it in no way compared to the ass-kicking he was giving himself now. All that time, they'd been right under their noses and he felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He let out a faint whimper and curled his fingers up in the soiled material of Eddie's shirt.

Patting his back in a soothing gesture, Eddie carefully extricated himself from Barry's arms, holding him back just enough so he could peer up into the eyes that he'd missed more than anything else. Eyes that looked back at him with such love... love that Iris would soon be the focus of, after Wells had his way. "Hey, it's not your fault." He cupped Barry's cheek in his hand, and Barry smiled at him, tears falling faster from his eyes.

_You are nothing._

Eddie cleared his throat. "Sometimes, it can be hard to see what's right in front of your face." He flicked his gaze to Iris, who had been standing next to them wearing a grin. All she'd ever been was their friend, a friend who constantly looked out for them, who'd only ever had their best interest at heart, but all he could think about was what Wells had said to him. That she and Barry were meant to be together and would be once again. They'd known each other forever. They were best friends and they loved one another. Only by a twist of fate had that love gone from romantic to familial, a twist Wells had said Barry would seek to undo. "... Even when the clues are right in front of you."

"Um," Iris said, hearing the strange note in Eddie's voice, "Well, all that's important is that we're safe and back together, right?"

"Did he say why he took you?" Joe asked, though he was more curious as to why after two weeks, Wells had not only made himself known, but had willingly left Eddie behind. In his experience, the kinds of people who took hostages didn't just let them go when they were still valuable. If Wells no longer needed Eddie, after having him for so long, then whatever he had up his sleeve, there was no doubt that it was above and beyond anything any of them were used to dealing with.

"I don't know." Eddie said with a sigh. "He said that I was his insurance... and that we were family."

Barry winced, and he took a step back, folding his arms across his chest. "Eddie, I-"

"It's okay, Bar." Eddie said softly, wanting Barry to drop the unconsciously defensive posture. "You had said that you were going to tell me something. Wells just beat you to it."

"You're not... you're not mad?"

Eddie shook his head. "Funny thing about being a hostage, you find yourself with a lot of time to gain perspective." A bitter chuckle escaped his lips. _Time and perspective_. _Who's time_? _Who's perspective_?

Watching Eddie drift off, lost to his thoughts, Joe cleared his throat to get his attention. His eyes seemed bluer that usual, in contrast of his pale, sun-starved skin, but just behind that, something seemed almost haunted about them. "Did he say anything else?" He asked, before he could stop himself. It was never a good idea to pressure a kidnapping victim, but they were in a bit of a time crunch. "I mean, anything that could help us figure out what he's after?" He amended.

"I..." Eddie shot Barry a look, before glancing back to Joe. "He didn't say much. Just kept working on some tube."

"A tube?" Cisco asked, perking up at the mention of something in his wheelhouse. "What did it look like?"

"Metallic. Futuristic." For all that he'd witnessed it being slapped together, he hadn't the vaguest idea what purpose it was meant to serve. "He said it was a key. To getting back everything that was taken from him."

Barry was even more confused than he was before they knew anything about Wells had been up to. "I don't understand. What-"

"I _don't_ know." Eddie snapped. When they all stared at him with wide eyes, he took a deep breath and tried again. "Look, I just want to go home. Is that okay?" He looked to Caitlin for permission, since she was the only medical doctor in the room.

"Yes, of course." She took his hand in her own, withdrawing the IV needle as gently as she could. With practiced motions, she pulled the needle from the tubing and stuck in the little medical waste bin attached to the metal cart. She then plucked the clip from his finger that was monitoring his heartbeat. "Good to go."

Moving to Eddie's side as he stood up, Barry put an arm around him to help support him, but Joe stepped forward, stopping them before they could leave. Barry gave him a perplexed look. "What are you...?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but we're kinda in crisis mode right now and you need to be _here_." Joe said matter-of-factly. He didn't want to be the one to rain on their parade and separate them so soon after getting Eddie back, but they needed to figure out what their next move was going to be, and they couldn't do that without Barry.

For a moment, Barry hesitated, not sure whether he should say to hell with the crisis and go with Eddie, or whether he should stay put, in case something else unexpected happened. He knew what he _wanted_ to do. He _wanted_ to be with Eddie. To take him home and crawl into bed with him, building a nest under the blankets where the shitstorm going on outside wouldn't be able to reach them, even if just for a little while. More than that though, he just wanted to _hold_ Eddie, to be reassured that he was alive, and that he was safe. At least until the next catastrophe struck... But Joe was right, and Barry hung his head.

Frowning, Iris moved to Eddie's other side and slung an arm around him. "I'll get him home, and make sure he gets cleaned up and plenty of rest." If Barry wasn't going to put his foot down and take care of what was really important, then she would just have to pick up the slack.

Barry chewed on his lower lip for a moment, torn between doing what was needed and doing what was _right_. He knew Eddie would be in good hands with Iris, but it didn't make the decision any easier. The moment of peace he so desperately needed would just have to come _after_ they stopped Wells. He glanced back at Eddie. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I think I can manage, yeah. Just... come home when you can." With Barry's arms around him, he was able to pull him into a hug. He held on to him tightly, but let go of him quickly. He just couldn't shake free the idea that at some point in the near future, Barry was going to take Wells up on his offer and give up on everything they'd built together. Part of him wanted to demand that Barry come home with him, while the other part demanded that he start cutting ties as fast as he could, to lessen the pain that would soon be coming. All this while a smaller third part shouted that he was being an idiot who was worrying for nothing, that Barry would give Wells the middle finger and put him down with extreme prejudice.

_He's going to all but beg me..._

Shifting himself to walk while Iris supported most of his weight, he gave Barry one last pat on his shoulder before they headed out of the cortex. As they made their way to the elevator, he noticed Iris shooting him sidelong glances. "What?" He asked finally, so she would just speak her mind, instead of treating him with kid gloves.

"Nothing... I just. Are you _sure_ you're okay?" She expected more of a fight over the pragmatic decree that Barry needed to stay in the lab. After more than two weeks apart, she'd thought they wouldn't have been able to separate Barry from Eddie, not without a crowbar. But instead, they'd simply given over to her dad's logic without fuss, and Iris could have sworn that Eddie had seemed glad Barry had chosen to stay behind. He'd started acting strangely after Barry returned from chasing Wells, and though she figured it was normal to be off-kilter after being kidnapped, his behavior was far from normal for this kind of situation.

"I'm fine." Eddie said as evenly as he could. He slapped on a playful grin, to force some humor into the tense situation. "I'm just wondering if you making sure I get cleaned up means you're going to give me a nice warm sponge bath."

Iris rolled her eyes so hard, she was surprised they hadn't rolled right out of her skull. Definitely _not_ normal. The teasing innuendo was par for the course, but she wasn't blind to the fact that he was trying to distract her from figuring out what was wrong. But if Eddie didn't want to talk, that was fine. The least she could do was give him some space to unravel from what had happened down in that dank subbasement before she jumped on his case and grilled him on why he was treating Barry like he was persona non grata. Until then...

"In your dreams, perv."

 

* * *

 

Eddie got out of his car and shut the door, hitting the lock button on the key fob until he heard the chirp indicating that it was locked. Coffee in one hand and his gym bag in the other, he walked across the lot toward the back entrance of the precinct, already going over his excuse as to why he'd been gone for over two weeks without notice. He'd spoken with Joe earlier that morning, to see if anything major had happened while he'd been dead to the world catching up on his sleep -as Barry had never made it home the previous night- and had been informed that Joe had told Singh he'd been away handling personal business.

Between ending that call and deciding it was best to just get back to his routine, Eddie had been trying to craft the perfect excuse to explain why he'd up and left, without once calling in to explain why. Singh was still on his honeymoon, but no doubt the acting officer in charge would have questions for him. Distracted as he was going over his made up emergency, he didn't hear the swiftly approaching footsteps until it was too late.

"Eddie! Where have you been?"

Turning his head to see Iris jogging toward him, he groaned and continued on walking. It was useless to try and brush her off, especially after last night when she'd been hovering over him, her unspoken questions hanging heavily in the air between them, but he had to hope that making it into the professional setting of the precinct would spare him from a good portion of her angry inquiries.

"Hey!" She called out indignantly when he didn't stop or answer her. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Well, here I am." He'd gone to the gym, wanting to rebuild whatever muscle mass he'd lost while strapped to that damn chair, and had stopped for coffee on his way to work. Going through the motions, things had seemed fine, like nothing had ever happened. Then he remembered the empty space beside him, where Barry would stand as they waited for their orders, cramming donuts into his mouth while making bad jokes about finding a bathroom to take advantage of the testosterone boost after a workout, and the illusion had been shattered.

_Barry never chooses you._

Eddie rubbed at his forehead with a hand, trying to shake Wells' voice from his head. "I'm here, I'm fine." He said over his shoulder. "I just want to get to work."

"You were kidnapped for two weeks and your _first_ thought after being rescued is to go back to _work_?" Reaching out, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. When he finally faced her fully, she gave him an arch look. "What is going on with you?"

"Nothing. I can't mope around the apartment all day feeling sorry for myself. I need something constant right now. Something simple."

She hadn't seen Eddie like this, so reticent and unwilling to face his problems head on, since he'd broken up with Barry. During those months, he'd been just as single-minded, throwing himself into his work to distract himself. She thought back to how he'd acted around Barry, happy to see him, but intent on putting some distance between them. Iris thought all Eddie needed was time to deal with the kidnapping, but _this_ , what he was doing, was _not_ dealing with it. It was burying his head in the sand and like hell she was going to let him be _that_ stupid again.

"I thought that constant was you and Barry." Eddie shifted his gaze downward, shamefaced and Iris sighed. Digging around in her purse, she pulled out the little black velvet box that Eddie had shown her that night on the bridge. Iris presented it to him, eyebrow raised expectantly.

"I found this after we found you. I thought you might want it back."

The sight of the box made Eddie's heart clench in his chest. The key inside wasn't just a physical representation of his feelings toward Barry, it was supposed to have been a metaphor as well. It was meant to be a key to their new life together, the next step in their relationship, rising above the bullshit they'd waded through to get where they currently were, and a way to show Barry that he wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives. When he saw it now, however, all he could hear was Wells' voice once more, saying that Barry wouldn't choose him.

Iris could see the internal struggle going on inside Eddie, the mix of emotions playing openly on his features. "You were going to give this Barry, to show him how much you love him." She huffed out a derisive laugh. "Christ, Eddie, you were worried about whether this should have been an _engagement ring_. And what, now you've all of the sudden changed your mind?" He started to say something, but apparently thought better of it and kept his mouth shut. She blinked at him, stunned. "What did Wells do to you, Eddie?" She asked quietly. There was more than one way to torture a person. They'd all been relieved when they'd found Eddie without a scratch on him, but it hadn't occurred to her until just now that maybe he had scratches that weren't visible.

"He didn't _do_ anything." Eddie said with a beleaguered sigh. "It's what he _showed_ me."

"What could he have _possibly_ shown you that would make you suddenly change your mind on how you feel about Barry. That would make you just _give up_?"

"The future." He all but spat. "He showed me the future."

"And?" She'd seen the future, too, in Wells' time vault, and from what they'd gathered, while it wasn't a particularly bright future, at least for Barry and whatever crisis he had to face, it wasn't exactly the end of the world. Cisco had seemed certain that they were living in some sort of causal reality, where what they did now effected the future. Just by _knowing_ something was going to happen could potentially alter the outcome. So whatever doom-and-gloom future he'd shown Eddie, to scare him or play mind games with him, it wasn't written in stone.

"And in the future, we don't get married. You and Barry do."

She would have laughed in his face if he hadn't looked so dead serious about it, even though it sounded too ridiculously preposterous to be believable. "No, we don't. We saw the future when we found Wells' time vault. He's not who I marry..." It had kept her awake at night for several nights after she'd seen her name on that newspaper. Cisco had talked about causality and his words had dogged her every thought, thinking that being aware of this Webb person would prevent her from dating someone else in the meantime, who would keep her from accepting the job at the Central City Citizen for some reason or another, or who would have introduced her to the man she was supposed to marry.

Whoever had coined the phrase _knowledge is power_ had been right, because she now inadvertently had the power to make or break her own future. All she could in the face of that terrifying power was just continue on as she always had, doing what _she_ thought was right, for her, her friends and her family. And Eddie needed to do the same, focus on what he had, and not worry about some mutable future. Especially when it came from the mouth of someone like Wells.

"You _can't_ believe in what Wells showed you. You'd be insane to believe _anything_ he told you. And even if for some godawful reason he was right, which I'm not saying he is, but you can't let him dictate your present just because he showed you some version of the future. You just have to trust that things will happen the way that they're _meant_ to."

The way things were meant to happen was what Wells would be attempting to undo, to suit his own needs. And Barry was going to _help_ him in that endeavor. That is what galled him, more than anything else. It wasn't so much that Wells was planning on ripping their world apart for his own gain, but the idea that Barry was going to help him achieve his goals. Iris had a point, the _now_ was what was important, but she'd not been there to see the maniacal glint in Wells' eyes when he spoke, heard his voice when he spoke about things that hadn't yet come to pass as though they were a foregone conclusion. It wasn't zealotry that made Wells so certain, it was cold hard fact that he had something that would force Barry's hand. It wasn't the hostage he had taken, as Wells had been quite adamant in stating that he _didn't matter_ , it was what he'd been building that required time only a hostage could buy that would set right this world that he had accidentally created.

She hadn't been there and because of it, she wouldn't be able to understand why he felt like he was being torn in half, helpless to stop the events Wells was going to set in motion. Eddie motioned toward the precinct with a wave of his hand. "Look, I gotta go." He started to turn, but Iris caught him before he could leave.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me. You're going to end this just because some lunatic from the future told you that _I'm_ the one destined to marry Barry?" She scoffed at him in thinly veiled disgust. She never would have thought Eddie would be the kind of person to give up without a fight. "Well, I don't believe that, okay? I believe we choose our own destiny. I decide who I love, and I _don't_ love Barry. Not like that... Whatever future Wells showed you, it's not _my_ future. It's not _your_ future. And if you just manned up enough to _talk_ to Barry, he'd tell you its not his future, either."

 _But it_ will _be, once Wells gets what he wants_. _Because in the end, he'll have been right. I don't matter_. "I'm sorry." Eddie walked away, doing his damndest to pretend that he hadn't seen the horrified expression of betrayal on Iris' face.

 

*~*~*

 

Iris stormed into S.T.A.R. Labs, in a fury like that of a woman scorned. She'd been trying to get a hold of someone, _anyone_ , for hours, and no one had been returning her calls. She'd stopped by the lab twice since talking with Eddie, and each time, the place had been deserted. Only after seeing the news about a freak plane crash outside of the Ferris Air field -followed by reports of gunfire and explosions- did she think that after whatever they all had been doing that had caused the plane to go down, they'd have headed back to lick their wounds.

The faint sound of life inside the cortex told her she was right. Cisco spun around in his chair to look at her as she walked in, and wide smile spread across his face. "We did it! We caught-"

"Where's Barry?" Iris barked, not caring in the slightest that they caught Wells, though the news should have made her happy. Right now, her anger was all-consuming, and she needed to find the target of that anger _now_.

Wide-eyed, Cisco pointed a shaky finger toward Caitlin's lab, where Barry stood talking to her and Ronnie. Narrowing her eyes, Iris brushed past Cisco and stomped into the lab. "When was the last time you saw Eddie?" She shouted at Barry, scaring all them to the point that they jumped about a foot in the air in surprise.

Barry blinked at her. "What? Why? Is he okay?"

"Physically, sure. Mentally? _Hell no_. Wells did something, messed with his head and he's gone off the deep end. So tell me, when did you see him last? Or even thought to call and check up on him?"

"I don't... Not since you guys rescued him." He said with a pained look. "I got so caught up in getting the metas out of the pipeline and stopping Wells before the accelerator went active that I..." He'd spent so long worrying about getting Eddie back alive, agonizing over every horrendous torture Wells might have subjected him to, and yet, once they had him back, he'd been distracted by fighting to save the city that he'd actually _forgotten_ that Eddie, the one he cared for most, might have needed saving himself. Guilt welled up inside of him, and he dug into his pocket to pull out his phone.

"No," Iris said sharply, preventing Barry from hitting the call button, "You need to get your ass to his apartment _right now_ , before-"

"Wait, what about Nanda Parbat?"

Iris flicked her gaze to Caitlin. "Nanda what?"

"Uh, Oliver showed up to help me capture Wells. He said might need a favor and then he cashed it in before we even got Wells into the pipeline. Felicity, Diggle, all of Oliver's friends are in trouble, and he needs me to go to Nanda Parbat to get them _out_ of trouble."

"We were trying to calculate how long it would take to get there and back, without killing himself from the sustained exertion." Caitlin said. "Even at a moderate speed, it's still _thousands_ of miles across the Pacific Ocean."

"Good thing Barry here can run on water, right?" Ronnie offered with a grin. His attempt to lighten the mood fell flat, going by the expression on Iris' face, and for a second, he thought _she_ was the one who could turn into a human flamethrower, what with the fiery glare she leveled on him. "Sorry." He mumbled.

Iris glanced back at Barry. "So basically what you're saying is the fastest man alive can't spare _any_ time for the man he loves?"

Over the years, due to his own failings, professionally and socially, Barry had felt the overwhelming desire to crawl into a hole and die on many occasions. But this wasn't a job or an awkward encounter, this was _Eddie_ , and never before had that desire felt so visceral. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and he absolutely hated himself for putting the lives of his and Oliver's friends over Eddie. In their duties as a cop and as the Flash, he and Eddie had discussed priorities like this before, when tough choices would have to be made for the good of others, but they'd never discussed how much choosing those priorities would _hurt_. "Iris, I you know that I _can't_."

Caitlin took an anxious step forward. "At least, not right now. But he shouldn't be gone for _too_ long." She turned to Barry, trying to reassure him. "It'd be slower going up through Alaska and across the Bering Strait into Russia. You'd cut down on over water running, but you'd be going the long way around. If you take a straight shot, you'd have to maintain your speed across the Pacific to keep from falling in, but you'd run the risk of burning too much energy running at maximum speed."

"I just need to make sure I have enough of those energy bars Cisco cooked up, and I should be fine. And it's not like running through most of Asia won't give me plenty of opportunities to pig out on complex carbohydrates."

"It's not only that, but you have to keep yourself from overheating. Your can't run _that_ fast for _that_ long without your internal temperature spiking to dangerous levels and risking serious brain injury. You're going to have to stop at regular intervals to make sure you don't end up cooking yourself from the inside out. Even with your body rapidly healing itself, at some point, you'd be causing more damage than it could keep up with. So taking all the variables into account, a reasonable estimate of a round trip would be..."

"Just around twenty hours." Ronnie said, quickly doing the mental math. "Anything less, and you'd be pushing yourself to exhaustion."

Longer than Caitlin had anticipated, though still shorter than any commercial air flight going _one_ way, but once Barry was back, it wasn't like he couldn't go see Eddie before he'd _have_ to confront Wells. "Right, and then Barry can-" She had turned to speak to Iris, but found her gone. In the midst of going through their calculations, she had walked out without any of them realizing it. They looked out into the cortex in time to see her disappearing around the corner. Cisco spun in his chair and peered at them with a perplexed look.

Heading down the hallway, Iris thought they would call out to her, once they realized she'd left, but they didn't. It only further justified her anger, that they couldn't see past their own shit and recognize what was truly important. Not even two minutes after telling Barry that Eddie needed him, he was already back to planning how he _wouldn't_ be there for him. When she got to the elevator, she punched the button and stepped into the car once the doors opened.

It wasn't like she couldn't see the reasoning behind the gigantic clusterfuck. Lives were at stake, not just Oliver's friends, but _their_ lives, and the lives of everyone in Central City. Barry just didn't have it in him to sacrifice others, not even for his own happiness. It was what made him a hero. But it also made him an idiot. In keeping everyone else alive, he was killing the very thing he needed to keep _himself_ alive, his reason for fighting the good fight.

But just because Eddie and Barry weren't going to stop and do what it took to salvage their relationship didn't mean she wasn't going to do it for them. She wasn't going to let them just roll over and die on each other. Even if she had to drag Eddie out of his apartment by his hair and into S.T.A.R. Labs, she would do it. And when Barry got back, she'd do what she'd always done, force them to face their problems head on. Because if they weren't going to fight to save their own futures, what was the point in trying to save the future of the rest of the world?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some days, I think that even though this is about Barry and Eddie, Iris is the real hero of the story...
> 
> Okay, so that premiere? I died a little on the inside at that dream sequence open... when Eddie showed up and his face lit up like a Christmas tree when he smiled at Barry... _dead_. And the picture Barry showed Iris? It's a real picture of Rick and Grant, and that picture is the genesis of this whole arc. Without that picture, I wouldn't have gotten aboard this ship, and this story wouldn't exist, so... had to give it a shout out.


	21. Save Today

_"Not to be greedy, but we could really use your help on this whole Starling City super virus thing."_

_"You know I would, but I am overdue for a_ very _pointed conversation with Wells."_

_"Did you find him and Eddie?"_

_"Yeah, we did. And I'm overdue for a conversation with him, too."_

_"Well, I only say this because I know how you can be a massive idiot at times, but Eddie_ first _. Then Wells."_

_"For once, I wasn't planning it any other way."_

_"Good. I'd hate to send you back to Central City with a black eye. It would really clash with your suit."_

_He and Felicity shared a smile, but given the atmosphere, it really wasn't the time for jokes. Before blasting out of the admittedly awesome secret lair, _Barry pulled Felicity in for one last hug_. "Good luck." He murmured in her ear. "I know you guys will find a way to handle this. You always do."_

 

* * *

 

Barry walked into the little side room off the main cortex and found Eddie sitting on the floor, back against the wall, his arms draped over his knees. Hearing him come in, Eddie glanced up with a dull, defeated look on his eyes, and Barry thought he could feel his heart breaking. "Hey," He said, giving him a little wave, "Iris said I'd find you in here."

"Of course she did.” Eddie replied, shifting to lean his head back up against the wall. “I've been stuck here under pain of death because of her."

"For real?"

Eddie nodded once, letting out a breathy chuckle. "She may not look it, with those big doe eyes and that smile, but Iris can be absolutely _terrifying_ when she wants to be."

"Oh, believe me, I _know_. I grew up with that, remember?"

Eddie peered down at his hands, the humor dying before it ever really had life, and he curled his fingers, as if to check his nails. "Yeah... yeah, I remember." He murmured softly.

Frowning at the way Eddie seemed to shut down on him, Barry crossed the room, sneakers squeaking quietly on the floor. Coming to a stop beside him, he motioned for Eddie to move. "C'mon, sit up for a second."

Eddie hesitated for a moment, but with a nod of acquiescence, he sat forward. Barry slipped into the space he'd created, sliding down against the wall until he was seated behind him. Bracketing Eddie’s body with his legs, Barry wrapped his arms around him, interlocking his hands together on his chest, and Eddie found himself sighing as he leaned back, resting his head on Barry's shoulder. Eddie closed his eyes, the familiar sense of comfort making him relax for the first time in weeks. He felt Barry press a kiss to his temple, and he hummed, covering Barry's hands with his own.

He couldn't even remember the last time they'd been able to do this, just hold each other in peaceful silence, without the world blowing up around them. The night he'd been released from jail, after being framed by Bates? Before Barry had found Wells' time vault and everything had gone to hell? Nearly a whole month since they'd simply been able to be together, long enough that he hadn't even realized how much he'd missed it until he had it back.

But like always, it didn’t last, not for long. Wells’ voice cut through the quiet, an incessant reminder of what would come to pass. _Barry never chooses you._

"So how was Nanda Parbat?" Eddie asked, his voice sounding almost harsh as it broke the silence.

"Dungeon-y."

He tipped his head to the side, peeking at Barry from the corner of his eye. " _Dungeon-y_?"

"You know... like, it had a lot of dungeons. It had a _Dungeons & Dragons_ feel to it. Torches, guards with swords, the whole nine yards."

"Ah." As if dealing with Wells wasn't bad enough, Barry had to go stop a villain with an _actual_ dungeon. "Felicity all right?"

"Yeah, I got her and everyone else out. Safe and sound, heading back to Starling." Barry unwound one of his hands from Eddie's, lifting it up to brush his fingers over Eddie's stubble cheek. "What about you? Are you all right?"

"Didn't you already talk to Iris?"

Barry knew he was deflecting, but it wasn't a topic they could really avoid, not any more. He shifted slightly to the side, a finger under Eddie’s chin to tilt his head up, so they could face each other fully. "I did. But I got the angry Cliffs Notes version, before being ordered to come talk to _you_ about it."

"Then you know that I'm _not_ all right. I'm pretty damn _far_ from all right."

"I know... what Wells did to you... what he said to you... I'd kill him for it, if I didn't need to figure out why he's done all this."

Eddie furrowed his brow. "You didn't go see him yet?"

"No, I came to see you first. And not just because Felicity said she'd clean my clock if I didn't."

Eddie barked out a rough laugh. "If her and Iris ever decided to take over the world together, we'd all be doomed."

"Don't even _joke_ about that." Iris and Felicity seemingly had every mask running around in the palm of their hands, and it was kind of surprising that Iris hadn't already thought to take up a mask herself. She'd give some serious hell to every two-bit crook and meta in the city. Caitlin had already told him what Iris had done to Peek-A-Boo. Barry shuddered at what Joe would do to him if she started fighting crime alongside him.

"Probably right. Wouldn't want to give her any ideas."

Barry chuckled. "Not at all. Ideas are _bad_ things." Peering into Eddie's eyes, he sobered up a bit, remembering that they were supposed to be having a serious conversation. "Just like the idea that I would ever leave you for Iris." He ran his thumb under the curve of Eddie's lower lip. "You're the one I want to be with. Only you. And I don't care what lies Wells told you, that's never going to change."

He _wanted_ to believe Barry, he really did, but he hadn't spoken to Wells yet, hadn't heard whatever it was he was going to offer him, and there was no way Eddie could believe he wouldn't give up on them. He shook himself free of Barry's grip. "You should go talk to Wells."

"No, I shouldn't. I should stay here and talk to _you_." Eddie turned his head away, refusing to look at him, and Barry’s lips tightened in anger. "The silent treatment is _not_ going to work, Eddie, you should know that better than anyone. So just... please, talk to me. I want to know why you'd ever trust Wells over _me_."

Extricating himself from Barry entirely, Eddie rushed to his feet and quickly crossed the room, going for the door. He should have known Barry would beat him to it, as it was stupid to think he could outrun a speedster, but that didn't stop him from glaring at Barry when he bodily blocked the door.

Ignoring the glare, Barry reached out, placing his hands on Eddie's shoulders. "Please, Eddie, I am _begging_ you. Why are you trying to run from this... from us?"

Eddie closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he looked away from Barry, knowing if their gazes met and he saw the naked love in his eyes, he'd crumble. He took in a sharp breath through his nose. "Because there won't be an _us_... not after you talk to Wells."

"What? Why?"

"Because he's going to make you a deal... I don't know what kind of deal, but basically... if you take it, it means we won't be together anymore. And you're _going_ to take it."

"Like hell I am! Why would I _ever_ make a deal with that lunatic? How could you believe that I ever would?"

Eddie finally looked at Barry, his eyes blazing with the hurt and betrayal that was soon to come. "Because that's what he spent two weeks _beating_ into my head!" He shouted angrily. "For two weeks, all I heard about was his master plan, how not only was he going to get you to agree to this deal, but how he was going to use it to prove to me that I was worthless! To the world, to the city! To _you_! And that no matter how _hard_ I tried, I'd _never_ be a hero like you. He told me that I never amount to _anything_ , and that I _never_ get the guy... that I never get _you_." Eddie jabbed Barry's chest with a finger. "He told me that he's seen this all play out, and when it came down to it, you would forsake _us_ and choose to be with Iris!"

Aghast, Barry stared at him like he'd been slapped. He stammered for a second, trying to wrap his head around what Eddie had said. "That's- I. No, I-" He finally got a hold of himself. "That's _bullshit_! You _know_ me! I would never agree to _anything_ that meant I had to give you up! Christ, Eddie, if I had to give up being the Flash to be with you, I would! Nothing in this world is more important to me than _you_."

Tugging Eddie to him, Barry rested their foreheads together, hand moving to cup the nape of his neck, and he stared into Eddie's eyes. "Listen to me," He said, lowering his voice, "Look at me, and _listen_ … you know that I love you, right?"

" _Now_ , but-"

" _No_. No _buts_. I love you. I _love_ you, okay? With _all_ my heart. And the only reason it’s still beating is because of _you_ , because you _are_ a hero. _You_ saved me from Snart. And you saved me from Brie Larvan's bee army. You have helped save me _so_ many times, in _so_ many different ways, so please, God, just listen to me, because it’s my turn to save you.

“Wells is a... he's a lying _fucking_ prick and I _don't care_ if he's from the future. I've seen the future, too, and not in that time vault, and not in that newspaper. I see it right here, right now. I see Wells in the pipeline because he's _your_ future. He owes you his very existence. That means that you and I..." Barry laughed at the wondrous horror of it, "You and I _create_ that. He's going to spend the rest of his life in there, while you and I _create_ the future. We're going to live our lives, side by side, stopping people like him. We're going to get _married_. And have _children_. And maybe one day, Wells will just disappear, because _we're_ the ones who decide the future, and we'll know to make sure whatever happens to Wells _doesn't_ happen. We'll make sure nothing ever hurts him, so no one will ever be hurt _by_ him."

Tears fell from Barry's eyes, but he didn't bother to try wiping them away. Instead, he lifted his free hand to brush away a tear from Eddie's cheek. "And all of that is going to happen because I _love_ you. More than _anything_. You are the most important thing to me. Even if I sometimes forget to remind you, nothing has ever stopped that from being true. It's sounds _so_ clichéd, but you are the _first_ thing I think about when I wake up... every day you were gone, I woke up hoping you didn't think I'd given you up for dead when I couldn't find you. And every night I went to bed without you, I swore to myself _tomorrow, tomorrow is the day I rescue him and bring him home, and I will never ever let him go again_."

He swept his thumb over Eddie's cheek again, banishing another tear. "I don't care how many times we end up right here, reliving this _exact_ moment, because of Wells trying to manipulate us. No matter how many times he tries to force our hand, I will _always_ choose a future with you. _Our_ future, _together_."

All Eddie had ever wanted since falling in love with Barry was to have a happy life with him, marriage, and children, and growing old together on a porch in the countryside. He didn't know enough about time travel to know if anything Barry had said could actually happen, without creating more paradoxes, but he couldn't care about that, not now. 

Wells had sworn up and down that he would never have that happy life, at least, not with Barry. _Never_ with Barry. Barry, who would rather live a life with Iris than with him. Barry's voice as he spoke his heart with a loving quaver, it overrode the snide, hateful tone Wells had spoken to him with, promising him a future without the man he loved, and it was like a sweet salve to his open wounds. Relief flooded through him, flushing away the doubt and fears Wells had planted in his mind.

“You promise?” Eddie asked, for once not caring if he sounded like a meek child, desperate for affection. He _was_ desperate, desperate for _hope_ , hope that he’d lost listening to Wells drone on about how vastly unimportant he was, that all the dreams he’d had for himself were dead, before he even had a chance to bring them into fruition. Eddie clutched at Barry’s shirt with shaking hands, eyes searching Barry's.

"I _promise_. You, Eddie Thawne, are the _only_ one for me. In this life, or any other.”

Eddie smiled through his tears, feeling as if he'd been suddenly freed from an overwhelming burden. "I'm sorry." He sniffed, taking a deep, shuddering breath to try and calm himself.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, and there's nothing _to_ forgive." Barry carded his fingers through Eddie's hair. "Wells _hurt_ you. He _made_ you believe those things. And I was so caught up saving everyone else that I wasn't there to make you un-believe them. So _I'm_ the one that's sorry."

"Don't be... You wouldn't be who you are if you weren't out there saving lives and making the world a better place."

"That's still no excuse. I _should_ have been here. Felicity and them would have kept for the ten minutes it would have taken to show up and remind you how much I love you."

"What's done is done. No use dwelling on it." Eddie let out a quiet laugh, not wanting them to get caught up on taking the blame for what had happened, as it would get them absolutely nowhere. "Though I imagine our kids won't be as understanding that daddy's not there to tuck them in because he's breaking into dungeons."

Barry felt his world tilt sideways, reality hitting him like a well-aimed punch from Grodd. "Oh, God..." He said breathlessly. "We're going to have _kids_."

"Welcome to my world. I've been feeling _that_ since I found out about Wells." In between loathing Wells' very presence, he'd had to deal with the concept of himself as a father. It _had_ been depressing, thinking that someone as evil as Wells had come from _him_ , but at the same time, he'd sat in awe of his potential fatherhood. It was something he'd always wanted for himself, but was never certain it would happen. Knowing that it had, that it _would_ , had been amazing, yet humbling at the same time.

"Yeah, well... there's gotta be a black sheep in every family, right?" Barry smiled. "But Eddie... we're going to have kids."

"We are." He felt his mouth turn up and Eddie knew his own smile must have mirrored Barry's. "Probably gonna need a bigger house."

Barry laughed at him. "One thing at a time, okay? We don't even live together yet. And we're not even married. I think they have to come _before_ we plan on starting an army. You know, like the song? _First comes love, then comes marriage_. The baby carriage comes _after_ all that."

"So move in with me."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. Iris already has the key I had made for you."

Heart flip-flopping in his chest, Barry leaned back, eyes searching Eddie's. " _Oh_?"

"Don't ask why. Just... she has it."

"Well... okay then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's move in together."

Eddie's grin grew wider and for the first time in what felt like eternity, he was _happy_. Circling Barry in his arms, he pulled him close, drawing him in to a kiss, and it was like air after being submerged in water, or water after weeks in a barren desert. It was life, and life _affirming_. They'd not kissed since the night he was kidnapped, before Barry had tried to trap Wells, and the only time he'd ever gone so long between kissing Barry was when they'd been broken up. Their kiss shared the same intensity as the one right after they’d gotten back together, every ounce of love they possessed being poured in to it, as if to remind each other of what they’d lost, and what they had gained once more.

He took his time tracing the contours of Barry's mouth, familiarizing himself with the unique tang of Barry's lips and tongue on his own, and Eddie could feel Barry doing the same, tasting him, relearning all the different ways they fit together.

Their hands were everywhere, cradling each other's faces, gripping at the other's hair, pressed to the other's chest to feel their hearts beating. With a muffled whimper, Barry reluctantly pulled away, as he always did when one more minute would mean they'd never get anything productive done. Eddie bumped their noses together, and stole one last quick kiss from him. He gazed into Barry's eyes, tenderly brushing his thumb under the swollen pout of his kiss-reddened lips.

" _Marry me_." Eddie whispered, pouring every ounce of emotion into those two words.

Barry sucked in a breath, having not expected Eddie to propose not even _ten_ _minutes_ after asking him to move in. It was a simple request, but the impact of it was enormous. They hadn't even known each other for a year, but it had never stopped him from feeling as if he'd known Eddie all his life, as if they were always meant to be together. They'd survived good times, and they'd survived worse times, coming out stronger on the other side for having lived through it. Once they made it through this, there would be nothing that could ever separate them again. Grinning, he nodded his head. " _Yes_." He whispered back, "I'll-"

The rest was lost to the searing kiss Eddie swept him into.

 

*~*~*

 

Everyone turned as Barry and Eddie walked into the cortex, a dozen eyes watching them anxiously. They'd all been threatened by Iris to leave them both alone until they'd finished talking, and that if anyone tried to interrupt them by reminding them Wells still needed to be interrogated, she'd skin them alive. Ronnie and Professor Stein, unfamiliar with Iris, hadn't taken her all that seriously, chuckling at her threats, until they saw the way Caitlin, Cisco and Joe folded like a house of cards under her unrelenting glare. Two of the many brilliant minds in the building and a seasoned detective, cowing to a woman who outwardly seemed so innocent and kind. Only then did they think that they too should do as she said and bide their time.

"Any problems?" Barry asked.

"No, he's just been standing there." Cisco spun in his chair and pointed to the monitor. "It's kinda creepy." Almost as if he'd heard Cisco, Wells peered up into the camera, eyes narrowing as he scrutinized it. "See what I mean?"

He had to admit that it _was_ a little creepy, and he patted Cisco on the shoulder consolingly. "I'm gonna go talk to him. I know it's creepy, but keep watching, in case he tries anything."

"If he was going to try to escape, he would have done it already." Caitlin gave Barry a small smile. She knew how important this was to him, getting the answers to all his questions, and if he wanted his privacy, no one would begrudge him for it. "I think you'll be all right, even if we aren't listening."

"Still. Better safe than sorry, right? I'd rather you all be prepared."

Conceding the point, Caitlin nodded. There wasn't much any of them could do to Wells, but even an advanced warning would give Ronnie and Professor Stein a head start on merging into Firestorm, so they'd at least have a fighting chance. Giving Ronnie's hand one last squeeze, she let him go and moved around the console to sit in her chair. "If you need anything, just gives us a shout."

"I _do_ need something, actually. But not from you." Barry walked over to Iris, who was standing beside Joe against the wall leading to Caitlin's lab. He stopped in front of her and held out his hand, palm up. It took her a moment to realize what he was asking, but with a nod and a smile, she reached into her purse and pulled out the velvet box.

She gave the box to him, gripping his hand in hers for a second before releasing it. "I'm so happy for you." She said giddily.

"Thank you." He replied sincerely. Popping the box open with his thumb, Barry stared down at the key. It was just a simple thing, a silver key and key ring, but it meant everything to him. Taking the key from the box, Barry stuck it in his pocket and then snapped the box closed. Turning, he tossed it to Eddie, who caught it one-handed. "There better be a ring in that next time." He said cavalierly, walking past him to head out of the cortex and to the pipeline.

Eddie snorted and gave him a wave as he left. "Yeah, okay." When he turned back to the room, he found all eyes on him once more. Most of them were a mix of shock and happy surprise, but Joe had an indignant expression on his face, one that said like hell he was going to marry off his kid to someone who hadn't even asked for his blessing yet. Eddie slowly moved toward the console, sinking down into the third chair. The console didn’t directly block his line of sight with Joe, but he was able to pretend to look busy by watching Barry’s progress on the security cameras as he descended into the pipeline.

Taking that as their cue, Ronnie, Stein, Iris and Joe made their way around the console, standing behind himself, Cisco and Caitlin, riveting their eyes to the monitor as well. A conversation fourteen years in the making was about to happen, and while it was most certainly a private matter for Barry, for one reason or another, every one of them had their own personal stake in the conversation as well. Wells had drastically altered all of their lives, and they had their own questions that needed to be answered.

The anticipation was almost palatable as they waited, and Eddie was grateful when he felt Iris rest her hands on his shoulders. She dropped a kiss to the crown of his head, giving his shoulders a gentle squeeze, and he felt himself relax a little. Whatever happened, whatever they learned, they were all ready to face it together.

 

*~*~*

 

Barry stood facing the monitor outside Wells’ cell, mentally pumping himself up. He’d been waiting for this moment for most of his life, and now that it was here, it seemed a little _too_ surreal. He breathed in deeply, holding it for a moment before opening his mouth to exhale loudly. He could do this. Today was the day he was going to get the answers to the questions that had been burning inside him for _far_ too long.

He patted the key in his pocket, drawing strength from its presence, and from the man who'd given it to him. Taking one last centering breath, Barry pressed his hand to the monitor. It recognized his biometrics and released the locks on the blast door separating him from Wells. The sight of him trapped inside the machine he’d built himself -stolen from the _real_ Harrison Wells- was a satisfying one, and Barry couldn’t help but smile.

Wells, not to be outdone, smiled back at him, though it was much cockier, mired in smugness that almost seemed to bleed out from the glass partition. “What? No Big Belly Burger?” He asked cheekily. “It's one of the few perks of living in this time. We're out of cows where I come from. But you don't care about that.” He said, as calmly as if they’d merely been discussing the weather. “You have questions. Go ahead.”

“Not sure where to start...” Barry decided to go with the obvious. “Thawne. That is your real name... Eobard Thawne.” He didn’t know if he’d ever truly be able to dissociate Wells from who he really was, and he supposed it was the reason they all still referred to him as Wells. It was who they’d known him as, and the alternative was too painful a reminder of all his lies, and what he’d done to Eddie, his own forebearer.

“Since the day I was born, yes.”

“And when was that exactly?”

“A hundred and fifty-six years from now, give or take a few months. But that's still not what you want to know. So, go ahead, Barry." Wells squared his shoulders brazenly. " _Ask it_.”

Barry looked Wells dead in the eye, and the words all but tumbled from his lips. “Why did you kill my mother?”

“Because I _hate_ you.” He replied, in that irritatingly placid voice of his. “Not you _now_. You _years_ from now.”

“In the future.”

Wells nodded. “In a future, yes. We're enemies, rivals, opposites, reverses of one another."

“Why? Wh-why were we enemies?” It still boggled the imagination, unable to think of what he ever could do -or _would_ do, he was still getting used to future tense- that would make a man born years after he himself would die hate him so intently.

“It doesn't matter. It doesn't... matter _anymore_. What matters is that neither of us was strong enough to defeat the other.”

Stepping up to the glass partition, Wells leaned forward. “Until I learned your _secret_. I learned your _name_. Barry Allen. And _finally_ , I knew how to defeat you once and for all. Travel back in time, kill you as a child. Wipe you from the face of the earth. But then you, _future_ you, that is, followed me back, and we _fought_. We both landed some pretty solid shots. And then you, future you, got your younger self out of there.”

A maniacal gleam shone in Wells’ eyes. “I was _so_ mad. But then I thought... what if you were to suffer a tragedy? What if you were to suffer something _so_ horrible, _so_ traumatic that your child self could never recover? Then you would not become the Flash. And so I _stabbed_ your mother in the heart," Barry flinched, but Wells continued on, ignoring him, "and I was _free_. Finally able to return to a future without the Flash, only to realize that in traveling back, I'd lost my way home. Lost my ability to harness the speed force. And without it, I was stuck here. _Stranded_ in this time, unable to return to my own. And the only way back was the Flash. But the Flash was gone, and so I _created_ him.

“Is that why you trained me? Why you helped me save so many people?” It was galling to Barry, that something so altruistic had come from Wells’ self-serving agenda, helping him only to help himself.

“Yes, because I needed you to get fast. Fast enough to rupture the space-time barrier and create a stable wormhole through which I could return home.”

“And why would I ever do that for you?” Barry supposed this was where the offer came in, where Wells was so certain that he’d give up everything, to help the man who’d viciously murdered his mother and upturned his life.

“Because... Barry Allen, if you give me what _I_ want, I'm gonna give you what _you_ want.”

Barry's lips ticked up in a smirk as he let out a disbelieving huff of laughter. “I already have everything I want.” The smirk melted away, replaced by a hard scowl. “And even if I didn’t, there’s _nothing_ I want from you.”

Wells gave him a patronizing look. “Yes, you _do_. Through me, you can go back and do what you've always dreamed of... save your _mother_. You can prevent your father from going to prison. You can reunite the Allen family.”

Floors above Barry and Wells, Eddie’s blood turned to ice, and he forced himself to stay absolutely still as everyone turned disbelieving stares on him. He felt his body begin to shake with the sheer amount of effort it took _not_ to react to the bomb Wells had just dropped.

Barry blinked, his heart suddenly jack-hammering against his rib cage. Eddie had warned him that Wells would try to make a deal for his life, and he’d sworn he’d turn it down, but he’d never imagined _this_. He couldn’t have, never in a million years. He'd thought he could avenge his mother by learning the truth about her death, so he could finally catch her true killer and free his father, but he'd never once considered the possibility of changing the past, even after he'd done it the first time.

“ _No_.” He barked suddenly. “I _don't_ believe you.” It was too good to be true, which meant Wells was merely playing on his emotions, the way he’d played with them all since the accelerator exploded. This was the man who spoke of killing his mother without a care in the world, who’d tortured Eddie for fun and had created a divide between them. He’d _never_ negotiate with this man, this _monster_.

“I want to kill you right now.” Barry growled, anger building inside him, and it took every ounce of self-control to not beat his fists against the glass of Wells' prison.

“I know that rage. I used to feel that rage every time I looked upon you.” Something about Wells’ demeanor changed, his features softening as voice took on an oddly tender note. “And now, somehow, I know what Joe and Henry feel when they look on you with pride. With _love_.”

His self-control snapped, and Barry surged forward, jamming his finger against the glass so hard that the tip turned white from the ferocity of the pressure. “No. _No_. Don't you _ever_ say that to me!” He all but screamed.

“I know you're upset, but I'm giving you a _chance_. I'm giving you a chance to _undo_ all the evil I've done. Don't you _want_ that chance?"

 

*~*~*

 

When Barry made his way back into the cortex, his gaze immediately landed on Eddie, who was sitting up ramrod straight, a blank expression on his face as he started at the monitor. Iris stood beside him, looking as though she wanted to say something, but didn’t know how to put her thoughts into words. Barry knew the feeling all too well.

He walked over to Eddie, moving to stand at his other side and peered over the console at Professor Stein. “He’s lying, right?”

“It’s hard to say, as you yourself have already proven that it is possible to travel through time. And even if you hadn’t, Harrison is example enough.” Stein paused, considering all the implications of Wells’ offer. His voice became more contemplative. “A rare opportunity to go back in time and right a wrong, and save your mother's life... quite the paradox he has presented you with, Mr. Allen.”

“The chance to save his mother’s life? Seems pretty cut and dry to me.” If it had been her, Caitlin would have jumped at the chance to go back and save Ronnie when the accelerator exploded. She would have done anything to spare them both the pain of the months they'd spent apart, to spare Ronnie from having to live on the streets, his psyche fractured.

Stein waggled a finger at her. “At first blush, Dr. Snow, it would appear so, but this gift has unparalleled risk. Barry, the night your mother died, the night you saved yourself from being killed, that event altered the timeline you were already on and changed the course of history.”

“So what you're saying is we're living in an alternate universe?” Cisco asked. It made sense, how Wells could still be alive, despite all the changes he’d made to the timeline. In an alternate universe, the future events that precipitated the past events wouldn’t cause a bootstrap paradox, like Marty and Doc Brown in _Back to the Future_. The 1985 they’d come from still existed, but the sports almanac ending up in Biff’s hands created an alternate 1985, one where the Doc had never built the DeLorean. The absence of time travel in that reality hadn’t prevented the reality from existing in the first place.

Cisco pressed his fingers to his temples, feeling a migraine coming on from just thinking of all the problems time travel created. It was one thing to watch a movie and ignore all the problems of logic, in lieu of being entertained. It was another to _actually_ be living in a world where time travel was possible and have to deal with those problems firsthand.

“It’s just like the day I changed before.” He’d gotten back together with Eddie, but Joe had been hurt, Cisco had died, and there was a good chance his disappearing into the past meant he’d disappeared from that reality forever. He shuddered to think of the possibility that the reality still existed alongside their own. Or had it been destroyed entirely, _because_ he'd changed the past?

“But he only changed _one_ day that time.” Joe said, looking from Barry to Professor Stein.

“Exactly. Now imagine _fourteen years_ of compounded experiences. One different decision, no matter how big or small, impacts _everything_ that follows. Moments upon moments, choices upon choices. If Barry saves his mother, no relationships, nothing would be as it is today, and you'd never know the difference because you'd never remember any of it. None of us would.”

That answered _that_ question. The day he'd changed had erased those events, which is why only _he_ remembered what had originally happened, because it had never happened for anyone else. “So if I go back and save my mom, my dad doesn't go to prison. I never live with Joe and Iris. And I never meet Eddie.”

“You might never meet me.” Cisco added. “Or Caitlin or Ronnie.”

“Truth is, there's no real way of knowing what your life will be.”

Oh, Barry _knew_ , as did Eddie and Iris. He and Iris would marry, and Eddie would never be a part of their lives. He’d get his parents back, but he’d lose the person he loved most. Iris would also lose her friend, and if Cisco was right, probably the friendships of everyone in the room. They’d been through so much in the several months, and it seemed unimaginable to give it all up. But it was his _mother_ , and when it came to saving lives, they all knew the sacrifices that had to be made.

“There's no choice here, Barry.” Caitlin said quietly. “You have to do this. You gotta change the past.”

“There’s _always_ a choice.” Barry glanced down at Eddie, who’d been silently watching the conversation, but had made no attempts to put in his two cents. “Eddie,” He asked, jarring him from his reverie. Eddie peered up at him with watery eyes, as if he’d already made his decision. “I made you a promise,” Barry murmured, trying to reassure him, so that defeated expression he was wearing would go away, “and I _won’t_ break it.”

“I know you won’t… but you _have_ to.” Eddie replied, though it tore him up inside to say such a thing.

Eyes widening, Barry stared down at him, utterly floored. “ _What_?” After all that he’d been through, after all _they’d_ been through, he was now suggesting he agree to Wells’ deal?

“It isn’t like it was before. Wells made it sound like you’d be giving me up for Iris. That you would choose her over me. But he was wrong. You’d be giving me up for your mom’s life. For your dad’s life. And I can’t let you _not_ do it.”

As one, Caitlin, Cisco, Ronnie, Stein, and Joe simultaneously pretended they weren’t in the room listening in, while at the same time doing just that. Only Barry, Eddie, and Iris knew about what Eddie had gone through the whole time he’d been kidnapped, and while none of them had pried -even as they waited on tenterhooks for Barry to return from Nanda Parbat and shed some light on the subject- they’d all been desperate to know. Cisco had called it a soap opera. Caitlin preferred to think of it as being concerned for their friends.

“It’s not a matter of _letting_ me, Eddie, because I’ve already said that I wouldn’t. Besides, Wells isn’t just doing this out of the goodness of his heart. There’s something in it for him, too, and I’m not gonna let him get an even break on this, simply so he can do… _whatever_ it is he’s gonna do. I’d rather he pay for his crimes by having him spend the rest of his life in the pipeline, or on Lian Yu, than let him wiggle his way out of this by dangling my mother’s life in front of me.”

“Okay…" Eddie pointed a finger at him. "If you can look me in the right now and tell me without _any_ hesitation, without any _doubt_ whatsoever, that some part of you would regret not doing whatever it took to save your mother… that after _fourteen years_ of wanting this exact opportunity, you would never look at me and feel spite because _I_ prevented you from going back to stop Wells, then I’ll hold you to your promise.”

There was the briefest moment of hesitation, when Barry's eyes spoke more than he ever could, and though Eddie felt his heart sink, he bore through the pain of it, because at the end of the day, despite his feelings, it was the _right_ thing to do. Even if Barry could live with making the tough choice to maintain the current timeline, it was almost unconscionable to Eddie, to know that their happiness had its foundation on a stolen life, a life they now had the chance to save.

"But if you _can’t_ … I’m not going to be the one to say that my life is more important than saving the life of someone else. I won't be the one to take this opportunity from you. I’ve spent the entirety of my career getting justice for others, and no one deserves more justice than your mother and father. If you can do it, you have a responsibility _to_ do it. I swore that oath when I became an officer, and you swore to do the same when you took up the mantle as the Flash."

Speechless, Barry chewed on his lip, hating himself for being unable to say that he would never hold Eddie responsible for passing up on the chance to go back in time. If he refused, and let Wells rot in the pipeline, he knew he'd always wonder what could have been, what he could have done, if he'd just taken Wells up on his offer. Barry loved Eddie, with every fiber of his being, but there was no way he could guarantee that his wondering wouldn't eventually lead to some sort of unintentional bitterness. Eddie didn't deserve that and Barry didn't want to ever put him in that position.

But the alternative to potentially making Eddie the focus of his regrets was to turn his back on him entirely. And the worst part was, according to Professor Stein, they'd never remember any of it. If he changed their world, every relationship, every friendship, every precious memory, they'd be gone forever. Once it was done, it was _done_. He’d never know if he’d screwed up, and there’d be no going back to fix the mistake. He wasn't sure if he had it in him to do that, willingly sacrifice the lives of his friends in this reality.

"Joe?" Barry asked imploringly, looking to him to be the voice of reason. Instead of reason, however, Joe just shook his head, giving him an unsure shrug. "So what... what, that's it? You think I should just do it?"

It was a complex issue, with as much to gain as there was to lose. This reality was all they'd ever known. They stood there now because despite unimaginable tragedy, they had all found each other, becoming a sort of patchwork family, and those relationships had shaped who they were. To give it up, to exchange it for an uncertain future, where those relationships weren't guaranteed, it was hard to fathom. Eddie had a point, though. The crux of the issue was Nora's life, a life she'd been cruelly robbed of.

If there was a chance to go back and save her, they had a duty to act. It was the very reason their little group had banded together, to save the lives of those in need. To not put everything on the line to get the job done, it would be turning their backs on what they stood for. If Barry chose not to act, Eddie was right, it would always hang over him, like all choices when people wondered what could have been, if they'd only done things differently. Joe didn’t want Barry to carry around that burden.

"Yeah, I do." He answered finally, after weighing the losses against the gains.

Barry blinked in surprise, having thought Joe would be the first person to not trust Wells, no matter how tantalizing his proposition was. "You know it means that I will never come to live with you, and... you're _okay_ with that?"

Closing the distance between them, Joe settled a firm hand on Barry's shoulder. "You'll get the chance to grow up with _both_ parents. You do this and you won't have to grow up without a mother."

"What about growing up without a _father_?" Barry asked, searching Joe's eyes.

"You _will_ have a father... your _real_ father. It's like Eddie said, this is the reason why you became the Flash, Bar. To undo every evil thing Wells has done. You saved a lot of people's lives this past year, and you’ve more than earned the right to save yours."

Barry shook his head, feeling as if he was being ripped in half. "I need to get some air." He said, before blasting out of the cortex, leaving everyone to trade nervous glances with each other.

Looking down, Iris saw Eddie silently struggling to fight back his tears. They'd been discussing the possibility of upending his life -and _all_ their lives- without any thought to his personal investment in the situation. Eddie had selflessly offered up his own happiness for Nora's life and she could see how much it was killing him. Iris moved to sit on Eddie's lap, circling her arms around him in a loose hug and she tucked her face into his neck, feeling as if she might start crying herself.

Eddie hugged Iris back, seeking solace in the arms of the woman who might be replacing him as the love of Barry's life. He gave himself a mental kick for thinking of her in such a way. Iris was his friend and confidant, trying to comfort him after making a difficult decision, and to think of her as anything other than an amazing person who'd only ever cared for his happiness and well-being would be unfair. He sniffed, reprimanding himself for the slight to keep from crying, but then Iris, in a supreme expression of how much she loved them both, tipped her head up and whispered in his ear, "You'll _always_ matter, Eddie," and the floodgates opened.

 

* * *

 

“I know it’s crazy-” Barry said, nervously running his thumbnail over a groove on the table affixed to the visitation booth.

“I think we're way past crazy, slugger. Look, you're fast, I get it. But turning back time...” At first, Henry had been glad for the unexpected visit, but after learning of what Barry was thinking of doing, he found himself confused by the prospect. Even as a man of science, it was all a bit mind-boggling, and even after Barry had gone over the details, it was still a hard concept to grasp. 

“No, I wouldn't be turning time back. I would be... going back to that night to save mom. I’d put a stop to all the bad things that have happened to our family, before they'd have a chance _to_ happen.”

Henry hummed, not entirely sold on the idea, and something in Barry’s eyes told him he wasn’t either. He now had an inkling as to why Barry had paid him a visit, because one way or another, he wanted to be convinced that what he was doing was the right thing. “And what does Joe think about all this?” Henry asked, as though Barry were a child again, asking for permission to do something, even after his mom had told him no.

“He thinks I should do it. Pretty much everyone does.” Barry swallowed thickly. “Even Eddie.”

“No. You _can't_.” Henry said suddenly. Just because it was the right thing to do, it didn't mean it was the right thing to do for _them_. To even _contemplate_ giving up everything they had, everything Barry had with his friends, and with Eddie, it was beyond _wrong_.

“Dad... I can make it so that night will have never happened. We'll be a family again.”

“We _are_ a family.” He replied stubbornly.

“Not like _this_." Barry said, motioning to the glass partition between them. "Not without mom.”

“Barry, there's a natural order to things, okay? Things happen the way they do. We may not know why at the time, but there is _always_ a reason. Now, I believe that.” That belief was the one of the few things he had to cling to, to keep him sane in an insane world. He himself may have been in stasis, getting older as younger and younger inmates came through the doors of Iron Heights, but Barry was not trapped by his circumstances.

Despite all their tragedies and hardships, despite watching his son be raised by another man, those tragedies and hardships had molded Barry into the intelligent, caring, kindhearted child every parent _dreamed_ of having. The fact that he was so willing to give up everything he had to save _one_ person, it spoke to his unerring selflessness, and Henry was proud of him for it. But he was still _wrong_.

“I've _had_ to believe that there's reason to the madness. You should believe it, too, and let the past go.”

“But I... I can save mom.”

“At what cost? You said time would change. But what if it changes you? What if you lose everything that has made you _you_?”

“I...” Barry trailed off, the thought never having crossed his mind. He’d been so preoccupied with everything else that would change that he hadn’t even wondered what it would do to himself. In Wells' future, he still became the Flash, so having his family wouldn't alter him _too_ much...

“Son," Henry said, pulling Barry from his thoughts, "I am in awe of the remarkable man that you are becoming...  of all the things you've achieved, and not just as the Flash, but as _you_. Your honesty. Your heart. You were always a hero. And your mom would be just as proud of you as I am. And if she had a say in this, if she thought for one second that you going back to save her would mean you losing what makes you so special, she would never want you to give up on that.”

Henry put his hand on the glass separating them, trying to console Barry as his face crumpled, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Barry, what I hope for you, maybe the greatest thing a father can hope for his son is that one day, you will become a father yourself. Here, now, you and Eddie could have that. And when you two become parents, you will finally know...” _All the things a parent would do for their children, the lengths they would go to in order to make sure their children never suffered, how much they’d be willing to sacrifice of themselves to ensure their children’s happiness_ , “how much I truly love you.”

Nodding his head, Barry sniffled and wiped away his tears. It broke his heart, hearing his father tell him to let the past stay past, to continue to let this play out as they had, even if it meant remaining behind bars for the rest of his life. He’d gone to see his father because he was the only other person who’d lost just as much that night, and who understood the pain of that loss. His wife, his child, his career, his freedom, he’d been cruelly robbed of it all, just as his mother had been cruelly robbed of her life, and yet, he was content to let it all remain the same, just so long as Barry himself was happy.

But wouldn't he also be happy holding his mother again, knowing that he was safe and loved in the arms of _both_ his parents?

 

*~*~*

 

"Thought I might find you here."

Peering over his shoulder, Barry spotted Iris by the roof access door. Sighing, he turned back to looking out over the city, the bright lights obliterating any view of the stars he knew were dotting the night sky. "I couldn't go back to the lab, not just yet." He said quietly. "I thought this would be a good place to think."

"Oh, it is, trust me." Iris replied, coming up to stand right beside him. She leaned against the edge of the roof, folding her hands together as she stared out at the city. It was a familiar, comforting sight. "I've done a lot of thinking up here. When I wasn't having clandestine meetings with the mysterious Streak, that is." She gave Barry a gentle nudge with her elbow.

"Yeah, not mad we lost that name." He said with a wry grin. There was a reason they all generally left the names to Cisco, though technically, Oliver had indirectly given him his moniker.

" _Hey_ , I thought that had pizzazz." Barry shot her a look that said _for real?_ and Iris grinned self-deprecatingly. It _had_ been kinda bad, and was nowhere near as good as the Flash. The grin melted away after a moment, her thoughts turning to why she’d sought him out in the first place.

"So... are you gonna do it?" She asked quietly.

Barry groaned. "I don't know." He answered honestly, more confused after talking to his father than he had been before their visit. "It's just so _huge_. It's the biggest decision of my life, and if I'm wrong, I can't undo it." He wouldn't even know if he'd been wrong to do it, because he'd have no memory of turning back the clock. They'd all be stuck with whatever choice he made, for better or for worse.

"It's not _all_ bad, though. I mean, you'd get to see your mom again. Your dad would never go to prison. You'd have a great career... even get married." Barry gave her a sad look and she placed her hand on his. "Iris West- _Allen_ , huh?" When she'd confronted Eddie in the precinct parking lot, he'd angrily told her that she was the one who ended up with Barry, but it was in talking with him at S.T.A.R. Labs, while they'd been waiting for Barry to return from Nanda Parbat, that she'd learned the details of the knowledge Wells had tortured him with.

"We don't know that that's going to happen." Stein had mentioned small changes having larger effects than anyone could anticipate, and just the fact that three Flashes would been in his house the night his mother died... even if he stopped Wells, it would still mean his family would be the victims of an attack, and there was no way to know what that event would change, even in putting things back to the way they were supposed to be.

Iris tipped her head to the side, conceding the point to Barry, but she became more contemplative. "Do you think that because you didn't live with us," She started, edging into uncomfortable territory, "that it's why things are so different there? Between us?"

She'd told Eddie, that night on the bridge, about Henry joking about her and Barry getting married some day, and even now, though nothing had ever happened between them, they were closer than most friends. She knew it played a part in why she was so invested in his and Eddie's relationship, because she wanted nothing more than for Barry to be happy, with someone who cared about him as much as she did, but the thought of them _actually_ getting married, loving him the way he loved Eddie... it was such a foreign concept to her.

"Growing up together and... knowing so much about each other... I remember thinking, before my mom..." Barry gulped, before pressing on. "I remember starting to like you as more than just a friend. But living with you and Joe..." He felt too awkward to finish the sentence. Even though they acknowledged how close they truly were with off-color jokes and innuendo, friendly kisses and cuddling, their familial relationship had created a line between them, definitively putting an end to anything they might have ever felt for each other intimately. "I've had a great life, Iris, being a part of your family, having a _sister_ , and I don't know if I want to give that up, along with everything else."

A watery smile on her face, Iris pushed herself up off the edge of the roof and motioned to Barry with her hands. "Come here."

Hugging her back, soaking in the familiar comfort of Iris’ arms around him, the world didn’t seem so scary, and it felt like everything would be all right. It reminded him of hugging his mother, how she could make feel like everything would be all right, and that things would work themselves out eventually. He thought that they'd somehow figure out an ingenious way to make sure everyone got what they wanted, like they always did, but below them, a car horned honked, followed by someone shouting a colorful stream of obscenities, and the sound brought Barry back to reality.

Leaning back, he gazed down at Iris. "What do you think I should do? I need _someone_ to tell me." Eddie was telling him to do it because he didn't want their relationship to have the specter of his mother’s life hanging over it. Joe was telling him to do it because he thought he deserved to grow up with his real father. Caitlin had said he should do it because it was the right thing to do. But none of them had really explained why this world wasn't just as good as any other. Only his father had expressly informed him _not_ to do it, because there was no guarantee he’d be the same person, and in Barry’s mind, his argument was the same as Eddie’s… how could he say his own life, his personality, his own successes or failures, were more important than his mother being alive?

"I think... that for once in your life, Barry Allen, you should stop thinking about other people." She raised her hands to cup his cheeks. "I think you should do what you need to do for _yourself_ , not for anyone else."

He let her words sink in, and he searched inside himself for an answer. The beginnings of an idea took shape in his mind, and a smile spread across Barry's face. Iris smiled back, knowing that whatever was going on inside his head, whatever he decided, he was going to stay true to his heart, and it made her happy.

 

*~*~*

 

When the blast doors open, Barry was greeted to the sight of Wells finishing off the meal Caitlin had brought him. Releasing the straw leading into the extra large soda from Big Belly Burger from his mouth, Wells smiled out at him, as if he’d just won a prize. “Ah!” When Barry continued to frown at him, eyes narrowed in anger, Wells shrugged his shoulders lackadaisically.

“If it makes you feel any better, it took you a whole hour _longer_ to decide than I thought it would.” He bent down, placing the empty soda cup in the bag of food, kicking it to the side until someone came to collect the trash. “I’m sure Eddie will get over it, though.” He said, almost as if he were sharing some sort of private, inside joke.

Barry didn’t think it was possible to hate the man any more than he did at that exact moment. “So how does this work?" He asked sharply, not in the mood for Wells' nonchalant attitude. "Your _grand_ plan?"

“Well, it's really not that grand at all. In fact, it's rather simple. We use the particle accelerator.”

“The particle accelerator?” Barry scoffed and shook his head, starting to think that this had been a mistake. “The last time that happened, you caused an explosion that hurt a lot of people.”

“ _This_ time, the accelerator will operate _exactly_ the way it was designed to. Except, instead of two particles moving in opposite directions, colliding at the speed of light in the inner ring, we're only going to inject one particle into the accelerator.”

He didn't have to be genius to figure out where Wells' was going. “And _I'm_ what it collides with.”

“And if you can go fast enough, Barry, if you can hit that particle with enough speed, you will punch a hole right though the fabric of reality.” Wells slammed his fist into his open palm, to illustrate the strike. “You will create a portal connecting this time to infinite times. A wormhole. Through which one might travel back to the past, say, to the night your mother died or forward to the future, to, say…” Wells grinned, and Barry was vividly reminded of a shark descending upon its prey. “My time.”

“You said _if_ I run fast enough. What happens if I don't?”

“If you don't achieve the desired velocity barrier, you'll die.”

Stunned by the answer, Barry’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. Because it wasn't like there weren't enough complications with the plan already, Wells had to go and heap some more onto the pile. “ _Oh_.”

 

*~*~*

 

Professor Stein bustled around the cortex, tapping away at different consoles to adjust figures here and there, but paused when he saw Eddie sitting at the main console, directly in front of the monitor he needed. “I'm sorry, but I'm told this is the only station with enough power to run these calculations. If we make the slightest error creating the wormhole...” He waved a hand, silently asking Eddie to move.

“Say no more.” Eddie stood up and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the chair. “Joe told me to stick around in case I was needed, but it seems I'm only in the way.” He tried not to sound too bitter, as he’d made his choice just as much as Barry had, but it didn’t change the fact that in the end, Wells had been right all along.

“Everyone has a contribution to make.” Stein said, disheartened by the negative tone in Eddie’s voice. While he wasn’t completely aware of all the nuances in their relationship, he understood just what Eddie had given up, so Barry could save his mother, and he’d thought the two of them would take a page from Caitlin and Ronald’s book, enjoying what time they had together. Maybe they just needed a push, was all. “Perhaps you just haven't discovered yours yet.”

“No, Dr. Wells made it pretty clear when he told me about the future. I don't matter." Eddie shrugged, accepting the truth for what it was. "As far as history's concerned, I don't save the day or get the guy.” _Nope, not bitter. Not at all_.

“And you believed him?”

“He had a newspaper from the year 2024.”

“And I have a mug that says _World's Best Boss,_ though I doubt my teaching assistant would testify to its authenticity.” He set his tablet down, wanting to give Eddie his full attention. “We're dealing with a lot of big scientific ideas today. But you, Mr. Thawne, just might be the most interesting thing here at S.T.A.R. Labs.”

“ _Me_?”

If he’d been merged with Ronald, Stein thought he might have had a clever quip waiting on the tip of his tongue for the asinine question, but alas, he'd just have to barrel over it without comment.

"What are the odds that Dr. Wells would travel back in time and get stuck in the _exact_ same city as his great-great-great-great-grandfather? Working in the same profession, the same building? He maneuvered all the pieces so meticulously, most likely even paying the thief who relieved Miss West of her belongings, in effort to get Mr. Allen away from the particle accelerator and back to his laboratory at the police station. But _despite_ all his years of careful planning, your arrival was something he never could have planned for. I'm certain he had to race to accommodate your presence in his machinations, making the efforts to preserve and protect your life while working to get back home, making you a rare thing that _no_ scientist can plan for."

“Which is?”

" _Coincidence_. There is no science to coincidence. You, sir, are an anomaly. A wild card, as it were, proving that nothing is ever set in stone. Harrison Wells has treated everyone one of us like mere pawns on a chessboard, ready to be sacrificed if need be, but not you. So in my humble opinion, I would make the most of that anomalous nature while I still had the time, instead of worrying about some abstract future that was dictated to you by known lying, murdering psychotic.”

The computer beeped, a display flashing, and Stein peered down at the monitor. A crease formed between his brows. “Wait, that can't be right. Oh, dear... we have a problem.”

Eddie furrowed his brow, looking from the monitor to Stein. “What is it?”

Ignoring him, Stein grabbed the microphone and switched it on, channeling into the room where Cisco was building Wells' time machine, and wasn't _that_ just some sort of cosmic joke? “Ronald, Mr. Ramon, Mr. Allen, I need you to come up to the cortex.” On the video camera feed, all three of them put down what they were working on and filed out of the room. A few minutes later, they appeared in the cortex.

“What’s going on?” Ronnie asked. Hearing his voice, Caitlin came out of her lab and seeing them all gather around, she joined them, taking a seat at her work station. Ronnie moved to stand at her side, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“The calculations.” Professor Stein said, eyes tracking Ronnie as he walked through the cortex. He then turned, gaze coming to a rest on Barry. “There is a danger.”

“I know. I'm ready to take the risk.” It had been a lot to swallow, the possibility that he could die, but he wouldn’t even be going back in time in the first place, with all the risks that journey alone entailed, if he didn’t think he could successfully pull it off. It was just another reason to give it his all, as he always did when the stakes were high and lives were on the line.

“No, not just to you but to _everyone_. Wells didn't tell us everything. Even if you do reach the right speed, colliding with the hydrogen particle, there is a chance that explosion could create a singularity.”

"What's a singularity?" Caitlin asked. At S.T.A.R. Labs, both in its prime and long after its downfall, Caitlin worked with physicists, mechanical engineers, mathematicians and chemists, picking up terms over the years, but her friends seemed to always forget that her doctorate was in medicine. She'd been hired by Dr. Wells to monitor the staff, who spent their days working with equipment and chemicals that could have devastating effects on the human body, as well as help calculate potential fallout levels for the city, should the accelerator go critical. Despite hearing the jargon floated around, at the end of the day, she was still a _medical_ doctor.

“It's a black hole.” Ronnie answered.

Caitlin knew what _that_ was, as well as what they did, and wide eyed, she looked from Ronnie to Professor Stein. “We could _destroy_ Central City.”

“For starters. If we create a singularity here and then cannot control it, we could be looking at a _global_ catastrophe.”

An image flashed before Eddie’s eyes, an image of vortex hovering over the city, swirling dangerously and devouring everything it had sucked up into its gaping maw. It was a memory of a dream, the dream he’d had before getting back together with Barry. In fact, in had been the impetus for their getting back together, because even at the end of the universe, when it was certain they were all going to die, Eddie couldn’t continue denying his love for Barry. But it had only been a dream, a metaphor his mind had conjured up to allow him to deal with his true feelings… or had it been another coincidence, one right on top of the other.

“So long, and thanks for all the fish.” Cisco said, bringing Eddie back to the present. Beside him, Barry folded his arms over his chest, a frown marring his face.

“We need to talk to Wells. If he didn’t tell us about the singularity, just so we wouldn’t be aware of potentially destroying the world, then I’m calling this whole thing off.”

Cisco sat down at the console and brought up the security feed in Wells’ cell. He cued up the microphone, causing Wells to stare directly up at the camera. He waited patiently to be addressed, and Cisco motioned for Stein to come over to the console, not wanting to talk to Wells, not again. Clearing his throat, Stein did as he was asked, leaning over Cisco to speak into the microphone about what their new calculations had uncovered.

“Well, sure, there's a bit of a risk.” Wells said, speaking to them like the children they were. No scientific advancement ever discovered or made had been free of risk or danger. For them to think otherwise was a gross oversight, and if they weren’t willing to face those risks, they very well couldn’t call themselves scientists.

Professor Stein scoffed. “I would hardly refer to causing an extinction-level event as a _bit_ of a risk.”

“Yeah, and your accelerator's been about as reliable as the beater I drove in high school.” Joe added. "So why should we just take your word for it and trust that we won't be potentially kill _billions_ of people?"

Wells narrowed his eyes at the camera. “Let me ask you all a question. How many meta-humans... how many dangers... have we faced this year _together_? Or did you forget that was _me_ fighting alongside each and every one of you?” Oh, none of them had forgotten, as it was most definitely one of the worst things about learning of his betrayal, knowing just how implicitly they'd trusted such a villain. “I have been planning this for almost two decades. It _will_ work.”

“And how do we make sure we don't open a _black hole_ in the middle of Central City?” Barry asked impatiently.

“So, once the wormhole stabilizes, you will have one minute and fifty-two seconds to alter the past and return. If and when he does that, you can close the wormhole, and we can all live happily ever after in a brave new world. Almost two minutes. More than enough time to save Nora.”

Barry folded his arms over his chest, putting all of his pain and distrust into his voice, so Wells would hear through the microphone just how much he hated him. “But not enough time to stop you from going home…”

“Everything's a choice.” Wells replied placidly, which pissed Barry off all the more.

“And what if I'm late?”

“You won't be. I believe in you, Barry. Always have. So I guess the question is, do your friends and family believe in you as much as I do?”

Stein switched off the audio before anyone could answer, the distress on Barry’s face clear as day. Wells was nothing if not a master manipulator, and even from his cell, he still knew exactly how to press Barry’s buttons, how to circumnavigate the thinly veiled disgust to encourage him to have faith in his own abilities.

“So, if I don't run fast enough to collide with the particle, then I'm dust, and if I do run fast enough but I'm not back here in time and get trapped in the past, then a black hole will form, swallow up the city and possibly the world. We’ve been up against worse odds before, right?” Barry glanced around at each and every one of them, wondering not for the first time if all the risks involved would ever be worth the reward.

“Right?”

 

* * *

 

Standing in his kitchen, leaning against the counter as he scribbled down a note, Barry heard someone open his front door. Furrowing his brow, he peeked his head out from around the corner and spotted Eddie shutting the door behind him.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked, confused but happy to see Eddie. Since making the decision to go back and save his mother, there had been a tense awkwardness hanging between them, one Barry wasn’t exactly sure how to banish. “How did you even know I was here?” After they'd all agreed to press forward with the plan, even knowing about the chance to create a black hole, he'd left S.T.A.R. Labs, saying he needed to take care of a few things.

“I asked Cisco to ping your phone.” Eddie answered, making his way into the kitchen. “I was hungry and I knew you would be, too. So I brought us lunch.” He set the large brown bag down on the counter, and Barry’s mouth began watering as the delicious aroma of food filled the air. As a general rule, he was always hungry, but Mama Chow’s made the best beef and broccoli in the city, and he was surprised his stomach hadn’t started rumbling from the mere _sight_ of the bag.

As Eddie watched Barry sniff the air, an appreciative smile spreading across his face, his gaze flicked downward, noticing the scrap of paper with a few indiscernible lines scrawled on it. “What are you working on?”

Realizing what Eddie was referring to, Barry forgot all about the food, grabbing the note off the counter and quickly folded it up before jamming it in the back pocket of his jeans. “Nothing important. Just some… things for today.”

Eddie frowned and folded his arms across his chest. “Seriously? After _all_ this, you’re still trying to hide things from me?” Stein’s words of hope started to fade, replaced by the hurt _again_ being left in the dark.

“I’m not… trying to _hide_ , I just…” Barry sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling the note out. He offered it Eddie. “You’re gonna think it’s _stupid_.”

Giving Barry a perplexed look, Eddie took the note from him and unfolded it. He read it and his heart began thumping against his rib cage. He peered up at Barry, feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “You would do this for me?”

“I would do _anything_ for you, Eddie. Even break every law about time travel there is, just for you. And this way, I figured we could have our cake and eat it, too.”

Eddie licked his lips and nodded, eyes returning to the note. In Barry’s tight scrawl, he’d written: _Eddie Thawne, Keystone City. He is your equal and your opposite, and you love him with everything that you are. FIND HIM._

“Iris said I need to do what’s right for me. And saving my mom’s life… it’s the right thing to do. She didn’t deserve to have her life stolen from her, and you don’t deserve me always wondering what could have been. And with _that_ ,” He pointed to the note, “if I stop Wells and save my mom, I can give her that note, to give to me when I’m old enough. This way, we can still be together.”

Eddie raised his hand to his mouth to stifle a disbelieving chuckle. It was beautiful and bittersweet, and so utterly _Barry_. “You know, you’d probably have a better chance if you just gave your younger self my _address_.”

“Probably, yeah. But I thought anything _too_ overt would be tempting fate. Besides, nothing worth having is easy, right? And an _adventure_ , a quest to find my one true love? It would _definitely_ appeal to younger me.”

Folding the note, Eddie handed it back to Barry. Their fingers brushed together and they stood there for a moment, simply enjoying the gentle touch. Finally, Eddie cleared his throat and Barry took the note, sliding it back into his pocket.

“You’re a fan of Dawkins, right?” Eddie asked, apropos of nothing.

“Yeah… why?”

Eddie motioned to the bag of Mama Chow’s. “I didn't just get the dim sum because I was hungry. I went to remind myself of a coincidence. I never told you this story, but the night we met, I was supposed to have been on a date with someone else.”

“Oh?” Barry leaned back against the counter, bracing his hands on the edge to balance his weight.

“Yeah. I was still new in town and I was looking to get out, meet new people. I’d been talking with this guy for a while, and we finally decided to meet. He swore up and down that Mama Chow’s was the best, and that I would love it. It would take me hours to work off the calorie bomb, but I would love it. So I get there and I waited. And I waited and waited, but he stood me up. Never heard from him again.”

Considering that it had been the night of the accelerator explosion, he’d always figured the poor soul had died in the accident, or somewhere in the ensuing chaos, but never knowing his real name, Eddie had never been able to confirm the suspicion. A darker part of him had always been glad he'd never been able to confirm it one way or another, not wanting to believe he'd been stood up and the guy had just up and ghosted on him, deciding at the last minute that he wanted nothing to do with him.

“The food was amazing, though," He said, brushing away the morbid thought, "he hadn’t lied about that. And when I left, I got a call from the station. With the accelerator going online and the protests about it, they were asking for more people to come in and work extra hours. I had turned down working the security detail, because of my date, so I agreed to take a patrol shift after the date ended up being a bust. About an hour or so later, I was driving by the lab when I got the call about a purse-snatcher. And that’s how we met.”

Barry smiled at the heartwarming story. He’d never known the details of how Eddie had come to be in that alley, though how _he’d_ ended up in the alley was a matter of public record. Still, something didn’t make sense in his mind. “So how does that relate to Dawkins?”

Stepping forward to close the distance between them, Eddie put his hands on Barry’s waist. “I’m paraphrasing, but he once said, _the number of events that had to happen in order for_ you _to exist, in order for_ me _to exist, the number of people that could be here in our place, are as incalculable as the sand grains in the Sahara. We are privileged to be alive, and we should make the most of our time on this world_." Eddie wisely chose to leave out the fact that the only reason he knew the quote was because Barry had left the book sitting on the toilet tank and it was the only reading material handy during his morning constitutionals.

"Someone made me think of all the coincidences that had to happen for you and I to get together..." If he'd taken the security detail, the man who'd stolen Iris' bag would have gotten away. If his date had shown up, he'd never have met Barry, probably not until he'd woken up from his coma and came back to work. If his transfer hadn't been rushed through, he wouldn't have made it to Central City until weeks later, and by that point, after the explosion, he might not have wanted to move to a city that was only a few steps up from a war zone.

"Wells hadn't planned on me being in that alley, an even then, with all his careful planning, I can't help but think that every moment in my life has been leading me to _you_. Before I knew about the note, I was going to make a big speech about screwing the future and making the most of the time we have together, but now..."

Now, Barry was going to make sure that they always ended up together, and he couldn't help but think that Stein was right, that he shouldn't be worried about Wells' ideas about the so-called _correct_ future. Wells couldn't tell him that he was supposed to love Iris, because he had no control over Barry's heart, and never would. The coincidence that was Eddie's presence in this timeline was going to ensure that the only people who decided the future were the people who created it for themselves, no matter what anyone else said to the contrary.

Barry had said it best, _they_ created the future, not his disapproving father who swore he'd never find happiness with another man, not a tragedy that should have scarred a young child, making them believe that if you loved something, it would be viciously taken from you, and definitely _not_ a scheming psychopath, but _them_ , and them alone. Eddie slid a hand around to pat Barry's butt, where the note safely rested in his pocket. "I think we'll always find each other. On any world, in any reality, no matter who stands in our way. Because we're meant to be together. Universal constants, right?"

"But is it still a coincidence if it's planned?" Barry asked, looping his arms around Eddie's neck. "Because the coincidence sounds _way_ more romantic."

"Less romantic than a mysterious stranger sending you on a quest for love?"

Barry narrowed his eyes, pursing his lips into a moue of contemplation. His father had talked about there being an order to things, and Eddie was now talking of coincidence, of a random number of things taking place, but he didn’t see why they couldn’t have a little of both.

“Either way, it doesn’t matter.” A smile spread across his face, and he peered at Eddie lovingly. “As long as the story ends with the two of us together.”

“Forever.” Eddie said, brushing their lips together. He felt the soft exhalation of Barry’s pleasured breath against his skin, followed by a shy, seeking touch of Barry's tongue against his own, and with a possessive growl, he sealed their mouths together with utter finality. His hands roamed up under Barry's shirt, fingertips caressing, scratching at his back and sides with wanton abandon. The kiss became harder, sharper, their breathing becoming more erratic as their tongues dueled ferociously, and Eddie trailed his nails up the warm, sinewy length of Barry's abdomen to circle around a nipple. Eddie felt him shiver, a whimper bleeding through the kiss, and without warning, he pinched down on the nub.

Breaking the kiss with a surprised gasp, Barry threw his head back and moaned as Eddie relentlessly toyed with his nipple. His hips began moving of their own volition, and in response, Eddie thrust back against him, tilting his head to attack the exposed line of his neck. “I thought you were hungry.” Barry said, clutching at Eddie as he bit and licked at his neck like a voracious animal.

“I _am_ hungry.” Eddie replied, nipping at what he knew to be a particularly sensitive patch of skin. Barry shivered again, and the sensation traveled through him, sending a spark of desire straight to Eddie's groin. Releasing Barry's nipple, he reached down to grip his butt, hoisting him up into the air, and Barry immediately slung his legs around his waist, locking his ankles to keep from slipping down. With familiarity born of having done it a hundred times, Eddie navigated his way to their bedroom with Barry wrapped around him and his eyes closed as they kissed fervently.

“Guess you were right…” Barry murmured into his lips in-between wet, sloppy kisses, ardently raking his fingernails through Eddie’s crop of stubble.

Slowly, Eddie ripped their mouths apart to peer up at him, the smack of their lips parting reverberating off the hallway walls, and he saw that a thin, gossamer spindle of saliva still connected their mouths. Stretching to its limit, it finally snapped, and leaning up, Eddie swiped is tongue over the spot on Barry's lip where it had beaded, licking it up. “About what?” He asked with a hum.

“Screw the future. All I care about is _now_...” Barry used his hold Eddie’s face to tilt his head up, and those blue eyes stared directly into his soul. He smiled lovingly, and he felt some rising within him that had absolutely nothing to do with lust, and everything to do with the wonderful man holding him. “… with my _fiancé_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be noted that in _The Sound and The Fury_ , Barry lists his scientific heroes to Joe and includes Richard Dawkins on that list, even though the general consensus is that the writers meant Richard Feynman, as Dawkins is _not_ a scientist. However, I've used that mistake to my advantage. That is a real -though paraphrased- quote from Richard Dawkins. It's not entirely from a book, however, but an aggregate of addresses he's given, which the band Fall Of Efrafa put together for their song _For El-Ahraihrah To Cry_ , on their album _Elil_ , in their trilogy _Warren of Snares_. 
> 
> That trilogy has been the unofficial soundtrack for this series, as listening to it from beginning to end represents over three solid hours of writing, and I've done that a dozen times over. While putting together this chapter, that quote sprang to mind. Quite the coincidence indeed, that months of listening would lead me to something quite fitting, considering the subject matter.


	22. Nothing Changes

"Is this actually binding?" Ronnie asked, pointing at the booklet Stein was holding. His wedding to Caitlin had pretty much been thrown together last minute, and what would normally be weeks of pre-wedding jitters were being jammed into a handful of minutes. He looked at Stein imploringly, wanting to make sure everything went off without a hitch. Or _with_ a hitch, rather, as the whole point of a wedding was _to_ get hitched.

Stein didn't need their latent connection to know that Ronald was suffering from a case of nerves, and Stein placed a hand on his arm, trying to ground him into the moment, so he didn't drive himself crazy worrying about what could go wrong. "My father made me become a rabbi before he would send me to MIT, so there's no need to worry. This will be _legit_ , as the kids say."

" _No_ kids say that."

"Let's not fight on our wedding day." Stein said with a teasing seriousness, and Ronnie barked out a laugh. He clapped Stein on the shoulder, silently thanking him for trying to calm him down. He peering around as their friends started to gather around outside S.T.A.R. Labs, and Ronnie took a deep breath, trying to take it a moment at a time.

Barry and Eddie came into the clearing and made their way over to Joe, Cisco, and Iris. Iris smirked when she saw the two of them, freshly showered, faces glowing, hands clasped together as if they were afraid to let go. "Wow," She said as they walked over to them, "you _actually_ made it on time. Shocking."

"Ha-ha." Barry replied dryly, resisting the temptation to stick his tongue out at her. "I _am_ capable of being on time... once in a while."

"More like once in a _blue moon_." Cisco chimed in, and Joe snorted out a laugh, before abashedly covering his mouth with a hand, though it did nothing to hide his grin.

Surrounded by betrayal, Barry glared around at the three of them with an indignant scowl. "Gee, why don't you all tell me how you _really_ feel?"

Cisco smirked. "Challenge accepted." He lifted up his hand and began ticking off his fingers. "One, you-" He stopped short when he saw Caitlin come out the side door of the building. Following his gaze, they all turned to stare at her.

She was absolutely resplendent in her gown, hair pinned up on one side, her makeup making her look simply radiant. Caitlin was always beautiful, but today, she could have rivaled a goddess for grace, poise, and elegance. Carefully walking out onto the grass, she smiled brilliantly at them all, and when she laid eyes on Ronnie, her smile nearly outshone the sun.

Iris made a noise in the back of her throat and put her hands to her cheeks. She was so unbelievably happy for Caitlin and being a sucker for weddings, she knew that by the end of the ceremony, she'd be a blubbering mess. Joe slung a comforting arm around her and Iris leaned her head on her dad’s shoulder for support. Barry, Eddie, and Cisco stood off to the other side, Barry still clinging to Eddie with one hand, the other resting on Cisco's shoulder.

"Our little girl's all grown up." Cisco whispered, wiping a fake tear from his eye, and Barry scoffed quietly, giving him a nudge to shush him.

When Caitlin and Ronnie were standing side by side, Stein motioned to everyone. "If it's quite all right, I'd like to skip all the Hebrew." They all chuckled with relief, and Stein closed his book, glad to see that he wasn’t the only one with a casual disdain for the religious pomp and circumstance.

“Over this past year, I've learned a lot about merging one's life with another. Yet, for all the incredible advancements in science we've been party to, the mystery that brings two people together through love is still the province of magic.”

Stein briefly flicked his gaze to Eddie, remember that it wasn't just Caitlin and Ronald who'd found love in these trying times, but found that he only had eyes for Barry. _Magic indeed_ , he thought, and grinning, Stein cleared his throat. “Mr. Ramon, the rings, if you please."

Digging the rings out of his pocket, Cisco rushed forward as Caitlin handed off her bouquet to Iris. He knelt down between Caitlin and Ronnie, holding out his hand to offer up the rings. She chuckled and smiled down at him endearingly as they plucked each other's rings from his open palm, thinking that his display couldn't be any more perfect than if they'd planned it. She mouthed the words _thank you_ , and Cisco quickly stood up, hurrying back to stand beside Barry once more.

Caitlin took Ronnie's hand and put the ring on his finger, before holding out her hand for him to do the same. Ronnie slipped the ring onto Caitlin's extended finger, grinning at her sheepishly. "I owe you a real ring." He said.

He'd spent the last day or so helping Cisco build a time machine, and making the rings had been something of a rush job. The materials had been easy to come by in the lab, silver and copper, and he'd melted them down before soldering them together. The shaping had been the hardest part, and though he hadn't been completely satisfied with result, Cisco had reassured him that Caitlin wouldn't care about what it looked like, as long as it came from the heart. Judging by the bright grin on her face, he'd been right.

"I don't need one." She said, looking around at all her friends, who had become more like a family to her over the past year. "I have _everything_ and _everyone_ that I could ever need right here." Caitlin looked back at Ronnie, gazing adoringly into his eyes. "And... if everything we've been through has led us to this moment, then it was _worth_ it. I love you, Ronnie."

Taking that as his cue, Stein spoke the words the two of them had been waiting hear for years. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Ronnie smirked at Stein. "Stop telling me what to do." He said wryly, pulling Caitlin to him, his hands coming up to cup her neck as he leaned in to kiss her sweetly. Everyone cheered and applauded, and Iris let out a whoop, lifting the bouquet into the air in a victory pose. Joe took his phone from his pocket to snap a photo of them, and when they broke the kiss, peering out at their friends as husband and wife, the cheering got even louder.

 

*~*~*

 

Iris leaned back against the main console and surveyed the cortex as she took a sip of her champagne. They had filed back into the building after the wedding to celebrate Caitlin and Ronnie’s nuptials, all of them wanting to steal away a precious few minutes together before the other shoe dropped. Her dad had produced a bottle of champagne, and Ronnie had done the honors of popping the cork, pouring the bubbly into the Dixie cups that Cisco had stashed away in his lab. Toasts had been made, declarations of love and friendship had been exchanged, and now they were all making merry, while they still had the chance.

Caitlin had changed from her gown back into her work clothes, and she was all but glued to Ronnie’s side as Professor Stein regaled them both with a tale from his own newlywed days. Her dad and Cisco were off to one side, giggling about something Cisco was showing him on his phone, and going by the furtive glances they were tossing Caitlin and Ronnie’s way, it was undoubtedly something from their days before the explosion.

Rolling her eyes fondly at how her dad seemed to regress in maturity when Cisco was around, Iris looked to Barry and Eddie, who were seated a good deal away from the festivities. Eddie had taken up residence in the chair in front of Caitlin’s workstation, with Barry perched in his lap, an arm slung around Eddie's shoulders, and they were simply watching their friends with warm -albeit wistful- smiles on their faces. Barry turned his head to whisper something to Eddie, who chuckled quietly and kissed Barry lightly in response.

Pushing herself up off the console, she crossed the room and coming to a stop in front of them, she peered down at them with a quixotic expression. “You two seem uncharacteristically happy, all things considered.” Iris arched a brow. “What did you guys do? Besides screw each other’s brains out, like you normally do when the shit’s hit the fan.”

“Nothing.” Barry said with feigned innocence and lifted his cup to his lips. The champagne had no effect on him whatsoever, but it was tradition to drink it when people got engaged or married. He had asked Caitlin when they'd gotten back inside if she'd had any more of her super potent alcohol concoction lying around somewhere, so he could give the champagne a little bit of a kick, but she had shaken her head sadly, telling him that with everything that had been going on, making more had been the last thing on her mind. With no alternatives, he had gratefully accepted a cup of champagne and had been knocking it back like a pro, even though to him, it was just expensive fizzy water.

Eddie snorted into his cup and shook his head. “You are a _horrible_ liar, you know that?” He asked, eyeing Barry knowingly. “To this day, I _still_ don’t know how you hid being the Flash from me for so long.”

“Or me.” Iris added with a smirk.

“Are we back on this _again_?" He gave them both a look. "You know I was joking earlier, when I said to tell me how you really felt.”

“Relax, Bar, we’re just teasing.” Eddie said soothingly, dropping a kiss on Barry’s cheek. Somewhat placated, Barry harrumphed and settled back against Eddie. He looked up at Iris and shrugged his shoulders.

“To answer your question, we’re happy just doing what everyone else is doing, making the most of the time we have.” With the hand holding his cup, Barry motioned around the cortex. “Hanging out with friends and family, celebrating, enjoying life…”

He lowered his hand, resting his cup on his thigh and that’s when she saw it. Flabbergasted, Iris' eyes immediately went to Eddie's hand, and her own cup slipped from her fingers, hitting the floor with a plastic _thunk_ , champagne spilling everywhere.

"Party foul!" Cisco crowed, and a round of applause went up in her honor for the graceful display.

Flushing at the outpouring of sarcasm, Iris darted into Caitlin's lab to grab the paper towels from her supply drawer and rushed back out. She knelt down to mop up the mess and Barry climbed off Eddie's lap to crouch down beside her, taking some paper towels off the roll to help her clean up.

"Oh, my God!" She hissed at him quietly. "You _didn't_!"

"Didn't what?" Barry asked, furrowing his brow questioningly.

She pointed at his hand with a soaking paper towel, and then pointed at Eddie's hand. Realization dawned on their faces and Barry grinned cheekily at her. "Jesus, you _did_..." She breathed, a thunderstruck expression on her face. "You... you _assholes_!"

Eddie leaned over in the chair. "And how, pray tell, does that make us assholes?" He whispered, struggling to contain a smirk.

"Shall I count the ways?" Iris sat back on her heels and glared at them. "You guys didn't tell anyone, you didn't tell _me_ , and you're just sitting here like _nothing_ happened."

"Because for all intents and purposes, that's _exactly_ what happened. _Nothing_."

"But I- _you_ -"

Taking the soiled napkins from Iris' hands, Barry shifted around the throw the whole mess into the garbage can under Caitlin's station. Spinning back around, he put a hand on her elbow. "I want you to look at Caitlin and Ronnie."

Doing as she was asked, she craned her head around and looked at the two of them. Cisco was pouring more champagne into Ronnie's cup, despite his protests that he'd already had enough, and Caitlin was gazing up at him as if she couldn't believe that the wonderful man at her side, whom she thought had died, only to be thankfully proven wrong when he reappeared in her life once more, was finally, officially, her husband. And when Ronnie lifted his now full cup in a toast to her, the woman who had stuck by him even when he'd seemingly gone stark raving mad, it was obvious that he couldn't believe his luck either. Their happiness radiated off them, infusing every inch of the room, and Iris found herself smiling. Iris looked back to Barry and Eddie. "Okay, your point?"

"The point is that this is everything Caitlin's ever wanted. When she thought she'd lost Ronnie, she was devastated. And when she found out he was alive, only to lose him again after him and Stein went into hiding, it hurt her even more. But now, she has him back, they have _each other_ , and today is the day she's been dreaming about since Ronnie proposed to her. The last thing either of us wanted to do was horn in on her big day. So we decided to keep quiet and let her have her moment."

Iris' chin began wobbling. "Oh, _Barry_..." She flung out her arms, pulling him into a hug and nearly squeezed the life out of him. Only Barry would defer any praise or attention on the biggest day of his life, all so his friend could be the one in the limelight. "You are _such_ an idiot. A big, _romantic_ idiot."

"Actually," Barry gasped, thinking he was going to pass out from oxygen deprivation, " _Eddie's_ the romantic."

"It's true. Though every time he accuses me of it, he says it like it's a _bad_ thing." Eddie leered at him, though it was a wasted effort, as Barry was too busy being suffocated to see it.

"I do _not_ \- Jeez, Iris, I can't _breathe_."

She quickly let him go and he let out a wheeze. "Sorry." She said meekly.

Barry cleared his throat and shook his head. "No, you're good." He then leveled a glare on Eddie. "And you're _wrong_." Barry adopted an imperious tone, sticking his nose in the air haughtily. "I merely _tease_ you about you cheesy romantic nature because I secretly love it."

Eddie snorted at him. "Nice save."

"Thank you."

Eddie bent his head down to snatch a kiss from Barry, who hummed and surged up into the kiss. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Iris punched Barry in the arm, effectively breaking their kiss when he reared back, clutching his arm as he stared at her like she'd gone mental.

" _Ow_." He said flatly.

"Oh, no, you do _not_ get to look at me with that annoyed expression on your face. You two are gonna spill, _right now_." Climbing to her feet, she went to the console to grab one of the chairs and rolled it across the room, setting it right in front of them so they could talk without being overheard. She sat down and Barry resituated himself back on Eddie's lap. Eddie looped an arm around his waist, placing his left hand over Barry’s, and Iris had to resist the temptation to whip out her phone to snap a photo of them.

“Dammit, stop being adorable and _talk_.”

“There’s not really much to tell.” Barry said. “After the, ahem, screwing, as you so _delicately_ put it, we were showering and Eddie made a joke about…” Barry hedged a little, as the comment had not only been centered around the idea that the timeline was coming to an end, but the fact that Wells had spent two weeks waxing philosophic about how Eddie would never get what he wanted, and though Iris was aware of that fact, he wasn’t certain the tale really needed that kind of a downer.

“Well, he joked about going out while still being unmarried. And I said that if the choice was to get married or have Wells be right, I’d take the former any day. So, Eddie got down on one knee, in the _shower_ , which I’m still shocked you didn’t break your neck doing it, and asked if I'd partake in a shotgun wedding.”

Iris snorted loudly. “It’s only a shotgun wedding if you’re _pregnant_.”

“That’s what _I_ said, to which my _oh so romantic_ fiancé replied…”

“ _I wasn’t going say anything, but I thought you’d been putting on weight recently_.”

Iris doubled over, nearly falling out of her chair with laughter. Everyone stopped in their conversations to turn and look at her, curious as to what had elicited such a reaction from her. Cisco tsked. “That’s it, she’s _officially_ cut off. No more bubbly for Miss Bubbles over there.”

When she finally got control of herself, Iris slumped back in the chair, chest sore and out of breath from laughing so hard. “Oh, God,” She wheezed, “Four hundred babies…”

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Four hundred babies?”

“Don’t even ask.” Barry chuckled fondly, remembering her declaration about the future of their love life from months back.

“Okay, okay, I can breathe again…” She tried to adopt a more decent composure, but the smirk on her face refused to go away. “Please continue.”

“So, after I was accused of putting on _baby weight_ ,” Barry stopped short when Eddie rubbed his stomach teasingly, and he was rewarded with an elbow to the gut for his efforts, “and after the ensuing battle of wills, that again, I’m shocked didn’t break either of our necks, I agreed to have a quickie wedding. But since this wonderfully accepting state of ours wouldn’t recognize our marriage, and we didn't have the time to wait around to see what the Supreme Court was going to decide, we made a quick trip to Illinois, where they _do_. We dumped two dollars worth of quarters into a gumball machine to get matching rings and then-”

“Wait, wait, _wait_." Iris held up a finger. "You mean to tell me that in all this, you couldn’t spring for _real_ rings?”

“It was a _spur of the moment_ kinda thing.” Eddie said defensively. “We didn’t really have a plan. We just knew there was nothing to lose, so why not make the most of what we had?”

"Except that you didn't, by not getting _real_ rings."

“But they work just as well.” Barry said. " _You_ couldn't even tell they were fake, not at first." Showing her their hands, she could see now with closer inspection that the gold glint was just a plastic sheen and when they flipped their hands over, she could see the gaps in the bands, where they could be adjusted for size. Iris groaned, thinking only men would be so short-sighted as to marry each other on a whim to prove a point, using _twenty-five cent_ rings.

“At any rate,” Barry said, picking up where he’d left off, “we got the rings and found the closest courthouse.”

“And after about ten minutes with a justice of the peace, it was official.” Eddie smiled and kissed the back of Barry’s neck. “I got the guy.”

“Yeah, you did.” Barry said lasciviously, twisting around to kiss Eddie properly and they traded a few quick pecks. He then turned back toward Iris and shrugged casually. “When it was all said and done, we rushed back home to, uhm…” A flush crept up on Barry’s cheeks, “uh, _consummate_ the marriage, had to shower again, and that’s when Cisco called to tell us to get our asses down here, before we missed Caitlin and Ronnie getting married.”

“God, _you guys_ …” Covering her heart with her hands, Iris felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. Standing up, she leaned over to hug them, awkward though it was, given their positions, and kissed both their cheeks. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you.” They said in unison.

Sitting back down, Iris arched a brow and looked at Eddie. “But you know my dad is going to kill you, right, if he finds out he didn't get to see his son tie the knot."

Eddie wagged a finger at her. “The operative word in that sentence being _if_. I just have to survive long enough for Barry to tear a hole in the fabric of reality, and then next time, I’ll do the whole thing properly.”

“Next time?”

“Oh, uh,” Barry said guiltily, and lowered his voice even more, leaning in conspiratorially, “For that, I _actually_ have a plan.”

"A plan?" Iris said, a note of disbelief in her voice. "Like your plan to see if the brown note really worked by piping it through the PA system in the football team's locker room?"

" _Hah_!" Eddie barked out, and he wondered what school would have been like for him, if he'd had Barry's ingenuity when it came to dealing with his tormentors. "I knew there was a reason I loved you."

Barry side-eyed him for a moment, a coy smirk on his lips, but he looked back to Iris, choosing to keep his snarky comments to himself. "No, not _that_ kind of plan. This one's going to work." He reached into his pocket to pull out the note he'd written and passed it to Iris. She read it, and then looked back up at them, the tears that had been threatening to fall now streaming down her face.

" _Barry_..." Crying, Iris stood up and flung herself at him again, nearly whacking Eddie in the face as she wrapped Barry up in another hug. "You really _are_ a romantic."

"Okay, what happened now?" Joe said from above them, causing them all to jump in surprise. Hearing Iris start to cry, he had walked over to see what had happened, but their reactions had him narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

Clearing her throat, Iris let Barry go and surreptitiously gave him the note back. She peered up at her dad, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Nothing. They did nothing... I'm just... happy. And sad."

Joe looked like he didn't believe her, or the innocent expressions Barry and Eddie were wearing, and he stared at the three of them intently, trying to determine what was going on, but he sighed when nothing immediate popped out at him. "It's almost time, Barry." He said.

Glancing around Joe, he saw that the little party was breaking up, the others cleaning up before the show got on the road. The full weight of what he was about to do hit him, after being momentarily forgotten in lieu of all the celebrating, and gathering his wits about him, Barry nodded his head. "That's my cue, I guess." He lifted himself up off of Eddie's lap and stretched, mindful to keep his wedding ring out of Joe's line of sight.

An odd thrill lanced through him at the thought of it, and he became acutely aware of the ring on his finger, the feel of it, the heft that was minimal, yet fantastically overwhelming. He was _married_. He had a _husband_. A husband who was doing an awful job of pretending he wasn't checking out his ass as he stretched, but a husband nonetheless. Barry tried to crystallize the heady sensations in his mind, willing it into sense memory, so when he met Eddie again, he'd remember what it felt like to be loved and cherished -and not the least bit objectified- by him.

"I should go change." Barry said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder toward the speed suit on the display dummy. He could be in it in the blink of an eye, but given the task that lay ahead of him, something told him that the moment needed a little more perspective and gravitas, and shouldn't be rushed. Touching Iris' shoulder as he passed by her, Barry made his way to the display case, to relieve the dummy of his suit. Folding it over his arm, he headed out of the cortex, making for the treadmill room, where he knew he'd have some privacy.

He was almost to the door when he heard footsteps quickly approaching from behind him, and Barry slowed, spinning around to see Eddie coming toward him. "What's wrong?" He asked, furrowing his brow.

"Nothing's wrong." Eddie replied, crowding into Barry's personal space, arms circling around his waist. "I just want to hear you say it, one last time."

Barry grinned and bumped his nose gently against Eddie's. "I've _already_ said it, like a hundred times. Hell, our neighbors probably knew about it before our friends did. And besides, it's not even official."

"Mmh, doesn't matter. Make it a hundred _and one_ times."

"Fine, if you _insist_." Barry exhaled a greatly put-upon sigh, but placed a soft kiss to the corner of Eddie's mouth. " _Barry_." He kissed the other side. " _Allen_." Barry then slotted their lips together in an intimate, albeit chaste, kiss. " _Thawne_." He breathed quietly, as though the word were a prayer.

Eddie hummed, eyes still closed as he basked in the sweet sound of Barry's voice. He opened his eyes and gazed lovingly at Barry, peering deep into the soul of the man who'd captured his heart, changed his life for the better, and would do so again, in any world, in any time.

"Thank you."

 

* * *

 

“Okay," Cisco started, "so there are gonna be _three_ yous back there... the you from the future who saved younger you from the Reverse-Flash and now _you_ you. Remember, wait until future you gets younger you out of there, and then you can go and save your mom.” It sounded convoluted, but pretty much everything about the whole time travel business was convoluted.

Barry traded a wry grin with Cisco. "Piece of cake."

“May the Speed Force be with you.” He replied, holding up his hand so they could bump fists, in lieu of a goodbye.

Barry wanted to hug him, but he thought it would seem too final, and if he could find Eddie, he was going to make damn sure he found Cisco -and Caitlin- as well. Nodding at Cisco, Barry turned on his heel and faced Joe, clapping a hand on his shoulder. His features softened and Barry smiled at him sadly. “Goodbye, dad.” When Joe’s face crumpled with emotion, Barry wrapped his arms around him in a fierce embrace.

“Goodbye, son.” Joe murmured, pride bleeding through his choked up voice. Barry had grown up to be the kind of man Joe always knew he could be, and letting go of him was harder than he'd thought it would be, not that letting go of your children was supposed to be easy. But Barry had been a part of his and Iris' life even before Wells had shown up, so he consoled himself with the fact that he wasn't letting go of him forever.

After a tensely poignant moment, Barry released Joe, with no small amount of regret and moved to stand in front of Iris. Cupping his cheeks in her hands, she tilted his head down and stood up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his forehead.

“I hope that plan of yours works." She said quietly, holding back on her tears. "And that it makes you happy.” There was a faint lipstick mark on his forehead and holding him still with one hand, she used the other to wipe the mark away. “Good luck.” She said, refusing to say goodbye. She knew that whatever the future had in store for him, they’d always be in each other’s lives, and knowing Barry, no matter how much he changed time, he’d still be in constant need of someone to whack him upside the head and tell him how much of an idiot he was being.

“Thank you.” He smiled down at her, giving her arms one last squeeze before turning to Eddie. Barry took Eddie's hands in his own, gripping them tight as he took a second to memorize every contour, laugh line and freckle on his face.

Eddie rubbed his thumbs over Barry's gloved fingers, tracing the faint lines of his ring through the material. "I guess I'll see you next lifetime."

Barry huffed out a sad laugh and nodded his head. "Yeah... yeah, you will."

They locked gazes for a moment, before Eddie threw caution -and propriety- into the wind and tugged Barry into a crushing embrace, capturing his mouth in a slow, languorous kiss.

"Okay, _that's_ happening." Cisco said, averting his eyes to give them some privacy. Joe cleared his throat and glanced down at his shoes, doing his best to pretend that he couldn't hear the sound of the two of them kissing, which was a tough row to hoe, considering that the pipeline chamber they were in had uncomfortably good acoustics. Iris pursed her lips, trying to stifle a laugh at Cisco and her father acting like they'd never seen Barry and Eddie kiss before.

After a drawn out moment, Barry reluctantly broke the kiss, placing a final few pecks on his lips before pulling away completely. Barry let go of his hands and raised an arm to caress Eddie's face, fingers trailing over his temple, across his cheekbones and down to the trace the lines of his jaw, burning an imprint into his mind that would help jar something loose when they met again.

The tips of Barry's gloved fingers passed over his lips and Eddie pressed a kissed to them. "It's time, Bar..." He said, though the last thing he wanted was for Barry to leave him, "Go save your mom."

With a forefinger and thumb, Barry cradled his chin tenderly and leaned in to steal one last kiss. He then gazed soulfully into Eddie's eyes. "I'll always love you." Barry swore fervently.

An eerie sense of déjà vu washed over Eddie, but he shrugged it off and nodded his head at the solemn promise. Taking a breath, Barry stepped back and looked to Cisco, who tapped at the monitor to open the blast door. Barry reached back to grab his mask and pulled it snug over his face. Once it was secure, he slid his fingers into his belt, where he'd tucked the note, to make sure it was secure.

Certain that it was safe, he stepped through the doors, resisting the urge to look back over his shoulder as the blast door closed behind him. He had to stay focused, and second-guessing himself wouldn’t help with that. Giving himself a mental shake, Barry walked across the narrow platform and right over Wells’ pod as he made his way down to the heart of the pipeline.

Professor Stein's voice came over the loudspeakers. "Remember, Mr. Allen, assuming you achieve the proper velocity and open the wormhole, you will only have one minute and fifty-two seconds to save your mother and return. Or else..."

"I know." It was all or nothing, and if there was one skill he'd picked up since awaking from his coma, it was giving it his all. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. Stepping into the pipeline, Barry made his way back around to the front of Wells’ pod and for a moment, they just silently stared at each other, neither wanting to admit just how much they hated the other, or just how much they cared.

Barry thought he could almost understand how Wells had felt, loathing someone so intently, yet unable to stop the complex mix of emotions from growing inside them. It was hard to shake off the memories of how closely they'd worked together, and how at one time, he'd idolized Wells. Still, all the selfless acts in the world wouldn't make up for what he'd done and no matter his past feelings, Barry was glad he would soon be out of all their lives.

"You hold both our futures in your hands now, Mr. Allen.” Wells said, breaking the tension building between them. He could clearly see the struggle playing on Barry's features, and he needed him to be absolutely focused, not scatterbrained due to his need for emotional clarity. It was unimportant to the task at hand  “I _know_ you can do it." He added, to give him a confidence boost and instill that focus in him. "Now... _run_ , Barry. _Run_.”

Backing away from the pod, Barry came to a halt at the center of the pipeline and inhaled deeply, bouncing a little on his heels to psych himself up. Exhaling sharply, he shifted on his feet into a runner's stance before taking off. The pipeline morphed into a gray blur, and with every circuit he completed, Barry felt himself pick up speed. His mark of progress was Wells' pod, and after passing it for the dozenth or so time, he heard a crack, followed by a rumbling and he knew he'd broken the sound barrier.

His breath caught in his throat when images suddenly appeared at the edges of his vision, images of himself and Iris as children, of a woman with snow white hair, and of what appeared to be himself in prison.

"Barry," Wells said to him, voice coming through the earpiece in his suit, "what you're seeing is the Speed Force. Your past, you present, your future, all at once. You need to focus on where you want to go. So think about... that night. Think about your _mother_."

His thoughts turned to his mother, and just like that, a slew of images from that night appeared before him. "Mom!" He heard his younger self cry, and it was followed by a voice he hadn't heard in fourteen years.

"Barry!" His mother screamed, sending a chill down Barry's spine. He had achieved the necessary velocity and in the time it took to wonder when they'd release the hydrogen particle, he'd collided with it. The world changed from gray to blue as the wormhole took shape around him. In an instant, he was in his old bedroom, the sight of it jarring him to the very core. He'd almost forgotten what it looked like, and for a nostalgic moment, he took it all in. His telescope tucked into the corner near the window, the planets hanging from the ceiling, the ones him and his father had spent a weekend making. His eyes landed on the fish tank, half full of water, the floor around it wet from where the tachyons had caused the water to rise into the air.

Remembering why he was there, Barry crept out of the room and down the stairs, trying to stay hidden from the chaotic melee that got louder the closer and closer he got. Edging down the hallway, he cracked the door open, peeking out into the maelstrom.

"Mom!" His younger self cried again, more desperately this time, and Barry vividly remembered just how frightened he'd been, coming face to face with the impossible.

"Nora!" His dad shouted from outside the ring of crackling lightning. "Hold on!" Barry opened the door wider, preparing to make his move when his future self caught sight of him. They stared across the room at one another, stunned by the sight of the other, and then his future self held up a hand, shaking his head. Barry tilted his head in confusion, but his future self looked toward his father and younger self. With a heavy heart, Barry backed out of the doorway and pressed himself up against the wall, listening as he was whisked away to safety. There was a cry of anger, followed by a thud, and he knew his dad had been knocked out.

Barry closed his eyes, knowing what came next. Hot tears coursed down his cheeks as the screaming began anew, but instead of doing what he'd come there to do, save his mother, save his family, and give his parents the note that would drastically alter his future and lead him back to Eddie, he just stood there, hidden, listening to the inevitable.

"No, no, no!" His mother wailed, her pleas unable to deter the knife from viciously being thrust into her heart. Barry winced at the horrendous sound of it, thinking he'd never be able to un-hear it, no matter how hard he tried. There was another thud and a crackle alerted him to the fact that Wells - _Eobard_ \- had vanished, off to celebrate his victory, before he would realize that it hadn't been a victory at all, but the beginning of his downfall.

Silence descended upon the house and Barry finally moved, pushing himself off the wall and into the dining room. He hurried over to his mother's prone form and he knelt down, touching her arms to carefully roll her over. She stared up at him with glassy, terrified eyes and he quietly soothed her. "Hey. It's okay, it's okay. You're okay." He said, though he knew it was a baldfaced lie.

"Please." She gasped, glancing around with scattershot eyes. "My husband, my son, are they..."

Barry nodded his head reassuringly, rubbing his thumbs in gentle, comforting circles on her arms. "They're okay. They're both safe, I promise."

She stared up at him, a crease forming between her eyebrows. "Who are you?"

"I'm..." He hesitated for a moment, not sure if he should tell her the truth. "I'm the Flash." He said finally.

"I don't understand."

Of course she didn't. The Flash didn't exist yet, and unlike the Nora Allen of his future self's world, she would never learn who he was, or know the things he could. She'd never look at him with pride as golden statues were built in his honor and the people of Central City chanted his name. It was too cruel, to watch her final moments, and yet not tell her who he really was. If Eddie had taught him anything, it was that even when it hurt, when it was confusing and fraught with complications, it was always better to tell the truth, then to make things worse with lies.

Coming to a decision, Barry pulled his mask off and brushed it back behind his neck. Sniffling, he peered down at her sheepishly, not sure if he was more afraid that she'd somehow recognize him, or that she wouldn't.

"You look just like my father."

Unable to help himself, Barry grinned at that, though it melted away just as quickly as it appeared. "This won't make any sense, but... it's _me_ , mom. It's Barry."

" _Barry_?" She asked incredulously.

" _Your_ Barry." He croaked, tears spilling down his nose and falling onto his mother's bloodstained shirt.

Her hands immediately went to his face, cradling his cheeks tenderly. She could see it now, in his eyes, in his open expression, that this _truly_ was her son. "Oh, my beautiful boy."

He covered her hands with his own, selfishly relishing the long-forgotten sensation of how it felt to be held by her, to feel the unconditional love that had always radiated off of her. "I got a second chance to come back here and... tell you that I'm okay. Dad and I are both okay. And we love you, mom." Barry couldn't stop a sob from escaping his throat. " _I_ love you."

"I love you, my _sweet_ boy." She gasped again, the pain too much to bear, but she refused to let go of him, not when he'd somehow achieved the impossible to come back to her, one last time. "Goodbye." She whispered. "Goodbye, Barry."

"Mom. _Mom_." He tried to cajole her back to life, but it was of no use. She'd breathed her last, and Barry watched as the light faded from her eyes, before finally going out for good. Ducking his head, he buried his face in her chest, begging for just one more minute with her, but her heart refused to begin beating once more. Barry wept, fingers curling around the fabric of her sweater. All he'd ever wanted was to hear her voice again, to hug her, and tell her how much he loved her, but not once in his imaginings had he ever thought it would be like _this_. He'd finally gotten his wish, but fulfilling it meant watching her die.

He sat back up, his features hardening into a scowl. He'd not been able to save her, but he could still get justice for her. Reluctantly, he let go of his mother and stood up. He still had time to go back and prevent Wells from escaping his own time, having not atoned for his sins. Barry put his mask back on and squared his shoulders. He was going back. Back to stop Wells, back to his family, back to his _husband_. He'd said it to Iris, on the rooftop of Jitters, he'd had a great life, and he was going to make damn sure he kept on living it, never taking it for granted again.

 

*~*~*

 

Wells opened the hatch to the time sphere just as the wormhole flared brilliantly for a second, and an object came shooting out of it. There was a metallic grating sound as a winged silver kettle helmet slid across the concrete of the pipeline. As one, Wells, Joe, and Cisco turned to stare at it.

"What the hell is _that_?" It wasn't even the strangest thing Joe had seen that day, but he didn't know if it was a bad sign or not, that it had come out of the wormhole Barry had opened. He looked back at Wells questioningly, grip tightening on his gun.

Wells arched a brow. " _That's_ my cue to leave." He said quixotically, certain that Cisco and Joe didn't really want to know about what the helmet portended. He took a step toward Cisco, hands coming up to touch his elbows in a genuine display of emotion, knowing that the only thing he'd miss about the savage past was the friendship they had forged. "Thank you, Cisco.” He said fondly.

“Don't ever come back.” Cisco replied, unable to look him in the eyes. Try as he might, he couldn't erase the image of Wells stopping his heart from his mind. It didn't matter how much Wells claimed to care about him, or how he'd come to think of him as a son, because at the end of the day, he'd still _killed_ him. And then he'd had the audacity to claim that it had been for a good reason, when Cisco had confronted him with the knowledge of the previous timeline. And he didn't even want to _think_ about the so-called gift he'd taken the credit for bestowing upon him. Too much damage had been done, and Cisco knew he'd never be able to forgive him for what he'd done.

Expression hardening, Wells dropped his arms and nodded minutely. Turning back toward the time sphere, he clambered into it and closed the hatch behind him. He took one last moment to appreciate the hard work Cisco had put into creating the sphere, before switching it on and tapping at the controls. The sphere lifted into the air, and Wells spun it around to face the wormhole. "Home." He whispered with a relieved grin, almost as if to remind himself that it was really happening. Everything that he'd work so hard on, all his careful planning, they had led him _here_.

Just as he was about to enter the wormhole, it flared up again, and another object came hurdling out of it. Wells squinted, and then his eyes widened dramatically as the unmistakable form of Barry flew directly at him. At his velocity, his extended fist punched right through the sphere's safety glass as though it were rice paper, the blow landing squarely on his jaw. The concussive force of his reentry destroyed the sphere, glass and metal whipping through the air, lifting Cisco and Joe off their feet and sprawling back onto the floor. Wells went tumbling through the debris, blacking out when his head made contact with the concrete.

He came to after only a few seconds, lifting his head up to survey his surroundings. Nothing had changed. Barry had come back through the wormhole and _nothing had changed_. There had been no ripple effect from saving Nora, which meant Barry hadn't done it. Nothing had changed and he was still _stuck_ here. "You didn't save her!" He screamed, tossing aside a piece of the sphere as he pushed himself up onto his knees. Wells glared hatefully at Barry, who was similarly picking himself up off the ground. "Why? _Why_?" Wells shouted at him. "You could have had the life you wanted! You could have had _everything_ you ever wanted!"

Shakily climbing to his feet, Barry shook his head ruefully. "I already do." He hadn't realized it before, but it was the absolute truth. Wells may have taken so much from him, but he'd received _so_ much more in return. And now, he was back to fight for all that he had gained.

Growling, Wells stood up and tugged his mask over his face, eyes glowing red as his anger reached a boiling point. "Not for long."

Wells came barreling toward him and Barry immediately threw his arms up, deflecting the initial attack. Enraged, Wells began raining punches down on him, and Barry blasted away, up out of the pipeline and onto the walkway, but Wells was there to keep him from getting too far. Barry swung at him, but as always, Wells was simply too fast, and he ducked under the blow, body checking him into the wall. Pain radiated from his back, but Barry ignored it, planting his foot on the wall to launch himself away, momentum carrying him up into the air and over the pods, but Wells was upon him once more. Gaining the upper hand, Wells punched him hard enough to send him crashing back down into the pipeline.

Barry groaned, trying to get his feet back under him as he shook his head, clearing his vision of the stars that had exploded behind his eyes from the seemingly earth-shattering impact. It was of no use, however, as Wells appeared above him before he could get his bearings straight, grabbing the front of his suit to yank him up and he began hitting him, again and again and again.

Eddie thundered across the walkway, frantically searching for Barry. The second the monitors had picked up his reentry from the wormhole, Eddie had ran headlong out of the cortex, ignoring Iris and Stein's shouts. Hearing a cry of agony, Eddie spun around and saw him, pinned to the wall by Wells, who was mercilessly lighting into him with furious rage. Joe tried squeezing off a round at him, but Wells stopped long enough to catch the bullet midair and carelessly toss it aside before resuming his relentless assault. Even from a distance, Eddie could see blood pouring down Barry's face as Wells attempted to cave his skull in. Joe and Cisco stood off to the side, not knowing what to do, helpless to intervene in any way.

They wouldn't stand a chance against Wells, as the past year had more than shown them. It had taken Barry, Oliver, Ronnie and Professor Stein working in tandem to take him down, and they had all taken a severe beating in the process. Three metas and a highly trained vigilante had barely eked out a victory, and Joe and Cisco knew that by themselves, they'd not be able to pull a second one out of their hats.

Hopping off the walkway, Eddie landed in a crouch, mind racing as he tried to come up with a plan to stop Wells. All they could hope to do was distract him for a few seconds, to give Barry enough time to get up and catch his second wind. Caitlin and Ronnie had shut down the wormhole, and if they'd gotten back to the cortex, to see what he had seen on the monitors, perhaps Ronnie and Stein could merge into Firestorm, to assist Barry in taking Wells down once more.

Barry let out another cry, ripping Eddie from his thoughts, and Wells reared back, tearing off his mask so he could give Barry the benefit of seeing his face one last time, before he killed him. "Just so we're clear, after I kill you, I'm going to kill _them_." He pointed a vicious finger at Joe and Cisco. "And then I'm going to kill your _father_. Because I _always_ win, Flash."

Watching Wells raise his vibrating hand, preparing to strike a killing blow, Eddie's world narrowed down to the few seconds between the intent and the action. Time seemed to screech to a halt and Eddie stared at the precipice before him. Wells was going to kill Barry, and he could clearly see the defeat in his eyes. He'd been bested. He wasn't the fastest man alive, and there no obvious way to win this one.

 _Obvious. It's so obvious_. A solution to their problems took shape in Eddie's mind, and shocked that he hadn't thought of it before, he ripped the gun from his holster, thumbing back the hammer as he placed the barrel to his chest, directly over his heart. Stein had been wrong. All those coincidences he said they couldn't account for, they hadn't been coincidences at all, not really. The things Wells had sworn weren't supposed to have come to pass, the chance meeting that he swore he was going to undo, every unexpected choice that had threatened the future Wells had been so desperate to get back to, they had all been leading up to this moment, placing him into the exact position necessary to make _this_ choice, and Eddie selflessly chose to save the man he so desperately loved. The world needed Barry, needed the Flash, and Eddie would be damned if he was going to let Wells rob the world of him.

There was no way in hell he was going to sit idly by, watching Barry's death at the hands of a madman, a madman who bore _his_ name and _his_ blood, not when Eddie had the chance to prevent it. _If you can do it, you have a responsibility_ to _do it_. Those had been his words to Barry, to convince him that saving his mother was the right thing to do, and now, it was time to live -and die- by those words. Closing his eyes, Eddie reverently whispered Barry's name and pulled the trigger.

The shot echoed through the pipeline and Wells suddenly faltered, his expression morphing from anger to one of complete and utter surprise. He released Barry, who collapsed onto the ground, and he stared at his hands in shock. Cisco whipped his head around wildly to see where the shot had come from, and a chill went up his spine. “Oh, my...” Stunned, he covering his mouth with a hand.

Blinking, Barry slowly sat up, staring at Wells in confusion, unsure of what had just happened. “Eddie! _What did you do_?!” He heard Joe shout, and his blood ran cold at the sound of Joe's panicked voice. Barry saw him running toward Eddie, who had fallen to the ground, a red stain blossoming on his shirt. His gun clattered against the concrete and Barry felt as though his very soul had just been ripped out of him.

“ _Eddie_!” He screamed, feeling his throat tear from the ferocity of it. In an instant, he was at Eddie's side, mask off and tucked behind his neck, staring desperately down at him, trying to think of what he could do to save Eddie. He'd stopped Oliver from stroking out with only seconds to spare, he could save Eddie from this. Barry peered down at the concrete underneath him, and he felt his stomach drop. There was no blood pooling under Eddie, which meant there was no exit wound.

There was, however, splatters of blood on Eddie's lips, and that meant the bullet had torn through his heart and lodged itself in his lung. With no exit wound on a close range shot, there was no way of telling what other damage the bullet may have done, ricocheting around his vital organs. Even if he rushed Eddie to a hospital, the hydrostatic shock from the bullet's impact had started a cardio-pulmonary shutdown. He was already dead, and the only reason he was still conscious was because his brain, beginning to suffer from oxygen deprivation, hadn't yet shut down. 

"Eddie!" Barry wailed, clasping their hands together, as if to will the life back into him.

_The whole world tilted sideways and Eddie felt his heart explode in his chest. Vision going white, he heard Barry’s voice, echoing both inside his head and all around him_. The image of his dream flashed before his eyes once more, the same dream where he'd seen the singularity devouring the city and a coughing laugh escaped Eddie's lips, along with more droplets of blood. He looked up at Barry and Joe with wide eyes. "There's no such thing as a coincidence." He wheezed.

Joe looked from Eddie's pale face up to Wells, surprised that he hadn't made to attack Barry again, when he finally saw that he was just standing there, immobile and looking terrified for the first time since he'd known him. Joe glanced over at Cisco. “What's happening?!”

“Eddie's his ancestor.” Cisco said breathlessly. “If Eddie dies, he'll never be born, and...” Aghast, he looked to Wells, who already succumbing to the paradox. “He's being erased from existence.” Even as he spoke, Wells' whole visage began to change, shifting from Wells to Eobard.

“No! _No_! Eddie!" Barry leaned down to gently stroke Eddie's hair with his free hand. "Eddie, no, no..." He started to cry, not wanting to believe that he had to go through this _again_. He'd just witnessed his mother die, listening to her last gasping breaths as he clung to her for dear life, and now he had to watch Eddie die, for something that hadn't even been his fault. Because of some trespass Wells had believed him of committing, his mother had suffered for it, an innocent bystander in a fight that had nothing to do with her, and Eddie was yet another victim of the same fate. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair, and he hated himself for not realizing what was truly important sooner. If he had, Eddie wouldn't have had to sacrifice himself to save him. "Stay with me, please?" He begged, voice thick with tears. " _Stay_.”

Reaching up with a trembling hand, Eddie cupped Barry's cheek. He didn't regret his choice, he'd _never_ regret being able to save the man he loved, but he did regret the look of overwhelming sorrow on Barry's face. “It's okay." Eddie whispered, trying to assuage him. "It'll _all_ be okay."

"No," Barry bent down to rest their foreheads together and sobbed quietly. "No, it _won't_. _'Til_ _death do us part_ wasn't supposed to be _today_. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together."

Dumbfounded, Joe and Cisco traded glances, and Joe looked back at Barry and Eddie. There was no going back on this one. This was the last time any of them would see Eddie alive and there was nothing _any_ of them could do to change it. Feeling his heart snap in two, Joe backed away to give Barry space to say his goodbyes, grabbing Cisco as he moved farther back, to give Barry and Eddie the privacy they deserved.

"You think I won't always be there, looking out for you?" Barry didn't believe in things like that, but Eddie _had_ to believe that a part of himself would always be inside Barry, inside his heart, giving him a reason to fight, and to _live_. Barry managed to smile at that, and despite the enormous amount of pain he was experiencing, Eddie was glad he was able to see that wonderful smile one more time. He had such a bright, effervescent smile, and Eddie had always thought he'd resembled an overeager puppy, much to Barry's chagrin. If it was to be the last thing he ever saw, his husband smiling down on him, then he knew he could go out happy.

Behind them, Wells made a sound, somewhere between a laugh and a choke, but Eddie didn't have the strength to twist his head around, to have the satisfaction of seeing the effects of his victory firsthand. Barry didn't even glance up at him once, not wanting to miss a single moment of the brief time they had left together, and Eddie swept a thumb under Barry's puffy, red, oh so beautiful eyes. "He was wrong, it turns out... I mattered after all.” Rescuing Barry had been more than worth the cost, but the knowledge that he'd been able to prove Wells wrong was a little rewarding, too.

“You do, Eddie. You've _always_ mattered. And you'll _always_ be my hero.”

A weak grin spread across Eddie's face as he felt Barry's tears spatter down onto his cheeks. "That's all I ever wanted to be..." He gasped, squeezing Barry's hand tightly as his vision began to narrow. "I'll always love you." He breathed, before going completely still.

Just like that, he was gone, and Barry slumped over, a piece of him dying right alongside with Eddie. He wanted curse at the universe, for constantly taking _everything_ that he ever loved from him, but it wasn't the universe's fault. It was _his_. All his broken promises, every mistake he'd made when it came to what mattered most, they had been _his_ failings, and they had ended up costing Eddie his life. Eddie had paid for his mistakes and it was all his fault.

He heard a rueful laugh, and Barry lifted his head to finally come face to face with Eobard Thawne. The family resemblance was remarkable, and at the thought, Barry glared at him with a pure, seething hatred that he'd _never_ before felt. "I've controlled your life for so long..." He said, too concerned with his imminent erasure to care what Barry thought about him. "How will you get along without me?"

Barry almost got up to stalk over to him and get in one last shot, all while screaming that he hadn't been controlling his life, he'd been _ruining_ it, so much so that his own flesh and blood had thought it better to kill himself than to watch him continue his reign of terror, but before he could turn thought into reality, the paradox literally began eating him away. In unsettled silence, they watched as Eobard scattered into a million pieces, before disappearing altogether.

There was no breath of relief, however, for as soon as he was gone, the building started to shake, and the wormhole that had been closed minutes before ripped itself back into existence. It rose into the air as it grew, and wind began blowing in the pipeline, a side effect of the vacuum it had created.

Cisco took a hesitant step backward as debris from the time sphere was picked up and sucked into the wormhole. "Guys, that's _not_ good."

The shaking became more violent, the force of the wormhole cracking the concrete underneath it. Joe ran over to Barry and put a hand on his shoulder. "We've got to go." When Barry didn't move, he tried again, cajoling him harder. Equipment rained down from above them, and Joe became frantic. "Barry, we _have_ to go!"

“I'm _not_ leaving him.” Barry cried, fingers clawing into the fabric of Eddie’s shirt. He deserved better than this, being carelessly left behind while everyone else ran to safety. Barry absolutely _refused_ to do that to him.

“We have to go _now_ , Bar!” Joe barked, slinging an arm around him. “I'm sorry.” He said, hoisting Barry up onto his feet, and he had to bring his full height and weight to bear against the struggle Barry put up. He had to all but bodily carry him out of the pipeline, and each step was sheer agony. Physically dragging his son away from his boyfriend, from his own partner, was the hardest thing Joe had ever had to do. It nearly killed him, turning his back on Eddie, listening to Barry's sobs as he followed Cisco to the elevator that would get them out of S.T.A.R. Labs, but the alternative was letting Barry stay down in the pipeline while the world crashed down around him, and he'd take the heartbreak over that _any_ day.

The elevator took them up out of the accelerator, and Joe nearly had a coronary when it suddenly stopped, thinking the destruction had somehow damaged the system, but the doors opened up to reveal Iris, Caitlin, Ronnie, and Stein. They anxiously piled into the elevator, Caitlin and Stein supporting Ronnie between them, and Iris wasted no time in tapping the _up_ button. She immediately waded through the press of bodies to help her father with Barry. He was bleeding from his nose and mouth, looking ready to pass out, and Iris put her shoulder under his arm, taking some of his weight onto herself. Joe shot her an appreciative look, though it vanished the moment the lights in the elevator began flickering.

For a tense moment, everyone held their breaths, waiting for the horrific sound of the cable snapping that would send the car plummeting down the elevator shaft. Instead, the display dinged when they reached the main floor, making them all jump. A nervous laugh erupted from Caitlin, but as soon as the doors open, she regained control of herself, helping Stein rush Ronnie out into the lobby. Iris and Joe were right behind them with Barry, and Cisco darted out in front of them all, making for the doors. Bursting through them, he grabbed the handle and held it open, so the others could get through without any difficulties.

The second they were out in the open, the sheer enormity of the situation hit them. The air was thick with screams, car alarms, and the blood curdling sound of metal on metal as it was being ripped away. The noise jarred Barry out of his agonized state and as they rounded the building toward the stairs, he stood up straight, regaining his own motor functions enough to stop Iris and Joe from carrying him any further. Everyone stopped short behind him, their gazes traveling up, up, _up_ to the maelstrom. The singularity had risen up from the bottom of the pipeline, swallowing up everything in its path until it had achieved its maximum angular momentum, high up in the sky above Central City.

They watched in horror as a skyscraper began to succumb to the gravitational pull, shattered glass and steel rebar being eaten away as the building cracked in the middle and started toppling over. Cars, office furniture, garbage, anything that hadn't been nailed down, it was all flying toward the event horizon, feeding it as it got bigger and bigger.

Cisco ran his hands through his hair as he stared up at what they had unintentionally created. "So _that's_ what we didn't want to happen." He yelled, in effort to be heard over the din of the chaos around them.

Barry pulled away from Joe and Iris, eyes never leaving the singularity as guilt welled up inside of him. This was all his fault. He'd listened to Wells about ignoring the risks, over Stein's dire warnings, he'd not been able to save his mother, and Eddie had killed himself to stop Wells from killing _him_. The wormhole had reappeared seconds after the paradox had erased Wells. His death must have triggered its reemergence, and if he'd only been faster and stronger, he'd have been able to defeat Wells, preventing the catastrophe they were all witnessing.

"What's it doing?" Caitlin asked, looking from Ronnie to Professor Stein.

Making sure Ronnie was secure with Caitlin, Stein moved to stand beside Barry. "Feeding." Despite the overwhelming dread, he couldn't help but feel a sense of awe at the enormity and magnitude at what they were seeing. He couldn't bring himself to say _excelsior_ , as this wasn't a technological achievement, but a scientific tragedy on a _global_ scale. "The singularity won't stop, not even after the earth is gone. I'm afraid the accretion disc has already assembled."

Joe narrowed his eyes in confusion. It didn't matter that he'd spent the last year hanging out with brilliant scientific minds, the technical mumbo jumbo would always be just that, mumbo jumbo. "What?" He shouted, hoping someone would start speaking English.

"The diffuse material that's in orbital motion around the singularity." Stein clarified.

"What does that mean?" Iris asked.

"We have to disrupt the motion." Barry answered, the beginnings of a plan forming in his mind. "Basically, it's just like the tornado, only upside down. But bigger. And _scarier_..."

Stein grabbed Barry's arm and spun him around, a dead serious expression on his face. "Barry, that event has an energy level of _at least_ six point seven Tera electron volts. It _cannot_ be stopped."

Barry rounded on Stein. "I have to _try_." He said firmly. Shrugging out of Stein's hold, his gaze went upward, marking out the path he'd need to take to reach the singularity. There was no way in hell he was going to let Eddie's death have been in vain. If they just gave up now, Eddie would have died for nothing. He had never been one to let the odds stop him from doing his job, and Barry wouldn't balk at the odds, either. There was nothing anyone could say to stop him from following Eddie's lead, to do whatever it took to save the people he loved, the people in his city, and the entire world, even if it meant sacrificing his own life.

Pulling his mask over his face, Barry gathered his speed, letting it build up inside of him. _I have to try_ , he repeated, before unleashing himself on the singularity, _for Eddie_.

 

* * *

 

After it was all said and done, after the singularity had been closed and the panic in the streets had been quelled, Barry finally stopped. He'd been running around half-crazed for hours, trying not to _think_ as he put out fires, pulled people from crashed cars or collapsed buildings, and rounded up looters. When there was nothing left to do but let the police take over, and Caitlin and Iris had all but stripped him of his speed suit, ordering him to go home to get some sleep, Barry just _stopped_.

Numb, he entered Eddie's apartment, but couldn't even bear to switch on the light. He shuffled through the living room in darkness, sense memory taking him directly back to the bedroom without bumping into any walls or furniture. Barry flopped onto the mattress, and the lingering scent of sex and sweat opened the floodgates of his mind. He'd spent the last several hours not allowing himself to think, and now, it was all he _could_ do. The weight of it punched the air right out of his lungs, and Barry had to fight for breath.

Eddie was dead and it was _all his fault_. It wasn't supposed to have ended like this. Barry had tried to make it so everyone won in the end, even Wells, but _no one_ had won. His future self had told him not interfere in the fight with Reverse Flash, and he'd trusted himself to know what was best. So instead of saving his mother, he'd watched her die, and it had been truly heartrending. It had rekindled the fight in him, however, and he'd roared back through the wormhole, adamant that Wells was _not_ going to escape. If he couldn't have his mother, then he was damn sure coming back to make sure Wells paid for his crimes, and then he would hold Eddie in his arms, swearing that he'd never let him go again.

But not only had he failed to save his mother, Wells had fought with all the rage he'd spoken of harboring for him, and had him dead to rights, before Eddie had shot himself to stop him. Barry gone through that wormhole with good intentions, expecting to get everything he'd ever wanted, his mom, his family, Eddie, and now Eddie was dead. Eddie was _dead_. Because of his goddamned good intentions, he was now on the road to hell and it was paved with Eddie's blood.

Why had he listened to his future self when he'd told himself not to interfere? That Barry was from a world where tragedy had not befallen him at a young age, where he was married to Iris, not Eddie, and had not had to suffer through a life without his mother and father. The choices that Barry had made had not been his own, and yet, he'd blindly, _stupidly_ listened to himself. Having not been through what he'd been through, his future self not had any right to tell him what to do, or what _not_ to do, and now Barry was reaping the awful rewards of listening to someone who hadn't the vaguest conception of the consequences that denial had caused.

Why? Why? _Why_? Why had his future self stopped him? Why had he let his mother's murder come to pass? Did he just not care that his greatest enemy was trying to destroy his life? Did he _not_ know what the Reverse Flash was going to do, once his younger self had been whisked away to safety? There was no rhyme or reason to what had happened, and if he'd just ignored himself, Eddie would be alive, and they'd still be together, in a different, better time. But no, he'd not been thinking clearly, too caught up in the emotional upheaval of his surroundings to realize that what he was doing, that what his future self was telling him was _wrong_. In that moment, he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and it had cost him his _husband_.

He hugged Eddie's pillow to his chest, buried his face in it and _sobbed_. He sobbed and sobbed, the muscles in his chest burning from the sheer force of his sorrow. Earlier that day, they'd celebrated their engagement in their bed, followed by consummating their nuptials after Eddie suggested they just go ahead and get married. They'd squeezed the joy out of every moment they had left in this timeline, before the next one began, warming the sheets with their passion for one another, and now, they were stone cold. Barry would never feel Eddie's warmth again, he'd never see his smile again, or hear his voice whispering sweetnothings lovingly into his ear.

More than that, Eddie would never breathe deeply of the crisp morning air before a run, he'd never see another sunset over the river, never again work tirelessly to make sure a victim received justice, or have the family that he'd always dreamed of. And it was _all his fault_. Barry had stolen Eddie's future because he'd been more concerned about his own past. He was no worse than Wells, altering the weft and weave of time to suit his own ends. Eddie may have put the gun to his chest, but Barry's actions had pulled the trigger, sending the bullet careening into the heart he should have put above all else.

Barry screamed into the pillow, not caring if it failed to muffle the sound and woke the neighbors. He screamed at God, at fate, at _himself_ , until he felt his throat rip from agony. And then he screamed some more. He screamed and wailed and wept, soaking the pillow with tears. He begged for death, to be put out of his misery so he'd no longer feel the aching emptiness inside of him, but he continued to live, and it was the ultimate crime.

Why was he allowed to live, while the world was less such a kind, beautiful, caring soul? Perhaps it was his punishment, to suffer each day knowing he was the worst kind of villain, the kind of villain who inspired false hope in those who believed in him, and inspired them to offer up their lives in place of his own. How many friends would he lose, how many piles of bones would he walk over before they realized he wasn't a hero? Bette was dead because of him, in the previous timeline, Joe had nearly died and Cisco _had_ died because of him, and both Eddie and Ronnie had died trying to help them. Worst of all, in the aftermath, they'd not been able to find their bodies, despite all their efforts to recover them. They'd be burying empty caskets, and it was _all his fault_.

When he had no more tears to cry, he tucked the pillow under his chin and stared blankly into the darkness, feeling like a cold husk. There was no light, no hope, nothing to assuage the gnawing sense of shame and guilt, not that he deserved to be free of either. He'd be forever shackled to the horrors of what he'd done and he _deserved_ it. Caitlin had lost her husband, too, and Barry didn't know how she'd been able to look him in the eyes again, after what he'd done. She was probably at home right now, curled up in bed and crying over her own loss, and he wouldn't have blamed her if she cursed his name for stealing what she'd only just regained. He deserved her anger, her rage, and if she spent the rest of her life hating him, he'd gladly let her.

He wanted nothing more than for Eddie to slip into bed behind him, hold him close and tell him that everything would be all right. That Caitlin would forgive him, and that together, they'd all rebuild the city. But it would never happen, and the ungodly bone-deep _hurt_   was unbearable, because Eddie was dead and it was _all his fault_. Ripping the ring off his finger, Barry sat up and hurled it at the wall with an angry shout, not deserving to wear a symbol of Eddie's love. It bounced off the wall and dropped into the clothes hamper. A jolt went through him and he quickly scrambled off the bed to retrieve the ring, berating himself for being so callous as to insult Eddie's memory by throwing away the last thing he'd ever given him.

Hurrying over to the hamper, he scooped up the ring and clutched it in his palm, promising to never part with it again. He may have been a monster, but he wasn't heartless. Holding his enclosed hand to his chest, Barry peered down at the hamper, which was almost overflowing because he'd been too lazy to actually make his way down to the laundry room to do it all up, and he knew if he let it go long enough, Eddie would end up doing it. It had become a ritual between them, Eddie needling him about doing laundry, Barry never getting around to it, and when Eddie finally broke down, Barry repaid him in other ways for doing the bothersome chore. Now, the ritual was dead, too, and a single tear slipped down his cheek.

Brusquely wiping it away, he stared at the pile of clothes, and saw that his ring had landed on top of one of Eddie's suit jackets. Lifting it up with shaking hands, he brought the jacket up to his nose, breathing in the faint scent of Eddie that had yet to be washed out, savoring it while he still had the chance. Soon, all the scents in the apartment would be gone, fading into nothingness, and then all Barry would have left to console him would be his memories. And even then, those memories would abandon him. One day, he'd be unable to recall the sound of Eddie's voice, or even what it felt like to be held by him.

He knew this because until that day, he'd forgotten those very things about his mother. After fourteen years, he'd forgotten what it was like to feel her skin on his, the love in her eyes when she looked upon him, and even the scent of fabric softener on her clothes. Fourteen years from now, all he'd have was a plastic ring, a few pictures, and a faded recollection of the good times they'd had together. He knew he was supposed to be grateful, for the sacrifice Eddie had made, for being his hero when he'd needed on more than ever, but he couldn't find it in him to say _thank you_ to Eddie for loving him so much that he'd willingly given his life for him, and Barry couldn't feel glad to be alive, not while he was dead.

Padding back over to the bed with the jacket, he laid back down. Crying anew, he slid the ring back onto his finger, before he covered himself up with the jacket, tucking the sleeves underneath him. It was the only way Eddie would ever hold him again, and it was _all his fault_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REGRET NOTHING.
> 
> To see why I regret _some_ things, click [here!](http://theoriginaldemarcos.tumblr.com/post/133168339238/to-all-the-amazing-thallen-fans)


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